No Greater Joy Ministries » Leadership

How to Survive the Coming Apocalypse, Part 4: Getting Prepared

Michael Pearl — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 13:04:36 +0000

So we are not going to go through the tribulation, but there have been plenty of times in history when sudden hardship struck a nation and the people were thrown upon their own resources to survive. We could suffer national or local tribulation before the Great Tribulation. It is a small possibility, but very real, that some of us could, in our lifetime, experience a Hurricane Katrina, or Sandy, or devastating tornadoes, earthquakes, or the ravages of war—foreign or civil—or an outbreak of disease that would require us to self-quarantine, maybe something so bad it would be wise to move into the wilderness until it all blew over. Therefore, should I make preparation for such a day? If you are a parent, or are responsible for the safety and security of others, then you have an obligation to be prepared to feed and shelter them in adverse circumstances. “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel” (1 Timothy 5:8). Have you considered what it might take to secure their safety? Are you prepared? “For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Or what king, going to make war against another king, sitteth not down first, and consulteth whether he be able with ten thousand to meet him that cometh against him with twenty thousand?” (Luke 14:28, 31). Many people have a store of food they expect to last three months or a year. They spend lots of money on freeze-dried staples not to be eaten except in a survival situation. Eventually, when kept for a long time and not needed, they are thrown out or fed to the birds. About every 10 to 15 years there is a popular panic like Y2K or the election of someone named Hussein, and they refresh their stores. I have been around since the end of the Second World War watching the fear cycle repeat itself.

I could not hide in my basement, grinding my wheat by hand and baking bread, knowing they were next door starving.

I, too, have been concerned. I maintain a limited store of basic foods and have made preparation to have plenty of water on hand and some fuel for my vehicles and tractors, a generator, and the ability to defend my family, but my perspective is quite different from the so-called survivalist who prepares a bunker stored with food and ammunition. I feel an obligation to my brother (anyone I have not yet met) as well as to my family. I cannot turn away a person in need. (However, I reserve the right to determine whether a person is truly in need or just in want.) If I had 20 buckets of wheat and I were aware of a hungry family, I could not hide in my basement, grinding my wheat by hand and baking bread, knowing they were next door starving. Living on a farm as I do, if society were to fall apart and there were no more gasoline, food, or electricity, and a family were to come up dragging their meager belongings in a pushcart, children hungry, wife exhausted from carrying a baby, and the husband/father filled with fear and concern for his family, I could not point my gun at them and tell them to move on down the road, saying, “This is my food.” Inconceivable! What would Jesus do? If you live in a city and society were to degenerate into chaos and desperation, do you want your children and you to be the only fat people on the block? The hungry might eat you! Does your Christianity go on hold when there is not enough bread for everybody? “And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also. “And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. “Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away. “Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;” (Matthew 5:40–44).

Knowledge and Skill

Now I am going to share with you the heart of my preparation, and it is my suggestion for you. The best preparation for adversity is not in the stores you maintain but in the knowledge and skills you possess. It is better to be resourceful than to have resources. Knowledge is better than gold and goods. Your ability to assess your surroundings and adapt to them is something you take with you when you are stripped naked and left for dead. A man dependent upon his storehouse of treasures is necessarily a fearful and anxious man. For a Christian, it is a big dilemma. How can you reconcile eating while others starve? How can you refuse shelter and aid to anyone in need? Are you prepared to send rain on the unjust? I know this is radical, not very Southern/Mid-Western macho male, but Jesus said: “And when he had called the people unto him with his disciples also, he said unto them, Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it. “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? “Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul? “Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation; of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he cometh in the glory of his Father with the holy angels” (Mark 8:34–38). I am not a pacifist. But after being a Christian for 54 years, walking after the Spirit of God, having my own spirit rebuked and checked 10,000 times, I have come to share a little of God’s heart in these matters, and I still have a Bible that overrules my personal feelings and institutional ideas.

Begin Preparation

Prepare your mind by learning and practicing any skill that might be needed in difficult times. Where you live will dictate areas in which you need to be prepared. If you live in New York City, you will need different skill sets than if you live on the bayou in Louisiana. I am going to share with you some of the skills I have learned that leave me comfortable with any eventuality. But the basic principle is that you must address your own personal fears and insecurities by attacking the darkness that leaves you feeling uncertain and insecure. If I lived in New York City, I would want a hot air balloon to launch from the roof of a building and float away. If that were not possible, then I would want an inflatable boat with a 15-hp motor that I could transport to the water and make my exit. If that is out of the question, then I would want a bicycle in good condition—one for every member of the family—and a couple of trailers to pull behind the bicycles, one for each child too young to ride and one for provisions—water and a little food. You would be wasting your time trying to exit the east coast in an automobile. It would take a month and a lot of bulldozer work to clear out New York City. If I lived in NYC and had a bicycle, it would make me feel that I was in control of my own life. Of course, you would need to know that you could ride 150 miles in a day and then camp out in the woods at night, snare wild game for food or make a fish trap, build a shelter, and start a fire. And it would be good to have a destination. Make preparation to move in with a family member or friend who lives away from the big cities. Visit them once or twice a year and store your goods in the back of their garage or in their barn. Develop a partnership survival pact in case it is needed. If you don’t have family or friends in safer areas, buy a run-down, cheap farmhouse on a small piece of land and make it a family project to fix it up as a vacation house and a survival enclave in case it is ever needed. Get to know the locals and learn your way around the community. A three- or four-hundred-mile bicycle ride in one week is easy to do. Traffic jams and fuel shortages won’t be a problem for you. Most of us do not live in the heart of big cities. Yet there remains a sense of insecurity when we imagine a national crisis. No matter where you live, you need to have the skills to live off the land like the pioneers and mountain men did 175 years ago. You may live on a farm right now, but what happens if you are chased off of it by government thugs or overrun by people from the cities? Can you just walk out into open country and survive with some measure of comfort? There are many books and websites on survival skills. It is not enough to view them; you must practice. Make it a family hobby to build a fire and cook on it. Build a fish trap from old chicken wire or from willow branches. Go ahead, catch some fish, and then cook them in the wild. It will do you a world of good. The thing about survival food is that it doesn’t have to be good enough to be sold in supermarkets. A cup full of minnows will add sufficient protein to your wild salad soup to sustain the entire family. Wild game is quite limited and will disappear rather quickly when a number of people begin to depend on it, but ponds, streams and lakes contain an endless supply of protein—turtles, frogs, fish, even snakes and lizards. And it is a lot easier to trap fish than it is to catch a squirrel or rabbit. Because I know I would share what I have with any who needed it, I know I can never store enough food to have any sustaining effect. So I do not have a big store. I have the ability to forage the fields and woods to gather wild things to eat. Saving garden seeds, I am prepared from one year to the next to grow what I need to eat. I save enough corn seed each year to plant and feed several hundred people for an entire year. If hard times come and a family comes to my farm, I will give them a chain saw or ax and show them how to build a log cabin in the woods, and then I will show them how to gather wild stuff to eat—greens, seeds, nuts—and show them how to walk the three miles to the river and use fish traps. I will help them become self-sufficient. They will have to plant and hoe the corn, bend over and pull the weeds, and then harvest it and grind it by hand into meal, and then cook their corn bread to go with the wild greens and acorn cakes they will bake. If they want something sweet, they can follow the wild bees and harvest honey, or in the spring they can tap maple trees and then cut and split the wood that will be used for cooking it down into syrup.

I know many people who laugh at the thought of a time of deprivation…because they know they can weather anything the world throws at them.

It will not be easy, but they will survive if they are willing to work. If they are lazy and will not work, I will not feed them. I will not give them my bedroom, and I will not cut their firewood, I will not gather their wild plants or prepare their meals. “For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat” (2 Thessalonians 3:10). Depending on one’s knowledge and skill instead of a hoarded store is most liberating. I will have nothing to steal, nothing to protect. If a man wants to take my cup of fish or my basket of wild plants, I will let him have it and go gather some more. I can give to any who ask of me and never run out, for God supplies my needs through nature. There are hundreds of books covering all the skill sets you will need, but you must have hands-on experience to gain the confidence that takes away anxiety and fear. Become a practitioner of the wilderness arts. I know many people who laugh at the thought of a time of deprivation, not because they do not believe it could happen, but because they know they can weather anything the world throws at them. They will grin and say, “It sounds like fun.”

Where to Begin?

