No Greater Joy Ministries » Singles

Only One Life

Ben Sargent — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:01:39 +0000

Man, it’s quiet around here. Deafening actually. Mansquared, the baby of the family, left a week ago today for his first semester at a four-year college. He gained that moniker, Mansquared, from his big brother Firstborn because, well, he’s as strong as any two men multiplied. Firstborn’s a sizable fellow as well, just a tick under six-feet-five and an established military man. He finished his degree in political science and is now improving the world by making us all safer, having just completed his second deployment in a faraway land. Two mighty men, almost ten years apart, who have kept their virtue. Oh, and we also raised three virtuous daughters as well, who, thankfully, look like their mother. Our eldest daughter Punkin’ and her husband Mr. Perfect are busy raising two sons with a third grandbaby on the way. As singles they both served the Lord as missionaries, and did so again as a married couple. Our middle daughter Peaches is the family brainiac and an English fanatic (another trait she gained from her mother), who super-achieves in all she endeavors to accomplish, and who glorifies the Lord with her violin. And then there is Miss Gail. She is the family artist. Only God himself could give talent like she possesses from two parents who can’t draw a box if you spot them the first three sides. She can draw a picture that looks like a photograph, or a caricature of it, too, if she’s in the mood. All five children have honored the Lord in foreign missions as well as in the local assemblies where they have lived. And we couldn’t be more pleased. As my friend Donny has said many, many times, “We didn’t have ‘em to keep ‘em.” But man, it’s quiet around here. We sure didn’t have them to keep them. We just didn’t realize that 28 years was going to go by so quickly or that the quiet would be so incredibly loud. The boys aren’t playing their guitars, Peaches her violin, or Miss Gail the piano. Punkin isn’t directing traffic in the kitchen or challenging anyone to follow her on the next mission trip to…wherever. “The Lord will provide!” she would say, and sure enough, he would. No one is asking, “Daddy, what does it mean if your car…” There’s just quiet.

“The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:4

Too often this is where Mom and Dad look at one another and think to themselves, “Who on earth are you?” They raise kids until their tongues are hanging out from exhaustion and lose sight of each other. Even worse, they lose sight of their first ministry, which is to each other. 1 Corinthians 7:4 says, “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” Serving one another and caring for one another can easily be lost if raising the kids becomes the priority in the home. Worshipping God and honoring him should be the priority. When that is done, then Mom and Dad have the opportunity to rally together to bring up the children in the “…nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Eighty percent of leadership is our personal example. We wanted our children to know we loved one another and that we were still in love. There was that and, well, we wanted to stay in love. We wanted to be like that couple we saw when we were traveling. We were young with all of our stair-step children. The couple was not young, but they held hands. And they matched colors. They looked at each other with their age spots through their watery eyes with utter adoration. As we approached them with our little herd they stopped, looked up at us, and the old man said, “You’re so rich!” I said, “So are you, to still be in love.” The old lady proudly proclaimed, smiling, “We still work at it,” and I could see that was true. So we worked at it—worked hard at times, and at others just enjoyed the fruits of our efforts. Our first night alone I said, “Well, we did it. We raised a family.” She put her head on my shoulder and said, “Dad, that was fast.” It was indeed. And now as the deafening quiet has set in (at least we can finally hear each other!) we look at one another with hearts broken from joy that we had such a wonderful privilege, but with equal joy that we got there together, in love. - Ben Sargent (life-long friend of the Pearls)

