A wise woman doesn’t take anything for granted. She is thankful to be loved and seeks to make herself more lovely. A wise woman doesn’t allow herself to be a liability but strives to be an asset to the marriage bond. She looks for ways to make, save, and use money wisely. Her husband knows he is a richer man because she is his wife.
A wise woman seeks to be a part of her husband’s life. His interest becomes her interest. She looks for ways to help him in every endeavor in which he is involved. When he needs a helping hand, it is her hand that is there first.
A wise woman knows that his peace of mind (and sometimes, wise understanding) is something she can give or take away by her observations and conversation concerning circumstances or people. She limits her conversation to the positive.
A wise woman sets a joyful mood in the household. She uses laughter, music and happy times to stir the children to a positive, joyful frame of mind. She knows this light-heartedness helps take stress off her husband.
A wise woman gauges her husband’s needs. She seeks to fulfill his desires before even he is aware of them. She never leaves him daydreaming outside the home. She supplies his every desire.
A wise woman understands that her husband’s need to be honored is not based on his performance but on his position. She learns quickly to defer with enthusiasm to his ideas or plans. She looks for ways to reverence him. She knows this is God’s will for her life.
A wise woman is not pitiful, puny, or whinny. She seeks to be confident, capable and thankful.
A wise woman does not dream of what “could have been.” She sees clearly that she is not God’s gift to men; thus she is blessed in her present circumstances. She learns to be content.
A wise woman never expects anyone to serve her; therefore she is never disappointed. She is ready to help—a giver. By her example her children learn to serve cheerfully and energetically.
A wise woman doesn’t attempt to instruct her husband through feigned questions. Her questions are sincere inquiries concerning his will.
A wise woman is always learning. She is open to change. She is ready to hear. She wants to know. She doesn’t cloud her mind with the foolish folly of entertainment. She uses her time wisely.
What a blessing to find this today on my Facebook page. So encouraging and beautiful.. I just pray that I can be this type of wife and mother that my family so desperately needs.. Thank you..
Love this article too, people need to understand that what your writing is what the Lord says about things. It’s not your personal opinion. It’s what God who created life says. A lot of people are coming from backgrounds of not knowing the word of God. You can’t argue a point with no knowledge of the basis that is used here. I feel our country is in the mess that it is due to the huge lack of people reading the book that our country was founded on.
This is really well written! Thank you so very much!!!! Awesome!
Oops, sorry moderators, the last should say Ch 22.
Wow, I am inspired by this piece Debi. God bless you.
Hi,
I’m reading the “The Help Meet” and find the book to be very inspiring and encouraging, however, I’m troubled by what I feel it is saying that as a women we are just suppose to let our men (husbands) do what they want and just help them in whatever they decide?!?! I use to be this wife and no matter how hard I tried to be happy and content and pretend it was all o.k. when my husband was being selfish and mean and hurtful I was never more fulfilled and happy. I did my prayer and study and I did it all but it didn’t make a difference. So where is the line/the balance? Where is the boundary that says “I will accept this behavior as my duty as a wife and this behavior is not o.k.?” Would God really have us honor and respect sinful attitudes and make life all happy and o.k. for that person? Doesn’t it say we should reap what we sow? I feel I am at a crossroads and trying to figure out the answer?
Thanks
It is not your duty to be the Holy Spirit. This is not to say you cant talk with your husband. I have found personally, that my ‘playing the Holy Spirit’ never has never reaped anything good. Talking is different then applying pressure and when THAT doesnt work keeping the pressure on and taking on a martyred attitude when he does something you dont think is right. Prayer is more important then you think. If your husband is a christian, he will feel conviction. Whether he listens or not is something entirely different. You said you had a problem with ‘letting our husbands do whatever they want and just helping them with whatever they decide’, but I think your thinking beyond that in the context of sin. If it isnt sin, then you have it correct, Stephanie. This doesnt mean you cant have an opinion and express it. But in the end you should follow your husband on whatever course he is sailing and you should do it with a sincere smile on your face, knowing that God in turn is smiling down on YOU. On the matter of sin, I would suggest reading CH 23 in the helpmeet book. Some great biblical examples are presented as well.;)
This is the woman I strive to be!
