No Greater Joy Ministries » Art of Child Training

The Well

Debi Pearl — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:07:12 +0000

I have very fond memories of my grandmother training me in the art of making biscuits. Teaching me seemed to make her happy. Each morning she would pull out the biscuit board drawer that was built into the cabinet. It was a board, like a table top, mounted like a drawer. It was always covered with flour. Once the board was extended she would mound two cups of flour on it. Then she would explain to me as she pushed a hole in the middle of the flour, “First make your well.” The well was just a hole in the middle of the pile of flour. To my young ears, calling the hole a “well” sounded so fine—mysterious-like. Into the well she dumped slightly warm lard, and then she added homemade buttermilk. With her thumb and index finger, working only in the well, she worked the lard and buttermilk, gradually incorporating the flour until it formed a soft dough. She rolled the dough with a rolling pin a few times, and then patted it down to about half an inch thick. With her biscuit cutter she pressed out about ten biscuits. She always had a big black skillet with butter in it warming in the oven. Each biscuit would quickly be turned in the warmed butter before she added the next one. While they baked in her hot oven, I played with the leftover dough, learning how to cut out biscuits. I can clearly remember standing there, almost eye-level with the countertop, working with the dough while drinking in the wonderful aroma of baking biscuits. My grandmother trained me to make biscuits. She trained me to laugh while making biscuits. My mischievous streak was developed in that kitchen as I conferred with my grandmother in how we could scare Papa when he came in for breakfast. Ask my staff—I am well trained in making biscuits and in the art of scaring distracted office workers. I am the queen of “BOO!” Oh, how dearly I loved my grandmother! As I look back, I know I must have left her floor covered with flour, yet she included me. I can’t remember a time I disobeyed my grandmother. I wanted to please her.

Her joy in helping was immeasurable; and more important, she was being trained to love working with her hands.

Today I sat at the kitchen table making guacamole out of 600 avocados. You read it correctly…600 avocados. A man in the church was able to buy a hundred boxes of avocados for a ridiculously low price. I bought ten boxes from him. My daughter Shoshanna and 3-year-old granddaughter Penelope dropped by while I was in the middle of my green venture. Penelope didn’t hesitate a minute. She was up in my lap, and where once there were two hands working, suddenly there were four. She imitated my every move. It slowed me down considerably, and green goo plopped on the floor a few times, but her joy in helping was immeasurable; and more important, she was being trained to love to work with her hands. It was Proverbs 31—Training Class 101. Many parents get so worked up over making their children be obedient in all things they forget that training doesn’t mean discipline; it means instructing the child in how to master the issues of life. Training is the art of imparting skill sets and worldviews. Training a child in the way he should go involves taking a child by the hand and allowing him to be a part of your productive life. If you cook a meal and don’t have your little girl standing beside you as you talk her through every step of the process, then you are NOT training her up to be a good cook. If you clean house, shop, sew, have a Bible study, or any number of productive activities and you don’t involve your children, then you are not TRAINING UP your children in the way they should go.

Training a child in the way he should go involves taking a child by the hand and allowing him to be a part of your productive life.

God stated it correctly when he said, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” When you train a child to enjoy cooking, she will always enjoy cooking. When you train up a child to work, he will always enjoy the accomplishment of a job well done. When you train up a child to notice what needs to be done, to be on time, to be respectful, to work as a team, to use time wisely, and to put his shoulder to the plow, he will always be responsible and productive. It is not a strange turn of events that one boy grows up to be lazy and another is a worker; that one woman is bitter and the other is full of joy; that one person is productive and the other expects others to pay his way; that one man is lustful and the other is self-disciplined; that one woman is emotionally crippled, and the other is wise and thoughtful. Train up—not spank up or fuss up or even instruct up—it is TRAIN UP. Train her how to make biscuits. It starts with a well and results in a life well lived. “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

Why?

Michael Pearl — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:06:33 +0000

Question:

When I tell my 4-year-old son to do something, his first response is always, “Why?” How should I deal with this issue?

Answer:

When a child is told to do something that he doesn’t want to do, he will often ask, “Why?” In most cases the question is not prompted by a spirit of cooperative inquiry but by a spirit of independence and maybe even rebellion. The question is thrown at the parent as a challenge to his or her authority. A wise parent will know that the character of the child is better served if the question is left unanswered. The child should trust the wisdom and good intentions of his parents. The child who is in fellowship with his parents doesn’t demand a seat on the decision-making committee; his respect leads him to obey without challenging the wisdom of the authority. Some children get in a habit of asking why. It is their first response to any command, popping out even when given a command to do something they would like to do. Maybe they picked up the “why” habit from Mama challenging Daddy. You might want to change your style, now that you are raising children. You can come to discern your child’s heart by telling him to do something that he loves. If you say, “Let’s go play ball,” is his first response, “Why?” or is it, “Yeah!” If it is why, then you know it is just an ingrained habit that you need to help him break. Simply explain the problem and tell him that every “Why?” will result in him doing five jumping jacks or something of that nature. The consequences are jovial but are something that helps him remember.

When he says, “Why?” it sounds as if he is saying, “I don’t want to.”

If his whys are only thrown out when he is told to do something he doesn’t want to do, then explain to him that you don’t want him challenging you when you give an order, and that when he says, “Why?” it sounds as if he is saying, “I don’t want to.” Then make it clear that negative consequences will ensue when he challenges your authority. When you get the big “Why?” thrown at you, pause and punctuate the moment with a stare, and then require him to speak his obedience: “Yes, I will be glad to do as you say, and I am sorry for questioning you.” If the inclination to question you is deeply ingrained and he shows any lack of heart compliance, then you should follow with negative consequences like cleaning the kitchen floor or some other chore. If he drags around on the chore, expressing his lack of heart compliance, then give him three licks with the switching instrument of your choice and remind him that it is his attitude that is causing the extra work. As I have said many times, “Meet all negative behavior with negative consequences and the negative behavior will go away.” There is an exception of which you need to be aware. A very few children have an insatiable desire to know why and how about everything. I had one of those little fellows and I fixed his “Why?” problem the first day I decided it was a problem. When he said, “Why?” I sat down and gave him a long, boring, drawn-out, logical adult reason that strained his patience to the limit. A little while later I told him to do something else and without thought he said, “Why?” I turned and immediately started another lengthy, academic explanation, but he stopped me mid-sentence, saying, “That’s okay, I already know.” The smart kids learn fast.

