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How Early Should I Start Training?

February 15, 2000

At what age should I start disciplining my children?
At what age should I start homeschooling?
At what age should I begin teaching my children to work?

You must start training your children one year before their first birthday, because if you don’t, they will be trained without your input. A sapling grows the way you bend it. But if you don’t bend it, it will grow and take shape just the same, though not as you would have it. It will be shaped by the prevailing winds, which, you can be sure, never blow in the right direction.

From day one, every conscious moment of a child’s life is training; every event, and non-event, is schooling, preparation for the rest of life. If a child’s eyes can see, tongue can taste, nose can smell, hands can feel, or ears can hear, training is in progress. Parents don’t need to initiate a program, set aside a time, or confront the child in some special way for training to occur. Training and schooling never cease, never rest. A child develops with or without you. If you are not deliberately leaving your imprint on every stage of his development, know that someone is.

A child left to himself in a crib or a room is being trained. All child-initiated events that have consequences, be they pleasant or unpleasant, are training. If a child stumbles into an experience and finds the consequences pleasurable, he is trained to repeat it. If the consequences are unpleasant, then he seeks to avoid it. If an infant sticks his finger in his eye, the pain will discourage him from repeating that on himself, but he may try it on you. That is unless you should make his unwelcomed advances unpleasant for him. The first time an infant pulls your hair, if you pull his, he will never be a hair-puller. One taste of a plastic toy communicates that it is not made to eat. These experiences are physical, and are easy to understand, but what about soul training?

If a child is playing alone and becomes frustrated with a toy, expressing anger, his reaction, left unchecked, is training him to deal with his environment in anger. If a child cries out in loneliness and is rewarded by being picked up, you have trained him to repeat the crying any time he wants to control the adults in his life. When a child is told no, and he responds with temper, if the parents compromise and give over just one-inch to the child’s demands, they have trained him to throw fits. It will become a life-long habit, begun at three months.

What you don’t do as a parent is as influential as what you do. If you permit a child to indulge in a pleasurable act several times, with no negative consequences, then he will develop a preference and a habit. If you give the kid an old set of car keys to play with, you have trained him to abscond with your keys. If you allow a child to snatch food from your hand, you have trained him to have crude table manners. If you allow him to get up after you have put him down to sleep, you have trained him to ignore your commands and to make his own decisions about his sleeping habits. You say, "But I didn’t mean to be training." Who trained the cat not to take food away from the dog? OK, so your cat does take food away from your dog. Then I ask you, who trained the cat that he could get away with taking food away from the dog?

Answer: The dog trained the cat by his responses, or lack of responses. All parental responses are training. All parental "do nothings" and "Oh, isn’t he cute," and "He is a real bear-cat," and "He is such a strong-willed child," are training par excellence.

I saw a mother enjoying her six month old, sitting in front of him singing, "No, No, No, No, No, No, No, and waving her index finger back an forth to the beat of the music. It sounded like a cat food commercial. This started out as a command to stop doing something, but it degenerated into a sing-song, redefining of the meaning of "No." I wanted to ask her, "What do you say when you really mean ‘No’?" She was training the child to understand that "No" meant, "Let’s have some fun."

So, it is not a question of whether or not a child is being trained, or at what age. It is a question of who is doing the training and to what end? Anyone and everyone is a trainer, including other kids. The prevailing winds blow upon your child’s flesh and train him in degeneracy. You must interrupt that natural flow, bending the child’s soul against the force of the world, the flesh, the devil, Hollywood, relatives, baby sitters, peers, nursery workers, and books on psychology, that is, if he is to stand different from the other trees in the forest.

The first six months of a child’s life is much more formative than most parents realize. The first three years molds personality and sees the establishment of the child’s world-view. Children can be trained after three years, but much of the training amounts to enabling the child to function in spite of bad habits instilled in those early months and years.

Training socially

If your child is not liked by others, or if he is often in conflict, he is socially impaired. A shy child is socially inadequate, as is one who is loud and demands center stage. A bully on one side and a whining tattletale on the other are social misfits. A child quickly develops a social perspective, with or without parental guidance. Investigation teaches the infant what is acceptable in his society. Children are always influenced by the temperament of their parents.

If parents are overprotective, oversensitive, insensitive, angry, selfish, hostile or otherwise, the children tend to view the world through the social order parents maintain in the home.

I have had adoptive parents come to me describing the "generational sins" of their adopted children. Knowing the parents, I usually find it amazing that the adoptive parents seem to have the same lineage. Maybe it is just fate that brought them together; they were from the same family after all. Many biological parents would like to use the excuse of generational sins. It would relieve them of responsibility.

A child learns the rules by stumbling around, bumping into the rights of others, as when the infant tries to put his fingers in someone’s eye or mouth, or when the two-year-old tries to take something that belongs to a four-year-old.

Social rules are built on selfishness—live and let live, give and take. It is a pecking order—where people get pecked if they step out of line. It does serve to keep "everyone in his place," with the "fittest" at the top of the food chain, but it is no higher morally than a society of gorillas. If left to happenstance, a child will allow his values to be set by the worst elements in society.

The concern of parents should be the knowledge that if they do not take an early and effective role in communicating social behavior to their children, the kids are going to receive their education from the world at large. But most parents, certainly our readers, are not content to allow their children to derive their social etiquette by default. The norm is too low. Parents who take a continuous and active role can ease a developing child into a godly social order by example and instruction, saving the child a lot of embarrassment and antisocial behavior.

We adults are kept in line socially by pride, fear of ridicule, fear of rejection and embarrassment. But the small child is kept in line only by someone creating boundaries and then forcing compliance.

Training Morally

Children are born into this world without moral convictions. The two-year-old does not need bad influences to be a selfish, fleshly, carnal, hedonistic, hippie. I say that with the utmost love for all two-year-olds.

