Comments on: Church Youth Group

By: NGJ Staff

NGJ Staff — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 22:31:44 +0000

@Megan – You are attempting to present your own limited experience as the norm. The article does state that there are few good youth groups but on average they are focused on entertainment and immediate gratification. These are the extremes that are being addressed. Those youth groups that are spiritual growth, ministry or service focused would be the exceptions. The Pearls are by no stretch of the imagination

By: Megan

Megan — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 13:32:56 +0000

The Pearls say they are just going off what their readers tell them. Well, here’s one for the pile, though I doubt it will change anybody’s mind. These fear driven parents are afraid to send their child to youth group, but would never consider going themselves as chaperones so their child can learn to interact in a positive and Godly way with other people? My parents took an isolationist view like this for years, and guess what, it in no way prepared me for adulthood. The minute I could get out in my 20s (yes, that is the age of adulthood just about everywhere else on this planet) I was totally unprepared to deal appropriately with the opposite sex (which is really what all these parents are truly worried about). I made many sad mistakes before becoming wiser on my own. My husband grew up under the nurturing of a Godly youth group where parents of the church discipled and guided him, and he choose his choices wisely, and when he married me he was a virgin. If any set of parents believes they can equip a child fully for adulthood by themselves, they are in my opinion very arrogant. It takes a community! If your churches are such cesspools of sex drugs and porn, find a real church! Oh and I really am not trying to flame here, but most homeschooled kids I know (and I grew up in this movement) actually found porn in their Dad’s internet history – not at youth group. I was no exception. So much for insulation. It’s just the truth, unpleasant as it is.

By: NGJ Staff

NGJ Staff — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 21:22:05 +0000

@Alison – Michael is speaking in general and what is the norm of the vast majority of youth groups. Those that focus on growth, ministry and service can be very beneficial to the willing participants in developing a heart and skills to continue doing it. Where the focus is on entertainment and self-gratification, youth groups just become a mirror of the world.

By: Alison

Alison — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 02:45:31 +0000

I can understand the perspective of staying away from youth group. In my experience growing up in the church…there were plenty of the typical bad influences. Now, as a parent of five children I have and still do protect my children. my husband makes final decisions for where the children spend time and with whom. we take the approach of thinking through each opportunity (for socialization) as they came up. We have said no a lot…but we also say yes and prepare them by explaining the issues they may face and allowing them to go to an event..youth group thing, etc My oldest became very involved in a youth group of her choice when she was about 15 yrs old. She became commited to helping in leadership..and took interest in leading the younger girl’s Bible studies, etc. She is now a college student and commited to the Lord..she is a joy to be around. My next oldest (now 15) has minimal interest in youth group (that is just his personality)… he is a boy to be trusted to stand for moral behavior and we’d let him go almost anywhere but he likes to hang around his younger brothers and Dad instead:) Anyway, my point is not to be overboard in our thinking. There are some church kids I’d prefer my kids not spend time with…not to mention some homeschool kids as well. In fact, one of the most upright and well mannered influences was a neighbor girl of a different religion than our family. Hmm!? Basically, I see church youth group as a place to gather…some what like an adult goes to church fellowship. My teenagers have brains in their heads..they can separate most of the good from the bad. We will continue to use judgement to always know what is going on with our kid’s social environment.. My husband and I have learned to think things through without fearfulness. It helps to have seen God’s continued protection through the years. God is the best parent! Your youth group may (or may not) have a place in being part of a healthy community and God will lead individual parents who ask Him for wisdom.

By: charity v

charity v — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 04:43:48 +0000

I am not going to say one way or another on youth group. I have seen some dynamic truly great things happen in youth group at a couple of churches I have been to and worked with the youth. Then there have been other churches where the youth ministry was terrible. One church I am thinking of called parents cryptonite. My children are 7 and 4 right now. I do not know if my husband and I will send them to youth group or not. Most likely it will depend on a few things– suchas the attitude of the leaders and the group dynamic itself. I can assure you that my husband and I would be involved if we did choose to participate. We do need to guard the influences in the lives of our children so we need to check out their activities including at church and help them learn how to make choices for themselves.

