No Greater Joy Ministries » Perspective

What Is Creativity and Is It Important?

Debi Pearl — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:05:50 +0000

Creativity begins with imagination, conceiving a thing that is not but should be, and then taking steps to make it a reality. It is facing a problem and envisioning an original way to solve it satisfactorily. Creativity can be born of practical necessity or artistic expression, but it is something original—not done before, or not done in the same way. Without creativity there would be no innovation, no progress, nothing new or different. Think of the tools and trades that never would have existed without creative thought. Man would remain in the Stone Age—no houses, cars, computers, planes, or even light. Disease would have no cure. There would be no music or storytelling. God is creative. We are the proof of that. Being in his image, it is our nature to create—to endlessly strive to come up with something that amazes and gratifies. Creativity is associated with happiness and success in life. Creative people are interesting people; the lack thereof makes one a wallflower. Just a few years ago, operational efficiency was the yardstick of market success; today it is all about anticipating consumer demands. This translates into the insight to conceive of a heretofore-unknown product that meets a need, or at least a new way to market an old product.

Is Creativity an Inborn Gift?

Why are some people creative and others not so much? I have often heard people say, “Oh, I just wasn’t born with the gift for creativity. I am better with numbers and facts.” This statement simply is not true. Researchers have found environment to be more important than heredity in influencing creativity, and a child’s creativity can be either strongly encouraged or discouraged by early experiences in life and in school—including homeschool.

Are Your Children Creative?

Ask a group of eight-year-olds if they are creative and 95% of them will say, “Yes.” Ask twelve-year-olds and only 50% will say, “Yes.” By the time students finish school, only 5% say they are creative. The fact is we are all born with creativity, but it is pulled, wrenched, strangled, pried, screamed, and bored out of us by the time we are adults. Creativity can’t be tested, so it has generally been abandoned. Yet now, by questioning large numbers of successful people, it has become apparent that creativity is the key to their success. Homeschooling began as a creative explosion that was pulling children from the ranks of sameness and giving them a vision of possibilities. Then came homeschool curriculum—same old, one-cover-fits-all books and tests. Then quietly, the homeschooler began to fall back into the line of uniformity. What a crying shame!

How Can We Unleash Creativity?

Every child is born to be an artist, a storyteller, an inventor, and an explorer. Expanding creativity in children takes place when we turn them loose and teach them to have grit, determination, perseverance, and belief in what they are doing. Adults have a tendency to want to see the end of a thing, but creativity comes in bits and pieces. A creative person rarely sees the whole, only the piece he is touching at any given moment. Creativity can’t be hurried. Anything rushed is just a stamped-out repeat, and is not part of creative genius. Many years ago when I was in school, my art teacher made a dumb mistake. She had a class of gifted artists. She came to class one day and gave each of us three pieces of colored paper and told us to create a picture using those papers. She wanted us to be creative, but the idea she had in her head was just that—in her head. The three-colored project was a boring, frustrating experiment for the whole class. If the teacher had been wise, she would have shown us two or three examples of how an advertising company used three colors, and in doing so would have unleashed a ton of creativity. The most powerful way to develop creativity in your children is by example—your example and the examples of what other people have done. There is real pleasure in creativity. In studies, children who are allowed to be creative associate joy with making something new. Sometimes all a child needs to get started on a project is a good question. Instead of making a suggestion, ask a question: “Does this blue remind you of sky, water, or a pretty dress?” You might notice a child staring at a pattern on the kitchen wallpaper, so you ask, “Do you see something? I think I see an alligator in that pattern.” Homeschooling mamas are almost always in a hurry. Hurry and creativity cannot sit in the same seat. Stationing a baby or toddler in a puddle of warm sunshine that is pouring through the window, where he can stack blocks, paper, and various objects, is a simple, soothing, creative afternoon activity. Letting children play in the dirt, making roads, bridges, lakes, and buildings is creating the next generation of builders and makers. Sitting them in front of electronic media, even educational media, is killing their genius and dumbing them down. Sitting them down with a stack of workbooks that bore them silly is creating silly. Consider this: Any project that they get involved in—whether it be music, painting, mud building, writing, storytelling, stacking, making tents, performing plays, making cameras, or whatever—that results in someone being able to say, “Wow, that is interesting. What are you going to do next?” is creativity.

Old School, New School

As children mature, creativity will begin to involve long-term projects. Songs that need hours of careful trial and error, poems, stories, articles, term papers, research, building projects, etc. can lead to frustration or despair without patience. Encouraging a budding mind to persevere is critical. An important lesson in life that will be reflected in all areas of maturity and godliness is learning that life is work, and that rewards for greatness only come with time and energy. You don’t immediately become an expert musician, artist, writer, or builder. Good things come to those who stick with it. This lesson could be called discipline: learning to harness your feelings and drives for the greater good of tomorrow. Schoolbooks are set up for short-term accomplishment. “Finish your pages and then you will be through,” I have heard said a hundred times. The end of today’s torment is near…yeah! This type of schooling does little to teach children the value of delaying gratification. School projects are a much better way of teaching, and they are certainly more conducive to developing good character. In today’s society, knowing how to research is a thousand times better than knowing facts. Information is now at our fingertips. We live in a different world than we did 25 years ago, yet homeschooling curriculums are developed in the old world of knowledge. Once, schools were the gatekeepers of knowledge and memorization was the key to success. We tested a child’s ability to regurgitate facts and formulas. That day is over. Yet even in the old-school program, children came home each evening to run and play, chase the wind, and build doghouses. There were hours of creativity that children don’t experience today due to electronics. I would that all children become tinkers and thinkers. If we are to remain a free, strong, and confident people, then this next generation needs to dream, create, work hard to make it happen, and then take the next risk.

Questions to Ask

Are you homeschooling your child in a way that cultivates creativity or that stifles it?
Is your household structured to encourage creativity?
Are you so regimented in finishing school books that you leave no place for developing creativity, leaving your children to face a dull life, not becoming accomplished in business?

Facts to Consider

From the perspective of CEOs, creativity is now the most-valued quality in a potential employee. In an IBM research study, about 60% of the CEOs polled cited creativity as the most important leadership quality.
In the world of business, studies prove there is a strong connection between trust, character, and creativity. Trust in a company, a family, and even in a government, unleashes creativity. The knowledge that we are all working to make a better life for everyone causes an individual to reach for greater ways to serve others. This environment of goodwill allows followers to take risk. Risk is associated with creativity. Where there is no scary risk, there is no creativity.
Creative individuals are naturally more unafraid of experimenting with new things. They think more about ideas and less about what people think of them, thus they are often less susceptible to peer pressure. Studies show creative people tend to be self-reliant and willing to go against conventional “wisdom.”

Creativity Killers

Don’t patronize children by offering rewards for their creative labor, for it will steal their pleasure.
Be careful not to make your child a nervous wreck by unconsciously setting up expectations of grandeur. Be practical in your expectations, and let his vision of what he can do grow with his abilities.
When your children are involved in creativity, don’t hover over them instructing them on how to improve their creations.
If your child is making something, don’t feel compelled to evaluate his project.
So you’re an adult and can show your child how to do it better—don’t. Let him have the joy of discovery. It is much more valuable than the outcome
Please don’t set up creative projects that suit your house-cleaning habits. Take the kids to the library and turn them loose on ideas. You might sit on the floor and look through “how-to” books with them. Let them come up with ideas they would like to try. You can coach but don’t poach.

