Question

Posted September 17, 2012

tdomf_a672a

So, not sure quite what I want to ask, but probably looking for encouragement as much as advice. I love the Lord and am commited to purity. I have very high standards of what I want in a husband and am keeping busy with work and serving others. And theres this guy…. ๐Ÿ˜‰ My family moved to this area around 4 years ago and even then I noticed him. He is the godliest young man I have ever met-maybe even the godliest man I have ever met. He has such a servants heart and has such a hunger to serve God and devours his word. I see him growing in his faith all the time and his is constantly encouraging others. He has a vision and pursues God wholeheartedly. I am REALLY attracted to him. He is also very hansome but the funny thing is I didn’t even realize that until recently. I always noticed him because of his kindness and heart for the Lord.
I pray for him a lot that God would stregnthen him and help him to continue to grow in his faith. And I pray for God’s will to be done in both of our lives.
I am a very busy person and always am busy with more projects and interests than I can keep up with. I just graduated from high school this spring and have hardly even started my single years. I am so happy and content in my life right now, yet I also long to be loved by a godly man. These feelings are so strong. Is it wrong to feel this way? Am I getting distracted? But the thing is, this godly man always encourages me onto godliness. Whenever I think of him I always want to seek God more recklessly and serve him from a purer heart.
This past January my brother started a young peoples Bible study in our home and, you guessed it, Mr. godly guy started coming. Then my brother worked with him on his dad’s farm for awhile and they are now really close friends. Then in the last few months we started going to the same home church as him. We are friends but I wouldn’t say we were close friends. I think he respects me as a Christian sister who is trying to seek the Lord. However, he has never pursed me at all.
Is it okay for me to like him so strongly? Every time I try to revaluate my feelings I realize I like him for all the right reasons. When I read through my journals from the last few years I see that he is everything I’ve prayed for in a husband. But he hasn’t pursued me-prehaps never will. How do I grow in friendship with him without expecting more? How do I stay patient and not get grabby? I don’t want to ruin our friendship or distract him from serving the Lord. I am pretty reserved person so I don’t think he has any idea how I feel about him. I am only 18 and he is also quite young so I realize he may not even start considering a relationship with anyone for quite awhile. What is my role as a friend? How much interest can I show without scaring him off? I think that if he is not interested and finds out that I am he will pull way back and that friendship might be awakward. He just doesn’t want any distractions and is so careful to avoid even the apearence of evil and would never want to give me the wrong impression. Anyway, what do you do when you meet and amazing guy and God doesn’t say yes or no but just wait?

Answers

Comments are currently closed for this page.
Comments are closed.

  1. Miracle Baby (guest)

    Oh dear sister, I am going through the same thing you are!!!!!!!! But i am 2 years younger:) So girls out there! Some answers please????

    # September 17, 2012

  2. Sarah Beth (guest)

    Wait! Be patient! Don’t push him. The young man should always start it. Keep your mind pure too as well as your actions. Get in God’s Word and seek Him in. Ask the Lord what you should do. Don’t give in to to bad thoughts. Don’t become consumed. A young lady should be so in love with the Lord that the young man has to seek out God to get to know her. It is normal to have those kinds of thoguhts especially since he sounds like he is such a godly young man. Just don’t get carried away and let him make the first move towards you. I hope all goes well you. You both sound like great people.

    # September 17, 2012

  3. Sunflower (guest)

    I wrote this a while ago so here is some new information.
    I have talked to my mom about him and she said that if the Lord took things in that direction she would be absolutely fine with it. I really wanted to talk to her about him and ask her if she had any concerns about his character because I really have not seen any red-flags in his life and respect him so much. She had no concerns whatsoever and also greatly respects him. He loves the Lord and is a very genuine person. This is what is most attractive about him.
    Also, recently my brother started confiding in me about a young lady he is preparing to ask to date/court. We really have had a good time encouraging each other and I made a comment that made him ask me if I had experience feeling like that. I told him sortof and he guessed this young man right away. When I asked him why, if I had been acting weird or anything, he said no, he just knew that he would be the kind of guy I would want.
    I almost wonder if he knows I like him because of the way I smile and light up when he’s around. I really don’t want to push him or end our friendship. Also, I pray for him but realize that God has not told me for sure that he is the one. I know from his character that if he asked me I would say yes in a heartbeat but there is no garuntee that he will ask me, or that he has ever even thought of me in that way. How much can I like and respect him before there is an understanding. I can’t seem to help liking him because he is seriously exactly the man I have always prayed for. Can I ask God to help him notice me or is this the wrong attitude. I really do trust God and want only His will so I don’t want to pray amiss. I really want to know how to keep my feelings in balance without stifling them if this is God at work. So again, what do you do when God doesn’t say yes or no but just wait? Thanks for any replies!

