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Obsessions

December 15, 2010
Older man hauling big freshly caught fish

Men are a different sort of people that are very hard for us more emotionally balanced females to understand. To prove this statement I would like to bring to your attention one very bad male quirk. They become obsessed with something: their jobs, a project (meaningful or otherwise), a sport or hobby, or any number of “I'm too busy” projects.

I know most of you ladies in our readership have assumed Mike is the perfect husband. I can't imagine what gave you that idea. Here is a true story of just what a rotten fellow he used to be. Now, forty years later, he has finally become a bit embarrassed about the dead, stiff, stinky rabbits. He has never actually said so, but I know. I can tell from the way he grins when the word “rabbit” happens to come up in any context. He has grown, but he is still given to obsessions.

The year we married Mike was obsessed with rabbit hunting. He talked about it all week long and prepared for it for days. After the before-dawn-to-after-dusk hunt he spent the rest of the week recovering.

I, being a new wife that had predetermined to be sweet, uncomplaining, and basically wonderful, tried to smile sweetly and tolerate his misuse of my loving self. But enough is enough; I'll skip the part where I lost my determination.

By the day of the hunt Mike had already spent not just the previous three days getting ready, but also a good chunk of our very limited income making ready for his rigorous day of hunting. He explained he needed an abundance of 12-gauge shotgun shells and every accessory the store carried that pertained to rabbit hunting.

On the chosen morning I just slept in, knowing that it would be a long lonesome day. I had no children to care for or distract me, we had no TV, and the web and DVDs would not be invented for decades. He took our only car, and we lived too far out of town to walk anywhere, so I was stuck. Rabbit hunting was only in season during the winter, so there was no gardening or other outside work. I mostly muddled around and wished I had a book to read. I read a lot during those days.

About an hour after dark he would stumble in the door half-frozen, smelling like blood, guts, and other filthy things. He always—always—returned from the hunt with a blinding migraine headache. He never spoke as he handed me six or eight stiff carcasses. I knew by the motioning of his head he meant for me to do something proper with them. By that time the poor old rabbits had ridden on his hip for most of the day. They were ripe, foul, and disgusting. That was exactly how I was feeling.

Hey, but I was a Created lady in the making and I was not going to let a small thing like being expected to skin and clean a few rotten rabbits (then figure out how to make them taste decent) deter me.

After two or three hunts I knew the scenario. He first took something for his migraine and then a long soak in a deep hot tub. After that he was ready for a good hot meal, but only if I had finished cleaning the rabbits and gotten the awful odor out of the kitchen.

For the next couple days I would wait on him hand and foot while he recovered, and then the process started all over again. Every year I was sure he would grow out of his obsession for rabbit hunting. Finally it happened. That was when he took up...well, that's another story.

Why am I badmouthing my husband about something he did 40 years ago? Well, memories might be old, but so am I, and they are still there in my brain just as fresh as the day he handed me my first batch of six dead rabbits. I smile as I look back to those crazy days and I smile as I try to write to all you SANE females. I want you to know you are not alone in your quandary of having a husband that is too obsessed to do what he should be doing when he should be doing it.

Let's face it: most men are given to obsessions, for even if they are good obsessions they are still obsessions. These obsessions come in many forms. Some are evil (I will not address these problems), but most obsessions are just an expression of the male’s will to conquer and dominate his environment.

Many men, deprived of an environment where they can meet challenges in the real world, resort to watching someone else conquer on the field of sports. They know the names and the accomplishments of men who played years ago. Who could possibly care? They do.

Some men like to fix up cars. Old cars, big trucks, fancy cars, weird vans, or even tractors. I'd be embarrassed. They’re not.

Other men like to train animals, usually horses. This seems more “normal” to me, but not much. It still seems close to childishness.

Some men are into hunting and fishing. The country boys where we live are mostly of this addiction, so it seems almost normal to me.

And then there are those men who just like to work. Work is a sport, work is a challenge, work is fun. They don't necessarily want to run the company; they just like to see their contribution making a difference. They are movers and shakers. They have ideas and like to run with their ideas and make things happen in a big way, no matter how much they have to sacrifice. They see that what they do makes life better for a great number of people. Now, this kind of man seems stable to me. Alas, Mike was never in this particular category.

Have I missed your man’s obsession? Well, feel free to write in your own paragraph. I am sure there are thousands of other strange things that capture the minds and hearts of men. It is not as if your man has a disease and is abnormal. Almost every male I know is or has at some time been afflicted with this obsessive-compulsive disorder. The big question is how we, as stable, hard-working, family-committed wives, respond to what feels to us like an unhealthy imbalance.

I said it “feels to us like an unhealthy imbalance.” We can cultivate the feelings that cause us to criticize and feel self-pity, or we can change our Stinking Thinking and discover a balance that keeps us from becoming the Crazy Lady I described in Created to Be His Help Meet. The pity party will not win his affection or compliance, at least not the kind we desire. I veto this strategy.

Another common approach is anger. I’ve tried this before. I am talking about a real fit-pitching, foot-stomping, “you get your act together or else” anger.

Or else WHAT? You don’t even want to go there. Nip this one, too.

I’ve even tried winning him away from his obsessions with my sweeter side. It distracted him for a few minutes; then he was back to being focused on his obsession. I was more irritated than ever.

Then there is the idea to make him obsess over something that you want him to obsess over such as starting his own business or ministry. Most ladies would love their husband to obsess over the family. Don’t hold your breath. Some ladies want their husbands to move, get involved in the latest political crisis, or another dozen or so things we regularly hear in our letters. No matter how worthy your dreams, a man can’t obsess over your obsession. It is not in his nature. The sooner you learn that, the happier you both will be.

What's a lady to do? Some ladies get a life. Sometimes it is the only remedy. The problem is that when he comes off his high, he wants you there to clean the road kill, and if you are too busy to be his help meet, then what you're doing is not good. Sad, is it not?

So what is the answer? How does a woman stay loving, kind, and sane when her husband spends much of his life obsessed?

I found an answer for me, but it would not work for all ladies. I worked with Mike, I learned to sort of enjoy his type of working and playing, and when I couldn't be a part of his obsession, I studied. I love learning, so it became my sidekick. I never signed up for classes. I went to the library and got books on many different subjects. That is how I knew how to run a business when God opened up the possibility of No Greater Joy Ministries. At a yard sale 15 years earlier I bought a set of tapes and books on the subject of managing a company. I studied while the kids slept. When To Train Up A Child was published, I was ready and able. The trouble is that not all women like to study, so my solution will not work for everyone.

While I was contemplating and writing this article, my oldest son Gabe stopped at our house to borrow our four-wheeler to go pick up a deer he had killed an hour earlier. He seemed the right kind of man to ask (obsessed), so I said, “What can a woman do that would help her stay happy if her husband was obsessed with some project or sport or even work?”

His reaction was classic. He threw back his shoulders and lifted his head, making him look seven feet tall, but he still looked guilty. “Why?”

When I explained the unchallenging nature of my question, his stature relaxed and he had a ready answer. He said he knew a lady who was married to a man that was obsessed with working. Mr. Workaholic loved his line of work and could not leave if he was needed. So after his lady raised a houseful of kids, she took up a competitive sport and has become successful and satisfied. Not my cup of tea, but hey, it worked for her.

This is all very amusing as I write, but I know there are women reading this article that are weeping because they feel so deprived of their husband’s love and attention due to his obsession. I wish I had an answer for more of you, but alas I don’t. But I know among our audience there are hundreds of ladies who found a way through this abyss.

What was your solution? How did you maintain being a godly wife while your crazy husband worked or played too long, too much, and too hard?

Do you have an answer for the thousands of frustrated wives out there who read our literature that need a way to make it through cheerfully and constructively? What have you done that could help others learn how to grow as a person so that they no longer need to control their husband’s man-thing of obsessing.

If you have managed to break your husband’s spirit and turn him into a submissive, mindless robot, please don’t write and tell us how you did it. I don’t want to know. I am not looking for ways to change a man, break a man, destroy a man, or generally make a man into a woman. I am looking for ways you have found that caused you as a woman to grow to meet this challenge.

My experience tells me that nearly all men, maybe all, have a tendency to obsess. This should ring a bell in your mind, a bell that says this is a natural man-thing. If that is so then God must have given females the means to have the woman-thing reaction that is both resourceful and constructive.

The man-drive could have been put there for a number of reasons—good reasons. Survival has often depended on man being obstinately driven. Look how a man cuts firewood and stacks it for the winter, or how he gets a building project started and works night and day like his life depended on it. It may be a farm combine that must be fixed to get the crop in or just a motorcycle he is overhauling in the garage, but he is driven to ignore the clock and all things and people around him until he completes his job. It is the way of men, necessary in more trying and demanding times but often out of place in our modern world. Today, men are forced into cultures where the man-drive is not so necessary, but that doesn't make the drive go away. Of course, the Scripture teaches a man needs to learn temperance—but from God, not their wives.

This article is not finished. I have deliberately left you hanging. I want your input. If you have some good ideas I may just publish it in your name, unless you indicate otherwise. So share with the other frustrated ladies how you adjusted to this man-thing of obsession.

Our next article is going to encourage wives to grow, stretch and become a woman of character that stands to serve and honor her husband but also stands strong in her own drives and hopes. As long as your mind is focused on just tolerating his “problem” then you lack personal growth. The Scripture has an interesting way of bringing to our attention how we often can't see our own lacking. “Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?” (Matthew 7:4).

Join the conversation at PreparingToBeAHelpMeet.com. We will be posting many of your letters there. Until then...just be thankful you’re not being handed six stiff, foul rabbits to clean. There’s always an upside. Your job is to find it.

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193 comments on “Obsessions”

  1. Rats! You mean I am going to have to deal with this my whole life?! I thought my dad was that way because he's a visionary...(right now it's sound equipment for the family band & playing the bass). He's a good man, works, provides, etc. but every free moment is spent talking, rehashing, talking or playing music or talking about anything related to the above. And did I mention talking about it? (!!!) I'm tired out & I'm only his daughter!
    Thank you Deb; addressing these issues makes them much easier to handle; just knowing that they are there & that that's part of the package, not just something I conjured up to be irritated about, helps immensely. Thanks again.
    I realized can call Dad & all men crazy, but it occurs to me that it is crazier to want to marry a crazy person than it is to be one...so I'll keep my mouth shut & wait for my "crazy" to come. 🙂
    Thanks again Deb.

  2. Rats! You mean I am going to have to deal with this my whole life?! I thought my dad was that way because he's a visionary...(right now it's sound equipment for the family band & playing the bass). He's a good man, works, provides, etc. but every free moment is spent talking, rehashing, talking or playing music or talking about anything related to the above. And did I mention talking about it? (!!!) I'm tired out & I'm only his daughter!
    Thank you Deb; addressing these issues makes them much easier to handle; just knowing that they are there & that that's part of the package, not just something I conjured up to be irritated about, helps immensely. Thanks again.
    I realized can call Dad & all men crazy, but it occurs to me that it is crazier to want to marry a crazy person than it is to be one...so I'll keep my mouth shut & wait for my "crazy" to come. 🙂
    Thanks again Deb.

  3. I wish my husband was obsessed with something. He hates his job. He does spend some time on the internet shopping or buying motorcylce parts. But at this time it seems he has lost a place to focus on an obsession. So he spends much of his time talking about how much he hates his job.

  4. I wish my husband was obsessed with something. He hates his job. He does spend some time on the internet shopping or buying motorcylce parts. But at this time it seems he has lost a place to focus on an obsession. So he spends much of his time talking about how much he hates his job.

  5. I love watching my husband build and create things. He's just like a little boy showing off when he shows me his progress! He's making a hope chest for our youngest daughter now, and it sure is a beaut. Of course, nothing else is getting done (by him) so I just learn how to do it myself. It doesn't hurt to know how to do things, anyhow! 🙂

  6. I love watching my husband build and create things. He's just like a little boy showing off when he shows me his progress! He's making a hope chest for our youngest daughter now, and it sure is a beaut. Of course, nothing else is getting done (by him) so I just learn how to do it myself. It doesn't hurt to know how to do things, anyhow! 🙂

  7. Well, I'm not there quite yet, but I'm working on it. My husband (a classic Mr. Steady with overtones of Visionary) has started two businesses in the last 5 - 6 years, and has been a workaholic since our courtship days. He is also a minister. This translates into a lot of time at his computer, either working or studying, or out of the house (as he often doesn't study well with the kids in the background, etc.). It's only in the last year I've come to accept that this is my husband, and to praise him. I still fail, but whenever I think of him while he's gone, I try to say, "Lord, be with him, help him to succeed, help me to love him as he is," and things are surely changing! Also... I've picked up a big hobby. I asked God to show me something I could do as a business (like the Prov 31 woman who sells her handiwork). Somehow I remembered how much I love to crochet and do that type of thing with my hand, so I've been making accessories for girls and women, have sold several, and am about to start a business with it. It's not so much that I'll make a great deal of money, but that my hobby keeps me entertained, fulfills a part of me that needs a separate interest from kids (a 1-year-old and 3-year-old), cooking, and housework, helps me to focus on something other than my husband's absence, and covers the cost of materials it takes to continue with my hobby. I've had so much fun since this opened up for me, and spend several hours a week at it. In the meantime, my husband has become more of a man in my eyes. 🙂 I'm no longer trying to control and he's responding, for sure.

  8. Well, I'm not there quite yet, but I'm working on it. My husband (a classic Mr. Steady with overtones of Visionary) has started two businesses in the last 5 - 6 years, and has been a workaholic since our courtship days. He is also a minister. This translates into a lot of time at his computer, either working or studying, or out of the house (as he often doesn't study well with the kids in the background, etc.). It's only in the last year I've come to accept that this is my husband, and to praise him. I still fail, but whenever I think of him while he's gone, I try to say, "Lord, be with him, help him to succeed, help me to love him as he is," and things are surely changing! Also... I've picked up a big hobby. I asked God to show me something I could do as a business (like the Prov 31 woman who sells her handiwork). Somehow I remembered how much I love to crochet and do that type of thing with my hand, so I've been making accessories for girls and women, have sold several, and am about to start a business with it. It's not so much that I'll make a great deal of money, but that my hobby keeps me entertained, fulfills a part of me that needs a separate interest from kids (a 1-year-old and 3-year-old), cooking, and housework, helps me to focus on something other than my husband's absence, and covers the cost of materials it takes to continue with my hobby. I've had so much fun since this opened up for me, and spend several hours a week at it. In the meantime, my husband has become more of a man in my eyes. 🙂 I'm no longer trying to control and he's responding, for sure.

  9. My husband is totally and completely obsessed with football, one team in particular. Every year o opening day we would have knock down drag out fights! I hated it!!!! So for four hours I had to figure out what to do with myself. I though back to high school when I was a cheerleader. I decided to spend those four hours cheering on my husband, being happy formhim, and taking joy in watching him get excited hoop and hollar. Now we get to spend those hours together, and he LOVES the fact that he gets to watch his team with his woman by his side.

  10. My husband is totally and completely obsessed with football, one team in particular. Every year o opening day we would have knock down drag out fights! I hated it!!!! So for four hours I had to figure out what to do with myself. I though back to high school when I was a cheerleader. I decided to spend those four hours cheering on my husband, being happy formhim, and taking joy in watching him get excited hoop and hollar. Now we get to spend those hours together, and he LOVES the fact that he gets to watch his team with his woman by his side.

  11. This was so encouraging, 30 min ago I asked myself the question, "Do the Pearls ever have problems? Do the Duggers ever have issues? What about Doug Phillips, is his life just that hunky dory?" Then I opened my email. And now I feel my struggles are not alone. Thanks!

  12. This was so encouraging, 30 min ago I asked myself the question, "Do the Pearls ever have problems? Do the Duggers ever have issues? What about Doug Phillips, is his life just that hunky dory?" Then I opened my email. And now I feel my struggles are not alone. Thanks!

  13. Great article Debi! I am fortunate enough to be married to a Mr. Steady so he is not given to extremes, thankfully! Even his obsessions are so mild compared to your experiences and I'm sure others reading this. I am grateful! However, at first I thought, hmmmm...my husband must be strange, he doesn't have any "obessions". Compared to your list, he almost doesn't! 🙂 Then I started thinking about what annoys me or has in the past. I could make a list of the typical male issues (I do not believe they can be trained to have a "place for everything and everything in it's place") but why? The real issues aren't those daily things that are annoying but trivial. What has made me at times feel neglected-there's the clincher! He has played golf weekly for years. Ok, so what's so bad about that? In itself, nothing, except that I am not able to ever get time alone to sew or do the varying crafts or projects I enjoy (we have small children). I mean he GOLFS on these days and any opportunity he gets to go on a weekend or whenever, he goes! Regardless. He also likes to play solitaire on the computer, I know I know, silly but sometimes it's aggrivating when dinner is waiting or the kids need some help and I'm up to my eyeballs in a project or chore and he's not willing to leave his little non-reality card game. Yes, you heard a little contention..did I let that out? Ha!! Anyway, let me tell you, at first these things were, as you said, tolerated and I determined to support him, no matter what. After a while, it got old, really old. I did all the things you mentioned and honestly, I thank God He got a hold of my mind and heart. My husband is a great man, I mean a great man! He loves me so much and would do anything to make me happy (as long as it isn't on golf night! hee hee). He is trustworthy, honest and a real hero to me. No he isn't perfect, yes I get overwhelmed BUT he is there no matter what, even when I'm ugly in my attitude. So, is it really too much to allow our men to have these obsessions? Honestly? Now if a man is not taking care of his family, that would be different, if they were going to lose their home or ability to eat because of his obsession, then intervention is needed! That is no longer a typical obsession, that is an addiction and is causing harm and sin on his part.
    Ladies, if your man has things he enjoys that keep him balanced and life exciting, you better not take it away from him. How selfish can you be? >:( Suck it up, support him and cheer him on! Atleast don't pout when he goes or sulk like a child. If you, like me, need some sanity time too then make sure you schedule it in. If you leave it up to him to intuitively know you need this time or even remember it's your evening of projects or what have you, forget it. Put it on the calendar, remind him often and do it with a smile and not an air of contention! Also, if he still forgets or doesn't do it, all I can say is yes, it's unfair. E-mail me and I'll listen to you whine, I get in the same boat, often. I will not agree with you though that your man is awful because of it...a typical male yes but awful, no. I will encourage you though to keep loving your man anyway, your time will come. My boys, yes I have 3 more obsessed little men in the making and no girls to balance it all out, will not be little much longer. I will have all the time in the world in a few years. What will I do then? Well, I have a mental list ready to go! 🙂 In the meantime, I am trying to not let the Devil ruin things by getting on my stupid pity-pot that doesn't do anyone any good and sets a poor example of a wife to my boys!
    Get a life girls! A life that champions your husband by kindness and grace. Remember the times he shows you grace by not pointing out all your attitudes and flaws and demanding you change.
    There's my 10 cents worth..I could probably go on and on! 🙂

  14. Great article Debi! I am fortunate enough to be married to a Mr. Steady so he is not given to extremes, thankfully! Even his obsessions are so mild compared to your experiences and I'm sure others reading this. I am grateful! However, at first I thought, hmmmm...my husband must be strange, he doesn't have any "obessions". Compared to your list, he almost doesn't! 🙂 Then I started thinking about what annoys me or has in the past. I could make a list of the typical male issues (I do not believe they can be trained to have a "place for everything and everything in it's place") but why? The real issues aren't those daily things that are annoying but trivial. What has made me at times feel neglected-there's the clincher! He has played golf weekly for years. Ok, so what's so bad about that? In itself, nothing, except that I am not able to ever get time alone to sew or do the varying crafts or projects I enjoy (we have small children). I mean he GOLFS on these days and any opportunity he gets to go on a weekend or whenever, he goes! Regardless. He also likes to play solitaire on the computer, I know I know, silly but sometimes it's aggrivating when dinner is waiting or the kids need some help and I'm up to my eyeballs in a project or chore and he's not willing to leave his little non-reality card game. Yes, you heard a little contention..did I let that out? Ha!! Anyway, let me tell you, at first these things were, as you said, tolerated and I determined to support him, no matter what. After a while, it got old, really old. I did all the things you mentioned and honestly, I thank God He got a hold of my mind and heart. My husband is a great man, I mean a great man! He loves me so much and would do anything to make me happy (as long as it isn't on golf night! hee hee). He is trustworthy, honest and a real hero to me. No he isn't perfect, yes I get overwhelmed BUT he is there no matter what, even when I'm ugly in my attitude. So, is it really too much to allow our men to have these obsessions? Honestly? Now if a man is not taking care of his family, that would be different, if they were going to lose their home or ability to eat because of his obsession, then intervention is needed! That is no longer a typical obsession, that is an addiction and is causing harm and sin on his part.
    Ladies, if your man has things he enjoys that keep him balanced and life exciting, you better not take it away from him. How selfish can you be? >:( Suck it up, support him and cheer him on! Atleast don't pout when he goes or sulk like a child. If you, like me, need some sanity time too then make sure you schedule it in. If you leave it up to him to intuitively know you need this time or even remember it's your evening of projects or what have you, forget it. Put it on the calendar, remind him often and do it with a smile and not an air of contention! Also, if he still forgets or doesn't do it, all I can say is yes, it's unfair. E-mail me and I'll listen to you whine, I get in the same boat, often. I will not agree with you though that your man is awful because of it...a typical male yes but awful, no. I will encourage you though to keep loving your man anyway, your time will come. My boys, yes I have 3 more obsessed little men in the making and no girls to balance it all out, will not be little much longer. I will have all the time in the world in a few years. What will I do then? Well, I have a mental list ready to go! 🙂 In the meantime, I am trying to not let the Devil ruin things by getting on my stupid pity-pot that doesn't do anyone any good and sets a poor example of a wife to my boys!
    Get a life girls! A life that champions your husband by kindness and grace. Remember the times he shows you grace by not pointing out all your attitudes and flaws and demanding you change.
    There's my 10 cents worth..I could probably go on and on! 🙂

  15. When my husband gets obsessed with his latest project (usually high tech but not always) I try to give him what he wants. Namely, a listening ear as he shares his thoughts and ideas. I praise his efforts. (His love language is words of affirmation.) Then I can throw in my own ideas or opinions, as long as it's done respectfully, and he can consider my ideas. I say "can hear" because if I jump right into criticism, he shuts down.
    So I'm trying to learn to always be the cheerleader first, encouraging his ingenuity. It's good practice for me, in that by putting him first, any irritation or resentment I might have had towards his new project calms down and I can look at his project rationally. If I freak out on him as soon as he excitedly shares with me, then I've lost all opportunity to influence him.

