Dear Mrs. Pearl,
Greetings in the name of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. I want to say thank you for your magazine. I look forward to it.
I have a question. I am struggling to make God-honoring decisions while still being submissive to my husband. He wants to send our son and two daughters to public school. This scares me as I remember just how evil it is. And now he tells me he wants me to enroll in college and get a degree so I can have something meaningful in my life. This hurts me because as a pastor in training he should be encouraging women to be keepers at home. Why?
How can any of this be of God? How do I submit to my husband’s desires and still follow God?
—A Mrs.
Debi Answers:
Consider what your husband’s motivation might be. Let’s assume that he wants what is best for both you and the children. He wants you to grow and be productive, and he wants the children to be well educated. For instance, your husband might see that you are not doing any schooling with your three- and four-year-olds. He notices that your time is maxed out by housework and chores that have no long term value. Does he have reason to think you will be stressed or incapable if you try to do more? If this is the case, he may need to see you growing and the children learning before he can commit his children to homeschooling.
A committed homeschool mom starts playing homeschool when her child is not yet two years old. By the time the child is four years old he should know or be in the process of learning the colors. He should be learning to count to 20, sounding out words, and be learning strange and exciting science facts. The four-year-old should be able to look adults in the eye and discuss the wonderful new things he is learning. Daddy will look on in wonder and delight, both at how smart his child is and at how industrious his wife is. The husband appreciates his wife’s ability and has confidence that her enthusiasm will carry her through to success.
The same thing applies for going back to college. If a man is learning and growing and he sees that his wife is just coasting along, a loving husband will want to help motivate his wife so she can keep pace with him.
No man wants a wife that spends her days on the couch watching soap operas or reading romance novels. A wife who is a phone chatter, web-surfer, or text message gossiper is really a loser. These behaviors sap a man’s hopes and dreams.
A man knows that his smart, hard-working, industrious wife reflects well on him, and she brings a lot to the marriage. Regardless of what kind of man he is, a husband will find great satisfaction in the fact that his wife is self-motivated and hard-working.
God gave us a thorough description of how a virtuous woman spends her days. Check to see if you fit the profile. Contrary to what I (or others) might think, this chapter, devoted to describing a godly woman, doesn’t represent this super-lady as a prayer warrior or a teacher of great Biblical truths. The woman described in Proverbs 31:10–31 is a successful, hard-working and industrious businesswoman. She sews and weaves, then sells her wares. She travels long distances to find good deals. She buys land and plants orchards. She has a staff of workers which she trains well. In all this activity she still makes time to help the needy. This active businesswoman is resourceful and aggressive. In verse 23 her success brings her husband recognition. “Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.” Verse 28 tells how her children respond to their mother: “Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.”
So what can a woman do if her husband wants her to send their children to public school and go to college? She can become a Proverbs 31 wife. She can study, learn, grow, and become successful. She can win his confidence in her as a teacher of his children. In all my 40 years of ministering to families, I have never seen a husband (no matter how stiff-necked and against homeschooling) who didn’t respond with thanksgiving when his wife became a Proverbs 31 woman.
A woman might complain that her husband is lazy, fleshly, and all manner of negative things. I can’t guarantee the wife of the lazy husband that he will change in response to her renewal. However, almost all men want what is best for their families, so a man will respond positively to his wife’s wishes if she proves to be an able partner in his designs for the family.
The question is this: Are you willing to rise to the challenge?
Mrs. Pearl, this was a helpful article. Thank you very much.
Mrs. Pearl, this was a helpful article. Thank you very much.
Mrs. Pearl,
Thank you, what an encouragement.
I live in a small town in WNC and attend a family oriented church where I grew up. But I am probably one of the very few women at my church who don’t Facebook, text and gossip the day away, and yet they act as if I were the loser for not doing just as they do. The truly sad part is that the majority of these women are my “elders”, some even pushing 65! What has happened to the elder women teaching the younger women to be keepers at home?
Mrs. Pearl,
Thank you, what an encouragement.
I live in a small town in WNC and attend a family oriented church where I grew up. But I am probably one of the very few women at my church who don’t Facebook, text and gossip the day away, and yet they act as if I were the loser for not doing just as they do. The truly sad part is that the majority of these women are my “elders”, some even pushing 65! What has happened to the elder women teaching the younger women to be keepers at home?
I didn’t know how to use the “rating bar” so I would have liked to rate this a perfect 5 but it came out a 4.8. SORRY!! I’ll get it right next time. I am always SO encouraged and provoked to holiness when I read your articles. Praise the Lord!
I didn’t know how to use the “rating bar” so I would have liked to rate this a perfect 5 but it came out a 4.8. SORRY!! I’ll get it right next time. I am always SO encouraged and provoked to holiness when I read your articles. Praise the Lord!