I just wanted to say how truly thankful I am that I received the Created book when I first began my journey as a new wife. I grew up in a house where my mother was constantly hurting or depressed (therefore my father had to take care of most things or take care of her). In many ways, this effected how I saw marriage. I thought that it was the man’s job to take care of the woman and to fulfill her every need. I found this to be monstrously untrue. After reading the book, realizing the true relationship God intended for my husband and I, and becoming more aware of my shortcomings, I was able through God’s grace to overcome these things and enjoy a wonderfully fulfilling and happy marriage with my soul mate. Nothing’s perfect by any means, however we are best friends and lovers, and work together to face life’s challenges. God has definitely blessed me in so many ways… but truly in the way of providing me the sound instruction I needed to become the best possible help meet for my husband.
Thank you, Debbie.
I love the book and strive to do what I can and pray that Yeshua does the rest. It isn’t working for me yet, but I still haven’t given up and I know that God rewards faithfulness. Just because my life isn’t falling into place yet doesn’t mean that this isn’t great Biblical advise. Dying to self is a Biblical concept. It has been the hardest for me. I have a husband who would give a total stranger the shirt off his back or run into a burning house to rescue them even if it meant he may not make it. But, he doesn’t take care of his family, tells me that he loves me when I do sexual things for him and that’s it. I have determined that I will do what is right regardless of the outcome. I am not responsible for his response only my actions. Thanks Debbie for caring about women and their most important earthly relationship.
Great artical! I’m so glad a wise woman introducted me to your ministry my life and marriage have been so blessed by it!!
Ladies! Please note the title of the article. It says A WISE WOMAN….. Nuff said! You don’t have to be one if you don’t want to. As for the ladies who truly have problems with their man even after trying so hard it sometimes takes time to erase all the negativity of the past. Keep trying! Don’t give up, you CAN do it! He probably really appreciates the change in you but can’t get over his pride and admit it.
@Lily – You make the false accusation that this article is unbiblical but give no evidence and then make statements in agreement with the article (
@Nicole – You are confusing the issue of equality with diversity. Men and women are equal in God
Things like this drives people away from Christianity. This whole artical is totally unbiblical. Men and women were made equally. Adam was given Eve as a blessing, she completed him. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the church. You are putting a terrible idea into women minds, you are telling them to slave over there husbands, and you’re telling the men to sit around like losers and be disconected from their wives. Once again, totally unbiblical.
God created us equal. We are to submit one to another and all of these ideas you have written down are a twisting of scripture! it also gives too much power to the women. I guess the men’s attitude and behavior is dependent on the woman which I guess would really make the women the one in charge!
Dear Debbie,
Thank you thank you thank you!
My marriage is very young not yet one year old but I have read the wisdom in your book and am very thankful for it. Many wives look down their noses at me and say I am young, married life isn’t that great, just wait. God has given my husband and I so much- I truly desire to be a help meet for my husband. Every time i pick up your book it not only helps me with my relationship with my husband but with God. The more I find out what Gods’ will for my life is the happier I am.
It’s hard to remembere these principles at all times but the truth is, failure to follow these principles leads you on a path straight to Egypt. Personally I want to go to the promised land. I’m a young wife of five years and can say marriage could be glorious if we choose to be wise women.
Well well, interesting comments here. Not being yet married myself, but looking forward to it, I am definitely gaining a wealth of experience from these articles and comments. I pray that I’ll do my part to be my man’s help meet till the day my heart stops beating. Even now, I recognise my shortcomings that would be potentially harmful in a marriage and I pray for a change of attitude. Thanks for this forum.
I had read your book Help Meet several years ago, and I have struggled in many ways to be a Help Meet a work in progress. Today, I just wanted to share how this touched me not only because I read it but because several friends had also read Help Meet and have followed in being wise women. I failed in being a Help Meet last night I desired with my heart and mind to force my husband to see things my way about saving money. I had a good friend who never once encouraged my anger but helped me to do my part in saving money. She followed the Lord’s will as a wise woman does by guiding me sweetly and honestly towards being a Help meet even as I grew frustrated that she didn’t seem to understand my problem. She directed me cautiously and sweetly. Then another friend (a wise woman herself) who knew nothing of my disobedience sent me a message of encouragement with a video that brought me to tears and to prayer. Then in my own quiet devotion I was chastised by Christ for my sin against him and my husband then I knew where to look on No Greater Joy for some instruction in changing my sinful ways. I am so thankful for learning to be a Help Meet and that so many others have also learned to be the women God called us to be.