  16. When my husband gets obsessed with his latest project (usually high tech but not always) I try to give him what he wants. Namely, a listening ear as he shares his thoughts and ideas. I praise his efforts. (His love language is words of affirmation.) Then I can throw in my own ideas or opinions, as long as it's done respectfully, and he can consider my ideas. I say "can hear" because if I jump right into criticism, he shuts down.
    So I'm trying to learn to always be the cheerleader first, encouraging his ingenuity. It's good practice for me, in that by putting him first, any irritation or resentment I might have had towards his new project calms down and I can look at his project rationally. If I freak out on him as soon as he excitedly shares with me, then I've lost all opportunity to influence him.

  17. Where was this article when I got married?! Oh I feel foolish now for getting upset over my hubby's obsessions now. He even was obsessed with rabbit hunting for a bit 🙂 thankfully he never got one! Now I realize I need to get a hobby, my only problem is that I enjoy doing lots of things, I just get bored with them all really easily. LOL!

  18. Where was this article when I got married?! Oh I feel foolish now for getting upset over my hubby's obsessions now. He even was obsessed with rabbit hunting for a bit 🙂 thankfully he never got one! Now I realize I need to get a hobby, my only problem is that I enjoy doing lots of things, I just get bored with them all really easily. LOL!

  19. My husband loves to work. He is gone from 1am until 1pm. I have found that if I am always careful to thank him and delight in how hard he works for us he tries to come home faster and has a happy spirit. If I ever say anything negative about his work obsession the next day he comes home sullen and tired - hating his job. So I always tell him how happy I am with how much money he makes, how hard he works and how well he provides for us. I am careful with money so he never feels that we have needs that he cannot provide for.

    But what do I do all morning when he is gone, all afternoon when he is napping and all evening after he goes to bed? I started a mending shop at home (I have always loved sewing) I home school our two boys every morning and in the summer we bike ride all over the place. (They are small so ride in a bike trailer I purchased off of craigs list) I have an online store, I have a few books waiting to be published all of this is written and managed in the evenings after my boys and husband go to bed. My family never feels the effects of MY obsessions but they keep me busy, happy and content.

    When my husband is awake and home our time is spent discussing ideas, events that happened at his workplace or a funny sewing customer that came by. Our time together is precious but never strained with an ugly attitude. I remember that I am for him, not him for me.
    He appreciates my business and brags to all the guys at his work about me. And I appreciate his obsessions and the fact that is exactly what God made him - a MAN!

  20. My husband loves to work. He is gone from 1am until 1pm. I have found that if I am always careful to thank him and delight in how hard he works for us he tries to come home faster and has a happy spirit. If I ever say anything negative about his work obsession the next day he comes home sullen and tired - hating his job. So I always tell him how happy I am with how much money he makes, how hard he works and how well he provides for us. I am careful with money so he never feels that we have needs that he cannot provide for.

    But what do I do all morning when he is gone, all afternoon when he is napping and all evening after he goes to bed? I started a mending shop at home (I have always loved sewing) I home school our two boys every morning and in the summer we bike ride all over the place. (They are small so ride in a bike trailer I purchased off of craigs list) I have an online store, I have a few books waiting to be published all of this is written and managed in the evenings after my boys and husband go to bed. My family never feels the effects of MY obsessions but they keep me busy, happy and content.

    When my husband is awake and home our time is spent discussing ideas, events that happened at his workplace or a funny sewing customer that came by. Our time together is precious but never strained with an ugly attitude. I remember that I am for him, not him for me.
    He appreciates my business and brags to all the guys at his work about me. And I appreciate his obsessions and the fact that is exactly what God made him - a MAN!

  21. I hope you won't consider this "breaking your husband's spirit", but I don't think there's anything wrong with lovingly reminding one's husband that the money he's spending on his "obsession" , at least some of it) is needed for clothes or other things. It seems to me that like everything else, the key is balance - there's nothing wrong with having a strong interest, but I think an obsession that neglects relationships and uses needed money is a sin. Just because most men tend to obsess doesn't mean it can't be a sin to do so...

  22. I hope you won't consider this "breaking your husband's spirit", but I don't think there's anything wrong with lovingly reminding one's husband that the money he's spending on his "obsession" , at least some of it) is needed for clothes or other things. It seems to me that like everything else, the key is balance - there's nothing wrong with having a strong interest, but I think an obsession that neglects relationships and uses needed money is a sin. Just because most men tend to obsess doesn't mean it can't be a sin to do so...

  23. Thank you Debbie for the fine article on a man's obsession(s). For 15 years I have been married to a talented, creative man whose obsession(s) is to restore old things from a 1950 Ford Truck, to his current project a 1964 wooden Chris Craft boat. I suspect his next project, after his boat, will be his vintage motorcycle and side car, that sits in the shed awaiting his full attention! Over the years I have been "blessed" by his obsession(s) for restoring old things. Although, they take much of his free time, I have come to appreciate his God given gift. I have learned to be useful by helping him when he needs it, or making suggestions when he asks "Honey, got a question for you." I have also learned to appreciate his obsession(s) both monetarily and spiritually. Eventually, these projects become valuable and useful, but it is the process (or should I say "gift") of restoration that I see God's character in my husband. These obsession(s) for my husband are one way of "glorying" in his God given ability, and it is a wonderful obsession that he is passing on to our seven year old son, Christian, who loves to work with his dad on these obsessions. As for me, I find the ways to redeem my time during the process by doing the things I enjoy, too! Lastly, the final result of his obsession(s) is getting to enjoy them together as a family!
    Sincerely, Blanca

  24. Thank you Debbie for the fine article on a man's obsession(s). For 15 years I have been married to a talented, creative man whose obsession(s) is to restore old things from a 1950 Ford Truck, to his current project a 1964 wooden Chris Craft boat. I suspect his next project, after his boat, will be his vintage motorcycle and side car, that sits in the shed awaiting his full attention! Over the years I have been "blessed" by his obsession(s) for restoring old things. Although, they take much of his free time, I have come to appreciate his God given gift. I have learned to be useful by helping him when he needs it, or making suggestions when he asks "Honey, got a question for you." I have also learned to appreciate his obsession(s) both monetarily and spiritually. Eventually, these projects become valuable and useful, but it is the process (or should I say "gift") of restoration that I see God's character in my husband. These obsession(s) for my husband are one way of "glorying" in his God given ability, and it is a wonderful obsession that he is passing on to our seven year old son, Christian, who loves to work with his dad on these obsessions. As for me, I find the ways to redeem my time during the process by doing the things I enjoy, too! Lastly, the final result of his obsession(s) is getting to enjoy them together as a family!
    Sincerely, Blanca

  25. I work very hard as a nurse and am exhausted when I come home. When my husband spends long hours off doing something I am grateful for a night off and instead spend my evening spending one-on-one time with my son or enjoying some so-called "me time." I never harass him when he comes home or nag him to come home sooner. I just try to make coming home a good thing for him so he won't stay out late frequently.

  26. I work very hard as a nurse and am exhausted when I come home. When my husband spends long hours off doing something I am grateful for a night off and instead spend my evening spending one-on-one time with my son or enjoying some so-called "me time." I never harass him when he comes home or nag him to come home sooner. I just try to make coming home a good thing for him so he won't stay out late frequently.

  27. My husband is a sweet man (a Mr. Steady) not given to too many extremes. However he enjoys watching action films and playing video games that, at different points, I thought were rather carnal or sinful. Then again, who am I to judge? I cannot watch most of those, though we used to enjoy a TV series together.

    Recently I learned that men recover from stress by doing testostrone-stimulating activities (while women need oxytocin-stimulating moments). It has totally changed my perspective on his needs!

    When he has a particularly stressful day at work, I give him a big hug and smile when he walks in, try to hand him a nice drink and ask him to take time to watch a show while I make dinner for him. (He always wears earbuds - our agreement.) I am delighted by the husband who comes to the dinner table and who then lovingly dotes on me all evening! It's a refreshing change to the stressed-out, tired and grumpy man I used to know.

  28. My husband is a sweet man (a Mr. Steady) not given to too many extremes. However he enjoys watching action films and playing video games that, at different points, I thought were rather carnal or sinful. Then again, who am I to judge? I cannot watch most of those, though we used to enjoy a TV series together.

    Recently I learned that men recover from stress by doing testostrone-stimulating activities (while women need oxytocin-stimulating moments). It has totally changed my perspective on his needs!

    When he has a particularly stressful day at work, I give him a big hug and smile when he walks in, try to hand him a nice drink and ask him to take time to watch a show while I make dinner for him. (He always wears earbuds - our agreement.) I am delighted by the husband who comes to the dinner table and who then lovingly dotes on me all evening! It's a refreshing change to the stressed-out, tired and grumpy man I used to know.

  29. AMEN AMEN and AMEN!!!!! Ilove this article and wept as Iread it.Ican't tell you how many time an article in this magazine has been exactilly what Iam dealing with.God uses the words to speak practical life words to me.well we are full swing into hunting season inSD,so it doesn't happen to be frozen rabbits but it is frozen phesants =)Ihave been living by the motto "be careful what you wish for"Growing up in a home with lots of hunting Ialways hoped to merry someone who liked it too.Lets just say that part definitly came true.But it does tend to go into the obsession catigory.Itoo enjoy the outdoors ,cleaning fish and trying to make wild game tastey.But have really been struggling with knowing how to react to this. Iso appreciate your comment about not wanting to turn him into a woman,as that seems to be the trend these days. I am actually overjoyed with peace as God has reassured me today of my place in this matter.There is one thing God has shown me to help, that has been to reach out to other ladies who might need encouragement.Some of there husbands are working weekends or hunting too,or maybe they are single moms.But this ends up blessing me.So that would be my challenge to everyone ,look around for someone to bless.Ilook forward to reading everyones ideas!As always thank you MissDebbie,and family for this magazine and ministry!God talks to me through it and Ilove you in the Lord.prayer and blessings,monica

  30. AMEN AMEN and AMEN!!!!! Ilove this article and wept as Iread it.Ican't tell you how many time an article in this magazine has been exactilly what Iam dealing with.God uses the words to speak practical life words to me.well we are full swing into hunting season inSD,so it doesn't happen to be frozen rabbits but it is frozen phesants =)Ihave been living by the motto "be careful what you wish for"Growing up in a home with lots of hunting Ialways hoped to merry someone who liked it too.Lets just say that part definitly came true.But it does tend to go into the obsession catigory.Itoo enjoy the outdoors ,cleaning fish and trying to make wild game tastey.But have really been struggling with knowing how to react to this. Iso appreciate your comment about not wanting to turn him into a woman,as that seems to be the trend these days. I am actually overjoyed with peace as God has reassured me today of my place in this matter.There is one thing God has shown me to help, that has been to reach out to other ladies who might need encouragement.Some of there husbands are working weekends or hunting too,or maybe they are single moms.But this ends up blessing me.So that would be my challenge to everyone ,look around for someone to bless.Ilook forward to reading everyones ideas!As always thank you MissDebbie,and family for this magazine and ministry!God talks to me through it and Ilove you in the Lord.prayer and blessings,monica

  31. While reading this article I couldn't help but laugh! I love it! When my husband and I were in our first year of marriage he decided to "surprise" me with a brand new road bike. My first question was, "how much did you spend?" At the time I was 19, working two jobs, he 22 working full time, and in school full time. A new bike wasn't exactly in the budget. My husband loves riding. He spends hours and hours exploring with and obsessing over his bikes. He could talk about bikes all day. Really. At first I was so angry about the money spent, we had been working so hard to get some savings in the bank and he didn't even try to discuss this large purchase with me (I was still reading through Created to be His Help Meet;). After some pouting..... and tears, I became determined to be his best buddy on the bike. On our days off we would ride for miles and miles, just talking and learning about each other. It was a challenge for me at first, but after a while I really started to love cycling. I also learned that my husband loves watching me succeed! He was SO excited when I started mountain biking with him. I have a lot to learn. We are still in the early part of our marriage and most of the time I feel like I'm fumbling my way through it, but one thing I do know is there is no one else on earth my husband would rather spend a day on the bike with than me. I am so thankful for this man, obsessions and all.

  32. While reading this article I couldn't help but laugh! I love it! When my husband and I were in our first year of marriage he decided to "surprise" me with a brand new road bike. My first question was, "how much did you spend?" At the time I was 19, working two jobs, he 22 working full time, and in school full time. A new bike wasn't exactly in the budget. My husband loves riding. He spends hours and hours exploring with and obsessing over his bikes. He could talk about bikes all day. Really. At first I was so angry about the money spent, we had been working so hard to get some savings in the bank and he didn't even try to discuss this large purchase with me (I was still reading through Created to be His Help Meet;). After some pouting..... and tears, I became determined to be his best buddy on the bike. On our days off we would ride for miles and miles, just talking and learning about each other. It was a challenge for me at first, but after a while I really started to love cycling. I also learned that my husband loves watching me succeed! He was SO excited when I started mountain biking with him. I have a lot to learn. We are still in the early part of our marriage and most of the time I feel like I'm fumbling my way through it, but one thing I do know is there is no one else on earth my husband would rather spend a day on the bike with than me. I am so thankful for this man, obsessions and all.

  33. My husbands "obsessions" are similar to the rabbits....he likes to hunt and trap. In our younger years I used to hate it when he did anything outside the house that didn't involve me or the kids. Well, by the time I got done throwing my fits about such things, he would be off doing something else....who wants to stay home with an angry, jealous wife? So first thing first, make his home the most wonderful place to be! My husband LOVES to be home!
    I have always been obsessed with my obsessed husband so I didn't mind hanging out with him wherever he was, whatever he was doing..Over the years there has been many moments when this is impossible. Between babies, teaching, cooking, cleaning...I just had to get over wanting him with me every second! He is a Mr. Steady, so he appreciates me functioning well on my own. I love to study and learn, so that is what I do in my spare time and right along with my kids.

    So, back to my husbands obsessions....he loves to sniff new lures, the stinkier the better! Things like coyote urine and this stuff called, critter vittles....YUCK! Well I have yet to learn to smile through smelling that stuff, but I can help him skin his animals and now instead of calling his friends I can do the "gutting". My next thing to master is tanning hides!
    I got through the lonely times by drawing closer to my savior! At first I started to go to him with all my tears and complaints, but then I learned to love him more and more and now I go to him with my heart....I spend time with God and let him be my husband. and just as an added bonus....God doesn't have any weird obsessions!! (except maybe me)

  34. My husbands "obsessions" are similar to the rabbits....he likes to hunt and trap. In our younger years I used to hate it when he did anything outside the house that didn't involve me or the kids. Well, by the time I got done throwing my fits about such things, he would be off doing something else....who wants to stay home with an angry, jealous wife? So first thing first, make his home the most wonderful place to be! My husband LOVES to be home!
    I have always been obsessed with my obsessed husband so I didn't mind hanging out with him wherever he was, whatever he was doing..Over the years there has been many moments when this is impossible. Between babies, teaching, cooking, cleaning...I just had to get over wanting him with me every second! He is a Mr. Steady, so he appreciates me functioning well on my own. I love to study and learn, so that is what I do in my spare time and right along with my kids.

    So, back to my husbands obsessions....he loves to sniff new lures, the stinkier the better! Things like coyote urine and this stuff called, critter vittles....YUCK! Well I have yet to learn to smile through smelling that stuff, but I can help him skin his animals and now instead of calling his friends I can do the "gutting". My next thing to master is tanning hides!
    I got through the lonely times by drawing closer to my savior! At first I started to go to him with all my tears and complaints, but then I learned to love him more and more and now I go to him with my heart....I spend time with God and let him be my husband. and just as an added bonus....God doesn't have any weird obsessions!! (except maybe me)

  35. (I can't figure out how to post this on the preparing site so I'm adding it here.)

    What a good insight! I can definitely see an obsession trend across the board now that you mention it. This suggestion probably won't work for every obsession or couple but I just try to "go with it" when my husband gets tunnel vision about something. When he tried to start a business, I helped him where I could and tried to ask questions or offer suggestions to help him. Rather than insist we might be a little in over our heads (we were!), I did mention it once, but then often said (and meant) that, although I have no idea what to do and some things I

  36. (I can't figure out how to post this on the preparing site so I'm adding it here.)

    What a good insight! I can definitely see an obsession trend across the board now that you mention it. This suggestion probably won't work for every obsession or couple but I just try to "go with it" when my husband gets tunnel vision about something. When he tried to start a business, I helped him where I could and tried to ask questions or offer suggestions to help him. Rather than insist we might be a little in over our heads (we were!), I did mention it once, but then often said (and meant) that, although I have no idea what to do and some things I

  37. My husband is a Mr. Steady. In your book it seems as the wife has to "do it all" so to speak. That is to keep him happy. I do feel this way. My husband goes to work, comes home and sits in front of a computer or TV.
    I really am tired of doing it "all". I just ask him to get behind me by asking the boys if they had their work done and making them do it while giving extra if they didn't. Hoping this would get them to then finish during the day. Nope. I once asked if he could just grade the Math of the 5 children I was homeschooling at the time and he said yes, .... he did it 2 days. When my second child moved out he said it was all my fault because of when I allowed her to wear makeup or what clothing I allowed her to wear.
    I really don't know what to do. I think he is a good man. I think he has a kind heart. I think he is lazy and puts things off a lot and he doesn't have drive. If I don't get up and push to go to church we don't go. Yes, he is saved. Yes, he does love the Lord. I can't figure him out! He is very much a loner. He wants to leave it all to me except for the "every once in a while" times he yells about his displeasure. It's like he is fine if you don't bother him with it.

    What do you do about that? I guess his obession would be computer/TV?? Doing nothing??
    Now he isn't feeling well and it is even worse. Use to he at least fixed what was broken. Any ideas??
    I would be happy to encourage him in ways (tried this)or something????? We aren't talking divorce or nothing like that. I just wish we were closer/happier.

  38. My husband is a Mr. Steady. In your book it seems as the wife has to "do it all" so to speak. That is to keep him happy. I do feel this way. My husband goes to work, comes home and sits in front of a computer or TV.
    I really am tired of doing it "all". I just ask him to get behind me by asking the boys if they had their work done and making them do it while giving extra if they didn't. Hoping this would get them to then finish during the day. Nope. I once asked if he could just grade the Math of the 5 children I was homeschooling at the time and he said yes, .... he did it 2 days. When my second child moved out he said it was all my fault because of when I allowed her to wear makeup or what clothing I allowed her to wear.
    I really don't know what to do. I think he is a good man. I think he has a kind heart. I think he is lazy and puts things off a lot and he doesn't have drive. If I don't get up and push to go to church we don't go. Yes, he is saved. Yes, he does love the Lord. I can't figure him out! He is very much a loner. He wants to leave it all to me except for the "every once in a while" times he yells about his displeasure. It's like he is fine if you don't bother him with it.

    What do you do about that? I guess his obession would be computer/TV?? Doing nothing??
    Now he isn't feeling well and it is even worse. Use to he at least fixed what was broken. Any ideas??
    I would be happy to encourage him in ways (tried this)or something????? We aren't talking divorce or nothing like that. I just wish we were closer/happier.

  39. Hi, Debi!

    I've bought and read both of your "help meet" books, absolutely loving them and so thankful for them. They're causing me to be a more cheerful, industrious help meet.

    Well, when I read your new article in the magazine, I thought, "My husband's obsession is the work." He's a mortgage guy, has been for 21 years, since the first year of our marriage. God blesses Ed's hard work, and humility, honesty and desire to help people. It's a commission-only career, and that will sure motivate a person but I truly see the challenge mindset in Ed, as well. It's a race against himself, it seems, to do better all the time.

    What do I do? Personally, I love to learn, too, and the librarian has written me a sweet letter in the past as to my being one of their top users. My interests are nutrition, homemaking, and lately, herbs (love the Bulk Herb Store).

    I'm happy at home, so even though I need to wait for him to return and share dinner at 6:30 or later, I'm content. I learn, and enjoy cooking. No TV, but we see movies together at night.

    God bless,
    Gina

  40. Hi, Debi!

    I've bought and read both of your "help meet" books, absolutely loving them and so thankful for them. They're causing me to be a more cheerful, industrious help meet.

    Well, when I read your new article in the magazine, I thought, "My husband's obsession is the work." He's a mortgage guy, has been for 21 years, since the first year of our marriage. God blesses Ed's hard work, and humility, honesty and desire to help people. It's a commission-only career, and that will sure motivate a person but I truly see the challenge mindset in Ed, as well. It's a race against himself, it seems, to do better all the time.

    What do I do? Personally, I love to learn, too, and the librarian has written me a sweet letter in the past as to my being one of their top users. My interests are nutrition, homemaking, and lately, herbs (love the Bulk Herb Store).

    I'm happy at home, so even though I need to wait for him to return and share dinner at 6:30 or later, I'm content. I learn, and enjoy cooking. No TV, but we see movies together at night.

