No Greater Joy Ministries » Girls Only

My Mama Adores My Daddy

Debi Pearl — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 16:54:23 +0000

Four-year-old Amy said to me last Saturday, “Can I take a vitamin C to Trajan (two years old)?” “Trajan is not here today. He did not come to work.” “Why?” Amy asked. “Because today is Saturday, and Trajan does not come to work on Saturday. Does your daddy work on Saturday?” “No, but sometimes he does. But it is terrible when he has to work because my mama likes him to be with her.” “Your mama really likes your daddy, huh?” “Oh yes, my mama just adores my daddy. You know what I’m going to do when I grow up? I’m going to get married.” “Yep, and I bet you are going to adore your husband too.” “Yep, I sure will. Mama Deb, would you like to be my flower girl? Or will you be an old lady when I get married?” Precepts, principles, studies, lectures, and good training cannot accomplish what example can. It starts with Mom and Dad being friends and lovers.

The Flower House

Shalom (Pearl) Brand — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 13:01:03 +0000

When I was a little girl, my sister and I played house all day, every day. We would build our play pretend houses everywhere we went. I remember days when Dad would come from work and stop in shock at the mess Shoshanna and I had made in the sunroom. We would take every book, chair, cushion, cardboard, or blanket that Mom would let us use and build ourselves a fancy home. One time we found a pile of old flowers the graveyard keeper had tossed over the fence onto our farm. In great excitement, we took them to our yard and stuck them into the ground to create flower walls for our house. We thought it was so wonderful. We ran to find Dad and Mom so they could come and see our wonderful new house. With great pleasure and pride we showed it off. Like the fine parents they are, they smiled and sat at a makeshift table in our magnificent flower kitchen room and pretended to eat with us. I look back to my childhood and realize that when my parents saw the plastic flowers all over the front lawn they must have been thinking, “Oh, no! What a mess!” But as a child I never had a clue that our flower playhouse was anything but beautiful. Their smart little girls only filled their hearts with gladness. The first year of my marriage I lived in a magical world of making a real house become a special home. A pleasure and pride very akin to what I knew as a child daily filled my heart. When Dad and Mom came over to visit, I fed them real food at a real table, and it was so much fun. Last night my good husband brought home some short pieces of wood from his job. My two little girls found it, and right now, as I am writing this, both are outside gleefully making a new playhouse with the small pieces of wood and some fake flowers left over from a party. When they are finished making their playhouse, like my mother before me, I will go out and sit with them in their kitchen and pretend to eat dirt cake. And someday, when my daughters are married, with the same pride that they once fed me dirt cake they will feed me fine foods at their real table. They will, as I have done, reflect back to the glorious days of their childhood, remembering that Mama took time to play pretend with them. —Shalom (Pearl) Brand

