No Greater Joy Ministries » Marriage

Created for Him?

Debi Pearl — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:01:03 +0000

Were you created to be his help meet…not HIS (Jesus’) help meet but “his” (hubby’s) help meet…helper to a mere fallen man? If you are a real believer in Christ, if you truly want to serve and honor God, and if you are in awe of God’s Word, then you will know that your marriage oath is indeed sacred. Regardless of your husband’s short comings; regardless of your drive to be God’s helper—ministering as you feel led; regardless of your lack of personal fulfillment in the direction he takes the family, God’s ultimate will for you, the very reason you were created and became part of a union of two, is so you can fill the role as helper to your husband. Your role is not to help by being his mother or his enforcer, or the Holy Spirit convicting him of his sin, but a helper to his vision of life regardless of how small or unfulfilling that vision may be. When you smile at him as he enters the room…your smile is an honor to God. If you are married to a worthless lump of selfish so and so, your smile may be a sacrifice but that makes it all the more a service to God. Your calling in life is to learn to listen with all joy to him; talk of his projects, plans, ideas, and hopes instead of directing the conversation to your interests and needs and visions. Your life should be dedicated to helping him realize his full potential, or limited potential, as it may be. The day we take our vows we all think we will be an encouraging, loving wife. If being a superb help meet were easy, everyone would have a wonderful marriage. The odds are against us, because nature is against us, the culture is against us, or our own selfish interests are contrary to God’s interest. Being a God ordained help meet does not come naturally. It is a labor and sacrifice of duty. We bring to the marriage the many years of negative conditioning. Girls spend years watching their Moms dishonor Dad. The TV, movies, and modern culture are conditioning the next generation of girls to greater dishonor. Romance novels were written by women describing make-believe men who are gloriously sensitive and preposterously masculine. These make-believe characters and story-lines unreasonably warp reality and often cloud what a girl expects of Mr. Regular Joe Husband. Christian girls come into marriage determined to be the help meet that God defines in his Word, but then we discover that the hubby is not the super-spiritual, romantic hero that he should be. A wall of frustration builds as our plans hit the fan. Our husbands become a bondage that holds us back from what we know we could have been. We become the person we so disliked when we were young girls, looking through the brightly-colored window of hope. God set the rules into place, obviously for a variety of reasons; many I have yet to learn (and I am old). One very good reason is to maintain order. Someone has to be central and the other a follower. It is too bad that the best and most capable is not the leader, but as in any company or corporation, ability does not a president make. Often second fiddles play the best tunes while the first fiddle gets the credit. Two bosses are a catastrophe, especially if the bosses don’t agree. With confusion comes disorder, lack of appreciation for rule, and then, rebellion (usually the children’s). God also set the rules into place in order to bring out the best in both the male and female. He did create us. He knows our psyche. He understands what makes us tick, how we can best grow and minister and what will make us conform more into his image, AND, in the end, how we can accomplish the most for eternity. He does see the big picture. God created men with a NEED. God told us that it was NOT good that man should be alone. God called the woman a “help meet.” Men were created to need a helper, a cheerleader, a listener, a healer, as well as a host of other things that only a good woman can provide. All these are like balm to a man’s soul; they help him grow, make him stronger, better, more loving, and arm him to become all that God desires. Men are fallen sons of Adam, and as such are totally selfish. As far as I know, most all men are fleshy, given to animal appetites. Some men are so cruel that regardless of what a wife does they still will be cruel. But all unfulfilled men, whether evil or good, are confused. Down in their souls many of these confused men really want to cherish their wives, but they struggle. They struggle because they were created to be honored, obeyed, and to have a help meet that helps them achieve their dreams. The lack of having a proper help meet affects men in the strangest ways; almost like lack of nutrition or a disease weakens the body, causing organs or limbs to fail; so then, different parts of a man fail when they lack a good help meet. Some men just never mature, thus remain silly boys all their lives. Other men spend their lives frustrated (shows up as anger), which disrupts their ability to follow through with what they start. Often men, who don’t have an encouraging help meet will become despondent, thus will lack any drive to succeed. A great majority of these struggling guys simply lose interest in their wives (and eventually their children). How does a man explain to his wife that he just wishes she would listen to him talk about his dreams and hopes, and even wants her to enjoy hearing about his rash ideas? Men can’t describe what is missing in their lives. It’s a feeling, a deep river of need that has nothing to do with the physical. They yearn for someone, even something, and when it is not found in their woman…well, the man seeks fulfillment from success, other people, or entertainment. There will come a time that he will no longer look to his help meet to meet this God-given need. This will naturally result in him losing interest in the one person who was created to meet this need. This lack of interest in a wife can show itself in the man spending long hours at work, being involved in other activities and/or it even reveals itself in the husband having a lack of sexual interest in his wife. Much like the body needs vitamins, minerals, and exercise to grow strong and healthy, a man’s soul was made to need a help meet that provides soul nourishment called encouragement. God set the marriage pattern for the good of the man and the woman. When a man’s soul needs are met through his woman, he will NEED her to stay content. His need for her will cause him to hunger for her attention. He will seek her out as his friend. He will want to please her. He will cherish her. He will desire to please her in intimate ways. It is in his best interest to take care of her because she is so necessary to his soul. It is the way of a maid to her man. A help meet is not first a cook, cleaner, or even a mother. A help meet’s first ministry is to her husband, how she may PLEASE her man. If cooking healthy, being a super-neat housewife, or even being involved in a ministry (even if it is where people are REALLY getting saved) interferes in ANY way with your first, and foremost ministry of pleasing your man, then you are not pleasing God. So, go back again and read Created to Be His Help Meet. Look up all the verses and mark them in your Bible with a special color. Ask God to make you into the woman he wants you to be. Drop all your extra outside activities that have made you too busy to remember your first love. PLEASE don’t say, “Tried that already and it didn’t work.” You should obey God because he is God. A big portion of our ministry has been trying to fix—sometimes futilely—that which is so badly broken that it is like trying to put humpty dumpty back together again. Most women say divorce happens to them unexpectedly. They come in one day and their “godly” husband has packed his bags and left. At first, the wife is almost relieved he is gone because the underlying tension is over, but then, long nights, emotionally disturbed kids, tension between family members, and then single life really sets in. Being alone is not all that it is cracked up to be. Wolves are looking for lonely women with cute kids and you will soon find yourself so tired of being alone that you will consider a man, some other woman rejected, who is half the man of the husband you once scorned. Being alone is an ugly phrase, a dishonor to God. It will not matter how poorly everyone thinks of your husband for leaving you for another woman…being alone is not what you want. Being alone starts while you are married. It is you slowly shutting the door; no welcoming smile, no meal prepared for him when he comes home from work, no encouraging word, off-handedly listening to his ideas and dreams; too busy rushing to ministry, games, classes, or whatever keeps you from being his soul mate. …continued in Mike’s article, “Marriage Is God’s Finishing School”

