Many of you have written us about the problem of your older children wetting their beds. Through our extensive social outreach we have persuaded one of these tormented souls to go public with her confession. You will read in her very own words the chronicle of her bitter struggle to rise above domestic shame and a wet mattress.
“When I was growing up I wet on the bed. I hated wetting on the bed and would have done anything to be able to stop. I played hard and I slept hard. I simply could not wake up! No amount of medication, discipline, or shaming could change my personality. Today, I still run the day’s course like the road runner himself. At night I sleep like the dead. Thankfully, when I was nine years old, my bladder finally learned to adjust.
“My mom was a very practical woman. Every night she simply provided me with an old towel to stuff in my under pants, and brought clean sheets every morning. The heavy-duty rubber cover protected the mattress, while my mother protected our secret.
“To my shame, I never could spend the night away or go to camp without dread of wetting the bed.
“But mom—bless her heart—never added to my shame. She made it as easy as possible on me until nature allowed relief.
“To the many hundreds of moms who have written, I just want to say, ‘Relax,’ teach your bed-wetting children to privately put on a towel or diaper at night. Remind them to go to the bathroom, but don’t make an issue of it. They hate their problem more than you do. They are the ones who wake up cold, wet, smelly, and embarrassed.
“Just like some kids learn to walk late, others need time to grow out of this problem. Remember, someday your child may grow up and write an article on bed-wetting, or co-author a book on child training; so make sure you leave a good impression.”
This has been the confession of Debi Pearl. I do feel better now.
I’ve always suffered from this problem. My parents tried medication, shaming me, supporting me and then they just accepted it. I feel that adults who actually do still suffer this are largely ignored. I ended up writing a book about myself in the hopes to spark conversation and, hopefully, more research.
There were 3 bedwetters in our house when we were growing up. Brother, sister and myself. Mom & Dad never shamed, scolded or punished because of our bedwetting. It was explained quietly and patiently to us that bedwetting was not our fault and that we had no control over it. The 3 of us did wear diapers to bed (cloth with plastic pants) to insure a good nights sleep. We did outgrow it by age of 9 or 10. We were fine with the fact.
Thank you, Debi.
Ok I came from a split family and I wet the bed til I was 10. I lived with my dad and stepmom. I was made to sleep in the basement and forced to wash my sheets by hand in scalding hot water. Then I went to live with my mom. The first thing she did was to tackle this problem… she put me in loose fitting clothes no underwear with tight elastic a nightgown instead of pj bottoms that always had elastic. Then to help me I went to bed at 8 pm mom would wake me before she went to bed and take me to the bathroom. Oh and to let you know mom was so sure this would work that she let me sleep with her. i never wet the bed again and for 2 or 3 months mom never failed to wake me. I since have raised 3 children 2 boys and 1 girl and they were all trained the same way… with loving arms and a plan that was worth the fight. Thank you so much mom I am so lucky you came along. I hope someone reads this and understands that punishment doesn’t always work sometimes a loittle planning and a loving does work… Thank you again Mom I love you.
Ok I came from a split family and I wet the bed til I was 10. I lived with my dad and stepmom. I was made to sleep in the basement and forced to wash my sheets by hand in scalding hot water. Then I went to live with my mom. The first thing she did was to tackle this problem… she put me in loose fitting clothes no underwear with tight elastic a nightgown instead of pj bottoms that always had elastic. Then to help me I went to bed at 8 pm mom would wake me before she went to bed and take me to the bathroom. Oh and to let you know mom was so sure this would work that she let me sleep with her. i never wet the bed again and for 2 or 3 months mom never failed to wake me. I since have raised 3 children 2 boys and 1 girl and they were all trained the same way… with loving arms and a plan that was worth the fight. Thank you so much mom I am so lucky you came along. I hope someone reads this and understands that punishment doesn’t always work sometimes a loittle planning and a loving does work… Thank you again Mom I love you.
yea, I highly doubt she is this kind, and gentle with her kids if they wet the bed. They train the kids to be potty trained before they are well and ready. You are responsible for how you train your children, God will see how you handled his blessings here on earth. Punitive, graceless parenting is not something of God. You didn’t always obey, and he didn’t kill you. His loving kindness leads to repentance.
yea, I highly doubt she is this kind, and gentle with her kids if they wet the bed. They train the kids to be potty trained before they are well and ready. You are responsible for how you train your children, God will see how you handled his blessings here on earth. Punitive, graceless parenting is not something of God. You didn’t always obey, and he didn’t kill you. His loving kindness leads to repentance.