    God bless,
    Gina

  41. I'm still trying to find the solution to this problem in my marriage right now. My husband gets obsessed with video games and will completely ignore the world (and myself) so that he can play them. If he gets engrossed, he may stay up all night long at his computer playing the game, then go to work exhausted, and complain about how tired he is for the rest of the day and for a few days afterward. As a woman, that kind of behavior makes NO sense to me, but it apparently DOES make sense to men. What I do understand about it is that he is looking for something to conquer. I listen when he tells me all about the "cool" features of the game or how "awesome" his game-playing skills are. I even congratulate him when he wins or gets to some high level. I don't, however, agree with Debbi's solution. I think that making a separate life for yourself (since he is living his own separate life) and having separate goals is damaging. I tried it and it just made our marriage stink. No, I don't have a solution, but I don't think that just dealing with it and busying yourself with your own hobbies (even more separation) is the answer. Maybe it works for some, but it definitely didn't work for us. Right now, I am just trying to hold on to the few moments of "us" time that he affords between his work and his play. Sadly, yes, I have gotten upset and even cried a few times...but I know that I was in the wrong for doing that (crying just isn't fair to guys).
    Maybe this is something that dads need to teach their sons as they grow up. Maybe it is something men just need to learn to control as they read the Scriptures and grow spiritually (I know there are LOTS of areas in which I need to grow which are "womanly" areas of spiritual weakness). I don't begrudge men of their hobbies and desire to conquer, but I don't believe it is right for them to let their obsessions drive such a huge wedge between them and their families.

  42. I'm still trying to find the solution to this problem in my marriage right now. My husband gets obsessed with video games and will completely ignore the world (and myself) so that he can play them. If he gets engrossed, he may stay up all night long at his computer playing the game, then go to work exhausted, and complain about how tired he is for the rest of the day and for a few days afterward. As a woman, that kind of behavior makes NO sense to me, but it apparently DOES make sense to men. What I do understand about it is that he is looking for something to conquer. I listen when he tells me all about the "cool" features of the game or how "awesome" his game-playing skills are. I even congratulate him when he wins or gets to some high level. I don't, however, agree with Debbi's solution. I think that making a separate life for yourself (since he is living his own separate life) and having separate goals is damaging. I tried it and it just made our marriage stink. No, I don't have a solution, but I don't think that just dealing with it and busying yourself with your own hobbies (even more separation) is the answer. Maybe it works for some, but it definitely didn't work for us. Right now, I am just trying to hold on to the few moments of "us" time that he affords between his work and his play. Sadly, yes, I have gotten upset and even cried a few times...but I know that I was in the wrong for doing that (crying just isn't fair to guys).
    Maybe this is something that dads need to teach their sons as they grow up. Maybe it is something men just need to learn to control as they read the Scriptures and grow spiritually (I know there are LOTS of areas in which I need to grow which are "womanly" areas of spiritual weakness). I don't begrudge men of their hobbies and desire to conquer, but I don't believe it is right for them to let their obsessions drive such a huge wedge between them and their families.

  43. I am a wife of 7 years and have NOT figured it all out. But I have learned a lot from Created, and have a changed outlook on my marriage. My very obsessed man has a special place in his heart for video games. Not all games, just one. It's a war game, and I think it lends itself to the part of him that wanted to be in the military. As he advances, he moves up in rank. I could go on. Anyhow, he has always been obsessed with this type of gaming. He's an athletic fellow, musically talented, & a visionary for sure. But instead of hunting for real game, he hunts for the bad guys on the video game. I can recall countless arguments, shed tears and hurt feelings over his obsession. One upper for me was that his obsession could be far worse, but it still was something distracting him from time spent with me, and now from me and our 3 children. That part is still kind of sad for me, but it's a "back of the mind" sadness - it no longer lives in the forefront of my mind. Do you know why? Because I now play with him. I can't say it's my favorite thing to do. I'm a crocheting, baking, scrapbooking kind of gal. I would never in a million years pick up a gaming controller on my own accord. But if that's what it takes to spend time with my favorite person and enjoy his obsession instead of hating it, then sign me up! You should see the look on his face when I say "Pass me a controller, I'm in for this round." He lights up! What's better than that? After lots of arguments, you can imagine his surprise at hearing that I actually wanted to play with him. A little bonus to this is that playing the game has made me understand all of the strange lingo and crazy scenarios he describes to me - how he was "cheated out of a good score" or how he "really did well that time." So when he wants to recount it all to me, I am not completely lost.
    I find that it's most important to me to claim our friendship and companionship before crushing him over his fun time. If I can give in and just play the game as opposed to nagging him about it, our marriage is happier, he's more interested in giving me some of his time doing things I like to do in addition to his video games, and I am less prone to be bitter about a lack of time spent together - because we HAVE spent time together.... fighting the bad guys. 🙂

  44. I am a wife of 7 years and have NOT figured it all out. But I have learned a lot from Created, and have a changed outlook on my marriage. My very obsessed man has a special place in his heart for video games. Not all games, just one. It's a war game, and I think it lends itself to the part of him that wanted to be in the military. As he advances, he moves up in rank. I could go on. Anyhow, he has always been obsessed with this type of gaming. He's an athletic fellow, musically talented, & a visionary for sure. But instead of hunting for real game, he hunts for the bad guys on the video game. I can recall countless arguments, shed tears and hurt feelings over his obsession. One upper for me was that his obsession could be far worse, but it still was something distracting him from time spent with me, and now from me and our 3 children. That part is still kind of sad for me, but it's a "back of the mind" sadness - it no longer lives in the forefront of my mind. Do you know why? Because I now play with him. I can't say it's my favorite thing to do. I'm a crocheting, baking, scrapbooking kind of gal. I would never in a million years pick up a gaming controller on my own accord. But if that's what it takes to spend time with my favorite person and enjoy his obsession instead of hating it, then sign me up! You should see the look on his face when I say "Pass me a controller, I'm in for this round." He lights up! What's better than that? After lots of arguments, you can imagine his surprise at hearing that I actually wanted to play with him. A little bonus to this is that playing the game has made me understand all of the strange lingo and crazy scenarios he describes to me - how he was "cheated out of a good score" or how he "really did well that time." So when he wants to recount it all to me, I am not completely lost.
    I find that it's most important to me to claim our friendship and companionship before crushing him over his fun time. If I can give in and just play the game as opposed to nagging him about it, our marriage is happier, he's more interested in giving me some of his time doing things I like to do in addition to his video games, and I am less prone to be bitter about a lack of time spent together - because we HAVE spent time together.... fighting the bad guys. 🙂

  45. While he does his thing, I pamper myself with spa treatments. I feel refreshed and happy and when he comes home, we share our stories. I think he wants to have some of what I have, because when he comes home he wants a mini spa session. It's some neat time to share together. I'll give him a massage while he reads the Bible. I also like to study. I study and create things all of the time. I am happy with the time I have by myself. It took me a while, but I know if he was around to watch me make a mess it would stress him out and then I wouldn't be able to do what I want the way I want when he is around. When he gets home my messes are cleaned up and I don't have to hear him grumble behind me if he were home. He's happy, I'm happy. If I get lonely for him, I just simply ask if we could do something together. And yes, I have kids. They like making messes with me. And when they nap, that is when I start my spa session.

  46. While he does his thing, I pamper myself with spa treatments. I feel refreshed and happy and when he comes home, we share our stories. I think he wants to have some of what I have, because when he comes home he wants a mini spa session. It's some neat time to share together. I'll give him a massage while he reads the Bible. I also like to study. I study and create things all of the time. I am happy with the time I have by myself. It took me a while, but I know if he was around to watch me make a mess it would stress him out and then I wouldn't be able to do what I want the way I want when he is around. When he gets home my messes are cleaned up and I don't have to hear him grumble behind me if he were home. He's happy, I'm happy. If I get lonely for him, I just simply ask if we could do something together. And yes, I have kids. They like making messes with me. And when they nap, that is when I start my spa session.

  47. I think you don't have to be married to have to put up with "obsessions"! I have the world's best daddy and he loves to listen to football games... not my favorite by any means. 🙂 He can't seem to understand why we aren't so overlly excited about it too. I remmember once he came in from hunting (another one!) and asked why in the world we didn't have the radio playing while we were cooking supper! My sister and I couldn't help but laugh! even though it is somtimes a headache, I am prepareing, to some day have the same"problem" with my husband. 🙂 I am learning. in the meantime, Go Saints! Ha ha Thanks Ms.Debi

  48. I think you don't have to be married to have to put up with "obsessions"! I have the world's best daddy and he loves to listen to football games... not my favorite by any means. 🙂 He can't seem to understand why we aren't so overlly excited about it too. I remmember once he came in from hunting (another one!) and asked why in the world we didn't have the radio playing while we were cooking supper! My sister and I couldn't help but laugh! even though it is somtimes a headache, I am prepareing, to some day have the same"problem" with my husband. 🙂 I am learning. in the meantime, Go Saints! Ha ha Thanks Ms.Debi

  49. I am going to be married to a wonderful and Godly man in two months and this article is very eye opening to me because my betrothed is exactly the obsessive type.
    He is very attentive to me and cares very much for my feelings and this tends to spoil me. So when one of his obsessions arises, I am somewhat jealous of them. It's not a huge problem but it's a little irk that this article has helped sooth. Thank you

  50. I am going to be married to a wonderful and Godly man in two months and this article is very eye opening to me because my betrothed is exactly the obsessive type.
    He is very attentive to me and cares very much for my feelings and this tends to spoil me. So when one of his obsessions arises, I am somewhat jealous of them. It's not a huge problem but it's a little irk that this article has helped sooth. Thank you

  51. My husbands obsessions are hunting,fishingand searching craigslist for airboats and old trucks.I used to get irritated but the payoff was never desirable.I enrolled in college classes (my kids are older teens now)and I will be starting a later life career to fill my time.The extra money he spends on his obsessions is usually equal to what I spend doing things to beautify our home or do something fun with our kids.I do not have any animosity at all about his obsessions,after all I have my own!I also enjoy catching up on relationships while he is hunting for the weekend. I visit with my mom, my sister,or my best friend. The nice part is I don't feel rushed because he is not home, it is a time that I can relax a little. The kids and I are much easier to please at meal time as well!

  52. My husbands obsessions are hunting,fishingand searching craigslist for airboats and old trucks.I used to get irritated but the payoff was never desirable.I enrolled in college classes (my kids are older teens now)and I will be starting a later life career to fill my time.The extra money he spends on his obsessions is usually equal to what I spend doing things to beautify our home or do something fun with our kids.I do not have any animosity at all about his obsessions,after all I have my own!I also enjoy catching up on relationships while he is hunting for the weekend. I visit with my mom, my sister,or my best friend. The nice part is I don't feel rushed because he is not home, it is a time that I can relax a little. The kids and I are much easier to please at meal time as well!

  53. I have some advice for -C-, but it's really just the same kind of thing the Pearls have said in other articles. Seduce your husband away from his games. Make yourself lovely to him with whatever he likes, and then, when he's at a stopping place in his game, walk over to him and whisper something in his ear. Something about what you'll be waiting to enjoy with him when he puts his controller down. Make sure the bedroom is romantic, and wait for him.
    If you fall asleep, then when he finally comes to bed he will see what he missed. Don't say anything negative, but when you wake up, wake HIM up with a loving kiss and caress and say something like "I'm sorry I fell asleep. I'll be looking foward to tonight." Make sure you say it the right way. Not nagging or regretful, emphasize tonight with your bedroom voice. Tell him what you're looking forward to doing in detail. He'll come around eventually. Until he does, pray for God's help in winning your husband. Pray for wisdom and loveliness. God rejoices when wives want to please their husbands and gives us what we need.
    As far as my own husband: he likes war games that you play with little army men on a mat. It's a more complicated (and expensive) version of the army men games boys play, but he really enjoys it. I resented it. Sometimes I still do, but what I have done is learn to help him. I don't enjoy playing the game, but I enjoy painting and sculpting, so I decided I would participate somehow. I started learning to paint the little metal men and horses and chariots and all. I learned how to sculpt the foam they use for mountains and hills and to make the little plastic trees and so on. I found I really enjoyed it, and was able to turn it into a side business. Apparently, a lot of these men don't like painting their models and I turned to be pretty good at painting.
    The important thing is to remember all the good things about your husband, remember that he's a man and he's going to act this way, and be grateful that you HAVE a husband and a family.

  54. I have some advice for -C-, but it's really just the same kind of thing the Pearls have said in other articles. Seduce your husband away from his games. Make yourself lovely to him with whatever he likes, and then, when he's at a stopping place in his game, walk over to him and whisper something in his ear. Something about what you'll be waiting to enjoy with him when he puts his controller down. Make sure the bedroom is romantic, and wait for him.
    If you fall asleep, then when he finally comes to bed he will see what he missed. Don't say anything negative, but when you wake up, wake HIM up with a loving kiss and caress and say something like "I'm sorry I fell asleep. I'll be looking foward to tonight." Make sure you say it the right way. Not nagging or regretful, emphasize tonight with your bedroom voice. Tell him what you're looking forward to doing in detail. He'll come around eventually. Until he does, pray for God's help in winning your husband. Pray for wisdom and loveliness. God rejoices when wives want to please their husbands and gives us what we need.
    As far as my own husband: he likes war games that you play with little army men on a mat. It's a more complicated (and expensive) version of the army men games boys play, but he really enjoys it. I resented it. Sometimes I still do, but what I have done is learn to help him. I don't enjoy playing the game, but I enjoy painting and sculpting, so I decided I would participate somehow. I started learning to paint the little metal men and horses and chariots and all. I learned how to sculpt the foam they use for mountains and hills and to make the little plastic trees and so on. I found I really enjoyed it, and was able to turn it into a side business. Apparently, a lot of these men don't like painting their models and I turned to be pretty good at painting.
    The important thing is to remember all the good things about your husband, remember that he's a man and he's going to act this way, and be grateful that you HAVE a husband and a family.

  55. My husband is a normal man, to say obessed is over the top, this occurance is not only found in the male gender in my experience.I know several woman that are distracted by there own hobbies and it does seem selfish. Thankfully my man is willing to share in our relationship,if I feel hurt by his habbits I am honest with him, and he with me aswell.There has to be comunication in marriage, or the pain that one spouse may feel will build up and then blow up...and that can be dangerous.I love that my husband has interest in Sports, work, and even silly Xbox.After his long day at work he is more than welcome to come home to his house and relax.It can be hard for me as a wife if I let myself play a pitty party and loose focus of reality. Your husband is not trying to avoid you, or ignore you by doing things he loves.Just as you are not trying to hurt or ignore your husband while you read that article!Marriage is sacrifice at times.And if your love tank is starting to get low...please let your husband know...in a meek and generous way, because he wont see it on his own.The worst thing you can do is get mad at your man for wanting to do these things, it will only turn him away and make him push you away in return.Partake in his hobbies and he will be interested in yours aswell...though you might not understand them or like them..endure them for the sake of his happiness.Because his happiness should be yours too.What better way to find joy in your marriage than through the joy of your spouse.
    I'm thankful for my wonderful husband.

  56. My husband is a normal man, to say obessed is over the top, this occurance is not only found in the male gender in my experience.I know several woman that are distracted by there own hobbies and it does seem selfish. Thankfully my man is willing to share in our relationship,if I feel hurt by his habbits I am honest with him, and he with me aswell.There has to be comunication in marriage, or the pain that one spouse may feel will build up and then blow up...and that can be dangerous.I love that my husband has interest in Sports, work, and even silly Xbox.After his long day at work he is more than welcome to come home to his house and relax.It can be hard for me as a wife if I let myself play a pitty party and loose focus of reality. Your husband is not trying to avoid you, or ignore you by doing things he loves.Just as you are not trying to hurt or ignore your husband while you read that article!Marriage is sacrifice at times.And if your love tank is starting to get low...please let your husband know...in a meek and generous way, because he wont see it on his own.The worst thing you can do is get mad at your man for wanting to do these things, it will only turn him away and make him push you away in return.Partake in his hobbies and he will be interested in yours aswell...though you might not understand them or like them..endure them for the sake of his happiness.Because his happiness should be yours too.What better way to find joy in your marriage than through the joy of your spouse.
    I'm thankful for my wonderful husband.

  57. When our kids were really young, my husband was obsessed with riding dirt bikes. Although he had done this often as a child, he hadn't owned a motorcycle for years. He talked about it ALL THE TIME and so I told him I thought he should get a bike and start riding. You should have seen the look on his face! He has always been such a strong, godly leader/decision maker in our home, but I think he felt guilty about purchasing something like that. I had decided that it would be fun to watch him do something he loved so much. This had to be a conscious decision as I knew it would take away family time and with a very busy job, he wasn't home much already. I just decided the kids and I would be a part of it too so we would sometimes go to the track to cheer him on. It ended up being such a neat thing as it became a time when he would invite other young men to ride with him and use the time to share Jesus with them. I guess what really worked for me was deciding to enjoy his obsession too!

  58. When our kids were really young, my husband was obsessed with riding dirt bikes. Although he had done this often as a child, he hadn't owned a motorcycle for years. He talked about it ALL THE TIME and so I told him I thought he should get a bike and start riding. You should have seen the look on his face! He has always been such a strong, godly leader/decision maker in our home, but I think he felt guilty about purchasing something like that. I had decided that it would be fun to watch him do something he loved so much. This had to be a conscious decision as I knew it would take away family time and with a very busy job, he wasn't home much already. I just decided the kids and I would be a part of it too so we would sometimes go to the track to cheer him on. It ended up being such a neat thing as it became a time when he would invite other young men to ride with him and use the time to share Jesus with them. I guess what really worked for me was deciding to enjoy his obsession too!

  59. I am really encouraged to see such positive replies to the Obsessions article. I thought we would be dealing with some angry ladies but instead we are hearing from ladies who found answers in how to relate to their men. For you single girls this is a very good opportunity to learn from those who have gone before.
    - Debi

  60. I am really encouraged to see such positive replies to the Obsessions article. I thought we would be dealing with some angry ladies but instead we are hearing from ladies who found answers in how to relate to their men. For you single girls this is a very good opportunity to learn from those who have gone before.
    - Debi

  61. Hello Deb,
    This article really got me thinking...
    My husband is a Visionary and is always up to something. I either join him, if I can. I have four kids and 3 are 4 and under 🙂 When I can't join him or help him directly, I do all the chores I can so he doesn't have to worry about them. Then can spend his "non-obsessed" time with me and the kids, just livin'.

  62. Hello Deb,
    This article really got me thinking...
    My husband is a Visionary and is always up to something. I either join him, if I can. I have four kids and 3 are 4 and under 🙂 When I can't join him or help him directly, I do all the chores I can so he doesn't have to worry about them. Then can spend his "non-obsessed" time with me and the kids, just livin'.

  63. When My husband and I were first married he loved to golf. At one point he would be gone for four hours almost every Sat. I would take the time to do any chores that I had not gotten to during the week while looking after little kids. I did not mind too much because he always came back tired, but less stressed. He would have a happier attitude after a stressful week at work.

    After he hurt his neck and shoulder, he could not play golf and so will come home from work and watch TV (sports, documentaries, news, favorite series) after dinner to unwind. This is OK too because I make sure that my chores are done during the day (now that the kids are older and can help) so that I can join my husband on the sofa to watch TV with our kids. During football season I often bring my knitting or a book to the sofa, since I am not a big football fan. My husband is happy because he has my company in the evenings and he has his unwinding time. The kids are happy that they get to spend time with him talking about what we are watching and sometimes he gives up the TV for a game of backgammon with the each of the kids.

    Do I wish that we would spend less time in front of the TV? Yes, but it is more important to me that he desires to be home with us. The weekends are now our time to get out and do things and see people as a family.

  64. When My husband and I were first married he loved to golf. At one point he would be gone for four hours almost every Sat. I would take the time to do any chores that I had not gotten to during the week while looking after little kids. I did not mind too much because he always came back tired, but less stressed. He would have a happier attitude after a stressful week at work.

    After he hurt his neck and shoulder, he could not play golf and so will come home from work and watch TV (sports, documentaries, news, favorite series) after dinner to unwind. This is OK too because I make sure that my chores are done during the day (now that the kids are older and can help) so that I can join my husband on the sofa to watch TV with our kids. During football season I often bring my knitting or a book to the sofa, since I am not a big football fan. My husband is happy because he has my company in the evenings and he has his unwinding time. The kids are happy that they get to spend time with him talking about what we are watching and sometimes he gives up the TV for a game of backgammon with the each of the kids.

    Do I wish that we would spend less time in front of the TV? Yes, but it is more important to me that he desires to be home with us. The weekends are now our time to get out and do things and see people as a family.

  65. My fiance is obsessed with video games. We're a young couple (not even 30 yet). I work while he stays home w/ our small kids (1 & 5) but he doesn't play games until I get home from work. At first it bothered me a lot but I sat him down and kindly explained to him how I felt. I also listened to his side of the issue & found out exactly why he enjoyed playing video games so much. He doesn't play as much as he used to & when I call him he answers quickly. But I do make it a point to be interested in his games & even ask to play some of my own. I think communication is key & it really helped us to understand what each other needed. Talking to your spouse calmly & clearly stating how their behavior is affecting you is important. Equally important is knowing that you have faults of your own and if you say you will work on you, you must follow through. Nevertheless I do take the time that he plays video games to read Debi Pearl, enjoy time with kids and/or pray and meditate on God's word. There's always something to do when you're a mother 🙂 So my advice would be to talk to your spouse. Have a sincere conversation where you ask questions rather than demand results. You may be surprised at what you find.

  66. My fiance is obsessed with video games. We're a young couple (not even 30 yet). I work while he stays home w/ our small kids (1 & 5) but he doesn't play games until I get home from work. At first it bothered me a lot but I sat him down and kindly explained to him how I felt. I also listened to his side of the issue & found out exactly why he enjoyed playing video games so much. He doesn't play as much as he used to & when I call him he answers quickly. But I do make it a point to be interested in his games & even ask to play some of my own. I think communication is key & it really helped us to understand what each other needed. Talking to your spouse calmly & clearly stating how their behavior is affecting you is important. Equally important is knowing that you have faults of your own and if you say you will work on you, you must follow through. Nevertheless I do take the time that he plays video games to read Debi Pearl, enjoy time with kids and/or pray and meditate on God's word. There's always something to do when you're a mother 🙂 So my advice would be to talk to your spouse. Have a sincere conversation where you ask questions rather than demand results. You may be surprised at what you find.