Start camping out or buy that old farmhouse and make it your “little house on the prairie.” Buy some books or go online and learn to identify edible plants. Half of the plants growing in a field can be eaten. The other half will make you sick. You have to harvest and eat them now if you are going to be ready. Make and use small fish traps in local streams or ponds. Go for the little fish and minnows. Learn to use hand tools as well as power tools. Build something. Construct a temporary shelter out of materials you can forage—old carpet, plastic, cardboard, trees and branches, scraps of wood lying around. The kids will find it more fun than anything they have ever done. Take the family hiking and exploring. Learn the wilderness around you—water supply, caves, building material, abandoned buildings that could be commandeered in hard times. Keep on hand the tools that would be useful—chain saws, cross-cut saws, axes and hand saws, hammers and sharpened knives and machetes. Rope and wire are handy as is plumber’s tape. A small amount of chicken wire to make fish traps would be useful. Outdoor cooking pots and pans, matches and lighters, flashlights, a small solar panel to charge a radio and flashlights. I have a Geiger counter and keep iodine on hand in case the unthinkable happens. Learn how to treat disease and wounds without modern medical help. Learn how to gather and use healing herbs. Right now, begin growing something to eat. You can grow vegetables in a one-gallon pot sitting in a window. You can grow an entire garden on asphalt by using bales of straw. A garden 10 by 16 feet will feed two people all the vegetables they can eat. Most people start their gardening experience with a plot that is too big, and the labor is so intensive, they give up. Become a student and a practitioner of growing your own food.

How to Survive the Coming Apocalypse, Part 3: Worst-Case Scenarios

Michael Pearl — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 13:03:28 +0000

I hear your fears of worst-case scenarios—marauding bands of motorcycle gang members raping and pillaging. Maybe you have watched too many apocalyptic movies. In the early nineties, my son Gabriel went over to Albania to help a missionary defend an orphanage. The government was no more—no utilities, no jobs, no law. The people had broken into the military armories and stolen all the guns, grenades, rocket launchers, explosives, and anything else they wanted. Everyone was heavily armed. The missionary was concerned for the safety of the children, so he mounted a 50-caliber machine gun behind sandbags at the front door of his orphanage. While there, Gabriel purchased an SKS for $65. It was the doomsday scenario everyone fears. Yet Gabriel saw no violence to speak of. The people got dressed in the morning and walked the streets just like they were going to work. They wandered around as in a trance, disbelieving that their world had shut down. The American news reported acts of violence and mayhem, but it was somewhere other than where Gabriel was. Block after block of city dwellers did not pillage their neighbors and did not rape and riot. I lived in Memphis when Martin Luther King, Jr. was murdered. I saw on the news all the violence that ensued, but I did not see any of it personally, and I lived within one mile of the largest black community in the city. Likewise, in the LA riots, you had to tune in to the TV to actually see violence, that is, unless you owned an electronics shop in the district where such things are likely to happen.

Good people in a community will come together for mutual protection and assistance.

There is much recorded history to consider. During the two world wars in France, Germany, Russia, and other countries where for a time people were hungry and without local law, the populace did not go crazy, leaving the country in apocalyptic meltdown. Most people acted civilized and helped their neighbors. They suffered together and shared where they could. I do think there is an unreasonable fear based on Hollywood-induced imagination. Obviously, even right now in the best of times, there are places in every major city where violence is more likely, where you are risking your life to go out at night, where you are likely to be burglarized at least once a year. Certainly, in these crime-prone areas, during a period of economic collapse or a breakdown of law and order, violence will skyrocket. If you live on the edge of such an area, within easy walking distance, you could be in danger if everything goes haywire. But if you live in the suburbs with civilized people all around you, a good number of them armed, according to past history there is no reason to think you are going to be dragged into the streets and your home pillaged. In a worst-case scenario, you may get hungry, not have any utilities, have to build a wood fire and boil sewer water to drink, and be at risk of roving burglars and robbers, but good people in a community will come together for mutual protection and assistance. It has always been the case throughout history. I am not suggesting that you need not prepare for the unthinkable. I am only suggesting that your preparation should be more in line with reasonable possibilities. Don’t be consumed with preparing for something that has only happened in a Hollywood movie. Make sufficient preparations for something like the Great Depression in a calm and reasonable manner, and then get on with living the life God gave you.

Fear can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Live in faith, thanksgiving, and rejoicing.

Some people just seem to need a little fear in their lives. The world loves doomsday scenarios, movies, books, and documentaries, like kids generating tension so they can scream when the other child jumps out and says “boo.” It makes them feel alive. It would serve you much better to fear diabetes, cancer, and heart disease so as to give attention to prevention. You can do something to keep you and your children from being in the 75% that will succumb to one of these diseases. If you want to fear something, fear the 25% chance that one of your children will be molested, or the 50% chance that your spouse will get fed up with your selfishness and leave you. Fear that one of your sons will access pornography and end up being a sodomite. Fear the genetically modified food you are eating or the incurable infections being created by antibiotics. These things are real. They are happening now. One of them is more likely to happen to you than not. For a family to escape all of these is about as rare as winning the lottery. Don’t live as Job did, with fear as your vision. “For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me” (Job 3:25). Fear can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Live in faith, thanksgiving, and rejoicing. It is much better preparation for the day of distress. “Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God? But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows” (Luke 12:6–7).

How to Survive the Coming Apocalypse, Part 2: Pre-Wrath Rapture? Zombies, Earthquakes, & Scorching Heat

Michael Pearl — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 13:02:10 +0000

Dear Mr. Pearl, I know that you believe in the rapture and that Christians will not have to endure the tribulation, but I have come to believe that we will go through the tribulation but not the day of wrath, so the church will be purified as we become overcomers. Have you read the book by Rosenthal, The Pre-Wrath Rapture of the Church?

Michael answers: Yes, I read it when it was first published. As always, when I read something written by a sincere believer that differs with my position, I open my mind and try to see their point of view, making myself willing to change my views if I see that I have been wrong in my interpretation of the Bible. I read the book once, and then I read it again, taking notes and searching his arguments thoroughly. No one could be more open to his point of view than I, but I was greatly disappointed in the strength of his arguments. It seemed to be written by a man who lost his faith in the words of God. The end result of carefully considering his point of view was that it strengthened my belief in the Bible believer’s historical doctrine of the pre-tribulational rapture of all believers.

Dear Michael, I know that we are living in the last times, and I feel an urgency to get my family into a place where we can survive the tribulation that is coming. Have you written anything on how to survive the coming apocalypse?

Michael answers:

The way to survive the coming apocalypse is to reject the mark of the beast when he shows up (Revelation 14:9; 15:2; 20:4), and during the tribulation, hear, repent, believe, and obey the gospel of the kingdom preached by one of the 144,000 Jewish evangelists (Matthew 24:14), and keep the commandments of God (Revelation 12:17; 14:12) as well as the faith of Christ. Avoid drinking the water (Revelation 8:11). Store up enough painkillers to last each member of your family for five months (Revelation 9:6–10). Avoid being killed by the zombies (Revelation 9:6). Build an enclosed structure that is defensible against the starving masses (Revelation 6:8) that cannot be penetrated by flying scorpions, and prepare to stay inside during the five months that they terrorize the earth (Revelation 9:10). Don’t expect your children to repent during the tribulation (Revelation 9:20). Locate in an earthquake resistant zone (Revelation 11:13, 16:18). Prepare your structure with sufficient power supply to air condition it against the scorching heat (Revelation 16:8–9). Be prepared to move above ground when the tectonic shift takes place (Revelation 16:20). But when you do move above ground, make preparations to avoid the 60-pound hailstones (Revelation 16:21). Avoid any area in Italy, especially close to the Vatican (Revelation 18). Know that if you are able to survive the judgments of God, in the end you and all your family will be deceived by the antichrist’s lies and will be damned (2 Thessalonians 2: 8–12).

Why go through judgment when Jesus has already taken your judgment upon himself?

