Preparing oneself to be a help meet is a primary concern of every young girl hoping to become a wife and mother. She wants to be ready to be the best wife ever. I have never heard a young girl say, “When I get married, I am going to nag my husband until he hates me.”
No, we all believe we will be the best when that day finally comes. Then we are married and have one child after another, maybe financial troubles, or a husband that is too busy working to appreciate all our sacrifices. It is easy to forget our former commitment to be a good help meet (properly fitted helper). We are now stuck in the tired doldrums of nagging because we are unhappy with our lot in life. We forget that God created us to honor and respect our husbands, no matter what. We come up with excuses like, “If he would just do this for me or lead his family the way God wants him to, then I would be happy.”
Preparing to be a wife never ends. We must continue to learn and grow into what God has called us to be. We cannot forget to continue to prepare ourselves. I have seen many young girls get married with such joy and excitement, only to have their fantasy fall away a few short months later. Wives are shocked and become unhappy when they realize that he is no longer obsessed with just them as he was during the courting days and early marriage. Their husbands are now obsessed with video games, hunting, sports, some hobby, or just work. But as all of you veteran wives have learned, if you stand by your man, your life with him can become very rewarding.
We have received so many great responses about how you have learned to respond to your husband’s obsessions. I, as a young wife, love to read what you have learned over the years so that I can be more prepared when things come up in my own marriage. My husband is quite obsessed with a great many things. Thankfully, I have always been right there with him to help him with each new adventure. I have to say, it has kept me PREPARING! Here are a few tips from you.
Dear NGJ,
The obsession article inquired, “What’s a lady to do?” It made me think of Proverbs 31. Certainly there is a list of quality counter-obsessions a woman could undertake and still be serving and available when her man comes home with rabbits to clean. In vs. 13, weaving, crocheting, knitting, quilting; vs. 14, meal preparation, trying new recipes, and investigating foreign cuisine; vs. 16, perhaps a new gardening endeavor, a vineyard, an orchard, an herb garden to keep your family healthy; vs. 18, a craft or trade that contributes to the family’s finances or food pantry; vs. 19, spinning, raising fiber, goats, or sheep; vs. 20, community service, church ministry, visiting the widows or those in need; vs. 21, making clothes; vs. 22, keeping herself and the home in order; vs. 24, making and selling garments, crafts, etc.; vs. 26, reading God’s word, developing a Bible study (or writing a book!) and taking time to share it with younger women, taking an online course or researching an area of interest through books or websites; vs. 27, managing all aspects of the home that your husband has entrusted to you, paying bills, keeping the books, following a budget (or developing one!); vs.28, developing relationships with your children by investing time in their interests.
Dear NGJ,
When I read the article entitled “Obsessions” in the latest No Greater Joy magazine, I had to laugh. I have been married for two years exactly as of this week, and I found out pretty quickly once we were married my husband was going to have more obsessions than just me. It’s helpful to know that other men are the same way. I’m going to start by saying that I did not, and sometimes still do not, have the best attitude about his “hobbies.” One of my husband’s greatest qualities is his ability to completely pour himself into anything he does. I have never seen him do a half-hearted job at anything and I admire that. It can be frustrating, however, when I want him to spend time with me and he’s too busy doing his best! The three things I try to do to not get frustrated with his obsessions are:
1. Learn to do it with him and learn to love it.
2. Watch him do it and help him if I can.
3. If I can’t do it with him or watch him do it, I find something productive to do while he’s gone.
If you would like to read more stories like this, ask a question, or share your own story about what you are doing right now to prepare yourself for your future husband, then join the conversation online at PreparingToBeAHelpMeet.com. There, we as wives and young girls can continue to prepare ourselves to be what God has called us to be. I look forward to each of your stories.
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I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. 3 John 4
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Isn't it funny that a woman will try to learn her husbands hobby just to spend time with him. Have you ever heard of a man trying to spin, knitt, clip coupons...any thing that a may be a womans obsession just to be with her? (after they're married) Eve should have never tasted that apple!
Isn't it funny that a woman will try to learn her husbands hobby just to spend time with him. Have you ever heard of a man trying to spin, knitt, clip coupons...any thing that a may be a womans obsession just to be with her? (after they're married) Eve should have never tasted that apple!