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Go, and Sneer No More

Debi Pearl — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 02:02:24 +0000

Over the last 40-plus years, we have watched couples fall in—and out—of love. In many cases, the ones we were certain would make it did not, and those we thought would surely end in divorce thrived in love. So what’s the secret? There are many dynamics in marriage that make it fail or flourish, but over the years there is one underlying element that has proven to be the deal maker or breaker. I don’t know if it is the cause or the symptom, but it is a certain marker…sitting in the seat of the scornful. A family full of scorn is a family headed for ruin, for scorn is the soul in decay. It is finding fault and deriding the failures of others while believing oneself to be somewhat better. The family piles into the family van to head home from church, and within seconds Mom speaks. “God help us, Mrs. Don’s makeup is so brazen it’s embarrassing.” The children register their mom’s remark while their minds take them back two minutes to when Mom stood by the van laughing and talking with Mrs. Don as if they were best friends. Mrs. Don has often entertained the children and done other nice things for their family, but… Dad interrupts, “That d@# preacher needs to learn to tell time. The deacons have warned him several times, but he doesn’t know when to shut up.” The kids see their mother’s instant disapproval for Daddy using the D-word. They know that mama reeeeally likes the preacher because she calls him every time Daddy does something bad. Something uglier than damn has taken hold of the children—it is called disrespect. And the disrespect in the children’s souls is not confined to the preacher or Mrs. Don; it is becoming a part of their worldview, and it will be directed toward the parents soon enough. Mom thinks her glance of condemnation will clear the air, but instead it further tears down the family. The next time she seeks the preacher’s advice, the children will sneer. Teenage sister is giggling with brother, “Did you see those geeky shoes Sara had on? Man, I would die before I would walk around looking like that. She is such a dork.” Sara is sister’s best friend, or at least she used to be. “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful” (Psalm 1:1). Note the digression from walking to standing to sitting. The practice of scorning quickly becomes a permanent post. As a general rule, the disease of scorning is most prominent in Christians who deem themselves most separate in doctrine and righteousness. Just as none are so obnoxious about diet as the health-food nuts, none are so obnoxious about lifestyle as fundamentalist Bible-believers and elitist homeschoolers who deem themselves above common practitioners. This is bad because being scornful has a huge negative impact throughout life. All that church-going homeschooling parents try to pour into their children will be cancelled out with this one bad habit of scorning. Children who grow up in a family where scorning is common will be molded into a worldview that will shape their choice of spouse, the way they relate in marriage, and the way they raise their children. A young girl who grows up hearing scorning will become a scorning wife. The first time her husband is a jerk—and he will be—she will resort to the lower instincts she has learned and scorn instead of pray and forgive. Her new husband will experience scorn instead of biblically mandated reverence. The equation reads like this: Her scorn = his lack of love. When they come for counsel, she will demand that he love her as Christ loved the church, and he will sheepishly tell us it is hard to love her, and we will know why. How can a man truly love a woman who treats him with disdain and disapproval? The recipe for a good marriage doesn’t include a pinch of scorn. But the husband may have come from a scorning family, so he will have scorned her family before they were married, which makes her feel justified in her contempt toward her husband. This equation reads like this: disrespect breeds disrespect, or scorn brings on deeper scorn. And like Thanksgiving turkey, it becomes a family tradition. One reason scorn, and thus divorce, has skyrocketed is the diminishing of community. People once lived and died around the same group of friends and family. People had to learn to treat their lifetime neighbors with some degree of respect. When you knew a girl might grow up and bear your grandkids, you learned to hold your ridicule if she appeared to be a little dumb. If you thought a boy could grow up and marry your daughter, you didn’t want him labeled too poorly. In that era, self-preservation depended upon the advancement of everyone within the circle. Everybody in the community was important to the community as a whole, and faults were better tolerated for the well-being of all. As a child, I knew of a family that had six daughters. The only thing I can remember about this highly intelligent, correctly religious, successful pastor’s family was the constant run of ridicule that prevailed in his household, usually directed toward a church member for being stupid, ugly, or messy. The pretty girls all married, divorced, remarried, and divorced again. Pastor Dad finally got involved in an affair, bringing his marriage to an end as well. Blessed is the family…that sitteth not in the seat of the scornful. Many of you reading this were raised around a table of scorn. You will most likely marry spouses from families that nit-picked their church members as they drove away from church each week. Or perhaps it was the previous church that they carefully dismembered. The infectious disease of mockery takes its toll. Usually the ridicule will not be harsh and is not meant to be cruel; it takes the form of offhanded remarks said in order to disparage the other. Perhaps the most damaging type of denigration for a child is when he thinks that his parents truly like and respect someone, and then as soon as they get in the car he hears the parents’ disdain for that person. Raining down dishonor on the teacher or preacher who is teaching the child the Bible will cause the child to lose his reverence for God and will surely lead to the child’s rejection of God. It doesn’t matter if the preacher deserves the reviling; is the venting worth the damage done in the heart of your child who heard you give your “spiritual” opinion? This two-faced diet breeds more of the same. Critical spirits don’t have just one home; they migrate and multiply like seed ticks. Wife against husband, husband against wife, and then children against parents; and when sin is conceived, it will keep your teenager from ever developing a healthy fear of God. Without fear of God there will be no wisdom. Fools—that’s what you will be raising. “How long, ye simple ones, will ye love simplicity? and the scorners delight in their scorning, and fools hate knowledge?” (Proverbs 1:22). So in the end, you might save your marriage if you happen to have married someone who doesn’t equal you in sneering, but unless someone else intervenes, your children will bear your sin and pass it on to your grandchildren. The moral of the story: Go, and sneer no more. ~ Debi

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My Mama Adores My Daddy

Debi Pearl — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 16:54:23 +0000

Four-year-old Amy said to me last Saturday, “Can I take a vitamin C to Trajan (two years old)?” “Trajan is not here today. He did not come to work.” “Why?” Amy asked. “Because today is Saturday, and Trajan does not come to work on Saturday. Does your daddy work on Saturday?” “No, but sometimes he does. But it is terrible when he has to work because my mama likes him to be with her.” “Your mama really likes your daddy, huh?” “Oh yes, my mama just adores my daddy. You know what I’m going to do when I grow up? I’m going to get married.” “Yep, and I bet you are going to adore your husband too.” “Yep, I sure will. Mama Deb, would you like to be my flower girl? Or will you be an old lady when I get married?” Precepts, principles, studies, lectures, and good training cannot accomplish what example can. It starts with Mom and Dad being friends and lovers.