I had read your book Help Meet several years ago, and I have struggled in many ways to be a Help Meet a work in progress. Today, I just wanted to share how this touched me not only because I read it but because several friends had also read Help Meet and have followed in being wise women. I failed in being a Help Meet last night I desired with my heart and mind to force my husband to see things my way about saving money. I had a good friend who never once encouraged my anger but helped me to do my part in saving money. She followed the Lord’s will as a wise woman does by guiding me sweetly and honestly towards being a Help meet even as I grew frustrated that she didn’t seem to understand my problem. She directed me cautiously and sweetly. Then another friend (a wise woman herself) who knew nothing of my disobedience sent me a message of encouragement with a video that brought me to tears and to prayer. Then in my own quiet devotion I was chastised by Christ for my sin against him and my husband then I knew where to look on No Greater Joy for some instruction in changing my sinful ways. I am so thankful for learning to be a Help Meet and that so many others have also learned to be the women God called us to be.
I just want to say how extremely thankful I am for your ministry. I was given Created to Be His Help Meet several years ago and it has been such a blessing to our family. Every so often I go through it again, front to back, and soak it in. I was blessed with this book early on in my marriage and I know my husband couldnt be more thankful for it! Gods word is expounded on in such clear no nonsense terms that at times I have even cringed- but it is the TRUTH. The word Submission can have such a weak connotation to it, and yet it actually takes a strong God fearing/loving woman to actually submit in every way. I am eternally thankful for the Holy Spirit, for without His help, this would not be possible! So many times I have read and said to myself, Oh dear, that sounds like me! And have sought the Lord immediately to help mold me into the help meet He has created me to be. I didnt think it possible, but our love has grown even stronger because of it. Your book has also been a devotion that I have used and will continue to use. I love looking up the scriptures youve listed at the end of each chapter to reinforce the teaching. It is Gods desire that the older women teach the younger to LOVE their husbands (to be a help meet as God intended) and Mrs Pearl, you have done a fine job at that! Eternally grateful, Mrs. Dory McGarel
I am very grateful for the biblical truths I found in help meet. My marriage has began to really blossom for the first time in 9 years. God had begun to breath new life into my husband and our marriage right before I read your book , but we were still struggling…he was never spiritual enough and i had to step out for God I had felt as if it was time to stop just going to church time to do what God commands Love God with all your heart and love ppl as yourself. Unfortunately I failed to realize it starts at home..I am grateful for your book and how God has used you and your husband to open eyes of ppl like me. Since I have truely submitted to my husband and really started focusing on him and my children I see changes in him which are amazing…he is becoming the man God intended him to be..God is amazing and nothing is too large or too small for Him… Anyway thanks..
I have read and re-read Created to Be His Help Meet. My family has the same reaction that some of these women have had. They say they are worried for me and that we were not raised to be subservient to a man. But I have seen what happens when I am able to follow God’s plan for me as a wife. I am Paul lately. I can’t seem to do the things I want to do. I do things I know will ust sabatage my marriage and I con’d know how to stop. I wish I had Debi standing in my kitchen to tell me not to step in when he’s yelling at the boys, to tell me not to stand and watch TV with him, but to be workng. I’m dealing with somemassive guilt latley because my husband seems to hate me and I think I would hate me too if I was him. I don’t know how to be lovely to him anymore.
This is a wonderful article! It hits home. Hard. Especially that thing of instructing your husband through feigned questions. I do it. It works, but I didn’t realize how terribly manipulating it is. My husband and I love eachother dearly. And you hear of countless marriages that fall apart. It really makes me believe that I MUST do all I can to preserve our love. And I do. At least I try. But then I read some of these articles and find more ways to improve! Thank-you so much for the book Created to be His Helpmeet! I’ve read it quite a few times and it has helped me a lot. By the way Clara, a sane husband would never command such a thing. So that is a totally invalid point.
so, so true!! my husband and I had not been getting along for some time. Not having enough money to buy your book, i decided instead to stop wasting my time with the ‘folly of entertainment’ and enrolled in a course intended to teach butlers the skills needed to produce a sparkling clean hotel or house. Within days my husband was commenting on my wonderful improvement in and around the house. They even taught me how to be silent when before I would have complained or whined!!! Would recommend to anyone!!!
