Comments on: Too Young to Spank?

By: Heidi

Heidi — Wed, 27 Feb 2013 15:28:11 +0000

Thank You!! My family has such a warped concept of punishment, discipline, expectations of behavior etc…
My children are 13, 6, 4 and 11 months and I’ve been praying for a different approach that actually works! I only JUST discovered your ministry a few months ago and am nearly finished reading “Created to be his Help Meet”.
Although I’ve been a Christian for more than 2 decades, the wisdom you’ve shared has been revolutionary for my life and marriage.

By: Linne

Linne — Sun, 30 Sep 2012 04:47:55 +0000

@Shi and Izzy: I so agree with you. I spanked my younger son twice (on the same day, for starting a fire in the corner of our living room). The result was that he went on to be fascinated by fire and set several more in later years. I was lucky that he stopped at the age of 10. I have always regretted hitting him instead of taking the time to teach him properly.

Children are not less than dogs and I would never train a dog by hitting it; I don’t even use a leash and yank it around. I know that is also accepted behaviour, but I have learned better.

Children are a gift to us and if we do not know how to teach them, we shouldn’t be bringing them into the world. I have noticed for years that people brought up with violence, and especially this form of ‘calm’ violence, instead of actual teaching, usually end up being ‘calmly’ violent parents later on.

I was raised with ‘spanking’ by my dad, luckily not by my mum. I obeyed dad out of fear, but not because I had learned why or why not to do any particular behaviour. I learned that later on. I did not want my children to fear me in that way and they did not. Yes, it took more thought, time and thinking to train them properly, but it was worth it. They have turned out to be adults I respect as well as love and the eldest has five children who are being raised non-violently and they are a joy to be with.

The idea of hitting a baby for any reason makes me sick, too. Any adult should be able to figure out a way to teach a child of any age. This is very scary stuff, especially as I read posts from new parents who are overjoyed to be given a shortcut to parenting that condones their own need to inflict pain on the helpless among us.

I am reminded that our Master said that whatsoever we do to the least among us, we do unto Him. There were people who struck Him, hoping to change His behaviour and make Him conform to their expectations and standards. Luckily for us, He turned the other cheek, forgave them and showed us a better way.

By: Lillian

Lillian — Thu, 27 Sep 2012 13:06:54 +0000

Danette,

It boils down to whether you choose to believe what the Bible plainly teaches or the wisdom of men.

By: Danette

Danette — Tue, 25 Sep 2012 20:50:57 +0000

Well, if you want to train a child not to throw a bowl on the floor I prefer to tell them that,” we don’t throw bowls on the floor, that makes a mess. We use bowls on the table.”

Many years ago when my children were infants, then young toddlers, I was “trained” by an amazing, loving, child-care provider and then a wonderful YMCA child-care facility. Tell the children what you want them to do. Demonstrate it. Model it. Live it.

I did not want my children to hit. “We don’t hit people. We touch kindly, we touch gently.” I didn’t reserve the right for myself to hit…

Young children respond remarkably well to being told what behaviors are desireable rather than to have pain inflicted on them for failing to clearly understand the social norms of our society.

Of course, you could just smack them until they stop…apparently Mr. Pearl is firmly convinced that that is God’s will.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Wed, 29 Aug 2012 13:19:28 +0000

Anyone who has studied children understands that when a 6 month old child throws food onto the floor from a high chair, they are displaying absolutely normal child development. The child is fascinated with the law of gravity. If a child is 15 months old, and he is trhowing food on the floor, you simply take the food away. Many children, who obviously cannot speak well enough at a year old to tell you they are finished or done with their food, will throw the food to the floor in an attempt to say ” I am done”. Remove the food, and remove the child from the high chair. Hurting a child to stop behavior is sickening. This runs along the same line as putting a 5 month old, who has just learned to crawl on a blanket. The 5 month old is curious about his environment. They are fascinated that they can now crawl, and want to learn about the world. “The blanket training” which involved hitting a child for moving off of the blabket, is again barbaric. If you do not want your child vrawling, then ut him or her in a playpen. I believe it wa also mentioned by the Pearls that a child should be trained not to cry, even at the age of 4 months. Are all of you insane? I never touched my children once to “train” them. All three grown children are respectable, loving, Christian adults, who have great jobs. They volunteer their time, have respectable moral values, and are role models to others. How did the millions of children who were never spanked or trained become morally acceptable citizens?

By: Lizzy (NGJ Staff)

Lizzy (NGJ Staff) — Mon, 13 Aug 2012 19:01:51 +0000

Try re-reading the article for what it is actually saying instead of through your biased lenses. Training children is done calmly (not excitedly) and you are not trying to hinder a child's every natural action, only to properly train the child not to do certain things when they are inappropriate.

By: Lizzy (NGJ Staff)

Lizzy (NGJ Staff) — Mon, 13 Aug 2012 18:54:49 +0000

Only selective research would deem this abuse. Do not stop with the site recommended above, but do your own research (I will not demean you by leading you to specific sites but will credit you with the intelligence to think and research for yourself). The most up-to-date studies are finding superior outcomes (after 10+ years) in young children (trained up until age 6) trained by the philosophy taught by the Pearls and NGJ.

By: Lizzy (NGJ Staff)

Lizzy (NGJ Staff) — Mon, 13 Aug 2012 18:48:13 +0000

Just because you do not like it and falsely equate it with violence does not make it wrong. There are many things that are proper in training young children that are not proper when interacting with adults or even older children.

By: Lizzy (NGJ Staff)

Lizzy (NGJ Staff) — Mon, 13 Aug 2012 18:42:03 +0000

It all comes down to studying scripture in obedience to 2 Timothy 2:15. It is not about personally picking and choosing but understanding the Bible as it is written, the context, and who is being addressed (general audience, specific audience, etc.). This is sometimes referred to as the normative/grammatical/historical approach. Just because something is mentioned in the Bible (slavery, homosexuality, polygamy, etc.) does not mean that it is endorsed by God. The Bible is honest history and as such does not whitewash the actions of man, even when those act are abominable, but it does recognize and record that it occured.

By: Shi

Shi — Mon, 13 Aug 2012 16:37:22 +0000

You are excited to hit your baby? Excited to train her (like an animal)?
And why in the world would you smack her for rolling over? That’s a natural part of development that is very important for babies.
Why not just change her on a mat on the floor? My daughter wiggles all over the place, not to be naughty, but because it’s PART OF BEING A BABY.
It makes me sad and sick to my stomach that anyone can think it’s ever ok to hit, especially such a little one.