Only One Life

Ben Sargent — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:01:39 +0000

Man, it’s quiet around here. Deafening actually. Mansquared, the baby of the family, left a week ago today for his first semester at a four-year college. He gained that moniker, Mansquared, from his big brother Firstborn because, well, he’s as strong as any two men multiplied. Firstborn’s a sizable fellow as well, just a tick under six-feet-five and an established military man. He finished his degree in political science and is now improving the world by making us all safer, having just completed his second deployment in a faraway land. Two mighty men, almost ten years apart, who have kept their virtue. Oh, and we also raised three virtuous daughters as well, who, thankfully, look like their mother. Our eldest daughter Punkin’ and her husband Mr. Perfect are busy raising two sons with a third grandbaby on the way. As singles they both served the Lord as missionaries, and did so again as a married couple. Our middle daughter Peaches is the family brainiac and an English fanatic (another trait she gained from her mother), who super-achieves in all she endeavors to accomplish, and who glorifies the Lord with her violin. And then there is Miss Gail. She is the family artist. Only God himself could give talent like she possesses from two parents who can’t draw a box if you spot them the first three sides. She can draw a picture that looks like a photograph, or a caricature of it, too, if she’s in the mood. All five children have honored the Lord in foreign missions as well as in the local assemblies where they have lived. And we couldn’t be more pleased. As my friend Donny has said many, many times, “We didn’t have ‘em to keep ‘em.” But man, it’s quiet around here. We sure didn’t have them to keep them. We just didn’t realize that 28 years was going to go by so quickly or that the quiet would be so incredibly loud. The boys aren’t playing their guitars, Peaches her violin, or Miss Gail the piano. Punkin isn’t directing traffic in the kitchen or challenging anyone to follow her on the next mission trip to…wherever. “The Lord will provide!” she would say, and sure enough, he would. No one is asking, “Daddy, what does it mean if your car…” There’s just quiet.

“The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:4

Too often this is where Mom and Dad look at one another and think to themselves, “Who on earth are you?” They raise kids until their tongues are hanging out from exhaustion and lose sight of each other. Even worse, they lose sight of their first ministry, which is to each other. 1 Corinthians 7:4 says, “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” Serving one another and caring for one another can easily be lost if raising the kids becomes the priority in the home. Worshipping God and honoring him should be the priority. When that is done, then Mom and Dad have the opportunity to rally together to bring up the children in the “…nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Eighty percent of leadership is our personal example. We wanted our children to know we loved one another and that we were still in love. There was that and, well, we wanted to stay in love. We wanted to be like that couple we saw when we were traveling. We were young with all of our stair-step children. The couple was not young, but they held hands. And they matched colors. They looked at each other with their age spots through their watery eyes with utter adoration. As we approached them with our little herd they stopped, looked up at us, and the old man said, “You’re so rich!” I said, “So are you, to still be in love.” The old lady proudly proclaimed, smiling, “We still work at it,” and I could see that was true. So we worked at it—worked hard at times, and at others just enjoyed the fruits of our efforts. Our first night alone I said, “Well, we did it. We raised a family.” She put her head on my shoulder and said, “Dad, that was fast.” It was indeed. And now as the deafening quiet has set in (at least we can finally hear each other!) we look at one another with hearts broken from joy that we had such a wonderful privilege, but with equal joy that we got there together, in love. - Ben Sargent (life-long friend of the Pearls)

Living Large

Karen Sargent — Fri, 14 Dec 2012 14:06:36 +0000

We all want the best for our children. We want them to be used by God to do great things, to be world-changers and make a difference in eternity. But these things don’t happen by accident; they are planned for, prayed for, and worked toward. You may be surprised to hear this, but children are born with an incredibly small worldview. Their entire universe exists inside their own skin: what do I want, what do I feel, what makes me happy. If we want our children to grow up to be something for God, we must expand their view of life, and it’s never too early to start. Just taking the children to church is not enough; if that’s all you do, you haven’t even gotten in the ballpark yet. “Church” in the twenty-first century is mostly a spectator sport, and God has enough spectators. What he wants are workers. How do we raise up workers who will make a difference for God? Three ways: we plan, we pray, and we implement.

Plan

Nothing big ever happens without a plan… “For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish” (Luke 14:28–30). …and the plan should be in place before the materials (the children) show up. Parents, have a vision of what you want your children to be when they are adults, and start heading toward that goal right now, even before they are born. Plan for the good times and the difficult times before they happen. Make your decisions now, when you can think clearly, before you are in the heat of the moment. Decide how you will handle this situation and that one. Will you let the children have sleep-overs? Who, if anyone, will be allowed to babysit? Will you homeschool or send them to public or private school? Will they take dance lessons or learn cooking and carpentry and first aid skills? Will you permit shyness or teach them to be outgoing and confident? Consider how all your decisions will shape who they become, thereby dictating what they are able to do in the Lord’s work.

Pray

It goes without saying that we must pray for our children, so why is it so hard to do consistently? Is it because we are too busy to spend ten minutes on our knees asking God to use our kids for his glory? Is it because we think he is too busy to listen? We’ve all heard the story about the guy who gets to heaven and God shows him all the storehouses of blessings he wanted to give, but the guy never asked. I wonder how many of our children will miss God’s best because we didn’t make prayer a priority. Pray now. Pray often. Pray without ceasing. Don’t wait until there is a catastrophe and then beg God to get you and your kids out of it. Pray preemptively.

Implement

So how do we bring about what we want in our children’s lives? How do we implement the plan? Just as we learn the scriptures line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little, our children will learn what it means to serve God the same way. You will never get your children to a particular place if you don’t go there yourself. When the shepherd wants his flock in a particular place, he doesn’t run after them, yelling about which way to turn or barking directions about how much farther it is. He gets out in front of the flock and LEADS them. “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me” (John 10:27). If you want your kids to be hard workers, be a hard worker. If you want the girls to be contented homemakers who serve their families, be a contented homemaker who serves her family. If you want them to be soul winners, be a soul winner, and take them along so they can see how it’s done and gain confidence that it is a normal part of everyday life. Show them how we hand out tracts and tell people about Jesus everywhere we go—the bank, the gas station, Lowe’s, Walmart. They will grow up thinking this is normal, and when your kids meet people who don’t witness all the time, those people will be the oddballs. When our five kids were little, we were part of a missions-minded fellowship. There was a constant stream of missionary families always coming through, and though we had five children in a 1200-square-foot house with one bathroom, we always had missionary families staying with us. Our kids got to meet the families who were bold enough to go, and hear firsthand the stories of God working on the mission field. It gave them a taste of what was possible and greatly expanded their worldview. They learned there were billions more people in the world than just the twelve kids in their Sunday school class. By the time they were teens, our kids had seen and heard enough; they were ready to go and do. One by one they committed themselves to a short-term work they felt God would bless, and dove in wholeheartedly. On an enlisted military salary, we couldn’t help them pay for their trips. It was up to them to figure out how to do that—and what great lessons in trusting God!

Send Them Out

Our oldest son spent a college spring break with a group of young men doing construction work for a mission in Mexico. We had no money to pay for his trip, but told him we would help him pray for God’s provision. Two months before they were to go, God gave Mike a small job that would pay the full price. Watching God provide became deliriously fun sport at our house. When our second child, Deb, was sixteen, she was ready to go. She found a group that organized summer-long mission trips for teens and signed up. Her first-choice trip to Siberia was canceled due to visa problems, so she had to choose another destination. Three weeks before she was to leave, she told us she believed God wanted her to go to Cuba. When her daddy balked at that idea, she countered with, “But you said I should go someplace where people might never hear the gospel if I don’t go tell them.” God has a funny way of turning the tables on us, doesn’t he? Our goal for our kids was that they should learn to trust God completely; now we were the ones doing all the trusting. For 30 days she and her team traveled around Cuba, eating nothing but rice and beans (and dog, the one time they got meat), having no access to clean water, contracting parasites, at times being sought by the authorities for their proselytizing—and we had no communication with her at all. Now that will bring a mom and dad to their knees. In subsequent years we sent children on mission trips to Poland, Switzerland, New Zealand, Australia, and Hong Kong, always letting them trust God to provide for their needs, and what an amazing education it was for them and for us. God does not give us children so we can hoard them for ourselves, keeping them for our own enjoyment. If your view of life is so small that you can’t see past your own four walls, start inviting life in. Expand your own worldview, and take your children with you. Get to know some missionaries, and find out how your family can help them. Don’t raise your kids up to keep them close; prepare them to go out and to carry the glorious gospel of Christ with them when they go.