Parents are failing to communicate moral convictions to their children. One reason they fail is that they start too late. Parents do not start trying to train their children until they are convinced they can receive instruction, by which time children are already confirmed in carnality, addicted to the pleasures of hedonism. I am talking about children two and three years old. Parents find it difficult to believe that their very young children are capable of early training. They wait so long that they are fighting momentum, and everything within and without the child is on the side of carnality. Your early training alone stands between your child and degrading behavior.

You want to know how to train a six-month-old? By context. All with whom the child associates is the context in which the child first emulates moral attitude. Morality is first an attitude, a way of viewing the self in relationship to the stimuli that assail us. Morality is the right choice in the face of choices that are immediately more fun. Morality is choosing principle and duty above thrill and laziness. Morality is love of truth; it is a pure heart; it is love, grace, mercy, patience, kindness, hard work, wisdom, faith, joy, thankfulness, and serving others. Morality is not the lack of certain acts of debauchery. It is the heart of God practiced in these bodies of flesh.

In the early months and years of a child’s life, you will not be able to lecture him on morals, but you can plant his little developing soul in pure soil. Children are rooted in the souls of those with whom they associate—including any media. You, as a parent, cannot change the environment at large. Eventually your child is going to have to enter the ugly arena of society. But in his developing years, you can tuck his little soul into yours and give him a little bit of heaven before he finds out that he is in a moral battleground where the bad guys almost always win.

Training to Work

Work is one thing in life that if you could get along without it, you would. All work is pain. You have to be raised with it to be hardened to it and to accept it as necessary. Every fresh budding of understanding and every newly acquired ability in the infant and small child must be immediately channeled into wholesome productivity. A child should never be allowed to acquire an attribute of mind or body that is left to idle indulgence. If a ten-month-old child, capable of picking up his own socks, sits and watches his mother pick them up, he is being mistrained—trained to be lazy. You are missing the best opportunity to teach a teenager to be a worker. Teenagers learn to work before they are two years old.

I know that a child under one year old is not capable of doing one stitch of productive work. But the question before us is not how old a child should be when his work is of value. The question is "At what age should I teach my children to work?" The answer is: As they become capable of the least participation, no matter how worthless, they should be involved in working. They will have more fun than a birthday party if you involve them in all your chores. Children love cooking, cleaning and all chores that Mama and Daddy do if they occur as a matter of routine and are done in a joyful atmosphere.

If this is handled properly, there will never come a time when your child is shocked that you asked him to work. He will never balk or complain. He cannot remember a time when he was not under obligation to pull his share of the load. His first awakening to life was one of being part of a team working. He happily stands up to his chores. It is what life is all about.
If you wait until a child is four years old to ask him to work, he will be hurt and offended that he, the royal consumer of goods and services, should be called upon to stoop to menial chores. What a drag! What pain! What misery! Life is not supposed to be like this. He has lived four wonderful years with several servants, and now you expect him to do boring physical labor? He may do it if you force him to, but he will never like it, not now and not ever.

Should you wait until they are big enough to be profitable in labor before you require it of them? Only if you want to feel like the worst villain in the world and spend most of your emotional energy nagging them into what will always be a job half done.

Children should learn to work at the same time that they learn to play. A child should never be allowed to think that the world is ordered so that he plays while others serve him. Don’t pick up after the child. If a kid is big enough to pull toys out of a box he is big enough to put them back. Make work part of the play. Sit on the floor. Enjoy showing him how to put the toys away. As you give the command, "Put your toys back in the box," place a toy in the box. Give the command again and guide the child’s hand to put a toy back in the box. Put another toy in the box yourself, and then again voice the command as you guide his hand to put away another toy. If the child is never allowed to walk away from scattered toys, he will always pause to put them away, and you will never have a hassle over clean up. Three times is enough to train a child, if it is the first three experiences with the toy box. It will take more if you have mistrained him.

When you must carry groceries into the house, give your toddler a light box to carry and brag about what a good worker he is. When you are carrying in firewood, give the stumbling toddler a small piece to carry.

When he spills something, guide him in cleaning it up. You may have to buy a special mop and shorten the handle to keep him from jousting everything in the house. But a one-year-old that mops is a six-year-old that mops and a sixteen-year-old that is a blessing. When you have cut the grass, give the toddler a sack and a small rake and show him how to fill the sack with grass clippings. If he grows bored, don’t make demands; revive his interest; make it fun.

Do you know what sick is? It is a father at home on Saturday, working in the yard while the kids sit in front of the TV and eat snacks. Don’t ask me how to get them to work. You cannot train them one way and then expect different results.

Do not make your kids work alone until they get old enough to deal with the isolation. Even then, you should seek opportunities to work together. If work involves warm fellowship, it takes the pain out of it. If you have developed an adversarial relationship around work, you are causing ongoing harm. If you press a child and are never pleased, he will hate you.

Work is pain, and so you labor to get the job done so you don’t have any more pain. If there is no end to the work, no reward, children will always drag because doing the job never brings relief. Give them a job that has defined limits and the reward of freedom upon successful completion. Do not allow them to have the freedom until the job is completed satisfactorily. Parents have told me that when they started making the child’s leisure dependent upon completing the job, the kids turned what was previously a four hour job into a thirty minute job, and they had fun doing it, because they were laboring so they could rest. If your child is lazy and never does an acceptable job, then you must give him a job with well defined, and easily defined, limits and stay with him until he completes the job successfully, whereupon you praise him for a job well done. If the job is cleaning his room, first carefully define what you expect, in every detail. Write it down if the kid is old enough to read. Do not nag or whine. Quietly but firmly stand by your commitment that he will not leave his room and return to his leisure until the room is perfectly ordered. He will drag at first, hoping to conquer your will, but once he is convinced that your word is final, he will comply out of pure laziness. How else can he rest? You must maintain a pleasant attitude at all times, or all is lost.