The last thing you will see on this earth are the Christians returning to the earth at the end of their seven-year heavenly cruise of worship and praise to set up the kingdom of heaven upon the earth. Know that if in this present age you had believed on the Lord Jesus Christ and were born again, God would have kept you from the “hour of temptation, which shall come upon all the world, to try them that dwell upon the earth” (Revelation 3:10). Why go through the time of judgment when Jesus has already taken your judgment upon himself? I am well aware that in the last 30 years there has been a shift from the pre-tribulation rapture to the post-wrath, or mid-trib, or post-trib, or no-trib positions. The shift is a result of two distinctive factors: degeneration in the believer’s confidence in the inspired words of God, and loss of confidence in the supernatural. Those who have made the shift are not even aware of their loss of confidence in the written words of God or of their loss of confidence in a transcended God of imminent miracles. The degree to which one believes in the inspiration of every word of the Bible and in the normal grammatical approach to interpretation is the degree to which he believes in the rapture, second coming, and the millennial (thousand-year) reign of Christ upon the earth. History attests to the fact that as men lose their faith in the words of God, they gravitate toward the allegorical approach to interpretation and move away from belief in an imminent return of Christ for his saints. The carnal mind finds it more comfortable to believe in what he can see—a coming “apocalypse” and man destroying himself—than to believe in the imminent rapture of the church. Anyone who can read English and, according to the rules of grammar, understand what he reads will come to a belief in two distinctive events separated by seven years: the unannounced and unseen rapture of the church, and the very predictable and very visible second coming of Christ with his saints. In this small magazine, it is not possible to address the subject fully. So I have found a very simple, 200-page book online—free—that does a great job of defending the pre-tribulational rapture of the church. Download the entire book and share it with others. The Rapture Solution: Putting the Puzzle Together by Allen Beechick. I have indeed read the books that teach the other positions. Now it is your turn to think for yourself and read something different. There is no reason to live in fear when you can be rejoicing in Christ’s soon appearing.

How to Survive the Coming Apocalypse, Part 1: Fear Not Them Which Destroy the Body

Michael Pearl — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 13:01:51 +0000

Dear Mr. Pearl, We live in the suburbs of a fairly large city. We homeschool our six children and also home church. We are very concerned about the way our country is going. There are so many bad things happening in the world, and the signs point to the coming of antichrist and the tribulation. We talk about moving to a remote place to live so we can protect the children when everything falls apart, but we do not have the slightest idea where to begin. If we could find a place and live around people of like mind who could help us get started, we would probably make the move. Do you have any recommendation? Do you know of a community of believers that has room for one more family?

Mike answers:

Wow! Where do I begin? There is so much in this letter that needs addressing, and it is just one of hundreds that we have received. I have asked my children to respond to some of the issues, so we are dedicating this entire magazine to this one subject. First, I want to share our personal experience with you. I can understand your consternation. Thirty or forty years ago, even before it looked like the country would descend into anarchy or civil war or financial collapse, before it was obvious that social engineering and overregulation would prevent us from living our convictions, I was concerned about keeping my family in a position to survive all the crazy, dire possibilities of doom and destruction. When I was in my teens, I knew several “whacky” adults who followed the John Birch Society. I passed them off as conspiracy nuts. Wikipedia says of the John Birch Society:

The organization identifies with Christian principles, seeks to limit governmental powers, and opposes wealth redistribution and economic interventionism. It opposes practices it terms collectivism, totalitarianism, and communism. It opposes socialism and fascism as well, which it asserts is infiltrating US governmental administration. In a 1983 edition of Crossfire, Congressman Larry McDonald (D-Georgia), then its newly appointed president, characterized the society as belonging to the Old Right rather than the New Right.

In the fifties and sixties, the warning cry was against creeping communism. The USSR was spreading its philosophy around the globe, and our leaders spoke of the “domino effect.” One by one the countries in Asia and Africa, and even our neighbors 90 miles away in Cuba were falling to the “Reds.” At the time there was serious concern about an eventual communist invasion of our homeland, taking away the liberties granted to us by God, as denoted in the Constitution. I must confess, back in the late sixties and early seventies, I saw nothing that indicated our freedoms might be at risk from within. The prophets crying doom seemed to be fringe indeed. Then the USSR dissolved and sought democratic reform. We won! Our republic would survive. No communism for us. With the “fall of communism” and the arrival of the prosperous eighties and nineties, the John Birch Society and other like organizations faded from the public eye, appearing to be discredited prophets now irrelevant. Little did I know that the “communists” would not come to America in landing craft and parachutes; they would come from our universities, be called “progressive,” and be voted into office by the people who wanted government to be the source of their prosperity. Our personal, family awakening came when the progressives (socialists) tried to engineer our family for us. By the late seventies, Deb and I had begun homeschooling, a practice unheard of in Memphis, Tennessee. After three hostile visits from Child Protective Services (CPS) with threats to take away our children, and then our big day appearing before the judge, we were beginning to wonder about a 1984-like scenario and Big Brother. Could the John Birch Society and its kind be right? We were pressed to form plans to escape the hand of those who “knew best what was good for our children.” The kids knew the signal that meant they were to go to the basement, climb up on the washing machine, open the window quietly, and slip through the woods to an old, abandoned barn about one mile away and wait for their grandparents to pick them up and take them out of state to a secret location. After several visits and warnings from CPS, a certified letter delivered by a sheriff notified us to bring our children and appear in the judge’s chamber on Monday morning at ten o’clock. We stowed the children for hasty departure from the state and went to see the judge alone. It was the first volley in a battle we fought and eventually won, but it did not give us any confidence in the goodwill of what I now knew to be our socialist government. We had raised the kids in the country, fifteen miles outside of Memphis, providing them with a pond in which to swim, free access to the woods and bottom lands, hunting and fishing, planting a small garden, and working in my wood shop. They had lots of Christian friends, most of them adults who shared their interests. We were part of a strong ministry of winning the lost to Christ and building them up in the faith. The kids saw God save thousands of people and change their lives. They knew God was the center of it all. But by 1988, with five children and the oldest having gone through puberty and one other not far behind, knowing the time of great temptation for the children was approaching, we had enough of the rat race and of trying to provide artificial community for the kids. Many of the people who shared the ministry with us did not fully embrace our convictions. It was obvious that their children would not grow up to be what we wanted ours to become. Their sons and daughters would not make good spouses. And young people tend to pick the fruit closest to the ground, hanging over the fence in their own backyards. So we sold our four-acre estate and moved to a 100-acre piece of unimproved ground in the hills of Middle Tennessee. It was a wild, crazy adventure. We logged with mules, sawed our lumber on a homemade saw mill, and built our house, barns, shop, and outbuildings. We cleared new ground, plowed, strung fences, milked cows, chased chickens, trying to recover their eggs, grew our vegetables, killed deer for our meat, ground wheat and corn for our bread, and generally lived very poor, plain lives. We loved every minute of it and the kids grew strong and resilient. None of our neighbors went to public schools or public churches. Every kid had to work hard all day long. They met at the swimming hole in the late afternoons and sometimes spent their days exploring the wooded ridges within a five-mile radius. The kids never went to a mall or movie theatre. There wasn’t—and still isn’t—a television in the house. Not one in the barn either. We did get a 15-inch screen and a VCR and on occasion let the kids watch 101 Dalmatians, The Sound of Music, and other like movies until the tapes wore out.

In the final analysis, it is not the community or the church that produces great children and tremendous adults; it is home life rooted in sincere, relaxed love of God and family that bears eternal fruit.

In the evenings we played checkers and “bored” games (spelled correctly). The girls sewed while the boys constructed spear guns or glued fletches on their arrows or practiced their fast draw. We had Bible reading and told Bible stories. Two or three nights a week we had Bible studies with other families with the kids listening attentively, participating as they were able. I took any kind of job I could get where the boys and girls could work with me, building barns and outbuildings, laying stone, or cutting hickory sticks for sale to rustic-furniture makers. The boys got a small percentage of what we made—7% and 5%, based on their age and abilities. In the spring and summer we grew organic vegetables and sold them in Nashville. That is the most difficult way to make a dollar. In the end I think I made about $2 an hour, and the kids got about $2 a day. Everybody was glad to see the end of our truck patch farm. Even in our “Christian community,” there were some families with whom we associated who matured into immaturity. Not all reaped sweet fruit. A form of godliness may conceal, but it will never heal the depravity on the inside. In the final analysis, it is not the community or the church that produces great children and tremendous young adults; it is home life rooted in sincere, relaxed love of God and family that bears eternal fruit. A rotten relationship, or just an empty relationship, between husband and wife and parents and kids is a soul poison without an antidote. Genuine, laughing love immersed in creativity is a miracle cure-all that supercharges the soul and grows up children that are too healthy to come down with soul diseases. My children now range from 29 to 39 years old and they have given us 21 grandkids—so far. I can say without reservation that the fruit of old age is sweet indeed. There is nothing but harmony and goodwill in the family. God has blessed us beyond our deserts. He gives us grace for grace. What God began in a 13-year-old boy (when I was born again) and a 9-year-old girl 54 years ago, he has been faithful to continue in ways that leave us wanting for nothing and without regrets. From personal experience I can highly recommend the Christian life based on the Spirit of grace and mercy. Fear Not Now, it seems like I have gotten away from my subject of preparing for hard times, but I haven’t. I just want to testify that the dark curtain coming down over our nation does not cause us to fear. Hard times on the outside don’t have to translate into hard times on the inside. We do not want to be numbered with those whose “hearts [are] failing them for fear, and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth” (Luke 21:26). Jesus said, “And fear not them which kill the body…” (Matthew 10:28). And again he said, “But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows” (Luke 12:7). And again Jesus reassures us, “Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom” (Luke 12:32). As to hoarding for hard times ahead, Jesus said, “Sell that ye have, and give alms; provide yourselves bags which wax not old, a treasure in the heavens that faileth not, where no thief approacheth, neither moth corrupteth” (Luke 12:33).