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It’s Time

Debi Pearl — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 02:07:04 +0000

In just a few years, the story on pages 315-318 of the Good & Evil book has been repeated in the lives of millions of people in over 40 different language groups. In America families are buying cases of Good and Evil books and sending them to prisons. Every day we get stacks of letters from prisoners rejoicing that they have been forgiven. Many of these men continue to give the gospel to those behind bars. Today in the Philippines, one such ex-prisoner goes to three schools each week giving the gospel message, showing a gospel film, and then giving out a handful of Good and Evil books. He unashamedly begs for more books, saying he could reach so many more teens if he only had more books available. We sent three church members over to visit him this fall, and they said the Muslim teenagers beg for the books because there is so little printed literature in their language. All three men felt we should make the sacrifice to have more Good and Evil books printed, since this man and his family are pouring out their lives in poor conditions to get the gospel out. “Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much” (Luke 7:47a). Other families are taking Good and Evil to Interstate underpasses in cities like Dallas where new refugees gather to visit each other. People who speak other languages are, for the first time, hearing the wonderful gospel right here in the USA. One such family that goes to these new refugees is reaching so many people, they are frustrated that they have to take precious time out to go to work every day. They wish they could spend all day—every day—giving out Good and Evil books and sharing other literature with these people groups. They are full-time missionaries while being just plain-old folks trying to make a living. Anyone looking for a missionary to support? I would recommend this family. You could offer to have the Good and Evil books printed to reach whatever language group they are working with. Eternal dividends guaranteed. Our ministry could never have gone beyond these hills of Tennessee without help. But God started a ball rolling almost 20 years ago by having Mike, an unknown nobody, write a simple child training book. With one advertisement, we became international authors. You KNOW that was God. Then a few years later we wrote a book on marriage that went viral, and suddenly we had money to use in missions. God reached down to the least of us and gave us a vision of reaching the entire world with his message of salvation. It was a huge task. It took seven years, and the devil fought us every step of the way. But now we are gaining momentum. Prisons are being transformed from bloody repositories of the worst of humanity to places where gospel songs ring from every cell. Entire people groups have the message. In once-closed nations, people who had never heard the name of Jesus are now sitting cross-legged at the doors of their huts, listening to Good and Evil being read while carefully studying the pictures. His name is being proclaimed and glorified. This vision of reaching the world with written missionaries can no longer be sustained by NGJ. It has grown too large. God gave us the command to “Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.” You can make this happen by giving to get a new language in print, by reprinting where there is a need, or by taking the gospel message yourself to someone who has never heard. It’s time to join the fight.

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The Box

Author unknown — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 02:06:12 +0000