    # September 17, 2012

  4. Daddys Girl (guest)

    When God says wait, you wait:) They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength!!!!!!
    As for him noticing you, do you want him to notice your body or your love for the LORD?

    # September 18, 2012

  5. Anna (guest)

    You actually answered your own question, You asked what to do when God asks you to wait? You wait. With a prayerful expectant heart. And you believe with all your heart that God has a perfect plan for your life whether or not it includes this young man.
    Also this time in your life is a special time to serve God in a way that you can’t when you are married. Focus on serving God and bringing honor and glory to Him. Turn your heart towards God and seek His face. If this is the right man for you it will come from him. Sometimes waiting is the hardest thing but it is extremely important.

    # September 18, 2012

  6. Naomi (guest)

    Sunflower,

    I’m facing this very same battle, and my story is much the same as yours. I admired this man without even knowing it for quite a while, fell in love with his family, then one day I realized what a nice-looking fellow he was — and from that point I was lost. I feel loopy whenever he’s around and generally think he’s the most amazing man I’ve ever met. ๐Ÿ™‚ Ha, ha.

    It’s not easy, is it? Seeing as I’m struggling from day to day myself, I can’t offer you a whole lot of advice, but I can at least tell you how the Lord has helped me. I don’t think anything anyone can say will make it easier for you because itโ€™s your battle to fight, but maybe we can encourage you a little. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Once we begin desiring a certain thing, we then begin investing thoughts and feelings into it. Those thoughts and, hence, feelings, make the desire grow. Now, if that desire is from God that is a good and natural thing. However, at this point we don’t want to do that because we don’t know that it is the Lord’s will. We can quickly get ourselves into a battle: our will with God’s will, not in harmony but in discord! That is never a good place to be. Until we KNOW for SURE that this thing is according to God’s perfect plan — this is where it gets really hard — we need to think, feel, act, and live as if we know that. But our feelings tell us otherwise, don’t they? ๐Ÿ™‚

    As in your case, I believe my family thinks a lot of this young man and they’ve talked about the two of us with a “certain something” in mind, but because I’ve not let on they donโ€™t know how deep my own admiration for him goes. I think that’s when it gets really hard: when you’re family is for it, too. But even that fact doesn’t substantiate your dreams, so keep your feet on the ground, sister! (chuckle)

    It’s a struggle for sure! But it all begins in the mind, your thoughts and imaginations. And God says, “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Cor. 10:5). That word “captivity” carries the thought of capturing an enemy in battle. That enemy thought is going to try to escape its captivity, but God gives you the strength to keep in under control. Remind yourself of what is true; don’t go into a little fantasy world of “what could be” because that may never be. Until he pursues you, and you know for SURE that he is pursuing you and you’re not just guessing, AND you know that it’s God’s will, then investing in those thoughts and feelings is taking you nowhere. And he may NEVER pursue you. That’s hard to accept, but that’s the truth.

    Place your hope and expectations in God. โ€œMy soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.โ€ (Ps. 62:5) Walk deeper and closer into your relationship with Him. Get on your knees and get to know your God. Pursue Him. Seek Him until your will becomes one with His will. It might take a lot of time and He may have to do a lot of refining in your heart, but no matter what it takes itโ€™s worth it. It is the best thing in the world to desire the will of God above our own will because His will is perfect and ours isn’t.

    And what does His will for our lives look like? Itโ€™s exceeding abundantly above all we can ask or think! He desires to give good things to us. He has a perfect, flawless, good plan for our lives and He cares even more than we do about it being accomplished in us. He knows better than we do what will fulfill and complete us. He created us, after all, so He should know what suits us!