I think this was briefly mentioned but thought it worth repeating.
Let me first point out that not all chiropractors are “created equal” and mine who are wonderful are the first to point this out so references for well qualified Drs would be necessary. While not the case for all children but certainly a strong possibility for those in healthy homes and particularly those multi-generational bed wetters it may be a physiological issue easily solved with a few chiropractor visits. I have sent several families to our chiropractor who helped children discretely and quickly with this issue. It was not even necessary for the particularly embarrassed children to know what they were being treated for, in terms of saving them the embarrassment of them knowing the Dr was aware of the situation. Every family I have referred to our chiropractor has called to thank me. These children ranging in age from 5 to 15. One family that called me had “tried everything” including herbal supplements and the electronic device at night with no success until the chiropractor.
My youngest daughter had the opposite issue. She experienced frequent and severe bladder infections. Nothing in our diet or habits seemed to cause or help her problem and the Dr.’s had no advice for me. When I first took her to the chiropractor (not for the infections but because we were impressed with thr Dr and making the entire family her patients) I forgot to mention this problem as it had been months since the last incident. The chiropractor examined her and asked me if she suffered infections frequently, something she suspected because of the tilt of her bladder. I replied positively so she adjusted my daughter who wet the bed the next morning. Her entire life she never went to the bathroom until having been up for a couple of hours. It only took her a couple of mornings to learn her body’s new pattern and she has not had a painful bladder infection since that one adjustment.
Maybe not the solution for all but certainly if a reputable chiropractor is available in the community this would certainly be a valuable resource for the child suffering.
I think this was briefly mentioned but thought it worth repeating.
Let me first point out that not all chiropractors are “created equal” and mine who are wonderful are the first to point this out so references for well qualified Drs would be necessary. While not the case for all children but certainly a strong possibility for those in healthy homes and particularly those multi-generational bed wetters it may be a physiological issue easily solved with a few chiropractor visits. I have sent several families to our chiropractor who helped children discretely and quickly with this issue. It was not even necessary for the particularly embarrassed children to know what they were being treated for, in terms of saving them the embarrassment of them knowing the Dr was aware of the situation. Every family I have referred to our chiropractor has called to thank me. These children ranging in age from 5 to 15. One family that called me had “tried everything” including herbal supplements and the electronic device at night with no success until the chiropractor.
My youngest daughter had the opposite issue. She experienced frequent and severe bladder infections. Nothing in our diet or habits seemed to cause or help her problem and the Dr.’s had no advice for me. When I first took her to the chiropractor (not for the infections but because we were impressed with thr Dr and making the entire family her patients) I forgot to mention this problem as it had been months since the last incident. The chiropractor examined her and asked me if she suffered infections frequently, something she suspected because of the tilt of her bladder. I replied positively so she adjusted my daughter who wet the bed the next morning. Her entire life she never went to the bathroom until having been up for a couple of hours. It only took her a couple of mornings to learn her body’s new pattern and she has not had a painful bladder infection since that one adjustment.
Maybe not the solution for all but certainly if a reputable chiropractor is available in the community this would certainly be a valuable resource for the child suffering.
Bedwetting can also be caused by severe trauma. My mother died when I was 10 and suddenly I found myself wetting the bed frequently, when I had been dry at night since four or five. If something happens to your child that is very upsetting, please be on the lookout for possible bedwetting to occur. Also, if a previously dry child starts wetting suddenly, there could very well be a traumatic cause you are unaware of – bullying, perhaps. If it is a severe enough trauma that bedwetting is a symptom, your child will probably need some professional help. (Parental understanding and love goes without saying!)
Bedwetting can also be caused by severe trauma. My mother died when I was 10 and suddenly I found myself wetting the bed frequently, when I had been dry at night since four or five. If something happens to your child that is very upsetting, please be on the lookout for possible bedwetting to occur. Also, if a previously dry child starts wetting suddenly, there could very well be a traumatic cause you are unaware of – bullying, perhaps. If it is a severe enough trauma that bedwetting is a symptom, your child will probably need some professional help. (Parental understanding and love goes without saying!)