  67. My husband can become obsessed with extreme outdoor sports. The first time he went snowboarding he was hooked, and since then we have moved from the place where we grew up in the south to an area where snow sports and rock climbing are accessible. I'm not at all a "sports" girl. I'm not very coordinated, but I knew if I didn't at least try to learn to ski, I was going to be left at home a lot. So with much prayer and supplication, I would ride up the chair lift, all the while praying in my head that God would help me make it down in one piece. I remember riding up my first chair lift, being so nervous I felt sick and then looking over at my adventurous husband who was grinning ear to ear! Ugh! 🙂 But lo and behold, I finally did learn how to make it down the mountain on a pair of skis in one piece, and you know what! I actually love it now! I love the mountain views, the quietness with God as I'm skiing down, the exercise. My husband enjoys watching my skill level improve and knowing that he taught me how to do it. His obsession (or at least one of them) has turned into something we do together.

  68. My husband can become obsessed with extreme outdoor sports. The first time he went snowboarding he was hooked, and since then we have moved from the place where we grew up in the south to an area where snow sports and rock climbing are accessible. I'm not at all a "sports" girl. I'm not very coordinated, but I knew if I didn't at least try to learn to ski, I was going to be left at home a lot. So with much prayer and supplication, I would ride up the chair lift, all the while praying in my head that God would help me make it down in one piece. I remember riding up my first chair lift, being so nervous I felt sick and then looking over at my adventurous husband who was grinning ear to ear! Ugh! 🙂 But lo and behold, I finally did learn how to make it down the mountain on a pair of skis in one piece, and you know what! I actually love it now! I love the mountain views, the quietness with God as I'm skiing down, the exercise. My husband enjoys watching my skill level improve and knowing that he taught me how to do it. His obsession (or at least one of them) has turned into something we do together.

  69. I've been struggling with this lately. I'm so thankful to hear other ladies struggle too and have found ways to honor their husband. God has taught me so much about keeping my mouth shut and learning joy and serving - but sometimes I feel very lonely and sad when my husband is too busy for us to have time together. I try to keep reminding myself that I am HIS helpmeet and he is not mine - but it is hard not to take it personally and have hurt feelings when he says we will have a datenight "sometime" and then gets on the phone with a hunting buddy to talk about their plans. I feel like I stand at the end of a long line of obsessions hoping for a turn at his attention. Forgive me if this is whiny. God is teaching me so much. I'm just still struggling with feeling hurt or rejected when he is repeatedly too busy. Before we married he still found time to call or text or sit and talk. Now with marriage and children our talk is mostly "business" - his schedule, what he'd like for dinner, what needs to be done,etc. I guess his attention/time showed me that I was pleasing, pretty, useful to him. When he is obsessed I feel left out of his day and somehow that translates in my mind to feeling unimportant or not special. I hope more ladies share and welcome any testimony about how you gained confidence and strength in the Lord. I'm praying for God to show me where I need to change

  70. I've been struggling with this lately. I'm so thankful to hear other ladies struggle too and have found ways to honor their husband. God has taught me so much about keeping my mouth shut and learning joy and serving - but sometimes I feel very lonely and sad when my husband is too busy for us to have time together. I try to keep reminding myself that I am HIS helpmeet and he is not mine - but it is hard not to take it personally and have hurt feelings when he says we will have a datenight "sometime" and then gets on the phone with a hunting buddy to talk about their plans. I feel like I stand at the end of a long line of obsessions hoping for a turn at his attention. Forgive me if this is whiny. God is teaching me so much. I'm just still struggling with feeling hurt or rejected when he is repeatedly too busy. Before we married he still found time to call or text or sit and talk. Now with marriage and children our talk is mostly "business" - his schedule, what he'd like for dinner, what needs to be done,etc. I guess his attention/time showed me that I was pleasing, pretty, useful to him. When he is obsessed I feel left out of his day and somehow that translates in my mind to feeling unimportant or not special. I hope more ladies share and welcome any testimony about how you gained confidence and strength in the Lord. I'm praying for God to show me where I need to change

  71. I think it is kind of funny that women in more "developed countries" think on these things. We write all of these books on how to have a "fulfilling" marriage. Other families in other countries are just trying to survive. They work together as a family because they need to. Here we are into "self actualization" and "personal fulfillment". I am guilty of it myself. But when I think of things in light of eternity.... I am so thankful that my husband loves the Lord Jesus, has strong character, works hard to provide for our family, and is manly. Those are the things that attracted me to him. I don't want him to be a sissy and sit around the house all day. I say that now, but sometimes I pout when he is away a lot and I am having a hard week with the kids. I wish he did more to help and all that, but then the Lord shows me I am doing too much and I need to simplify my schedule and home. Simplify, simplify, simplify.

  72. I think it is kind of funny that women in more "developed countries" think on these things. We write all of these books on how to have a "fulfilling" marriage. Other families in other countries are just trying to survive. They work together as a family because they need to. Here we are into "self actualization" and "personal fulfillment". I am guilty of it myself. But when I think of things in light of eternity.... I am so thankful that my husband loves the Lord Jesus, has strong character, works hard to provide for our family, and is manly. Those are the things that attracted me to him. I don't want him to be a sissy and sit around the house all day. I say that now, but sometimes I pout when he is away a lot and I am having a hard week with the kids. I wish he did more to help and all that, but then the Lord shows me I am doing too much and I need to simplify my schedule and home. Simplify, simplify, simplify.

  73. I notice most of the comments are from married ladies. I would like all unmarried girls to also take note of this article, and Debi's excellent advice. What Mrs. Pearl says is so true! I am not married yet, but I have noted and observed mens' tendency to be obsessed with various hobbies and work, and have found from experience that the very best way to be happy, and have a healthy relationship with them, is to try and be interested and help as much as possible. I am sure it will save lots of tears and heartaches for me in the future when I am married!

  74. I notice most of the comments are from married ladies. I would like all unmarried girls to also take note of this article, and Debi's excellent advice. What Mrs. Pearl says is so true! I am not married yet, but I have noted and observed mens' tendency to be obsessed with various hobbies and work, and have found from experience that the very best way to be happy, and have a healthy relationship with them, is to try and be interested and help as much as possible. I am sure it will save lots of tears and heartaches for me in the future when I am married!

  75. Debi, Thank you for your article...you are a gifted writer and the Lord used this article to give me a much needed laugh. I have been recovering for the past week of a physical trial and sure needed a comic relief. I must comment that the Lord has a wonderful way of balancing our men out..if we don't get in His way. I have been married to my high school sweetheart for almost 16 years (and looking forward to many many more). Over the years the Lord and His Word has been a constant place to find refuge,wisdom, joy, patience, discretion, satisfaction, a friend when I am lonely and anything else I need at that moment. I want to encourage other women to simply seek out Jesus Christ as their number One love and He will take care of those problems in their man. Too often we concentrate on the problems in our men and neglect to fervently pray for them. What should we pray for? What should we do while we wait? We should pray that our husbands will experience God for themselves and a real relationship with Jesus Christ. We should pray that He will enjoy a daily, intimate walk with our Saviour. With this, our men will become balanced, bold and able to accomplish what the Lord desires him to. What should we do while we wait on the Lord? My husband would say, "Make love, make bread and walk around naked!" All I can say is "Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his face evermore." Time in His Word at every needed moment...time in prayer and then leave it there! Trust the Lord Jesus Christ to make your man more like Himself! 🙂 Thank you for taking the time to read this! 🙂

  76. Debi, Thank you for your article...you are a gifted writer and the Lord used this article to give me a much needed laugh. I have been recovering for the past week of a physical trial and sure needed a comic relief. I must comment that the Lord has a wonderful way of balancing our men out..if we don't get in His way. I have been married to my high school sweetheart for almost 16 years (and looking forward to many many more). Over the years the Lord and His Word has been a constant place to find refuge,wisdom, joy, patience, discretion, satisfaction, a friend when I am lonely and anything else I need at that moment. I want to encourage other women to simply seek out Jesus Christ as their number One love and He will take care of those problems in their man. Too often we concentrate on the problems in our men and neglect to fervently pray for them. What should we pray for? What should we do while we wait? We should pray that our husbands will experience God for themselves and a real relationship with Jesus Christ. We should pray that He will enjoy a daily, intimate walk with our Saviour. With this, our men will become balanced, bold and able to accomplish what the Lord desires him to. What should we do while we wait on the Lord? My husband would say, "Make love, make bread and walk around naked!" All I can say is "Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his face evermore." Time in His Word at every needed moment...time in prayer and then leave it there! Trust the Lord Jesus Christ to make your man more like Himself! 🙂 Thank you for taking the time to read this! 🙂

  77. I am a Blessed woman, as soon as our boys were big enough to take hiking, back packing and birdwatching (one and a half) He would take them with! Now they are almost all old enough (except our 10 month old) and when they go out, they all go out! Yeah! I miss my men but they get man time and I craft and bake enjoying my quiet time! Maybe getting the kiddos into whatever papa is into would help!!?? A crowd of fans asking papa all kinds of questions and being excited to join in sure makes my man proud!

  78. I am a Blessed woman, as soon as our boys were big enough to take hiking, back packing and birdwatching (one and a half) He would take them with! Now they are almost all old enough (except our 10 month old) and when they go out, they all go out! Yeah! I miss my men but they get man time and I craft and bake enjoying my quiet time! Maybe getting the kiddos into whatever papa is into would help!!?? A crowd of fans asking papa all kinds of questions and being excited to join in sure makes my man proud!

  79. Basketball... I've got a mostly steady, with a dose of command man for a husband. He coaches a homeschool basketball team that three of our sons are on. I love the fact that he is doing something that he enjoys and is actively involved with our sons... but I have had to be resigned to the reality that big portions of our once-a-week "date night" will be focused conversation on coaching, the last game, strategy, and relationships with the dads and young men. I am grateful that I do enjoy the sport, and love to cheer my guys on! But I don't always like to talk about it every single week during "our time". I also strongly encourage him to limit the amount of practices and games each week so we don't go crazy trying to keep things somewhat balanced at home. On the way to church last week, I blurted out (without thinking), "Let's see if we can get to church without talking about basketball today." As soon as it came out of my mouth I was struck with how rude I sounded. And it revealed my agitation that we would talk about BASKETBALL on the way to church, as if it were altogether unspiritual. (Especially when I know that everything we do is for the glory of God.) I know my husband feels he is fulfilling God's will by working with these young men and helping to teach them life lessons on the court (lots of testosterone). Lessons they will take with them off the court in real life one day. I am thankful for that. And he is faithful is so many areas that this is really a trifle issue. He is commited and responsible to help launch our homeschooling days and hold the children accountable for their weekly assignments (that I prepare), and he is a hard worker, and a man of his word. I have to be honest... I have passions and "obsessions" too. The Lord has checked me about not being overbearing to talk about the things that inspire me too often with a husband whose eyes do NOT light up with conversation of graphic design and interior decorating!! It goes both ways... I have to give him space and time to not have to TRY to be interested in things he really is not very interested in!! (Not nearly as much as I am!) I used to be offended that he showed meager attempts to be interested. Now I see better that he likley never will share a few of my own passions/interests, and that is okay. We have several children, so I don't really have time for a money-making pursuit, or to publish a book (which I would love to do some day). So for this season, I know I need to be as enthusiastic as I can be, enjoying my husbands passion WITH him as I am able. Ten years from now I want to look back and, Lord willing, have few (fewer) regrets!

  80. Basketball... I've got a mostly steady, with a dose of command man for a husband. He coaches a homeschool basketball team that three of our sons are on. I love the fact that he is doing something that he enjoys and is actively involved with our sons... but I have had to be resigned to the reality that big portions of our once-a-week "date night" will be focused conversation on coaching, the last game, strategy, and relationships with the dads and young men. I am grateful that I do enjoy the sport, and love to cheer my guys on! But I don't always like to talk about it every single week during "our time". I also strongly encourage him to limit the amount of practices and games each week so we don't go crazy trying to keep things somewhat balanced at home. On the way to church last week, I blurted out (without thinking), "Let's see if we can get to church without talking about basketball today." As soon as it came out of my mouth I was struck with how rude I sounded. And it revealed my agitation that we would talk about BASKETBALL on the way to church, as if it were altogether unspiritual. (Especially when I know that everything we do is for the glory of God.) I know my husband feels he is fulfilling God's will by working with these young men and helping to teach them life lessons on the court (lots of testosterone). Lessons they will take with them off the court in real life one day. I am thankful for that. And he is faithful is so many areas that this is really a trifle issue. He is commited and responsible to help launch our homeschooling days and hold the children accountable for their weekly assignments (that I prepare), and he is a hard worker, and a man of his word. I have to be honest... I have passions and "obsessions" too. The Lord has checked me about not being overbearing to talk about the things that inspire me too often with a husband whose eyes do NOT light up with conversation of graphic design and interior decorating!! It goes both ways... I have to give him space and time to not have to TRY to be interested in things he really is not very interested in!! (Not nearly as much as I am!) I used to be offended that he showed meager attempts to be interested. Now I see better that he likley never will share a few of my own passions/interests, and that is okay. We have several children, so I don't really have time for a money-making pursuit, or to publish a book (which I would love to do some day). So for this season, I know I need to be as enthusiastic as I can be, enjoying my husbands passion WITH him as I am able. Ten years from now I want to look back and, Lord willing, have few (fewer) regrets!

  81. Great article. This happened a couple of years ago to me. I enjoy cutting coupons and finding deals on the internet so by trial and error started a blog on coupons. I've learned a lot and had fun in the process! I do a lot of reviews and get to try out lots of 'free stuff' with my family that I would never buy otherwise. The only problem is at some point he decided to pay more attention to me and our family (not really a problem) and got jealous and didn't understand that I had something I enjoyed. So, I try as much as possible to do my couponing/blogging when he is occupied.

  82. Great article. This happened a couple of years ago to me. I enjoy cutting coupons and finding deals on the internet so by trial and error started a blog on coupons. I've learned a lot and had fun in the process! I do a lot of reviews and get to try out lots of 'free stuff' with my family that I would never buy otherwise. The only problem is at some point he decided to pay more attention to me and our family (not really a problem) and got jealous and didn't understand that I had something I enjoyed. So, I try as much as possible to do my couponing/blogging when he is occupied.

  83. Aloha!
    I had to LOL as I read the first paragraph of 'Obsessions' because I can totally relate! My husband and I are entering our 10th year together, and he is always completely engrossed in some thing. Whether it's studying a particular subject for hours and days on end, doing computer stuff for his job on his days off, or simply memorizing facts I find completely boring. I wish I could say I have been loving, supportive and non judgmental right from the beginning, but it

  84. Aloha!
    I had to LOL as I read the first paragraph of 'Obsessions' because I can totally relate! My husband and I are entering our 10th year together, and he is always completely engrossed in some thing. Whether it's studying a particular subject for hours and days on end, doing computer stuff for his job on his days off, or simply memorizing facts I find completely boring. I wish I could say I have been loving, supportive and non judgmental right from the beginning, but it

  85. Thank you for telling me this is normal! My husband has various obsessions... as you indicated they can change from time to time. After contention and strife on this issue, he's plainly told me not to bring it up, complain, or make him feel guilty about any of it. *Gulp* Instead, he wants to me sit there with him if possible, ie while he's working on a car or learning how to program a computer. This is extremely hard for me to do as we have small children and there's always something to do. But its what he wants, so I do try! Now always being joyful about it? I'd love to hear how others do it. 🙂

  86. Thank you for telling me this is normal! My husband has various obsessions... as you indicated they can change from time to time. After contention and strife on this issue, he's plainly told me not to bring it up, complain, or make him feel guilty about any of it. *Gulp* Instead, he wants to me sit there with him if possible, ie while he's working on a car or learning how to program a computer. This is extremely hard for me to do as we have small children and there's always something to do. But its what he wants, so I do try! Now always being joyful about it? I'd love to hear how others do it. 🙂

  87. Great topic! My husband is by my definition obsessed with fixing/creating/tinkering with mechanical things. He is actually very good at this and THANK GOD he makes his living doing this, or else he would go nuts. My husband goes to bed at night dreaming of how to rework a heating system or build something. Which is certainly not something I would ever dream of : )

    Fortunately I grew up with a dad just like this and my mother never took offense or acted like there was anything "wrong" with my dad. So, I "deal" with it the same way she did. I keep busy and don't take offense. I often act as his assistant and encourage him and compliment him on all he's accomplished. After all, my husband doesn't have anyone else to brag to about making a plow or harrow or devising a cheaper way to heat the house. He needs somebody to appreciate him and the unique talents God has gifted him with. I happily choose to look at it as my job.

  88. Great topic! My husband is by my definition obsessed with fixing/creating/tinkering with mechanical things. He is actually very good at this and THANK GOD he makes his living doing this, or else he would go nuts. My husband goes to bed at night dreaming of how to rework a heating system or build something. Which is certainly not something I would ever dream of : )

    Fortunately I grew up with a dad just like this and my mother never took offense or acted like there was anything "wrong" with my dad. So, I "deal" with it the same way she did. I keep busy and don't take offense. I often act as his assistant and encourage him and compliment him on all he's accomplished. After all, my husband doesn't have anyone else to brag to about making a plow or harrow or devising a cheaper way to heat the house. He needs somebody to appreciate him and the unique talents God has gifted him with. I happily choose to look at it as my job.

  89. I can relate to all those ladies who posted that their husbands are gamers. My husband also plays video games several hours of the day and night. We are newly wed, and I can't say we've found a solution yet. It's very hard to feel lonely, as a newlywed. My husband was in Afghanistan for a year soon after we married, and I was miserable lonely while he was gone. Now it's a different kind of loneliness. While he was gone, we couldn't be together. Now he is home, and we just aren't together. He just doesn't need as much time with me as I do with him. Still working on "dying to self" and trusting that God will deal with my husband and his obsession.

  90. I can relate to all those ladies who posted that their husbands are gamers. My husband also plays video games several hours of the day and night. We are newly wed, and I can't say we've found a solution yet. It's very hard to feel lonely, as a newlywed. My husband was in Afghanistan for a year soon after we married, and I was miserable lonely while he was gone. Now it's a different kind of loneliness. While he was gone, we couldn't be together. Now he is home, and we just aren't together. He just doesn't need as much time with me as I do with him. Still working on "dying to self" and trusting that God will deal with my husband and his obsession.

  91. Mrs. Pearl I loved this article. I had a hard time dealing with my husbands obsession at first. I have been married for almost 9 years to a COMMAND MAN!!! whoo and it was a little difficult to deal with. His obsessions switch constantly so it is never dull. No matter the time away from me though when he is ready for my attention I had better be ready to give it! Because he is a command man, anything that I could do that may take away from him or make him feel like I am moving too far away from him caused immediate conflict. So taking up anything that took me away from home was a no no! I learned to do things that he could show off proudly to his friends that his wife did. I wasn't trained in anything as a child except sewing by hand, so I began to expand my horizons. I began seeing how good I cook on a very limited budget. How to sew on a machine, hmm could I knit, crochet,garden, preserve foods and my recent venture, oil paintings. For my man it is all about him, and I don't mind. Sometimes I make him think it is all about him when really it is something I wanted to learn anyway, but that makes him and me happy. That tobogan he is wearing, "I made it to make him warm while he works", but I was really learning to knit myself. I also made them for gifts for friends and family..I became frugal as well. This is how he is able to brag and show off what I am doing to help him. What a great wife I am to make all this stuff so I don't waste his money. In reality though when he is gone or busy with his latest obsession I am busy learning to conquer something new and since I homeschool, my kids are usually learning it with me. It is better for me, having a command man, to do what I can at home and to constantly be ready to set aside whatever I am working on to be with him when he comes home. Some friends I know are married to a steady, or visionairy and their husbands are fine with them going to classes or having friends over and playing games. I think it all depends on knowing what type of husband you are married to and what your limit may be as far as he is concerned. Thanks again! I love reading all your NGJ articles. They have helped me so much!

  92. Mrs. Pearl I loved this article. I had a hard time dealing with my husbands obsession at first. I have been married for almost 9 years to a COMMAND MAN!!! whoo and it was a little difficult to deal with. His obsessions switch constantly so it is never dull. No matter the time away from me though when he is ready for my attention I had better be ready to give it! Because he is a command man, anything that I could do that may take away from him or make him feel like I am moving too far away from him caused immediate conflict. So taking up anything that took me away from home was a no no! I learned to do things that he could show off proudly to his friends that his wife did. I wasn't trained in anything as a child except sewing by hand, so I began to expand my horizons. I began seeing how good I cook on a very limited budget. How to sew on a machine, hmm could I knit, crochet,garden, preserve foods and my recent venture, oil paintings. For my man it is all about him, and I don't mind. Sometimes I make him think it is all about him when really it is something I wanted to learn anyway, but that makes him and me happy. That tobogan he is wearing, "I made it to make him warm while he works", but I was really learning to knit myself. I also made them for gifts for friends and family..I became frugal as well. This is how he is able to brag and show off what I am doing to help him. What a great wife I am to make all this stuff so I don't waste his money. In reality though when he is gone or busy with his latest obsession I am busy learning to conquer something new and since I homeschool, my kids are usually learning it with me. It is better for me, having a command man, to do what I can at home and to constantly be ready to set aside whatever I am working on to be with him when he comes home. Some friends I know are married to a steady, or visionairy and their husbands are fine with them going to classes or having friends over and playing games. I think it all depends on knowing what type of husband you are married to and what your limit may be as far as he is concerned. Thanks again! I love reading all your NGJ articles. They have helped me so much!

  93. I am very appreciative of this article. It came at just the needed time - this morning after I lovingly and gratefully sent my husband away for some quiet time in the mountains - I am glad to be reminded that men have a natural tendency to obsess and that we, as women, have a choice on how we can honor or dishonor our husbands. I greatly look forward to the continuation of this article - particularly the part that will spend time addressing how we can serve and honor our husbands, but also, stand strong in our own drives and hopes.