    Just let Him be God. If there is anything else that you are placing hope in, that is an area where you are not trusting God. And if youโ€™re not trusting Him completely, youโ€™re really not trusting Him at all.

    Simply, delight in your God. โ€œDelight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.โ€ (Ps. 37:4) We tend to focus more on the second part of that verse when the most satisfying and rewarding part is delighting in Him! He is our โ€œexceeding great rewardโ€ (Gen. 15:1), not His gifts! Spending time with Him, getting to know Him, hearing His voice, and knowing His will is the best thing you can ever do in your life. And when we delight in Him, we delight in His will. โ€œI delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart.โ€ (Ps. 40:8) As we seek God, our desires change. He gives His desires to us. God may have someone completely different in mind for us. At this point, it seems impossible that we could possibly want anything else than this beautiful dream to come true. It seems so perfect. But our plans are not perfect. Only Godโ€™s plans are perfectly flawless and they are the only thing worth pursuing, for nothing else will last.

    I know this may be hard to take. As I write it I’m bucking against it all, too! ๐Ÿ™‚ But sometimes we just need to step back and not take our feelings so seriously. What we need to take seriously is what God desires to do in our lives because it is going to be AMAZING!!! He is so trustworthy. He doesn’t make mistakes. He never fails. He LOVES us!!!

    Now, can we ask Him about anything? He is our Father and He wants to hear about every care that presses on our hearts. “He knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.” (Ps. 103:14) He tells us to cast all of our cares upon Him, for he careth for us (1 Pet. 5:7). “All” means ALL. There is absolutely NOTHING we can’t tell Him. He WANTS to hear our prayers. That is what prayer is all about: a relationship with Him! It’s when we refuse to take our cares to Him that we continue to carry them ourselves and then we get so weary and confused.

    Just go ahead and ask Him and trust Him with the answer. That answer probably won’t be Yes or No; it will probably be, Wait. Wait and “believe to see the goodness of the LORD,” (Ps. 27:13) even if that answer is No, because the only reason He answers No is because He has a greater Yes.

    Keep looking unto HIM!

    Rejoicing in hope of the glory of God,

    Naomi

    # September 18, 2012

    • Naomi

      It’s been two months since I wrote this and since then I’ve was informed by this young man’s grandma that he has found himself a young lady. ๐Ÿ™‚ Was this hard for me to take at first? Yes, but the Lord has shown me that it’s time to be a woman of faith, to stop taking my feelings so seriously, and to trust His perfect plan all the more. While I genuinely liked this young man and believed I could marry him if he pursued me, in time I learned he wasn’t the one for me. I’ve accepted that. In the weeks following my feelings were telling me a different story but God kept pointing me back to this truth: my hopes fail; His will for me is perfect.

      I want to share a verse with you that holds an important truth for us to believe and apply. “I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.” (Ecc. 3:14) Do you know this for yourself? Have you proved this true? Is your faith in God’s plan or one you have schemed up in your own mind? Are you thinking, feeling and acting according to your own mind or according to the mind of Christ (I Cor. 2:16; Phil. 2:5)?

      While this young man may have given me some real signals that he liked me, that did not equal a pursuit. We ladies read too much into a few glances, a conversation, a bond of hearts with a young man’s family. We assume too much. Guessing is not faith. Faith is waiting and finding our expectation in God, even if He says No again and again, and rejoicing and giving Him glory when He does say Yes. I believe, as young ladies in this period, God desires to strengthen our faith and dependence in Him. He can teach us so much if we are humble. As our hopes fail we then find our hope in Him. This can be a confusing time and the struggle can make us uncomfortable but that’s all part of the process of being made like Jesus and loving Him more. Just submit to it. ๐Ÿ™‚

      It’s been a while since you posted this, so maybe the Lord has led you in the direction of your desires since then. That would be exciting! But so is it exciting when we simply learn to trust the Father more when He says No to what we would like.

      So, be patient, sister, and trust the Father who loves you and is planning for your best. I love you!