I have a brother-in-law who is 8. He wets the bed, sometimes 3 times a night. His main problem is soy…he is allergic and that’s how his body reacts. Soy is in just about everything and fed to even well cared for, organically fed animals, so its very hard to avoid or even no for sure what contains it. If you have a bed wetter, you may want to consider that it could be an allergic reaction.
I have a brother-in-law who is 8. He wets the bed, sometimes 3 times a night. His main problem is soy…he is allergic and that’s how his body reacts. Soy is in just about everything and fed to even well cared for, organically fed animals, so its very hard to avoid or even no for sure what contains it. If you have a bed wetter, you may want to consider that it could be an allergic reaction.
Bedwetting can also be caused by bacterial imbalance in the bladder and urethra…the tissue gets inflamed from bad bacteria and must expel the urine before the person has a chance to wake. Bedwetting is becoming more common, even for adults, just as imbalance of flora in the gut is more common. This can be helped with diet, probiotic foods, and, applying kefir to the groin area daily. For more info look up the GAPS diet.
Bedwetting can also be caused by bacterial imbalance in the bladder and urethra…the tissue gets inflamed from bad bacteria and must expel the urine before the person has a chance to wake. Bedwetting is becoming more common, even for adults, just as imbalance of flora in the gut is more common. This can be helped with diet, probiotic foods, and, applying kefir to the groin area daily. For more info look up the GAPS diet.
My daughter is now 9 years old and wets the bed every night (if we do not get her up.) Up until she was about 6, she was still having “accidents” in the day as well. I tried a chiropractor, but it didn’t help. Between the ages of 4 and 6, she began having chronic bladder infections. (Every couple of months, she would have a fever of 104.00 – I would take her to the doctor and sure enough it would be a infection.) I knew that the continual antibiotics weren’t good for her, but didnt know what to do about it. I finally found a good urologist who knew what the problem was right away! She had a simple outpatient surgery. Thankfully, the infections have stopped as well as the daytime wetting. The night time wetting is still a problem…but I have figured out ways to deal with it. First, I make sure she uses the bathroom right before bed. Then, I get her up every night at the same time (2:30 am). It only takes a few minutes and most of the time she dosent even remember it in the morning. Also, I purchased some thick washable bed pads. I just layer her bedding. (You may want to use a plastic sheet over the mattress for extra protection.) Then I put a bed pad with a fitted sheet on top, and then another pad with a fitted sheet on top of that. (If you have a heavy wetter, you may want to layer with two pads.) By doing this, if she has had an accident before I get her up, I can just peel off the top layer and throw them in the washer, and the second layer is ready for her to go right back to bed on. I know eventually she will grow out of it. In the meantime, I will just keep “layering” and be patient.
My daughter is now 9 years old and wets the bed every night (if we do not get her up.) Up until she was about 6, she was still having “accidents” in the day as well. I tried a chiropractor, but it didn’t help. Between the ages of 4 and 6, she began having chronic bladder infections. (Every couple of months, she would have a fever of 104.00 – I would take her to the doctor and sure enough it would be a infection.) I knew that the continual antibiotics weren’t good for her, but didnt know what to do about it. I finally found a good urologist who knew what the problem was right away! She had a simple outpatient surgery. Thankfully, the infections have stopped as well as the daytime wetting. The night time wetting is still a problem…but I have figured out ways to deal with it. First, I make sure she uses the bathroom right before bed. Then, I get her up every night at the same time (2:30 am). It only takes a few minutes and most of the time she dosent even remember it in the morning. Also, I purchased some thick washable bed pads. I just layer her bedding. (You may want to use a plastic sheet over the mattress for extra protection.) Then I put a bed pad with a fitted sheet on top, and then another pad with a fitted sheet on top of that. (If you have a heavy wetter, you may want to layer with two pads.) By doing this, if she has had an accident before I get her up, I can just peel off the top layer and throw them in the washer, and the second layer is ready for her to go right back to bed on. I know eventually she will grow out of it. In the meantime, I will just keep “layering” and be patient.
I am the mother of nine and of this number, I have had six bed wetters past the age of 7. My eldest is now 26 years of age. Some of them were in their teens before they overcame this obstacle.