  94. I am very appreciative of this article. It came at just the needed time - this morning after I lovingly and gratefully sent my husband away for some quiet time in the mountains - I am glad to be reminded that men have a natural tendency to obsess and that we, as women, have a choice on how we can honor or dishonor our husbands. I greatly look forward to the continuation of this article - particularly the part that will spend time addressing how we can serve and honor our husbands, but also, stand strong in our own drives and hopes.

  95. My husband is a hard worker and provides a very nice home for us. I have no complaints, but he is addicted to TN Vols football. Every Saturday during football season he will sit for pre and post game activities. I would bristle and gripe. How dare he take time away from us (he works 40-60 hours per week providing so well for us..hmmmm)
    I am sure I made his life miserable with my holier than thou preaching about the wickedness of the sport. Then, the Lord showed me my wickedness. Now, I made nachos, chili or whatever other foods he likes and I join in for the game. Guess what? Life is pleasant and I actually like it...after all, I have found a couple of hours where I can sit quietly on the couch and knit!

  96. My husband is a hard worker and provides a very nice home for us. I have no complaints, but he is addicted to TN Vols football. Every Saturday during football season he will sit for pre and post game activities. I would bristle and gripe. How dare he take time away from us (he works 40-60 hours per week providing so well for us..hmmmm)
    I am sure I made his life miserable with my holier than thou preaching about the wickedness of the sport. Then, the Lord showed me my wickedness. Now, I made nachos, chili or whatever other foods he likes and I join in for the game. Guess what? Life is pleasant and I actually like it...after all, I have found a couple of hours where I can sit quietly on the couch and knit!

  97. My husband has always been obsessed with video games. He gets a new one and plays as much as possible until he finishes. However, his favorite are ones that have a story line. Ever since we were married I have always enjoyed sitting and watching him play. It's one of the few ways for him to de-stress after work. It's like watching a movie marathon. Even our two-year old son has joined the "family past time" of watching Daddy play Zelda :-). He will even lead my husband over to the game console and hand him the controller then climb into his daddy's lap. It's one of the few times my son actually sits still for any length of time.
    My advice is to get involved with it. It makes my husband's day for me to enjoy it almost as much as him, but maybe I'm just lucky in getting an obsession that isn't too bad. I'm not sure how I would go about things if he was into hunting. He has been talking about fishing for years (I even bought him a fishing pole and accessories for father's day one time) but he has yet to try it. I told him I would cook the fish he caught as long as he brought them home already cleaned and in fillet form. I would probably even go with him. He would enjoy teaching me how to fish.
    Maybe I'm just really laid back and don't consider his obsessions as a stress point. I read "Created to be his help meet" before we were even married, and it prepared me for life after marriage and what to expect. I went into marriage knowing that I couldn't change him and that I could either learn to like his "quirks" or be miserable. We are both very laid back and that helps. And I am very thankful for the husband God has blessed me with!

  98. My husband has always been obsessed with video games. He gets a new one and plays as much as possible until he finishes. However, his favorite are ones that have a story line. Ever since we were married I have always enjoyed sitting and watching him play. It's one of the few ways for him to de-stress after work. It's like watching a movie marathon. Even our two-year old son has joined the "family past time" of watching Daddy play Zelda :-). He will even lead my husband over to the game console and hand him the controller then climb into his daddy's lap. It's one of the few times my son actually sits still for any length of time.
    My advice is to get involved with it. It makes my husband's day for me to enjoy it almost as much as him, but maybe I'm just lucky in getting an obsession that isn't too bad. I'm not sure how I would go about things if he was into hunting. He has been talking about fishing for years (I even bought him a fishing pole and accessories for father's day one time) but he has yet to try it. I told him I would cook the fish he caught as long as he brought them home already cleaned and in fillet form. I would probably even go with him. He would enjoy teaching me how to fish.
    Maybe I'm just really laid back and don't consider his obsessions as a stress point. I read "Created to be his help meet" before we were even married, and it prepared me for life after marriage and what to expect. I went into marriage knowing that I couldn't change him and that I could either learn to like his "quirks" or be miserable. We are both very laid back and that helps. And I am very thankful for the husband God has blessed me with!

  99. thank you for posting these comments and testamonies.I get on the internet maybe once a month for a few minutes just to check my e-mails but now I think I will get on more often because of the advice I find on this page.I live far away from frieds and family.I also have trouble with joining my husband with his obsession,computer games and tv.how many F-troop shows or Get Smart shows can a person watch in a day?I feel like I am supporting wasting time on the computer if I played.Besides he doesn't play games that I could play with him.My step kids play video games that you hook up to the tv.They are always on them when he visits so he joins in and comes home all excited. We don't have any activities in common.I have been tempted a few times to want to buy a game system for the tv just so I could do something with my husband.Thank you to the wives who said they joined in with their husbands.

  100. thank you for posting these comments and testamonies.I get on the internet maybe once a month for a few minutes just to check my e-mails but now I think I will get on more often because of the advice I find on this page.I live far away from frieds and family.I also have trouble with joining my husband with his obsession,computer games and tv.how many F-troop shows or Get Smart shows can a person watch in a day?I feel like I am supporting wasting time on the computer if I played.Besides he doesn't play games that I could play with him.My step kids play video games that you hook up to the tv.They are always on them when he visits so he joins in and comes home all excited. We don't have any activities in common.I have been tempted a few times to want to buy a game system for the tv just so I could do something with my husband.Thank you to the wives who said they joined in with their husbands.

  101. Obsessed with Investing
    I am so thankful for this site and your wisdom. It is hard to find people you want to emulate in your marriage or parenting. I am praying that in this new year I can be a Mrs. Steady despite being tempted to have big emotional reactions to a loss of one on one time with my hubby. I really messed up with that last night, by pitching a fit instead of being welcoming when he wanted to see me late at night after he was done researching on the computer. And he has to stay overnight at work tonight double bummer, but I just baked a bunch with my daughter, so we can share it tomorrow when he gets home.
    I have to admit like the bride to be, I loved his obsessive nature when it was directed at me...haha. He jokes that I played "hard to get" like an Olympian. So I think it is my fault I am married to an obsessive man 🙂 With that behavior I was destined to get one! I think I am going to try studying when he is busy so that I don't sit tapping my foot getting bitter. I am going to pray God shows me an opportunity to do something useful for the home like the crochet lady.
    Wife of Mr Command with overtones of Visionary
    PS I think it is an opportunity for me to give Christ like love, love him even when I feel lonely. I know Jesus will help me give this gift to my husband so I am not a prisoner of my emotions.

  102. Obsessed with Investing
    I am so thankful for this site and your wisdom. It is hard to find people you want to emulate in your marriage or parenting. I am praying that in this new year I can be a Mrs. Steady despite being tempted to have big emotional reactions to a loss of one on one time with my hubby. I really messed up with that last night, by pitching a fit instead of being welcoming when he wanted to see me late at night after he was done researching on the computer. And he has to stay overnight at work tonight double bummer, but I just baked a bunch with my daughter, so we can share it tomorrow when he gets home.
    I have to admit like the bride to be, I loved his obsessive nature when it was directed at me...haha. He jokes that I played "hard to get" like an Olympian. So I think it is my fault I am married to an obsessive man 🙂 With that behavior I was destined to get one! I think I am going to try studying when he is busy so that I don't sit tapping my foot getting bitter. I am going to pray God shows me an opportunity to do something useful for the home like the crochet lady.
    Wife of Mr Command with overtones of Visionary
    PS I think it is an opportunity for me to give Christ like love, love him even when I feel lonely. I know Jesus will help me give this gift to my husband so I am not a prisoner of my emotions.

  103. Ms. Pearl, I bought and read your book and did not agree with all of what you have written. Yes I am a Christian. You major on the fact the we are made to be submissive to our husbands and yes, this is in the Bible, but what about the part that our husbands are to "nurture and cherishes us as wives, it also states that we are to submit to one another, does this not include our husbands as well? Scripture also states in Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. I personally do not think that my husband would do this. Even though scripture states this also in Ephesians 5:28-29 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourished and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church. I have been married going on 21 years. I would love to be a stay at home mom, but my husband expects me to work and still take care of the home, laundry, meals, homework and take care of our 2 children.. I feel that he needs to help out at home because I do work outside of the home so he needs to help me. But this never happens. I am jealous of his "obsessions" because he did not marry his "obessions" he married me. I have had to be mom and dad to our children, taking them to the activites, ball practice, school functions, all by myself. If I had known that it would have been like this, I probably would not have ever married. So please keep an open mind when you read this. If we lived in a perfect world without sin, we could live according to your book. We could be like the wives in the movie " The Stepford Wives. Thank you.

  104. Ms. Pearl, I bought and read your book and did not agree with all of what you have written. Yes I am a Christian. You major on the fact the we are made to be submissive to our husbands and yes, this is in the Bible, but what about the part that our husbands are to "nurture and cherishes us as wives, it also states that we are to submit to one another, does this not include our husbands as well? Scripture also states in Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. I personally do not think that my husband would do this. Even though scripture states this also in Ephesians 5:28-29 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourished and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church. I have been married going on 21 years. I would love to be a stay at home mom, but my husband expects me to work and still take care of the home, laundry, meals, homework and take care of our 2 children.. I feel that he needs to help out at home because I do work outside of the home so he needs to help me. But this never happens. I am jealous of his "obsessions" because he did not marry his "obessions" he married me. I have had to be mom and dad to our children, taking them to the activites, ball practice, school functions, all by myself. If I had known that it would have been like this, I probably would not have ever married. So please keep an open mind when you read this. If we lived in a perfect world without sin, we could live according to your book. We could be like the wives in the movie " The Stepford Wives. Thank you.

  105. Debi, not having read the other comments, I wanted to add how I found a way to be with my husband while he does his thing. Yes, with him while -- you read that right.
    My husband actually does many things, but he usually does what needs to be done first. I feel blessed by that.
    Still, I have found joy in helping him, but you have to understand that a woman can only HELP a man with his jobs or hobbies if she thinks like a man. First, you can't become emotional if he criticizes what you are doing, they seem to be in a world of their own making when they work or play, and not their usual polite selves like at the dinner table or in the living room.
    Next, even if you are there just to watch - or be blessed to assist - don't talk about anything unrelated to the job at hand. That was the hardest part for me. I was used to visiting. I liked to talk. I had to learn not to enter anything else into his thoughts unless he brought up a subject. I still hold my tongue in my teeth after years of "helping him". I know it is a privilege for him to let me into this part of his world of target shooting, fixing cars and tractors, or just working around the place fencing or cutting trees. I love being with him as he does his guy things, but had to learn HOW to do it. Because I have learned how, even though I slip up now and again and behave like a female (LOL), he has invited me to help him whenever I'd like. He seems to enjoy the company, as long as I don't over step the bounds. I mustn't talk about anything and everything, I mustn't get in the way, or start tinkering around to entertain myself. If I am absorbed in what he is doing, I find I enjoy it too. For instance, if he cuts wood, I stack it. If he works on vehicles I try to assist, and that gets easier when you learn how, but I stand by silent when he gets angry at something. When he fences, I do part of the job that suits my skills.
    Even when I am not really doing much, I am helpful to him. I can read manuals as he fixes things, pass him tools, be of assistance when he needs it. I want to be his help meet in more than just the usual way, and slowly he has allowed me to join him in more things.

    He loves to ride motorcycle. He did a few times over the years, but now he has mentioned WE should have bikes and go together. Of course, this is future talk when our children are grown. (Before he rode short distances, and alone. He had a family so he didn't go far; and I couldn't go in case something happened to us - the kids would have no one.) But the point is I am part of his obsessions now, he can trust me and enjoy me because I did everything I could to make it work. It wasn't always easy, or happy, and it wasn't always what I'd like to be doing, but the time spent with him, and what we've learned about each other and what we are capable of has somehow bonded us in a way that I never would have expected. It was all worth it.

    Another playtime hobby is guns. He target shoots and challenges himself. Now I too can join him in that. I learned the safety of it first, the patients of it second, and the love of it third. We do it together and we challenge each other. We all need a little competition you know (wink).

    Okay, this may all sound sad to some of you... So for those of you, yes I can stay in and enjoy a good book - I do love to read. I can sew, knit, or do anything I want when he is BUSY, but I always feel sort of out of place. I'd rather be with him - I'd rather leave the dishes, the wash, the cooking, until I've spent time helping my husband. Those things can be done weekdays 9-5.

    Even when the kids were small I'd try to get involved in what he was doing, even just for a wee bit. With teens in the house now - doing their own projects, and capable of doing some of the super prep work - we can eat anytime we are finished a project, job or activity. Even late dinners thrown together is better than cooking it and letting it sit and get cold while we wait on our husbands to get home/in! I find that distasteful and too many women find this hurtful. Why go there! HINT: Feed the kids if need be, pop something in the fridge pre-made for when he comes in late OR BETTER YET, whip up something fast when you BOTH get in. Who says eggs have to be for breakfast.
    You'll not only make a good friend out of your husband by being a help meet and play partner, but you'll show your kids that parents can work and play together outside the house, and that they too can be helpful if they are given the opportunity.

    Yes, I spend time with my kids, they are not neglected. We homeschool and I see them all day everyday. I am not taking anything away from them by being with my husband when he is doing his thing.

    Recap: Join your spouse in his obsession or challenges. Be focused and quiet unless he asks you questions or offers you knowledge on what he is doing. Men seem to love sharing what they know.
    Be steady, don't get bored and frustrated and start to tinker or talk.
    Be helpful - watch for ways that help him where he actually appreciates it.
    Be there for him. You will see a different side to your man, get used to it, it is part of who he is, it might even help you understand him better.
    Don't be afraid to get dirty or be in the way at first, he'll let you know, just watch for the signs.

    Reading my husband in this way has been like reading a new book.

    So if he'll let you in, be thankful. Pray and don't speak - watch and listen. He'll give you the clues you need to know to be with him in this part of his life.
    If it goes well, expect to be subtly invited again, and remember that it is truly an honor to be let into a man's world.

    God Bless You.

  106. Debi, not having read the other comments, I wanted to add how I found a way to be with my husband while he does his thing. Yes, with him while -- you read that right.
    My husband actually does many things, but he usually does what needs to be done first. I feel blessed by that.
    Still, I have found joy in helping him, but you have to understand that a woman can only HELP a man with his jobs or hobbies if she thinks like a man. First, you can't become emotional if he criticizes what you are doing, they seem to be in a world of their own making when they work or play, and not their usual polite selves like at the dinner table or in the living room.
    Next, even if you are there just to watch - or be blessed to assist - don't talk about anything unrelated to the job at hand. That was the hardest part for me. I was used to visiting. I liked to talk. I had to learn not to enter anything else into his thoughts unless he brought up a subject. I still hold my tongue in my teeth after years of "helping him". I know it is a privilege for him to let me into this part of his world of target shooting, fixing cars and tractors, or just working around the place fencing or cutting trees. I love being with him as he does his guy things, but had to learn HOW to do it. Because I have learned how, even though I slip up now and again and behave like a female (LOL), he has invited me to help him whenever I'd like. He seems to enjoy the company, as long as I don't over step the bounds. I mustn't talk about anything and everything, I mustn't get in the way, or start tinkering around to entertain myself. If I am absorbed in what he is doing, I find I enjoy it too. For instance, if he cuts wood, I stack it. If he works on vehicles I try to assist, and that gets easier when you learn how, but I stand by silent when he gets angry at something. When he fences, I do part of the job that suits my skills.
    Even when I am not really doing much, I am helpful to him. I can read manuals as he fixes things, pass him tools, be of assistance when he needs it. I want to be his help meet in more than just the usual way, and slowly he has allowed me to join him in more things.

    He loves to ride motorcycle. He did a few times over the years, but now he has mentioned WE should have bikes and go together. Of course, this is future talk when our children are grown. (Before he rode short distances, and alone. He had a family so he didn't go far; and I couldn't go in case something happened to us - the kids would have no one.) But the point is I am part of his obsessions now, he can trust me and enjoy me because I did everything I could to make it work. It wasn't always easy, or happy, and it wasn't always what I'd like to be doing, but the time spent with him, and what we've learned about each other and what we are capable of has somehow bonded us in a way that I never would have expected. It was all worth it.

    Another playtime hobby is guns. He target shoots and challenges himself. Now I too can join him in that. I learned the safety of it first, the patients of it second, and the love of it third. We do it together and we challenge each other. We all need a little competition you know (wink).

    Okay, this may all sound sad to some of you... So for those of you, yes I can stay in and enjoy a good book - I do love to read. I can sew, knit, or do anything I want when he is BUSY, but I always feel sort of out of place. I'd rather be with him - I'd rather leave the dishes, the wash, the cooking, until I've spent time helping my husband. Those things can be done weekdays 9-5.

    Even when the kids were small I'd try to get involved in what he was doing, even just for a wee bit. With teens in the house now - doing their own projects, and capable of doing some of the super prep work - we can eat anytime we are finished a project, job or activity. Even late dinners thrown together is better than cooking it and letting it sit and get cold while we wait on our husbands to get home/in! I find that distasteful and too many women find this hurtful. Why go there! HINT: Feed the kids if need be, pop something in the fridge pre-made for when he comes in late OR BETTER YET, whip up something fast when you BOTH get in. Who says eggs have to be for breakfast.
    You'll not only make a good friend out of your husband by being a help meet and play partner, but you'll show your kids that parents can work and play together outside the house, and that they too can be helpful if they are given the opportunity.

    Yes, I spend time with my kids, they are not neglected. We homeschool and I see them all day everyday. I am not taking anything away from them by being with my husband when he is doing his thing.

    Recap: Join your spouse in his obsession or challenges. Be focused and quiet unless he asks you questions or offers you knowledge on what he is doing. Men seem to love sharing what they know.
    Be steady, don't get bored and frustrated and start to tinker or talk.
    Be helpful - watch for ways that help him where he actually appreciates it.
    Be there for him. You will see a different side to your man, get used to it, it is part of who he is, it might even help you understand him better.
    Don't be afraid to get dirty or be in the way at first, he'll let you know, just watch for the signs.

    Reading my husband in this way has been like reading a new book.

    So if he'll let you in, be thankful. Pray and don't speak - watch and listen. He'll give you the clues you need to know to be with him in this part of his life.
    If it goes well, expect to be subtly invited again, and remember that it is truly an honor to be let into a man's world.

    God Bless You.

  107. Great Article! I love your Book.. Created to be His Help Meet. I think it should be required reading in order to be able to get married! ha ha! Anyways... to the question at hand... I think the best way is to get involved in his obsession!! When my husband and I were first married he LOVED to go to Gun & Knife shows. He loved to walk around those things for hours. He really took the time to learn all he could about them. Are handguns and knives my favorite hobby.. ha ha.. no, I love all things girly! But I married my husband to be with him! Who cares what we are doing! I surely dont.. I just enjoy talking and laughing and being WITH him. So if it is hrs of walking around guns shows.. fine by me. That was his obsession then. And he gets a big kick out of when I can identify a handgun just by seeing it really quickly somewhere! Then it went to him enjoying video games. Which I know alot of women HATE when their man does this and berate them calling it childish. If that is what makes him destress.. wonderful, play some games. So I would sit on the couch beside of him and either play as player #2 .. ha ha.. or I would just watch. It became the show I watched and would help him through the levels. =) He loved it. Then as the years have gone on work is definitely an obsession. Complain about it.. no way! He always does whatever he must do to provide well for his family! So whereas I cant physcially go to work with him each day I try to find ways to be a part or at the very least listen and find ways to help him. I heard him speak of troubles with checking his bag on flights. So I searched and searched and found a way to earn some extra $ so I could buy him a nice piece of carryon luggage so he no longer needs to check a bag. He has told me many times over how thankful he is for that bag. So I cant go to work with him but when it makes his life a bit easier I know he thinks of me! I know he thinks of how much I try to make his "obsession" in this era of our lives more easy for him to achieve success in! I honestly dont care what area it is that has or has been or will be his obsession.. Ill get involved someway! I figure I could either complain that he is spending time away from me doing "such and such" OR I could find a way to be a part of his obsession and spend time together through that venue! I think of how many women waste time and emotion being upset about lets say a man playing video games. If only she would just plop on the couch beside of him and spend that time together! How fun! And think of ALL that time they would get to spend together! Let the dishes pile up and spend time with him!! There is always time to do the dishes when he isnt home. So all that rambling to say... Find a way to enjoy his obsession with him! That is what has worked great for us. Like I said... are all those things he loves my favorite.. No... but I married him to spend time WITH him! I dont care what we are doing! =)

  108. Great Article! I love your Book.. Created to be His Help Meet. I think it should be required reading in order to be able to get married! ha ha! Anyways... to the question at hand... I think the best way is to get involved in his obsession!! When my husband and I were first married he LOVED to go to Gun & Knife shows. He loved to walk around those things for hours. He really took the time to learn all he could about them. Are handguns and knives my favorite hobby.. ha ha.. no, I love all things girly! But I married my husband to be with him! Who cares what we are doing! I surely dont.. I just enjoy talking and laughing and being WITH him. So if it is hrs of walking around guns shows.. fine by me. That was his obsession then. And he gets a big kick out of when I can identify a handgun just by seeing it really quickly somewhere! Then it went to him enjoying video games. Which I know alot of women HATE when their man does this and berate them calling it childish. If that is what makes him destress.. wonderful, play some games. So I would sit on the couch beside of him and either play as player #2 .. ha ha.. or I would just watch. It became the show I watched and would help him through the levels. =) He loved it. Then as the years have gone on work is definitely an obsession. Complain about it.. no way! He always does whatever he must do to provide well for his family! So whereas I cant physcially go to work with him each day I try to find ways to be a part or at the very least listen and find ways to help him. I heard him speak of troubles with checking his bag on flights. So I searched and searched and found a way to earn some extra $ so I could buy him a nice piece of carryon luggage so he no longer needs to check a bag. He has told me many times over how thankful he is for that bag. So I cant go to work with him but when it makes his life a bit easier I know he thinks of me! I know he thinks of how much I try to make his "obsession" in this era of our lives more easy for him to achieve success in! I honestly dont care what area it is that has or has been or will be his obsession.. Ill get involved someway! I figure I could either complain that he is spending time away from me doing "such and such" OR I could find a way to be a part of his obsession and spend time together through that venue! I think of how many women waste time and emotion being upset about lets say a man playing video games. If only she would just plop on the couch beside of him and spend that time together! How fun! And think of ALL that time they would get to spend together! Let the dishes pile up and spend time with him!! There is always time to do the dishes when he isnt home. So all that rambling to say... Find a way to enjoy his obsession with him! That is what has worked great for us. Like I said... are all those things he loves my favorite.. No... but I married him to spend time WITH him! I dont care what we are doing! =)

  109. I hope this is anonymous, not that my husband would likely go here to read. I would never want to hurt him. He is a wonderful, steady man and we have been in love for over 35 years. HOWEVER, for any ladies who THINK, even for a second, that they would like their husband's obsession to be *them*, think again. That is my husband's obsession. And it was great when we were young. But we are older now and he is going to drive me N-U-T-S when he retires if he doesn't take up something other than ME!!! It really can be a painful burden at times. I am an extreme introvert and a mother of 5 sons. I won't have daughters coming back home to ask for help or to can with, or to do things for, or who will distract their dad. I try to enjoy my husband's attention, but he really does need to take up a hobby that doesn't involve me!
    As always, be careful what you pray for, and try to be grateful for what you have (I really do) and enjoy the moment God has given you this day. Grace, mercy, and peace from an overly pampered wife

  110. I hope this is anonymous, not that my husband would likely go here to read. I would never want to hurt him. He is a wonderful, steady man and we have been in love for over 35 years. HOWEVER, for any ladies who THINK, even for a second, that they would like their husband's obsession to be *them*, think again. That is my husband's obsession. And it was great when we were young. But we are older now and he is going to drive me N-U-T-S when he retires if he doesn't take up something other than ME!!! It really can be a painful burden at times. I am an extreme introvert and a mother of 5 sons. I won't have daughters coming back home to ask for help or to can with, or to do things for, or who will distract their dad. I try to enjoy my husband's attention, but he really does need to take up a hobby that doesn't involve me!
    As always, be careful what you pray for, and try to be grateful for what you have (I really do) and enjoy the moment God has given you this day. Grace, mercy, and peace from an overly pampered wife

  111. What do you do when your husband refuses to earn a living for your family because he is too "busy" with his obsessions to get a job? Do you still just accept it and become an even better wife when you are already forced to run everything and do everything for your husband who refused to live in reality? We have 10 children and my husband REFUSES to get a job because he is too "busy" doing other things. What am I supposed to do???

