Be warned, there is a general misunderstanding, among both men and women, as to the nature of a help meet. Eve was not created to just carry extra weight on the trail, or to speed up the process of gathering fire wood, or to dry the figs after Adam picked them, as useful as those things may be. For two men could work together just as effectively. Wives are meant to be something much more than an assistant in the business of life. They are not God’s wedding gift of a lifetime servant or an extra hand on the farm or in business. Eve was created to be the helper of Adam’s soul, to complete his personality and emotional being.

You need a help meet in more ways that just a sanctified lover. I said you will have to be married some time before you discover how that little lady can meet those needs that you don’t yet know you have. So we are going to examine some of the qualities you should expect in your future mate.

You may not be aware of it, but in time you will discover that you need your wife to be your best friend. Someone will be your best friend. And a wife is not happy unless she is that one special person with whom you enjoy spending time. When your wife has a need, be assured, you have a need to fulfill it. If you care about her you will care about the things she cares about. She cares very much to be your friend; it is her nature to feel so. It is also a good idea to keep in mind where you bread is buttered, your bed is made, and your creativity is birthed. A good man is rooted in God and a good woman. The bride spoke of her relationship to her beloved husband, “This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem” (Song of Solomon 5:16). When your lover is not your friend it makes her feel like a mistress being used—a “kept woman.”

You start off marriage as a one gallon man. You may grow to be a river of life or shrink to become a half pint, depending on whether you live life as a taker or a giver, as a consumer or a provider. If you use up a wife like a candle to furnish you with light, there will come a time when she has no more wax and you will be in the dark; but if you dedicate your life to providing her with more wax she will be the light of your life.

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This is an excerpt from Michael Pearl’s new book, In Search of a Help Meet. Pre-order now: http://nogreaterjoy.org/shop