Comments on: Training at Three Months

By: Juliya

Juliya — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 23:09:51 +0000

Ok people, you are over reacting to this article. Like everything else Micheal and Debbie teach, this is not intended to hurt your child. Use common sense and of course pick up your child and feed him if he hasnt been fed for 2+ hours, or if your can tell by the cry that the tummy or gas is the problem. This article is for when your childs needs are all met and the child lets out a cry and you consistently pick him up. Instead of waiting for you baby to be ‘insecure’ and cry, why dont you spend time and cuddle when it hasnt gotten to the point of loneliness.
I agree with Micheal. It doesnt mean I am perfect at this (Im 22 with an 8month old) I just see now that my baby cries when held by some one else and I walk past…thats sweet, but thats bound to get bad when she is older and I need to leave her for 2 hours during church, etc. Anyway, I get the point of this kind of training. It motivates me to be a better parent, wiser in raising and responsible for my childs future.

By: J

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 20:39:31 +0000

I’m so pleased to read the sanity in so many of these posts and would like to just add that to leave a baby for more than 15 mins crying is not recommended by the doctors as babies can get so distraught that they are sick and can then choke on their own vomit and DIE. Want to do that to your babies? No? Then pick them up and take care of them. That’s what you had them for isn’t it? And if it isn’t then look into adoption.

By: Christina

Christina — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 03:59:29 +0000

I also disagree with this article because I believe that babies have no other way of communicating than to cry and the “let them cry it out” method has been proven to increase feelings of abandonment later in life. My parents did not subscribe to this method and I have a very loving relationship with them and trust that they will take care of my needs all around. I am also not manipulative or conniving as a result of my parents nurturing me. That is my opinion.

By: Alida

Alida — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 20:32:53 +0000

Wonderful article, and so true ! I have a two-month-old girl who have cried the moment I put her in her pram to lay with me in the kitchen while I finish dinner. I knew she had a full tummy, a clean diaper/have just been to the potty. She only wanted to be held and/or entertained at it just is not possible for Mommy at that moment. We’ve given her no attention while she cried and it only happened two to three times. Now, if I put her down to be with the family (of course assuring that all her needs was met first so that there could be no real reason for crying), she might fuss a little and even that would get no attention. Just today she laid silently with us in her pram beside the dinner table, waiting placidly for us to finish before she gets her bath.
My 5 year old girl has a very soft spot for her baby sister and will very quickly start crying silently when baby cries. We had to explain to her that her little sister does not need anything and just have to learn to accept ‘no’ for an answer – to accept Mommy and Daddy’s decision. She won’t cry like this for long anymore, she will quickly learn to wait a little.
It’s amazing at what a young age babies can understand and learn. They are incredibly smart, parents just need to direct their ability to understand for the good.
To let your baby not have attention while crying, does not mean baby does not receive any love and attention at all. This is isolated moments during a day. Mostly our baby is happy, content and part of the family being happily together, getting attention and wooing all who smiles at her. But there are instances where she has to learn to not demand attention and wait and be content to just be ‘around’.
Parents can hear a baby’s different cries. You learn when it is bowel discomfort, hunger, sleepy, in need of a burp, or defiant. Of all kinds of crying, the defiant one does not get what it wants.

By: Andrea

Andrea — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 21:44:16 +0000

Anyone who’s ever spent time around babies knows the difference between “I need help!” crying and “I demand attention!!” crying. I don’t believe this article is talking about ignoring obvious distress, but rather refusing to reward a child bullying her parents.

“Research shows that when you respond consistently to a baby’s cries under 6 mo, they actually cry less.” Please link to this research.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 13:56:48 +0000

