Comments on: Avoiding Vacuums

By: Claire

Claire — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 00:17:40 +0000

Diane, where in His Word does God “speak against interracial marriage”? I haven’t seen that in the OT or NT. First of all, we are all part of the human race — He says He has “made of one blood all men”. Secondly, He does indeed forbid believers to marry unbelievers, even if they share the same skin tone. But He has not forbidden intercultural marriage. Go back and read the story of Moses and you’ll see that He struck his sister, Miriam, with leprosy because she criticized Moses for marrying an African woman. Only when Moses interceded for Miriam did God heal her.

By: E.M.

E.M. — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 17:00:05 +0000

A couple of people have said that God adopted us into his family, and didn’t consider us too messed up or defiled to make it worth it, therefore Mr. Pearl is wrong to tell people that children from orphanages are too messed up for us to bother with.

First off, that’s not what he is saying at all. Second, the parallel is not correct because his concern is not that the child is too messed up, his concern is the damage that can be done to your biological children. God, in that sense, was in the place of an older parent whose only son (Jesus) was not going to be damaged or affected by adopting us poor sinners.

Someone also said that we don’t stop sending missionaries to Egypt because a few get killed. In the first place, ‘we’ don’t send missionaries. They make the choice to go, knowing they may be killed, and we support them as we are called to do. But more importantly, our children are not missionaries. They have been given us to train up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Their time of growing up in our home is a time of protection and training, so that they can be at their fullest potential, most fit and able to carry on God’s mission for their life. To suggest that a few ‘casualties’ in our own families are worth it for the chance of saving a soul is dreadful. If you take in an adopted child, and save him, but lose one of your own to the world, what is the gain? Now, I am NOT saying your child is more important than an orphan from Africa. In God’s eyes, they are the same. But the children he has given you directly have to be your FIRST priority. If you fail with them, it doesn’t matter how much good you do elsewhere, you have failed as a parent.

By: Homeschooling Mama

Homeschooling Mama — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 09:19:52 +0000

We have been blessed to be parents of a very precious daughter who was given to us through the miracle of adoption. She was horribly abused and defiled, and we went through much initial pain and suffering with her. I just wanted to share that God’s Words are really true. Jesus really can bring beauty for ashes. Our daughter is now almost ten and is as sweet and normal as any child can be. We thank God for His healing power in her life. Mr. Pearl, you speak of the power of Jesus to change lives. Does God not care for the children? Not just your own children and grandchildren, but ALL children? Does He not have all power to change and heal and restore? We are putting our full trust in Jesus as we pursue adopting again. Yes, parenting is a huge risk, but we serve a mighty God. Nothing should be done out of God’s order, but I urge you to reconsider your statements about adoption. They are hurtful and offensive to the adoption community ~ both parents and children ~ as well as demeaning to God.

Just for the record, as a child, my parents took in numerous babysitting children and foster children during my childhood years (four years and older). The only time in my life that I was inappropriately touched was by my own older biological sister at age 3, before my parents started taking in other children. It was a one time occurrence that did not happen again as my sister was afraid of Mom catching her. Good parental supervision and clear teaching about boundaries helps a lot of this. Throughout childhood, we often had sleepovers at a close friends home and our house and there were NEVER any inappropriate behavior. It was giggly girl fun and we always poured out every detail to Mom. Having a very close relationship with BOTH parents and talking an insane amount of time with them, along with their diligent prayers, kept us safe. Because I was raised in a giving, loving home with an open door to anyone in need, the same desired arose in my adulthood. Again, God has blessed us with one child (and many more fostered a few years back), and we look forward to more blessings in the future. God is able. I cannot protect and shelter my children, but if I obey God’s word, He will be faithful to do His part.