What Is Creativity and Is It Important?

Debi Pearl — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:05:50 +0000

Creativity begins with imagination, conceiving a thing that is not but should be, and then taking steps to make it a reality. It is facing a problem and envisioning an original way to solve it satisfactorily. Creativity can be born of practical necessity or artistic expression, but it is something original—not done before, or not done in the same way. Without creativity there would be no innovation, no progress, nothing new or different. Think of the tools and trades that never would have existed without creative thought. Man would remain in the Stone Age—no houses, cars, computers, planes, or even light. Disease would have no cure. There would be no music or storytelling. God is creative. We are the proof of that. Being in his image, it is our nature to create—to endlessly strive to come up with something that amazes and gratifies. Creativity is associated with happiness and success in life. Creative people are interesting people; the lack thereof makes one a wallflower. Just a few years ago, operational efficiency was the yardstick of market success; today it is all about anticipating consumer demands. This translates into the insight to conceive of a heretofore-unknown product that meets a need, or at least a new way to market an old product.

Is Creativity an Inborn Gift?

Why are some people creative and others not so much? I have often heard people say, “Oh, I just wasn’t born with the gift for creativity. I am better with numbers and facts.” This statement simply is not true. Researchers have found environment to be more important than heredity in influencing creativity, and a child’s creativity can be either strongly encouraged or discouraged by early experiences in life and in school—including homeschool.

Are Your Children Creative?

Ask a group of eight-year-olds if they are creative and 95% of them will say, “Yes.” Ask twelve-year-olds and only 50% will say, “Yes.” By the time students finish school, only 5% say they are creative. The fact is we are all born with creativity, but it is pulled, wrenched, strangled, pried, screamed, and bored out of us by the time we are adults. Creativity can’t be tested, so it has generally been abandoned. Yet now, by questioning large numbers of successful people, it has become apparent that creativity is the key to their success. Homeschooling began as a creative explosion that was pulling children from the ranks of sameness and giving them a vision of possibilities. Then came homeschool curriculum—same old, one-cover-fits-all books and tests. Then quietly, the homeschooler began to fall back into the line of uniformity. What a crying shame!

How Can We Unleash Creativity?

Every child is born to be an artist, a storyteller, an inventor, and an explorer. Expanding creativity in children takes place when we turn them loose and teach them to have grit, determination, perseverance, and belief in what they are doing. Adults have a tendency to want to see the end of a thing, but creativity comes in bits and pieces. A creative person rarely sees the whole, only the piece he is touching at any given moment. Creativity can’t be hurried. Anything rushed is just a stamped-out repeat, and is not part of creative genius. Many years ago when I was in school, my art teacher made a dumb mistake. She had a class of gifted artists. She came to class one day and gave each of us three pieces of colored paper and told us to create a picture using those papers. She wanted us to be creative, but the idea she had in her head was just that—in her head. The three-colored project was a boring, frustrating experiment for the whole class. If the teacher had been wise, she would have shown us two or three examples of how an advertising company used three colors, and in doing so would have unleashed a ton of creativity. The most powerful way to develop creativity in your children is by example—your example and the examples of what other people have done. There is real pleasure in creativity. In studies, children who are allowed to be creative associate joy with making something new. Sometimes all a child needs to get started on a project is a good question. Instead of making a suggestion, ask a question: “Does this blue remind you of sky, water, or a pretty dress?” You might notice a child staring at a pattern on the kitchen wallpaper, so you ask, “Do you see something? I think I see an alligator in that pattern.” Homeschooling mamas are almost always in a hurry. Hurry and creativity cannot sit in the same seat. Stationing a baby or toddler in a puddle of warm sunshine that is pouring through the window, where he can stack blocks, paper, and various objects, is a simple, soothing, creative afternoon activity. Letting children play in the dirt, making roads, bridges, lakes, and buildings is creating the next generation of builders and makers. Sitting them in front of electronic media, even educational media, is killing their genius and dumbing them down. Sitting them down with a stack of workbooks that bore them silly is creating silly. Consider this: Any project that they get involved in—whether it be music, painting, mud building, writing, storytelling, stacking, making tents, performing plays, making cameras, or whatever—that results in someone being able to say, “Wow, that is interesting. What are you going to do next?” is creativity.

Old School, New School

As children mature, creativity will begin to involve long-term projects. Songs that need hours of careful trial and error, poems, stories, articles, term papers, research, building projects, etc. can lead to frustration or despair without patience. Encouraging a budding mind to persevere is critical. An important lesson in life that will be reflected in all areas of maturity and godliness is learning that life is work, and that rewards for greatness only come with time and energy. You don’t immediately become an expert musician, artist, writer, or builder. Good things come to those who stick with it. This lesson could be called discipline: learning to harness your feelings and drives for the greater good of tomorrow. Schoolbooks are set up for short-term accomplishment. “Finish your pages and then you will be through,” I have heard said a hundred times. The end of today’s torment is near…yeah! This type of schooling does little to teach children the value of delaying gratification. School projects are a much better way of teaching, and they are certainly more conducive to developing good character. In today’s society, knowing how to research is a thousand times better than knowing facts. Information is now at our fingertips. We live in a different world than we did 25 years ago, yet homeschooling curriculums are developed in the old world of knowledge. Once, schools were the gatekeepers of knowledge and memorization was the key to success. We tested a child’s ability to regurgitate facts and formulas. That day is over. Yet even in the old-school program, children came home each evening to run and play, chase the wind, and build doghouses. There were hours of creativity that children don’t experience today due to electronics. I would that all children become tinkers and thinkers. If we are to remain a free, strong, and confident people, then this next generation needs to dream, create, work hard to make it happen, and then take the next risk.

Questions to Ask

Are you homeschooling your child in a way that cultivates creativity or that stifles it?
Is your household structured to encourage creativity?
Are you so regimented in finishing school books that you leave no place for developing creativity, leaving your children to face a dull life, not becoming accomplished in business?

Facts to Consider

From the perspective of CEOs, creativity is now the most-valued quality in a potential employee. In an IBM research study, about 60% of the CEOs polled cited creativity as the most important leadership quality.
In the world of business, studies prove there is a strong connection between trust, character, and creativity. Trust in a company, a family, and even in a government, unleashes creativity. The knowledge that we are all working to make a better life for everyone causes an individual to reach for greater ways to serve others. This environment of goodwill allows followers to take risk. Risk is associated with creativity. Where there is no scary risk, there is no creativity.
Creative individuals are naturally more unafraid of experimenting with new things. They think more about ideas and less about what people think of them, thus they are often less susceptible to peer pressure. Studies show creative people tend to be self-reliant and willing to go against conventional “wisdom.”