Training in Academics

The biggest mistake is thinking of schooling as something different from family, from everyday life. Don’t think of it as an event that starts and stops by a clock. When done most efficiently, there is no age at which you start. Nothing ever changes. Schooling is life. I know kids locally who do not "do school," and yet are far advanced over their grade level.

The purest form of homeschooling is a way of life. A young mother says to her crawler, "Give me the blue sock. No, not the green one, the blue one. Here, this is the blue sock, just like mama’s dress. See, this toy is blue also. Thank you, you are a smart girl."

Another mother says to a two-year-old, "Here are three raisins. See, count them. One, two, three!!!" A mother says to a three-year-old, "How many raisins do you have? That’s right, five. Now give me one. Now how many do you have? Four!! Five take away one is four!!"
Entertain the children with colors, pencils, and paper in mounds. Go to your local printers and tell them you need paper for your students. They will give you scrap paper by the truckloads. You can get good quality paper forty inches wide. Kids love it. Write their names at the top and let them try writing. Hang their work on the wall. Show it off. Read to your kids and have them pronounce words. Show the three-year-olds the word "cat" and let them put a yellow line under it every time it appears in the little book. Make flash cards—don’t buy them.

The kids need to see you make stuff just for them. Do not sit the kid down at a school desk and pound flash cards until he goes to sleep. As you pass through the house, pick up one card and flash it, saying the word. You don’t need to ask questions. They are learning. Write the name of foods on cards and have them point to the word that represents the food they want. Write "nap" on a card and show it to them when it is time to sleep. Read road signs. Write letters to friends. Leave notes hidden in the house for them to find and read, notes that promise a treat. Read the breakfast material—boxes of cereal. Talk about the human body, naming the body parts, the bones, muscle, organs. You don’t know those things? Get a chart; hang it on the wall and learn with your children. Look at pictures. Discuss topics at the dinner table. Talk about history and science. Investigate your yard and then go to the library and investigate books on plants, insects, the universe, animals, earthquakes, anything that is fun and interesting. That is homeschooling. The kids never know they are in school, and you never feel like a teacher. It is not important that the kids know details on any subject; or if they know details, it is not important that their knowledge be thorough. It is far more important that they develop a learning attitude than it is that they learn certain prescribed curriculum. Think of it this way; your job as teacher is not to prepare them to take a test and answer questions. Your job is to instill a love of learning, to enjoy investigation, to be inquisitive, and to know that they can learn anything they need to know if they set their mind to it. The worst thing you can do is to pound enough facts in them to pass a test, but leave them with a fear of learning, leave them feeling inadequate.

Homeschooling cannot be an event out of the day; it must be the day, the night, the lifestyle of homeschooling parents.

Most importantly of all, it must always be fun. If it is not fun for you, it will not be fun for them. Never-never-never approach homeschooling with apprehension or impatience. Do not let the system or in-laws cause you to fear and start pressuring the kids to perform. The day that happens you have failed, and they will fail.

Leave a Reply

60 comments on “How Early Should I Start Training?”

  1. "If a child is playing alone and becomes frustrated with a toy, expressing anger, his reaction, left unchecked, is training him to deal with his environment in anger."

    I find this idea absolutely absurd in the way that it completely contradicts your position!! Look at it this way: a child does something "wrong" and is punished by spanking. How is this also not teaching him to react to his environment with anger when he is being subjected to that very same emotion by a parent who is using violence/anger in punishing him?? This website disgusts me. "Train" your child??!! They are not animals. They are humans. I have never once "spanked" my daughter and at 2 years old she is a well behaved, respectful little child.

  2. "If a child is playing alone and becomes frustrated with a toy, expressing anger, his reaction, left unchecked, is training him to deal with his environment in anger."

    I find this idea absolutely absurd in the way that it completely contradicts your position!! Look at it this way: a child does something "wrong" and is punished by spanking. How is this also not teaching him to react to his environment with anger when he is being subjected to that very same emotion by a parent who is using violence/anger in punishing him?? This website disgusts me. "Train" your child??!! They are not animals. They are humans. I have never once "spanked" my daughter and at 2 years old she is a well behaved, respectful little child.

  3. I hate to focus just on the things that I don't agree with, but I think if you are going to hold yourself up as an expert and write books for others to follow, you need to be above reproach. I do not disagree in general or even with perhaps most of their teachings, but this... are you KIDDING ME??

    "If a child cries out in loneliness and is rewarded by being picked up, you have trained him to repeat the crying any time he wants to control the adults in his life."
    I don't even have the words for how wrong this is. Again, I do agree with much of what you say, though.

  4. I hate to focus just on the things that I don't agree with, but I think if you are going to hold yourself up as an expert and write books for others to follow, you need to be above reproach. I do not disagree in general or even with perhaps most of their teachings, but this... are you KIDDING ME??

    "If a child cries out in loneliness and is rewarded by being picked up, you have trained him to repeat the crying any time he wants to control the adults in his life."
    I don't even have the words for how wrong this is. Again, I do agree with much of what you say, though.

  5. Thank you - much of this is helpful to me. Jenifer obviously doesnot know from where the name of the book is taken - train up your child in the way that he should go and in the end, he will not depart from it. God tells us to 'train' our children. Maybe that isn't the best of translations, but it applies. Much of this I agree with, and some of it not. Like the part about pulling hair - an infant cannot crossreference his feelings with yours. It hurts him, but he doenst' get that it hurts you. And plastic isn't for eating, but the mouth is for learning - yes he learns that the plastic isn't for eating, but that will nto stop him from continually putting it in his mouth. He is exploring it - maybe teething on it. He will not refrain. Just so you know. But thanks for sharing the insight.

  6. Thank you - much of this is helpful to me. Jenifer obviously doesnot know from where the name of the book is taken - train up your child in the way that he should go and in the end, he will not depart from it. God tells us to 'train' our children. Maybe that isn't the best of translations, but it applies. Much of this I agree with, and some of it not. Like the part about pulling hair - an infant cannot crossreference his feelings with yours. It hurts him, but he doenst' get that it hurts you. And plastic isn't for eating, but the mouth is for learning - yes he learns that the plastic isn't for eating, but that will nto stop him from continually putting it in his mouth. He is exploring it - maybe teething on it. He will not refrain. Just so you know. But thanks for sharing the insight.