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Leaving and Cleaving

Michael Pearl — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 21:06:15 +0000

Mother-in-Law

Dear Pearls, I have struggled to have a relationship with my mother-in-law since I met her. She tends to be manipulative, unkind, and judgmental. On many occasions, she has told me who I am not and what I should be, that I am undeserving of her son, and how I am not a good wife. She also tells my husband the same things about me in an attempt to pit him against me. My husband is a strong man and does not tolerate that from her, but he does see it as my duty to create and maintain a friendship with her regardless of her treatment of me. I feel that if she wants to have a real friendship, she should make the effort to treat me kindly. I want to respect my husband and be able to show love and compassion to his mom, but I also do not want to be abused by her. It is hard to believe the one thing in my marriage that brings me sadness is my mother-in-law. What are your thoughts?

Michael Answers:

What are my thoughts? I am thinking, “What a wimp!” No one should be abused, but some people just ask for it. You are asking to be treated with contempt because you do not stand tall with dignity. You cower and ask your husband to defend you. If he does take action to defend you, she will just express more contempt for your pitiful weakness. As I was reading your comments, I was thinking a woman who would treat another human being with contempt could do so only from a heart that is dark and troubled. My advice to you is determine to stand up to her tongue and put out the fire with kind, loving rejection and disregard for her ugliness. Treat her as an unruly child who needs a firm hand—firm, but not hard. She must feel her littleness in the shadow of your strength. It will be quite appropriate for you to calmly tell her, “You have personal issues that you need to deal with, and I would appreciate it if you would not come into my house with a critical spirit.” Say to her, “I am a great wife and your son is lucky to have me.” When she says you are not what you should be, tell her, “Maybe not, but I do not have a critical spirit as do you, and God is helping me do better; let’s pray and ask him to help you not be so critical and mean-spirited.” Remember to pray for her daily. Ask God to humble her, and ask him to give you the courage to not be offended by her littleness. When you can smile with pity at her criticisms, she loses her power and her words will no longer matter to you. Only then will you be able to minister to her needs. In my new book, Created to Need a Help Meet, I have a whole chapter on this subject. Your husband needs to read it.

Leave and Cleave

Dear Mike and Debi, The love of my life and I got married about four months ago. We are happy as larks and are reaping the heavenly fruits of marriage. Life really cannot get any better. I love him so much, and I want to be everything I can for him. My world revolves around him and I want it to be that way. But it seems that others simply don’t understand my infatuation with him or think it is a good thing. I’m writing to ask you what is proper as far as leaving and cleaving. I don’t know if I am going overboard or not. When I married, I moved a few states away from my family. Although my parents are thrilled with my choice of a husband, the distance between us is very hard for them. If I don’t call, she feels like I don’t love them or miss them. She needs constant reassuring that I do miss them. It’s not that I don’t love or miss them, I do. I’m just very involved being a wife and, bottom line, that’s where my attention lies. I don’t have a pressing need to call my friends and family any more. My need is my husband. But is it wrong for me to “leave” so thoroughly? Should I be reassuring them with regular ties? Is there such a thing as cutting the apron strings too much? Totally in LOVE, Happy Wife

Dear Happy Wife,

Someday you will have a daughter and will invest the greater part of your adult life in raising her. You will be her entire life for about 20 years. You will be her best friend, meeting a need in her that is deep and abiding. This is the perspective from which your mother looks at you. Then one day, to make you even happier, she was delighted to give you away in marriage, but she didn’t really want to give you away; she just wanted to expand her family—her love circle—adding a son and lots of new babies. And then poof! You’re gone. Her best friend is gone. Her days were organized around you, and now they are empty. You belong to another. You look to someone else to have your needs fulfilled, but she hasn’t traded one close bond for another—she is just alone and empty. She wants to share your joy. She knows better, but that doesn’t change the way she feels. She weaned you once. Now you must wean her. Let her down easy. Give her time to organize her life around other people and other things. Tell her you will call on a certain day every week and talk for an hour. It will help her if you will occasionally call for advice on any issue. Let her know she is valued for her wisdom. In short, let her know she is significant to you. But at the same time, never allow the family you have left, come between you and your husband. You should indeed “leave and cleave.” Again, my new book, Created to NEED a Help Meet, deals with this subject from the man’s perspective.

What Does “Cleave” Mean?

Following is a little Bible study on the word cleave: Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Cleave is an interesting word in Hebrew. It is dabaq and is used 54 times. Thirty-two times it is translated “cleave” in the English; five times it is translated “follow hard,” meaning someone is running and the other person is pursuing them, very intent on catching them and is right behind them, will not slacken his pace, and is near to grabbing them, stays with them, won’t let the person out of his sight, following hard after them. It is translated “overtake” three times, connoting that the pursuer followed after until he came along beside the person. Then it is translated “stick” three times as in two things sticking together. It is translated “keep fast,” don’t turn it loose. Then it is translated “together” two times, “abide,” as in stay there, one time, then “close” one time, “enjoined” one time, “pursued” one time, then “take” one time. So if we take all these together, what could we sum them up as? Cleave unto your wife means stay close together, be inseparable. It means mingle, follow hard, stay very close by, keep fast, hold on to, don’t turn loose, be near to your woman. So God commanded that man was to leave his father and mother, and cleave unto his wife only. “That thou mayest love the LORD thy God, and that thou mayest obey his voice, and that thou mayest cleave unto him …” (Deuteronomy 30:20). That is that same Hebrew word dabaq. Just as we are commanded to cleave to God, God commands us to cleave to our wife. It’s a sacred and a holy thing, the same word used with both God and wife, equating our passion for our wife with our passion for God. --- The next two questions and answers are taken from Mike’s new book, Created to NEED a Help Meet.