Dear NGJ,
The Obsession article really hit home with me. For years and years I spent my time nagging, complaining and downright unhappy, wondering when my husband was going to lead the way God wanted him to, (although it wasnt really the way God wanted him to, but more the way I wanted him to). I was a baby Christian when we married 3months and he had been a Chrisitan since he was 7yr.old. He grew up in the Church and has a deep rich solid relationship with the Lord, why he chose me, I still dont know. Anyways, It bothered me deeply that he had obsessions, with music, science projects, and reading. I didnt understand his obsession nor did I care to learn. I was very selfish and quickly learned those verses on the husbands role and was very foolish to point them out to him. 8yrs went on of my constant dripping and yes, by Gods grace he stayed married to me, he is a faithful MR. Steady with a servants heart. If there is one thing I have learned it is to a womens pity to not learn or show interest in her husbands obsessions. I lost a good plenty years from my foolishness. Now being married 10yr, these past 2 yr have been so glorious. After reading created to be a helpmeet, I realize I was a women tearing my home down with my own hands. Now, I can with joy allow my husband to turn my kitchen into a science lab, my bedroom into a place where music can be played and our book shelves can actually have books on them. I realize that his obsessions are my obsessions and his talents are mine, his wisdom is mine, his successes are mine, his failures are mine, we are one. I may not understand the depth of his crazy science mind, but I am willing to learn a bit and enjoy him leading me in all this. He is very knowledgeable and talented, when it comes to sustaineable energy, I am thankful and blessed, now to surrender to the my God given role of a helpmeet.Thank you for training us young women to be the next generation of Titus 2 women.
Dear NGJ,
The Obsession article really hit home with me. For years and years I spent my time nagging, complaining and downright unhappy, wondering when my husband was going to lead the way God wanted him to, (although it wasnt really the way God wanted him to, but more the way I wanted him to). I was a baby Christian when we married 3months and he had been a Chrisitan since he was 7yr.old. He grew up in the Church and has a deep rich solid relationship with the Lord, why he chose me, I still dont know. Anyways, It bothered me deeply that he had obsessions, with music, science projects, and reading. I didnt understand his obsession nor did I care to learn. I was very selfish and quickly learned those verses on the husbands role and was very foolish to point them out to him. 8yrs went on of my constant dripping and yes, by Gods grace he stayed married to me, he is a faithful MR. Steady with a servants heart. If there is one thing I have learned it is to a womens pity to not learn or show interest in her husbands obsessions. I lost a good plenty years from my foolishness. Now being married 10yr, these past 2 yr have been so glorious. After reading created to be a helpmeet, I realize I was a women tearing my home down with my own hands. Now, I can with joy allow my husband to turn my kitchen into a science lab, my bedroom into a place where music can be played and our book shelves can actually have books on them. I realize that his obsessions are my obsessions and his talents are mine, his wisdom is mine, his successes are mine, his failures are mine, we are one. I may not understand the depth of his crazy science mind, but I am willing to learn a bit and enjoy him leading me in all this. He is very knowledgeable and talented, when it comes to sustaineable energy, I am thankful and blessed, now to surrender to the my God given role of a helpmeet.Thank you for training us young women to be the next generation of Titus 2 women.
During my 17 years of marriage I have learned to enjoy the talents that God has given my husband. While I enjoy the talents my husband has, I also have learned to enjoy the God given talents that I have. I admit that in the beginning of my marriage my husband and I had some very long and deep conversations concerning obsessions and idols. The bible speaks very clearly on these subjects and we referred to the Good Book during these conversations. I was quite and did listen while he researched. I don't know exactly why some women tend to think it has to be all or nothing when it comes to the subject of their husbands interests? Or why they think they must adopted particularly unfeminine hobbies to be with or please their spouses. But a good balance of play and work is needed. I try and keep my interests in balance and remained prayerful about my husbands and cherish his prayers about mine. In time, and without me saying anything about them, they became balanced. My security comes from the Lord Jesus Christ. So I do not feel threatened by my husbands interests and I believe that is why he doesn't feel an urgency or need to obsess about anything anymore. While he enjoys his interests I can enjoy mine and we can meet and discuss things that we have done. Of course, our main priority are our children and their foundation in Christ. This being the most important and time consuming interest we have together. I must also admit... that I listened to my Dad about who I should marry and he did pick the perfect guy for me. I am truly blessed to be married to Brad.