By: Erin

Erin — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 00:52:00 +0000

Come to think of it, I stopped believing in God my jr year of high school – the year I started going to my friend’s youth group.

By: Charity

Charity — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 17:03:13 +0000

My husband and I are youth sponsers. Meaning we go to youth group, get to know the kids, teach classes, help the youth minister, ect. I will never send MY children to youth group, ever. My children go spend time with their grandma while my husband and I work with these kids. We’ve seen youth ministers council teens caught in sexual sins with- “everyone makes mistakes.” We’ve caught several couples “making out” during youth group time. The youth minister we have now has turned youth group into boys have fun, and girls babysit his daughter while his wife is at work.
Many of the teens in our youth group are from the area, and not from the church. They just want a place to hang out. So we (my husband and I) decided to give our time to teach them as much as we can, and hope that some of it sticks with them.
Our children, on the other hand, have this knowledge already. They aren’t lost souls looking for a savior. They don’t need to be thrown in with kids with few morals, and hope they don’t drown. We will try to reach the lost kids, but I don’t need to lose mine in the process. We also don’t need a minister using our daughter for his own selfishness, and our son as his “buddy.” He has a buddy, it’s his dad, and they are a great team!

By: True GRIT

True GRIT — Tue, 10 May 2011 01:53:45 +0000

Growing up in ‘the church’, and participating in youth activities then, and seeing what our church has now – no regular meeting, but occasional get togethers (which do not go passed midnight) with Godly leaders in charge. There is a world of difference. We firmly believe in the parents do the training of the children (that’s why we all homeschool) but we also know that occasional youth functions are very beneficial. The biggest things to remember is balance, and discernment. We have absolutely NO problems with our young people, and very very few have ever left the church.
We have been greatly blessed by ultimately being family oriented with the Sunday School, Children’s Church, and Youth meetings being a secondary thing.
With balance I believe it is possible to have a great family and a great church ‘family’.
Thanks for this article because we as parents always need to think and pray for the youth and know when we need to step up to the plate.
At this time I would totally trust my young people to the youth leaders of out church for their occasional meetings, with, or without, my presence.
I plan to stay on top of what’s going on and always ‘be in the know.’

By: Erin

Erin — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 18:07:04 +0000

I would not send my children to a youth group for the same reason I would not send them to a Christian school. (And never, ever, to a public school) Simply, that the last thing teens need is an age segregated peer group. The damage that can be done is incalculable, and all the more dangerous because often it is subtle. I am not talking about drugs and sex. So many people seem to say, “well, I never got pregnant, never did drugs, never smoked or stole, so my experience in youth group/school did me no harm.” May I say that there is a lot more to developing Christian character than such a list?

I would like to echo what someone else said about first show me the scripture to support it, and I’ll reconsider. The idea of age-segregation has only been around for maybe the last hundred years. No, your child does NOT ‘need’ children his own age. If you are in a local fellowship where there is another child his age, and they become close, wonderful. There’s nothing wrong with that; the problem is in the mindset that that is a ‘need’, and if you don’t have it where you are at you had better go seek it out. But especially grouping large numbers of similar-aged-children together with only one or two adults is very destructive. “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” (I’m sorry, I can’t remember the reference, although I know it’s in Proverbs, and I am quoting it from memory so it may not be word perfect) Permit me to paraphrase; children are born fools and it is only through the training of the parents that they can grow in wisdom. Also, “he who walks with the wise shall be made wise, but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” My father always likes to say, when you put fools together, foolishness will occur. Children, and also teens, do NOT need to be grouped together by age. They WILL breed foolishness. Now, that being said, I do not mean to imply that your child or teen should NEVER be in company with someone, or even a group, of people their own age. Occasionally it is all very well. It is the regular grouping that is dangerous. My parents did not send their children to Sunday school, children’s church or youth group. But we never lacked for friends or social interaction. We never lacked for challenge and stimulation as growing Christians. Especially by the time we reached our teens, my parents had us take part in every Bible study, Sunday school, or sermon that they went to.