Honor to Whom Honor Is Due

Dear Pearls, How do we set boundaries gently while maintaining relationship and honor with our parents? My mother-in-law redecorates my home to her liking, meddles in our finances, belittles my husband, telling him he’s foolish to spend money this way and that. My other stepmother throws fits when we aren’t “fair.” Both women want 100% loyalty and subjection from us. My mother examines the kids for bruises and marks, and uses the “examination” as a tool to threaten calling the DHS when things don’t go her way. Help us. A Reader

Michael Answers

Dear Lady, God tells you to submit to your husband but there is nothing in the Bible that remotely suggests you should submit to your mother-in-law, and you need not respect her any more than she respects you. When she tries to “decorate” your house, tell her you are happy with it the way it is and sweetly decline. When she insists, you insist. When she gets huffy, keep your dignity and quietly ask her to leave and not come back in your house until she is willing to respect your domain. How could she meddle in your finances unless you give her the reigns? Gently tell her in so many kind words that it is none of her business. As to your mother examining the kids for bruising, I do hope you are not bruising them; if you are then you are out of control and need to seek counsel. But if her threats are an attempt to intimidate you into surrendering to her will, tell her in no uncertain terms that her visiting privileges are terminated until further notice. If I had a parent or in-law that without provocation threatened to call child protection on me, I would move to a different state and not leave any forwarding address. Where are the men to allow a cantankerous old battle-ax to intimidate the family?

Mice or Men?

You won’t believe this one, but I print it because it is a common absurdity.

Dear Michael, I am thirty years old. I would like to know when, if ever, is the authority of the old parents no longer in force over an adult son, especially if the mother is not in authority to her husband? Although I am not married, I have been on my own for many years, and I am well established in my career and ministry. My mother is a divorcee, so I have provided for her over the years. My dad has not been a part of my life for many years. Mother can be very spiritually manipulative. I have met a young woman whom I believe would make an excellent wife and mother to my children. She is not only a good choice, but she has my heart, and I believe I have hers. Her family is wonderful. They would be all for our marriage. My mother, on the other hand, does not like the idea. A while back, my mother did pick out a wife for me. She was sure this was the girl God had for me to marry. I was willing to talk to the girl’s parents, although I was not in any way attracted to her. As it turned out, the girl was already asked for and soon married. Do I, as a grown man, submit to my mother, or should she, a woman without a head, submit to me? The Last Straw

Michael Answers

Should you submit to her or should she submit to you? Neither. There is one statement you made that I do question. You said you were a “grown man.”

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Learning to Become a Multi-Colored Girl

Debi Pearl — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 11:00:31 +0000

A Call for All Young Women A lot has happened since the books Created to Be His Help Meet and Preparing to Be a Help Meet were published. Created has been translated into eight or ten languages and there have been thousands of Created and Preparing classes all over the world. We have received many letters from ladies and girls sharing what they have learned. Our most active blog is PreparingToBeAHelpMeet.com with girls and married ladies sharing what God has taught them. Through the letters and the blogs I have learned much that has helped me in addressing your needs. Here are a few examples. Men were created in God’s image. God breathed the breath of life straight into Adam. It is mind-boggling to think that mere man is in God’s own image. In effect, man is in the likeness of God. God feels, he thinks, and he loves just as does his creation. Just as Eve was created to meet a need in Adam, so we meet a need in God. That is strange to me. We all know that God is three persons, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We learned in Created to Be His Help Meet that, as men were created in God’s image, so each man predominantly expresses one of the three aspects of God’s image. As Adam was created in God’s image, Eve was created in Adam’s image. God could have shaped two clay figures and breathed life into both, but he chose to take the woman from the man’s own flesh and bone. I have come to see that tiered process as very significant, making it consistent with nature that the woman should be the helper in the chain of command. God did not create women as he did men, strongly fixed in one type or another. Being created in the image of man, we are more muted and flexible in our types. If a woman were a strong Command type married to Mr. Steady, that would cause terrible conflict in the marital relationship. If we were to attach colors to the three types, Command men would be red, the Steady man would be blue, and the Visionary would be yellow. Few men are a 100% pure type/color. Most men are one type with just a touch of another type to mellow him out. But this article is not about men, but rather about us girls and our adaptability of color. The woman was called to be her man’s helper, to fashion herself to be what he needs her to be. It is quite a calling. In order to do this a woman needs to be a kaleidoscope, a full array of color. One woman might be strong in red, but she also has all the other colors so that she can blend her life into that of her man. God provides us with all that we need to fulfill our calling. For example, at this time in my life as a Help Meet I am required to be a writer, office director, web planner, wife, grandmother and, last, but certainly not least, a country woman. If I had to give myself a color or type at this time in my life it would be a bright orange: half red, half yellow. I have been put into a role that requires leadership and creativity. As I was growing up my color was blue (servant) so I have had to adapt quite a bit. If I had married a different man I would likely not be a writer, an office director, web planner or a country woman. How different my life would have been! I might have married a factory worker who lived in the city. I could have lived my whole life in a rented apartment, worked as a domestic for extra income, and had just two children. I would have still loved the Lord because that is who I am, a lover of God. Most everything else in my life would have been different; what I learned, how I dressed, what I enjoyed, and where I went. I think that I would have grown potted plants full of herbs and salads on my balcony. My color would have been green, mostly blue but some yellow so that I might raise children strong in spirit. It would have been easy for me to have married a committed Southern Baptist minister. My color would have been purple, part blue to serve but part red to lead. It is a queenly color, as Baptists like their pastors’ wives to have dignity. I would have worn simple conservative suits, stockings, and slight heels, kept my hair done prim and proper, and my nails clean and painted. I would have been a Sunday School teacher, planned Vacation Bible Schools, and promoted my husband in his calling. I would have been a lover of God, because I love him. But I would have been a different lady, certainly not the country woman I am today. But then, I might have married an Amish-type-man, living plain, dressing plain, and speaking German. I would have never touched a computer, but spent my life having 12 children and working the land. You would never know me as me, but I would still be me, only I would be meshing into the man to whom I was a helper. I would still be a lover of God, because I love him, and in loving him I would have put forth an effort to honor God by honoring and reverencing my husband, as God has written in Ephesians 5:33, “…and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands” (1 Peter 3:1). When a girl marries a man she becomes a new person. She becomes his bride, his woman, his helper. It is God’s will that her life be fashioned to help him. If a girl comes into marriage knowing that she is equipped and appointed to be this one new person, then she can adapt and find fulfillment in her new self-expression. This past week the local Preparing class invited two older mothers to share their experiences in marriage. It was quite sobering, and some of the girls came away from class unnerved by the burdens of marriage. What the mothers wanted to convey to the girls was, “Learn now while you are young to honor your husbands. Learn patience to continue in your role as a Help Meet, and commit yourself to God now while you are young so you can avoid some of our trials and errors as we struggle to find our way.” Today’s culture, our own selfishness, and our lack of knowing God’s Word all play a part in making marriages miserable. What you learn as a young unmarried woman can change your life more completely than you can imagine. If you are wise you will learn to become a many-colored girl. Don’t say to yourself, “I am a Go-to Girl and not a Servant.” Rather say, “I am learning to be anything I need to be. I want to be a servant, I need to learn to lead and teach, and I will learn to be creative because my husband may need me to be all of these.” Practice being flexible in your likes and dislikes, how you feel about things, and what you hope to accomplish. Start striving to shape your life to help others, and hide God’s Words in your heart concerning becoming a wife. Lastly, make a written commitment to honor the man God provides for you. Choose a life’s verse that you write down on the cover of your Bible, one that goes along with your commitment. All these things will shape you for your coming marriage, enabling you to avoid the many pitfalls that entangle so many. Making yourself ready for any eventuality in your future marriage demands much practice if you want a glorious marriage.