      Rejoicing in hope,

      Naomi

      # December 6, 2012

      • sunflower

        Thanks for sharing Naomi! I’m sure God is at work in your life and has something special planned for you. Keep holding on and walking in faith dear sister.
        I guess I’ve realized as God has been growing me through this whole experience that my motivation for purity had been very skewed for a while. I wanted to please God and I wanted to do what was right but I also wanted to protect myself from being hurt, insulate myself from heartache. I do believe that there is much unessesary heartbreak in our world as a result of sin but I am coming to relize that following the LORD and seeking His was is not a safe gaurd against pain. Through this whole experence I keep crying out to the LORD and praying for His will to be done in my life and to break me of selfishness and to make me humble in HIS sight. I am realizing that if I keep surrendering to the LORD and keep turning to follow Him that I am safe in HIS arms whatever happens. Trusting in the LORD doesn’t mean a life of ease, but a life of faith growing from all life’s experiences. I don’t know if that made any sense or not. ๐Ÿ™‚
        Thanks for all your encouragement! No things are not changed much around here. I am still waiting. The LORD is blessing me so much in my life right now in so many different ways. I still greatly admire this young man, maybe more than I ought. I am so confused as to whether I am thinkg about him too much or not but I really can’t help it right now. I think about him for the right reasons but I think about him so much. I keep laying it down at HIS feet over and over again. And I wait. Do you think maybe someone needed a lesson in patience? ๐Ÿ˜‰ It is really hard though because I see this young man so much. I have admired him for a couple years and then we see him all the time now. My hormones are a wreck! ๐Ÿ™‚ Honestly, I’ll be almost doing well and then we have another Bible study or gathering and I’ll start the battle of surrender all over again. Every week after Sunday Bible study I find myself bundling up for a walk so I can get some fresh air and pray, sing, and think.
        So anyway, enough of my ranting. When God doesn’t tell you yes or no but rather wait, you wait. And its HARD. But He is developing character in you somewhere so that you will be more fully equipped to do HIS work.
        On another note, I tend to get so much more distracted at certain times of the month. Does this happen to anyone else as well? What do you do about it? My ups and downs totally follow a pattern and I really do well surrendering for about two weeks and then the other two weeks are really a struggle. In fact there are two days of the month that I can hardly get my head to stay on straight. Help! Does anyone have any sugestions? Its not that I’m thinking bad thoughts its just that I’m thinking too many. Thanks for your encouragement and prayers!

        # December 20, 2012

        • omi18

          To Sunflower AND Naomi…

          First of all…Sunflower, except for the parts about moving and having a brother, I thought you were writing about me!

          Second, I was reading down the post list and saw this person saying she had gone through something almost identical…imagine my COMPLETE astonishment when I saw the name Naomi. I was like, ” I didn’t write this! “. My full name is Naomi. ๐Ÿ˜€ I actually have been through an experience similar, Naomi. A year and a half ago I met and fell for this wonderful young man at a youth camp. I had FB at the time and by complete accident added him while adding some other gal friends I had met there. We had talked some at camp and became friends via FB. He even came to my church a couple of times after we had been talking for a few months. I had been cautious with my feelings, even though it seemed he was taking an interest in me. What was hard was everyone around me ( my mom the most ) was dreaming about ” when we would get married “. For my b.d. my mom planned a surprise party and he was there. He gave me a beautiful gift and that made everyone think a ring was next. My best friend was the one who had help get him to the party through a mutual friend.
          LONG story short…he fell in love with my best friend and they were married 5 months later. God’s grace was AMAZING. My friend was so scared to tell me because she thought I would hate her for forever. I can’t explain this, but I was ecstatic for her. Even when everyone else around me felt betrayed and angry, I forgave them and moved on. I knew it was right. I could see how we were not meant to be and that was my balm of Gilead.
          I have no idea why I am telling this story, but I pray it is a blessing to you, my namesake. ๐Ÿ™‚ I do have to admit there was a long period of time where I was anti-relationship. I was angry, but not at my friends. I was angry at ME. Okay, and a little bit at God too…but it never hindered my relationship with God, it strengthened it. This was because I kept the lines of communication open with Him – even when it was angry, hurt communication. More than a year has passed, my friend and her hubby are going to celebrate their first anniversary. She and I are not as close anymore, but we still have a good friendship. Praise God!