I remember a day one winter that stands out like a boulder in my life. The weather was unusually cold, our salary had not been regularly paid, and it did not meet our needs when it was. My husband was away much of the time, travelling from one district to another. Our boys were well, but my little Ruth was ailing, and at best none of us were decently clothed. I patched and re-patched, with spirits sinking to the lowest ebb. The water gave out in the well, and the wind blew through the cracks in the floor. The people in the parish were kind and generous too; but the settlement was new, and each family was struggling for itself. Little by little, at the time I needed it most, my faith began to waver. Early in life I was taught to take God at His word, and I thought my lesson was well learned, I had lived upon His promises in dark times, until I knew as David did, “who was my Fortress and Deliverer.” Now a daily prayer for forgiveness was all that I could offer. My husband’s overcoat was hardly thick enough for October, and he was often obliged to ride miles to attend some meeting or funeral. Many times our breakfast was Indian cake, and a cup of tea without sugar. Christmas was coming; the children always expecting presents. I remember the ice was thick and smooth, and the boys were each craving a pair of skates. Ruth, in some unaccountable way, had taken a fancy that the dolls I had made were no longer suitable; she wanted a nice large one, and insisted on praying for it. I knew it seemed impossible, but oh! I wanted so very much to give the children the presents they each longed for. It seemed as if God had deserted us, but I did not tell my husband all this. He worked so earnestly and heartily. I supposed him to be as hopeful as ever. I kept the sitting room cheerful with an open fire and tried to serve our scanty meals as appealingly as I could. The morning before Christmas, James was called in to see a sick man. I put up a piece of bread for his lunch – it was the best I could do – wrapped my plaid shawl around his neck, and then tried to whisper a promise as I often had, but the words died away upon my lips. I let him go without it. That was a dark, hopeless day. I coaxed the children to bed early, for I could not bear their talk. When Ruth went to bed, I listened to her prayer. She asked for the last time most explicitly for her doll, and for the skates for her brothers. Her bright face looked so lovely when she whispered to me. “You know I think they’ll be here early tomorrow morning, Mama.” I thought then that I would move heaven and earth to save her from the disappointment. I sat down alone that night and gave way to the most bitter tears. Before long James returned, chilled and exhausted. He drew off his boots: the thin stockings slipped off with them and his feet were red with cold. I wouldn’t treat a dog this way, let alone a faithful servant!” I said bitterly. Then as I glanced up and saw the hard lines in his face and the look of despair, it flashed across me – James had let go, too. I brought him a cup of tea, feeling sick and dizzy at the very thought. He took my hand and we sat for an hour without a word. I wanted to die and meet God, and tell Him His promise wasn’t true; my soul was so full of rebellious despair. There came a sound of bells, a quick stop, and a loud knock at the door. James sprang up to open it. There stood Deacon White. “A box came by express just before dark,” he said. “I brought it round as soon as I could get away. Reckon it might be for Christmas. ‘At any rate,’ I said, ‘they shall have it tonight.’ Here is a turkey my wife asked me to fetch along, and these other things I believe belong to you.” There was a basket of potatoes and a bag of flour. Talking all the time, he carried in a box, and then, with a hearty goodnight, he rode away. Still without speaking, James found a chisel and opened the box. He drew out first a thick red blanket, and saw that beneath was full of clothing. It seemed at that moment as if Christ fastened on me a look of reproach. James sat down and covered his face with his hands. “I cannot touch them,” he exclaimed; “I haven’t been true, just when God was trying me to see if I could hold out. Do you think I could not see how you were suffering? And I had no word of comfort to offer. I know now how to preach the awfulness of turning from God.” “James.” I said, clinging to him, “don’t take it to heart like this; I am to blame, I ought to have helped you. We will ask Him together to forgive us.” “Wait a moment, dear, I cannot talk now,” he said, then he went into another room. I knelt down, and my heart broke; in an instant all the darkness, all the stubbornness rolled away. Jesus came again and stood before me, but with the loving words: “Daughter!” Sweet promises of tenderness and joy flooded my soul. I was so lost in praise and gratitude that I forgot everything else. I don’t know how long it was before James came back, but I knew he, too, had found peace. “Now my dear wife,” he said, “let us thank God together.” He then poured out words of praise; Bible words, for nothing else could express our thanksgiving. It was 11 o’clock, the fire was low, and there was the great box, and nothing touched but the warn blanket we had so desperately needed. We piled on some fresh logs, lighted two candles, and began to examine our treasures. We drew out an overcoat; I made James try it on. It was just the right size and I danced around him, for all my lightheartedness had returned. There was a warm suit of clothes also, and three pairs of woolen hose. There was a dress for me, and yards of flannel; a pair of arctic overshoes for each of us, and in mine was a slip of paper. I have it now, and mean to hand it down to my children. It was Jacob’s blessing to Asher, “Thy shoes shall be iron and brass, and as thy days, so shall thy strength be.” In the gloves, evidently for James, the same dear hand had written, “I, the Lord thy God, will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, ‘Fear not, I will help thee.’” It was a wonderful box, and packed with thoughtful care. There was a suit of clothes for each of the boys and a little red gown for Ruth. There were mittens, scarves, and hoods; and down in the center, a box. We opened it and there was a great wax doll. I burst into tears again; James wept with me for the joy. It was too much; and then we both exclaimed again, for next we drew out two pairs of skates. There were books for us to read; some of them I had wished to see; stories for the children to read; aprons and underclothing; yards of ribbons; a lovely photograph; needles buttons and thread; and an envelope containing a ten-dollar gold piece. At last we cried over everything we took up. It was past midnight, and we were faint and exhausted with happiness. I made a cup of tea, cut a fresh loaf of bread and James boiled some eggs. We drew up the table before the fire – how we enjoyed our supper! And then we sat talking over our life and how sure a help God always proved to be. You should have seen the children the next morning. The boys raised a shout at the sight of their skates. Ruth caught up her doll, and hugged it tightly without a word. Then she went into her room and knelt by her bed. When she came back she whispered to me, “I knew it would be there, Mama, but I wanted to thank God just the same, you know.” “Look here, wife,” cried James. We went to the window and there were the boys out of the house already, and skating on the ice with all their might. My husband and I both tried to return thanks to the church in the East that sent us the box and have tried to return thanks unto God every day since. Hard times have come again and again, but we have trusted in Him; dreading nothing so much as a doubt of His protecting care. Over and over again we have proved that, “They that seek the Lord shall not want any good thing.”