The post Learning to Become a Multi-Colored Girl appeared first on No Greater Joy Ministries.

Lazy Husbands, Hungry Kids and Hopeful Wives

Michael Pearl — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 12:20:52 +0000

Dear Pearls, “Is it normal for wives of Visionary men to face homelessness? My husband has not worked at all for 2 years. Our car died and there is no money to fix it. Our savings are almost gone. We are very behind on our rent, and my husband has made it clear that he does not want me trying to get any kind of government assistance. Nor does he want me asking him any more work-related questions of any kind. He wants to work from home and will not consider doing any kind of other work to make ends meet. I am really trying to keep my mouth shut but am struggling as of late. We will be facing eviction soon. My parents live very close by and are aware that my husband is either sleeping or on the computer. My mom doesn’t say anything but often offers us food, which is well-received. I make a small amount of money working from home, but it is not enough to keep us afloat. “Should I just quietly allow this to happen to us? I wouldn’t worry about it so much if our children were not so young. They are 4, 2, and 1. My husband is not a Christian, but I love him and think he is a good man, but he is making me crazy! If you have any advice on what I can do, please let me know.”

Dear Sister, Your problem is part of a growing epidemic that can’t be blamed on the economy. God tells us in I Timothy 5:8, “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” In Micah 4:4, God reminds us, “But they shall sit every man under his vine and under his fig tree…” Clearly God meant for every man to work and provide for his household. So you and God are agreed, but that doesn’t mean your husband is going to jump up and get a job just because you tell him what God has said. So, what is a wife supposed to do? Basically nothing—nothing in word and nothing in deed. Just stay cheerful and loving. Your situation is better than most, for you have parents who, while not pushy, are willing to help. First, thank God for that wonderful mercy. The Apostle Paul dealt with this issue in the early church. He reminded the Thessalonica church, “For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies. Now them that are such we command and exhort by our Lord Jesus Christ, that with quietness they work, and eat their own bread” (2 Thessalonians 3:10–12). It is certainly not your responsibility to keep him from eating, but neither is it your duty to bail him out of his laziness. Tell your mom how much you appreciate her generous offerings of food, but ask her to give foods that only the little ones will eat. Make the food plain and basic. Slip over once a day with the children but without your husband and eat heartily. When there is no money available, allow your own kitchen cabinets to become bare. The best thing a woman can do is allow the situation to come to a head as quickly as possible. Don’t be an enabler by seeking further income. As long as he can keep the family together in any dwelling and provide food, continue to cheerfully follow his lead. But what if a worst case scenario develops and you are evicted and find yourself homeless with no place to go but the streets or a homeless shelter? That puts your children in danger. There is an example in Scripture that is often overlooked. In 1 Samuel 25 we read of a woman named Abigail who was married to a man who offended David by refusing to feed his hungry men. When Abigail heard what her husband had done, she knew their lives were in danger. So, without her husband’s knowledge, she directed the servants to prepare food for the 600 men and hastily deliver it. David received the food and readily acknowledged that she had saved him from shedding blood. When Abigail’s husband suddenly died of divine/natural causes, David took her to be his wife. If your husbands actions put your children in real danger—not just discomfort or inconvenience—you should protect the children by respectfully disobeying your husband. To broaden the subject for our readers, the same would be true if a drunken husband commanded a wife and children to ride in the car while he drove. Respectfully disobey. Likewise, if a husband commands a wife to leave her children in the care of questionable babysitters, follow your maternal instincts. If your present circumstances deteriorate to the point of homelessness, I suggest that you quietly arrange ahead of time for your parents to invite you and the children, but not your husband, to come and live with them. Let him live in a homeless shelter until he can provide a home for you and the girls. If he insists that you live with him on the streets, tell him your children come first and you will take them to your parents, dreaming of the day when he has a place for the family to be united. Perhaps you could have your parents invite him for dinner and a conjugal visit once a week but not to stay the night. Sometimes a man needs to lose his comfort zone (computer and TV) to appreciate his responsibility to maintain that zone. Most women make the mistake of jumping in and providing, and then they become bitter toward their lazy husbands. I know I am going to get a lot of flak for this. If you have a better answer, I would like to hear it. We will publish worthy answers that vary from my own. I am glad God made me a husband and not a wife. Every woman deserves to be loved and cherished, and every child deserves to be protected and nurtured. Some husbands deserve to be whipped, but that, dear lady, is God’s job, not yours.

The post Lazy Husbands, Hungry Kids and Hopeful Wives appeared first on No Greater Joy Ministries.