Learning to Become a Multi-Colored Girl

Debi Pearl — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 11:00:31 +0000

A Call for All Young Women A lot has happened since the books Created to Be His Help Meet and Preparing to Be a Help Meet were published. Created has been translated into eight or ten languages and there have been thousands of Created and Preparing classes all over the world. We have received many letters from ladies and girls sharing what they have learned. Our most active blog is PreparingToBeAHelpMeet.com with girls and married ladies sharing what God has taught them. Through the letters and the blogs I have learned much that has helped me in addressing your needs. Here are a few examples. Men were created in God’s image. God breathed the breath of life straight into Adam. It is mind-boggling to think that mere man is in God’s own image. In effect, man is in the likeness of God. God feels, he thinks, and he loves just as does his creation. Just as Eve was created to meet a need in Adam, so we meet a need in God. That is strange to me. We all know that God is three persons, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We learned in Created to Be His Help Meet that, as men were created in God’s image, so each man predominantly expresses one of the three aspects of God’s image. As Adam was created in God’s image, Eve was created in Adam’s image. God could have shaped two clay figures and breathed life into both, but he chose to take the woman from the man’s own flesh and bone. I have come to see that tiered process as very significant, making it consistent with nature that the woman should be the helper in the chain of command. God did not create women as he did men, strongly fixed in one type or another. Being created in the image of man, we are more muted and flexible in our types. If a woman were a strong Command type married to Mr. Steady, that would cause terrible conflict in the marital relationship. If we were to attach colors to the three types, Command men would be red, the Steady man would be blue, and the Visionary would be yellow. Few men are a 100% pure type/color. Most men are one type with just a touch of another type to mellow him out. But this article is not about men, but rather about us girls and our adaptability of color. The woman was called to be her man’s helper, to fashion herself to be what he needs her to be. It is quite a calling. In order to do this a woman needs to be a kaleidoscope, a full array of color. One woman might be strong in red, but she also has all the other colors so that she can blend her life into that of her man. God provides us with all that we need to fulfill our calling. For example, at this time in my life as a Help Meet I am required to be a writer, office director, web planner, wife, grandmother and, last, but certainly not least, a country woman. If I had to give myself a color or type at this time in my life it would be a bright orange: half red, half yellow. I have been put into a role that requires leadership and creativity. As I was growing up my color was blue (servant) so I have had to adapt quite a bit. If I had married a different man I would likely not be a writer, an office director, web planner or a country woman. How different my life would have been! I might have married a factory worker who lived in the city. I could have lived my whole life in a rented apartment, worked as a domestic for extra income, and had just two children. I would have still loved the Lord because that is who I am, a lover of God. Most everything else in my life would have been different; what I learned, how I dressed, what I enjoyed, and where I went. I think that I would have grown potted plants full of herbs and salads on my balcony. My color would have been green, mostly blue but some yellow so that I might raise children strong in spirit. It would have been easy for me to have married a committed Southern Baptist minister. My color would have been purple, part blue to serve but part red to lead. It is a queenly color, as Baptists like their pastors’ wives to have dignity. I would have worn simple conservative suits, stockings, and slight heels, kept my hair done prim and proper, and my nails clean and painted. I would have been a Sunday School teacher, planned Vacation Bible Schools, and promoted my husband in his calling. I would have been a lover of God, because I love him. But I would have been a different lady, certainly not the country woman I am today. But then, I might have married an Amish-type-man, living plain, dressing plain, and speaking German. I would have never touched a computer, but spent my life having 12 children and working the land. You would never know me as me, but I would still be me, only I would be meshing into the man to whom I was a helper. I would still be a lover of God, because I love him, and in loving him I would have put forth an effort to honor God by honoring and reverencing my husband, as God has written in Ephesians 5:33, “…and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands” (1 Peter 3:1). When a girl marries a man she becomes a new person. She becomes his bride, his woman, his helper. It is God’s will that her life be fashioned to help him. If a girl comes into marriage knowing that she is equipped and appointed to be this one new person, then she can adapt and find fulfillment in her new self-expression. This past week the local Preparing class invited two older mothers to share their experiences in marriage. It was quite sobering, and some of the girls came away from class unnerved by the burdens of marriage. What the mothers wanted to convey to the girls was, “Learn now while you are young to honor your husbands. Learn patience to continue in your role as a Help Meet, and commit yourself to God now while you are young so you can avoid some of our trials and errors as we struggle to find our way.” Today’s culture, our own selfishness, and our lack of knowing God’s Word all play a part in making marriages miserable. What you learn as a young unmarried woman can change your life more completely than you can imagine. If you are wise you will learn to become a many-colored girl. Don’t say to yourself, “I am a Go-to Girl and not a Servant.” Rather say, “I am learning to be anything I need to be. I want to be a servant, I need to learn to lead and teach, and I will learn to be creative because my husband may need me to be all of these.” Practice being flexible in your likes and dislikes, how you feel about things, and what you hope to accomplish. Start striving to shape your life to help others, and hide God’s Words in your heart concerning becoming a wife. Lastly, make a written commitment to honor the man God provides for you. Choose a life’s verse that you write down on the cover of your Bible, one that goes along with your commitment. All these things will shape you for your coming marriage, enabling you to avoid the many pitfalls that entangle so many. Making yourself ready for any eventuality in your future marriage demands much practice if you want a glorious marriage.