Hard times on the outside don’t have to translate into hard times on the inside.

No doubt most Christians need to make some lifestyle changes if they want to be prepared for societal unrest and economic depression. But our starting point must be faith, not fear. “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love” (1 John 4:18). We need to be celebrating life and liberty in the spirit, not complaining and whining about the poor state of the state. We must claim the promise, “Because thou hast kept the word of my patience, I also will keep thee from the hour of temptation, which shall come upon all the world, to try them that dwell upon the earth” (Revelation 3:10). I have a ticket out of here before the Great Tribulation (Jacob’s troubles/the time of wrath). More on that later in this magazine. Come What May So come what may, if the worst does happen, our generation will not be the first to suffer deprivation or persecution. The writer of Hebrews indicates that the trials that come upon us are to give us the opportunity to become overcomers, to crown us with glory, to build faith. He says of sufferings, “all are partakers” (Hebrews 12:8). The writer of Hebrews dedicates an entire chapter to those in adversity who did not fear but established a testimony of faith. “And what shall I more say? for the time would fail me to tell of Gedeon, and of Barak, and of Samson, and of Jephthae; of David also, and Samuel, and of the prophets: “Who through faith subdued kingdoms, wrought righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, “Quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, waxed valiant in fight, turned to flight the armies of the aliens. “Women received their dead raised to life again: and others were tortured, not accepting deliverance; that they might obtain a better resurrection: “And others had trial of cruel mockings and scourgings, yea, moreover of bonds and imprisonment: “They were stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were slain with the sword: they wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins; being destitute, afflicted, tormented; “(Of whom the world was not worthy:) they wandered in deserts, and in mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth. “And these all, having obtained a good report through faith, received not the promise: “God having provided some better thing for us, that they without us should not be made perfect. “Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. “For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds” (Hebrews 11:32–12:3). Caring for Our Own

If you are like me, you feel a strong, instinctual need to make provision for your family’s safety and comfort.

But just because we have peace on the inside and can overcome the world, that does not mean I want to be thrown into the fiery furnace, or go hungry, or be vulnerable to a political system hostile to traditional family and Christianity. It would be foolish to sit on my faith and take lightly the possibility of coming hardship and deprivation. We should prepare but not panic. We should plan while we pray. We should get ready but remain steady. While laying up our treasure in heaven, we should lay up a store for the day of famine here on earth. Did not God warn the Egyptians of hard times coming? And did not their preparation see them through the days of dearth? Noah received a warning of coming judgment and “prepared an ark to the saving of his house” (Hebrews 11:7). While believing in God’s care and provision, we can save him a miracle by using the brain he gave us to take care of ourselves. “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel” (1 Timothy 5:8). If you are like me, you feel a strong, instinctual need to make provision for your family’s safety and comfort. A farmer should have faith, but he must also put his hand to the plow. The Pearl family has made preparation against the days of trial, and we are comfortable with our position in a worst-case scenario. So we dedicate this magazine to some very practical suggestions that, if heeded, can cause you to feel sufficiently prepared come what may. We can say with the apostle Paul: “What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? “He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things? “Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God’s elect? It is God that justifieth. “Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us. “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? “As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. “Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, “Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:31–39).

Carpathian Mountain Outreach

Joshua Steele — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:09:32 +0000

In the summer of 2005, I embarked on a ten-day backpacking trip with fellow missionary Nathan Day. Our objective was to visit villages located in the Carpathian Mountains of Western Ukraine and determine how to best reach those people with the gospel. The result of that trip was the birth of an annual outreach that has become one of our most effective and far-reaching. We call it simply Carpathian Mountain Outreach, or CMO for short. Our first CMO project took place in the summer of 2006. In addition to our full-time missionaries (Jessie Beal, Nathan Day, and me) we were joined by eight young men from the United States, including a father-son team. Together, we began making weekend trips into the mountains, showing Christian films, preaching the gospel, and inviting our audiences to enroll in Bible First, our correspondence Bible course. On weekdays, we conducted large-scale literature campaigns in our base city of L’viv and other urban centers in the west. The outcome of that first CMO project was far beyond our expectations. One after another, Ukrainians began requesting our Bible lessons, and our enrollment climbed quickly into the hundreds. The American men who assisted us received hands-on evangelism training and returned to the States with new vision. Several of them are now in ministry, and one even started his own correspondence course! Each year, God has blessed us with outstanding groups of men who travel to Ukraine for one to two months at a time, assisting us in advancing God’s kingdom in places that are truly gripped by spiritual darkness. Since 2006, our CMO teams have reached over 60 mountain villages with the gospel message. In addition, over 885,000 pieces of gospel literature have been distributed throughout L’viv, mountain villages, and other cities in Western Ukraine. As a result, we maintain an active enrollment of around 500 students in our Bible correspondence course. This year’s CMO team is already being assembled, and the call for laborers is going out. Young man, will you join us? If you feel that God is directing you to respond to this opportunity, there are several steps you can take right now in order to prepare yourself for Carpathian Mountain Outreach.

Watch the new CMO movie. It will give you a much clearer understanding of the project. http://www.euroteamoutreach.org/cmomovie
Visit the CMO page on our website and download the Application and Info Pack for 2013. http://www.euroteamoutreach.org/cmo
Apply for a U.S. passport if you don’t have one already. http://travel.state.gov/passport/passport_1738.html
If you have any questions, email me: josh@euroteamoutreach.org

We look forward to serving with you in the harvest fields of Ukraine!

Six Ways Parents Destroy Their Children Without Trying

Michael Pearl — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 14:05:47 +0000

God promises, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). Parents, who see one of their children hit the fan, often have a hard time appreciating this verse. In fact, as the homeschool movement ages there are more and more parents claiming the verse does not mean what it says, because it didn’t hold true in their experience. Here are just a few of the reasons a child is lost to the world and how parents caused it to happen without even trying. I say “without trying” because when children turn out poorly, as many do, parents are at a loss as to why. It is always unexpected—certainly unplanned. An eighteen-year-old is unthankful and rebellious, walks around like the family is his enemy and he has been enslaved and abused by them his whole life. Anger is his first response to everything and to nothing. If you view old TV programs made 50 years ago of families relating to one another, they look like today’s ideal Christian homeschool family. Daddy is respected and honored and Mother is cherished. Family problems were always resolved with good cheer and forgiveness. Teenage morality was taken for granted. The future was bright and full of hope, and there was no state of rebellion in the kids. In contrast, modern TV and movies usually represent today’s average family—accurately I might add—as dysfunctional psycho wards of vindictive anger and disrespect. In most movies the family is already divorced or going through the painful process. If a movie were made with a teenager loving his parents as they love their children and each other, and everyone with good cheer and hope for the future, it would be considered corny and unrealistic to the point that the only people who could relate to it would be the ones who stopped watching TV thirty years ago. So I am going to tell you how kids come to a ruinous end without their parents exerting any effort or attention to the process at all. In fact, that is the first step toward sabotaging your children’s future—no effort and no attention.

1. Get so busy providing for them that you don’t have time for them.

Children are like plants growing every day. They need regular attention and direction.

When children turn out poorly, as many do, parents are at a loss as to why.

