I have not seen any time devoted in any articles listed under “addiction” on this website that it IS, in fact an addiction. I find the message: ‘truly repent and get over it’ making too simple a very complicated problem. Would you really send the same message to a drug addict? The problem with this particular addiction, as was stated in the article, is that the internet is now available EVERYWHERE. Yes, I have seen God give some people instant freedom from their addictions, but for many others it is a slower process.

My husband has agreed to give me control over the password to the computer in our home. He understands that I need to feel safe in my own home, and that means no internet for him in our home unless I am present with him. He knows that he may not be strong enough to do the right thing and is willing to have this protection for both of our safety.

The workplace is more difficult, and we are still working through it. He is in a private office and able only for short periods of time (days/weeks) to stay on appropriate sites. Now that we have safety in the home, our next plan is to find out how he can be safe in the workplace. I am coming to the realization that it may need to mean a job that has no computer access, a difficult thing in his line of work. Unless we can find a way to keep him accountable at work, which we are still trying to figure out.

My husband has a good heart and good intentions, but has been trapped in this addiction since he was a boy. I find your referrals to ‘porn freaks’ and the tone of your article incredibly uncompassionate to those who struggle with addiction. Yes, it is wrong. Yes, to me it is betrayal, with almost as devastating an impact as adultery with a live woman instead of an image computer screen. Yes, it has wounded me and affected my self-image and the intimacy of our marriage.

But what my husband needs isn’t to be beaten down. Shame is what drives this vicious cycle for him. He needs to be encouraged, to be valued, to be loved and to be respected – things that fight against the shame that drives him towards pornography. Yes, above all, he needs to be on his knees, repenting, confessing his weakness and need for our Lord and Saviour. But let’s not forget that he needs compassion too. Shame fuels these addictions. I abhor the idea of shaming a man into being the man he should be.

D Town, I think considering looking at porn as grounds for divorce may be stretching things, because that same extrapolation would mean anyone who is angry is also a murderer, and would make that grounds for death. In either case, having grounds for a divorce does not mean a divorce is required, and it is still better to remain together if at all possible. Being the wife of a porn-addict is usually still preferable to the alternative. (If we take the Bible at it’s word about divorce and remarriage, and believe that women are to keep the home and teach their children there – it is very hard for most divorcees to do this, because it often requires outside employment to get by).

D Town, I think considering looking at porn as grounds for divorce may be stretching things, because that same extrapolation would mean anyone who is angry is also a murderer, and would make that grounds for death. In either case, having grounds for a divorce does not mean a divorce is required, and it is still better to remain together if at all possible. Being the wife of a porn-addict is usually still preferable to the alternative. (If we take the Bible at it’s word about divorce and remarriage, and believe that women are to keep the home and teach their children there – it is very hard for most divorcees to do this, because it often requires outside employment to get by).