Throwing Anger in the Garbage

Shalom (Pearl) Brand — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 11:10:42 +0000

Laila was becoming more and more frustrated and it had led to her being angry. Her frustration was due to Gracie teasing her, or me being busy and not responding to her right away. She became conditioned to getting attention by whining, crying, or getting mad. Then I would react and she would get in trouble for the whining or for being mad. It just made her madder. Over time I could see that her response had become a habit that we had created. The first step was to take away things that were frustrating her, at least as much as we could. I talked to Gracie (big sister) about the problem and we agreed to do all we could to help Laila. The second step was to figure out how to break the angry response that she had learned to use to get attention. I knew that spanking her and other types of discipline would not be productive. I asked God for wisdom to help my little girl to learn to control her emotional reactions of anger. The next time Laila got angry I set her on the couch and told her that anger was a bad thing. I explained that anger made little girls not be sweet and that anger wanted to hurt her and be mean to her. I told her that Mama wanted to get that anger and throw it in the garbage where it belonged, so that it could not hurt my sweet girl anymore. I told Laila that we could tickle it out of her, or kiss it out, or spank it out, depending on how much anger was there. The whole concept caught her imagination. She told me that she thought we should tickle it out of her. I agreed. She was smiling and I was laughing by the time I started tickling while chanting, “Anger, Anger, go away, do not come back to hurt Laila any day, you mean old ugly anger.” Gracie knew I had been thinking about what to do about Laila’s anger so when she walked in she quickly followed my lead by running to hide in the closet. I asked Laila, “Where do you think the anger is? Do you have anger still in your heart?” “No,” she said, “it is in the closet.” So I grabbed my switch and off to the closet we ran. Out jumped Gracie, screaming like she was angry. I proceeded to chase her through the house with Laila right behind me. We chanted, “Let’s get that anger and throw it away.” We caught Gracie and tickled her to the ground. It was all great fun. The next day Laila shut her finger in the door. She ran to the couch and sat down with her arms crossed like she was mad. To my shame I was cooking and not paying attention again. She looked up and said, “Mama I think you need to spank the anger that is in my heart and make it run away.” She was so sincere, it was so cute. I stopped cooking and asked her, “Do you have anger in your heart?” She said, “Yes.” I grinned at her as I said, “Then I will kiss it out of you.” I started kissing and hugging her and she started laughing while trying to talk, “My anger is gone. I think it jumped into the garbage can.” We have been chasing and kissing and tickling and even, at times, when the anger is really awful and it will not run away I have to spank it out. Now, three weeks later, there is less and less anger and she tells me that anger cannot hurt her anymore. Some days when I see frustration begin to build in her I catch her in my arms and spin in circles while saying, “Go away, Anger, and leave my little girl alone.” She knows my heart is to bless her and make her life better, so she responds to that caring call. There have been several times now that I have seen an angry response coming and told her, “Remember, Anger wants to hurt you; do not let it grab you. Ask Mama for help and push that anger away.” Over and over I have seen her gain control of her negative emotions. She is learning self-control. This training will follow her all her life. She will be healthier, happier and a greater blessing to others for learning self-control. ☺ Tips Read these articles: • The Will to Dominate • ESP Training—Explain, Show, Practice • My Little Knuckle-Head • Poor Little Fat Girl

Yes! I Am Normal

Shoshanna (Pearl) Easling — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 11:05:06 +0000

This is Shoshanna here, the youngest of the five Pearl kids. My husband James and I own The Bulk Herb Store. Lately we have gotten a lot of e-mails from our customers who have begun to figure out that I am indeed one of the Pearl kids. Most think it’s great, but several really hate the fact that a grown-up Pearl kid might actually love God and be healthy, wealthy, and wise.