Creativity Killers

Don’t patronize children by offering rewards for their creative labor, for it will steal their pleasure.
Be careful not to make your child a nervous wreck by unconsciously setting up expectations of grandeur. Be practical in your expectations, and let his vision of what he can do grow with his abilities.
When your children are involved in creativity, don’t hover over them instructing them on how to improve their creations.
If your child is making something, don’t feel compelled to evaluate his project.
So you’re an adult and can show your child how to do it better—don’t. Let him have the joy of discovery. It is much more valuable than the outcome
Please don’t set up creative projects that suit your house-cleaning habits. Take the kids to the library and turn them loose on ideas. You might sit on the floor and look through “how-to” books with them. Let them come up with ideas they would like to try. You can coach but don’t poach.

School Adventures

Shalom (Pearl) Brand — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:04:39 +0000

School time is never without some new adventure in the works, and this last week was no different. We were sitting around the table working on math when my nephew Jeremiah, who was looking out the window daydreaming, exclaimed that it was snowing. We all ran for the door, but to our disappointment, it was not snowing but sleeting. Snow and sleet are very rare where we live, so the children were too excited to continue with school as usual—if there is a usual. Gracie and Jeremiah wanted to go out and pick up the sleet, which they did. Seeing this as an opportunity to teach them something, I brought them back into the house and told them we were going to learn why it was sleeting and where it comes from. I started by putting in an earth science DVD that my sister had brought over to share with us. They had watched this before, but it had not sunk in. It was about five minutes long, and the kids were amazed at how sleet froze in midair and hail was just tossed around before it fell to the ground. We then went to the computer and I opened the weather app and showed them how the different colors meant different things. They saw that we were in the sleeting color and that it was snowing north of us and raining south of us. We then went to the porch and looked at the thermometer to see how cold it was. We talked about the temperature and what it meant; they saw that it was above freezing right then. After this they went outside to look at the sleet again and to bring in bowls full to examine. It has been a week since that day. I just asked them questions about how sleet and snow are made, and they have not forgotten a thing. School is fun when you look at it as an adventure in discovery and learning. We also have a science kit where we mix different elements to make dancing water or a colorful waterfall, or just watch red cabbage water turn blue when you add baking soda, or turn pink when you add citric acid, then turn clear again if you let it sit for a few days. It raises questions that they want answered. Questions are the root of all learning. Last week we mixed baking soda and citric acid together to make carbon dioxide gas, and then we talked about it. Afterward the kids watched a ten-minute science show on the lungs and how we inhale oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide. Today as Jeremiah was doing school he was reading in his second-grade pace science book about fish and how they take the oxygen out of the water. He stopped reading and asked, “How do they get rid of the carbon dioxide?” So we stopped working in the workbooks and went to the computer. With great excitement all five kids stood around me, and with the baby in my lap we looked it up on the computer. Soon we were learning all kinds of fun facts. The kids were interested and asked if they could make some more carbon dioxide. So back to the science kit we went. From my eight-year-old to my sister’s two-year-old, we all sat around the table again and watched the baking soda and citric acid bubble and fizz. It is when children ask questions and we take the time to answer that they learn the most. But some questions I am happy to leave for another day. Today as Jeremiah was reading his book on fish, out loud at the table, it said that fish lay their eggs in warm water when the days grow longer. Gracie, who was listening along as she did her school at the table, interrupted. “How do they make the babies? Are there daddies? Do they kiss under water?” Jeremiah excitedly jumped up and said, “Lets go look it up on the computer!”

The Power of a Box

Debi Pearl — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:02:01 +0000

My father’s extended family was not rich, but we were quite well off, so Christmas was a time of fashionable gifts. I really don’t remember any of the many fine gifts, but I do remember the non-posh gifts from my Aunt Grapelle. I smile as I write this because I also have this clear memory of the rest of the family making light of her yearly gifts to me. Even as a young child I was outraged by their attitude and lack of appreciation; how could they think that her gifts were anything less than magical? My Aunt Grapelle was a seamstress, and not just any seamstress—she was a creative genius, and everyone knew it. She made dresses for balls, weddings, and all things spectacular. I thought she was wonderful and always looked for ways to please her. You would think by the way I speak of her she lived next door and was a vital part of my life; not so, I only saw her a few times each year, and then she was busy visiting with the other adults. But, oh my, every Christmas I knew what my gift would be from her. Each year she packed a large box of bits and pieces of silky and gauzy material that she had left over from her many sewing projects. Ribbons and bows, snaps and buttons, and occasionally a piece of material large enough to make a baby-doll a dress—it all made Auntie’s gift thrilling. And to make it extra special, she always included needle and thread, scissors, pictures of ideas, and any other thing I might need to make my visit a time of creative wonder. Sometimes she would slip away from the adults to find me sorting through the box, and she would give me simple instructions on how to make this or that. My whole life of creativity, writing, art, homeschooling, and child training reflects those wonderful boxes of opportunity.

Only One Life

Ben Sargent — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:01:39 +0000

Man, it’s quiet around here. Deafening actually. Mansquared, the baby of the family, left a week ago today for his first semester at a four-year college. He gained that moniker, Mansquared, from his big brother Firstborn because, well, he’s as strong as any two men multiplied. Firstborn’s a sizable fellow as well, just a tick under six-feet-five and an established military man. He finished his degree in political science and is now improving the world by making us all safer, having just completed his second deployment in a faraway land. Two mighty men, almost ten years apart, who have kept their virtue. Oh, and we also raised three virtuous daughters as well, who, thankfully, look like their mother. Our eldest daughter Punkin’ and her husband Mr. Perfect are busy raising two sons with a third grandbaby on the way. As singles they both served the Lord as missionaries, and did so again as a married couple. Our middle daughter Peaches is the family brainiac and an English fanatic (another trait she gained from her mother), who super-achieves in all she endeavors to accomplish, and who glorifies the Lord with her violin. And then there is Miss Gail. She is the family artist. Only God himself could give talent like she possesses from two parents who can’t draw a box if you spot them the first three sides. She can draw a picture that looks like a photograph, or a caricature of it, too, if she’s in the mood. All five children have honored the Lord in foreign missions as well as in the local assemblies where they have lived. And we couldn’t be more pleased. As my friend Donny has said many, many times, “We didn’t have ‘em to keep ‘em.” But man, it’s quiet around here. We sure didn’t have them to keep them. We just didn’t realize that 28 years was going to go by so quickly or that the quiet would be so incredibly loud. The boys aren’t playing their guitars, Peaches her violin, or Miss Gail the piano. Punkin isn’t directing traffic in the kitchen or challenging anyone to follow her on the next mission trip to…wherever. “The Lord will provide!” she would say, and sure enough, he would. No one is asking, “Daddy, what does it mean if your car…” There’s just quiet.