It’s Time

Debi Pearl — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 02:07:04 +0000

In just a few years, the story on pages 315-318 of the Good & Evil book has been repeated in the lives of millions of people in over 40 different language groups. In America families are buying cases of Good and Evil books and sending them to prisons. Every day we get stacks of letters from prisoners rejoicing that they have been forgiven. Many of these men continue to give the gospel to those behind bars. Today in the Philippines, one such ex-prisoner goes to three schools each week giving the gospel message, showing a gospel film, and then giving out a handful of Good and Evil books. He unashamedly begs for more books, saying he could reach so many more teens if he only had more books available. We sent three church members over to visit him this fall, and they said the Muslim teenagers beg for the books because there is so little printed literature in their language. All three men felt we should make the sacrifice to have more Good and Evil books printed, since this man and his family are pouring out their lives in poor conditions to get the gospel out. “Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much” (Luke 7:47a). Other families are taking Good and Evil to Interstate underpasses in cities like Dallas where new refugees gather to visit each other. People who speak other languages are, for the first time, hearing the wonderful gospel right here in the USA. One such family that goes to these new refugees is reaching so many people, they are frustrated that they have to take precious time out to go to work every day. They wish they could spend all day—every day—giving out Good and Evil books and sharing other literature with these people groups. They are full-time missionaries while being just plain-old folks trying to make a living. Anyone looking for a missionary to support? I would recommend this family. You could offer to have the Good and Evil books printed to reach whatever language group they are working with. Eternal dividends guaranteed. Our ministry could never have gone beyond these hills of Tennessee without help. But God started a ball rolling almost 20 years ago by having Mike, an unknown nobody, write a simple child training book. With one advertisement, we became international authors. You KNOW that was God. Then a few years later we wrote a book on marriage that went viral, and suddenly we had money to use in missions. God reached down to the least of us and gave us a vision of reaching the entire world with his message of salvation. It was a huge task. It took seven years, and the devil fought us every step of the way. But now we are gaining momentum. Prisons are being transformed from bloody repositories of the worst of humanity to places where gospel songs ring from every cell. Entire people groups have the message. In once-closed nations, people who had never heard the name of Jesus are now sitting cross-legged at the doors of their huts, listening to Good and Evil being read while carefully studying the pictures. His name is being proclaimed and glorified. This vision of reaching the world with written missionaries can no longer be sustained by NGJ. It has grown too large. God gave us the command to “Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.” You can make this happen by giving to get a new language in print, by reprinting where there is a need, or by taking the gospel message yourself to someone who has never heard. It’s time to join the fight.

Seeing Through a Glass Darkly

Debi Pearl — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 02:05:56 +0000

Twenty-two years ago a wonderful, sweet, darling two-year-old boy, whom I loved, came down with a fever. Within 24 hours he was dead. During the days after his death, while the family grieved, I kept his baby brother. I remember staring at my sweet Rebekah and feeling a sense of relief that it was not she who was taken. “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” What I am about to say will be hard for many of you to understand, but as an older woman I feel compelled to speak. Death is not the worst enemy. When I was a young mother, this truth was simply beyond comprehension. To lose a child was my worst fear. I avoided long bridges because I was afraid I could not save all my children if the car plunged into the water. I carefully chose cars by the ease of opening the safety buckles and doors—just in case. I studied medications, familiarizing myself with potential problems and learning how to use alternative medicines. My natural instinct to protect my children, regardless of the cost, was in full operation. God gave me that instinct. Along the way, other children whom I knew died, and I continued to cling to my children, trying to guard their safety. Yet how frail my efforts would have been if death had come calling. When you are young and raising a family, death seems to be the ultimate loss. The grief is a pain you can only know first hand. When we are young, we see through a glass darkly. As we grow older, life is not as big as we thought it was when it was all before us. Life in this flesh is quite temporary. I am not so old yet. Life is still precious. Death is still the enemy. I continue to cling to life, not only my own, but to that of those I love. Yet, my clinging has changed. Somewhere over the passing years I realized death was not the worst enemy. Grief over death stopped being the worst grief. I can now see just a tiny bit clearer through the dark glass. Eternity is so eternal, so terribly final, so completely forever. Death is not final. By the grace of God, it is not without hope. There is something yet beyond. Temporarily saying goodbye, even to a child, is still temporary. There will be a glad tomorrow. At the parting of death it is our own loss we grieve, not the child’s, who has gone into the presence of God. But there is a loss into the darkness of eternity that is far more than the loss of temporary separation. The older you get, the more you see the real enemy; you learn to recognize the real grief. It is not a temporary parting that brings apprehension, but knowledge of certain and eternal judgment awaiting your child. The pain of that rebellious child seeking a life of destruction is a thousand times more grievous than losing a baby. That mother I spoke of earlier, the one who lost her baby, suffered another, far greater loss years later. She lost her second son to the devil. Looking back, she now admits it was her own selfish grief and bitterness. It stole her joy, leaving her without a smile to nurture her living son. I heard her say 14 years after the death of her son, “It would have been easier to have also lost this one to death as a baby than to see what has become of him now.” I remember when I carried my first child in my womb; I had waited for 3 years, and when I finally got pregnant I was the happiest person I had ever known. One day, as I practiced childbirth relaxation, God spoke to me. I believe He told me to give the child I was carrying to Him. I began to cry and beg God not to take the baby, all afternoon I wrestled with my own feelings and what I believed God wanted of me. Finally, in great grief I surrendered the child to God. As the days passed, I was totally thrilled and amazed that nothing happened. When the baby was born strong and healthy, I knew God had something bigger than what I had feared. Still, I saw through a glass darkly. Life and death were the only two “biggies” in my life. Thereafter, as each child was conceived, I eagerly gave it to God. Throughout their childhood I had instincts just like every other mother. I would protect my children at any cost. Instinct, although an overwhelming feeling, is just instinct. Even mother animals will die protecting their young. Oh, mother, if we as young mothers could just get a vision of something greater than instinct for our children, and begin to feel just as urgently for their souls, how different it would make us. Things that appear as tragedies are not so tragic. If as young mothers we could have eternity in our eyes. Older mothers, God-fearing mothers see more clearly. Whether it is age or spiritual maturity, I don’t know—maybe both—but it is not for their lives we fear; it for their souls. We are still stirred to pray for their safety and health, but our consuming prayer is that they overcome all the snares and diversions this evil world can offer. Where once a mother begged God's protection for her child, she now begs Divine intervention at any cost (including life or limb). No, death is not your greatest enemy. Death brings a temporary sadness, a time of great loneliness, but in Christ there is always hope. Your greatest enemies are those vying for your child's soul. People often ask me how I could ever let my daughter Rebekah go to the mountains of Papua New Guinea. What they don't understand is that I let Rebekah go years before when she was still in my womb. Yes, I have fears, but there is great hope. There is great joy. There is wonderful peace in knowing this is only temporary. I shall see her in a few months, or maybe in a few years, but most assuredly I will be with her again. There is no grief, there is no pain, there is only a glad tomorrow. Yes, I cry when she leaves, and I wander from room to room for a few weeks. When there is word she will return I clean and clean, and buy her clothes and talk and cry some more. But, mother, what would it be like if she were to disappear from home, leaving in anger and rebellion? If I knew she left with a man I didn't like or respect. Weeks pass and there is no word, there is no hope. Grief? That is real grief. You think because they are grown you cease to feel? Death is such a simple thing compared to this grief. You lose a child to death, and everyone understands your sorrow and shares your pain. But lose a child to Satan's grip and you are an island alone, buffeted on every side with such turmoil, such pain, sleepless nights, exhausted prayer, and hopelessness. Grief? Only the older mother understands eternal grief. Only the older mother can look in the face of a young mother and say, train your children to obey, raise them to love God, be real in the home, so much depends on it. When you are a young mother raising a family, it is so easy to care about your own feelings, your own hurts, your little fuss with your husband. Oh, but Mother, there is coming a day when your own feelings, hurts, and fusses will seem so immaterial, so silly. It is that atmosphere emanating from your relationship to your husband, your attitude and responses that help decide your baby's future in eternity. It is not your child training techniques; it is who you are today. It is how you respond to life's ups and downs and to life's grief and joy. It is how you honor your husband, thus how you honor God. We go through life so protective of our children’s bodies. Let us as mothers early look to the protection of their souls. The enemy is not death. The enemy is not outside, lurking to get in; the enemy is a mother’s heart dedicated to a mother’s feelings. It is our own selfishness, our own anger, our own bitterness, and our own disappointments. The enemy is Mother, doing what is right in her own eyes instead of obeying God. God, grant us the wisdom to get beyond instinct to the wisdom of true love. God, grant us hearts to see, to feel, and to live with eternity in our eyes. “The aged women likewise, that…they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children” (Titus 2:3-4).

