Comments on: Butterflies and Backdoors

By: Sarah

Sarah — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 16:36:06 +0000

This sounds like a beautiful success story. But there is one flaw in it: it began with an annoyance. He did not act in love; merely “insisted on his own way” which the Bible says is the opposite of love (cf 1 Corinth. 13). The child had an impulsive will to run inside and outside into the cold. He had a will to sit in peace and quiet. In this scene, the two wills are clashing… and the Christian thing for him to do would have been to humbly seek a compromise. The Bible says love does not insist on its own way.

Also, it is detrimental to a child’s emotional development to insist that they stop crying after experiencing pain. “Don’t cry,” “Don’t protest,” “Don’t express your emotions about what has just been done to you.” Perhaps your own children turned out “just fine” – even brilliantly. But not all children are that strong. A lot of them receive the message that they have no right to feel or express pain, even as grown-ups, because you denied them that right as children.

You feel satisfied because, as a little girl, she sweetly bounded back to you with the resilience of a child. You think this quick forgiveness on her part justifies your actions. No, it simply shows her forgiveness… and her need for adult approval, protection, and hugs. Children will pretend to forget anything just to get that. But deep down, you harmed your little butterfly.

I hope I was respectful enough in this comment. Blessings.

By: Nancy

Nancy — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 16:54:18 +0000

Disciplining you child with a spanking is not abuse nor is it violent. If you claim to be a follower of Jesus Christ then you are saying that you believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God. In God’s word He says “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is carefull to discipline him. Proverb 12:24

By: Galina

Galina — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 05:29:42 +0000

I have achieved the same results without having to resort to physical violence. To me, if you have to resort to hitting a child, you have lost some of your humanity, regardless of how “self controlled” you may feel.

By: Ashley

Ashley — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 01:36:40 +0000

I respect that you leave yourself open to criticism here. I read “Train up a Child” when my first child was less than a year old (and re-read it with each pregnancy!). I took it to heart and did my best. I read “No Greater Joy Volume II” when it came in a military care package after my third (loud and clamorous) child came along. I had much regret that I had not read it first as I had not seen the “joy” side of training when I read “To Train a Child”. Now pregnant with #6 and the children aged 8 and under I am beginning to see more and more joy. I am spanking less and less though. I would have considered “time-out” a waste of time before. I reserve the right to use the rod, but I have found that it only escalates the situation for my “clamorous child”. If she is out of control, my goal is to get her back under control and time-out does that for her immediately. A “properly administered” spanking sends her into a panic and makes things worse. Most everywhere I go, I receive complements on my children’s behavior. My children know that I love to be around them and take them with me everywhere I go. My point is this: I want gentleness and peace, fruits of the spirit, to be the way I relate to my children. If a situation can be handled without spanking, that is my preference. Usually, it can. Even my two year old, when asked,”Are you going to disobey?” will stop whatever she is doing and make the right choice 99% of the time. Telling them what to do, followed by asking what their “choice” will be has prevented so many spankings for us, because it gives them the chance to think about their actions. I respect your perspective and experience, but a friend pointed out to me once (out of frustration) that her children respected the rod, not her voice. It made an impression on me. Again, I am not anti-spanking, I just can’t see using it so often and for behavior that any sensible child would choose not to do when it is pointed out to him or her that it is about to lead to trouble. Can you give your thoughts on this?

By: Delphiki

Delphiki — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 19:24:03 +0000

Why are my children so obedient, despite never feeling the need to smack them around like a volleyball? Don’t you even wonder why your children flinch each time you pass the salt at the dinner table?

By: Joanna Wiles

Joanna Wiles — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 00:42:44 +0000

Thank you, Brother and Mrs. Pearl, for your specific and detailed examples of child training. I want so much to train (with my husband)our children right, but it is such a help to get godly, bible-based counsel from someone whose already been through it (successfully)and who can tell me HOW to do it…in this situation, and this situation…etc. The general guidelines are easy to understand, but sometimes applying them to everyday, always-different situations finds me doubting what action I should take and what reaction I should make based on their reactions. My mind is always finding “exceptions” to the “rule” and wondering, “What should I do if/when…?” but your many examples leave very little room for unanswered questions. Thank you for for your counsel, which you’ve made so easy to find. I can remember that on at least 2 specific occasions, I asked an “old, wise woman” to counsel me (each time a different woman)and both times I left with very little (or nothing) to guide me. There must be many others who are also grateful for your help.