“The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:4

Too often this is where Mom and Dad look at one another and think to themselves, “Who on earth are you?” They raise kids until their tongues are hanging out from exhaustion and lose sight of each other. Even worse, they lose sight of their first ministry, which is to each other. 1 Corinthians 7:4 says, “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” Serving one another and caring for one another can easily be lost if raising the kids becomes the priority in the home. Worshipping God and honoring him should be the priority. When that is done, then Mom and Dad have the opportunity to rally together to bring up the children in the “…nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Eighty percent of leadership is our personal example. We wanted our children to know we loved one another and that we were still in love. There was that and, well, we wanted to stay in love. We wanted to be like that couple we saw when we were traveling. We were young with all of our stair-step children. The couple was not young, but they held hands. And they matched colors. They looked at each other with their age spots through their watery eyes with utter adoration. As we approached them with our little herd they stopped, looked up at us, and the old man said, “You’re so rich!” I said, “So are you, to still be in love.” The old lady proudly proclaimed, smiling, “We still work at it,” and I could see that was true. So we worked at it—worked hard at times, and at others just enjoyed the fruits of our efforts. Our first night alone I said, “Well, we did it. We raised a family.” She put her head on my shoulder and said, “Dad, that was fast.” It was indeed. And now as the deafening quiet has set in (at least we can finally hear each other!) we look at one another with hearts broken from joy that we had such a wonderful privilege, but with equal joy that we got there together, in love. - Ben Sargent (life-long friend of the Pearls)

Living Large

Karen Sargent — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 14:06:36 +0000

We all want the best for our children. We want them to be used by God to do great things, to be world-changers and make a difference in eternity. But these things don’t happen by accident; they are planned for, prayed for, and worked toward. You may be surprised to hear this, but children are born with an incredibly small worldview. Their entire universe exists inside their own skin: what do I want, what do I feel, what makes me happy. If we want our children to grow up to be something for God, we must expand their view of life, and it’s never too early to start. Just taking the children to church is not enough; if that’s all you do, you haven’t even gotten in the ballpark yet. “Church” in the twenty-first century is mostly a spectator sport, and God has enough spectators. What he wants are workers. How do we raise up workers who will make a difference for God? Three ways: we plan, we pray, and we implement.

Plan

Nothing big ever happens without a plan… “For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish” (Luke 14:28–30). …and the plan should be in place before the materials (the children) show up. Parents, have a vision of what you want your children to be when they are adults, and start heading toward that goal right now, even before they are born. Plan for the good times and the difficult times before they happen. Make your decisions now, when you can think clearly, before you are in the heat of the moment. Decide how you will handle this situation and that one. Will you let the children have sleep-overs? Who, if anyone, will be allowed to babysit? Will you homeschool or send them to public or private school? Will they take dance lessons or learn cooking and carpentry and first aid skills? Will you permit shyness or teach them to be outgoing and confident? Consider how all your decisions will shape who they become, thereby dictating what they are able to do in the Lord’s work.

Pray

It goes without saying that we must pray for our children, so why is it so hard to do consistently? Is it because we are too busy to spend ten minutes on our knees asking God to use our kids for his glory? Is it because we think he is too busy to listen? We’ve all heard the story about the guy who gets to heaven and God shows him all the storehouses of blessings he wanted to give, but the guy never asked. I wonder how many of our children will miss God’s best because we didn’t make prayer a priority. Pray now. Pray often. Pray without ceasing. Don’t wait until there is a catastrophe and then beg God to get you and your kids out of it. Pray preemptively.

Implement

So how do we bring about what we want in our children’s lives? How do we implement the plan? Just as we learn the scriptures line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little, our children will learn what it means to serve God the same way. You will never get your children to a particular place if you don’t go there yourself. When the shepherd wants his flock in a particular place, he doesn’t run after them, yelling about which way to turn or barking directions about how much farther it is. He gets out in front of the flock and LEADS them. “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me” (John 10:27). If you want your kids to be hard workers, be a hard worker. If you want the girls to be contented homemakers who serve their families, be a contented homemaker who serves her family. If you want them to be soul winners, be a soul winner, and take them along so they can see how it’s done and gain confidence that it is a normal part of everyday life. Show them how we hand out tracts and tell people about Jesus everywhere we go—the bank, the gas station, Lowe’s, Walmart. They will grow up thinking this is normal, and when your kids meet people who don’t witness all the time, those people will be the oddballs. When our five kids were little, we were part of a missions-minded fellowship. There was a constant stream of missionary families always coming through, and though we had five children in a 1200-square-foot house with one bathroom, we always had missionary families staying with us. Our kids got to meet the families who were bold enough to go, and hear firsthand the stories of God working on the mission field. It gave them a taste of what was possible and greatly expanded their worldview. They learned there were billions more people in the world than just the twelve kids in their Sunday school class. By the time they were teens, our kids had seen and heard enough; they were ready to go and do. One by one they committed themselves to a short-term work they felt God would bless, and dove in wholeheartedly. On an enlisted military salary, we couldn’t help them pay for their trips. It was up to them to figure out how to do that—and what great lessons in trusting God!