First email:

Hi, I have been to your Bulk Herb Store web site and I have to tell you it is Awesome!! I was wondering if you are related to The Pearls....I love Mrs. Debi’s Help Meet book and my hubby has all kinds of CDs from Bro. Pearl. Excuse my boldness if you are not this girl. You still are doing wonders with the life God has given to you. ~Missionaries to Italy, Kerri Spicer

Second email:

Shoshanna, Is your mom the same Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy Ministries? If so, I must confess to being a little floored by the type of person you are! So spunky, confident and even a great dresser! These are not the traits of a young lady that comes from a home that is supposedly harsh, restrictive, and legalistic (according to the negative reviews)! I imagined all of the Pearl girls to be awkward and shy. It would do me good to know if you are their daughter! ~Michelle

Third email:

Shoshanna, Is it true your parents are the same people that wrote the book To Train Up a Child? You seem so nice and normal, and yet after reading a short part of that book I was vomiting! How can anyone with a conscience behave like such monsters? They are akin to the lowest of low and in my opinion need to be shot. I feel sorry for you and pray you don’t raise your child in the same manner! ~Jane It’s true. I am Mike and Debi Pearl’s youngest daughter. My name is Shoshanna Rashell (Pearl) Easling and I am writing this to set the record straight. Over the years many people have commented on how surprised they were at how “normal” my siblings and I are. This makes me laugh! Some people think because we grew up with parents who spanked us when we misbehaved that we should be emotionally scarred, socially crippled, broken-spirited, withdrawn, and so on. Boy, are they wrong! Me, broken-spirited? HA! No one that has ever known me would think such a thing. Our parents raised us to be spirited, creative, confident, successful, and funny. To top it off, I am a go-getter kind of gal (check out Mom’s Preparing book). My parents did not raise any spiritual clones! And none of us ever went through a time of rebellion against God or our parents. I am 27 years old and married to a wonderful man, James. Everywhere we go, heads turn to check him out. Yes, he is handsome, but what catches people’s attention is the giggling baby girl in his arms, our five-year-old little rascal of a boy smiling mischievously while holding his daddy’s hand, and his glowing wife who obviously thinks he is super. We are blessed, and God is so good! I could go on and on about my amazing husband and my awesome life, but that is another article. I want to tell you how life was growing up in the Pearl house. When I was a girl in pigtails, my mother taught me how to make biscuits. My dad trained me how to keep my stray hair out of the biscuits. I will never forget the day at the dinner table when Dad pulled a two-foot-long hair (three-quarters swallowed) out of his mouth. We laughed, gagged with him, and got a good story that day. We worked hard and played even harder. Most of my memories are at the creek swimming, lying in the sun, swinging off the rope, riding my horse, and building clubhouses. I was well-trained, so I did not get many spankings, but I was a wild child, and there were times that I needed one. I remember that spankings were like, “what goes up, must come down.” If you are bad, you get spanked. No emotional drama, no anger, no loud voices; none of that stuff ever occurred in our house. I remember a few times as a child falling down and scraping my knees. I would go show it to Dad for some sympathy. I would always get the most from him, because every time he saw one of us hurt, he would look like he smashed his own thumb. He has always been a tender teddy bear. When I was 13, I was over helping a young couple by babysitting their kids while they were working on a project. The couple got into a verbal fight and raised their voices. I was blown away. I had no idea couples fought. My dad and mom never raised their voices at each other or at us. I look back at my life in the Pearl house and I thank God I grew up there. I am so blessed to have such amazing parents. The more people I meet, the more I get to know, the more I realize how incredible my childhood was. We never had any money growing up. Many would call us dirt poor. Rightly so! Oh, but if they knew, I felt like a rich princess raised on sunshine and love. My parents gave me life and showed me how to live it well. They gave me the tools I needed to be successful in love. They gave me the confidence that I could do anything, and when I got married they supported my life as a married woman. I could not ask for better parents! I got the best. So, am I normal? I am me. I am different. I am happy. I love and respect my husband. I love and enjoy training my children just like I was loved and trained by my mom and dad. Creativity fills my life as I work with herbs, make training DVDs, and write. AND, thankfully, God is still working on me. Visit me at: BulkHerbStore.com

A Little Child Shall Lead Them

Shalom (Pearl) Brand — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 11:00:01 +0000