          Okay, now on to what is going on right now. Sometimes you miss things that are right in front of you all along. I certainly have. But, then again, God had a lot of lessons to teach me and the timing had to be right. I come from a very small, conservative, full-Bible church where I have gone my whole life. My closest friends there are my pastor’s family, with whom I have pretty much grown up with. I am literally there all the time. Over the past several months, his son has really caught my attention for the first time. He is completely sold out to God and desires to walk as pleasing to the Lord as he can. I admire him more than words can express for his faith, his example, and everything he is as person. His example is literally changing my life. I pray for him continually that God will bless him and deepen his walk and show him His will for his life. I am seeing those prayers answered and it makes my heart leap and dance for joy. He truly is everything and anything I would want in a future husband.
          There is one “catch” , however. He is a few years younger than me. He may like me, he may not – it is hard to tell. We have grown up together like brother and sister. But I no longer care about him as a sister. My main struggle has been that someone will from church will find out I care about him too soon. I don’t want to have anyone find out before he is older and certain of his feelings and life goals etc… I am not ashamed of him being younger, just worried of what everyone else will think. Silly, right? I know we would be accepted. I love him. For the first time, everything feels so different. I have such peace. Nothing forced, nothing I am trying to convince myself of. I just know he is the right one. Meanwhile…I wait. And pray. I do not pray for us to be together. I pray for our relationships with God and I pray for the will of God to be done in our lives. All of the ways that are the right ways to respond are coming so natural to me. I have messed up royally in the past several times even before the guy that married my best friend. I absolutely did not want to mess up this time, so I have been seeking God continually with a humble, teachable heart and have been reaping His blessings.
          I thoroughly enjoyed all you have written, Sunflower. It encouraged me so much. I wish I had more to give other than my stories to encourage you back, but all I have to say is that you are on the right track. Keep following Jesus. He will lead the way. He makes all things beautiful in His time. He never gives us more than we can bear, even if all this waiting for our guys seems unbearable. ๐Ÿ˜‰

          # March 27, 2013

          • sunflower

            Ya, it does seem unbearable sometimes doen’t it. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Thanks for sharing your story! May God give you peace and direction as you wait on HIM.
            I am learning so much right now. I can surrender my thoughts and feelings to the Lord, and re-surrender them but ultimately there is a part of waiting that simlpy mean WAITING. Not knowing. Praying. Simply doing the next thing. And Trusting.
            One thing I have realized is that even if this young man is the one, God is using both of us right now to bless and minister to others. I have so many people in my life to learn from right now and realize that he too is growing in so many ways. He could be the one and we are waiting on timing, or he could not be the one.
            I have so many feelings but I am most afraid of listening too much to my feelings and steping outside God’s will.
            It is so hard to wait, but then I realized that if this young man is the one and I can’t trust his leadership and judgement to discern God’s will and follow through in the right timing, how could I trust him as a husband to lead our family spiritually? And if I can’t trust God with something this small, how could I trust Him with my soul? So ultimately, it is about trust. Not that we master it, but that we grow in it.

            Isn’t it exciting that all of us are getting to learn patience right now. ๐Ÿ˜‰ James says that when trials come our way we should rejoice because it means our endurance gets to grow and when it is fully developed we will be strong in character and ready for anything. So come on ladies, let’s gird up the loins of our mind, be strong with God’s Word in our hearts and go fight the good fight. Being strong in character and ready for anything is no joke and I’m pretty sure that the godly men of our time will be attracted to women of great faith. So this is all part of preparing to be a great helpmeet. ๐Ÿ™‚

            # May 10, 2013

  7. Whitney (guest)

    I have a little love story to share with you.