  7. While I agree with some of what you guys say, I am greatly disturbed by much of this and I warn people to be careful taking the Word of God out of context. Remember that when the Bible says, "Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." There is a key to that scripture that this site fails to take note of..."WHEN HE IS OLD". Many children will in fact depart at some point or another and you really must be careful not to provoke your children to wrath either. It is a very delicate balance. Please use discernment when reading these people's advice.

  8. While I agree with some of what you guys say, I am greatly disturbed by much of this and I warn people to be careful taking the Word of God out of context. Remember that when the Bible says, "Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." There is a key to that scripture that this site fails to take note of..."WHEN HE IS OLD". Many children will in fact depart at some point or another and you really must be careful not to provoke your children to wrath either. It is a very delicate balance. Please use discernment when reading these people's advice.

  9. You forgot these:

    Training your kids to fear and hate their parents

    Training your kids to fear and hate themselves

    Training your kids to fear and hate God

    Training your kids for post-traumatic stress disorder

    Training your kids to be doormats

    Training your kids to lie and create secret lives

    Training your kids to accept violence against weaker/helpless individuals

    Just a few "side effects" of the Pearl approach. For anyone using or considering using these techniques and philosophies, I URGE you to reconsider.

  10. You forgot these:

    Training your kids to fear and hate their parents

    Training your kids to fear and hate themselves

    Training your kids to fear and hate God

    Training your kids for post-traumatic stress disorder

    Training your kids to be doormats

    Training your kids to lie and create secret lives

    Training your kids to accept violence against weaker/helpless individuals

    Just a few "side effects" of the Pearl approach. For anyone using or considering using these techniques and philosophies, I URGE you to reconsider.

  11. I think this site is great! We bought the books "To Train Up a Child" and "Created to be his Help Meet" and they give wonderful advice, I recommend the Pearls to almost every family I meet. I have applied what I can manage (I'm a Marine) and have seen that the results on my 6 month old boy. I hate going out in public and seeing openly disobedient and rebellious children, and if they are trained correctly at home the problems that occasionally happen in public are at a minimal. I probably won't have to deal with half the stuff my mom dealt with if I continue to apply these principles. And yes, people need training too. Pets need training so they aren't unruly in your house, the military needs training so they can accomplish the mission, and everyone else needs training too so they can keep themselves from sin as much as possible. Training instills self discipline, and self discipline is needed to grow in the Lord.

  12. I think this site is great! We bought the books "To Train Up a Child" and "Created to be his Help Meet" and they give wonderful advice, I recommend the Pearls to almost every family I meet. I have applied what I can manage (I'm a Marine) and have seen that the results on my 6 month old boy. I hate going out in public and seeing openly disobedient and rebellious children, and if they are trained correctly at home the problems that occasionally happen in public are at a minimal. I probably won't have to deal with half the stuff my mom dealt with if I continue to apply these principles. And yes, people need training too. Pets need training so they aren't unruly in your house, the military needs training so they can accomplish the mission, and everyone else needs training too so they can keep themselves from sin as much as possible. Training instills self discipline, and self discipline is needed to grow in the Lord.

  13. Peter: If you read the article you will notice that they explained that all types of behavior and parent reactions train a child. But to your comment a child who is properly trained won't have any of the above mentioned "side effects" (hate,disorders ect.) On the contrary! My parents and with the support of the church trained me up properly and I must say that I love them and God wholeheartedly and am very thankful for what they have instilled in me. I am now married and we are starting a family of our own and our desire is to properly train up our children. Children who are left to the devices of this world and society get trained up the way that you mentioned.

  14. Peter: If you read the article you will notice that they explained that all types of behavior and parent reactions train a child. But to your comment a child who is properly trained won't have any of the above mentioned "side effects" (hate,disorders ect.) On the contrary! My parents and with the support of the church trained me up properly and I must say that I love them and God wholeheartedly and am very thankful for what they have instilled in me. I am now married and we are starting a family of our own and our desire is to properly train up our children. Children who are left to the devices of this world and society get trained up the way that you mentioned.

  15. I trained my two older children and slacked off during my pregnancy of my third child. The older chidren became unruly & disobedient. I have come back to the teachings again because I know they work! I am applying them to my 8 month old with great success. She was very demanding & stubborn. She has retained her god given personality & we cherish her dearly. She had indeed become accoustome to us giving into to her will. You can't say that they don't understand at that age! She knows her expierience will be unpleasent if she bites or pulls hair. She no longer engauges in that behavior! THE PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING! If you do not agree with this training dont partisapate in it. If you are having troubles with your children you may need a different approch. My children are by no means DOORMATS or HATE my. My children are thankful, polite, and engauged in life. They add joy to our family. I don't SPANK my children with anger. I give respect & love with every lesson. They in turn learn boundries and respect for others & property. They don't have SECRET lives where they partisipate in distructive behavior. They're not out spray painting others property! These teaching if applyed with love & in the right hands can be a great blessing. You can't comment one way or the other if you've never used these teachings. I don't treat my children as animals. I do them & our world a service to lead our family with rules & consequences. What a world if there were to be none! Dose this Jennifer lady want that!?! No, she cry out for punishment if she was the victim of a crime. Wishing that person had be exposed to rules & consequences as a child. I give a big thank you for putting these teachings out there for all of us. For with out them (I know for a fact) my family would be less of a blessing but more of a chore.

