Question

Posted Friday, February 28th, 2014 09:23 am GMT -6

My boyfriend (who is a Christian and we have talked with his family about potential marriage and etc) has watched porn for a number of his teenage years. He currently is in an accountability group with other guys and they are reading a book called “lust is not the problem, sex is,” by Joshua Harris. When him and I talked about his previous habit (he stopped about 2 months ago he says), I felt sad when he told me about the years of this habit and he also felt ashamed. He said he didnt want to tell me, and that his dad had talked to him about how bad that habit was. He is a God-seeking man, but this habit breaks my heart.

I felt attractive to my boyfriend but after I found out about that habit I haven’t felt attractive to him and we have talked about this. He appologizes. I try to not make him feel “bad” but just to say it makes me sad he had fallen to that sin, however I undersand and I have told him that I understand. I have a female friend who also struggled with porn and from talking with her over the last year I can understand a little more how that temptation works.

I am scared that my boyfriend will never actually end this habit, though. And I am also afraid that he is and will never be truly attracted to me. He says I am beautiful and he is a very sweet kind man who seeks God. However, the porn thing just breaks my heart. What should I do???????

Answers

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  1. kingsdaughter7

    Hello Liana. I am sorry about this. Its not any girl’s wish to know that their future spouse has been into porn. I would definitely pray that God would give you the strength and courage to let this go. If he is exactly what you say, he’s sincere and is done with it once and for all, then I believe that would be the best thing to do. We are all sinners. Guys happen to be made visual (God made them that way!) And since us girls don’t know what goes on in their brain, we tend to judge them for it.

    But how do you think they’d feel if they knew what went on in OUR brains? Many girls who hadn’t surrendered their thought life completely to Jesus are constantly daydreaming, and fantasyzing about who a perfect man should be like. Even the strongest girls have to watch their thoughts. If we don’t want them to wish we were “more beautiful” or have a “good body”, then we shouldn’t be wishing for them to be “more charming” or a “better gentlemen.” I’m not saying that you do this, my point is that if God shows you that he truly is sincere, then you should surrender this to Him and let Him be the judge.

    Pray for him!! Temptations come even to the strongest in faith. He knows what hr could be looking at and just continue to pray that he will resist it. For the more you resist temptations, the less they’ll find you.

    I would also check with the pastor of his church (or yours if you go to the same one) and youth leaders and parents to see how he is doing. I hope and pray that there is nothing amiss but sometimes guys who were into porn said they gave it up and after he got married his wife finds that her “strong, spiritual giant” husband has never given it up. If you do find out that he is still into it then let him know you know, and end thr relationship. Like I said before I hope with all my heart that this isn’t the case though! I hope this answer helped you in some way at least. God bless you! My heart goes out to you!

    # Monday, March 3rd, 2014 05:04 pm GMT -6

  2. brenna

    I personally would not continue this relationship. It is right of you to feel hesitant. Most girls do not realize how messed up a guy’s brain can be after years of porn watching. They have developed pathways in their brains and thought patterns that you do not want to live with for the rest of you life as a wife. Even if they have confessed and have given up the habit, they still will struggle with impure thoughts that guys don’t struggle with if they have kept themselves pure through their teenage years. And believe me, there are pure guys out there. I know many of them. You just have to be patient and wait for God’s perfect plan. Don’t settle for less than His best in your life.

    # Sunday, March 9th, 2014 03:32 pm GMT -6

  3. raggedycottagegarden

    Do not establish a relationship with a man who has watched porn.

    The old adam and eve sin nature brew generation to generation no matter what science says and a man who’s mind had been involved with “strange woman” will not be good husband quality.

    # Tuesday, March 18th, 2014 06:40 pm GMT -6

    • meetitwithjoy

      “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” Romans 8:1
      In Jesus Christ we have freedom and forgiveness for all sin, whether it’s lying, pride, or porn.

      If there is only room in our Christian lives for those who have never messed up, then what’s the point of Jesus’s death for sinners?

      “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” 2 Co 5:17

      # Friday, September 5th, 2014 01:19 pm GMT -6