    About three years ago I met who I believed was “Mr. Right” I was only 17 at the time and was committed to waiting on God’s timing. I met him at our church when they came to visit for our VBS. This young man came from a wonderful Christian, homeschool family and I only heard wonderful things about him from my Pastor and youth Pastor (in fact they were trying to “set us up”) I was head over heals in love with him almost instantly, he was everything I had prayed for in a husband. I waited, and waited and waited….hoping he would take an interest in me. But we lived far away from each other and he was off at college. The next year we both worked at a Church camp together and I hoped it was God’s timing….I waited and waited…he dated other people and I kept waiting….Finally one night at camp I cried and gave it over to God. He calmed me and assured me He had my best and His glory in mind. Time passes and while I was still interested I moved on. The next summer once again we worked at the same camp. He was dating someone and I was interested in someone else, but nontheless, I was still interested slightly in this godly man. This summer, though something changed and God brought him back into my life, and this time he was interested in me!!! We have now been courting for a while and have seriously talking of getting married shortly. Three years of patient waiting and trusting God, yes I have made mistakes in other relationships but I am so happy to be with my Knight in Shining Armor now. Just wait and be patient on God ๐Ÿ™‚

    # September 18, 2012

    • sunflower

      Neat story, thanks for sharing! God is so in control of the big picture even when we think things should be happening faster than they are. It is always good to be remined of this. ๐Ÿ™‚

      # December 20, 2012

  8. truefollowerofjesus

    Haha….Okay – being totally honest here; as I was reading your I was trying to figure out when I wrote this – and then I realized you spoke of your brother. I don’t have a brother! LOL
    I am in the same boat sister! And I really mean it. I’m 18 – just graduated from highschool too. Except that my godly guy is 23. Right now 5 years seems a big age difference, but I know many couples with more years between them than that.
    I’ll pray for you to wait on God and you can pray for me!
    Love in Christ!
    Em

    # December 3, 2012

    • sunflower

      Haha…you made me laugh. Reminds me of what I was reading in 1 Peter the other day about others around the world experiencing the same trials as us. At least I’m not the only one. I will pray for you. May God give you wisdom and direction.

      # December 20, 2012

  9. daddysgirl

    Praying for you!

    # December 5, 2012

  10. liera

    You are 18, settle down there. I was married at 18, and generally that is too young to get married, especially when you are chomping at the bit, too excited to really focus on reality. You can be his friend, but you need to focus on serving God, and letting yourself grow into a woman any man would be proud to have. Just chill, have fun, stay pure, and learn! Save some money, have fun with Christian friends, volunteer, spread the gospel. If you really want him, and if he is the type of guy you say he is, he would be more interested in a girl who is focused on serving others and God, and not worried on getting her a man. Have some adventures, you are worth it! You are probably pretty cool, and a great person, so work with the good stuff you’ve got and blossom! Enjoy this time of youth, for soon it will flee from you. Also, there are no scriptures that support that God will tell every person whether or not he wants them to do every particular thing. If you read the scriptures and obey the Bible, that is your guide for making decisions in your life.

    # December 18, 2012

  11. amelia

    I had a similar experience as you guys, when I first met him I immediately saw everything I ever wanted in a guy. We corresponded quite a bit online and on the phone with business, and soon it was evident that we had become really good friends – even though we had never met in person. I fell head-over-heals the first time he came to visit, but I never mentioned or said anything about the attraction (I did get the feeling that it was mutual). Weeks passed and we still talked often, yet I was always feeling like I didn’t know if we were going anywhere or if we would just continue to be good friends. I had only just graduated from high school and wondered how many years of singleness I had ahead of me. Even if this man was the one for me, how long would I have to wait? I had many things I could have done, places I could have gone, but all I really wanted was to get married and raise a family.

    He came for a second visit to spend time with my family, and during that visit he asked me if I would be willing to court him. It wasn’t a surprise for my family, I think all of them were expecting it; but it definitely was a big surprise for them that he asked me to marry him only six weeks later. Seven weeks after we were engaged we got married in a simple but beautiful little ceremony. That was a little over two months ago.

    I guess the point of what I’m trying to say is that I believe that God sees the desires of your heart, and He also knows what you really need. I do believe that he places the desire for a Godly man in your hearts. Be careful not to jump to conclusions about one particular man, but if he does come courting, be sure to let him lead the relationship. Continue to seek after God and let him write your beautiful love story. <3 May the Lord bless you.

    # December 21, 2012