I, too, was one of the women Debi so accurately described in Helpmeet. I thought I was so spiritual, why wasn’t my husband everything I thought he should be, how could I respect or trust his leading? If you are honest enough about yourself to see who you really are – this book will help you. I never thought of my marriage in these terms – that honoring my husband honored God? That my silent disapproval was just as bad as verbally attacking him? That I had the power to life up my husband? That maybe if I changed, things could be the way God wanted? Oh yes, God can change you from the very innermost thoughts of your heart. He can change the bitter, discontent, self righteous, dishonoring wife that I was – to be a woman that my husband wants to be with. He helped me appreciate my husband – as he was, not this other image I had in mind. God had given me the perfect husband (no, he’s not perfect, but he’s perfect for me) & I strive every day to not forget what I have learned. I strive every day to be the kind of wife whose husband never complains about her, the wife he can be proud of, the wife he wants to spend time with. I see so many people in loveless marriages & I wish they could allow God to change their perspective the way He did mine, with the help of this book. I know how much better my marriage is now. Thank you Debi, for offering your insight to all of us women who were never taught how to be a help meet or what it means.
I wonder if there are more women who could give actual examples of the little things they did that made a big difference? Like the woman offering to help her husband work on his truck? Practical, everyday things that might give someone an idea that might work for them? Just a thought. Thank you again!
I’ve printed this out and I’m taping it together and hanging it on my mirror! I’ve read created several times. It is an awesome book, but I’m ashamed to say I’ve been doing some major backsliding in the wife department! Thankfully today is a new day, and I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I got on this web site this morning feeling totally defeated, and now I’m ready to take on the world. Thank you Debbi for your honesty it is so refreshing.
Debie, I love you book and have read it 3 times already and plan on downloading it onto my kindle. Your book made me look at myself in true light and it was not a beautiful sight at all. I followed your advices on how to change and why. You saved my marriage as we were on the virge of divorce (we fought all the time), when I read this book, and showed him how I put your teachings to work- my whole life changed. I love being my husband’s Help Meet, and I am submit to him because I want to and b/c GOD wants me to. I love how you say whatever we do for our husbands we do for GOD Himself.
I wonder about the woman that posted about the “milk”. If you are a good Help Meet and have a close relationship to your husband, he would already know you needed soy…The better Help Meets we are, the better judges,leaders and priests of our hearts and homes our husbands will become. I’ve seen it for myself. If you are a good Help Meet- your husband will want to know and treasure everything about you, b/c he will feel that respect and reverence that you have for him. As women we must act FIRST, after all it was our dear sister Eve that gave the world the first sin, maybe we didn’t give the first sin in our marriages, but if you nag and complain all the time, and you make your husband feel worthless and stupid…to him he’d might as well be dead. Just my 2cents.
I am the bread winner of our home most of the year. My husband owns a seasonal business, and pastors a church. I do feel different sometimes that our roles are reversed. We have a great marriage, and communicate well. He is fine with helping me in the house to cook, clean, wash clothes, and keep our home. He has back problems, and will be disabled down the road. So we chose that I work, so that we have a steady income, and financial stability in our home. It does make it hard to play both roles at times, but we work together. I am proud to stand beside my man. He is wonderful. We went though all kinds of struggles, and your book Debbie is great. We read it together, and bought a case to share with friends and church family. My dream was to stay home and garden and do all the things a woman does. I miss it badly. But my husband needs me to stand in the gap that he can’t fill, and I am proud to do that for him. His health is not the best. I am barren and can’t have children. I know the Lord has a purpose for all things. It’s the things I don’t have that pulls at my heart strings the most in life. I am content though and seek to follow the Lord’s will and love my husband. He’s Wonderful!!
I thank the LORD for using you to save my marriage. All my friends hate your advice, but I know I’m happier and so is my husband. THANK YOU.