Send Them Out

Our oldest son spent a college spring break with a group of young men doing construction work for a mission in Mexico. We had no money to pay for his trip, but told him we would help him pray for God’s provision. Two months before they were to go, God gave Mike a small job that would pay the full price. Watching God provide became deliriously fun sport at our house. When our second child, Deb, was sixteen, she was ready to go. She found a group that organized summer-long mission trips for teens and signed up. Her first-choice trip to Siberia was canceled due to visa problems, so she had to choose another destination. Three weeks before she was to leave, she told us she believed God wanted her to go to Cuba. When her daddy balked at that idea, she countered with, “But you said I should go someplace where people might never hear the gospel if I don’t go tell them.” God has a funny way of turning the tables on us, doesn’t he? Our goal for our kids was that they should learn to trust God completely; now we were the ones doing all the trusting. For 30 days she and her team traveled around Cuba, eating nothing but rice and beans (and dog, the one time they got meat), having no access to clean water, contracting parasites, at times being sought by the authorities for their proselytizing—and we had no communication with her at all. Now that will bring a mom and dad to their knees. In subsequent years we sent children on mission trips to Poland, Switzerland, New Zealand, Australia, and Hong Kong, always letting them trust God to provide for their needs, and what an amazing education it was for them and for us. God does not give us children so we can hoard them for ourselves, keeping them for our own enjoyment. If your view of life is so small that you can’t see past your own four walls, start inviting life in. Expand your own worldview, and take your children with you. Get to know some missionaries, and find out how your family can help them. Don’t raise your kids up to keep them close; prepare them to go out and to carry the glorious gospel of Christ with them when they go.

Six Ways Parents Destroy Their Children Without Trying

Michael Pearl — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 14:05:47 +0000

God promises, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). Parents, who see one of their children hit the fan, often have a hard time appreciating this verse. In fact, as the homeschool movement ages there are more and more parents claiming the verse does not mean what it says, because it didn’t hold true in their experience. Here are just a few of the reasons a child is lost to the world and how parents caused it to happen without even trying. I say “without trying” because when children turn out poorly, as many do, parents are at a loss as to why. It is always unexpected—certainly unplanned. An eighteen-year-old is unthankful and rebellious, walks around like the family is his enemy and he has been enslaved and abused by them his whole life. Anger is his first response to everything and to nothing. If you view old TV programs made 50 years ago of families relating to one another, they look like today’s ideal Christian homeschool family. Daddy is respected and honored and Mother is cherished. Family problems were always resolved with good cheer and forgiveness. Teenage morality was taken for granted. The future was bright and full of hope, and there was no state of rebellion in the kids. In contrast, modern TV and movies usually represent today’s average family—accurately I might add—as dysfunctional psycho wards of vindictive anger and disrespect. In most movies the family is already divorced or going through the painful process. If a movie were made with a teenager loving his parents as they love their children and each other, and everyone with good cheer and hope for the future, it would be considered corny and unrealistic to the point that the only people who could relate to it would be the ones who stopped watching TV thirty years ago. So I am going to tell you how kids come to a ruinous end without their parents exerting any effort or attention to the process at all. In fact, that is the first step toward sabotaging your children’s future—no effort and no attention.

1. Get so busy providing for them that you don’t have time for them.

Children are like plants growing every day. They need regular attention and direction.

When children turn out poorly, as many do, parents are at a loss as to why.

I plant a garden every year. And about half of the time I wait too long to stake my tomatoes. A small plant doesn’t need staking. and I tell myself I will stake them before it becomes critical. But it may rain for an entire week, or I get busy doing something else and can’t get around to it. The plant gets so big the stems fall on the ground. When the leaves of a tomato plant are exposed to the soil they quickly develop disease. When the fruit touches the ground it will rot about the time it should be getting ripe. This year I had a second late patch that I intended to stake but waited too long. I finally staked them but too late to prevent the disease. It is not what I did; it is what I didn’t do that spoiled the crop. So it is with children, they need constant pruning and fertilizing and training to grow up instead of down—to reach for blue skies instead of crawling along the ground. So the worst thing you can do for your children is just ignore them and allow nature to take its course. Plan on training them but never get around to it. Children need the constant sunshine of their parents’ smile and approval. They need to be pointed in the right direction day after day. They need admonition like a plant needs fertilizer. And as water activates the fertilizer, making it available to the roots, smiles activate our admonition making it available to the soul of the child. Children raised right grow up right, no exceptions. It is God’s certain promise (Proverbs 22:6).

2. Set a bad example.

The second thing parents do that will assure a bitter outcome for the children is to set a bad example. Some people would say fighting in front of the kids has negative consequences. All fighting whether in front of the kids or in private will be destructive, but the most destructive things is not the fighting as much as how you fight and how it is resolved. I have known families that had big fights, but—I hope you can understand this—their fights were not personal. They were resolved as publicly as they were waged, and the public displays of anger did not create deep hurt in anybody. There are some loving souls that express themselves loudly and with emotion. They punctuate their points with explosive words and gestures, but they are equally as effulgent in their make-up and passionate love. Kids come to understand the heart of their parents and are more influenced by their intentions than their rhetoric. A wife of a certain temperament can scream at her husband that she hates him, and the children hear her saying, “I love you so much, you exasperate me to the point I could kick you just before we make love again.” The kids know the outcome is going to be as always, Mom and Pop making up and saying they are sorry and that they didn’t mean it and melting in each other’s arms. Public fights should be resolved in public so the kids can see the process of how it is worked out and how forgiveness and understanding occurs.

So the worst thing you can do for your children is…plan on training them, but never get around to it.

I have seen other families where the parents were careful to never fight in front of the kids, but the children are able to see the tension and ill will building, and they observe it being taken into the bed room where they occasionally hear muffled but raised voices. The parents come out not speaking to each other, followed by hours or days of emotional distance. Now that kind of fighting is indeed harmful to the children. They are able to read the souls of their parents and they feel the bitterness and hate in every moment of silence and self-control. Bad example. Leaf blight. Rotting fruit. The bad example extends to every area of life. Any discipline you want your children to have you must exemplify it yourself. You can set a bad example in criticizing others, in carelessness with money, unthankfulness, unkindness, laziness, irresponsibility, and more. Be what you want your children to be and you will be providing the best training possible.

3. Expressing displeasure regularly.

This is a biggie. It is so subtle that parents don’t even know it is happening. I have observed parents relating to their children in intermittent displeasure and seen the negative effect it is having. When they ask my advice I have pointed out their destructive tendency to always criticize or show displeasure with their child. They are usually shocked and unbelieving. “I love my children,” they exclaim. And I respond, “But?” They fill in the blank, “But, he is so stubborn and willful, always doing the opposite to what I tell him.” And with exasperation, and what I detect as anger, they say, “I have spanked him and it seems to do no good; I just don’t know what to do any more.” I follow up with, “You say he is stubborn most of the time; how do you respond most of the time?” She answers, “Sure, I am displeased; what else could I be; I can’t be happy when he is so stubborn.” It is a vicious cycle. A child’s bad behavior provokes looks of displeasure and looks of displeasure provoke bad attitudes leading to bad behavior. I have said it so many times. If you cannot train your children to do as they ought, it is far better to lower your standards and enjoy them as they are than to allow your looks of displeasure to become the norm. A kid may grow up to be undisciplined and self-willed, but there is no reason to add to it a feeling of being unloved and unable to please.