Preparing for His Obsession

Shalom (Pearl) Brand — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 12:10:55 +0000

Preparing oneself to be a help meet is a primary concern of every young girl hoping to become a wife and mother. She wants to be ready to be the best wife ever. I have never heard a young girl say, “When I get married, I am going to nag my husband until he hates me.” No, we all believe we will be the best when that day finally comes. Then we are married and have one child after another, maybe financial troubles, or a husband that is too busy working to appreciate all our sacrifices. It is easy to forget our former commitment to be a good help meet (properly fitted helper). We are now stuck in the tired doldrums of nagging because we are unhappy with our lot in life. We forget that God created us to honor and respect our husbands, no matter what. We come up with excuses like, “If he would just do this for me or lead his family the way God wants him to, then I would be happy.” Preparing to be a wife never ends. We must continue to learn and grow into what God has called us to be. We cannot forget to continue to prepare ourselves. I have seen many young girls get married with such joy and excitement, only to have their fantasy fall away a few short months later. Wives are shocked and become unhappy when they realize that he is no longer obsessed with just them as he was during the courting days and early marriage. Their husbands are now obsessed with video games, hunting, sports, some hobby, or just work. But as all of you veteran wives have learned, if you stand by your man, your life with him can become very rewarding. We have received so many great responses about how you have learned to respond to your husband’s obsessions. I, as a young wife, love to read what you have learned over the years so that I can be more prepared when things come up in my own marriage. My husband is quite obsessed with a great many things. Thankfully, I have always been right there with him to help him with each new adventure. I have to say, it has kept me PREPARING! Here are a few tips from you.

Dear NGJ,

The obsession article inquired, “What’s a lady to do?” It made me think of Proverbs 31. Certainly there is a list of quality counter-obsessions a woman could undertake and still be serving and available when her man comes home with rabbits to clean. In vs. 13, weaving, crocheting, knitting, quilting; vs. 14, meal preparation, trying new recipes, and investigating foreign cuisine; vs. 16, perhaps a new gardening endeavor, a vineyard, an orchard, an herb garden to keep your family healthy; vs. 18, a craft or trade that contributes to the family’s finances or food pantry; vs. 19, spinning, raising fiber, goats, or sheep; vs. 20, community service, church ministry, visiting the widows or those in need; vs. 21, making clothes; vs. 22, keeping herself and the home in order; vs. 24, making and selling garments, crafts, etc.; vs. 26, reading God’s word, developing a Bible study (or writing a book!) and taking time to share it with younger women, taking an online course or researching an area of interest through books or websites; vs. 27, managing all aspects of the home that your husband has entrusted to you, paying bills, keeping the books, following a budget (or developing one!); vs.28, developing relationships with your children by investing time in their interests.

Dear NGJ,

When I read the article entitled “Obsessions” in the latest No Greater Joy magazine, I had to laugh. I have been married for two years exactly as of this week, and I found out pretty quickly once we were married my husband was going to have more obsessions than just me. It’s helpful to know that other men are the same way. I’m going to start by saying that I did not, and sometimes still do not, have the best attitude about his “hobbies.” One of my husband’s greatest qualities is his ability to completely pour himself into anything he does. I have never seen him do a half-hearted job at anything and I admire that. It can be frustrating, however, when I want him to spend time with me and he’s too busy doing his best! The three things I try to do to not get frustrated with his obsessions are:

1. Learn to do it with him and learn to love it.

2. Watch him do it and help him if I can.

3. If I can’t do it with him or watch him do it, I find something productive to do while he’s gone.

If you would like to read more stories like this, ask a question, or share your own story about what you are doing right now to prepare yourself for your future husband, then join the conversation online at PreparingToBeAHelpMeet.com. There, we as wives and young girls can continue to prepare ourselves to be what God has called us to be. I look forward to each of your stories.

The post Preparing for His Obsession appeared first on No Greater Joy Ministries.