As a child, my parents brought up my brother, sister, and I this way and my mom still advocates this style of parenting. I, however, do not and will not. As a victim of this type of “training” and others described on this website I can testify to neither feeling happy nor loved. I knew my parents loved me but I didn’t feel loved. Instead, I knew at an early age that if I wanted my parents attention, love and affection I had to be perfect, had to be cheerful and sweet and so I would be, not because I felt happy or sweet all the time but because sadness, fear, anger, insecurity, loneliness or any other less than “cheerful” emotion was ignored and later punished. You claim in this article that the child becomes emotionally manipulative of her parents but what you describe is emotional abuse of the child. Parents that do this kill something in their children and themselves. An infant’s and child’s cry is annoying and grating on an adult’s nerves for a reason, to get our attention so we, the ones God has placed to protect them will respond to those needs. The consequences of my parents ignoring me when I cried for them was that I knew from early on and the rest of my life they would not actually be available to me when I needed them and so I didn’t bother. As an older child, teen and young adult I didn’t feel I could ever have a problem, could ever be something other than happy and my parents were the last ones I would choose to go to if I was struggling with something. I felt ashamed of my emotions and then, who I was. There was no grace in my family, not really. Sure, it was spoken of often but not practiced. My mother wondered why I became distant, why I eventually stopped wanting her affection. It was because I knew that she could only accept me when I made her feel good, I felt as though I existed for her, like a puppy and she only wanted me when I was happy. When I became older I discovered that this distorted my view of God, I thought that God, like my parents, only wanted me when I was happy. I am so grateful that God led me to meet and know some wonderful people that could show me grace, allow me to be me and struggle with whatever I needed to struggle with. My faith was hanging in the balance. Now I know what unconditional love is like and am blessed to know the God of grace and love that comes to me when I cry for Him.

I don’t let my parents babysit my children, I don’t trust them. They still tell me I should follow these teachings but I will not harm my children the same way they harmed my brother and sister and I. And yes, all three of us were harmed and I am the only one that is even a Christian any more, my siblings want nothing to do with a God that would want parents to treat their children as you teach. The damage done by the teachings on this site are horrific including emotional, spiritual and physical abuse. Because of these twisted teachings my children rarely see their grandparents, I have to keep my children safe. I respond to my child’s cries and so far I have secure, healthy children that are learning how to be more than mindless, emotionless robots or puppies looking for a pat on the head. Adults don’t want to be treated this way, why would we treat children this way?

Matthew 7:9-12 “Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”

1 Thessalonians 2:7-8
But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.
you know how, like a father with his children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.

Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

By: Dee

Dee — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 20:35:53 +0000

Research shows that when you respond consistently to a baby’s cries under 6 mo, they actually cry less. That’s their only mode of communication, and they are NOT doing it to manipulate anyone. They don’t know how. When you respond to them, you build trust & communication. You teach the child that their efforts are effective & not futile. It builds the relationship b/t Mom & baby. I respond to mine & he usually doesn’t even cry, he more yells or “talks” to me, & I respond. Lazy & selfish moms will not like this, I know, but it’s the way it is. I totally agree with not letting children manipulate you when they know how, but babies DO NOT! Please stop writing such abusive things about babies. This is a much better way to handle babies, and if you don’t have the time to do this, don’t have them! http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/problems-littleones.asp

By: Angela

Angela — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 06:48:02 +0000

Suzzie has stopped crying not because she’s been ‘trained’ right but because she’s given up. Michael, how does a 3 month old actually articulate she wants mummy and daddy when language has not formally developed nor motor skills sufficiently to stand up walk over and say “excuse me mummy, please could you lift me up – I’m feeling rather insecure at the moment, being 3 months old and unable to talk much nor feed, cloth, walk, use my arms properly yet. Thankyou ever so kindly for listening to me”. No that’s right Michael they can’t.

If it’s okay to hit/’spank’/'pat’ a child when is it not okay to do this to an adult? In the church like on the street it’s called assault. Babies and children are fully human and even though not reached full maturity, they are protected by secular law as such. The bible verses about the ‘rod’ being spared leading to a wayward child is for me not about spanking your child but about using your brain to face the challenges of how you might discipline/guide them without the neaderthal slap and hits that are so easy to dish out.
If I went to a church that made me feel like a failure as a mum and embarressed by picking up my 3 mth old bub when it cried I’d be running out the door. Fortunately I go to a Christian church where I breastfeed my 2 year old up the front, people say ‘good on you luv’, and look with compassion and understanding at how hard the job of parenting can get at times AND help me to love my kids.

By: mamaofboys

mamaofboys — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 04:01:49 +0000

I completely disagree with this article. One of the only means of communication that a baby has is crying. When a baby cries, the baby needs something. Babies want to be held and paid attention to. I have had three babies and one on the way. I pick up my babies when they cry. My 7 and 5 and 2 year olds are well behaved and not spoiled from me picking them up when they cried as babies. In fact, that is what made us close. Ignoring a baby’s needs is only going to hurt the mother/ child relationship later.

By: ivory

ivory — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 12:41:40 +0000

Thanks a bunch-I needed this. My little one is 3 months old and is going thru this. He screams and then I pick him up because I have a hard time listening to it. But, starting today I am going to work on only picking him up when he is cheerful. Thanks for the reminder!