I began reading your book as part of a book club that was started at church by the pastor’s wife. The day I decided to follow your advice I saw a change in my home. My husband was the most devoted he had ever been to me and our three children. We enjoyed great times together until I allowed myself to be dragged into the feministic way of thinking and set the book aside. Well I am currently seeking the way to once again making my marriage what it one day was. I allowed myself to get away from the purpose of God in my life so much that my husband lost complete feeling toward me. My marriage has been the closest to dissolving than it ever has. These times are very troubling for me and for everyone around me. I have come to the understanding that refusing to follow what I already knew to be God’s plan has destroyed everything we had built. I am currently on the road to recovery trying to become once again the womanGod created me to be. I read on here some people disagree with your teachings, I can only say that I am living proof that you have completely discovered the purpose for which we were created. My life has reflected the missery that one can live thru if you believe that you are deserving of the world. I have searched for my book and somehow it is nowhere in my home which brings me great pain. That is how I came about this, trying to buy another copy to help me on this journey. This article has answered many questions that just this morning I asked God. Thank you so much for listening to the voice of God and following his plan. You have changed my life in ways that you will never know and I am thankful that I have these means to let you know this. I believe in my heart that my marriage will resurface from the ashes and once again I will enjoy my husband’s love for me. That alone helps me keep going everyday. Again I deeply appreciate your life and I pray that the Lord bless you and keep using you in His divine plans. If I may ask please pray for me and my family as we go thru these troubling times so that we can emerge victoriously!
Several years ago, my marriage was in shambles. I had just found salvation after spending years believing that I was saved, but was still reaping from the sowing of those years. My husband stayed at bars long into the night, and when he did come home, he looked upon me with disdain. He told me on one of these occasions that he no longer cared for me. He loved our children, but to try and muster feelings for me was impossible.
That night I realized that I could very well be a divorced woman if something did not change. Truthfully, I was more concerned with how divorce would affect my children than with how it would affect me, but I knew that divorce was not what I wanted, nor was it God’s will for me. I prayed that God would show me what to do.
The following day, the NGJ magazine arrived in my mailbox, and this article was inside. When I read it, I was both convicted and enlightened. I saw that I was NOT the wise, good wife that I thought I was; I was a wife who was pleased with myself. (People who knew me thought I was a great wife and mother, but my husband obviously disagreed.)
I started to look for ways to honor, help, and please my husband. This was not easy since he was almost never home, but I tried my best.
That weekend, my husband needed to do some work on his truck. He had been working outside for a bit when I remembered that my hand should be there first to help in any of his projects, so I walked outside and asked my husband if he needed any help. I’ll never forget the look on his face! It went from shock to suspicion to amusement. For the first time in a very long time, he smiled at me.(!!!!!!!)
I am so greatful to say that there have been many more smiles in the years since that day. My husband is home every spare moment these days. He hates to be away from me!
Now, I know that being a great wife is not having a spotless home, rather, it is knowing how a man needs to be loved, and then loving him that way.
Thank you Debi for all of the good advice. ;D
I want to be this kind of woman…It is very hard sometimes, we barely talk, we have lost interest for each other, I love my husband and I know that he loves me. I have so many issues and my pride is always in the way…I don’t know how to turn my heart again, he can care less about fellowship and I know that this is important…Help, I don’t know what to do.
Coming from the perspective of a believing husband who has to “earn” my wife’s respect on a nearly daily basis, as a husband, I am required to love her whether she earns it or not. It is unconditional. How is that any different than “wives, respect your husbands” unconditionally? If she doesn’t respect me because I haven’t earned it that day, or because she’s had a bad day and doesn’t feel like it, does that mean I don’t have to obey God? Do wives fail at times? Yes. Does that give the husband the right to stop loving her? According to some of what I’m reading here, some believe it must be perfectly OK for the husband to stop loving because of an unkind word or some other disrespectful attitude…after all, whats good for you women is good for us. I hope it’s obvious this last statement was offered up tongue in cheek. We are each individually responsible to God for our own assignment. Letting someone else determine whether we will obey God is dangerous. You want to be a wise woman (or man)? Fearing God is the beginning of wisdom.
Since I’ve been living in obedience to God in regard to my husband, major changes have happened in my household. I WAS THE ONE who was making things worse with my “he doesn’t deserve it” attitude. My children were rebellious and my husband and I both were miserable. Since reading the Created and Train up books (within the last month) our family life has become something so much better.