During my 17 years of marriage I have learned to enjoy the talents that God has given my husband. While I enjoy the talents my husband has, I also have learned to enjoy the God given talents that I have. I admit that in the beginning of my marriage my husband and I had some very long and deep conversations concerning obsessions and idols. The bible speaks very clearly on these subjects and we referred to the Good Book during these conversations. I was quite and did listen while he researched. I don't know exactly why some women tend to think it has to be all or nothing when it comes to the subject of their husbands interests? Or why they think they must adopted particularly unfeminine hobbies to be with or please their spouses. But a good balance of play and work is needed. I try and keep my interests in balance and remained prayerful about my husbands and cherish his prayers about mine. In time, and without me saying anything about them, they became balanced. My security comes from the Lord Jesus Christ. So I do not feel threatened by my husbands interests and I believe that is why he doesn't feel an urgency or need to obsess about anything anymore. While he enjoys his interests I can enjoy mine and we can meet and discuss things that we have done. Of course, our main priority are our children and their foundation in Christ. This being the most important and time consuming interest we have together. I must also admit... that I listened to my Dad about who I should marry and he did pick the perfect guy for me. I am truly blessed to be married to Brad.
QUOTE: "Isn't it funny that a woman will try to learn her husbands hobby just to spend time with him. Have you ever heard of a man trying to spin, knitt, clip coupons...any thing that a may be a womans obsession just to be with her? (after they're married) Eve should have never tasted that apple!"
In response: I certainly have heard of such a thing. I have a sincere love for weaving, cooking, horses, and soap-making. My husband has learned about all of these, just to be interested in what I am interested in. He has taken initiative to learn about the things I love with me, especially cooking and soap-making, just to spend time with me. If you were to drop by my house on any given Saturday, you will probably see my husband and me cooking together in our beautiful kitchen (which he renovated with his own two hands, giving me as close to my dream kitchen as he could.) He has also taught me a thing or two about mechanics and auto body restorations (his obsessions) and we have truly enjoyed learning from each other and exploring new interests. I have been married to this man for 4 years and they are the best 4 years of my life. The greatest thing I can suggest to a wife is to be joyful. Enjoy your husband and he will enjoy you.
QUOTE: "Isn't it funny that a woman will try to learn her husbands hobby just to spend time with him. Have you ever heard of a man trying to spin, knitt, clip coupons...any thing that a may be a womans obsession just to be with her? (after they're married) Eve should have never tasted that apple!"
In response: I certainly have heard of such a thing. I have a sincere love for weaving, cooking, horses, and soap-making. My husband has learned about all of these, just to be interested in what I am interested in. He has taken initiative to learn about the things I love with me, especially cooking and soap-making, just to spend time with me. If you were to drop by my house on any given Saturday, you will probably see my husband and me cooking together in our beautiful kitchen (which he renovated with his own two hands, giving me as close to my dream kitchen as he could.) He has also taught me a thing or two about mechanics and auto body restorations (his obsessions) and we have truly enjoyed learning from each other and exploring new interests. I have been married to this man for 4 years and they are the best 4 years of my life. The greatest thing I can suggest to a wife is to be joyful. Enjoy your husband and he will enjoy you.
My husband is a self-employed painting contractor, who is a fabulous painter, but...not a natural business man. Several months back he started spending quite a lot of time on a professional painters forum online, which quickly became his new obsession. Typically my only exposure to what he was reading was when someone posted something comical and I came over to see what he was laughing about.
This past week he had an "office day" to catch up on estimates, etc. As his office manager I knew he had a very long and important list of things that he really needed to accomplish that day. Several hours into the morning all he seemed to have accomplished was to have spent several hours on that stupid painting forum. I had a busy day of my own in full swing and was becoming more and more frustrated by the minute to see him wasting his time. I was straining to keep my mouth shut, trying to meditate on all the most basic "good wife" skills I knew darn good and well from reading Created To Be His Help Meet many times over.
In an attempt to keep my cool and remind myself of how much I love this impossible man I'm married to, I paused to wrap my arms around his shoulders and kiss him while he sat at his laptop, *still* on that stupid forum. As I stood there I began to read what he was reading, and in a moment I was sitting down beside him and asking about this particular forum discussion. Over the next few hours and days as I began to read along with him as I was able, and he would share what he was reading as I worked around the house, I came to realize that he wasn't wasting time at all! He was learning fantastic amounts of highly valuable information from other painters who have been running sucessful painting businesses for many years. He was asking great questions, getting excellent answers, and daily looking for ways to apply the tips and keys to success he was learning. I've come to be so grateful for his new found facination and each day I respect him all the more for the time he's investing to learn from others and become the best painter, and more importantly the best business man, that he can possibly be. And I am SO glad I held my tounge that morning instead of fussing at him for his apparent laziness!