Yes Daddies and Amen Mamas

Michael Pearl — Thu, 15 Mar 2012 17:00:54 +0000

In the March-April print issue of NGJ magazine, you read the article “Be a Door Opener Not a Door Shutter.” This is a follow-up, also taken from a book in progress, Traditional Child Training.

You cannot be the No Daddy; you must be the Go Daddy. Don’t just fence him off from evil influences; open the door to a world that is more exciting and promising than anything the world has to offer.

Recently a father drove his truck up alongside of me while I was grading the driveway and asked if I had a few minutes to talk. I pulled the tractor over to the side of the lane, and he parked his truck beside me. I sat in the tractor seat and he leaned against the grill of the truck as he began to express his concerns. This is country pastoral counseling at its finest. This father has two grown girls, now married and having children of their own. They are his beautiful fruit, but his garden is not fully harvested. He has children not yet in their teens. He started out by saying, “I have done well raising girls; it was easy. But I am uncertain about how to relate to a boy who will be going through puberty pretty soon.” I could understand his consternation. Raising girls and raising boys are as different as raising fainting rabbits and wolf pups. Girls can become a problem if they are not made to feel loved and secure and protected from the world, but, with rare exception, boys are going to be a problem no matter what—to various degrees. His son is only about seven years old, so now is the time to make course corrections. It could be too late by the time he turns thirteen and turns on to his maleness.

Young life is a constant process of discovery. The world is filled with wonder. Take your son (and your daughters) into the thrill of learning and doing.

The father asked, “What can I do now to make sure I have his heart?” He understood the issue. There is no way to impart to a child the wisdom and skills he will need to cope with the world when the lights start flashing and the world’s door swings open to him. He will need continual guidance until he becomes a man. If a father doesn’t have his son’s heart, the boy will pass it around until someone or something locks it up in a dirty place. Father will stand outside weeping, wondering where he went wrong, wishing he had made a course correction when his son was seven years old. So at this critical moment in this father’s life, I needed to give him a simple answer that would point him in the right direction. I answered, “To keep his heart you must be a door opener and not a door shutter. You must be his most vital source of all things interesting and exciting. He must value a relationship with you because he sees you as an open door to all the good things life has to offer.” He asked, “How do I protect him from worldliness?” Your son may interpret your protection as shutting doors. It is a negative response. You cannot be the No Daddy; you must be the Go Daddy. Don’t just fence him off from evil influences; open the door to a world that is more exciting and promising than anything the world has to offer. If you give your son a life of promise you need not be concerned that someone peddling a lesser product will steal his heart. Young life is a constant process of discovery. The world is filled with wonder. Take your son (and your daughters) into the thrill of learning and doing. Kids love to be good at something—anything. They feel good about themselves when they are succeeding, when they are winning, mastering, developing skills, and conquering. A happy child will climb to the top of any dirt pile and think himself the better for it. A group of kids will play “king on the mountain” seeing who can stay on top and push everyone else off. If you are the parent always saying, “Don’t get your clothes dirty…play nice…get down from there you might get hurt…” you will be the door shutter and they will not enjoy your presence. But if you laugh yourself silly over their antics and brag on the way your little man tumbled from the top of the dirt pile with minimal scrapes and bruises, encouraging him to try again, he will always want his number-one fan around.

You must be his most vital source of all things interesting and exciting. He must value a relationship with you because he sees you as an open door to all the good things life has to offer.

If they are taking piano or violin, they will expect you to arrange for company to sit down while they perform. They want the applause. If there is no applause in your home, you are in danger of losing the hearts of your children. When my two youngest daughters, Shalom and Shoshanna, were about nine and eleven years old they decided to investigate an idea we had entertained for several years. We live in Middle Tennessee in an area of limestone ridges. Our 12-acre bottomland pasture is bordered by a ridge about 100 feet tall. During the cold winters, we observed that the area around a gopher hole would be covered with ice crystals. I had often commented that it indicated a deep hole, perhaps a cave. So on a fine summer day the girls decided to take shovel and pick and discover their very own—never before seen by human eyes—cave. After about four hours of digging nearly straight down, they encountered solid limestone rock, but the gopher hole continued through a large crack. I went out to check on their progress and was amazed that they had moved about two yards of dirt. They had made a hole three feet by three feet wide and six feet deep—big enough to bury three cows. They were about ready to give up, so I showed excitement over their progress and stayed to help them by hauling the dirt out of the hole with a bucket. The next day I stopped to check on their progress several times and found them tunneling under the big rock. They got so deep it became difficult to remove the dirt, so they gave up. About a week later I had a backhoe on the property for another purpose and directed the operator to dig out the dirt that blocked their progress. He cleared the way about ten feet deep, moving some big rocks the size of small cars that had slid off the ridge during Noah’s flood. They now had direct, horizontal access to the gopher hole under the rock and continued digging. But as they dug further back under the rock they had to go deeper as well. After about a week of further excavation, gaining about fifteen feet with shovel and pick, they discovered a stalactite hanging from the rock above. They were thrilled and I was too. Now they were digging straight back in a narrow, well weathered corridor that showed signs of long exposure to running water. They were having trouble in the confined space, so I made some short-handled tools and a sliding pan on which to place the dirt they dug. Taking turns, they crawled into the narrow hole and filled the pan with dirt. I would drag it out and empty it, and they would pull it back in with a second rope tied to it. They were now about 20 feet deep into the rock and discovered a stalactite and stalagmite blocking their path—proof of a cave of some sort. We were over-the-top excited, but we conspired to keep it a secret because the boys had been making fun of the girls—and of me for helping them. They would say things like, “The only cave is the one the girls are digging.” It was hard to keep from telling them, but the mystery made it all the more adventuresome. We hated to do it, but we broke the stalactite so progress could continue. They eventually moved enough dirt to allow both of them into the tunnel at the same time. By then I was dedicating several hours a day to helping them because I was confident there was a cave concealed behind all that dirt.

Become your child’s partner in wonder and you will not be left wondering why they departed.