I plant a garden every year. And about half of the time I wait too long to stake my tomatoes. A small plant doesn’t need staking. and I tell myself I will stake them before it becomes critical. But it may rain for an entire week, or I get busy doing something else and can’t get around to it. The plant gets so big the stems fall on the ground. When the leaves of a tomato plant are exposed to the soil they quickly develop disease. When the fruit touches the ground it will rot about the time it should be getting ripe. This year I had a second late patch that I intended to stake but waited too long. I finally staked them but too late to prevent the disease. It is not what I did; it is what I didn’t do that spoiled the crop. So it is with children, they need constant pruning and fertilizing and training to grow up instead of down—to reach for blue skies instead of crawling along the ground. So the worst thing you can do for your children is just ignore them and allow nature to take its course. Plan on training them but never get around to it. Children need the constant sunshine of their parents’ smile and approval. They need to be pointed in the right direction day after day. They need admonition like a plant needs fertilizer. And as water activates the fertilizer, making it available to the roots, smiles activate our admonition making it available to the soul of the child. Children raised right grow up right, no exceptions. It is God’s certain promise (Proverbs 22:6).

2. Set a bad example.

The second thing parents do that will assure a bitter outcome for the children is to set a bad example. Some people would say fighting in front of the kids has negative consequences. All fighting whether in front of the kids or in private will be destructive, but the most destructive things is not the fighting as much as how you fight and how it is resolved. I have known families that had big fights, but—I hope you can understand this—their fights were not personal. They were resolved as publicly as they were waged, and the public displays of anger did not create deep hurt in anybody. There are some loving souls that express themselves loudly and with emotion. They punctuate their points with explosive words and gestures, but they are equally as effulgent in their make-up and passionate love. Kids come to understand the heart of their parents and are more influenced by their intentions than their rhetoric. A wife of a certain temperament can scream at her husband that she hates him, and the children hear her saying, “I love you so much, you exasperate me to the point I could kick you just before we make love again.” The kids know the outcome is going to be as always, Mom and Pop making up and saying they are sorry and that they didn’t mean it and melting in each other’s arms. Public fights should be resolved in public so the kids can see the process of how it is worked out and how forgiveness and understanding occurs.

So the worst thing you can do for your children is…plan on training them, but never get around to it.

I have seen other families where the parents were careful to never fight in front of the kids, but the children are able to see the tension and ill will building, and they observe it being taken into the bed room where they occasionally hear muffled but raised voices. The parents come out not speaking to each other, followed by hours or days of emotional distance. Now that kind of fighting is indeed harmful to the children. They are able to read the souls of their parents and they feel the bitterness and hate in every moment of silence and self-control. Bad example. Leaf blight. Rotting fruit. The bad example extends to every area of life. Any discipline you want your children to have you must exemplify it yourself. You can set a bad example in criticizing others, in carelessness with money, unthankfulness, unkindness, laziness, irresponsibility, and more. Be what you want your children to be and you will be providing the best training possible.

3. Expressing displeasure regularly.

This is a biggie. It is so subtle that parents don’t even know it is happening. I have observed parents relating to their children in intermittent displeasure and seen the negative effect it is having. When they ask my advice I have pointed out their destructive tendency to always criticize or show displeasure with their child. They are usually shocked and unbelieving. “I love my children,” they exclaim. And I respond, “But?” They fill in the blank, “But, he is so stubborn and willful, always doing the opposite to what I tell him.” And with exasperation, and what I detect as anger, they say, “I have spanked him and it seems to do no good; I just don’t know what to do any more.” I follow up with, “You say he is stubborn most of the time; how do you respond most of the time?” She answers, “Sure, I am displeased; what else could I be; I can’t be happy when he is so stubborn.” It is a vicious cycle. A child’s bad behavior provokes looks of displeasure and looks of displeasure provoke bad attitudes leading to bad behavior. I have said it so many times. If you cannot train your children to do as they ought, it is far better to lower your standards and enjoy them as they are than to allow your looks of displeasure to become the norm. A kid may grow up to be undisciplined and self-willed, but there is no reason to add to it a feeling of being unloved and unable to please.

Any discipline you want your children to have you must exemplify yourself.

I am not suggesting that there is not a remedy that solves the bad behavior. I only emphasize that a vital part of stopping the bad behavior is to cease the cycle of looks of rejection, followed by more bad behavior, followed by more looks of rejection, followed by “I hate you and never want to see you again; why did you have to be my mother/father?” I have spoken of it elsewhere, especially in my DVD, The Joy of Training, and the article, The Flavor of Joy (found in the back of To Train Up A Child), so I will not go into detail here, but suffice to say, child training is causing the child to want to please you and be like you. They will want to please you only when they find pleasure in your presence. You must become the vital source of their joy if they are going to give up their rebellion and choose to exercise self-discipline and self-denial.

4. Not enforcing boundaries.

The next best way to destroy your children without trying is to fail to enforce boundaries. It is easy to do—to not enforce boundaries. Just love your kids and believe they will turn out OK as long as you do not create any self-loathing or feelings of rejection like we talked about above. Smile and believe in the innate goodness of their sweet little hearts, and trust that someday they will grow up and take responsibility for their actions. It is easy to avoid enforcing boundaries because it is the path of least resistance. You don’t have to stir yourself or upset the kids. Let them do as they please—free expression, you know—and they will become your average normal reprobate. But at the least you won’t look like the party pooper. It is a do nothing job that has been left undone by millions of parents. If children all came into the world disciplined and wise and willing to deny their impulses for the greater good, we could just leave them to free expression, but every parent knows better. All children come to us innocent but fallen. They are hedonistic, self-indulging hippies in their natural state. Left to themselves they will bring their mothers to shame (Proverbs 29:15). Adults are supposed to be mature enough to choose the virtuous path and do what they ought to do even if is contrary to their desires. That is character, something that you’re not born with; it has to be developed. And children don’t have character unless they are properly trained. Children do not see the need for self-denial or self-restraint. They feel desire and they do what feels good. So if a parent does nothing, their children will become quite schooled in the dark arts of self-indulgence. Therefore, parents must constrain their children to right behavior. In time their moral understanding will develop and they will begin to choose good, even when it is contrary to their carnal desires. Character is formed, and as training continues his character grows stronger until he matures into an adult.

5. Leaving them to choose their friends.

Many parents have done a good job in training their young children, and have put them on a path of virtue, but in their early teens they are influenced by their peers and yield to temptation while knowing it is not the right path. Even well trained children are flesh and are capable of falling into sin—just as is a moral, disciplined adult. Kids are not wise. They do yet understand the consequences of wrong choices. They need guidance and oversight until they are about twenty years old—sometimes a little older. About the time kids graduate from college they are wise enough to discern good from evil. If you disagree with that assessment, explain spring break at the beach, or fraternity initiations. Woe! It all starts very young. You must choose the social circle for your children and guard it. The quickest way to throw your children away is to enroll them in daycare or preschool or first grade. You lose all control over their friends, and they will become part of the social pool, eventually reduced to the lowest common denominator. If your child shares a pool with kids where just one of them has crapped in the water, your kid is swimming in crap. A few good kids don’t keep the water clean, but one bad kid pollutes it for everybody. I cannot remember the good kids in my third grade, but there were a couple bad ones I will never forget. I can remember their foul words and deeds to this day.

It all starts very young. You must choose your children’s social circle and guard it.

This is probably the hardest thing for a parent to do. It requires great effort and constant vigilance to sift your social circle. There are times your kids will not understand, and there are times that other parents are offended, but a mother hen should guard her chicks against the foxes and coyotes, regardless. It may require an adjustment to your lifestyle to protect your kids. A chicken that has roosted under a chicken hawk nest needs to move even if it is inconvenient. If your church is full of public school kids, you will need to keep your children at your side all the time and not allow them to get personal with a child going to public school. It becomes impossible to limit the social contact of a teenager in such an environment. They shouldn’t have the burden of constantly choosing or eliminating people from their acquaintance. Find a social circle that is righteous and productive where you have nothing to fear from 25 of the teenagers getting together to play soccer or go roller skating together. Remember, they will evolve from you providing their complete social circle to choosing for themselves. You cannot control them past the age when they grow to be autonomous, so you must train them to wisely chose their friends. For the time will come when what you say has little bearing. Train them before they are ten and you can trust them when they are twenty.