  16. I trained my two older children and slacked off during my pregnancy of my third child. The older chidren became unruly & disobedient. I have come back to the teachings again because I know they work! I am applying them to my 8 month old with great success. She was very demanding & stubborn. She has retained her god given personality & we cherish her dearly. She had indeed become accoustome to us giving into to her will. You can't say that they don't understand at that age! She knows her expierience will be unpleasent if she bites or pulls hair. She no longer engauges in that behavior! THE PROOF IS IN THE PUDDING! If you do not agree with this training dont partisapate in it. If you are having troubles with your children you may need a different approch. My children are by no means DOORMATS or HATE my. My children are thankful, polite, and engauged in life. They add joy to our family. I don't SPANK my children with anger. I give respect & love with every lesson. They in turn learn boundries and respect for others & property. They don't have SECRET lives where they partisipate in distructive behavior. They're not out spray painting others property! These teaching if applyed with love & in the right hands can be a great blessing. You can't comment one way or the other if you've never used these teachings. I don't treat my children as animals. I do them & our world a service to lead our family with rules & consequences. What a world if there were to be none! Dose this Jennifer lady want that!?! No, she cry out for punishment if she was the victim of a crime. Wishing that person had be exposed to rules & consequences as a child. I give a big thank you for putting these teachings out there for all of us. For with out them (I know for a fact) my family would be less of a blessing but more of a chore.

  17. I believe God made babies to be the way they are for a purpose and your article to me sounds as if you should discourage babies from doing most of what they do. I agree you should teach or train your child and discipline them with love. But I think their are much better, balanced ways of teaching babies and children. Our daughter cried, cried and cried the first six weeks of her life. It didn't matter whether we held her or not. I think to have ignored her in order to "train" her would have been detrimental. There came a time where we taught her to sleep through the night and even had to let her cry some. But there was balance to the way we did things and the timing.

    Also, babies are not so manipulative as you make them out to be. Yes, they require much guidance, but they lack the understanding and reasoning that you expect from them. You make it sound as if your style of harsh discipline is the only way to train or teach, which is simply not true! Whatever your method or style, the most important thing is to be consistent and loving. My dad was never harsh with me or my brothers, but he did a really good job of teaching us how to live and I have the utmost respect for him.

  18. I believe God made babies to be the way they are for a purpose and your article to me sounds as if you should discourage babies from doing most of what they do. I agree you should teach or train your child and discipline them with love. But I think their are much better, balanced ways of teaching babies and children. Our daughter cried, cried and cried the first six weeks of her life. It didn't matter whether we held her or not. I think to have ignored her in order to "train" her would have been detrimental. There came a time where we taught her to sleep through the night and even had to let her cry some. But there was balance to the way we did things and the timing.

    Also, babies are not so manipulative as you make them out to be. Yes, they require much guidance, but they lack the understanding and reasoning that you expect from them. You make it sound as if your style of harsh discipline is the only way to train or teach, which is simply not true! Whatever your method or style, the most important thing is to be consistent and loving. My dad was never harsh with me or my brothers, but he did a really good job of teaching us how to live and I have the utmost respect for him.

  19. HA! I have a 4 month old and a 1 year old, and I'm telling you that these tactics work. My first slept all night at 3 weeks, and the second, at 1.5 months. How? A dark room and a closed door until sun-up. That's how. With my 4 month old, I noticed that she has a terrible temper. When she is mad she cries totally different than when she needs something. So... I've taken to looking her in the eyes and gently caressing her, and smiling big when she is quiet, and when she begins to show anger, I stop smiling, say a firm "No." and lightly swat her little thigh with a wooden paint stick. It's already worked. What I find amusing, is how upset all you women who have been brainwashed by the liberal agenda get over women who actually do their JOBS and TRAIN their children. And actually, I commonly have a house-pet in mind while t-r-a-i-n-i-n-g my girls. I say, "If a stupid dog can learn to 'sit', then my baby, who is obviously of much greater intellect than a dog, can learn to OBEY."
    Train your kids! I don't want their raunchy little attitudes around mine in sunday school just because you didn't do your job...

  20. HA! I have a 4 month old and a 1 year old, and I'm telling you that these tactics work. My first slept all night at 3 weeks, and the second, at 1.5 months. How? A dark room and a closed door until sun-up. That's how. With my 4 month old, I noticed that she has a terrible temper. When she is mad she cries totally different than when she needs something. So... I've taken to looking her in the eyes and gently caressing her, and smiling big when she is quiet, and when she begins to show anger, I stop smiling, say a firm "No." and lightly swat her little thigh with a wooden paint stick. It's already worked. What I find amusing, is how upset all you women who have been brainwashed by the liberal agenda get over women who actually do their JOBS and TRAIN their children. And actually, I commonly have a house-pet in mind while t-r-a-i-n-i-n-g my girls. I say, "If a stupid dog can learn to 'sit', then my baby, who is obviously of much greater intellect than a dog, can learn to OBEY."
    Train your kids! I don't want their raunchy little attitudes around mine in sunday school just because you didn't do your job...

  21. My son had his first birthday yesterday, and my husband and I will be following your information very closely--when we see something not based in Scripture, or that seems incorect, we'll search our Bibles and pray (I love your wife's book, and it has changed our marriage, so I'm thinking there won't be many of those issues!). I find it especially telling how your writing, Mr. Pearl, oozes love and respect for children as being created in the image of God...while those who try to argue seem to have little to fall back on other than "my child is well-behaved". It seems that their focus is on outward behavior rather than the solemn training of children God dearly loves.

  22. My son had his first birthday yesterday, and my husband and I will be following your information very closely--when we see something not based in Scripture, or that seems incorect, we'll search our Bibles and pray (I love your wife's book, and it has changed our marriage, so I'm thinking there won't be many of those issues!). I find it especially telling how your writing, Mr. Pearl, oozes love and respect for children as being created in the image of God...while those who try to argue seem to have little to fall back on other than "my child is well-behaved". It seems that their focus is on outward behavior rather than the solemn training of children God dearly loves.

  23. @Jenifer Training your child is what God called you to do. If it disgusts you, you are disgusted with God, and if you're so disgusted with God why are you on this page?