  112. What do you do when your husband refuses to earn a living for your family because he is too "busy" with his obsessions to get a job? Do you still just accept it and become an even better wife when you are already forced to run everything and do everything for your husband who refused to live in reality? We have 10 children and my husband REFUSES to get a job because he is too "busy" doing other things. What am I supposed to do???

  113. After 10 years of neglect and conflict, the Lord has seemingly corrected my husband to be obsessed with cleaning and fixing everything in the house. I absolutely love it, and while he does it, he teaches the boys about everything he is doing. This is all a dream come true for me because he used to be obsessed with very hurful things. It took alot of keeping my mouth shut and saying honey bunny after everything I say to help me keep it sweet, but Hallelujah! And Hallelujah for the Pearls to cheering us troubled women on to keep loving our tough to love men! Nothing does come easy though. In the times where I felt neglected, prayer was the balm, and Jesus filled in the emptiness. Thank you Jesus for being my everything! And blessing me still with a converted husband! Peace and Joy all!

  114. After 10 years of neglect and conflict, the Lord has seemingly corrected my husband to be obsessed with cleaning and fixing everything in the house. I absolutely love it, and while he does it, he teaches the boys about everything he is doing. This is all a dream come true for me because he used to be obsessed with very hurful things. It took alot of keeping my mouth shut and saying honey bunny after everything I say to help me keep it sweet, but Hallelujah! And Hallelujah for the Pearls to cheering us troubled women on to keep loving our tough to love men! Nothing does come easy though. In the times where I felt neglected, prayer was the balm, and Jesus filled in the emptiness. Thank you Jesus for being my everything! And blessing me still with a converted husband! Peace and Joy all!

  115. Dear Anonymous,
    you don't say how old your children are or if you homeschool. The only one you can ever depend on is God. The dreams we had when we started out can turn out to be nightmares, but God is still with us. He is still everything we need.
    Pray. I will pray for you. Listen for His voice and He will direct you.
    Assume that your lazy husband will never get at job, but be glad if he does. Don't be his enabler.
    It will feel like you are being mean. It will feel like you two are being torn apart, and you are being torn apart because he is not holding up his end of the responsibilites. So... be polite to him as polite as you can be and ignore him when you need to. Take care of yourself. Take care of your children. Do what it takes. Pray.
    Listen. Breathe. Pray some more. You might feel like some of your life's being snuffed out. It is. Don't dwell on it.
    You have another part of your life left to live! Live it! Love your kids as best you can. Trust God for the rest.
    Pray for a trusted person to confide in.
    Don't just share your marriage problems freely. Spend time with the Lord - while you do the dishes, or drive down the road... whenever you have a half a moment to "think". If nothing else, it will draw you closer to God and that's where we all need to be anyway. Your husband will do what ever he pleases. I pray that it will please him sometime to draw close to the Lord, to you and to his children. If he doesn't, he doesn't. You can't change him. Maybe you can pray for him. Your situation may be so difficult that you will have to depend on the Holy Spirit to pray to the Father for you in groans and utterances. You may need to ask someone else - a trusted someone - to pray for him.
    But as for you....what are you to do? You pray. You trust. You take care of your children.
    You ask the Lord how and He will show you. He loves you.

  116. Dear Anonymous,
    you don't say how old your children are or if you homeschool. The only one you can ever depend on is God. The dreams we had when we started out can turn out to be nightmares, but God is still with us. He is still everything we need.
    Pray. I will pray for you. Listen for His voice and He will direct you.
    Assume that your lazy husband will never get at job, but be glad if he does. Don't be his enabler.
    It will feel like you are being mean. It will feel like you two are being torn apart, and you are being torn apart because he is not holding up his end of the responsibilites. So... be polite to him as polite as you can be and ignore him when you need to. Take care of yourself. Take care of your children. Do what it takes. Pray.
    Listen. Breathe. Pray some more. You might feel like some of your life's being snuffed out. It is. Don't dwell on it.
    You have another part of your life left to live! Live it! Love your kids as best you can. Trust God for the rest.
    Pray for a trusted person to confide in.
    Don't just share your marriage problems freely. Spend time with the Lord - while you do the dishes, or drive down the road... whenever you have a half a moment to "think". If nothing else, it will draw you closer to God and that's where we all need to be anyway. Your husband will do what ever he pleases. I pray that it will please him sometime to draw close to the Lord, to you and to his children. If he doesn't, he doesn't. You can't change him. Maybe you can pray for him. Your situation may be so difficult that you will have to depend on the Holy Spirit to pray to the Father for you in groans and utterances. You may need to ask someone else - a trusted someone - to pray for him.
    But as for you....what are you to do? You pray. You trust. You take care of your children.
    You ask the Lord how and He will show you. He loves you.

  117. When I was reading this article, it reminded me of my fiance's obsessions, especially video games and Star Wars. Before I met him, I played Nintendo video games when I was younger, just something to do for about an hour, not all day as he does. I also did not know as much about Star Wars before I met him, just a few characters, basic plot and only saw one Star Wars movie, now know more about it and saw all six of them.

  118. When I was reading this article, it reminded me of my fiance's obsessions, especially video games and Star Wars. Before I met him, I played Nintendo video games when I was younger, just something to do for about an hour, not all day as he does. I also did not know as much about Star Wars before I met him, just a few characters, basic plot and only saw one Star Wars movie, now know more about it and saw all six of them.

  119. Seaons and seasons! I'm married to a hunter/fisher obsessed country boy. Two different ladies told me about the helpmeet book right before I went into surgery recently. I read the first tree chapters and was changed. As I went into surgery, I made sure I said uplifting, encouraging things of my husband to the hospital staff. Even though he was stressed, I decided to pray for the strength to have a smile on my face and serve my family a merry spirit instead of a poor me spirit. This was the beginning of my hubby really wanting to spend time with me. The Lord has given us freedoms because we are all so different as women. For me, it's trusting that God's Word is true, and even in the midst of bumps, I can prepare myself for whatever He has in store. Now, because of Debbie's book, I can look with interest on his interests, and prepare myself in prayer and trying to walk with God as my hubby's helpmeet. Along with homeschooling my kids, this takes all my extra time right now. But I want to be prepared for the next season, especially since the mountains will always beckon my hubby. Maybe I will learn to bow hunt.

  120. Seaons and seasons! I'm married to a hunter/fisher obsessed country boy. Two different ladies told me about the helpmeet book right before I went into surgery recently. I read the first tree chapters and was changed. As I went into surgery, I made sure I said uplifting, encouraging things of my husband to the hospital staff. Even though he was stressed, I decided to pray for the strength to have a smile on my face and serve my family a merry spirit instead of a poor me spirit. This was the beginning of my hubby really wanting to spend time with me. The Lord has given us freedoms because we are all so different as women. For me, it's trusting that God's Word is true, and even in the midst of bumps, I can prepare myself for whatever He has in store. Now, because of Debbie's book, I can look with interest on his interests, and prepare myself in prayer and trying to walk with God as my hubby's helpmeet. Along with homeschooling my kids, this takes all my extra time right now. But I want to be prepared for the next season, especially since the mountains will always beckon my hubby. Maybe I will learn to bow hunt.

  121. My wonderful hubby loves to fish...not just any kind of fishing, but deep sea fishing. He is a wonderful Man of God and I am so glad that he has a "clean" hobby...at least he's not off in some bar or looking at porn online as a hobby. I knew about his "obsession" when I married him, so that made it a lot easier...because I knew what I was getting into. I have tried to learn about the different types of fish, boats, and engines and we giggle when I get something right or I impress him with some random deep sea fishing fact. I also usually get 20 dollars to spend when he goes fishing. It sounds lame, but it's nice to be able to buy something for myself or take our children kids to lunch or something when he's gone all day fishing. Sometimes he's able to take our 7 year old son with him if the weather is not too awful. I can tell that he needs the time to fish...to get away and clear his head and "conquer" something. He doesn't really sit around and watch sports much at all...so Debbie, it made perfect sense what you said about if a man doesn't have a "hobby" or "obsession" to conquer then sometimes they have to conquer vicariously through others...like watching it on TV. We have watched quite a few fishing shows together...not much excites him more than snuggling on the couch with me and a cup of coffee while watching a deep sea fishing show. God Bless and thanks so much for your ministry...it has been such a blessing to me and my family.

  122. My wonderful hubby loves to fish...not just any kind of fishing, but deep sea fishing. He is a wonderful Man of God and I am so glad that he has a "clean" hobby...at least he's not off in some bar or looking at porn online as a hobby. I knew about his "obsession" when I married him, so that made it a lot easier...because I knew what I was getting into. I have tried to learn about the different types of fish, boats, and engines and we giggle when I get something right or I impress him with some random deep sea fishing fact. I also usually get 20 dollars to spend when he goes fishing. It sounds lame, but it's nice to be able to buy something for myself or take our children kids to lunch or something when he's gone all day fishing. Sometimes he's able to take our 7 year old son with him if the weather is not too awful. I can tell that he needs the time to fish...to get away and clear his head and "conquer" something. He doesn't really sit around and watch sports much at all...so Debbie, it made perfect sense what you said about if a man doesn't have a "hobby" or "obsession" to conquer then sometimes they have to conquer vicariously through others...like watching it on TV. We have watched quite a few fishing shows together...not much excites him more than snuggling on the couch with me and a cup of coffee while watching a deep sea fishing show. God Bless and thanks so much for your ministry...it has been such a blessing to me and my family.

  123. I am married to Mr. Steady, very caring, thoughtful & helpful. I am blessed to be his helpmeet for these last 18 years! His obsessions always come after the family needs, so I can not relate to what many other wives have said and/or do experience. However, what my husband likes or obsesses over, I have learned to appreciate and join him. It just took me longer than it should have to figure it out. It's not about whether I like it or want to do it, but that my husband likes me to join him. So his obsessions (if you call them that), is yard or estate sales and ham radio. None of which I had any interest in!! But once I joined him, and to my shock, I "sort of" like them now too! Yes, I've had to go to classes and study for tests to get a ham radio license and yes, he has (I mean "we"!)have spent a fair amount of money as well on these things he really, really enjoys. We drive around looking for good sales (he determines what a good sale price is!), but I do this to be with him and enjoy what he enjoys. It has worked well for us and communication was the key to understanding what he wanted/needed. I knew that my heavenly Father was showing me another way to serve, minister and bless him. Personally, it helped me to not call them "his obsessions", but his likes. It's been a journey of learning, but I now treasure this aspect of learning more about this man God gave me! He really is that special to me! I hope my short comments may help another wife!

    Jeanne

  124. I am married to Mr. Steady, very caring, thoughtful & helpful. I am blessed to be his helpmeet for these last 18 years! His obsessions always come after the family needs, so I can not relate to what many other wives have said and/or do experience. However, what my husband likes or obsesses over, I have learned to appreciate and join him. It just took me longer than it should have to figure it out. It's not about whether I like it or want to do it, but that my husband likes me to join him. So his obsessions (if you call them that), is yard or estate sales and ham radio. None of which I had any interest in!! But once I joined him, and to my shock, I "sort of" like them now too! Yes, I've had to go to classes and study for tests to get a ham radio license and yes, he has (I mean "we"!)have spent a fair amount of money as well on these things he really, really enjoys. We drive around looking for good sales (he determines what a good sale price is!), but I do this to be with him and enjoy what he enjoys. It has worked well for us and communication was the key to understanding what he wanted/needed. I knew that my heavenly Father was showing me another way to serve, minister and bless him. Personally, it helped me to not call them "his obsessions", but his likes. It's been a journey of learning, but I now treasure this aspect of learning more about this man God gave me! He really is that special to me! I hope my short comments may help another wife!

    Jeanne

  125. Mrs. anonymous,
    My husband doesn't work, either. Well, that's not exactly true: he works one day a week at a game shop so that he can get an employee discount on his game stuff. Every dime he makes goes right back into his games and then some.
    I have a job I can "telecommute" to most days. That takes care of most of our needs, and I make things for these games to sell, and paint models for the games for money as well. I also mix up herbal teas and a homemade "Bug Mud" that's good for insect bites, poison ivy, etc. and sell those at the Farmer's Market.
    I garden and can, buy rice and noodles and beans on sale in bulk, and we don't eat much meat.
    Rice and beans can be mixed together and eaten, made into tacos/burritos, rice can be boiled and mashed up just like corn (see Deb's "Corny, Ten Different Ways" article. That was a blessing to me.)
    I get all this done by not watching TV or movies, not going to ladies' meetings, or laying around reading a lot of "spiritual" books for women. I only go to church on Sunday morning. My family is the most important thing in my life. It has to be.
    You can either stay mad or you can get creative. Stay mad and you'll probably drown in it, your marriage will die, and your children will be hurt. Get creative and you'll be a blessing to your family, a great testimony, and you'll show your daughters how to make much from little.
    My husband and I have a good marriage. Is he doing everything right? No. Neither am I. Is he a strong Christian? Not yet. Will my husband become a strong Christian if I nag and browbeat him and quote things like "if a man shall not work, neither shall he eat" at dinner? NO! Will he become a good Christian and provider if I love him and honor him and take care of us? I have no idea. But even if he doesn't, I'll have done my job and we'll have a home and food and heat.
    Remember that your husband isn't cheating, isn't looking at porn, isn't beating you, and you live in the most prosperous nation on the Earth. God gave you everything you need to survive. You just have to want to do it more than you want your husband to know how much you and the children are suffering.

  126. Mrs. anonymous,
    My husband doesn't work, either. Well, that's not exactly true: he works one day a week at a game shop so that he can get an employee discount on his game stuff. Every dime he makes goes right back into his games and then some.
    I have a job I can "telecommute" to most days. That takes care of most of our needs, and I make things for these games to sell, and paint models for the games for money as well. I also mix up herbal teas and a homemade "Bug Mud" that's good for insect bites, poison ivy, etc. and sell those at the Farmer's Market.
    I garden and can, buy rice and noodles and beans on sale in bulk, and we don't eat much meat.
    Rice and beans can be mixed together and eaten, made into tacos/burritos, rice can be boiled and mashed up just like corn (see Deb's "Corny, Ten Different Ways" article. That was a blessing to me.)
    I get all this done by not watching TV or movies, not going to ladies' meetings, or laying around reading a lot of "spiritual" books for women. I only go to church on Sunday morning. My family is the most important thing in my life. It has to be.
    You can either stay mad or you can get creative. Stay mad and you'll probably drown in it, your marriage will die, and your children will be hurt. Get creative and you'll be a blessing to your family, a great testimony, and you'll show your daughters how to make much from little.
    My husband and I have a good marriage. Is he doing everything right? No. Neither am I. Is he a strong Christian? Not yet. Will my husband become a strong Christian if I nag and browbeat him and quote things like "if a man shall not work, neither shall he eat" at dinner? NO! Will he become a good Christian and provider if I love him and honor him and take care of us? I have no idea. But even if he doesn't, I'll have done my job and we'll have a home and food and heat.
    Remember that your husband isn't cheating, isn't looking at porn, isn't beating you, and you live in the most prosperous nation on the Earth. God gave you everything you need to survive. You just have to want to do it more than you want your husband to know how much you and the children are suffering.

  127. Well, my husband and i have been married for 25 years this yr and have four children. Both of our parents are divorced, so when we first got married I was DETERMINED to do whatever it took to stay close to so I did. He was a deer hunter... so I went with him deer scouting (whatever that really means). He loved to fish so I went fishing. We have fished in tournaments together. Then the kids started coming and guess what happened my husband starting wanting to be interested in my world. He has changed diapers, rocked babies, and been my encourager. I know that all men may not respond that way, but it does seem like my determination to to not just be his mate but his friend was well worth my time and energy. We even have a few funny stories to tell like the time I went hunting with him and we sat down by a tree and the warm sunshine felt so good I decided to take a nap. Only twenty minutes or so later I was awakened to my husband being only six or so inches from my nose saying..."You are snoring so loud there is no way a deer would come by here". We still laugh about this over twenty years later. Now a days our boys have become his hunting buddies and fishing partners and what a blessing it is to see them do these things together, and I just wait at home and curl up reading. Thankful for my spouse and bestfriend:)

  128. Well, my husband and i have been married for 25 years this yr and have four children. Both of our parents are divorced, so when we first got married I was DETERMINED to do whatever it took to stay close to so I did. He was a deer hunter... so I went with him deer scouting (whatever that really means). He loved to fish so I went fishing. We have fished in tournaments together. Then the kids started coming and guess what happened my husband starting wanting to be interested in my world. He has changed diapers, rocked babies, and been my encourager. I know that all men may not respond that way, but it does seem like my determination to to not just be his mate but his friend was well worth my time and energy. We even have a few funny stories to tell like the time I went hunting with him and we sat down by a tree and the warm sunshine felt so good I decided to take a nap. Only twenty minutes or so later I was awakened to my husband being only six or so inches from my nose saying..."You are snoring so loud there is no way a deer would come by here". We still laugh about this over twenty years later. Now a days our boys have become his hunting buddies and fishing partners and what a blessing it is to see them do these things together, and I just wait at home and curl up reading. Thankful for my spouse and bestfriend:)

  129. Yes my wonderful husband is obsessed with golf and watching sports! I used to fight with him everytime he left for a round of golf or sat there watching tv. or just get a big chip on my shoulder....but then I Figured something out! If you can't beat 'em join 'em!!! now we drop the kidos off at grandmas and make the golf outing a date. who would of knew now I'm obsessed, well not quite...lol! I love to cook so whenever there's a big game on tv we invite friends over and I cook up some yummy treats and I get to visit with my friends and we all enjoy it together!!!

  130. Yes my wonderful husband is obsessed with golf and watching sports! I used to fight with him everytime he left for a round of golf or sat there watching tv. or just get a big chip on my shoulder....but then I Figured something out! If you can't beat 'em join 'em!!! now we drop the kidos off at grandmas and make the golf outing a date. who would of knew now I'm obsessed, well not quite...lol! I love to cook so whenever there's a big game on tv we invite friends over and I cook up some yummy treats and I get to visit with my friends and we all enjoy it together!!!

  131. Thank you for this article its realy revelent my husband is obsessive about building things. I used to realy resent the time and money he spent on his projects. he is a mr visionary and can realy get lost in a project. last winter he built a truck so we could take it to mexico for a vacation and then he spent the whole vacation looking for better parts for his truck. i was a bit frustrated stuck in a country with a language i dont understand and an 8 month old baby but as a result of that i got interested in sewing which lead to my current hobby of quilting which i now use to fill my time when hes in the shop. I still have a long way to go but Im learning with Gods help.

  132. Thank you for this article its realy revelent my husband is obsessive about building things. I used to realy resent the time and money he spent on his projects. he is a mr visionary and can realy get lost in a project. last winter he built a truck so we could take it to mexico for a vacation and then he spent the whole vacation looking for better parts for his truck. i was a bit frustrated stuck in a country with a language i dont understand and an 8 month old baby but as a result of that i got interested in sewing which lead to my current hobby of quilting which i now use to fill my time when hes in the shop. I still have a long way to go but Im learning with Gods help.