Ladies, PLEASE don’t let your own emotions or pride get in the way of having the joyous family that God designed. It seems very selfish to me now, and even embarrassing, that I was so self-absorbed that I wouldn’t put away my pride and just obey God. It’s selfish to demand your so called “rights” in neglect of your children and husband’s happiness and peace. (the great thing about it is that YOU will be happier as well
I read a few of your books and they helped me a great deal. I still make a lot of mistakes but I’m sure trying harder to keep my husband, for I love him very much, and our children behave better, though there are still times I don’t know what to do with our four-year-old son. But I thank you for the part you have played in the changes we have already made.
M.S.
Equality, mutual respect, and support come when someone FIRST gives it. God says the wise woman gives these things first w/o the expectation of getting anything in return; out of obedience and LOVE for our savior… blessings come in the form that GOD chooses anyway- who am I that I should demand the blessings of my life to be in the area of my marriage? This is why our salvation is not out of our works. My husband cannot earn my love…. just as I cannot earn the love of Christ Himself… but HE loved me first while I was still undeserving. The unwise woman expects her husband to do his part first.
These ladies seem to be forgetting something very important. You don’t behave in a certain way to make somebody change. You behave in a certain way because God wants you to behave that way. Yes, it’s impossible sometimes. But that’s why God is God. When He lives within you, He works through you. Will you stand before God and say, “Well, it was just too hard and it just wasn’t fair to do what you asked” or will you hear “Good and faithful servant”?
Why does she have to defer without question to his plans? If my husband’s wish was for me to drink a glass of milk, I’d say, “No, honey, I’m lactose intolerant. Oh, can you pick up some soy milk for me on your way home? Thanks.” God gave women a brain with a frontal lobe, and I bet He expects us to use it just as much as our hubbies use theirs.
What about equality, about team work, about mutual respect, support? What about creating a life together and working together every day to keep it going? A man requires deference not because of his performance, but because of his position? This is what I don’t understand about organized religions…case in point: no one gets respect because they want it, it must be earned. Respect a man because he is man? He must perform to that respect in order to keep it, or how will a marriage last? And same for a woman, she should be supportive, loving, helpful – but become subservient and that cannot be respected. That is not the recipe for a life long marriage.
I have read your book and thought it was the best marriage book I’ver ever read. It has helped me to change, something I could never seem to do before. I thought I was seeing changes in my husband and his treatment toward me however, it seems maybe not. He is a good man, husband and father but his anger and frustration seem to be directed toward me, even if I’m not the cause. It just feels like getting kicked in the teeth when he yells at me for nothing or for any little thing. I’m trying to be his help meet but sometimes I just want to tell him to drop dead. How am I supposed to respond to his outbursts? The other article says let him know it hurts me. Well, I’ve done that and it doesn’t change how he reacts the next time. He’s stopped apologizing because long ago I told him I was tired of the apologies because he just keeps doing it. I’m sure that was wrong of me but I said it and so here we are. What do I do? Stand there and smile and be sweet and take it? It is very discouraging and demeaning and frankly, I’m sick of it.
Thanks so much for your book “Created to be a helpmeet”. It has made a wonderful difference in my marriage. The more I make it my goal to give my husband the life he wants, he cherishes me more and more. That’s the life I want! God’s plan for marriage is perfect! Thanks for using your book to convey God’s perfect design for our lives.
The “weekend to remember” marriage seminar organizers and speakers need this information for their conferences instead of giving half truths and jokes with guilttrips ( they actually quoted Mal 2:14 saying God will judge you for that, as the parting and last verse as people leave the conference) about the man sucking up everything because he is the leader and everything wrong in the marriage is his fault, scared to tell the women their proper roles and how their actions and attitudes go to great lengths to destroy the relationships. I was actually madder at the end of the seminar than I was at the beginning because I knew a lot more about the meaning of those verses they misused and those they intentionally ignored because of the uproar it will cause among the self proclaimed liberated women.
Seriously? After reading this, I had to stop and check what century it was, I could have sworn this comes straight out of 1950′s home economics text book called “How to be a Good Wife” that they used to give to girls to read at high school. A “wise woman” loves herself as well and doesn’t always put herself last so that her husband’s needs are met first. A wise woman takes care of her own needs and knows she can be whoever she wants to be, and doesn’t have to be subservient to anyone. A wise woman knows how to be herself and doesn’t let anyone put her down or tell her how to live her life!
This is absoutely true I wish I had this information earlier in life.