    The Bible says you hate your child if you don't do what God called you to do as a mother. "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

    Your child will be the one throwing books at you and cursing you as a teenager because that is the "normal" thing to do (at least that's what the world says). Keep taking instruction from yourself and you will always be lost.

    God bless.

  24. @Jenifer Training your child is what God called you to do. If it disgusts you, you are disgusted with God, and if you're so disgusted with God why are you on this page?

    The Bible says you hate your child if you don't do what God called you to do as a mother. "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

    Your child will be the one throwing books at you and cursing you as a teenager because that is the "normal" thing to do (at least that's what the world says). Keep taking instruction from yourself and you will always be lost.

    God bless.

  25. I leave you "scoffers" with this: I have heard it's been said that Charles Manson's mother declared, "I don't know WHAT happened to Charlie. When he was little we gave him everything he ever wanted." Uh, yeah. Right.

    Mike and Debi: praise God for using you to help so many of us . . . and Dani, Semper Fi from one Marine to another.

  26. I leave you "scoffers" with this: I have heard it's been said that Charles Manson's mother declared, "I don't know WHAT happened to Charlie. When he was little we gave him everything he ever wanted." Uh, yeah. Right.

    Mike and Debi: praise God for using you to help so many of us . . . and Dani, Semper Fi from one Marine to another.

  27. I have to say one more thing. People, quit picking on the Pearls. Read more than one article. Lay your prejudice at the door, and come to the printed page with an open mind. Quit looking for things to twist and distort . . . it's just not there. Understand the spirit in which the information is being given. Look at the fruit of these teachings. You will see these are not necessarily the Pearls teachings, but BIBLE teachings. Mike and Debi have simply put them into laymen's terms. Bless your hearts.

  28. I have to say one more thing. People, quit picking on the Pearls. Read more than one article. Lay your prejudice at the door, and come to the printed page with an open mind. Quit looking for things to twist and distort . . . it's just not there. Understand the spirit in which the information is being given. Look at the fruit of these teachings. You will see these are not necessarily the Pearls teachings, but BIBLE teachings. Mike and Debi have simply put them into laymen's terms. Bless your hearts.

  29. To try and train a newborn is absurd. It goes against basic children psychology. The first months of their life they are learning to trust the parents, that someone will always be there when they have a need and that the need will be met. You can still have respect as a parent with a more balanced way of discipline. This is all so fear based.

  30. To try and train a newborn is absurd. It goes against basic children psychology. The first months of their life they are learning to trust the parents, that someone will always be there when they have a need and that the need will be met. You can still have respect as a parent with a more balanced way of discipline. This is all so fear based.

  31. I'm having a hard time with an area of training with my 14 month old son and looking for your advice. He has a hard time settleing at night and I felt it was time to train him to laydown when he is placed in the crib...it wasn't quick but after 7 or 8 times of sitting up he settled in and slept. Yay! He seemed to understand that he was to lie down if he was in the crib, but he continues to get up, I feel like I should stay there till he falls asleep otherwise I will train him to wait long enough and the mommy will stop coming in, so I stay till he's asleep. With two naps a day and a 2 year old running around this is not really easy but I didn't have kids to make my life easy : ) So it has been about a week and he still is not just laying down and staying there. I'm ready to stop and just let him get older but I don't know if there is another option that I have not tried?

  32. I'm having a hard time with an area of training with my 14 month old son and looking for your advice. He has a hard time settleing at night and I felt it was time to train him to laydown when he is placed in the crib...it wasn't quick but after 7 or 8 times of sitting up he settled in and slept. Yay! He seemed to understand that he was to lie down if he was in the crib, but he continues to get up, I feel like I should stay there till he falls asleep otherwise I will train him to wait long enough and the mommy will stop coming in, so I stay till he's asleep. With two naps a day and a 2 year old running around this is not really easy but I didn't have kids to make my life easy : ) So it has been about a week and he still is not just laying down and staying there. I'm ready to stop and just let him get older but I don't know if there is another option that I have not tried?

  33. Wow, everything from the article to the comments is interesting and sort of entertaining. I got to this article after I read 'No Greater Joy'. I am young and am to have my first child in summer. To read the comments of parents who are 'disgusted' with these teachings is actually disgusting to me. I have seen these kind of parents who think of their children as 'good'. I have worked in daycares and have 15 nieces and nephews so I know just how little children manipulate thier parents into thinking they are good. The moment this kind of parent walks in the door of the care center, the toddler, who was absolutly fine a second ago, somehow transforms into this little victom, or whiner, or throws fits, just to get his way....and by the response of the parents, I see why the kid acts that way! Seriously, this world is messed up, the kids have more rights than the parents! I am so thankful to have been introduced to the teaching of the Pearls. I knew there must be somthing out there that is Biblical, Godly, pure and right in raising children. And now, getting ready to raise a child with my husband, I am excited to get started in raising wise and Godly people. Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Pearls.

  34. Wow, everything from the article to the comments is interesting and sort of entertaining. I got to this article after I read 'No Greater Joy'. I am young and am to have my first child in summer. To read the comments of parents who are 'disgusted' with these teachings is actually disgusting to me. I have seen these kind of parents who think of their children as 'good'. I have worked in daycares and have 15 nieces and nephews so I know just how little children manipulate thier parents into thinking they are good. The moment this kind of parent walks in the door of the care center, the toddler, who was absolutly fine a second ago, somehow transforms into this little victom, or whiner, or throws fits, just to get his way....and by the response of the parents, I see why the kid acts that way! Seriously, this world is messed up, the kids have more rights than the parents! I am so thankful to have been introduced to the teaching of the Pearls. I knew there must be somthing out there that is Biblical, Godly, pure and right in raising children. And now, getting ready to raise a child with my husband, I am excited to get started in raising wise and Godly people. Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Pearls.