“Bye, Daddy! I love you!” I called out. Daddy was going to the store for Mom. Mama and my little brother and sister were in the kitchen making herb tea. As I walked into the house, Mama said, “Oh, no! Did Daddy leave already?” “Yes, he’s gone. Did you need him, Mama?” “Yes, we need more herbs for Mama Pearl. She is sick and I wanted to make her a cough tea, and we need dog food. I forgot to tell him to get some.” “Hey Mama, I’ve got a great idea. Let’s pray and ask God to remind Daddy to stop at the Herb store and to remember the dog food, too.” Mama thought that was a swell idea. “What a great idea, Sweetie. Let’s pray.” A while later I heard Daddy’s big truck drive in, so I ran to the window. “Mama, Mama, Daddy’s home.” My sister and brother and I ran for the door to meet him. “Daddy, did you stop at the herb store for Mom?” Daddy was almost at the door when he answered me, “I stopped there but did not go in; I could not find anything on the list that I needed there.” He carried the groceries over to the counter and asked Mom, “Why, did we need something? I thought we might have needed something from there, but I couldn’t think of what it was.” Mom laughed and told Dad that he had felt like that because we had prayed that he would stop there, but next time we will pray he goes in and talks to Aunt Shoshanna. Mama had called her to tell her that if Daddy stopped there to be sure to send the herbs along with him. I love my Aunt; she is so much fun. I waited to see if Mom would ask him about the dog food. I wanted to see if Daddy heard God tell him about that prayer, too. Finally, Mom said to Daddy, “Did you remember we were out of dog food?” This time Daddy grinned. “Yes, I was going to get some, but it was twice the price as it is in the city, so I waited to get it at the co-op, but then I forgot.” So much for dog food! Later that day I went with my mom to drop off my Great Grandfather at his house. Miss Talitha, the lady that takes care of Great Granddad, handed my mom a bag of dog food as we were leaving. Miss Talitha said, “I was at the store today and remembered that you were low on dog food so I got this for you.” Mom started laughing and told her that we had prayed that Daddy would remember to get us some. I thought about all this as we drove home. I didn’t have to think very long, because we only live one block from Great Granddad. I told Mama, “I think Miss Talitha must have heard God better than Dad.” By Shalom & Gracie Brand

Poor Miss Loveless & Her Sister

Debi Pearl — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 11:15:41 +0000

Question:

Dear Mrs. Debi, I love your new book, Preparing to Be a Help Meet. I was deeply affected by the phrase, “I can think of nothing I want more than someone to truly love me.” I am a 27-year-old homeschooled girl. My older sister and I have no reason to believe marriage is in sight. Mom is a wonderful person, but still believes it is her total responsibility to guide and protect us as if we were still children. This might be fine and good, but the years have passed and Mom is so much in our faces and controlling toward the few Possibilities that have come our way that if things continue status quo I suspect we will remain old maids. Mom doesn’t see this as bad. “After all,” she says, “it is better to remain a vessel for God than to marry an unrighteous man.” That is easy for her to say. Mom’s spiritual talk is her way of reminding us what a loser Dad is. Dad is a long way from being the Apostle Paul, but then Mom is no ministering angel toward him. That is another subject and their problem…unless mine and my sister’s loveless and childless fate is perpetuated by their sin. My question is this: What can we do? Are we really rebellious when we want to be adults making our own decisions? Can a saved parent hold a grown child back from having a life that God would freely give? What does the Bible say? If we are free, then how do we find these Possibilities? Or have them find us? ~Just call me Miss Loveless

Answer:

Dear Miss Loveless and her Loveless Sister, What a sad state you find yourself in. Maybe a little Bible information will shed some light on your plight. God clearly reveals the age when one becomes an autonomous adult. Is this the age of accountability? It is far more than that. The phrase “twenty years old and upward” appears 132 times in the Scripture. God gives twenty years old as being the beginning of a man’s independent responsibilities toward Him in worship: Exodus 30:14, “Every one that passeth among them that are numbered, from twenty years old and above, shall give an offering unto the LORD.” The twenty-year-old was no longer covered by his family’s sacrifice. In Numbers chapters 1–3, God says many times, “number the names of every male from twenty years old and upward, all that were able to go forth to war:” It is most significant that when a man reached the age of twenty, he was counted as an independent family separate from his father. Number 1:18 says, “And they assembled all the congregation together on the first day of the second month, and they declared their pedigrees after their families, by house of their fathers, according to the number of the names, from twenty-years-old and upward by their polls.” You will note all these Old Testament passages refer to a man’s age, not a female’s. Some will argue that females have no independent standing before God, that they must relate to God and society in subjection to a man—either their father or a husband. In the New Testament we find no such rigid cultural standards. God clarified this point through his dealings with Mary. The Holy Ghost approached Mary about becoming the mother of Jesus without going through either her parents or her betrothed husband. And she made her decision on her own. Furthermore, overly protective parents are handicapping their adult children spiritually, physically, and emotionally. Young adults need to be tested so they can gain wisdom. A parent’s instruction concerning life is not sufficient; there comes a time when we must stand alone before God in regard to the choices we make if we are to grow to maturity before God. Some will fail; some will be wounded; but that is life. It is God’s testing ground to prove who and what we are. When our adult children leave home and grow into wise sons and daughters of the living God, sacrificing their life for righteousness, it brings great glory to God. A cloistered adult kid is a glory only to a needy parent. You as a single woman, far past the age of twenty, will stand before God for your own decisions. (Of course, everyone living in the house should follow house rules.) How can you safeguard yourself against making unwise decisions? We all think we are wise, but it is so easy to be deceived. A wise daughter should continue to seek her parents’ counsel as well as the counsel of any and all wise people in her life, especially concerning the most important decision of your life. Proverbs 12:15 says, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.” Then Proverbs 11:14 says, “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.” But know that the final decisions are yours to live with. Now your second question: How can you meet Possibilities? You can ask your dad, an older brother, a man in the Church who walks upright and is happily wed, or your pastor to introduce you to young men who might need a wife. Men know what men are “up to” better than females, so it is wise to meet a “Possibility” through a man who regards your well-being as important. Even if your mom and dad were divorced, I would think your dad would be the first place to seek help. Dads naturally tend to be protective of their own flesh and blood, so even if he doesn’t live righteously, he will want your husband to be a good man. It is possible that your dad would soberly take on the task. Usually dads, even lost ones, are more emotionally-balanced than moms who often thrive on controlling in an invasive way. When I asked the local men their thoughts on approaching a parent concerning getting to know a girl for marriage, they agreed that having to approach a girl’s father would be scary, but having to deal with the older woman about her daughters would be humiliating. They all agreed that they would give up pursuing a good woman as a possible wife to avoid being under the scrutiny (authority) of the girl’s mom. Be ready for an emotional storm. Kindly let Mom know of your decision to act autonomously as a grown woman. Chances are she will see you choosing your dad over her and it will stir up an old personal hurt. She might tell some ugly stories, but in every bad marriage there are two sides, and both are usually greatly exaggerated. Refuse to listen, as she will regret the telling later. Be patient, wise, discerning, and reassuring toward her. Now, if Dad or another trusted man does help find you a husband, I want you to know this important detail. You are your mother’s daughter. She loves you and has given her life for you. Honor her. Give her space and let her be a part of your new family. Also, remember that she, as a woman in sourness toward her husband, is probably judgmental toward men in general, and thus a lingering spirit of criticism will most likely be an evil stronghold in your own life. Start now reading all the stories in the Old Testament of men God chose to use as his messengers. Learning how God loved and dealt with different people brings you to know the mind of God; this will renew your mind. There were Adam, Samson, David, Jonah, and Solomon. Become acquainted with these men of God. See their ups and downs. Read the story of the prophet Elijah who had a nervous breakdown; of Ezekiel who had strange visions, and laid on his side and ate dung while prophesying; Jeremiah the weeping prophet; and a crowd of other eccentric men God chose to honor as his special men. If you are really blessed you will marry one of the sons of Adam, and you will be judgmental toward him because he will be a jerk. But sweetie, so are you; only you will not see the beam in your own eye. Be sure to read Created to Be His Help Meet when you find yourself irritated with your man. Don’t let what happened to your mama happen to you and your daughters. If we are not ever vigilant, sin has a way of being passed down through the generations. It is a robber of love, joy, and peace—and marriages. In the end, a Possibility is just that: a Possibility. You will need to seek God’s will and have peace that this is the man you want to honor and obey all the days of your life, and the one you want to be the daddy to your children. It is a sobering thought. Once you are put to the test you might start agreeing with your mom and decide to stay single. But you need the opportunity to decide. God tells us his will in I Timothy 5:14: “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.” The Scripture also says, “There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:34a). I would encourage you to pour your life into the ministry until such time God blesses you with a man. Read Preparing to Be a Help Meet. Some naysayers will point out that this verse says women, not girls. We already covered the age of an adult found in the Old Testament (20 years old). What does “younger” refer to? Twenty? Twenty-five? Thirty? Well, younger is definitely not older. Keep in mind that the best, safest and healthiest childbearing age is from twenty to thirty. May God’s blessing be on you and your sister, and may both of you soon have someone to truly love you. Friend, Debi