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PreparingToBeAHelpMeet.com

Shalom (Pearl) Brand — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 02:04:35 +0000

From a writer on the blog: We just got the Sept/Oct NGJ today. My interest was definitely piqued when I read Shalom’s article. I really did not know what things were like outside of my (rural farming) area. It’s frightening to hear that it is somewhat the same in other places…I know of so many WONDERFUL Christian young ladies in their late 20s who are still waiting for their man to come along, and it makes me think—if these amazing girls are not married, then how would I ever have a chance at finding a husband? I have to say, reading the article was very depressing, mostly because it corroborated what I’ve already seen and didn’t want to admit. I got to thinking—is there any way that we gals can help to remedy this situation? I know that the most important thing is prayer; we must pray for godly men to be raised up, young men who are ready to raise a family. But what else could we do? I also was thinking perhaps I am too picky. Could that be part of the problem? Am I expecting these young men to be spiritual giants while I excuse my own faults? Another thing—if there are no mature young men around us, should we gals then settle for someone we think would be less than ideal? (I’m talking about rational concerns now, not just girlish whims.) I really want to be married someday…I mean REALLY. It is depressing then when I survey this state of affairs! I’m sure most of you girls know how I feel! It is even harder in my area, because there really are not that many men period, let alone “marriage material” guys! (I guess that’s why I should be going to the Texas Shindig!) From Shalom: Hi, girls, I think I need to expand or explain my article “Where Are the Men?” since so many are talking about it on the blog. (By the way, the Preparing blog site will be down for a few weeks while it is being revamped so that married ladies can write on one site and single girls on another.) Anyway, back to the article I wrote. I knew I needed to say something, but I didn’t get my message across completely. I just see so many girls waiting around for Mr. Right, and that is not what God has called young ladies to do. 1 Corinthians 7:34 says, “There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” Yes! God created us to be a help meet to our own husbands, but he also wants those that are unmarried to be actively serving him. Notice he says, “The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord.” Just as the married woman cares for her husband (thinks about what he wants, serves him), the unmarried woman cares for the things of the Lord—thinks about what He wants, and serves Him. Neither instance of caring is a passive, sit-around-the-house-and-contemplate sort of thing. Both types of women are actively working and serving the one whom they care for. Most of the girls I know care more about getting married than they do about serving God. You said, “maybe I am too picky.” I do believe that is true at times, but we all want the best God has for us (check out the “Small Flame” video. My dad writes in the booklet, To Betroth or Not to Betroth, “A person that lives his life by his own best devices and does not get daily guidance from God has no right to expect anything special when it comes to marriage.” If we are not obeying Scripture and actively caring for the things of the Lord, then how do we expect to meet that special man that God has for us? I heard a story last week about a girl who was in Africa ministering. There were only native people around. She was where God wanted her, and do you know what? A fine Christian man came there to minister, not knowing that she was also there, and they soon married. I heard another story not long ago of a young girl who went to work in an orphanage in Mexico and was there for several years with no prospects of marriage. But a young man came to work there, and they were soon married. I believe these ladies are getting God’s best, don’t you? You asked, “What else could we do?” I do think we can do something about the lack of God-fearing men out there. In chapter one of Preparing to Be His Help Meet, Mom (Debi Pearl) wrote about praying—not for you to find a husband, but that God would raise up men to serve him. I know several young men who would make wonderful fathers and great husbands, and who are very hard working, but they are not saved. These men are just good guys, raised by good, hard-working, country parents, but the young men do not know the Lord. There are lots of good guys out there who were not raised in a God-fearing home, but if they were to get saved, they would make a difference in this world. So I want you girls to do two things: (1) Start caring for the things of the Lord, and (2) start praying that God will work in the hearts of young men around the world. If you want to be inspired by a young lady’s walk in serving the Lord, google “Kisses from Katie.” — Shalom

