These experiences have helped me figure out who I am today, and have been instrumental in showing me what I need in a husband.
When I was 17, my cousins and friends, who are a few years older than I, all started getting married. So I naturally thought, “Well, I guess I should get married, too, because it seems to be the next step in life.” But the guy I would have married then and the guy I would marry now are two completely different types of men. I didn’t even know myself yet, much less what I should look for in a man.
I think, as homeschoolers, we are raised with the idea that marriage is the next important step in the school of life. I believe that attitude limits a person. I want to do something significant with my life, including learning all I have a capacity to comprehend, all for the purpose of making an eternal difference. I encourage girls to think: What are your dreams, what do you want to do, what do you want to know? Get out and do something, whether it’s starting a business (which could include homemaking skills), or buying a piece of land. Go help out a missionary for six months. It will give you a whole new outlook on life and an appreciation for missionaries! It will grow you, give you more confidence, and help you figure out what you need in a husband. Every man is attracted to a woman who’s busy with abundant life, someone who is on the front side of making things happen.
Years ago I was chatting with a married couple who are good friends of mine, and who know me well. They helped me to figure out what I, personally, needed in a man. I wrote a list that day of five things I most need in a man!
1. I know that I need a Strong Leader who’s not going to let me shove him around. I want someone who is going to stand up and be the man!
2. Yet I need someone who is Open-minded, who will listen to all my crazy theories about life!
3. He needs to be Passionate, so that whatever he does, he does it with a fire under his boots!
4. I want him to be Spontaneous, full of zeal about life, and not afraid to jump into an adventure. I am a very enthusiastic person, and I love to do things on the spur of the moment. I want to marry someone I can jump on board with!
5. And I must have a man who Loves and Honors God and is already actively serving the Lord and has a deep-seated vision for life.
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I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. 3 John 4
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i read this and it somewhat reminds me of me. I finished college and became an art teacher...not dating until i was 23...Since i was in middle school i was taught that christian girls should write a list of what they think they would like in a husband and wait for this guy..or weed out the ones who don't make the list. I really tried to follow this, until i realized that i didn't always know what was best for me. I would be very unhappy if i would have kept to my list, even the spiritual part..like what i think he should be like spiritually (of coarse going after God). When i was 23 i met my husband and we married over a year later, does he meet that list, no. Did i marry the right person? TOTALLY. I also realized that my former thoughts of my dream guy weren't reality and i am not ordering a man from a menue... they come with life experiences and struggles (something i just thought wouldn't happen if i lived a good christin girl life). Now that i am married, life is not perfect but i found that God put my husband and i together and we are perfet for each other. I wouldn't have guessed that this guy would have been my husband a few years ago, but now i would have no one else! i read your help meet book and it has been awesome- it just works. It has helped me realize that men are not perfect and they aren't what you thought they would be (as in my youthful daydreams of the man i would wait for) but humanly speaking with life's struggles its been great. As i have learned to respect him he loves me and shows it in so many ways... I say all of this as part of the letter by the 22 year old because sometimes its good to know what you are looking for in a guy, but be open for the Lord to give you what He wants. I also know that by 22 you know what you want compared to a middle schooler. It just brought up a lot of thoughts i had as a young christian girl and the "story book" man i thought i was going to marry.
I noticed your post about wanting a guy who can stand up to you. I have a sister who is strong willed, and she married a strong willed man, and as such, they are perfect together. If either one of them had married a wallflower, they would have crushed the other.
However, isn't it your responsibility to learn to temper your own actions and reactions to things, rather than relying on the strength of someone else's will to relate well? This would be in line with the fruit of the Holy Spirit of gentleness.
Unless we are going at the assumption that men should dominate the household, and therefore he should be so strong willed that he will ignore my wise helpmeet counsel and ignore me when I express my feelings or needs. That also strikes me as ignoring that this future husband needs to have fully developed the fruits of the Holy Spirit as well. gentleness should have full reign in his life. As a matter of fact, as the leader in the home, it will be important that he demonstrate even MORE the fruit of gentleness.
Wonderful article!!! It says everything that I feel about guys and marriage 🙂
😀 I notice you didn't sign your article --- which was no doubt a wise choice, lest you be drowned in the deluge of responses from guys convinced they are just that man you're looking for (... and probably also hoping that's your actual picture up there 🙂 )!
But, good points and good advice!
... And also good points by Steph!