Preparing to Be a Help Meet—NEW BOOK!

Debi Pearl — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 12:10:01 +0000

Nearly every wife will confess that the first year or two of married life was…how shall I say it…a frustrating learning experience. Most girls spend plenty of time planning for their wedding, but make no preparation for the weeks and years to follow. Many wives are provoked to bitterness during the first year and never get over it. All this could so easily be avoided with simple instruction. It was with good reason God said let the aged women teach the younger. Trial and error is not the best teacher when it comes to marriage. It is much less painful to learn beforehand what God has to say about your role as a help meet to that special man God will bring into your life. It is the older women who have experienced the joys of a good marriage whom God has appointed to pass along his instructions. That is what I have done in this new book Preparing to Be a Help Meet. Preparing to Be a Help Meet contains six sweet love stories written by wives sharing their experiences about how God taught them to be the help meets they are today. Three of the stories are from wives that have been married over 40 years. Three stories are by new brides who, before marriage, were trained to be the help meet God intended. All the love stories are beautiful, and will show you how wonderful it is to walk together in God’s light. In addition to the six personal testimonies, this book is full of short stories from a wide range of cultural backgrounds. Funny tales, ideas of how to gain a good man’s attention, and even a tragic testimony all teach important lessons. You will meet “Grabbers” and “Hidden Flowers”, and discover how to avoid being either. The chapter on “Antsy Babes” will remind you why patience is so important. You will be warned as you read stories of how texting, emailing and other forms of cyberspace have destroyed many budding relationships and even marriages. An important part of this book is instruction on preparing for your future by saving money, developing skills, gathering information on cooking, health, and many other topics. Girls will see how one wise young woman planned her wedding God’s way. Along the way the reader will learn what to pack in her Heavenly Hope Chest. A shy girl—Hidden Flower—who has never had a man interested in her, will learn how to become visible to godly men. Brassy girls—Grabbers—will be shown a mirror so they will see how good men view pushy females. Impatient girls—Antsy Babes—will learn patience. Girls will be instructed on how young men seek out a wife and what they are looking for in a possible mate. They will discover what turns young men away and what causes a young man to consider a girl. In the last chapter, several men speak up to say what they really appreciate in their wives. And, of course, several single, wife-hunting males speak out here and there to give their opinion of what I have written. On a more sober note, the age-old question, “How do I know if this man is the will of God for me?” will be answered through Scripture, wisdom, and example. As I was finishing the manuscript, three young women read and evaluated Preparing to Be a Help Meet. They all said the book was captivating and that they would be better daughters and wives for having read it. Several married women who read the rough manuscript said of this new book that any lady that enjoyed Created to Be His Help Meet will LOVE Preparing to Be a Help Meet and they will learn as much from it as they did from Created. As the author, I believe the girl or married woman who reads Preparing to Be a Help Meet will close the book knowing that God answers prayer, that He wants to bless her and that marriage God’s way is indeed glorious. At the back of the book, my daughter Shalom Pearl Brand put together an extensive Teacher’s Guide. Shalom and Kristen Leonard taught a girls’ Preparing to Be a Help Meet class last winter using the book’s draft as it was being written. Through the teaching of the Word the girls grew into righteous young women. Some of the girls said they just didn’t understand that God meant for them to start being a Proverbs 31 female NOW, training to be a help meet before becoming one. Shalom used the notes from her class to put together the Teacher’s Guide. It has ice breakers to get the girls laughing and talking, questions from the chapter they are studying, verses to look up to see what God requires, and challenges to obey God. Anyone with a heart to do so could use these step by step directions to teach a Help Meet class for singles or married ladies. Even a young man reading this book can come to better understand how girls think and how better to approach a girl for marriage. So if any of you young men are wondering how…read and see! Move over, Created…here comes Preparing to Be a Help Meet.