Obsessions

Debi Pearl — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 12:10:21 +0000

Men are a different sort of people that are very hard for us more emotionally balanced females to understand. To prove this statement I would like to bring to your attention one very bad male quirk. They become obsessed with something: their jobs, a project (meaningful or otherwise), a sport or hobby, or any number of “I'm too busy” projects. I know most of you ladies in our readership have assumed Mike is the perfect husband. I can't imagine what gave you that idea. Here is a true story of just what a rotten fellow he used to be. Now, forty years later, he has finally become a bit embarrassed about the dead, stiff, stinky rabbits. He has never actually said so, but I know. I can tell from the way he grins when the word “rabbit” happens to come up in any context. He has grown, but he is still given to obsessions. The year we married Mike was obsessed with rabbit hunting. He talked about it all week long and prepared for it for days. After the before-dawn-to-after-dusk hunt he spent the rest of the week recovering. I, being a new wife that had predetermined to be sweet, uncomplaining, and basically wonderful, tried to smile sweetly and tolerate his misuse of my loving self. But enough is enough; I'll skip the part where I lost my determination. By the day of the hunt Mike had already spent not just the previous three days getting ready, but also a good chunk of our very limited income making ready for his rigorous day of hunting. He explained he needed an abundance of 12-gauge shotgun shells and every accessory the store carried that pertained to rabbit hunting. On the chosen morning I just slept in, knowing that it would be a long lonesome day. I had no children to care for or distract me, we had no TV, and the web and DVDs would not be invented for decades. He took our only car, and we lived too far out of town to walk anywhere, so I was stuck. Rabbit hunting was only in season during the winter, so there was no gardening or other outside work. I mostly muddled around and wished I had a book to read. I read a lot during those days. About an hour after dark he would stumble in the door half-frozen, smelling like blood, guts, and other filthy things. He always—always—returned from the hunt with a blinding migraine headache. He never spoke as he handed me six or eight stiff carcasses. I knew by the motioning of his head he meant for me to do something proper with them. By that time the poor old rabbits had ridden on his hip for most of the day. They were ripe, foul, and disgusting. That was exactly how I was feeling. Hey, but I was a Created lady in the making and I was not going to let a small thing like being expected to skin and clean a few rotten rabbits (then figure out how to make them taste decent) deter me. After two or three hunts I knew the scenario. He first took something for his migraine and then a long soak in a deep hot tub. After that he was ready for a good hot meal, but only if I had finished cleaning the rabbits and gotten the awful odor out of the kitchen. For the next couple days I would wait on him hand and foot while he recovered, and then the process started all over again. Every year I was sure he would grow out of his obsession for rabbit hunting. Finally it happened. That was when he took up...well, that's another story. Why am I badmouthing my husband about something he did 40 years ago? Well, memories might be old, but so am I, and they are still there in my brain just as fresh as the day he handed me my first batch of six dead rabbits. I smile as I look back to those crazy days and I smile as I try to write to all you SANE females. I want you to know you are not alone in your quandary of having a husband that is too obsessed to do what he should be doing when he should be doing it. Let's face it: most men are given to obsessions, for even if they are good obsessions they are still obsessions. These obsessions come in many forms. Some are evil (I will not address these problems), but most obsessions are just an expression of the male’s will to conquer and dominate his environment. Many men, deprived of an environment where they can meet challenges in the real world, resort to watching someone else conquer on the field of sports. They know the names and the accomplishments of men who played years ago. Who could possibly care? They do. Some men like to fix up cars. Old cars, big trucks, fancy cars, weird vans, or even tractors. I'd be embarrassed. They’re not. Other men like to train animals, usually horses. This seems more “normal” to me, but not much. It still seems close to childishness. Some men are into hunting and fishing. The country boys where we live are mostly of this addiction, so it seems almost normal to me. And then there are those men who just like to work. Work is a sport, work is a challenge, work is fun. They don't necessarily want to run the company; they just like to see their contribution making a difference. They are movers and shakers. They have ideas and like to run with their ideas and make things happen in a big way, no matter how much they have to sacrifice. They see that what they do makes life better for a great number of people. Now, this kind of man seems stable to me. Alas, Mike was never in this particular category. Have I missed your man’s obsession? Well, feel free to write in your own paragraph. I am sure there are thousands of other strange things that capture the minds and hearts of men. It is not as if your man has a disease and is abnormal. Almost every male I know is or has at some time been afflicted with this obsessive-compulsive disorder. The big question is how we, as stable, hard-working, family-committed wives, respond to what feels to us like an unhealthy imbalance. I said it “feels to us like an unhealthy imbalance.” We can cultivate the feelings that cause us to criticize and feel self-pity, or we can change our Stinking Thinking and discover a balance that keeps us from becoming the Crazy Lady I described in Created To Be His Help Meet. The pity party will not win his affection or compliance, at least not the kind we desire. I veto this strategy. Another common approach is anger. I’ve tried this before. I am talking about a real fit-pitching, foot-stomping, “you get your act together or else” anger. Or else WHAT? You don’t even want to go there. Nip this one, too. I’ve even tried winning him away from his obsessions with my sweeter side. It distracted him for a few minutes; then he was back to being focused on his obsession. I was more irritated than ever. Then there is the idea to make him obsess over something that you want him to obsess over such as starting his own business or ministry. Most ladies would love their husband to obsess over the family. Don’t hold your breath. Some ladies want their husbands to move, get involved in the latest political crisis, or another dozen or so things we regularly hear in our letters. No matter how worthy your dreams, a man can’t obsess over your obsession. It is not in his nature. The sooner you learn that, the happier you both will be. What's a lady to do? Some ladies get a life. Sometimes it is the only remedy. The problem is that when he comes off his high, he wants you there to clean the road kill, and if you are too busy to be his help meet, then what you're doing is not good. Sad, is it not? So what is the answer? How does a woman stay loving, kind, and sane when her husband spends much of his life obsessed? I found an answer for me, but it would not work for all ladies. I worked with Mike, I learned to sort of enjoy his type of working and playing, and when I couldn't be a part of his obsession, I studied. I love learning, so it became my sidekick. I never signed up for classes. I went to the library and got books on many different subjects. That is how I knew how to run a business when God opened up the possibility of No Greater Joy Ministries. At a yard sale 15 years earlier I bought a set of tapes and books on the subject of managing a company. I studied while the kids slept. When To Train Up A Child was published, I was ready and able. The trouble is that not all women like to study, so my solution will not work for everyone. While I was contemplating and writing this article, my oldest son Gabe stopped at our house to borrow our four-wheeler to go pick up a deer he had killed an hour earlier. He seemed the right kind of man to ask (obsessed), so I said, “What can a woman do that would help her stay happy if her husband was obsessed with some project or sport or even work?” His reaction was classic. He threw back his shoulders and lifted his head, making him look seven feet tall, but he still looked guilty. “Why?” When I explained the unchallenging nature of my question, his stature relaxed and he had a ready answer. He said he knew a lady who was married to a man that was obsessed with working. Mr. Workaholic loved his line of work and could not leave if he was needed. So after his lady raised a houseful of kids, she took up a competitive sport and has become successful and satisfied. Not my cup of tea, but hey, it worked for her. This is all very amusing as I write, but I know there are women reading this article that are weeping because they feel so deprived of their husband’s love and attention due to his obsession. I wish I had an answer for more of you, but alas I don’t. But I know among our audience there are hundreds of ladies who found a way through this abyss. What was your solution? How did you maintain being a godly wife while your crazy husband worked or played too long, too much, and too hard? Do you have an answer for the thousands of frustrated wives out there who read our literature that need a way to make it through cheerfully and constructively? What have you done that could help others learn how to grow as a person so that they no longer need to control their husband’s man-thing of obsessing. If you have managed to break your husband’s spirit and turn him into a submissive, mindless robot, please don't write and tell us how you did it. I don't want to know. I am not looking for ways to change a man, break a man, destroy a man, or generally make a man into a woman. I am looking for ways you have found that caused you as a woman to grow to meet this challenge. My experience tells me that nearly all men, maybe all, have a tendency to obsess. This should ring a bell in your mind, a bell that says this is a natural man-thing. If that is so then God must have given females the means to have the woman-thing reaction that is both resourceful and constructive. The man-drive could have been put there for a number of reasons—good reasons. Survival has often depended on man being obstinately driven. Look how a man cuts firewood and stacks it for the winter, or how he gets a building project started and works night and day like his life depended on it. It may be a farm combine that must be fixed to get the crop in or just a motorcycle he is overhauling in the garage, but he is driven to ignore the clock and all things and people around him until he completes his job. It is the way of men, necessary in more trying and demanding times but often out of place in our modern world. Today, men are forced into cultures where the man-drive is not so necessary, but that doesn't make the drive go away. Of course, the Scripture teaches a man needs to learn temperance—but from God, not their wives. This article is not finished. I have deliberately left you hanging. I want your input. If you have some good ideas I may just publish it in your name, unless you indicate otherwise. So share with the other frustrated ladies how you adjusted to this man-thing of obsession. Our next article is going to encourage wives to grow, stretch and become a woman of character that stands to serve and honor her husband but also stands strong in her own drives and hopes. As long as your mind is focused on just tolerating his “problem” then you lack personal growth. The Scripture has an interesting way of bringing to our attention how we often can't see our own lacking. “Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?” (Matthew 7:4) Join the conversation at PreparingToBeAHelpMeet.com. We will be posting many of your letters there. Until then...just be thankful you’re not being handed six stiff, foul rabbits to clean. There’s always an upside. Your job is to find it.