Then one afternoon both girls were deep in the tunnel, flashlights visible, the sound of shovel and pick, and I heard one of the girls excitedly exclaim, “The dirt is falling the other way!” I screamed, “Be careful!” And then their lights disappeared and their excited voices were muffled. I admit, I about panicked. I thought they might have fallen in a hole. After about a minute a light reappeared in the dark tunnel and I could see Shalom’s face about 25 feet away. She was beside herself with joy. “It is a big cave full of stalagmites and stalactites, and what looks like a frozen waterfall!” As the two girls came scurrying out of the cave, their faces shined with a joy and exhilaration that I will never forget. I calmed them down and we discussed how to break the news to the world. The two boys and their mocking friends were our primary targets. How to make the most out of it was our concern. So we waited until dinner time, when everyone was sitting around the table and one of the boys condescendingly asked, “So, how’s the cave digging going? You guys get to China yet?” One of the girls, continuing to eat, answered without looking up, “No, we are now exploring deeper; we think it is a about a mile deep but stalactites are blocking our path. We are searching for a way around them now.” The boys laughed like it was a good joke designed to cover up their failure, but the other girl offered additional comment, and I coolly agreed with their assessment. We had them. The boys were suspended between belief and doubt. We milked it for all we could get, causing them to commit to their unbelief while we matter-of-factly, like it was a routine discovery, one we never doubted, continued to give the details. Like Peter and John running to the tomb to confirm their unbelief, the boys ran down the lane to prove the girls wrong, and the girls and I ran right behind them, carrying the flashlights and lanterns. The boys hastily crawled down the long confining entrance to emerge into a beautiful world of ivory-colored formations branching out in six or eight directions, winding and twisting, sometimes rising above and then dipping down to the former level. It was labyrinth of delightful discovery. How sweet it was! Now the girls burst into exciting recounts of all their experiences. It was their cave. They guarded it, making sure no one broke any of the formations; nothing could be removed. It was the first time human eyes had ever beheld these wonders of God’s creation. Now, as I reflect back on this event in our family, I realize that I was not following some principle of child training. I was their door opener, their partner in discovery, the instigator of a journey into wonder, but it was part of my soul to want to delight my daughters, to stimulate them in an adventure. I enjoyed their pleasure better than any pleasure I could instigate for myself. Now, it is unlikely that any of you will ever have the opportunity to discover a cave. I know that was a unique experience. But understand, there were a thousand other common experiences that produced that same camaraderie of discovery, that walk in wonderland, resulting in a bond between parent and child. Taking time out to build a swing, to set up a swimming pool, to teach them to dive or turn a flip, to laugh at their antics and brag on their accomplishments—all these things make you a door opener in the child’s life. Become your child’s partner in wonder and you will not be left wondering why he departed.

Knittin’ Nate

Debi Pearl — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 21:07:38 +0000

Dad, a Visionary who thinks he is a Command Man, came in from work and passed his son without speaking. He is known for his remarkable self-control—sometimes resembling an explosion that happens inside an unexpandable enclosure. Passing into another room, he stiffly leaned over and whispered into his wife’s ear, every word stiltedly punctuated in a monotone voice that had been carefully stripped of any emotion, “Do you know what my son is doing?” Mom answered without bothering to look up, “Sure. He is knitting himself a neck scarf.” “My son? Knitting?” he uttered, still only inches from her ear. “But he is MY son, and he is knitting. Who taught my son to knit?” the word “knit” spit out like unwelcomed foreign matter bitter to the palate. That event occurred about 20 years ago, though Knitting Nate’s mama just got around to telling us the story last week when she was visiting our home. Considering how the knitter turned out, we had a grand old laugh at the telling. It’s funny NOW. It wasn’t so funny to Dominant Dad when first-born son Nate was seven years old; it was confusing. Knitting Nate’s dad is a man’s man and he does not knit—never knitted; the only person in his family up until that point who ever knitted was Grandma, and she died early. It was painfully difficult for old tough-guy Dad to understand how his SON could be interested in something as “girl-like” as knitting. Like I said, it’s a funny story now because Knitting Nate today is nearly a foot taller than his dad, standing close to six and a half feet tall, and has a man-size job that Dad is extremely proud of. He is working in highly classified military intelligence. For that reason we changed his name. Today he is the kind of son that makes Mama smile and Dad breathe a deep sigh of satisfaction. Boys are different. Grown-up Knitting Nate is a 100% Steady Man (see Created to NEED a Help Meet). He is Priestly in his relationships with others, helpful, kind, considerate, and dependable. He was a Priestly little boy, but his Visionary dad, who is very prophet-like in his relationships with people, found it difficult to understand exactly what made Nate tick. I can only guess what Mike would have done if he had observed one of his sons knitting, not that we didn’t have to make a few mental adjustments ourselves when raising our sons. Gabriel came into this world born to dominate. Mike related to him from the beginning. As a young boy, Gabe drove me nuts bossing me around. As a young, servant-type mother I had to finally stand up to him and tell him who was boss. After that, he was protective and gentle toward me. Now that Gabe is grown I would think he is at least 60% Command Man and 35% Steady, with just a tiny bit of Visionary. Unlike those of you who have read our books Created to Be His Help Meet and Created to NEED a Help Meet, I didn’t have the opportunity to understand why my son bossed me around. I also didn’t have a clue why my husband didn’t see it as a problem. Nathan, our second-born son, was very different from Gabe. He came into the world, literally, with a smile on his face. In his youth he liked to go hunting and fishing with his dad, but only so he could be in the woods; he didn’t want to harm the animals. Often, when Mike came back from hunting with his two sons, he would scratch his head as he whispered, “Nathan said he didn’t like to hurt the animals so he didn’t want to shoot.” I guess he whispered because the telling was so odd that saying it out loud would have been offensive. A disinterest in hunting and fishing was not the only thing different about our Nathan. When Nathan was about four years old, Mike and I would often look out our windows to the play area and see our tiny little guy with his hands lifted up to the sky, walking while loudly praying with tears streaming down his cheeks. To say we were bumfuzzled is an understatement. We thought he would grow up to be a real-live, modern-day prophet, or, weird as it seemed, a Pentecostal preacher. While we watched his strange behavior, we hoped that was all that would come of it. As I said, at that time we had not come to an understanding of how God created man in his own image and that image included all three sides of God’s nature, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Even at such a ripe young age—or maybe due to his young age—his Prophet/Priestly image shone especially bright. Nathan still loves prayer. He is very Priestly, wanting to help and heal those in need, but the little-boy Prophet is now a man Prophet. And he is so amazingly normal. Being old has its perks. There is peace in seeing the end results, at least when the results are good. I have lived through those times when I didn’t have a clue what to do or how to do it. I didn’t understand the whys and wherefores of my sons. Now I know that there wasn’t much to fear after all. As parents, we just needed to honor God, love each other, and enjoy our children the way they were. Then we could watch God give the increase. My boys are now quickly approaching middle age, and both are strong, well-balanced men, good daddies, and loving husbands. I could have enjoyed the moments more if I had had the understanding of the three kinds of images manifested in boys and men. It would have taken the confusion out of the moments in life when our sons were different from what we supposed was normal. Our daughters, although all three are strong personalities, are not so pronounced or confusing. Our oldest is dignified, reserved, and creative. The next daughter was born serving and caring for others—and still does. Our last daughter is a wild hare, scheming, creative, and full of new ideas. It is good that she was born last in that she has kept us entertained and holding our breath. This past week we were cleaning out an office that once was her bedroom, and we laughed as we studied the walls. They are still the bright, mint green she painted. They are covered with other bright colors and painted flowers and designs. Clearly, she leaves her mark. But with all her expression, her personality is not so pronounced as are the boys’. Many people have written in, concerned about a young son’s shyness or bossiness or wild ideas. I read their letters and laugh and wish I had time to write to give them the answers we have learned. As my friend Karen (Knitting Nate’s mama) and I talked about our sons, each telling funny stories, we came to a solid conclusion: there should be a book for moms and dads on how to raise the three kinds of sons. That is easier said than done. I need your help. I need you moms and dads to send me stories of your sons. I need young parents to ask questions that I can post and have older parents tell us how they helped their young Steady boy grow bolder, or how their crazy Visionary son learned to harness his imagination and keep his feet on solid ground. I need to hear from those of you who have learned to channel the energies of your bossy, Command son. If you want a book, then help us write it. Mike and I will learn from you and do our part. Share this article on your Facebook page so your friends can jump in and help. With a thousand examples and as many questions, we can sift the information and provide this next generation with some real answers. So when your husband comes with an outraged face asking, “Do you know what MY son, my SON is doing?” you can smile and say, ”Yep, he’s knitting, and someday he will be protecting this nation. Here, read all about it.”

NEW BOOK!

