In Changing Myself, I Saw a Miracle

Dear Debi,

Yesterday was a game changer for our marriage. I am married to a good man. He works very hard for us, and pays our bills on time. He provides for all our needs, and plays with the children—our six-year-old son wants so much to be just like Dad! He built us a house that is so space-efficient everyone marvels when they come inside. Anything he wants to do, he does it—and it turns out so wonderful . . .

We’ve been married almost 9 years. The first year was bliss, then three years of arguing. My wonderful, yet unwise best friend tried to help, but she was almost the death of my marriage. “He doesn’t love you like he should because he doesn’t help you with housework, bring you lots of flowers, take time off, etc. Besides, he has no right to tell you he wishes you would get off Facebook.”

Ironically it was this friend that gave me your book, Created to Be His Help Meet. That book changed my life! I realized I was married to an almost 100% Command Man. My husband was amazed at how I changed, and soon he started changing. His frustrated silent treatment now lasted only one day instead of three or four, and his anger disappeared. Yet there was something I desperately needed from him that he never wanted to give me—to let me in to the inner part of his life: his hopes, dreams, stresses, plans and frustrations. Oh, on occasion he would forget and tell me stresses, but he would suddenly feel vulnerable and grow quiet. Any simple question about anything would be “threatening” or trying to control him.

Finally, two days ago, I asked him again if he would just let me in. I told him that I don’t need flowers or dates or help with housework and I don’t care if we have $10 extra in the bank or $5,000. I just want to be a part of his pain and joys. Yesterday he told me that he decided to see if other women felt the same as me. So he asked two older married ladies at work what they want most from their husbands, and they both said what I had been telling him. And so he decided it must not be just me and my hormones, but what I really needed. It’s a miracle.

I understand what the book teaches when it says that a man needs to be able to trust his woman before he can become vulnerable to her. It is such a pleasure feeling his needs. I am his loving wife; he knows his heart is safe with me.

— Dorcas