The post Obsessions appeared first on No Greater Joy Ministries.

Preparing to Be a Help Meet—NEW BOOK!

Debi Pearl — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 12:10:01 +0000

Nearly every wife will confess that the first year or two of married life was…how shall I say it…a frustrating learning experience. Most girls spend plenty of time planning for their wedding, but make no preparation for the weeks and years to follow. Many wives are provoked to bitterness during the first year and never get over it. All this could so easily be avoided with simple instruction. It was with good reason God said let the aged women teach the younger. Trial and error is not the best teacher when it comes to marriage. It is much less painful to learn beforehand what God has to say about your role as a help meet to that special man God will bring into your life. It is the older women who have experienced the joys of a good marriage whom God has appointed to pass along his instructions. That is what I have done in this new book Preparing to Be a Help Meet. Preparing to Be a Help Meet contains six sweet love stories written by wives sharing their experiences about how God taught them to be the help meets they are today. Three of the stories are from wives that have been married over 40 years. Three stories are by new brides who, before marriage, were trained to be the help meet God intended. All the love stories are beautiful, and will show you how wonderful it is to walk together in God’s light. In addition to the six personal testimonies, this book is full of short stories from a wide range of cultural backgrounds. Funny tales, ideas of how to gain a good man’s attention, and even a tragic testimony all teach important lessons. You will meet “Grabbers” and “Hidden Flowers”, and discover how to avoid being either. The chapter on “Antsy Babes” will remind you why patience is so important. You will be warned as you read stories of how texting, emailing and other forms of cyberspace have destroyed many budding relationships and even marriages. An important part of this book is instruction on preparing for your future by saving money, developing skills, gathering information on cooking, health, and many other topics. Girls will see how one wise young woman planned her wedding God’s way. Along the way the reader will learn what to pack in her Heavenly Hope Chest. A shy girl—Hidden Flower—who has never had a man interested in her, will learn how to become visible to godly men. Brassy girls—Grabbers—will be shown a mirror so they will see how good men view pushy females. Impatient girls—Antsy Babes—will learn patience. Girls will be instructed on how young men seek out a wife and what they are looking for in a possible mate. They will discover what turns young men away and what causes a young man to consider a girl. In the last chapter, several men speak up to say what they really appreciate in their wives. And, of course, several single, wife-hunting males speak out here and there to give their opinion of what I have written. On a more sober note, the age-old question, “How do I know if this man is the will of God for me?” will be answered through Scripture, wisdom, and example. As I was finishing the manuscript, three young women read and evaluated Preparing to Be a Help Meet. They all said the book was captivating and that they would be better daughters and wives for having read it. Several married women who read the rough manuscript said of this new book that any lady that enjoyed Created to Be His Help Meet will LOVE Preparing to Be a Help Meet and they will learn as much from it as they did from Created. As the author, I believe the girl or married woman who reads Preparing to Be a Help Meet will close the book knowing that God answers prayer, that He wants to bless her and that marriage God’s way is indeed glorious. At the back of the book, my daughter Shalom Pearl Brand put together an extensive Teacher’s Guide. Shalom and Kristen Leonard taught a girls’ Preparing to Be a Help Meet class last winter using the book’s draft as it was being written. Through the teaching of the Word the girls grew into righteous young women. Some of the girls said they just didn’t understand that God meant for them to start being a Proverbs 31 female NOW, training to be a help meet before becoming one. Shalom used the notes from her class to put together the Teacher’s Guide. It has ice breakers to get the girls laughing and talking, questions from the chapter they are studying, verses to look up to see what God requires, and challenges to obey God. Anyone with a heart to do so could use these step by step directions to teach a Help Meet class for singles or married ladies. Even a young man reading this book can come to better understand how girls think and how better to approach a girl for marriage. So if any of you young men are wondering how…read and see! Move over, Created…here comes Preparing to Be a Help Meet.

Update

Preparing to Be a Help Meet is available for purchase from our web store as a book, or on audio as an MP3 CD or digital download. You can also order the book from NGJ by calling our toll-free order line 1-866-292-9936 (M–F, 8 am–5 pm CST). In August 2010, we launched a new website where all of you married and unmarried women can discuss the book and ask questions. Visit the official Preparing to Be a Help Meet website and join in the conversation!

The post Preparing to Be a Help Meet—NEW BOOK! appeared first on No Greater Joy Ministries.

What I Want in a Guy!

A Young Woman — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 11:15:28 +0000

These experiences have helped me figure out who I am today, and have been instrumental in showing me what I need in a husband. When I was 17, my cousins and friends, who are a few years older than I, all started getting married. So I naturally thought, “Well, I guess I should get married, too, because it seems to be the next step in life.” But the guy I would have married then and the guy I would marry now are two completely different types of men. I didn’t even know myself yet, much less what I should look for in a man. I think, as homeschoolers, we are raised with the idea that marriage is the next important step in the school of life. I believe that attitude limits a person. I want to do something significant with my life, including learning all I have a capacity to comprehend, all for the purpose of making an eternal difference. I encourage girls to think: What are your dreams, what do you want to do, what do you want to know? Get out and do something, whether it’s starting a business (which could include homemaking skills), or buying a piece of land. Go help out a missionary for six months. It will give you a whole new outlook on life and an appreciation for missionaries! It will grow you, give you more confidence, and help you figure out what you need in a husband. Every man is attracted to a woman who’s busy with abundant life, someone who is on the front side of making things happen. Years ago I was chatting with a married couple who are good friends of mine, and who know me well. They helped me to figure out what I, personally, needed in a man. I wrote a list that day of five things I most need in a man! 1. I know that I need a Strong Leader who’s not going to let me shove him around. I want someone who is going to stand up and be the man! 2. Yet I need someone who is Open-minded, who will listen to all my crazy theories about life! 3. He needs to be Passionate, so that whatever he does, he does it with a fire under his boots! 4. I want him to be Spontaneous, full of zeal about life, and not afraid to jump into an adventure. I am a very enthusiastic person, and I love to do things on the spur of the moment. I want to marry someone I can jump on board with! 5. And I must have a man who Loves and Honors God and is already actively serving the Lord and has a deep-seated vision for life.

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