Shortly before I got married, my then husband to be told me that he still had an issue with bed wetting and had lived with the humiliation of this fact for nearly 20 years. He, too, had been wakened several times in the night to avoid having an “accident” to no avail. The only thing he got from it was a sleepless night and the torment of “dealing with the issue” come morning such as scrubbing the sheets in the tub before breakfast. When we had children, before it was discovered that there may be bed wetting issues in our home, my husband told me that none of our children would be shamed for having this problem. We were going to do everything we could possibly do and love them through it. On the other hand, none of the children were allowed to ignore the consequences of this by failing to keep themselves clean and the bedding removed and put to be laundered. We felt that even though the problem was not a fault, it was still none the less an issue of which they needed to assume ownership. They were required to take care of themselves (to the best of their ability) and their surroundings so that no one could discover their secret by neglect. I purchased “pull up” type underpants to help them get the rest that they needed plus made sure their bedding was kept clean and plastic sheeting kept on the mattress. Not once was a child scolded or punished for wetting the bed but on more than one occasion, discipline was necessary to remind them of their responsibility to clean up. God has helped most of them to out grow the issue and today they are confident children and adults because we chided for the neglect of obvious responsibilities and not for the physical issue they had.
I am the mother of nine and of this number, I have had six bed wetters past the age of 7. My eldest is now 26 years of age. Some of them were in their teens before they overcame this obstacle.
Shortly before I got married, my then husband to be told me that he still had an issue with bed wetting and had lived with the humiliation of this fact for nearly 20 years. He, too, had been wakened several times in the night to avoid having an “accident” to no avail. The only thing he got from it was a sleepless night and the torment of “dealing with the issue” come morning such as scrubbing the sheets in the tub before breakfast. When we had children, before it was discovered that there may be bed wetting issues in our home, my husband told me that none of our children would be shamed for having this problem. We were going to do everything we could possibly do and love them through it. On the other hand, none of the children were allowed to ignore the consequences of this by failing to keep themselves clean and the bedding removed and put to be laundered. We felt that even though the problem was not a fault, it was still none the less an issue of which they needed to assume ownership. They were required to take care of themselves (to the best of their ability) and their surroundings so that no one could discover their secret by neglect. I purchased “pull up” type underpants to help them get the rest that they needed plus made sure their bedding was kept clean and plastic sheeting kept on the mattress. Not once was a child scolded or punished for wetting the bed but on more than one occasion, discipline was necessary to remind them of their responsibility to clean up. God has helped most of them to out grow the issue and today they are confident children and adults because we chided for the neglect of obvious responsibilities and not for the physical issue they had.
I actually have a question more than a comment. I have heard that causticum is suppose to help with bed wetting. Does anyone know if it works? I’m planning on trying it with my 8yr old, but haven’t yet. Of coarse if she’s like Debbie she only has a few more months.
I actually have a question more than a comment. I have heard that causticum is suppose to help with bed wetting. Does anyone know if it works? I’m planning on trying it with my 8yr old, but haven’t yet. Of coarse if she’s like Debbie she only has a few more months.
I wet the bed until I was 8 and nothing helped… I just grew out of it.
My 4 & 6 year old sons wet and wear pull ups to contain the mess. I learned a chiropractor can help and we began visiting weekly. In 2 months worth of weekly adjustments, my 4 year old no longer wets and my 6 year old has greatly decreased in volume. They had both been saturating through the pull ups.
My chiropractor explained that their low spine was out of alignment and the weekly adjustments correct it and gradually their spine learns to hold the position. Bed wetting can be resolved through chiropractic realignment.
I wet the bed until I was 8 and nothing helped… I just grew out of it.
My 4 & 6 year old sons wet and wear pull ups to contain the mess. I learned a chiropractor can help and we began visiting weekly. In 2 months worth of weekly adjustments, my 4 year old no longer wets and my 6 year old has greatly decreased in volume. They had both been saturating through the pull ups.
My chiropractor explained that their low spine was out of alignment and the weekly adjustments correct it and gradually their spine learns to hold the position. Bed wetting can be resolved through chiropractic realignment.
I was a bedwetter, whom was shamed for this. I was screamed at, made to wash out my sheets before going to school, hit & threatened. I could not do sleep overs. Iam now 51yrsold & still deal w/ the shame of my childhood. I stopped wetting at the age of 12, got into alcohol & drugs to numb my pain. Please don’t ever scould your child for this problem. It will affect the rest of their life.