Any discipline you want your children to have you must exemplify yourself.

I am not suggesting that there is not a remedy that solves the bad behavior. I only emphasize that a vital part of stopping the bad behavior is to cease the cycle of looks of rejection, followed by more bad behavior, followed by more looks of rejection, followed by “I hate you and never want to see you again; why did you have to be my mother/father?” I have spoken of it elsewhere, especially in my DVD, The Joy of Training, and the article, The Flavor of Joy (found in the back of To Train Up A Child), so I will not go into detail here, but suffice to say, child training is causing the child to want to please you and be like you. They will want to please you only when they find pleasure in your presence. You must become the vital source of their joy if they are going to give up their rebellion and choose to exercise self-discipline and self-denial.

4. Not enforcing boundaries.

The next best way to destroy your children without trying is to fail to enforce boundaries. It is easy to do—to not enforce boundaries. Just love your kids and believe they will turn out OK as long as you do not create any self-loathing or feelings of rejection like we talked about above. Smile and believe in the innate goodness of their sweet little hearts, and trust that someday they will grow up and take responsibility for their actions. It is easy to avoid enforcing boundaries because it is the path of least resistance. You don’t have to stir yourself or upset the kids. Let them do as they please—free expression, you know—and they will become your average normal reprobate. But at the least you won’t look like the party pooper. It is a do nothing job that has been left undone by millions of parents. If children all came into the world disciplined and wise and willing to deny their impulses for the greater good, we could just leave them to free expression, but every parent knows better. All children come to us innocent but fallen. They are hedonistic, self-indulging hippies in their natural state. Left to themselves they will bring their mothers to shame (Proverbs 29:15). Adults are supposed to be mature enough to choose the virtuous path and do what they ought to do even if is contrary to their desires. That is character, something that you’re not born with; it has to be developed. And children don’t have character unless they are properly trained. Children do not see the need for self-denial or self-restraint. They feel desire and they do what feels good. So if a parent does nothing, their children will become quite schooled in the dark arts of self-indulgence. Therefore, parents must constrain their children to right behavior. In time their moral understanding will develop and they will begin to choose good, even when it is contrary to their carnal desires. Character is formed, and as training continues his character grows stronger until he matures into an adult.

5. Leaving them to choose their friends.

Many parents have done a good job in training their young children, and have put them on a path of virtue, but in their early teens they are influenced by their peers and yield to temptation while knowing it is not the right path. Even well trained children are flesh and are capable of falling into sin—just as is a moral, disciplined adult. Kids are not wise. They do yet understand the consequences of wrong choices. They need guidance and oversight until they are about twenty years old—sometimes a little older. About the time kids graduate from college they are wise enough to discern good from evil. If you disagree with that assessment, explain spring break at the beach, or fraternity initiations. Woe! It all starts very young. You must choose the social circle for your children and guard it. The quickest way to throw your children away is to enroll them in daycare or preschool or first grade. You lose all control over their friends, and they will become part of the social pool, eventually reduced to the lowest common denominator. If your child shares a pool with kids where just one of them has crapped in the water, your kid is swimming in crap. A few good kids don’t keep the water clean, but one bad kid pollutes it for everybody. I cannot remember the good kids in my third grade, but there were a couple bad ones I will never forget. I can remember their foul words and deeds to this day.

It all starts very young. You must choose your children’s social circle and guard it.

This is probably the hardest thing for a parent to do. It requires great effort and constant vigilance to sift your social circle. There are times your kids will not understand, and there are times that other parents are offended, but a mother hen should guard her chicks against the foxes and coyotes, regardless. It may require an adjustment to your lifestyle to protect your kids. A chicken that has roosted under a chicken hawk nest needs to move even if it is inconvenient. If your church is full of public school kids, you will need to keep your children at your side all the time and not allow them to get personal with a child going to public school. It becomes impossible to limit the social contact of a teenager in such an environment. They shouldn’t have the burden of constantly choosing or eliminating people from their acquaintance. Find a social circle that is righteous and productive where you have nothing to fear from 25 of the teenagers getting together to play soccer or go roller skating together. Remember, they will evolve from you providing their complete social circle to choosing for themselves. You cannot control them past the age when they grow to be autonomous, so you must train them to wisely chose their friends. For the time will come when what you say has little bearing. Train them before they are ten and you can trust them when they are twenty.