  133. My husband's obsession is deer hunting. When he gets his deer, I go out comment on what a nice deer and help him clean it. Yes, it can get a bit old when he says, "Hun, I need up at 4:30", as the season nears its end. But I get up at 4 make his coffee and wake him at the time he requests. If he doesn't see anything for the weekend, he will complain on how he is tired of deer hunting and he isn't going again but the next weekend it is the same 4:30. And I know this so I have the alarm clock ready before he asks.
    I realize after all these years he needs to do this to unwind from the work he does.

  134. My husband's obsession is deer hunting. When he gets his deer, I go out comment on what a nice deer and help him clean it. Yes, it can get a bit old when he says, "Hun, I need up at 4:30", as the season nears its end. But I get up at 4 make his coffee and wake him at the time he requests. If he doesn't see anything for the weekend, he will complain on how he is tired of deer hunting and he isn't going again but the next weekend it is the same 4:30. And I know this so I have the alarm clock ready before he asks.
    I realize after all these years he needs to do this to unwind from the work he does.

  135. My husband has been obsessed with many things over the years. Last spring, after we brought our little daughter home from China, and sent our first off to college, he became very, very angry. I suffered and complained, fought and cried for many months. I read your book over and over again. But I struggled to apply it without being a martyr. Finally, through a good Christian counselor's help, I realized that I really had to give up on any "spiritual" activities and/or the hope of adopting another orphan in the future. Once I gave in to this and really encouraged him to pursue his ideas, he became a lot happier. But then the obsessions really took off. He loves the beach and he LOVES to ski. Everyday. In -5 degree weather. Everyday, he calls and tells me to have the children ready. It makes lots of laundry and somedays he takes the children when it is frostbite weather. But I have learned from your book, just do it. So I try my best to get everything ready for his trips and to do it cheerfully, ignoring the things that are left undone. And then he leaves with a son or two on his quest for speed. I have learned to love this time I have alone with my beautiful little baby girl. She is so wonderful and God has so blessed me. I have also taken up blogging. My 15 year old has type 1 diabetes and I have discovered an entire community of bloggers. I am hoping at some point to reach them for Christ, but for right now I am just enjoying the writing process and connecting with other moms who understand the difficulties of parenting a child with this wretched disease. Thank you so much for your website and your book. I think it may have saved my marriage and my sanity.

  136. My husband has been obsessed with many things over the years. Last spring, after we brought our little daughter home from China, and sent our first off to college, he became very, very angry. I suffered and complained, fought and cried for many months. I read your book over and over again. But I struggled to apply it without being a martyr. Finally, through a good Christian counselor's help, I realized that I really had to give up on any "spiritual" activities and/or the hope of adopting another orphan in the future. Once I gave in to this and really encouraged him to pursue his ideas, he became a lot happier. But then the obsessions really took off. He loves the beach and he LOVES to ski. Everyday. In -5 degree weather. Everyday, he calls and tells me to have the children ready. It makes lots of laundry and somedays he takes the children when it is frostbite weather. But I have learned from your book, just do it. So I try my best to get everything ready for his trips and to do it cheerfully, ignoring the things that are left undone. And then he leaves with a son or two on his quest for speed. I have learned to love this time I have alone with my beautiful little baby girl. She is so wonderful and God has so blessed me. I have also taken up blogging. My 15 year old has type 1 diabetes and I have discovered an entire community of bloggers. I am hoping at some point to reach them for Christ, but for right now I am just enjoying the writing process and connecting with other moms who understand the difficulties of parenting a child with this wretched disease. Thank you so much for your website and your book. I think it may have saved my marriage and my sanity.

  137. First to anonymous-
    Do you have a trusted Christian couple or pastor and his wife, or perhaps a Christian counselor to talk with, and help direct you and your husband into a more godly situation. This is not your fault. And not every woman who responds respectfully, sweetly, and joyfully is assured a changed husband. Sometimes one must emotionally detach from the situation, and " continue with what you need to do for yourself and your children. I don't necessarily mean to separate, but to separate your emotions so that you are not becoming the obsessive one. It's God's job to do the changing. But he has also given us the Church to help us. Don't be afraid of seeking help, and don't let anyone make you feel that this is somehow your fault.

    I've been married 40 years, and for the most part my husband has always sought to be gainfully employed, knowing that it was part of his job as the head of the home to sacrificially do what it takes to earn a living for a large family. But, I do remember those early years of him seemingly going from one (often dropped) project to the next. I learned to double or triple the time he estimated it would take to be done with whatever he was working on. That way I didn't feel let down or disappointed. I also believe there is a lot to be said about having relationships with other women and mothers so that we don't try to get all of those social needs met through our husbands. I can say this in hindsight. I didn't get a lot of regular fellowship with women when I was a younger mother. I think my whole family would have benefitted from me "getting out more". I haven't read the book, so I don't know what kind of Mr."____" my husband is. I do know that Ephesians gives him a pretty hefty job description, to love me as Christ loved the Church. That's a pretty tall order; I'm glad our orders aren't quite so daunting. Submit to our husbands in a way that we are all doing anyway (submitting to one another). Also, we are to respect them. The older women are to train the younger to love (phileo); that's the friendly, affectionate kind, not the agape (giving ourselves up and willing to die for love that Christ requires of our husbands). In conclusion, I feel that it is important to cultivate an attitude of having "joy in the Lord", to cherish or relationship with the Lord above everything, because He is our Everything. Our husbands, or children, are not to be our idols. Somehow, it all seems to fall into place when our eyes are fixed where they should be, on Jesus

  138. First to anonymous-
    Do you have a trusted Christian couple or pastor and his wife, or perhaps a Christian counselor to talk with, and help direct you and your husband into a more godly situation. This is not your fault. And not every woman who responds respectfully, sweetly, and joyfully is assured a changed husband. Sometimes one must emotionally detach from the situation, and " continue with what you need to do for yourself and your children. I don't necessarily mean to separate, but to separate your emotions so that you are not becoming the obsessive one. It's God's job to do the changing. But he has also given us the Church to help us. Don't be afraid of seeking help, and don't let anyone make you feel that this is somehow your fault.

    I've been married 40 years, and for the most part my husband has always sought to be gainfully employed, knowing that it was part of his job as the head of the home to sacrificially do what it takes to earn a living for a large family. But, I do remember those early years of him seemingly going from one (often dropped) project to the next. I learned to double or triple the time he estimated it would take to be done with whatever he was working on. That way I didn't feel let down or disappointed. I also believe there is a lot to be said about having relationships with other women and mothers so that we don't try to get all of those social needs met through our husbands. I can say this in hindsight. I didn't get a lot of regular fellowship with women when I was a younger mother. I think my whole family would have benefitted from me "getting out more". I haven't read the book, so I don't know what kind of Mr."____" my husband is. I do know that Ephesians gives him a pretty hefty job description, to love me as Christ loved the Church. That's a pretty tall order; I'm glad our orders aren't quite so daunting. Submit to our husbands in a way that we are all doing anyway (submitting to one another). Also, we are to respect them. The older women are to train the younger to love (phileo); that's the friendly, affectionate kind, not the agape (giving ourselves up and willing to die for love that Christ requires of our husbands). In conclusion, I feel that it is important to cultivate an attitude of having "joy in the Lord", to cherish or relationship with the Lord above everything, because He is our Everything. Our husbands, or children, are not to be our idols. Somehow, it all seems to fall into place when our eyes are fixed where they should be, on Jesus

  139. im am thankful for this article too! It's good to know im not alone. Like "-C-" and i think another lady, my husband obsesses with computer games! He has explained to me that it helps him to relax after a long day. We have a 22 month old and I would always get mad at him and ask when I could have my break from my long day! If I ever interrupted his game or nagged him to get off so he could do "___" for me he would just get more angry and violent in the way he spoke to me. I am a very meek christian lady usually....I say that my husband made me into this angry bitter women, sometimes. But, by the grace of God(and good advice from older women like you) I have learned to sit back and pray about it...and out of my prayer I have become content to suck it up and do the things around the house that need to be done, and just wait till he's ready to end his game playing. And recently he has noticed more often when I do his "chores" because he was on the computer that whole time or when our daughter does something funny and he missed out on it. Im not the type to take up hobbies...nor do I think I have time anyway, but this is what I have decided to do about my "situation". Some days are harder than others but those are the days when I have to remind myself to rely on God's strength and not my own.

  140. im am thankful for this article too! It's good to know im not alone. Like "-C-" and i think another lady, my husband obsesses with computer games! He has explained to me that it helps him to relax after a long day. We have a 22 month old and I would always get mad at him and ask when I could have my break from my long day! If I ever interrupted his game or nagged him to get off so he could do "___" for me he would just get more angry and violent in the way he spoke to me. I am a very meek christian lady usually....I say that my husband made me into this angry bitter women, sometimes. But, by the grace of God(and good advice from older women like you) I have learned to sit back and pray about it...and out of my prayer I have become content to suck it up and do the things around the house that need to be done, and just wait till he's ready to end his game playing. And recently he has noticed more often when I do his "chores" because he was on the computer that whole time or when our daughter does something funny and he missed out on it. Im not the type to take up hobbies...nor do I think I have time anyway, but this is what I have decided to do about my "situation". Some days are harder than others but those are the days when I have to remind myself to rely on God's strength and not my own.

  141. My wonderful, totally visionary husband of 16 years jumps from one obsession to another. I have dealt with it in two ways. First, I began building a family. We have 11 children, whom I could not imagine being without for even a minute. They are my obsession and my husband's delight. We have many hobbies we do together when we are not pre-occupied with Dad's projects. The kids and I have learned how to do whatever his latest adventure is. We have learned hydroponics, building, solar energy, farming, raising animals, driving tractors, fixing old junky cars and tractors, and much more. We call his obsessions "Daddy Adventures" and the kids love to come home after an outing with Dad and show me the newest, latest, greatest thing we are all about to embark on. Our yard is full of junk, our barn (and house) is bursting at the seams with half finished projects, but I have always told my kids nothing is more fun than a "Daddy Adventure". Sometimes, work is his latest vision, then he is gone many hours a day. During those times the kids and I create visions of our own.
    I used to get upset and disgusted by the half finished projects, now I am learning how to be the finisher of projects quietly, after the fun has died down and everybody has moved on to greener pastures.
    A wife can be bitter or better. I choose to grow into what my husband needs, a cheerleader and fan club for his amazing, all or nothing visionary personality.

  142. My wonderful, totally visionary husband of 16 years jumps from one obsession to another. I have dealt with it in two ways. First, I began building a family. We have 11 children, whom I could not imagine being without for even a minute. They are my obsession and my husband's delight. We have many hobbies we do together when we are not pre-occupied with Dad's projects. The kids and I have learned how to do whatever his latest adventure is. We have learned hydroponics, building, solar energy, farming, raising animals, driving tractors, fixing old junky cars and tractors, and much more. We call his obsessions "Daddy Adventures" and the kids love to come home after an outing with Dad and show me the newest, latest, greatest thing we are all about to embark on. Our yard is full of junk, our barn (and house) is bursting at the seams with half finished projects, but I have always told my kids nothing is more fun than a "Daddy Adventure". Sometimes, work is his latest vision, then he is gone many hours a day. During those times the kids and I create visions of our own.
    I used to get upset and disgusted by the half finished projects, now I am learning how to be the finisher of projects quietly, after the fun has died down and everybody has moved on to greener pastures.
    A wife can be bitter or better. I choose to grow into what my husband needs, a cheerleader and fan club for his amazing, all or nothing visionary personality.

  143. Dear Debi,

    I thank God for your ministry and your obedience to teach younger women. What a blessing you have been! Thank you for inviting us to share what we have learned about our husband

  144. Dear Debi,

    I thank God for your ministry and your obedience to teach younger women. What a blessing you have been! Thank you for inviting us to share what we have learned about our husband

  145. Dear Debi,

    I've been married just over two months now, and am so grateful for you sharing words of wisdom. On our honeymoon, I ran right smack into my Mr. Steady's obsession. Video game. Just one video game (he is a Mr. Steady), but still, I had a couple nights of pouty pity me why-is-he-playing-a-game-on-our-honeymoon? And then I realized if I didn't get hold of my condemning attitude toward him, this marriage would not be very pleasant while it lasted - if it did. So, I began to do two things. I involved myself cheerfully in other projects around the house, and I joined him. Yep, that's right, now I play with him. I remembered what Debi said about being his playmate - and I wanted to be his best friend and playmate so badly. So, now, we play together right after dinner for an hour or so (yes, before the dishes are done - I've discovered it is not a sin to leave dishes undone while you are spending joyful time with your husband), and then he usually helps me with the dishes. The game helps him destress from long hours at a stressful job, and playing it together makes it more fun for both of us. Somedays I don't feel like playing, but I just cheerfully do something else and wait for him to finish destressing. It also helps to know that since updates to the game come on a certain night of the week, I should plan for that to be a longer evening of play - maybe get a few special snacks together for us to share. He appreciates that I don't get upset now when he plays, and enjoys that he either has a happy wife busy about other life things, or a happy wife playing with him. We never played video games in the home I grew up in, so it was hard to get over being judgmental about "time wasted" ... until it hit me that the only person choosing to waste time was me. By sulking, I was choosing to waste the time given me to be joyful, to be productive, to revel in a hardworking husband who at the end of a long day loves to have his wife at his side in a game that he enjoys. As the old saying says, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." Personally, I recommend the joining.

  146. Dear Debi,

    I've been married just over two months now, and am so grateful for you sharing words of wisdom. On our honeymoon, I ran right smack into my Mr. Steady's obsession. Video game. Just one video game (he is a Mr. Steady), but still, I had a couple nights of pouty pity me why-is-he-playing-a-game-on-our-honeymoon? And then I realized if I didn't get hold of my condemning attitude toward him, this marriage would not be very pleasant while it lasted - if it did. So, I began to do two things. I involved myself cheerfully in other projects around the house, and I joined him. Yep, that's right, now I play with him. I remembered what Debi said about being his playmate - and I wanted to be his best friend and playmate so badly. So, now, we play together right after dinner for an hour or so (yes, before the dishes are done - I've discovered it is not a sin to leave dishes undone while you are spending joyful time with your husband), and then he usually helps me with the dishes. The game helps him destress from long hours at a stressful job, and playing it together makes it more fun for both of us. Somedays I don't feel like playing, but I just cheerfully do something else and wait for him to finish destressing. It also helps to know that since updates to the game come on a certain night of the week, I should plan for that to be a longer evening of play - maybe get a few special snacks together for us to share. He appreciates that I don't get upset now when he plays, and enjoys that he either has a happy wife busy about other life things, or a happy wife playing with him. We never played video games in the home I grew up in, so it was hard to get over being judgmental about "time wasted" ... until it hit me that the only person choosing to waste time was me. By sulking, I was choosing to waste the time given me to be joyful, to be productive, to revel in a hardworking husband who at the end of a long day loves to have his wife at his side in a game that he enjoys. As the old saying says, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." Personally, I recommend the joining.

  147. I have a husband that was obsessed with soccer. I was annoyed because he spent all this time watching it, then playing it. Then I found out these young college girls were on the team. I was even more annoyed. He was no spring chicken this seemed so unfair me at home with kids and him off having fun EVERY WEEKEND!
    However, a good friend said trust God to work in your husband. I prayed and stayed quiet, loved him through this phase as I figured. As it happens God was using soccer to bring new male mentors into my husbands life. My husband got a vision of creating soccer as a means of ministering to the youth in our area, basically taking a sport and God's word and developing relationships with these boys as they grew to be men. That was years ago and God's used my husband in our community and as a result we met a local church and now over half of our folks that attend as new members of our church have heard of it through soccer. What I felt was my husband's selfish man obsession, turned out to be a ministry that God would put him in to fulfill spreading God's love. Um..hello what a gracious God to help me heart and mind trust him with HIS vision for my husband's life...not mine.

  148. I have a husband that was obsessed with soccer. I was annoyed because he spent all this time watching it, then playing it. Then I found out these young college girls were on the team. I was even more annoyed. He was no spring chicken this seemed so unfair me at home with kids and him off having fun EVERY WEEKEND!
    However, a good friend said trust God to work in your husband. I prayed and stayed quiet, loved him through this phase as I figured. As it happens God was using soccer to bring new male mentors into my husbands life. My husband got a vision of creating soccer as a means of ministering to the youth in our area, basically taking a sport and God's word and developing relationships with these boys as they grew to be men. That was years ago and God's used my husband in our community and as a result we met a local church and now over half of our folks that attend as new members of our church have heard of it through soccer. What I felt was my husband's selfish man obsession, turned out to be a ministry that God would put him in to fulfill spreading God's love. Um..hello what a gracious God to help me heart and mind trust him with HIS vision for my husband's life...not mine.

  149. Too funny! I also take the can't beat em, join em approach. I find myself getting interested in and even excited about what my hubby is doing. His hobbies have ranged from video games to computers to craftsmanship. On the rare occasion I really just cannot bring myself to enjoy his hobby at that moment, I work on my own projects...usually quilting, knitting, or playing a game with the kids. And even then we are both excited for one anothers projects. I wouldn't want to imagine dogging him for something he loves to do. I am excited just to see him enjoying himself so much! It is good for men to have something they love to do, and it is not our job as wives to determine what that something is. Be happy to share in your man's experiences, and he will enjoy having you as his helper!

  150. Too funny! I also take the can't beat em, join em approach. I find myself getting interested in and even excited about what my hubby is doing. His hobbies have ranged from video games to computers to craftsmanship. On the rare occasion I really just cannot bring myself to enjoy his hobby at that moment, I work on my own projects...usually quilting, knitting, or playing a game with the kids. And even then we are both excited for one anothers projects. I wouldn't want to imagine dogging him for something he loves to do. I am excited just to see him enjoying himself so much! It is good for men to have something they love to do, and it is not our job as wives to determine what that something is. Be happy to share in your man's experiences, and he will enjoy having you as his helper!

  151. It's so interesting to not only read the article but also read through the comments. We as women have such an awesome calling don't we?

    I think that we have to be careful a bit in what we "support" and what we have a heart to heart talk about.

    A man is called to provide for his family, love his wife as Christ loves the church, to be involved with his children, and to be a man of integrity and loyalty. I believe it is wonderful to have a husband that is passionate about something. Be it music (in my case), or the Lakers (in my case) 🙂 But, there comes a time when these passions or obsessions conflict with the calling to be the very things that God has called them to be. Does that mean that we don't love and support our husbands? I think not. I think we expect our husbands to read our minds, to see when we are lacking or overwhelmed or feel lonely. And we have an obligation to help our husbands maintain strong relationships with their children. We are "helpmeets", we help them not only meet the vision of the family but also meet the vision of who God has called them to become (great dads and hubbys!)

    Sometimes, it takes years of finding out how to communicate our needs effectively to see a change (not nagging them to death). I remember when my husband would have studio session after studio session. He would leave early and come home late and we were newly married and he had brought me to a state I wasn't familiar with and didn't have friends. I was very sad and felt like he married me so that when he decided to "hang out" I would be sitting there waiting. The attacks by the enemy were real became more and more frequent. I spent most of my time fighting the thoughts of the enemy. What kind of existence is that?

    After learning how to communicate we put date nights on the calendar and carved out special family time. He actually looked forward to knowing that he had a "date" with his wife! He started to remind me about our date night!

    God calls us to become one! And for some of us that have had the pleasure of fighting for oneness it's so worth the battle. Having a relationship where you are like ships passing in the night is not the pursuit of oneness. Being overlooked by video games, hobbies, work or whatever isn't oneness. It's something that takes sacrifice by both parties, it's something that is a buried treasure that you have to commit to finding. Ladies, sometimes when our hubbies are buried in their work, you gotta put on something cute, grab them around the neck and say, "Sweetie, I need you right now!" I'm sure he'll be happy to oblige. And there are times when our little ones need their daddy's not just seeing their mommy's do all they can to "keep them out of the way".

    So, it's a constant journey that we should never tire of, but God has something great for wives, as well, it's really not just a mans world (or else he wouldn't have created Eve...lol)

  152. It's so interesting to not only read the article but also read through the comments. We as women have such an awesome calling don't we?

    I think that we have to be careful a bit in what we "support" and what we have a heart to heart talk about.

    A man is called to provide for his family, love his wife as Christ loves the church, to be involved with his children, and to be a man of integrity and loyalty. I believe it is wonderful to have a husband that is passionate about something. Be it music (in my case), or the Lakers (in my case) 🙂 But, there comes a time when these passions or obsessions conflict with the calling to be the very things that God has called them to be. Does that mean that we don't love and support our husbands? I think not. I think we expect our husbands to read our minds, to see when we are lacking or overwhelmed or feel lonely. And we have an obligation to help our husbands maintain strong relationships with their children. We are "helpmeets", we help them not only meet the vision of the family but also meet the vision of who God has called them to become (great dads and hubbys!)

    Sometimes, it takes years of finding out how to communicate our needs effectively to see a change (not nagging them to death). I remember when my husband would have studio session after studio session. He would leave early and come home late and we were newly married and he had brought me to a state I wasn't familiar with and didn't have friends. I was very sad and felt like he married me so that when he decided to "hang out" I would be sitting there waiting. The attacks by the enemy were real became more and more frequent. I spent most of my time fighting the thoughts of the enemy. What kind of existence is that?

    After learning how to communicate we put date nights on the calendar and carved out special family time. He actually looked forward to knowing that he had a "date" with his wife! He started to remind me about our date night!

    God calls us to become one! And for some of us that have had the pleasure of fighting for oneness it's so worth the battle. Having a relationship where you are like ships passing in the night is not the pursuit of oneness. Being overlooked by video games, hobbies, work or whatever isn't oneness. It's something that takes sacrifice by both parties, it's something that is a buried treasure that you have to commit to finding. Ladies, sometimes when our hubbies are buried in their work, you gotta put on something cute, grab them around the neck and say, "Sweetie, I need you right now!" I'm sure he'll be happy to oblige. And there are times when our little ones need their daddy's not just seeing their mommy's do all they can to "keep them out of the way".