Help Us Help You! We are going to write a book on the three types of boys—Command, Steady, and Visionary, but we need your help. We need illustrations and questions. We are waiting on you to send in your stories. If you do not want your name used, please put that in your story or change the names to protect the “guilty”. If you are OK with seeing your son’s name in 500,000 books in 15 languages then include it. We are waiting on you. Write to us at BoysBook@nogreaterjoy.org

Don’t Give Up on the Prodigal

Michael Pearl — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 20:21:48 +0000

The promise is clear: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” And the promise is certain. But I know many of you have older children who have departed from the way you intended them to go. You have questioned, “Is the promise really true, or is it like divine healing—rare and only available to those who have great faith?” Or you may question yourself, “Where did I go wrong? I took them to church and provided a godly example, but an evil outside influence slithered in and stole away my child’s virtue and integrity. How could I have foreseen the threat and stopped it?” Then again, you may be of the sad number whose child descended into a state of rebellion and turned on you, accusing you of hypocrisy, and screaming, “If you are a Christian, I don’t want to be one.” This is not going to be another article where I rebuke you for your hypocrisy. I have done that enough, and it is too late to undo the damage done to the wayward prodigal. But I do want to encourage you to not quit; don’t give up on the errant one. Sometimes getting out from under parents’ roof is the path to repentance. It doesn’t take long for 20-year-olds to discover that the world is full of hypocrisy and darkness—worse than what they found at home. “As if a man did flee from a lion, and a bear met him; or went into the house, and leaned his hand on the wall, and a serpent bit him” (Amos 5:19). There were good times at home, and in times of loneliness and need he will remember them. Just like you, he will have doubts about himself and wonder if he made the right choice. He will mature and learn that humanity is indeed frail and that “every man at his best state is altogether vanity” (Psalm 39:5). Life will force him to discover his own weaknesses and hypocrisy. He will fail to live up to his purist’s values and judge himself to be no better than you. If he did indeed have a time in his youth when he respected his parents and honored their God, a time when life was sweet and carefree, he will look back with fondness and decry his loss. In his pain he will go back in his memory and wish for those days again. In his mind, the good memories will conflict with his more recent memories of your constant criticism and dissatisfaction. The lack of fulfillment he experienced in the home after he got to be a “problem child” will overshadow everything for a while, but when he “begins to be in want” (Luke 15:14) and seeks help from his friends, and they send him “into the field to feed swine,” and no one loves him like Mama did when he was young, he will come to himself, swallow his pride, and come home—not to stay, but to be loved and appreciated, to be with people who care. Now you will play a part in his recovery. First I am going to tell you how to guarantee that he not only keeps feeding the swine but eats with them and eventually lies down to stay with them. It is the easiest thing you could ever do. It is all about attitude. Just make sure that in any contact you have with him, let him know how wrong he is and indicate you think he is shiftless and worthless. Or better still, point out how he has embarrassed the family and let him see that you are ashamed of him. It will help if when he comes to visit, his hair is purple and orange and he has lots of piercings and tattoos. Look thoroughly disgusted and offended. If he brings a girlfriend home, one that looks like she is a nine-time reject, be sure to treat her with disdain and contempt. Ignoring her will really make him hot. That first visit home will be his attempt to prove to himself and his girlfriend that his parents are not worth the time. Deep inside there is a desire to be loved and accepted by his family, but his pride motivates him to throw his sin in your face as a test of that love. It will be easy to get rid of him once for all. Just be what you were before he left. You say you have changed? I can offer you indicators of how you will in fact respond when he shows up. If you have been humbled by your loss of a child to the world, and you accept the blame and you no longer have critical feelings toward him but rather a heart that is broken and longing to be restored, you will indeed motivate him to repent and reunite with the family. But if there is bitterness in your heart and the feeling that he has hurt you and the family, you will drive the wedge much deeper and send him back to the swine to feed. If you, like Jesus looking over wayward Jerusalem, weep for your lost child, your tears can wash away his pride and rebellion, but if you, like Satan, are an accuser of the brethren, you will dump a pile on him that will keep him underground until you are old and grey and he drops by unexpectedly to see Mama one last time before she dies. There is hope, but that hope must be in your heart if it is going to become a reality. If you daily pray for your prodigal you cannot daily despise him. You may get just one chance to turn him around, and he will see that opportunity in your eyes and hear it in your tone. Get your heart right today and your words will be right the next time you face your prodigal. “…for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things” (Matthew 12:34–35). When you pray your heart treasures up good things. You will need a heart full of good thoughts when the prodigal comes down the dusty road dragging his baggage. “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things” (Philippians 4:8). Remember the prodigal’s father in Luke 15; he was looking for his son and saw him when he was yet a great way off. Running down the road to receive him with open arms, he commanded the servants to bring the best robe and shoes and a ring for the finger of his returning son. The father killed the special fatted calf and invited all the neighbors to a coming home party where they would share his joy at the returned prodigal. Go, and do thou likewise.

The Hearts of the Fathers

Michael Pearl — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 19:52:06 +0000

“Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse” (Malachi 4:5–6).

The last verse in the Old Testament is a promise and a warning. It is the promise of a man who will come to prepare the nation of Israel for the coming of Messiah. It is a warning that if his ministry is not successful, God must smite the earth with a curse. This is so serious a situation that it leaves the whole earth in danger of judgment. Fathers are the focus of this ministry. In anticipation of the coming Messiah and to prevent judgment, the greatest need of the nation of Israel was for fathers to properly relate to their children. This was so important that it must be accomplished before the ministry of Christ could be effective. In the first chapter of the gospel of Luke, the very beginning of the New Testament, the author reminds us of that last promise given over 400 years earlier. “And many of the children of Israel shall he turn to the Lord their God. And he shall go before him in the spirit and power of Elias, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just; to make ready a people prepared for the Lord” (Luke 1:16–17). Luke, moved by the Spirit, adds a note of interpretation to Malachi’s promise. He quotes the first phrase word-forword, but the second phrase, “turn the hearts of the children to the fathers,” he interprets as “turn…the disobedient to the wisdom of the just.” He causes us to understand that the children were disobedient and the fathers should deal with them by becoming wise and just. It was the one crucial condition to prepare the nation to receive Messiah. It is therefore fair to say that at that time the world’s greatest need was for fathers to become wise and just, thus winning the hearts of their children. The prominence of this theme in Scripture and the acuteness of the situation demands that we regard this with utmost seriousness. Most Bible believers are confident that we are once again at a point just prior to Messiah’s coming. The Great Tribulation which precedes the Second Coming is rightly understood to be the very curse about which Malachi spoke. This curse is not just an arbitrary event that will occur because it was prophesied to occur. There is a reason why God is provoked to curse the earth, causing great suffering on all its creatures. Malachi called it the “great and dreadful day of the LORD.” In another place it is called “the day of his great wrath.” In Matthew 24, Jesus called it the “great tribulation.” It is a day when God’s anger is turned loose on sinful mankind. What great sin would provoke God to such drastic measures? We will find God’s perspective quite different from ours. We have a way of standing inside the church, looking out at the spectacular sins, knowing that the judgment of God must fall on THEM at any moment. But “judgment must begin at the house of God.” It was John who had the ministry of turning the fathers’ hearts, so his message will reveal the fathers’ needs. The sin was summed up as lack of justice. Children will turn their hearts to their fathers when fathers are wise and just. What does he mean by “the just”? He is not speaking of being justified; there was no such condition in John’s day. “Just” describes the relationship fathers sustain to the world in which they live. The fathers were to be just, act just, express justice in their daily dealings. This could only be done through wisdom. The pseudo-political justice of our modern socialistic system is no substitute for Biblical justice. Biblical justice is horizontal: the way one acts toward his fellow man, towards his wife, his children, his neighbors, etc. This is nothing new. It is in fact the theme of the law. “He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?” (Micah 6:8). Professions and beliefs have nothing to do with justness. Justice is what you DO in regard to others, not what you claim to believe. Most people have never ever considered the relationship between child training and one’s duty to his fellow man, but they are inseparable. Children are not trained by words and spoken principles; they are trained by example and principles lived out in daily life. You don’t teach a child to be a giver during home devotionals; you teach him to give as he watches you give. You don’t teach patience by demanding that he wait; you teach patience by him seeing you wait. Honesty, kindness, mercy, love, purity—all virtues—are communicated by example only. Wise fathers are just, and just fathers are a joy to their children. The heart of a child is won by a father living justly. John characterized the mentality of the men of his day:

Matthew 11:14–19 14 And if ye will receive it, this is Elias, which was for to come. 15 He that hath ears to hear, let him hear. 16 But whereunto shall I liken this generation? It is like unto children sitting in the markets, and calling unto their fellows, 17 And saying, We have piped unto you, and ye have not danced; we have mourned unto you, and ye have not lamented. 18 For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, He hath a devil. 19 The Son of man came eating and drinking, and they say, Behold a man gluttonous, and a winebibber, a friend of publicans and sinners. But wisdom is justified of her children.”