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Go, and Sneer No More

Debi Pearl — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 02:02:24 +0000

Over the last 40-plus years, we have watched couples fall in—and out—of love. In many cases, the ones we were certain would make it did not, and those we thought would surely end in divorce thrived in love. So what’s the secret? There are many dynamics in marriage that make it fail or flourish, but over the years there is one underlying element that has proven to be the deal maker or breaker. I don’t know if it is the cause or the symptom, but it is a certain marker…sitting in the seat of the scornful. A family full of scorn is a family headed for ruin, for scorn is the soul in decay. It is finding fault and deriding the failures of others while believing oneself to be somewhat better. The family piles into the family van to head home from church, and within seconds Mom speaks. “God help us, Mrs. Don’s makeup is so brazen it’s embarrassing.” The children register their mom’s remark while their minds take them back two minutes to when Mom stood by the van laughing and talking with Mrs. Don as if they were best friends. Mrs. Don has often entertained the children and done other nice things for their family, but… Dad interrupts, “That d@# preacher needs to learn to tell time. The deacons have warned him several times, but he doesn’t know when to shut up.” The kids see their mother’s instant disapproval for Daddy using the D-word. They know that mama reeeeally likes the preacher because she calls him every time Daddy does something bad. Something uglier than damn has taken hold of the children—it is called disrespect. And the disrespect in the children’s souls is not confined to the preacher or Mrs. Don; it is becoming a part of their worldview, and it will be directed toward the parents soon enough. Mom thinks her glance of condemnation will clear the air, but instead it further tears down the family. The next time she seeks the preacher’s advice, the children will sneer. Teenage sister is giggling with brother, “Did you see those geeky shoes Sara had on? Man, I would die before I would walk around looking like that. She is such a dork.” Sara is sister’s best friend, or at least she used to be. “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful” (Psalm 1:1). Note the digression from walking to standing to sitting. The practice of scorning quickly becomes a permanent post. As a general rule, the disease of scorning is most prominent in Christians who deem themselves most separate in doctrine and righteousness. Just as none are so obnoxious about diet as the health-food nuts, none are so obnoxious about lifestyle as fundamentalist Bible-believers and elitist homeschoolers who deem themselves above common practitioners. This is bad because being scornful has a huge negative impact throughout life. All that church-going homeschooling parents try to pour into their children will be cancelled out with this one bad habit of scorning. Children who grow up in a family where scorning is common will be molded into a worldview that will shape their choice of spouse, the way they relate in marriage, and the way they raise their children. A young girl who grows up hearing scorning will become a scorning wife. The first time her husband is a jerk—and he will be—she will resort to the lower instincts she has learned and scorn instead of pray and forgive. Her new husband will experience scorn instead of biblically mandated reverence. The equation reads like this: Her scorn = his lack of love. When they come for counsel, she will demand that he love her as Christ loved the church, and he will sheepishly tell us it is hard to love her, and we will know why. How can a man truly love a woman who treats him with disdain and disapproval? The recipe for a good marriage doesn’t include a pinch of scorn. But the husband may have come from a scorning family, so he will have scorned her family before they were married, which makes her feel justified in her contempt toward her husband. This equation reads like this: disrespect breeds disrespect, or scorn brings on deeper scorn. And like Thanksgiving turkey, it becomes a family tradition. One reason scorn, and thus divorce, has skyrocketed is the diminishing of community. People once lived and died around the same group of friends and family. People had to learn to treat their lifetime neighbors with some degree of respect. When you knew a girl might grow up and bear your grandkids, you learned to hold your ridicule if she appeared to be a little dumb. If you thought a boy could grow up and marry your daughter, you didn’t want him labeled too poorly. In that era, self-preservation depended upon the advancement of everyone within the circle. Everybody in the community was important to the community as a whole, and faults were better tolerated for the well-being of all. As a child, I knew of a family that had six daughters. The only thing I can remember about this highly intelligent, correctly religious, successful pastor’s family was the constant run of ridicule that prevailed in his household, usually directed toward a church member for being stupid, ugly, or messy. The pretty girls all married, divorced, remarried, and divorced again. Pastor Dad finally got involved in an affair, bringing his marriage to an end as well. Blessed is the family…that sitteth not in the seat of the scornful. Many of you reading this were raised around a table of scorn. You will most likely marry spouses from families that nit-picked their church members as they drove away from church each week. Or perhaps it was the previous church that they carefully dismembered. The infectious disease of mockery takes its toll. Usually the ridicule will not be harsh and is not meant to be cruel; it takes the form of offhanded remarks said in order to disparage the other. Perhaps the most damaging type of denigration for a child is when he thinks that his parents truly like and respect someone, and then as soon as they get in the car he hears the parents’ disdain for that person. Raining down dishonor on the teacher or preacher who is teaching the child the Bible will cause the child to lose his reverence for God and will surely lead to the child’s rejection of God. It doesn’t matter if the preacher deserves the reviling; is the venting worth the damage done in the heart of your child who heard you give your “spiritual” opinion? This two-faced diet breeds more of the same. Critical spirits don’t have just one home; they migrate and multiply like seed ticks. Wife against husband, husband against wife, and then children against parents; and when sin is conceived, it will keep your teenager from ever developing a healthy fear of God. Without fear of God there will be no wisdom. Fools—that’s what you will be raising. “How long, ye simple ones, will ye love simplicity? and the scorners delight in their scorning, and fools hate knowledge?” (Proverbs 1:22). So in the end, you might save your marriage if you happen to have married someone who doesn’t equal you in sneering, but unless someone else intervenes, your children will bear your sin and pass it on to your grandchildren. The moral of the story: Go, and sneer no more. ~ Debi