  35. Thank you so much for your Godly wisdom! I am not a parent yet, but grew up in a home where my parents were very much influenced by you and your wife while raising my younger brother and sister (who are 10 and 12 years younger than I). As I observed the way they guided and disciplined, I learned that the most important aspect of parenting, is to show a child what faithfulness is so that they can walk in it! Thank you again!

  36. Thank you so much for your Godly wisdom! I am not a parent yet, but grew up in a home where my parents were very much influenced by you and your wife while raising my younger brother and sister (who are 10 and 12 years younger than I). As I observed the way they guided and disciplined, I learned that the most important aspect of parenting, is to show a child what faithfulness is so that they can walk in it! Thank you again!

  37. The bible most certainly does tell us to train up a child. But it does not tell us to do it the way the Pearls advocate. If my child is crying in his crib, I pick up my child. In this way I am training him to know that I am nearby, that I will come to his aid, that I am there to love and comfort him. Please understand that you are reading but one man's idea of what training is. Please pray about this, and God will give you the wisdom and knowledge to understand what training is.

  38. The bible most certainly does tell us to train up a child. But it does not tell us to do it the way the Pearls advocate. If my child is crying in his crib, I pick up my child. In this way I am training him to know that I am nearby, that I will come to his aid, that I am there to love and comfort him. Please understand that you are reading but one man's idea of what training is. Please pray about this, and God will give you the wisdom and knowledge to understand what training is.

  39. We are a missionary family with 8 children under that age of 15. I wish I would have read this article 15 years ago. We introduced to the NGJ resources about 6 years ago. We see the fruit of applying these biblical principles to the raising of our kids, especially our two little boys ages 3 and now 2.

  40. We are a missionary family with 8 children under that age of 15. I wish I would have read this article 15 years ago. We introduced to the NGJ resources about 6 years ago. We see the fruit of applying these biblical principles to the raising of our kids, especially our two little boys ages 3 and now 2.

  41. I just wanted to add after reading some comments that are not in favor of the Pearls advice... My children are raised very much in the same way discussed above. I have a 2 year old and a 5 month old, both full of life, and love. My son who is spanked when he doesnt obey has more compassion than I have ever seen in any boy!! He has a huge personality, and is encouraged to laugh and play. Everyone around him, even those who have only just met him comment about how not only well behaved, but also how polite he is. He is not a doormat, but he is obedient. This very obedience has kept him safe from running out into the road, from touching a hot stove, etc... We correct our children and spank them as God commanded us because just that He commands us to. Listen to God or not, but it doesnt change the commandments of God. I was spanked by my non christian parents out of anger and abused growing up. From this I understand how people could get spanking confused thinking everyone does this. Abuse isnt from God, nor is this ever how he commands us to spank our children. If you open your hearts and pray and ask God to show you how he would have you to correct your children then you cant go wrong. God will never tell you to do something that is against His word. In His word is says to correct your child with a rod. If you want to come down on the Pearls for saying the same thing, just know that its not the Pearls who you are arguing with, its God. Take up your problem with the way he designed you to discipline your children with Him. He made your child, so shouldnt he have some say in how you are to also raise them?

    A child corrected with a spanking in a calm manner, and not out of anger will never resent you, or feel abused. They will always feel loved, and have a deeper desire to obey. If you dont feel like spanking is effective, it doesnt matter. What matters is that you are doing what God says to do. Nowhere does the bible use the word time out, or tell you not to correct your kids, and hope that just because they are doing good now they will do just as good later. Children need to learn that disobedience to parents has a painful real and immediate consequence, if they dont, they will have to learn later, and it will be more painful then. What hurts more, a spanking now, or jail, a teen pregnancy, std's, a disobedient heart toward God later...? Show me your well disciplined child without spanking when they are an adult, and I will show you mine. The Pearls have a great track record, and none of their kids have went out with hatred and neglect, telling the world of their abuse. This is because they werent abused, but instead shown love in the purest way possibly. The way God shows us love. God says in his word that he chastises whom he loves. Likewise we must do the same with our children. How then will they learn to be obedient to God later if they cant be obedient to us now?

  42. I just wanted to add after reading some comments that are not in favor of the Pearls advice... My children are raised very much in the same way discussed above. I have a 2 year old and a 5 month old, both full of life, and love. My son who is spanked when he doesnt obey has more compassion than I have ever seen in any boy!! He has a huge personality, and is encouraged to laugh and play. Everyone around him, even those who have only just met him comment about how not only well behaved, but also how polite he is. He is not a doormat, but he is obedient. This very obedience has kept him safe from running out into the road, from touching a hot stove, etc... We correct our children and spank them as God commanded us because just that He commands us to. Listen to God or not, but it doesnt change the commandments of God. I was spanked by my non christian parents out of anger and abused growing up. From this I understand how people could get spanking confused thinking everyone does this. Abuse isnt from God, nor is this ever how he commands us to spank our children. If you open your hearts and pray and ask God to show you how he would have you to correct your children then you cant go wrong. God will never tell you to do something that is against His word. In His word is says to correct your child with a rod. If you want to come down on the Pearls for saying the same thing, just know that its not the Pearls who you are arguing with, its God. Take up your problem with the way he designed you to discipline your children with Him. He made your child, so shouldnt he have some say in how you are to also raise them?

    A child corrected with a spanking in a calm manner, and not out of anger will never resent you, or feel abused. They will always feel loved, and have a deeper desire to obey. If you dont feel like spanking is effective, it doesnt matter. What matters is that you are doing what God says to do. Nowhere does the bible use the word time out, or tell you not to correct your kids, and hope that just because they are doing good now they will do just as good later. Children need to learn that disobedience to parents has a painful real and immediate consequence, if they dont, they will have to learn later, and it will be more painful then. What hurts more, a spanking now, or jail, a teen pregnancy, std's, a disobedient heart toward God later...? Show me your well disciplined child without spanking when they are an adult, and I will show you mine. The Pearls have a great track record, and none of their kids have went out with hatred and neglect, telling the world of their abuse. This is because they werent abused, but instead shown love in the purest way possibly. The way God shows us love. God says in his word that he chastises whom he loves. Likewise we must do the same with our children. How then will they learn to be obedient to God later if they cant be obedient to us now?