The term ‘teen’ can be a stumbling block, in that in encourages the idea that teens are their own group. A person is either a child or an adult. Yes, the transition is sometimes bumpy, and is not defined by age, and will be reached by different people at different times, but there are only two categories. You never see ‘adults’ categorized by age, do you? “Okay, the 20-30 year olds will be in this classroom, the 40-50 year olds over here, etc.”

One person at least commented that it was her youth group that led her to Christ. While I rejoice in her salvation, and do not mean to cast any aspersions on the well-meaning, kind and generous youth group leaders that are out there, and that I have known, I must respectfully point out that the use of something for good does not make it right. God can take anything and use it, but we can not use that as a justification, for did not Joseph say in Genesis that what man intended for evil God used for good? I think none of us would argue that kidnapping and slavery is therefore okay.

By: Tammy

Tammy — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 16:17:55 +0000

I led a youth ministry at one time as something happened with the youth minister we did have. Two others of us picked up the slack. We had church members saying that they were only coming for the hot dogs we served or “Just take them outside and play basketball with them. Their coming here just gives them a safe place to come and keeps them off the streets.” I tried to find useful youth material. There was not much that met what these children needed. I used the Bible, of all things, to teach them, and received criticism for not using an “approved” resource. (Huh?) One day, I was running late for work and decided to take the advice given by the elderly church leaders and let them play basketball. We had a van ministry and on the drive home, one of the young men (who needed this the most because of his horrible home life filled with drug use and dealing – I found out later – by his parents) said, “I come to youth to learn about God, not to play basketball. I can do that anytime.” That was what I needed to know – that they were hearing the word of God and learning. We reached out in the community by going and visiting nursing homes and through other activities. I helped plan a mission trip for the youth. Several of the youth and other adults participated and some experienced growth through that, others did not. I would not lead them to a retreat for the very reasons that the Pearls listed. I also did not like the grouping by age, but we did have middle school and up in one group and elementary in another because of difficulties with some of the students and also because it was easy to see the elementary girls with crushes on high school boys and the girls flirting with the boys. As the school included all ages, I could not control what went on at school, but we could address that at church. When my son was a teenager, we did permit him to go to youth group. After football games, they had 5th Quarter activities. There were a couple of times when students from a neighboring town came to start fights – at church! It is sad that the Bible is not taught at home by many people. As we do teach the Bible at home, for my daughters, we will not participate in activities for children unless we can be there the majority of the times. I do not believe in using church as an ethical babysitting service. I am also disappointed at some of the youth retreats that encourage the youth to eat disgusting things and then video-taping them throwing up to release their inhibitions and to get them to all come down to the same level. Back at school, the same thing happens, it’s when kids have parties with alcohol and encourage their friends to drink and to do so to excess to fit in. My son is led to youth ministry. That is not my desire for him, but God is in charge. If, through his experiences, he can change the life of a student for God who can grow into a godly man or woman who does teach his or her child the Bible because they see that as important, it is better than not giving them any knowledge of the Bible because their own parents don’t bother to take them to church or talk to them about the Bible. Am I ambiguous, yes. I believe that God can use these things for His glory, but as parents, we must be involved in our children’s lives and know what is going on and draw the line when things go over the boundaries. The dilemma is that there are youth leaders who add to the sense of antagonism to Christian families who are active but do not agree with certain youth activities. That adds unacceptable tension to families and undermines the parents’ authority. This does happen. If your congregation offers youth ministry, be involved with the youth board and with the children if you think it is beneficial for your children to participate. If your congregation does not offer it, but a local congregation does and you’d like to allow your child to participate, be involved with that congregation’s youth board as an ex oficio member and participate in the activities. Know what things are planned beforehand so that your child is not swept up in something that goes against your views only to cause problems. As I feel that most people reading this are from Christian families who do teach the Bible to their children, follow the Pearls’ advice and invite families with similar values to your home (or go to their home) to have appropriate Christian activities. Above all, be present and active in the child’s life to be guide that child. There are so many new feelings, temptations, experiences coming at children during these teenage years that the impulse to go along and fit in makes it hard to nearly impossible to guide them, talk to them, and help them understand how to make wise choices in the way they should go if you are not consistently present and active in their lives. I do agree with teaching them to be young adults all along, but also, as a parent, it is our job to accept responsibility for being a parent as long as we are responsible for our child.