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Thu, 11 Nov 2010 18:43:30 +0000

A little over a year ago, we became foster to adopt parents for a sibling group of a 13 yr old and 6 yr old girls. We have twin boys who were 7 at the time. I always wanted more children but have been told we could never get pregnant on our own. Well, first we had a hard time witht the teenager who had already been sexually active, used drugs, and abused alcohol. It was terrible. I didn’t like how she wanted to be so close to my boys and the way she played with them. Also, the way she was around my husband was scary. She treated him more like boyfriend/girlfriend vs. father/daughter. She had never had a father figure in her life, but she could not abide by our rules. Needless to say, she ran away after only living with us for 2 months and we said we could not take her back in our home. We still have her sister who is now 7. She has history of sexual abuse and neglect. She taught our boys all the terms for the female anatomy, made them look up her night gown (which she now has to wear pants or shorts under). She also would wave her panties in front of the boys and show off. Just this week, she has been trying to look in the boys room when she knows they are getting dressed. I have been doubting that we should adopt her. I have been praying continuously for the Lord’s will in this situation. To make matters a little more interesting, I just recently discovered that I am pregnant, which is truly a miracle for us! I now question whether or not I can trust her with this little one. Daily we have problems with her inability to obey us. At church, I am constantly telling her to keep her hands away from the babies faces, but yet everytime we around a baby, she immediately puts her fingers or hand in the face of the baby. I know that we do not recommend to anyone to foster children. If we knew then what we know now, we would never had gone thru this. DCS and all the social workers make raising a family nearly impossible. So, I do agree that it just may be for the best of the foster child to have parents who are more mature and have more wisdom after raising their own children; and those who have plenty of training dealing with kids that have special needs due to abuse, neglect, etc. Please help us pray as we make final decision to either adopt or not to adopt.

By: Mrs.

Mrs. — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 04:19:55 +0000

Where we all reading the same article? Out of about 20 paragraphs that Micael Pearl wrote I think maybe four said something about adoption? He didn’t even say don’t adopt he said wait until it is the right time. Actually it makes a lot more sense for older more experienced couples to adopt because children from troubled backgrounds really can’t afford for you to make the mistakes that new or younger parents tend to make. And, quite frankly, all of you who are having “wonderful” adoption experiences really can’t testify to that until all of the children in your family reach adult hood and even then you still may not know for sure. Nobody would have ever guessed what happened to me and my parents had no clue. No children should be sterotyped but that is not what Mr. Pearl did. He simply suggested that adoption and fostering is something better handled by more mature people – you know, the kind of people that actually paid attention to the other 16 paragraphs of information.

By: Anne

Anne — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 01:51:24 +0000

I have an adopted son who was horrifically abused in every way. Tell me this Mr. Pearl, if, because of circumstances beyond your control, your own young children were left orphans and placed in orphanages where they were abused would you want them to have a chance with a family who loved them? How many older couples with grown children are willing to take on the challenge of raising another family? Not nearly enough! Our son was about to be moved from a bad situation to a even more horrible one where he’d have had very little chance to ever escape or know the Lord. We certainly are not naive and don’t live a normal family life but it is worth every second of vigilance! You call adoption a new trend, adoption is the heart of God and if Christians are filled with his Spirit it is no surprise to me that they are drawn to the least of these. We are not called to live safe comfortable lives.

By: Heidi

Heidi — Sun, 10 Oct 2010 18:54:00 +0000

Mr. Pearl is just cautioning us to be wise and seek more wisdom and knowledge from the Lord. After all God said that his children are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Too many of us are becoming offended at the wrong things instead of listening. If it doesn’t apply to you and your situation, then that’s wonderful for you. If we continue to be offended by anything and everything what kind of witness is that? Many of us are not seeking God’s direction but instead seeking to add some good things to our deed list, also not wise. To Diane…The only reason God warned about intermarrying was because of those other nations worshipping other gods, not because of the nationalities. Remember what happened to Miriam when Moses married a Cushite (black) woman? God was on Moses’ side, not Miriams. It all boils down to where we put God in every part of our lives and how clear our ears and heart are to obey Him. Perhaps too things happen in families because as adults we are allowing the busyness of life to cloud both our judgement and lives to the point that we are not paying enough attention to what is really going on with our children. Time to get off the rat race and get back to the basics of taking care of our families correctly. Been there done that, starting over too. Thank you Mr Pearl for your pearls of wisdom.