  43. My husband and I have read many of your books and articles and have benefited in many ways but we just recently had our first child. Abishai is a 3 month old sweet baby girl but we don't want to waste a min training her up for the Lord, do you have any more information on infant training?

  44. My husband and I have read many of your books and articles and have benefited in many ways but we just recently had our first child. Abishai is a 3 month old sweet baby girl but we don't want to waste a min training her up for the Lord, do you have any more information on infant training?

  45. Your "advice" goes against years upon years of research of psychologists. It is a proven fact that infants under 6 months of age do not have any self-soothing abilities, so to let them cry instead of picking them up does not train them to be self-sufficient, it teaches them that their parents will not be there for them when they need them. I have a feeling that what you are teaching will not create respectful adults, it will instead create sociopaths who are unable to express themselves constructively and therefore will inflict pain not only on themselves, but others. You have no credentials and to say that you speak the word of God is pure blasphemy! God does not seek punishment as you suggest. God is forgiving. You should be ashamed of what you are encouraging parents to do to their children. There is a distinct difference between reprimanding a child for bad behavior and abusing one!

  46. Your "advice" goes against years upon years of research of psychologists. It is a proven fact that infants under 6 months of age do not have any self-soothing abilities, so to let them cry instead of picking them up does not train them to be self-sufficient, it teaches them that their parents will not be there for them when they need them. I have a feeling that what you are teaching will not create respectful adults, it will instead create sociopaths who are unable to express themselves constructively and therefore will inflict pain not only on themselves, but others. You have no credentials and to say that you speak the word of God is pure blasphemy! God does not seek punishment as you suggest. God is forgiving. You should be ashamed of what you are encouraging parents to do to their children. There is a distinct difference between reprimanding a child for bad behavior and abusing one!

  47. elizabeth- I cannot believe anyone would leave a three week old child without a feeding all night! This is incredibly dangerous as infants have higher metabolisms and to not feed them at least every 4 hours can cause a very dangerous drop in blood sugar. Please anyone who reads this don't leave children that young that long without a feeding!

  48. elizabeth- I cannot believe anyone would leave a three week old child without a feeding all night! This is incredibly dangerous as infants have higher metabolisms and to not feed them at least every 4 hours can cause a very dangerous drop in blood sugar. Please anyone who reads this don't leave children that young that long without a feeding!

  49. My husband and I are saved, King James Bible believing Christians and the Lord has blessed us with identical twins that have very different personalities. We have put much prayer and study into how to raise our children God's way because our greatest desire is that our children will get saved and serve the Lord. I can already confirm that the techniques that the Pearls use do work. It always amazes me how the Lord will let you know when you are doing right. In every situation where we have not given into our children's wills, they are always so happy after all is said and done. I love waking up to them "talking" in their bed instead of screaming (which they once did) and then when I walk in they get a huge smile on their face and "talk" even more. So if using these tactics is so wrong then why are they so happy? Our twins are four months old and I get compliments all the time on how they are the best behaved babies and very happy. They now obey when the are prompted to put their hands down. I thought it was funny that someone made the comment that kids are not animals. That's right they are not animals they are much smarter than animals so they should be easier to train earlier. Every puppy that I have ever had we have started training right away and usually we would get one at about six weeks of age. Thank you so much Pearls for your wisdom I have read many other documents from Godly men who have raised Godly children who are serving the Lord and their wisdom is all very similar. I'm sure glad God doesn't change.

  50. My husband and I are saved, King James Bible believing Christians and the Lord has blessed us with identical twins that have very different personalities. We have put much prayer and study into how to raise our children God's way because our greatest desire is that our children will get saved and serve the Lord. I can already confirm that the techniques that the Pearls use do work. It always amazes me how the Lord will let you know when you are doing right. In every situation where we have not given into our children's wills, they are always so happy after all is said and done. I love waking up to them "talking" in their bed instead of screaming (which they once did) and then when I walk in they get a huge smile on their face and "talk" even more. So if using these tactics is so wrong then why are they so happy? Our twins are four months old and I get compliments all the time on how they are the best behaved babies and very happy. They now obey when the are prompted to put their hands down. I thought it was funny that someone made the comment that kids are not animals. That's right they are not animals they are much smarter than animals so they should be easier to train earlier. Every puppy that I have ever had we have started training right away and usually we would get one at about six weeks of age. Thank you so much Pearls for your wisdom I have read many other documents from Godly men who have raised Godly children who are serving the Lord and their wisdom is all very similar. I'm sure glad God doesn't change.

  51. @Dawn - There is now a whole generation of parents that were raised by this child training philosophy and are now happy, healthy, well-adjusted and positively contributing to society and now in turn successfully raising their own happy, healthy, well-adjusted children. The problem with much of the

  52. @Dawn - There is now a whole generation of parents that were raised by this child training philosophy and are now happy, healthy, well-adjusted and positively contributing to society and now in turn successfully raising their own happy, healthy, well-adjusted children. The problem with much of the

  53. I love the NGJ ministry. It has helped me so much in learning to raise my son with a Godly standard, as I was not raised in a Godly home. My husband and I have put many of these practices to use, and we have a happy, healthy, CONFIDENT 4 year old, who has so much joy in his heart. Thank you so much for your ministry. It's been a true blessing for us!

  54. I love the NGJ ministry. It has helped me so much in learning to raise my son with a Godly standard, as I was not raised in a Godly home. My husband and I have put many of these practices to use, and we have a happy, healthy, CONFIDENT 4 year old, who has so much joy in his heart. Thank you so much for your ministry. It's been a true blessing for us!