6. Finally, you can destroy your children by not giving them any responsibility or holding them accountable.

Remember the key ingredient is “without trying.” Neglect or preoccupation is the culprit. It is operating under the assumption that somehow everything will work out. You are best suited to the task of training your children when you work under the assumption that they are destined to ruin unless you get proactive and do some things much better than the average parent. Responsible action is the duty of all people, and accountability is the inevitable result of being part of a society where the principle of cause and effect is well understood. When there are two people in the room, insofar as they can have an effect on the other, each is responsible for his actions, and the law of love makes us responsible for our neighbor’s well-being. “Let no man seek his own [to advance self], but every man another’s wealth” (1 Corinthians 10:24). Seek to advance the wealth of your neighbor. You should give your children responsibility according to their ability. A child who can walk should be held responsible to pick up his dirty clothes and put them in the laundry basket, clean up spills, and place his toy and books back where they belong. This is the foundation of all future responsible actions. As they get older, they should be responsible to do their share in domestic chores. They should be held responsible to keep up with their boots and shoes if they take them off outdoors. If a kid loses his shoes he should have to work to make the money to buy a used pair at the second hand store. Even a five-year-old can appreciate the value of responsible action when he has to pay the price for irresponsibility. If a teenager throws a ball through the window he should pay to have it repaired. Accountability is what you demand and exact when they are caused to answer for the way they have handled their responsibility. If you fail to hold them accountable, they are in fact not responsible. It is much easier to do it ourselves, but the children must learn, and the burden falls on us to stay involved for their sakes. I have observed a beautiful principle. The children most accountable to act responsibly are the happiest and most secure in love and grounded in good will. You learn to love your neighbor one act of caring at a time. This could have been a list of ten or fifteen ways parents destroy their children without trying, but these six are about all we can stand in one dose. I still believe the Word of God when it says, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). I know there has been a movement to disbelieve the passage as the Holy Spirit inspired it, but the fact remains that when they are trained right they stay right without interruption until they are old. I am an example of right training, as is my wife. My five children were trained in the way they should go and I now see all twenty of my grandchildren (more on the way) being trained that way. I expect a continuance of 100% positive results just as God promised. I will not lower the standard, and you should not lower your expectations because of the poor results others are experiencing. It is difficult in our world “to train up a child in the way he should go,” and some very good and sincere people fail, not for want of personal righteousness, and not from want of trying, but from want of training the kids in the way they should go. Those who fail should not deny the standard but humbly admit their failure to have trained properly. They can analyze the reasons for their failure and have added wisdom to contribute to those parents who are still in the game training their kids. Finally, if you have young children still in the process, but your oldest son has been a disappointment, don’t give up. Humbly ask your wayward son where you went wrong. It doesn’t matter what you said, or what you did, or what you intended; the bottom line is what did he believe and feel. If you cannot let go of the anger and resentment toward him or you spouse, and you cannot humble yourself enough to listen to him instead of condemn, then truly there is no hope for the rest of your children. I have seen families lose their first child to the world, but take it as a wakeup call, and revive their hearts and efforts, resulting in saving the other children from the same fate. Even if you failed with your first child, the promise is still true and you can “Train up a child in the way he should go,” knowing of a certainty “he will not depart from it.”

When Dad’s Away, Boys Need More Than Play

Chasity Akiki — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 14:03:35 +0000

There’s nothing quite like boys…ferociously competitive, endlessly energetic, possessed with the insatiable desire to grab the world by the horns…I’m working up a sweat just thinking about it. This is boys at their best, the way God designed them to be. Our culture pressures us to feminize our boys. It accuses by asking, don’t I want my boys to be caring men? Yes. Thoughtful and considerate? You bet. Sulky, lazy, unmotivated wimps? Yuck. I have six boys, and my husband works away from home. Fellow moms see this and often ask me questions like, How do you keep your boys busy? What kind of work or activities can I give my boys? How do I raise my son to be a man when his dad works away from home all day?

A little about Dad…

Boys need their father. They need his guidance, his leadership, his example. Unfortunately, in modern times Dad is often away from home earning a living for his family. It has been a dream of ours to work together as a family, and we have done that in the past, but currently a family business is just not feasible for us, and that’s okay. As wives, we have to work with what our husbands provide. My first and biggest blessing as a mother of boys is that my man fathers his children wherever he is. He calls home two or three times a day to see what they’re working on, give them directions, or just ask questions. “What are the boys doing right now? Have they finished the project they started this morning?” John, my husband, has taught our boys to be capable and confident. He’s worked beside them, showing them how to do things until he knew he could trust their solo efforts. We’ve both taught them that they can do anything—and if they don’t know how, they can learn. My husband gives the boys jobs and projects, but day by day it’s up to me to keep them busy and engaged.

A little about why…

Why all the fuss about children being busy? Don’t children need time to play and be entertained and “be kids”? Children need structure and organization. We want them to be hardworking, responsible adults, right? They’ll never learn how unless they’re working and responsible now. It’s never too early or too late.

Boys, in particular, are our future men, the fathers, providers, and leaders of tomorrow.

Boys, in particular, are our future men, the fathers, providers, and leaders of tomorrow. I want my boys to “quit you like men” and get the job done. My husband told someone that the way he changes the oil in our vehicle is by first sitting down, usually with a cup of coffee, and then saying to one of our boys, “Change the oil.” The man marveled, “And you really trust his work?” Well, yes, because after doing it with our son the first few times, he let him do it himself and checked his work. Doing it himself and seeing his work meet with Dad’s approval builds confidence in our son. A while back, my car was shrilly squeaking whenever I turned a corner. My 12-year-old son said, “Mom, I can fix that,” and he named the part he believed was at fault, a something-or-other belt; I thought belts were for holding up pants. But my son was confident he could fix it—and he did. He fixed it even though he had until that day never repaired that part; he’d just watched Dad work on it before. Boys need that self-assured belief that they can do anything to grow into men of action and achievement—but they’ll never build that confidence if Mom and Dad never give them real responsibility. We have to give important jobs to our kids, and then we have to trust them and not worry about them messing up. It would certainly be easier for us to just do the hard stuff ourselves and let our boys play, but our goal isn’t to do what’s easy. It’s to raise men.

A little about entertainment…

Boys need that self-assured belief that they can do anything to grow into men of action and achievement—but they’ll never build that confidence if Mom and Dad never give them real responsibility.

My boys love to read. It is their favorite pastime, hands down. Most people would say that’s fantastic, and indeed it is a good thing. But as with anything we enjoy, it can get excessive. Whether entertainment takes the form of a book, a card game, a movie (even educational documentaries) or just playing, it’s all the same. It’s all entertainment. We all like to relax and be entertained from time to time, but everything has to have its place. I don’t want my boys to be idle, so I only allow reading or any other form of entertainment after dinner cleanup. (Obviously school time and Bible study are exceptions.) I want them to be using their minds and hands creatively during the daylight hours. My husband and I treat our boys as young men. We want them to be hardworking and confident. I believe the more productive we are, the better we feel, and so I structure my children’s day to be active and busy—and they love it.