John was calling that nation of fathers to repentance, but they shielded themselves from his message by denigrating the messenger. They expected to set the tone for the messenger and the message. If they “mourned,” the messenger was to mourn; if they played music, the messenger was to dance. A man who stays in control never repents. They wanted the prophets to be subject to their viewpoints. John called on the fathers to repent and become men of wisdom. But rather than preparing themselves to win the hearts of their children, the fathers were acting like children. Instead of repenting they faulted the messenger. The first messenger, the serious ascetic John, would not dance to their tune; he was not part of their tradition. He didn’t laugh at their humor, and to him life was as serious as death. The second messenger, the joyful Christ, would not mourn with them over concerns for their lost status as a nation. He did not use his powers to free them from Rome. Their religious spirit of decrying their poor condition did not take away his joy. He refused to join them in their pretended grief for the poor moral conditions of their time. They enjoyed taking note of how terrible was the moral state, how hopeless the times. If they had lived in our time they would have circulated literature showing the terrible statistics on abortion, teenage pregnancy, the encroachment of liberalism, the rapid loss of religious freedoms, the certain nearness of the Tribulation. They would have talked about how deplorable was the moral plight of our teenagers and how shameful the conduct of our President. They would have been the first to condemn immoral and unethical behavior. And there they were content to abide. Somehow, in their minds, to take note of sin and speak out against it placed them beyond reproof. It reminds me of Jonah. He assured the wicked Ninevites of their coming destruction and then settled down to comfortably await their damnation from the Almighty. Instead, God continued his work in Jonah’s heart. The work today doesn’t need to be done in Nineveh, it needs to be done on the hill, above all the sin, under the vine where the “righteous” conduct homeschooling and hold church in anticipation of being outside the cone of destruction when the eminent judgment does fall. To Jonah, judgment on Nineveh would have been a kind of vindication for his attitude. Like the devout of our day, his heart was sicker than the sinners of Nineveh (Matthew 12:41). John’s message reveals exactly what he meant by justice.

Luke 3:8–14 8 Bring forth therefore fruits worthy of repentance, and begin not to say within yourselves, We have Abraham to our father: [Gen. 18:18] [Trusting in their religious identity] for I say unto you, That God is able of these stones to raise up children unto Abraham. 9 And now also the axe is laid unto the root of the trees: [Ps. 1:3] [The trees represent men, fathers.] every tree therefore which bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. 10 And the people asked him, saying, What shall we do then? 11 He answereth and saith unto them, He that hath two coats, let him impart to him that hath none; and he that hath meat, let him do likewise. [Benevolence and generosity] 12 Then came also publicans to be baptized, and said unto him, Master, what shall we do? 13 And he said unto them, Exact no more than that which is appointed you. [Honest in business.] 14 And the soldiers likewise demanded of him, saying, And what shall we do? And he said unto them, Do violence to no man, [Peaceable] neither accuse any falsely; [Do not bear false witness] and be content with your wages. [Not greedy of money]

The first thing we see in John’s message is his frontal assault on their defenses. He demanded that they bring forth fruit to match their claim to repentance. They had insulated themselves from his message by a boast of having Abraham as their father. How common it is for fathers to avoid actually obeying by falling back on their profession or religious lineage. Fruits worthy of repentance:

Not trusting in religious identity (“Abraham as our father”).
Benevolent and generous—supplying food and clothing to those in need.
Honest in business.

Honest in business—they were not to deal under the table, not take bribes, not cut a deal on the side, not grease the palms. Peaceable—they were not to act in violence and that would include the attitude that accompanies violence or oppression. Not bear false witness—not accuse anyone falsely. Not greedy of possessions—content with your wages. The key word here is the word content. A man who is not economically content has a poor frame of reference.

This list is not the ghastly sins usually associated with the wrath of God, but the very fact that we view them so lightly is proof of our carnality. That we should view social sins so indifferently is an indictment on our respect for our fellow man. Must sin be against one’s own body to be reprehensible? Are not sins of neglect or indifference toward our fellow man even more abominable than sins against our own person? If children are raised by a religious father who professes to walk in righteousness and holds his children to the high principles of religion, but he himself walks in the shadow of injustice, the children will see through it like a clear sky. Think about it. A father claims that his religion is the right way (“Abraham is our father”), and he occasionally expresses his disdain for the less-informed and not-nearly-so-dedicated. But in his dedication to high standards he passes over the poor and hungry with an air that they are “low class” and “brought it upon themselves.” Many families will not dirty themselves with stooping to help the piggish. Just quietly remaining above the fray is indictment against one’s self. Remember, when Jesus said that the greatest commandment was to love your neighbor, one standing by asked, “Who is my neighbor?” He was not seeking clarification; he was seeking exemption from involvement. Remember, the Good Samaritan was preceded by a “good” priest and a “good” Jew, who no doubt had good things to which they must attend. But their business kept them from justice and mercy (“these ought you to have done, and not to have left the other undone”). Tell me, what difference do you foresee in the two sons: one, the son of the Samaritan, who assisted his father in helping the stranger; and the other, the son of the priest, who hastened away from the disgusting scene to get back to the safety of decent society? Will the two boys grow up differently? The priest may offer religious instruction, but will it equal the silent instruction of the Samaritan who parted with his valuables and his time? John told them to “exact no more than that which is appointed you.” When a son sees his religious father seeking his own advantage first, secretly hiding his action lest discovery prove embarrassing, will that son be prone to always be above-board in his dealings with parents, or will he learn to twist the truth and hide the facts? Can that father realistically expect a son to turn his heart over to such a man, even if it is his own father? John told the fathers that, in their quest for justice, they should “do violence to no man.” If a son sees or hears violence, or animosity, or hatred, or a get-even aggression coming from his father, will he believe that his father is the spiritual leader of the home? When does the angry man stop and do his metamorphosis into the lowly disciple, the meek man of God? Can he be believed when he speaks of love and patience, mercy and grace? Does the son believe that this father is a praying man? Does he pray for his enemies—like Jesus did? When he is angry and violent towards Mom and the kids, is the son to ignore what he does and still respect him? If you find a son who can respect the unrespectable father, you have found a vein of gold in a garbage dump. If the Messiah came to a nation where the men were all angry and violent, could they be his disciples and remain violent and angry? If they did, would their sons follow them into a “faith” that did not issue injustice? John told them not to “accuse any falsely.” How unjust to bring false accusation. There is but one reason to falsely accuse, and that is to bring the other man down, to hurt his reputation, to hurt him. It is an act of aggression, of dominance. It is a lie told not to gain gold or save your own reputation, but simply to destroy another. Have your children ever suspected that you have misrepresented the truth because you wanted to get back at another person? If you have accused your wife falsely, your children will take up her offense and never forget it as long as they live—or until they see the tears of your repentance wash the soul of your wife. John said that justice was being “content with your wages.” One of the stains on our generation is the working man’s conviction that he has a “right” to work. The socialistic mentality is so commonly accepted that it is considered part of democracy, and not thought of as socialism at all. Everybody feels they have a “right” to eat from the corporate pie, and most seem to feel that their piece of the pie is not as big as it should be. There was a time when men on the farm sought wealth by working harder or longer hours, or devising some method of doing more in the same period of time. No one owed him anything and he did not expect it. Today there is a general lack of contentment. Fathers everywhere come home from work with sour tales of how they are misused on the job. Again, the key word is content—content with wages. Lack of contentment makes a man poor on any financial scale. “Godliness with contentment is great gain.” There can be no godliness where there is no contentment. A man, who learns to be content in whatever state he is in, is indeed a rich man, and his children will be rich. A man with great means but no contentment is a man of poverty. A poor man who is discontent would be discontent as a rich man. Discontentment is not an economic condition; it is a heart condition, and is therefore only affected by what is within, not the circumstances without. Children of truly poor families, but raised on smiles, hugs, and a spirit of togetherness, will think they are well off. Kids fed on beans, cabbage, and cornbread will think it is the best stuff in the world. Kids never know they are poor unless someone in the family gripes about it. Outsiders can’t make you feel poor. Only family can do that, and Daddy can do it better than anyone. If Daddy is not content, if he is always worried about money, always talking about getting more for the family, then the kids not only do without many things, but they have to do without Daddy as well. Daddies caught up in discontentment will never win the heart of their children, and they will never have anything in their own hearts that their children will desire. Economic discontentment will eat all your joy, all your hope; it will silence your song, put a drag in your feet, cause you to close in on yourself and grow bitter in thought of what should be. In fact, economic discontentment will keep a man poor because it burns up his creative energies and takes away his hope. I know what I am talking about because I was raised as poor as the cracks in the walls that left my bed with thin crusts of snow. I remember one Sunday evening as we were leaving church, my family rejoiced over finding a slab of salt meat in the front seat of the old Model T Ford. When we came home to a one-room house with no insulation and tried to get a fire started, I didn’t know we were poor. When I was fortunate enough to get one new pair of pants at the beginning of each school year, I didn’t know we were poor. Everybody seemed happy. I was happy. I was grown, had completed college, and was well-traveled before it dawned on me that we had been poor most of my youth. I can remember my Daddy writing poetry by the light of a kerosene lantern. At night—with a blanket covering our legs to stay warm—we listened as Mama read Bible stories from an old book with only a few line illustrations. But believe me, there was nothing better anywhere. My Daddy was not a perfect man, but I didn’t know that when I was young. He has been dead now for 35 years, but I still remember him as the most just man I have ever known. Fathers, do you have a heart to which your children would want to turn? If you seek to turn your heart toward your children will they shut you out, or welcome you? If they would shut you out it is your responsibility to “repent and bring forth fruits meet for repentance.” The disobedient will turn to the “wisdom of the just.” It is yours to become an example of justice. Jesus said, “But wisdom is justified of all her children” (Luke 7:35). Wise fathers are just men, benevolent men, kind men. They will raise just children. The final tally is taken in the fruit. Wisdom (wise fathers) is justified (vindicated—demonstrated to be, in fact, wise) of her children (your children will demonstrate your justice and extol your wisdom in the practice of their own lives). The time is short. The great day of his wrath is near. Repent now before he comes and smites the earth with a curse. Article formerly published as The World’s Greatest Need.