I was a bedwetter, whom was shamed for this. I was screamed at, made to wash out my sheets before going to school, hit & threatened. I could not do sleep overs. Iam now 51yrsold & still deal w/ the shame of my childhood. I stopped wetting at the age of 12, got into alcohol & drugs to numb my pain. Please don’t ever scould your child for this problem. It will affect the rest of their life.
My toddler was well potty trained by 9 months old and did not wet the bed at all. During a time when we were between house and apartment and staying with my parents, my mother made me give her a sippy to go to bed with until she adjusted to sleeping at their house. Against my better judgement I did this to keep the peace because she couldn’t tolerate a little fussing before bed. (Babies know when grandma is weak). Anyway, She has been wetting the bed since. She sleeps so deep she don’t even wake up when saturated to the hair in her own urine.
After reading “To train up a child” I have decided to get back on the good parent wagon and took away the sipee and started curving those bedtime tantrums. She has gone 4 days now without an accident at night. It is mainly to do with lack of liquids 2 hrs before bedtime. I do not spank her for getting up at 3 am to go potty or even 6 am because she isn’t tired anymore. I don’t believe in lazy parents so I get up when she does or before.
Thanks Pearl for an excellent book. To anyone with a bedwetter, check the cause, be it terrified to use the bathroom at night, can’t hold it til morning, or just to lazy to get up and go. Make sure it is not a medical condition as well.
My toddler was well potty trained by 9 months old and did not wet the bed at all. During a time when we were between house and apartment and staying with my parents, my mother made me give her a sippy to go to bed with until she adjusted to sleeping at their house. Against my better judgement I did this to keep the peace because she couldn’t tolerate a little fussing before bed. (Babies know when grandma is weak). Anyway, She has been wetting the bed since. She sleeps so deep she don’t even wake up when saturated to the hair in her own urine.
After reading “To train up a child” I have decided to get back on the good parent wagon and took away the sipee and started curving those bedtime tantrums. She has gone 4 days now without an accident at night. It is mainly to do with lack of liquids 2 hrs before bedtime. I do not spank her for getting up at 3 am to go potty or even 6 am because she isn’t tired anymore. I don’t believe in lazy parents so I get up when she does or before.
Thanks Pearl for an excellent book. To anyone with a bedwetter, check the cause, be it terrified to use the bathroom at night, can’t hold it til morning, or just to lazy to get up and go. Make sure it is not a medical condition as well.
I just have put in a plug for bedwetting alarms. I used one for my son and it did exactly as it said; it trained him to wake up when he was just starting to wet, and he was able to recognize in his sleep when his bladder was starting to empty and control it. It worked in less than 4 weeks, although it can take up to 12.
I just have put in a plug for bedwetting alarms. I used one for my son and it did exactly as it said; it trained him to wake up when he was just starting to wet, and he was able to recognize in his sleep when his bladder was starting to empty and control it. It worked in less than 4 weeks, although it can take up to 12.
I cannot tell you how reading this article blessed me. I have seen so many positions taken on this issue but none have rung in my heart like what you have said here.
I am one who wet the bed until a late age. It was a frustrating battle to fight. I wanted to quit but I couldn’t.
My mom, bless her heart was dealing with two bed wetters and transferred the issues from my sister onto my situation. The issues were not the same.
All I can say is that your approach is the right one. It hasn’t been till recently, at the age of 25, that I have been able to identify the issues that made me the bed wetter that I was. We had a broken home and I missed my daddy. I was an extremely insecure child also. It makes me wonder what an hour of being held before I went to bed would have done for my problem.
If your child wets the bed, I can tell you from my personal experience, they need more support, not less.
I grew out of it. They will too.
Thank you again for posting this.
I cannot tell you how reading this article blessed me. I have seen so many positions taken on this issue but none have rung in my heart like what you have said here.
I am one who wet the bed until a late age. It was a frustrating battle to fight. I wanted to quit but I couldn’t.
My mom, bless her heart was dealing with two bed wetters and transferred the issues from my sister onto my situation. The issues were not the same.
All I can say is that your approach is the right one. It hasn’t been till recently, at the age of 25, that I have been able to identify the issues that made me the bed wetter that I was. We had a broken home and I missed my daddy. I was an extremely insecure child also. It makes me wonder what an hour of being held before I went to bed would have done for my problem.
If your child wets the bed, I can tell you from my personal experience, they need more support, not less.
I grew out of it. They will too.
Thank you again for posting this.