Go, and Sneer No More

Debi Pearl — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 02:02:24 +0000

Over the last 40-plus years, we have watched couples fall in—and out—of love. In many cases, the ones we were certain would make it did not, and those we thought would surely end in divorce thrived in love. So what’s the secret? There are many dynamics in marriage that make it fail or flourish, but over the years there is one underlying element that has proven to be the deal maker or breaker. I don’t know if it is the cause or the symptom, but it is a certain marker…sitting in the seat of the scornful. A family full of scorn is a family headed for ruin, for scorn is the soul in decay. It is finding fault and deriding the failures of others while believing oneself to be somewhat better. The family piles into the family van to head home from church, and within seconds Mom speaks. “God help us, Mrs. Don’s makeup is so brazen it’s embarrassing.” The children register their mom’s remark while their minds take them back two minutes to when Mom stood by the van laughing and talking with Mrs. Don as if they were best friends. Mrs. Don has often entertained the children and done other nice things for their family, but… Dad interrupts, “That d@# preacher needs to learn to tell time. The deacons have warned him several times, but he doesn’t know when to shut up.” The kids see their mother’s instant disapproval for Daddy using the D-word. They know that mama reeeeally likes the preacher because she calls him every time Daddy does something bad. Something uglier than damn has taken hold of the children—it is called disrespect. And the disrespect in the children’s souls is not confined to the preacher or Mrs. Don; it is becoming a part of their worldview, and it will be directed toward the parents soon enough. Mom thinks her glance of condemnation will clear the air, but instead it further tears down the family. The next time she seeks the preacher’s advice, the children will sneer. Teenage sister is giggling with brother, “Did you see those geeky shoes Sara had on? Man, I would die before I would walk around looking like that. She is such a dork.” Sara is sister’s best friend, or at least she used to be. “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful” (Psalm 1:1). Note the digression from walking to standing to sitting. The practice of scorning quickly becomes a permanent post. As a general rule, the disease of scorning is most prominent in Christians who deem themselves most separate in doctrine and righteousness. Just as none are so obnoxious about diet as the health-food nuts, none are so obnoxious about lifestyle as fundamentalist Bible-believers and elitist homeschoolers who deem themselves above common practitioners. This is bad because being scornful has a huge negative impact throughout life. All that church-going homeschooling parents try to pour into their children will be cancelled out with this one bad habit of scorning. Children who grow up in a family where scorning is common will be molded into a worldview that will shape their choice of spouse, the way they relate in marriage, and the way they raise their children. A young girl who grows up hearing scorning will become a scorning wife. The first time her husband is a jerk—and he will be—she will resort to the lower instincts she has learned and scorn instead of pray and forgive. Her new husband will experience scorn instead of biblically mandated reverence. The equation reads like this: Her scorn = his lack of love. When they come for counsel, she will demand that he love her as Christ loved the church, and he will sheepishly tell us it is hard to love her, and we will know why. How can a man truly love a woman who treats him with disdain and disapproval? The recipe for a good marriage doesn’t include a pinch of scorn. But the husband may have come from a scorning family, so he will have scorned her family before they were married, which makes her feel justified in her contempt toward her husband. This equation reads like this: disrespect breeds disrespect, or scorn brings on deeper scorn. And like Thanksgiving turkey, it becomes a family tradition. One reason scorn, and thus divorce, has skyrocketed is the diminishing of community. People once lived and died around the same group of friends and family. People had to learn to treat their lifetime neighbors with some degree of respect. When you knew a girl might grow up and bear your grandkids, you learned to hold your ridicule if she appeared to be a little dumb. If you thought a boy could grow up and marry your daughter, you didn’t want him labeled too poorly. In that era, self-preservation depended upon the advancement of everyone within the circle. Everybody in the community was important to the community as a whole, and faults were better tolerated for the well-being of all. As a child, I knew of a family that had six daughters. The only thing I can remember about this highly intelligent, correctly religious, successful pastor’s family was the constant run of ridicule that prevailed in his household, usually directed toward a church member for being stupid, ugly, or messy. The pretty girls all married, divorced, remarried, and divorced again. Pastor Dad finally got involved in an affair, bringing his marriage to an end as well. Blessed is the family…that sitteth not in the seat of the scornful. Many of you reading this were raised around a table of scorn. You will most likely marry spouses from families that nit-picked their church members as they drove away from church each week. Or perhaps it was the previous church that they carefully dismembered. The infectious disease of mockery takes its toll. Usually the ridicule will not be harsh and is not meant to be cruel; it takes the form of offhanded remarks said in order to disparage the other. Perhaps the most damaging type of denigration for a child is when he thinks that his parents truly like and respect someone, and then as soon as they get in the car he hears the parents’ disdain for that person. Raining down dishonor on the teacher or preacher who is teaching the child the Bible will cause the child to lose his reverence for God and will surely lead to the child’s rejection of God. It doesn’t matter if the preacher deserves the reviling; is the venting worth the damage done in the heart of your child who heard you give your “spiritual” opinion? This two-faced diet breeds more of the same. Critical spirits don’t have just one home; they migrate and multiply like seed ticks. Wife against husband, husband against wife, and then children against parents; and when sin is conceived, it will keep your teenager from ever developing a healthy fear of God. Without fear of God there will be no wisdom. Fools—that’s what you will be raising. “How long, ye simple ones, will ye love simplicity? and the scorners delight in their scorning, and fools hate knowledge?” (Proverbs 1:22). So in the end, you might save your marriage if you happen to have married someone who doesn’t equal you in sneering, but unless someone else intervenes, your children will bear your sin and pass it on to your grandchildren. The moral of the story: Go, and sneer no more. ~ Debi

Grand Grandparents

Michael Pearl — Fri, 15 Jun 2012 15:05:02 +0000

Nineteen grandkids are sometimes exhausting—wonderfully exhausting. I go to work and do physical labor to get some rest. God gave kids to young adults because they can stand up to the rigors of raising a family. But we grandparents have our own special place. We may tire and have to take a nap or send them home early, but for a time we are able to devote 100% of our attention and energy toward the little ones. I will admit, when the grandkids are present I am useless for anything else. They make me run here and there and laugh until I am worn to a frazzle. I play music while they dance. I rig fishing poles, bait hooks, take fish off the line, and then clean them. We go for rides in the woods in my little buggy, read books, eat, go swimming, and I fall down exhausted while they turn to Mama Pearl for more excitement. She takes them to the garden or gets them involved doing house chores or taking care of the chickens—things like shelling and grinding corn or changing the water. Another benefit of being a grandparent is that we don’t have to see the kids at their worst—bored, hungry, tired. Nor do we bear the primary responsibility of training. They are pretty well-trained by the time they are big enough to hang out with us. But we do have a great responsibility that falls to us entirely. We should guard against spoiling what the parents are trying to instill in their children. Grandparents can be a great blessing or a curse to their grandchildren. So I am going to give you the three laws of grandparenting. 1.) Always communicate great respect for the child’s parents and deference toward their rules and manner of raising the kids. There is a tendency in grandparents to compete for the affections of the kids by denigrating their parents. It is a subtle thing that those who are doing it would deny. Satan denigrated God by asking Eve, “Yea, hath God said?” “Did your parents say that? Why would they say that?” The implication is that I, the grandparent, would never deny you something that would make you happy. Any attempt to embrace the children by loosing the embrace of the parents is an evil of great magnitude. It does not hurt the parents nearly as much as it does the children, for parents are God’s surrogate potentates, representatives of all law and justice. To diminish respect for parents is to diminish respect for authority. It makes rebels of the children while giving the grandparents a false and temporary sense of being special. 2.) Never say, “Now, don’t tell your parents.” It seems like an innocent bit of intrigue to develop a club-like atmosphere of “us and them”; it makes us appear to be a special group that maintains secrets from the rest of the world, especially overly-rigid parents who would deny pleasure to their children. But it is not innocent or harmless. It may be fun to the grandparents to form a secret club of junk-food eaters, TV watchers, or whatever with the children, but the expense to their character is too great. Secrets from authorities are lies, and rebellion breeds a worldview that says “live in pleasure regardless of what the authorities say, for they cannot be trusted to seek your best interest. And when the rules don’t suit you, just do as you please and keep it a secret from those in oversight.” As a child relates to his parents, so he relates to all authority, including God. If you loose a child from the moors of authority in order to tie them alongside your boat, the day will come when he will cut loose from all in the safe harbor and sail into a storm from which he will not return. 3.) Never second-guess the parents’ rules regarding food, dress, entertainment, etc. God gave the parents the responsibility of raising those kids. He gave you a rocking chair and lots of idle time. Don’t let your idle time become the devil’s workshop. Never allow the children to violate the rules parents have set down. If they say no TV, that is final. If they say no playing with the neighbor kids, stand by it. If they say no climbing in trees or no bicycle riding on the sidewalk, then it is the law of the Medes and Persians. When we allow a dispensation of lax law, we communicate the concept that law is arbitrary and capricious. We grandparents must be surrogate parents in the image of their own parents. I remember as we raised our children, we tried to deny or severely limit their intake of junk food like candy bars and Cokes. But they loved to go to Grandma’s house because she kept the junk just for them. For a while we constantly griped about it, but we soon learned that it was a hopeless battle, so we resigned ourselves to allowing them to indulge while there. That was less harmful than their being aware of our contention with the “sweet” grandparents. Now that I have assumed the role of grandparent, I understand what drove them. As soon as the smiling kids walk in the door, I want to delight them with a treat. It does purchase a lot of immediate good feelings. But our house never contains sweet pop or candy bars. If it did, I don’t see how I could resist lighting up their faces with a dose of toxins. Yes, we are better-informed than earlier generations, but the principle remains the same. Grandparents want to purchase praise and love. But the purchase must be within the rules the parents have set down. We grandparents are only grand when we act grandly. We can be a great blessing to our children—allowing them a little time off, a night alone, a short honeymoon once a year, a break during the day, or a place for the kids to stay while Mama is screaming, “It hurts too much; this is the last baby I am going to have.” So let’s perform our roles to the glory of God and the encouragement of the parents who alone bear the full responsibility for these children. Personal note: Most of my grandkids are better trained than were my children. It is a deep pleasure to see them all faring so well. It is like reaping the sweet fruit of many years of labor.