I do like of some of what you say, but I disagree on some. I am a mom of 5, and I HS as well. My husband did not want me to originally HS. I can’t remember how you worded it, but I relate to you saying when the husband sees us wives are maxed out that the husband tends to think to make things better. We agreed that I would try hsing and here I am with my 12 yr. old, and am still at it. I don’t agree that kids need to know letters, or colors by a certain age. My 6 yr. old was not ready per say for school until after Christmas, and he is soon to be 7. He is getting there, but I know he is more behind than my older kids were at this age. Every child is different. So if that is the reason for her not to HS then I disagree. Also, to think she is on the couch watching soaps all day or not doing anything is a thought, but certainly not a fact. We don’t know what this mom’s busy or non-busy schedule looks like. I guess that is hard personally as well. I don’t stop all day, and I have friends that assume, because I’m home all day to say to me oh yeah that’s right you have all day to do this or that. I do wish so… I think this mom can make things work. I know with my husband he just had no clue if HS would work at the time. He still mentions to me to put the kids in school “to give me a break.” For me that would be selfish. Things are working for us, and to put them in school would be saddening for my family. I understand HS doesn’t work for each family. It certainly is becoming more popular though. Thanks for letting me comment.
I do like of some of what you say, but I disagree on some. I am a mom of 5, and I HS as well. My husband did not want me to originally HS. I can’t remember how you worded it, but I relate to you saying when the husband sees us wives are maxed out that the husband tends to think to make things better. We agreed that I would try hsing and here I am with my 12 yr. old, and am still at it. I don’t agree that kids need to know letters, or colors by a certain age. My 6 yr. old was not ready per say for school until after Christmas, and he is soon to be 7. He is getting there, but I know he is more behind than my older kids were at this age. Every child is different. So if that is the reason for her not to HS then I disagree. Also, to think she is on the couch watching soaps all day or not doing anything is a thought, but certainly not a fact. We don’t know what this mom’s busy or non-busy schedule looks like. I guess that is hard personally as well. I don’t stop all day, and I have friends that assume, because I’m home all day to say to me oh yeah that’s right you have all day to do this or that. I do wish so… I think this mom can make things work. I know with my husband he just had no clue if HS would work at the time. He still mentions to me to put the kids in school “to give me a break.” For me that would be selfish. Things are working for us, and to put them in school would be saddening for my family. I understand HS doesn’t work for each family. It certainly is becoming more popular though. Thanks for letting me comment.
I appreciated the encouragement to be industrious and worthy of the affection our husbands give us,but I do not think the real question was answered.I am very curious how the Pearls feel about a husband asking a wife to do things for their family (i.e. send the children go public school) that go against her convictions?I think that there are many ‘moms’ out there who have discovered the Pearls and who try to implicate their wisdom in everyday life,while their husbands may not be on the proverbial band wagon.In such a case,what do the Pearls suggest a wife do?I have to say that I think there are many home schooling mothers who would benefit from going to college.This husband may be taking into consideration that a few years of studying now could save both wife and children in the future should something happen to him,and she be forced to become the bread winner.Anyone have any thoughts?
I appreciated the encouragement to be industrious and worthy of the affection our husbands give us,but I do not think the real question was answered.I am very curious how the Pearls feel about a husband asking a wife to do things for their family (i.e. send the children go public school) that go against her convictions?I think that there are many ‘moms’ out there who have discovered the Pearls and who try to implicate their wisdom in everyday life,while their husbands may not be on the proverbial band wagon.In such a case,what do the Pearls suggest a wife do?I have to say that I think there are many home schooling mothers who would benefit from going to college.This husband may be taking into consideration that a few years of studying now could save both wife and children in the future should something happen to him,and she be forced to become the bread winner.Anyone have any thoughts?
I have to say that this has certainly proved true in my situation. Before we had children and while my eldest was a baby, my man was not interested in homeschooling. But I have diligently educated my babies since they were born. Every part of life is a learning experience. My boys are 3 and 4 and are well beyond their age level in common academics such as reading, counting, and writing. Our main “homeschool” focus is learning the Bible and character, then comes the other stuff. We want our little ones to grow up ready to work and love others every day. Academics must be in their rightful place in our lives. That said, “school” at home has become so fruitful and fun that my husband regularly takes over teaching moments and is very proud of the kid’s progress. We actually never had a conversation about school, now that it is here. It was so natural that his original thoughts about homeschool haven’t even come up. We became a homeschooling family without even having to discuss it! Sometimes I can’t even believe how easy it has been to convince him. I expected to have to defend my desires, but he is so pleased with me and the kid’s lives at home that it never even came up! God is faithful.
I have to say that this has certainly proved true in my situation. Before we had children and while my eldest was a baby, my man was not interested in homeschooling. But I have diligently educated my babies since they were born. Every part of life is a learning experience. My boys are 3 and 4 and are well beyond their age level in common academics such as reading, counting, and writing. Our main “homeschool” focus is learning the Bible and character, then comes the other stuff. We want our little ones to grow up ready to work and love others every day. Academics must be in their rightful place in our lives. That said, “school” at home has become so fruitful and fun that my husband regularly takes over teaching moments and is very proud of the kid’s progress. We actually never had a conversation about school, now that it is here. It was so natural that his original thoughts about homeschool haven’t even come up. We became a homeschooling family without even having to discuss it! Sometimes I can’t even believe how easy it has been to convince him. I expected to have to defend my desires, but he is so pleased with me and the kid’s lives at home that it never even came up! God is faithful.
I am not sure about this case but I also have seen men who are peer pressured by other men into changing their views on homeschooling. My first husband, before he left, was like that. He wanted our son in school because men he worked with told him it was crazy and the child would never be socialized.