Be Careful Little Feet Where You Go

Debi Pearl — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 13:02:20 +0000

My friend Aaron told me that when he was about four years old his old grandpa offered him a taste of beer. His very conservative parents would have been horrified if they had known about it. Aaron said that one sip of beer made a permanent impression upon him. From that point on he knew that “Beer is yucky.” I had another friend who said that when he was about six years old his teenage cousin offered him a drag off his cigarette. The poor little boy spent the rest of the afternoon puking while his mean cousin laughed. The misery of a sick stomach and the mockery forever destroyed any mysterious appeal of smoking. It is interesting that it takes a lot of practice to learn to appreciate something as repulsive as smoking or the taste of beer, but when it finally takes root it quickly becomes a very compelling habit. In a natural sense, the young child doesn’t like either. It takes an effort to dull and kill the natural sense of taste and smell in order to want to indulge. I saw a classic example of this while on vacation. It was sin at the end of life’s road. While we were on vacation down at the coast we kept seeing an advertisement that read, “Best seafood bar ever for only $21.95.” Now that is a lot of money just to eat, but we only go on vacation occasionally and never get fresh seafood. We decided to try it out. Since we have four children we figured, or at least hoped, that like all good restaurants, this one would offer “free eats” for very young children and maybe half-price meals for the others. Even with a price break for the children it would still be an expensive meal, but a real treat. I guess I was thinking about all this when I read the advertisement because I didn’t notice that the restaurant was in a casino. Since we had already driven across the city to find this place, we decided to go ahead with our plans. Even though it was early in the day, which I thought would be before the normal hours of casino activities, I knew I needed to do a thorough job of explaining the evils of a casino to my children. So before entering I explained in great detail how people go to casinos thinking they are going to win free money but in the end they always lose money. It was really just paying to play some stupid games. I told them the casino business set up the machines so that everyone wins occasionally, which is just to keep them playing, but at the end of the day the machine has most of their money. I explained that wise people never indulge in such foolishness. All these things I had heard, although I had never actually been in a gambling establishment myself. This was going to be a learning event for all of us. What a surprise we had coming! We walked up the steps and entered the magnificent building. As the huge double-doors opened we could hear the clanging of the winner’s bell. The interior was dim, and at first all we could detect was a smoky atmosphere. And then there was the odor. As a rule children have very acute senses, so I knew my four children must be reeling. The odor was old, nasty, and certainly not conducive to paying $21.95 to eat. “But maybe the restaurant is isolated from all this,” I thought. As our eyes adjusted, we were able to see two long lines of slot machines on either side of the long walk we must take to reach the steps leading up to where the sign indicated we would find the restaurant. The sight before us was both horrifying and fascinating. We all stared at the decrepit people sitting hunched over each slot machine. It looked like some kind of a freak show. My first thought was of a Mad Magazine I saw as a kid. Every player had the appearance of having died and fossilized while sitting in front of the machine. Most were old, hard, whorish-looking women dressed in what they must have thought was sexy clothes, their thin orange hair making a fuzzy halo around their heads. I noticed a cigarette hanging from each of their thin, red, painted lips. Yikes! Was I in a nightmare? If I was, please someone wake me up! But it was real. There was little movement only for a brief moment when they pulled the lever down. As I stood watching I identified the odor. It was old flesh, diapers damp with pee, stale smoke, and hacking coughs bringing up cancerous smells. Surely this was just one step from hell. We, as a family, rushed the 100 feet through the row of slot machines. I figured the kids were holding their breaths, because I sure was. We raced up the steps, then stopped, totally dismayed. Before us was another long line of slot machines, each occupied with more dreadful figures, each momentarily coming alive, like they were using their last ounce of life, to yank the arm down. The awful odor was now mixed with the smell of cooking fish. Thankfully, through the smoky gloom we could see the lights of the restaurant. We rushed past the animated corpses as if there was salvation in the restaurant. The waiter looked discomforted to see the children. With his nose in the air he informed us there would be NO discount for children in this eating establishment. His words squeaked like an open gate, releasing us from our misguided intentions. We turned as one and almost ran down the first corridor of hell, down the steps, and then with our eyes focused on the double doors we fled to the light beyond. Once in the clean air and bright sunlight, we exhaled from our lungs the fumes of death and sucked in fresh air. Finally, breathing normally, we stood looking at each other in relief. We had escaped. My 8-year-old daughter spoke for us all: “Man, I would rather eat junk off the sidewalk than eat in that gross dungeon.” The whole visit was an exercise in the degradation of mankind. The people sitting there no longer noticed the foul odor; they had become accustomed to their eyes burning from the thick cloud of smoke, and their souls had long since lost consciousness of the ugliness around them. To the lost souls, sitting at the slot machines was thrilling; the possibility of winning gave them a fix I will never understand. Sin, time, and conditioning had stolen their dignity, had dulled their senses, and would soon take their souls. I will never need to caution my children against gambling or entering places of ill repute. One visit through the doors of hell had steeled their souls to hate that sort of degradation forever. God in his mercy helps me as I seek Him to raise my family to honor Him. We all learned a lesson that day: “Be careful, little feet, where you go.” —Debi Pearl, as told by Nathan Pearl