By: janejolene

janejolene — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 05:06:39 +0000

I agree with the main point in this article. We are sinners, all, and desperately wicked from birth. Isn’t that sound theology? Yet I marvel at how we so easily think our kids would never give in to sexual temptation in our own homes (I mean, we’ve been so careful), or especially with other more perverse influences. Do we believe God’s Word or not? Are we decietful and desperately wicked or not? Sexual perversions, and curiosities will tempt. And those who have never been taught right from wrong from the start, like many orhpans, will have even less guilt or self-control when it comes to this sin. Leading to perversions with whomever they think they can get away with it. Just like any unregenerate kid might do. We are very conservative about this. No sleepovers. Only ONE aunt-like babysitter approved. And at times just NEVER went out, because we could not think of one person we could trust our children with. Both my husband and I have had defiling perverted experiences at sleepovers, church camp, from a neighbor, and with a babysitter in our own experiences alone. By God’s grace we were virgins on our wedding day, but those experiences had a powerful negetive affect on both of us that we had to deal with during our marriage years. That was 30 some years ago… with conservative parents! We as parents must wake up about this. Don’t pat yourself on the back if you have adopted, or if you think your kids would never…, but rather realize you are likely going to have some issues with sexual sin with your own children and all the more with your adopted children. Sure you might think all is well just now, but these things don’t come out til many years later. Better take the wisdom here, and after your children are grown, see if they will admit what really went on in your home. You do not always know! So don’t be prideful. Fear God, and learn of wisdom here. My cousin had all of her girls molested over the past couple years from a teen in their church. They had no idea. He was a nice guy and he babysat for them, molested the girls, and threatened them not to tell. They didn’t, til a year ago. After that their lives imploded. The oldest daughter had bouts of anger against the parents for not protecting them, and ended up leaving for a year long stint at a counseling center. Don’t automatically think all is well. Discern things carefully, and don’t trust “good kids” alone with your children. Don’t even blindly trust you own children!! And if you know of something going on, take it by the throat in the power of the Lord Jesus Christ, and expose it. Expose it!

By: Diane

Diane — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 18:27:38 +0000

Don’t go to Egypt! God commands His people not to go to Egypt to look for wives or oil, etc. Don’t go to foreign countries to look for children to adopt. There are so many in this country. Adopting children from foreign countries and bringing them here also fosters interracial marriages, another thing that God speaks against. People look to your bible for guidance, don’t let the “goodness of your heart” do things that are against God’s teachings.

By: Diana

Diana — Sun, 26 Sep 2010 03:00:36 +0000

Firstly, all adoptive parents know that both biological and adopted children are our own. They are simply our children. We don’t look at them differently. Secondly, what an upsetting article! My children are not damaged. They are God’s precious creations and He delights in them. It breaks my heart that you could add such stigma to adoption by stating that these children are damaged.
Thirdly, we did not enter into adoption to “Save starving children.” Ultimately, it is God who saves lives and calls us His own. No one else. We wanted to grow our family and pursued adoption and our boys are the greatest blessings of our lives. One was adopted domestically as an infant and the other is 4 waiting to come home from an orphanage in Ethiopia. God used these boys to rescue us from going thru life without taking time to really live it. He used them to teach us about His love for us; how our Father loves us unconditionally, just as we love our boys. Please re-read James 1:27. Adoption is far more than a “trend.” There are 147 MILLION orphans in this world. 147 MILLION people growing up without mothers and fathers to give them direction in life. Adoption is redemptive in so many ways and it pleases our Lord.