Update

Preparing to Be a Help Meet is available for purchase from our web store as a book, or on audio as an MP3 CD or digital download. You can also order the book from NGJ by calling our toll-free order line 1-866-292-9936 (M–F, 8 am–5 pm CST). In August 2010, we launched a new website where all of you married and unmarried women can discuss the book and ask questions. Visit the official Preparing to Be a Help Meet website and join in the conversation!

Hippy Mom

Shalom (Pearl) Brand — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 11:20:18 +0000

As I sat down to write this article I asked Gracie if she would like to help me. She looked at me and said with a big smile, “Sure, Mama.” I started by telling her what I planned. “I want to write about how you help Mama.” Gracie is standing by to help me write this article. She helps me when I sew, cook, and fold clothes, so she knows that she can help me come up with interesting stories for you. Every day, from the first thing in the morning until they go to bed at night, both of my girls are with me. We are a team that is working together getting our work done, so we can play together or learn together. Just yesterday as I was washing the dishes at NGJ, I had Laila, my 11 month old, sitting in the sink next to me helping me wash, as Gracie stood on the chair beside me. One of the office workers stopped upon seeing us and laughed, “That is a good way of doing it.” Once, not too many years past, I sat in the sink helping my mom with the dishes. Now it is my turn to bless my daughters with both the joy and the responsibility of washing dishes together. From the time Gracie was born she has been working and enjoying life with me. At times I have been in a hurry to get the house clean before Daddy comes home, yet I make myself slow down to include Gracie in my activities. She is always there wanting to be a part of everything I do. Now at the age of three she is more help than most ten-year-olds. We are friends in every sense of the word. Last week my husband and I had some friends over for dinner. As I was working in the kitchen, cooking and setting the table, my baby, Laila, was riding on my hip. The lady visiting asked me why I carried my baby around like that while I cooked. At eleven months Laila is learning the art of cooking. I let her sniff the herbs and taste test the food. I am training a chef. How else is Laila going to see what I am doing if I don’t carry her? If she does not see, taste and experience cooking, how will she ever learn? My daughters will be wonderful wives and mothers. They will be fully-equipped in all good matters of the home. They will be cheerful, thankful, delighted in their husbands, obedient, hard-working, creative, and did I say thankful? I am not a name it and claim it believer. It takes far more than naming and claiming to have children that are hard-working, cheerful and honor God by walking in truth. Nor do I leave it up to “hope”, “chance” or “curriculum.” I train my daughters now to be a part of what mama is and what mama is doing. I pray that my steps will be straight, my heart pure and my soul full of joy unspeakable and full of glory, because what I am will be passed on to my daughters.

Squeaky Clean Apprentice

No Greater Joy Ministries — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 11:30:34 +0000

The dust buster now lives securely behind a chair, and Amanda knows she has the authority to suck up any dirt, leaves, lint, or grit she sees on the floor. I also taught her how to use a dustpan, so whenever she sees me sweeping, she runs to get her tools. Amanda is aware that a clean floor is important to me, and because of this, she knows she is REALLY helping Momma by maintaining it. While my squeaky-clean floor standards have been lowered a bit, when the job is not done correctly the first time, I do not go back and do it for her; she must redo it—to her delight. I’ve found that kids take pride in completing tasks and truly being in charge of something; they will know if parents are sneaking back and redoing all of their hard work. My Amanda is already learning the skills of responsibility and housekeeping, and I am truly impressed by her work. I have no greater joy than to be happily working alongside my best little buddy.