    So, it's a constant journey that we should never tire of, but God has something great for wives, as well, it's really not just a mans world (or else he wouldn't have created Eve...lol)

  153. I enjoyed Debi's article. It also reminded me of my husband. Somethings I have learned during our over 20 years of marriage about his obsessions:
    1. Be thankful that something interests your man. His obsessions often challenge him, keep him excited about life, give him something to do and look forward to, and utilize his talents and abilities.
    2. Realize that his obsessions may be great for the family or give him something to do with the kids. One thing my husband likes to do is build and fix things. The family benefits when he builds a fence, rose arbors for the garden, a swinging bench, or an office/retreat for me. (That last one really benefited me.) As he builds, our son learns about hammering and cutting and such and can help him. What precious time for them to spend together.
    3. Join him in his obsession. When we fist got married I didn't know much about fixing or building. Now because he likes me to join him and help him, I can repair a toilet better than he can, stud a wall, and mud sheetrock. Doing projects together gives us goals to work on and something to discuss.
    4. Spend time with them or near them as they work on their obsession. Guys love it when we hang out with them--they feel like we are bonding. So if my husband is going to do some electrical work (something I don't help with), or mow the lawn, he often asks me to come sit and spend time with him. It's funny, but as long as I'm outside where he can see me as he mows (this could be weeding, playing catch with the children, or talking to the neighbor) he feels we are spending time together because I am in the vacinity.
    5. Pursue your own interests. Paint the house, knit, sew, go biking, ride horses, take classes, or volunteer when he gets busy with something you can't join him in. This will keep you busy and interesting and excited about life. And who knows, he may join you in one of your interests. And your kids can join you in some of your interests. I end up getting a lot accomplished and spending a lot of time with my kids when my husband is obsessed with something only he can do.
    6.Use this time he is fills with his obsessions to spend time with the kids. Read to them, play board games, cook, ride bikes, go for a hike, build blanket forts, or put on a play. Your husband will enjoy seeing you spend time with the kids and may sometimes join you. And your kids will love the memories you are making with them and not notice dad's absence so much.

  154. I enjoyed Debi's article. It also reminded me of my husband. Somethings I have learned during our over 20 years of marriage about his obsessions:
    1. Be thankful that something interests your man. His obsessions often challenge him, keep him excited about life, give him something to do and look forward to, and utilize his talents and abilities.
    2. Realize that his obsessions may be great for the family or give him something to do with the kids. One thing my husband likes to do is build and fix things. The family benefits when he builds a fence, rose arbors for the garden, a swinging bench, or an office/retreat for me. (That last one really benefited me.) As he builds, our son learns about hammering and cutting and such and can help him. What precious time for them to spend together.
    3. Join him in his obsession. When we fist got married I didn't know much about fixing or building. Now because he likes me to join him and help him, I can repair a toilet better than he can, stud a wall, and mud sheetrock. Doing projects together gives us goals to work on and something to discuss.
    4. Spend time with them or near them as they work on their obsession. Guys love it when we hang out with them--they feel like we are bonding. So if my husband is going to do some electrical work (something I don't help with), or mow the lawn, he often asks me to come sit and spend time with him. It's funny, but as long as I'm outside where he can see me as he mows (this could be weeding, playing catch with the children, or talking to the neighbor) he feels we are spending time together because I am in the vacinity.
    5. Pursue your own interests. Paint the house, knit, sew, go biking, ride horses, take classes, or volunteer when he gets busy with something you can't join him in. This will keep you busy and interesting and excited about life. And who knows, he may join you in one of your interests. And your kids can join you in some of your interests. I end up getting a lot accomplished and spending a lot of time with my kids when my husband is obsessed with something only he can do.
    6.Use this time he is fills with his obsessions to spend time with the kids. Read to them, play board games, cook, ride bikes, go for a hike, build blanket forts, or put on a play. Your husband will enjoy seeing you spend time with the kids and may sometimes join you. And your kids will love the memories you are making with them and not notice dad's absence so much.

  155. As a man, I will tell you the best thing you can do is take up your husbands obsession with him. If he hunts, hunt. If he plays golf, play golf. Whatever he does, do it with him. It will make you both happy.

  156. As a man, I will tell you the best thing you can do is take up your husbands obsession with him. If he hunts, hunt. If he plays golf, play golf. Whatever he does, do it with him. It will make you both happy.

  157. I was looking for help for my husband when he is tired and worn out 🙂 but found encouragement for myself for all the things that get him to the point of exhaustion. Where was this article 32 years ago when I was young!! Thank you Debi.

    I hope it is alright to leave a link to your article on my blog?! I would suppose so because there were ways to make it easy to share,download, and link to my blogger site. Thanks so much...you inspire me!!

  158. I was looking for help for my husband when he is tired and worn out 🙂 but found encouragement for myself for all the things that get him to the point of exhaustion. Where was this article 32 years ago when I was young!! Thank you Debi.

    I hope it is alright to leave a link to your article on my blog?! I would suppose so because there were ways to make it easy to share,download, and link to my blogger site. Thanks so much...you inspire me!!

  159. My husband has a new found obsession, running! He thinks about it all day, when he gets home he researches new equipment or watches videos about running, or he goes running for hours at a time. He wants to get sponsored and compete in races. Years ago he was already a professional BMX rider. So he conquered one sport and is moving onto another hehe So what do I do to cope? I have me a nice pair of running shoes and we go on nice relaxing runs together. We get to talk for an hour or two straight, it is wonderful! Debi, this made me laugh hysterically: "He never spoke as he handed me six or eight stiff carcasses. I knew by the motioning of his head he meant for me to do something proper with them." My husband does this stuff all the time, and if I don't catch on fast enough or look at him in confusion he gets all impatient! Men are so funny, I love your stories they show how normal my silly husband really is.

  160. We have been married 19 years. As my husband would say, "You knew I was a hunter when we got married." But what I didn't know was that the 2 weeks of hunting he did when we were first married would turn into a year round obsession. I have felt everyone of these feelings and more. I have cried, prayed, yelled, complained, manoeuvred myself in every direction trying to force myself to grin and bare it, but every year it ends up being the same. Oh some years are better then others, some years I find what works for me and other years I don't. But one thing I do know is that in the end, know matter what my husband is doing or not doing, it is up to me what my attitude is going to be. NOT HAVING A PITY PARTY is the key to dealing with my husbands obsession.

  161. This was such a funny article to me. I'm newly married (Sept. 3, 2011). My husband and I did all long distance, so finally living with and being around each other has been quite a surprise for both of us. I know it's only been 7 short months, but about 2 or so months ago I started realizing the obsessions. I guess I realized it before, but not I really started thinking about it. Whenever he'd have some new idea I used to feel it was always necessary to put my input in too, not doing it because I thought I was awesome...it was just something I did. Well, every time I would interrupt one of his obesession thoughts I started seeing him getting frustrated. Then I felt annoyed and sad that he didn't care about my feelings or ideas!! I'm smiling right now as i'm writing. I've been reading the "Created to be his Help Meet" book so my reactions, while not right or good at the time, are typical for women in today's society. Anyway, it seemed like every week he'd have a new obsession. First, politics, healthy eating, buying a new car, fixing the house, buying a boat, no, not a boat, a jet ski, playing a video game....the list goes on. I was SOOO confused. I wanted to be his support but I had no idea how to support him b/c he kept jumping all over the place. Well, I am absolutely nowhere near perfect, but I began realizing he just wanted me to be excited with him. We spent 8 hours straight one day looking for a clean used SUV for him. We had a BLAST! And the next day we drove 5 1/2 hours one way and back just to get it. I'll sometimes sit outside and read while he's working on his cars. He doesn't necessarily want me asking a million questions, but every now and then he'll ask my help. He's said this to me many times, and i have to admit it still kind of hits a sore spot and i get frustrated, but he tells me that I talk too much. Sometimes he just wants to talk. Sometimes he doesn't want or need my opinion. He doesn't need me to try to explain to him what i've done all day for him while he's at work. He loves it when I rub his back and don't say anything at all. I think women in today's society would think it's not fair that their husbands aren't respecting them or caring about them, but wow have my eyes been opened to what GOD calls me to be for my husband. Just writing this makes me think about how much I love my man. It's not easy. I would say these 7 months have been more hard than good, but God is faithful. I don't want to be a stubborn woman who thinks she's perfect and that it's her man that needs to change (I think i sort of had that mindset when we got married). I want to be opened to God working in my life and humbling me, and boyyyyy has He been teaching me humility. So enjoy your man. You know have to be all knowing about his obsessions, but He just wants you to be excited with him and genuinely excited....not that sarcastic smirk excited.

  162. My husband's obsession... profressional drag racing. It's scarey, expencive and so time consuming. But it's exciting, and one day my now small boys will might find it exciting too. Hopefully more exciting than the world anyway.

  163. Thanks for this artical it made me laugh so hard! I laughed because I could relate so well to it. I have only been married for a little over 2 years so I am just at the point where I have found my cozy spot while my husband obsesses. My husband has a hundred hobbies but his favorite one is ford. When my husband obsesses I listen to his big ideas (he is a visionary) with delight. I go with him to different car shows that he has wanted to go to and although I didn't know much about cars I am getting to a point where I can make more statements about the than just that is a pretty color. And lastly I also enjoy studying and creating so I enjoy doing that while my husband obsesses. And for all you ladies who are just worn out of his obsession and want him to obsess over you for just five min. You can try my trick. Dress up in one sexy outfit and have fun flirting with him! He will prob get the hint But if he is still distracted don't get mad just try agian later.

  164. This was an excellent read, by the way. I also, dare I say, have a husband that can think many hours and do many hours on his hobby and watch his sports team(s) longer than I can understand. How, after 17 years of marriage can I handle such acts? Well, when we were first married, I tried to guilt (didn't work), then I talked to him about how unloved I felt (worked temporarily because he does love me and "tried to make it right", even though he had no clue what he had done wrong.) After many tries of manipulation, I found a true solution...
    Prayer, Support and Involvement.

    WITH MUCH PRAYER, MUCH COMPLAINING TO OUR LORD, He taught me to have peace in the life He has so abundantly blessed. I love my marriage and think he is adorable when it's first Saturday of hunting season. He has gotten our boys involved now and has told me that his reason is memories of his dad spending time with him hunting. The obsession was more precious to me now that I understood his heart, but there was no way I would understand his heart until I changed mine.

    First, I bought a shirt with his sports team on it and asked if we could budget a trip to watch it live. (we did!)
    Second, I started going outside with him (plenty of bug spray) and cheered him on as he practiced either his bow or gun.
    There are many other small things that mean so much to him now. Instead of me huffing and puffing on the sideline, I'm now cheering him on.
    That's what worked for me. (Not to mention, I paint while he's gone!)
    Truly hope this helped in some way 🙂

  165. My husband loves to make things; be it airsoft masks, homemade toy tops, walking sticks or other handmade items. He get obsessed with it to the point where he makes so many of one item he's not sure what to do with them all. lol

    Over the years I have found that helping him has helped me understand him but there are somethings that I have no interest in helping him with or that there is nothing for me to help him with so what do I do? I choose to be near him during those times. What I mean is if he is outside peeling a stick I take my book and sit outside with him. If he is filing a top he comes in the living room to file so I can watch my show or be on the computer in the same room as he is in.

    We may not be doing the same things but we can have a conversation with each other, be physically near each other, see each other while he is obsessing. I love this time together as it helps us feel a part of each others' tasks or obsessions. Yes, women also have obsessions too. Have you seen women scrapbook or quilt? If so you know what I mean. lol Being near each other (or even helping each other) helps us make those connections so desperately needed in marriages. It also helps us feel needed by the other person and (as wives) it helps fulfill our need to help.

    My husband and I have been married for 20 years now so over the years we have learned some of what works and some of what doesn't. I urge women to try to find a way to be physically near their man. If they can't participate in their man's obsession can they help in anyway? Maybe you could help your hubby get his gear together for the next sporting even or hunting exhibition. Maybe you could sit outside with him while he works on his car. Maybe you could go to the gym with him when he works out. I find being near my hubby has helped us both feel better in our marriage. I bet you will too. 🙂

  166. I can't give a good answer-- but I think for some of us it will be good to know it's "normal" LOL ... my husband metal detects-- any good ideas for me?

    1. Hi Jennifer, I totally get how maddening obsessions can be, the only advice I can give you is "join him", at least in being excited about his finds...otherwise the time (and money) he spends with his obsession will only make you resentful and angry. That will come out in your thoughts, attitude, then words towards him and about him. I have bad-mouthed my husband to my family, friends, and been very negative towards him. Well, my attitude quickly changed when he made us a lot of money off one of his sales, thankfully he listened to me about not "re-investing the money" and paid a lot of bills off-what a great feeling! Unfortunately the damage has been done and my family and close friends think he is a baphoon. I always accomplish so much more with the spirit God calls me to have towards him, than my irritated, critical spirit. Thank God for your husband daily and even if it hurts to think hard and make yourself think of things you are grateful for, try. I wasted a lot of time thinking of the opposite and going nowhere. God bless you sister, I understand.

  167. Whoop whoop! My husband has over 100cars on our 2 acre ranch, with two budding mechanics, a redheaded wife and a gypsy home (connex) with a cozy woodstove! I just love to be with my man, but sometimes I feel like Leah, and the cars are "Rachel"!!! Haha! Before I read Created to be His Helpmeet, I was quite angry with my man. The Lord and his holy Bible have really given me peace, to love my man! Amen! So now though I still have to share my husband, at least he races home to me at 2am with transmission fluid in his hair, to tell me his latest adventure or invention! Thats where my lovin begins! And off in the morn with a lunch and a kiss! If any man minister, let him do it as of the ability which God giveth: that God in all things may be glorified through Jesus Christ,,,,,,1Peter4:11 My husband is an amazing mechanic, machinist(by trade), mason (since his youth) and a Mazda racing Man! He always stops to help all kinds of folks, so I call it his ministry to the Lord! He has a full time mission!!!! The Lord has blessed me with odd jobs cleaning, even toilets! 🙂 I mostly take care of the kiddos, and do every possible tasks by hand. 1thes4:11 Living frugal, hauling water, handwashing laundry, sewing, cleaning, taking the kids fishing and sledding etc. And when daddy gets home we stop everything and run to him!

  168. I appreciate your article! The honest and even humorous way you looked at this issue was actually pretty refreshing. This past year I was able to look at my husband's obsessions in a whole new light. He got back from a deployment in Afghanistan and I realized his obsessions helped him to focus his thoughts on something other than the terrible things he went through/saw there. God has helped me to "back off" him and give him space and that allowed him to make some really good decisions where our finances our concerned. All the time to me seemed like he was recklessly spending money, he ended up selling the car he was working on and paying off all our debt. Praising his work and his efforts worked so much better t

  169. My wife remedy for the video game obsession, which is present in my man after summer stockcar racing obsession, fall highschool wrestling coach obsession! 🙂 I rub his feet! Which for me has the desired effect of a therapy ball! We do not have TV but we have the latest xbox with all the gadgets. Rubbing his feet keeps me happy till I fall asleep, and he continues. But sometimes he remembers his sweet lady,,,,and turns that noisy war contraption off!!!! haha And I get to love my sweet man;) Peace to all the wives who obsess about their obsessed men! <3

  170. I am suffering through this right now and am desperate to change. We are a young married couple in our early 30's. We have small children. I stay home and he works. His obsession is his garden
    It's massive. He grows giant pumpkins (1500 lbs) for competition. A lot goes into it. He's outside a lot. More than what I like. He nurtures it and does all he can to make them grow. It hurts me because I feel very neglected and unimportant. I admit that I nag and complain. I am really trying to stop. But in the heat of the moment my emotions take over. I tried joining in, but Satan just tells me that if he wanted to spend time with me, I wouldn't have to be going to him, he'd come to me. I feel very alone and unwanted. I'd love some advice from older married ladies.
    I've expressed my feeling to him and he simply says "that's not the case", and apparently I'm supposed to accept that response.

  171. My wonderful hubby has definitely got an obsession, but it's one of those "good" obsessions-- studying the Bible and writing Bible articles/sermons. He is a minister, and holds regular office hours, but if he is in the middle of writing an article or in the middle of a deep Bible study, (or chatting on the phone about said Bible study to several of his close companions---and who said us women talk more than men? In our relationship, my husband definitely got the gift of gab!) you can forget about him being home for dinner. I still struggle with interrupting him for anything during these times (after all, his obsession is with the word of God! That is MUCH more important than silly old me!) We were married only a year ago, and in the first few months of our marriage, the fact that he would not come home on time for dinner would hurt my feelings. Instead of seeing his work as important, I read into his actions that he simply did not care enough about me to come home for dinner or did not want to be with me at all. Of course, this was SO foolish!! He loves me so much and I love him, and now I understand that he is a visionary and is driven by his passion for the Lord and to serve others in his work. And he wants ME to be a part of it. Sometimes I feel guilty for not wanting to discuss Bible topics (even that gets old when you've heard the same points about the same topic for 2-3 weeks straight). For example, tonight he has spent 4 hours (on a Saturday night, his supposed "off" day) studying and working on an article and reading it to me over and over and OVER, and for the past 45 minutes, he practiced preaching a new sermon to me, apart from other hours of Bible study he has done today. Does it get a little annoying sometimes? I would be a liar if I said no. But I've come to realize he does those things because he is driven by that purpose, (I'm thankful it's a good purpose) and he talks my ears off because he wants MY input. He wants ME to be interested in his interests. I'm just thankful it's the Bible and not rabbit hunting. 🙂 On my side of things, I've learned to take up other hobbies. I've got lots of time to read while he is in study or do study of my own, and during the days while he is away I care for others' children since we do not yet have our own. Since I have a better understanding of how he works, and now my own sense of purpose for those otherwise lonely days and sometimes nights, it has made for a happier me and for a happier marriage. 🙂

  172. I have been married for 8 years and we have 3 children. My husband is obsessed with hunting. When I say obsessed I mean he will literally go on 2 hunting trips a year (a week long each) then he will also go every weekend during fall and some evenings by our home in North Dakota. In the past I would nag about it and felt jealous of him. That was the one thing we would always argue about...I've learned to really enjoy it now because when he is gone hunting I don't have to cook extravagant meals, I have some time to read and study when kids go to sleep, and I can get some much needed organizing done. I miss my husband so much when he is gone so it also makes me appreciate him more and he comes back a better husband and father (less stressed from work, loving, patient with children)

  173. Thank you, Debi, for this great topic!
    My hubby loves his family and is obsessed with building a family business that support our children's families when the time comes. Our two oldest work with him full time.
    This has led them to working out of town these last 6 months with very little time off. A few things I determined to do to make our separation easier for me and our 7 children still at home...
    1. To be an encouragement to him. Send him funny memes or inspirational ones during he day. Let him know I'm thinking about him without the pressure of him having to respond in any way. (He rarely acknowledges what I've sent, but have heard that he mentions them to others. )?
    2. Pray for him, about the special issues that arise. Pray with the children so that know what's going on with Daddy and so they can help me celebrate when the Lord provides yet another miracle!
    3. Do hard things. I have learned to use a tractor, a wood splitter, fix fences and set up chicken coops. We've cleaned up an area right next to the driveway that bothered him and turned it into a garden and bonfire spot, which he loves. (Never underestimate what a woman, the Holy Spirit, her tractor and children can accomplish!)
    4. My hubby is command with a whole lot of visionary, so I have learned to manage my home without asking permission about many, many things.
    5. Take this time as an OPPORTUNITY to draw closer to the Lord, seeking Him in my lonely hours, praying for my husband and children, listening to sermons and worship music...
    6. I keep him involved in our daily lives by taking pictures of the children's school list, so he has an idea of what they're learning, ask him questions about things that he has a greater expertise, listen to his opinions on these matters, FaceTime and sending pictures... always pictures.
    7. Expressing thankfulness that I am married to such an awesome, hardworking, visionary man who is thinking ahead to his grandchildren's futures and LOVE ON HIM when he is home. My attitude is the air our children breathe and I do NOT want them having a victim mentality that will cripple them for life!

    Matthew 6:... Take No thought for your life...

  174. My hubby loves mountain bike riding. He's a hard working farmer, but mountain bike riding is what recharges and refreshes him. He needs it. I realised though that in living and raising four children, he and I have spent less and less time together. I used to say to people, "I've given birth 4 times, so I have no desire or need to ride a bike up a mountain!" But recently I decided to give it a go, as a way to spend more time with him, and our children who also love this outlet. Low and behold, much to my surprise, I really enjoyed it! Sometimes I go alone, and other times with one of the kids on a 'mummy-date' or with my hubby. I'm so glad I changed my attitude and took a chance and tried something new, as it's brought us all closer together as a family.

  175. Thank you Debi for sharing your marriage experience.
    I did not grow up in a Christian family and have struggled to be a Godly wife and mother.
    It is so helpful when other faithful women reach out as you do and help lead me.

    My husband and I are facing this right now!
    I felt like God lead me to this article. It truly blessed me and convicted me as a self pitying wife. I have felt like the only one who ever went through this. My husband had lately discovered deer hunting and is obsessed with it. We are struggling to make ends meet and he is spending money on tree stands. Then getting admitted to ER from an injury.

    It wish I had solutions to share but I am just becoming aware of the problem, usually the first step! I am sure God will be leading me toward the answer soon, as he always has!
    Thanks again.
    Carrie

  176. The Charge: Yikes! His hobbies are expensive!
    The Challenge: Not to have a fit when I hear "Hey, I saw...." (Which translates "I am going to buy...")
    The Change: I worked out a budget to accommodate his interests! I challenge myself to use my DIY abilities to save additional bits whenever possible. I love learning new things and being able make my own anything!
    The Cherry on Top: He liked my method so well he put me in charge of all our finances. I can't believe he trusts me that much! I honestly can't name any woman I know who gets this privilege. I have never once had to tell him we didn't have money for something he wanted. So, he often sends me flowers (really!) or stops to buy me a new coat or some other gift "just because he can". Whaaat?!! 🙂
    Now that part is ironed out, but our small kids keep me from accompanying him very often. Looking forward to when we can all go together!!