6. Finally, you can destroy your children by not giving them any responsibility or holding them accountable.

Remember the key ingredient is “without trying.” Neglect or preoccupation is the culprit. It is operating under the assumption that somehow everything will work out. You are best suited to the task of training your children when you work under the assumption that they are destined to ruin unless you get proactive and do some things much better than the average parent. Responsible action is the duty of all people, and accountability is the inevitable result of being part of a society where the principle of cause and effect is well understood. When there are two people in the room, insofar as they can have an effect on the other, each is responsible for his actions, and the law of love makes us responsible for our neighbor’s well-being. “Let no man seek his own [to advance self], but every man another’s wealth” (1 Corinthians 10:24). Seek to advance the wealth of your neighbor. You should give your children responsibility according to their ability. A child who can walk should be held responsible to pick up his dirty clothes and put them in the laundry basket, clean up spills, and place his toy and books back where they belong. This is the foundation of all future responsible actions. As they get older, they should be responsible to do their share in domestic chores. They should be held responsible to keep up with their boots and shoes if they take them off outdoors. If a kid loses his shoes he should have to work to make the money to buy a used pair at the second hand store. Even a five-year-old can appreciate the value of responsible action when he has to pay the price for irresponsibility. If a teenager throws a ball through the window he should pay to have it repaired. Accountability is what you demand and exact when they are caused to answer for the way they have handled their responsibility. If you fail to hold them accountable, they are in fact not responsible. It is much easier to do it ourselves, but the children must learn, and the burden falls on us to stay involved for their sakes. I have observed a beautiful principle. The children most accountable to act responsibly are the happiest and most secure in love and grounded in good will. You learn to love your neighbor one act of caring at a time. This could have been a list of ten or fifteen ways parents destroy their children without trying, but these six are about all we can stand in one dose. I still believe the Word of God when it says, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). I know there has been a movement to disbelieve the passage as the Holy Spirit inspired it, but the fact remains that when they are trained right they stay right without interruption until they are old. I am an example of right training, as is my wife. My five children were trained in the way they should go and I now see all twenty of my grandchildren (more on the way) being trained that way. I expect a continuance of 100% positive results just as God promised. I will not lower the standard, and you should not lower your expectations because of the poor results others are experiencing. It is difficult in our world “to train up a child in the way he should go,” and some very good and sincere people fail, not for want of personal righteousness, and not from want of trying, but from want of training the kids in the way they should go. Those who fail should not deny the standard but humbly admit their failure to have trained properly. They can analyze the reasons for their failure and have added wisdom to contribute to those parents who are still in the game training their kids. Finally, if you have young children still in the process, but your oldest son has been a disappointment, don’t give up. Humbly ask your wayward son where you went wrong. It doesn’t matter what you said, or what you did, or what you intended; the bottom line is what did he believe and feel. If you cannot let go of the anger and resentment toward him or you spouse, and you cannot humble yourself enough to listen to him instead of condemn, then truly there is no hope for the rest of your children. I have seen families lose their first child to the world, but take it as a wakeup call, and revive their hearts and efforts, resulting in saving the other children from the same fate. Even if you failed with your first child, the promise is still true and you can “Train up a child in the way he should go,” knowing of a certainty “he will not depart from it.”

When Dad’s Away, Boys Need More Than Play

Chasity Akiki — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 14:03:35 +0000

There’s nothing quite like boys…ferociously competitive, endlessly energetic, possessed with the insatiable desire to grab the world by the horns…I’m working up a sweat just thinking about it. This is boys at their best, the way God designed them to be. Our culture pressures us to feminize our boys. It accuses by asking, don’t I want my boys to be caring men? Yes. Thoughtful and considerate? You bet. Sulky, lazy, unmotivated wimps? Yuck. I have six boys, and my husband works away from home. Fellow moms see this and often ask me questions like, How do you keep your boys busy? What kind of work or activities can I give my boys? How do I raise my son to be a man when his dad works away from home all day?

A little about Dad…

Boys need their father. They need his guidance, his leadership, his example. Unfortunately, in modern times Dad is often away from home earning a living for his family. It has been a dream of ours to work together as a family, and we have done that in the past, but currently a family business is just not feasible for us, and that’s okay. As wives, we have to work with what our husbands provide. My first and biggest blessing as a mother of boys is that my man fathers his children wherever he is. He calls home two or three times a day to see what they’re working on, give them directions, or just ask questions. “What are the boys doing right now? Have they finished the project they started this morning?” John, my husband, has taught our boys to be capable and confident. He’s worked beside them, showing them how to do things until he knew he could trust their solo efforts. We’ve both taught them that they can do anything—and if they don’t know how, they can learn. My husband gives the boys jobs and projects, but day by day it’s up to me to keep them busy and engaged.

A little about why…

Why all the fuss about children being busy? Don’t children need time to play and be entertained and “be kids”? Children need structure and organization. We want them to be hardworking, responsible adults, right? They’ll never learn how unless they’re working and responsible now. It’s never too early or too late.

Boys, in particular, are our future men, the fathers, providers, and leaders of tomorrow.

Boys, in particular, are our future men, the fathers, providers, and leaders of tomorrow. I want my boys to “quit you like men” and get the job done. My husband told someone that the way he changes the oil in our vehicle is by first sitting down, usually with a cup of coffee, and then saying to one of our boys, “Change the oil.” The man marveled, “And you really trust his work?” Well, yes, because after doing it with our son the first few times, he let him do it himself and checked his work. Doing it himself and seeing his work meet with Dad’s approval builds confidence in our son. A while back, my car was shrilly squeaking whenever I turned a corner. My 12-year-old son said, “Mom, I can fix that,” and he named the part he believed was at fault, a something-or-other belt; I thought belts were for holding up pants. But my son was confident he could fix it—and he did. He fixed it even though he had until that day never repaired that part; he’d just watched Dad work on it before. Boys need that self-assured belief that they can do anything to grow into men of action and achievement—but they’ll never build that confidence if Mom and Dad never give them real responsibility. We have to give important jobs to our kids, and then we have to trust them and not worry about them messing up. It would certainly be easier for us to just do the hard stuff ourselves and let our boys play, but our goal isn’t to do what’s easy. It’s to raise men.

A little about entertainment…

Boys need that self-assured belief that they can do anything to grow into men of action and achievement—but they’ll never build that confidence if Mom and Dad never give them real responsibility.

My boys love to read. It is their favorite pastime, hands down. Most people would say that’s fantastic, and indeed it is a good thing. But as with anything we enjoy, it can get excessive. Whether entertainment takes the form of a book, a card game, a movie (even educational documentaries) or just playing, it’s all the same. It’s all entertainment. We all like to relax and be entertained from time to time, but everything has to have its place. I don’t want my boys to be idle, so I only allow reading or any other form of entertainment after dinner cleanup. (Obviously school time and Bible study are exceptions.) I want them to be using their minds and hands creatively during the daylight hours. My husband and I treat our boys as young men. We want them to be hardworking and confident. I believe the more productive we are, the better we feel, and so I structure my children’s day to be active and busy—and they love it.

Answering Homeschool Questions

Debi Pearl — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 14:02:37 +0000

From a Letter

Hello Pearls, My question is about homeschooling. I have been reading your articles on the subject, and, being a homeschool graduate myself, who hated school when I was younger, I have been finding them very intriguing. I’m confused on a few points, however. I know you are very busy and don’t have time to answer every question you receive, but I am wondering if you would consider writing another article or doing a Cane Creek Corner video on the subject. All of the homeschooling families I know (and there are quite a few in my area) more or less mimic a classroom environment, and most of their kids hate school. I’ve discussed your methods with my mom and the idea makes sense, but there are some things we don’t understand about how it works. My younger brother will be in 7th grade this fall and he hates school with a passion. This seems to be a great need, and I like the sound of your methods, but…I understand the idea of not forcing kids to learn when they’re too young and letting them learn at their own pace. I’ve heard that before from other sources as well, and it makes sense. They will catch up when their minds are ready. You write that for a few years they will be behind the children in school, but by the time they are 16 they will be 3 years ahead. My question, however, is how is that possible when they spend so little time studying? You say “Rather than the imbalance of six hours of study and one hour of recess, for the six- to ten-year-old let there be one hour of study, five hours of recess, and two hours of work.” That makes sense for such young children, but what about when they get older? And what else is there to keep him out of mischief besides schoolwork?

