Question

Posted September 10, 2012

tdomf_a672a

We just got the Sept-Oct NGJ today- My interest was definitely piqued when I read Shalom’s article. I really did not know what things were like outside of my (rural farming) area. It’s frightening to hear that it is somewhat the same in other places…I know of so many WONDERFUL Christian young ladies in their late 20s who are still waiting for their man to come along, and it makes me think- if these amazing girls are not married, then how would I ever have a chance at finding a husband? I have to say, reading the article was very depressing- mostly because it collaborated with what I’ve already seen and didn’t want to admit.
I got to thinking- is there any way that we gals can help to remedy this situation? I know that the most important thing is prayer- we must pray for godly men to be raised up, young men who are ready to raise a family. But what else could we do?
I also was thinking- perhaps I am too picky. Could that be part of the problem? Am I expecting these young men to be spiritual giants while I excuse my own faults?
Another thing-if there are no mature young men around us, should we gals then “settle” for someone we think would be less than ideal? (I’m talking about rational concerns now, not just girlish whims.)
I really want to be married someday… I mean REALLY. It is really depressing then when I survey this state of affairs! 🙁 I’m sure most of you girls know how I feel!
It is even harder in my area, because there really are not that many men period, let alone “marriage aterial” guys! (I guess that’s why I should be going to the Texas shindig! 🙂
So ladies and gals, what are your thoughts on this issue?

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  1. CJ (guest)

    Totally agree with you. It is depressing. I think the best thing we can do is pray and encourage the young men around us to become real men if you know what I mean. Don’t get too discouraged . . . I promise there are great, godly guys out there!! 🙂

    # September 11, 2012

  2. Katie G. (guest)

    I was a little discouraged too. I already knew that percentage-wise, there are fewer Christian guys out there than girls, but Shalom’s article seemed to make it hit home a little harder!
    Well… the only thing I can think of is to be as much of an encouragement to the guys we know who might be struggling, so that maybe our godly influence will help them to want to make wiser decisions in the future. Perhaps they will end up being spiritually mature enough to marry our younger sisters.
    I have three sisters and three brothers, and spiritually my sisters are way more mature than the boys.
    I also have couple of friends. The guy is 19. The girl is 17. She is way more mature than him, and he likes her. I don’t think they would ever be a good match, but she is a wonderful influence on him. (And she doesn’t flirt or anything, he knows that she is not interested. She’s just a really good friend whom he knows he can trust.) Becuase of her influence, I think he will grow up someday.
    Just a thought.

    # September 14, 2012

  3. Lara (guest)

    By rational concerns vs. whims, I meant, should you settle for a guy who believes differently from you, or has some character issues…

    # September 14, 2012

  4. Shalom (Staff)

    Hi girls, I thought I would expound on the article I wrote in the NGJ newsletter that you are talking about. I wrote it, did not like it, it got printed, I reread it, and still did not like it. Though it is true, it was not what I was trying to write, and convey. I just see so many girls waiting around for Mr. Right and that is not what God has called young ladies to do. 1 Cor. “There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried women CARETH for the things of the LORD, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: But she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” Yes! God created us to be a helpmeet to our husbands, but he also wants those that are unmarried to serve him. “ The unmarried women careth for the things of the Lord” I do not know about you girls but I do know that most of the girls I know care more about getting married then they do about serving God. You said “maybe we are too picky as to what we want” I do believe that is true at times, we all want the best God has for us. My Dad writes in the Booklet “To Betroth or Not to Betroth” A person that lives his life by his own best devices and does not get daily guidance from God has no right to expect anything special when it comes to marriage.” If we are not obeying scripture and caring for the things of the Lord then how do we expect to meet that special man that God has for us. I heard a story last week where a girl was in Africa ministering. There were no other white people around. She was where God wanted her and do you know what? A man came there to minister as well, not knowing that she was there and they soon married. I heard another story not long ago where a young girl went to work in an orphanage in Mexico and was there for several years with no prospects of marriage. But a young man came to work there and they were soon married. I believe these ladies are getting Gods best, don’t you? I also like what Lara said, I do think we can do something about the lack of God fearing men out there. In chapter 1 of the preparing book Mom talks about praying not for you to find a husband but pray that God would rise up men to serve him. I know several young men that would make wonderful fathers, great husbands and are very hard working, but they are not saved, they are just good guys, raised by good parents, but do not know the Lord. There are lots of good guys out there that were not raised in a God fearing home, but if they were to get saved they would make a difference in this word. So I want you girls to do two things, start caring for the things of the Lord and start praying that God will work in the hearts of young men around the world. If you want to be inspired by a young ladies walk in serving the Lord, Google “Kisses for Katie.” Oh, and remember the article Mom/Debi wrote about big lights and little lights and how guys lights get brighter as they get older and gain more wisdom. That is true even in my own husband. He was just a young 20 year old kid when we married. He is now a wonderful husband and father. We have been married ten wonderful years this past week. Shalom

    # September 18, 2012

    • CJ (guest)

      Thanks for expounding. I agree that there are a lot of girls who just think about boys and marriage. 😛 I try not to be like that. I am extremely busy, serving our community, school, etc. etc. etc.
      However I do get into “moods” where I like to think about my future husband, whoever he is. When this happens I go to my prayer journal I keep for my future husband and I spill out my heart. I write letters to him, prayers for him, etc. Then I go about with my life. 🙂

      # September 19, 2012

  5. Caralee

    I just want to confirm what Shalom said and to encourage you ladies to really serve God while you are single. She is right in that many young ladies are more concerned with finding a guy than serving God. Being a single gal, you have so many wonderful opportunities now to reach the world for God.

    I also want to tell you that there ARE men out there. As she said, we may not see them around, but that does not mean they do not exist. When I was looking for a guy, there were many men around, but none that were really Christians. So while there were many fish in my pond, there were none to choose from (and at the time, I lived in a city of over 2 million people and there were many churches in this city full of young men). SOOOO I prayed that he would come to my church all the while I served in the church and worked and enjoyed life. I did not stress about it. And voila, he came at the right time. The thing is not whether he comes to where you are or you end up meeting him elsewhere (as we alll will have different experiences…there is no one formula in finding a guy), but it is that you are praying as Shalom said and serving and living life with zest for God.

    Secondly, you must remember ladies, we women often think we are more mature and spiritual than the boys, but honestly, I think the guys are just as spiritual as we are. They just don’t show it as much or share it. And I believe they are often more real than we are. I have learned this from experience. 🙂

    So don’t get downhearted or look at your circumstances. That will get you nowhere. Look to God. He is where your reality comes from.

    # September 19, 2012