Thank you Mrs. Pearl for the book and this article, both of which were the voice in my ear that kept me from being a real jerk to my wonderful husband last Friday morning! 😉
My husband is a self-employed painting contractor, who is a fabulous painter, but...not a natural business man. Several months back he started spending quite a lot of time on a professional painters forum online, which quickly became his new obsession. Typically my only exposure to what he was reading was when someone posted something comical and I came over to see what he was laughing about.
This past week he had an "office day" to catch up on estimates, etc. As his office manager I knew he had a very long and important list of things that he really needed to accomplish that day. Several hours into the morning all he seemed to have accomplished was to have spent several hours on that stupid painting forum. I had a busy day of my own in full swing and was becoming more and more frustrated by the minute to see him wasting his time. I was straining to keep my mouth shut, trying to meditate on all the most basic "good wife" skills I knew darn good and well from reading Created To Be His Help Meet many times over.
In an attempt to keep my cool and remind myself of how much I love this impossible man I'm married to, I paused to wrap my arms around his shoulders and kiss him while he sat at his laptop, *still* on that stupid forum. As I stood there I began to read what he was reading, and in a moment I was sitting down beside him and asking about this particular forum discussion. Over the next few hours and days as I began to read along with him as I was able, and he would share what he was reading as I worked around the house, I came to realize that he wasn't wasting time at all! He was learning fantastic amounts of highly valuable information from other painters who have been running sucessful painting businesses for many years. He was asking great questions, getting excellent answers, and daily looking for ways to apply the tips and keys to success he was learning. I've come to be so grateful for his new found facination and each day I respect him all the more for the time he's investing to learn from others and become the best painter, and more importantly the best business man, that he can possibly be. And I am SO glad I held my tounge that morning instead of fussing at him for his apparent laziness!
Thank you Mrs. Pearl for the book and this article, both of which were the voice in my ear that kept me from being a real jerk to my wonderful husband last Friday morning! 😉
My Wally just told me he would like for me to teach HIM how to knit!! I'm not too young or too old, but we just celebrated 16 miraculous years yesterday!! The first two solid were a living hell, but I totally put mytrust in God, changed some habits according to the Spirit's leading, found out about " the dominant" type of man, changed some more....and more.. Then HE began to change:D praise GOD!!! And that is truly a miraculous marriage, all after I said to my Maker: God, resurrect my marriage....it's terrible
AND HE more than DID. I will forever testify how it gets better w/ age and humility. I'll sing praises to my God!!
My Wally just told me he would like for me to teach HIM how to knit!! I'm not too young or too old, but we just celebrated 16 miraculous years yesterday!! The first two solid were a living hell, but I totally put mytrust in God, changed some habits according to the Spirit's leading, found out about " the dominant" type of man, changed some more....and more.. Then HE began to change:D praise GOD!!! And that is truly a miraculous marriage, all after I said to my Maker: God, resurrect my marriage....it's terrible
AND HE more than DID. I will forever testify how it gets better w/ age and humility. I'll sing praises to my God!!
Thanks so much for this article ! I really liked the comparing of the verses in Proverbs 31 to modern day things is neat. Very good to measure myself against !
Thanks so much for this article ! I really liked the comparing of the verses in Proverbs 31 to modern day things is neat. Very good to measure myself against !
Some of us wives are videogamers too! Our whole family is!
"Their husbands are now obsessed with video games, hunting, sports, some hobby, or just work."
From a man's point of view, there are two different types of activities. Ordinate (or proper) activities that may include leisure, work, planning, responsibility, rest, etc. When you say obsessions, those activities typically don't come to mind. Obsessions are more improper, or those that are not edifying and maybe idolatry.
Men have a lot of different responsibilities and roles. Life is multi-faceted. A man has a lot of different facets he needs to take care of in life - a wife being one of them. Just because he is working on other things doesn't mean she has become less valued. In fact, it may be because she is valued that he is engaging in those things. That's proper and part of life. On the other hand, a man that's just out truly obsessing about things to no end (or an invalid end) may not have his priorities right.
It behooves every young lady to spend time critically evaluating their prospective mate's activities. Figure out what their (past) favorite activities are. If it's video games, I personally would run from him like he has the plague.