Debi Answers

When I was young, I hated school, and I was a poor student. Once I was free of school, I really started learning. What interested me were ideas, concepts, possibilities, and communication. What I had to learn in school were facts, spelling, and math. Those I could do without. So when my children came along, I decided to teach them what I loved. And they loved to learn. Only one in five could spell, but I thought, “No matter.” Well, it does matter—just ask Shoshanna, who owns The Bulk Herb Store and writes professionally. Or you can ask Nathan, who also is a teacher and writer. And if they don’t convince you, ask Shalom. She has a very popular blog—NGJ’s most popular BY FAR—and her spelling is poor. So not being able to spell is a problem but not a life issue. There is a difference.

I would much rather have the gift of writing than the discipline of good spelling.

In answer to the letter, I do think most homeschooling mamas have forgotten that for school to be successful, the children must enjoy it. If I had a choice (and I am sure my grown homeschooled children who are accomplished in communication would agree) I would much rather have the gift of writing than the discipline of good spelling. Being able to reach into someone’s soul and mind with words is wonderful. Creating a challenge with words and seeing it work in thousands of people’s hearts is too marvelous to explain. Just this past week I read a small ditty that Nathan Pearl wrote on Facebook about his sister Shoshanna. Within minutes his short tale had hundreds of likes and shares. It was just an entertaining narrative, but it communicated fun, concern for others, and a brother and sister relating as only brothers and sisters can. It was cute. Nathan really works at spelling now that he is in the world of communications. He will learn fast enough, I hope. I must confess that I never did master spelling and neither did his daddy. But we are both professional writers who have published many books now in print in over 40 languages—with over 1.5 million copies in print around the world! We poor spellers have gone far beyond our mechanical skills. I tell you this tale for a very important reason. I think homeschooling has “lost its first love.” At the beginning, when the idea of homeschooling was young and daring, we didn’t care about keeping up with the Joneses’ school grades. We were a generation who grew up in the hippy age, and we wanted our children to be freethinkers. We wanted them to make decisions based on conviction. We raised them to be shakers and changers, not good little models for the homeschool arenas. I didn’t care if they were up on history as long as they could read history and have an intelligent conversation about why Napoleon’s strategy was faulty or why Hitler was allowed a reign of terror over so many without anyone taking him down, and how God judged the Germans for allowing such a man to come to power. I wanted them to think about consequences—eternal consequences on nations, families, and individuals. Another reason I valued teaching concepts and ideas rather than facts was because I wanted my kids to be leaders, to bear responsibility, and to always feel it was their honor to work hard and provide for others. Facts alone didn’t cultivate them to that end. Knowing the whys and wherefores did. When a child is force-fed a curriculum that he doesn’t find relevant, he will be bored and tormented for hours every day. He may learn the mechanics of a liberal education, but it will not liberate his spirit to love investigative learning. The negative feelings he experiences daily, and the criticism that comes from his teachers or parents, will ingrain in him a sense of failure and generate a poor self-image. He will be able to spell, but will never have a vision to write creatively. When homeschooling is not fun, it is not real homeschooling—at least not what us old-timers who started the movement meant homeschooling to be. Sitting down to a stack of boring books and learning a pile of facts you don’t care about is for Nazis, not homeschoolers. We are a people of ideas, dreams, and possibilities—not fodder for the status quo.

At the beginning when the idea of homeschooling was young and daring, we didn’t care about keeping up with the Joneses’ school grades.

What I did 35 years ago as a pioneer homeschool mom was set up a 6,000-year timeline, a map of the world, and a place to pin stuff up on the wall. Any time we read a story or book (free library resources) about an event in history, a people group, or even literature, music, or art, I put it up where it belonged on the timeline and strung a string to the place on the map. Even the history of missionaries made it up on the wall. The kids had an understanding of time, people, events, Bible stories, and even weather and natural catastrophes, seeing at it all as a whole. Their learning wasn’t a confused mountain of tiny puzzle pieces of information. This process allowed them to make judgments and to see the hand of God work in history. If you ever watch Nathan teach on Contend For Your Faith, you will see how this type of teaching shaped a serious history buff, yet he never had a history textbook while being homeschooled. He is also a science buff, yet we never—not one time—went through a science curriculum book. Never. Now, I know many moms would rather just use store-bought curriculum. I did not have that option. When homeschooling was in its infancy, there were no pre-made curriculums, and I am seriously glad of that vacuum, because I was forced to create my own. I am a better person for the effort, and my kids have a wider understanding of life…it’s called wisdom. I can hear the loud fray of rebellious homeschooling moms calling out to me to mind my own business. Hey, girlies, YOU ARE MY BUSINESS. The Bible says, “let the aged women teach the younger.” At this time in my life, I have definitely qualified as aged. My advice to you is to use your curriculum, but don’t use it like the Old Testament law. Completing every page is not necessary. Get off the treadmill and learn to walk in the sunlight, discovering real-life things while you learn facts. Go to the library every week and check out books that pertain to your week’s project. Over the years we studied volcanoes, spiders, Indians, herbs, wind currents, trees, and hundreds of other interesting topics. Start a book club and train your children to read to younger children when you have meetings. Teach them dramatics in reading—children love this.

Get off the treadmill and learn to walk in the sunlight, discovering real-life things while you learn facts.

Make it a practice to read out loud to your children…a lot. We read cowboy stories, mysteries, science fiction and nonfiction, and a lot of missionary biographies. A wonderful way to teach creative writing is every evening at bedtime, make up wild, long, to-be-continued tales stopping often to say, “And what do you think happened next?” Work their ideas into your story. Have them do art during the day that depicts the story. And by all means, make a timeline. Even a short family timeline is fun and a learning experience. So, yes, I miss my homeschooling days. Even for me, as the homeschooling mom, they were fun. Homeschooling and learning can and should be a real pleasure for the whole gang. It is your job to make sure it is.