Pacification Parenting

Michael Pearl — Sun, 15 Apr 2012 17:00:38 +0000

Children begin life totally dependent upon someone else. Parents are gifted with a hormonal instinct to protect and nurture their young—a most compelling and satisfying drive. Nothing is required of the infant. We patiently tolerate crying, waking us in the night, throwing up all over us, and still we rush to meet their every need and desire. But, in about eighteen years, we will expect them to be totally autonomous souls fully responsible for themselves. That’s one crazy eighteen years, and who is sufficient for these things? Many kids are not ready to take responsibility when the time comes. Most are still not ready at thirty. Over half of the population never becomes productive members of society. They expect someone else to assume responsibility for their happiness—parents, government, labor union, spouse, or others. When life falls apart it is someone else’s fault. They make the perfect socialists in a welfare state that is presiding over its decline. How does this happen and what can we as parents do to guarantee that our sons and daughters grow up to be men and women with the dignity of responsibility and self sufficiency? Homeschooling is a good start, pretty much indispensable, but much more is required. There are many reasons why most kids grow up to be underachievers and over-demanders, but we are going to address the most destructive and universal. Parents fail to transition their dependent infants into self sufficiency. That transition should begin at about six months, when a child learns to feed himself, and it is a bell curve thereafter. Every day opens up new opportunities for the child to take responsibility for his life. By one year of age we expect him to wait and be patient. By the time he is two or three years old, he should begin taking responsibility for others in the household, performing family chores that serve the group, like picking up, washing dishes, cleaning, carrying in firewood, etc. His contribution won’t be much and will be harder on us than doing it ourselves, but it is indispensable to his training. A three-year-old should learn not to interrupt and to be respectful of the property of others, assisting adults in their chores. The six-year-old should be completely responsible to dress himself and clean his room, including changing sheets and vacuuming. By the time he is ten years old he should be doing the work of a man, and the ten-year-old girl should be able to replace her mother entirely, caring for her or others when they are sick. We are not talking slave labor; our experience is that of a happy, well adjusted child with a high sense of self worth as she plays her part as a contributing member of the social order. The Amish say, “Through about their third year children are dependent and require extra labor to maintain—a drain on the family. The four to seven-year-old pays his way, is not a drain but neither is he profitable. After seven the child is a profit to the family, yielding more than it costs to maintain him.” The more children there are in a family over seven years of age the more productive the family and the easier it is on the parents to make a living and maintain the home. That would be the experience of any farm family; it was the experience of our great grandparents. Family is a corporate endeavor, a place where children learn to accept responsibility and do their part for the group. The healthy family prepares children for the adult world into which they will eventually emerge, teaching them to become makers instead of takers, independent instead of dependent. They cannot become confident and powerful if they remain dependent on family, government, employers, or spouses for their happiness. Herein is the problem. It is twofold. First, the modern structure of the home does not lend itself to raising children to assume responsibility. Kids are not needed. How many families need their children to cut and split firewood? Who gathers eggs and feeds the horses and cows? How many are carrying and heating hot water for washing clothes or taking baths? How many must grind wheat and knead bread? There was a time when children learned responsibility from even the most ignorant and inept parent because the lifestyle placed demands upon them, a situation that no longer exists in 99.9 percent of our homes. Today, in our modern, automated, digital, industrialized world, children are treated like potted plants, watered and nourished, loved and displayed, but of no practical use. Second, and this is the subject at hand, parents are reluctant to make demands of their children that might cause discomfort. Today’s kid is overindulged and underengaged. Overindulged children are the product of pacification parenting. It is easier to appease and make happy than to instruct and constrain to responsible action. Today’s parents must make an effort to find areas of responsibility for the child, and then it has an artificial feel to it, leaving the child questioning, “Why should I have to do this?” When the child balks and is unhappy with doing his assigned duty, parents feel guilty or just find it easier to do it themselves. After all, the automated world in which we live does not provide a full day’s work for even one person in the family. And to complicate the situation ever further, many parents like the good feeling they get when serving their children. Overindulged children in their consumption are momentarily made happy and reward their benefactors with delightful smiles. Parents become addicted to pleasing because it feels so good. And to interrupt the little guy’s pleasure with demands is not going to feel good. Serving them beyond the time when they are capable of doing it themselves is a parent’s way of saying, “I love you; I wash your clothes; I pick up after you; I fix your meals and clean up while you play games because I love you. It makes you so happy when I do something for you, so I will be your servant and you will love me for it.” But there comes a time when the big kid is obnoxiously unthankful and expects love to come in the form of unconditional service. An undisciplined, overindulged child will grow up to expect society and family to make them happy with no painful contribution on their part. Their sense of entitlement grows with every unearned reward. Motel maids get more gratitude. The overindulged child is the undeveloped child and becomes the incompetent adult with poor social skills and a lousy self-image. Parents are the only hope children have. A daddy’s duty is to prepare his children to be overcomers in a world that is hostile to hope and holiness. It should be our goal to work ourselves out of a job as quickly as possible, to bring them to the place where they possess the wisdom and will to act autonomously. Happiness is found in producing for the benefit of others. Eating out of a common pot when you haven’t put in more than you take out lends itself to moral weakness and a poor self-image. No child wants to learn self discipline. Their human propensity is to avoid work and responsibility, so they must be organized and managed and, where necessary, constrained. Our children learn by observation and participation. It is daily habits that train up children and communicate worldviews. A child develops work habits by working regularly. It is the parents’ responsibility to organize and manage in ways that instill good habits. Accepting the sacrifices of duty and self control is a slow process done in increments, like learning to walk barefooted on sharp rocks. One’s feet must be toughed one step at a time. Many little pains of service and duty, tolerated in increments, produce tough individuals with moral earnestness and a willingness to suffer the pain of responsible action. You cannot overindulge a kid until he is eighteen and then suddenly endow him with duty. It will be shockingly painful on his tender, pampered soul. The overindulged, grown kid possesses a worldview that does not include painful self-denial. So don’t expect a child to choose the painful path of participation. List their duties on a spreadsheet if necessary and put it on the wall to be checked off when completed. Take your child by the hand and do the chores of life together. Make duty fun and full of fellowship. Children develop a sense of duty by being managed into consistently performing meaningful acts of service to the family unit—by being needed in tangible ways. Most parents think love is a magic bullet. It is the one indispensable foundation, but feelings or gestures of love will not provoke children to accept the pain of self denial. Being needed emotionally does not grow character; it breeds unhealthy dependence. But we all need to be needed in ways that make us know we are valued for what we do. We are not comforted by being loved unless we know we are making a contribution to those who love us. The loved child who doesn’t give back becomes narcissistic and either arrogantly self promoting or self loathing, possibly both. The work of love is found not in making the other person comfortable in their shortcomings, but rather in allowing them to become uncomfortable while addressing harmful habits. When you fail to constrain your child to right action, such as picking up after himself or cleaning his bathroom, but do it for him, you are not loving him; you are serving your own feelings by avoiding conflict that would make you uncomfortable. Few parents train their children to control impulses and gracefully accept delayed gratification; much less are children cultivated to discern good and evil and exercise self denial. Humanity is awesome and heavenly in its ability to act wisely, contrary to impulses and passions, choosing truth and righteousness over indulgence and intemperance. In contrast, humanity is vulgar and depraved in its propensity to follow the path of pleasure and indiscriminately indulge like an inbred dog with no master beyond appetite. The world is a battleground of good and evil, and let’s be honest, evil usually wins the day as good retreats to a lonely spot in hopes of survival. In conclusion, remember the words organize and manage. That is what you should do right now. Sit down and write out an organized plan to involve your children in meaningful responsible chores. Determine right now that you will not give in to your feelings of needing to serve, and that you will be tough when they whine and act like they are in pain when called upon to do their part. When you have created a general plan for the day, then determine to be the hawkish manager of your new enterprise. Above all, keep it light and fun. Never give in to whining, accusing, complaining, threatening, or anger. When you organize and manage there is never any need to be angry, for you are in control and no longer depend on intimidation to force them to choose rightly. You have organized and managed them into doing what they should. Remember, their feet will toughen one step at a time. Each step will be a little bit painful, but bearable. In time they will be toughened to the pain of duty and responsible actions, growing strong in self sufficiency and service to others.