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Don’t Give Up on the Prodigal

Michael Pearl — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 20:21:48 +0000

The promise is clear: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” And the promise is certain. But I know many of you have older children who have departed from the way you intended them to go. You have questioned, “Is the promise really true, or is it like divine healing—rare and only available to those who have great faith?” Or you may question yourself, “Where did I go wrong? I took them to church and provided a godly example, but an evil outside influence slithered in and stole away my child’s virtue and integrity. How could I have foreseen the threat and stopped it?” Then again, you may be of the sad number whose child descended into a state of rebellion and turned on you, accusing you of hypocrisy, and screaming, “If you are a Christian, I don’t want to be one.” This is not going to be another article where I rebuke you for your hypocrisy. I have done that enough, and it is too late to undo the damage done to the wayward prodigal. But I do want to encourage you to not quit; don’t give up on the errant one. Sometimes getting out from under parents’ roof is the path to repentance. It doesn’t take long for 20-year-olds to discover that the world is full of hypocrisy and darkness—worse than what they found at home. “As if a man did flee from a lion, and a bear met him; or went into the house, and leaned his hand on the wall, and a serpent bit him” (Amos 5:19). There were good times at home, and in times of loneliness and need he will remember them. Just like you, he will have doubts about himself and wonder if he made the right choice. He will mature and learn that humanity is indeed frail and that “every man at his best state is altogether vanity” (Psalm 39:5). Life will force him to discover his own weaknesses and hypocrisy. He will fail to live up to his purist’s values and judge himself to be no better than you. If he did indeed have a time in his youth when he respected his parents and honored their God, a time when life was sweet and carefree, he will look back with fondness and decry his loss. In his pain he will go back in his memory and wish for those days again. In his mind, the good memories will conflict with his more recent memories of your constant criticism and dissatisfaction. The lack of fulfillment he experienced in the home after he got to be a “problem child” will overshadow everything for a while, but when he “begins to be in want” (Luke 15:14) and seeks help from his friends, and they send him “into the field to feed swine,” and no one loves him like Mama did when he was young, he will come to himself, swallow his pride, and come home—not to stay, but to be loved and appreciated, to be with people who care. Now you will play a part in his recovery. First I am going to tell you how to guarantee that he not only keeps feeding the swine but eats with them and eventually lies down to stay with them. It is the easiest thing you could ever do. It is all about attitude. Just make sure that in any contact you have with him, let him know how wrong he is and indicate you think he is shiftless and worthless. Or better still, point out how he has embarrassed the family and let him see that you are ashamed of him. It will help if when he comes to visit, his hair is purple and orange and he has lots of piercings and tattoos. Look thoroughly disgusted and offended. If he brings a girlfriend home, one that looks like she is a nine-time reject, be sure to treat her with disdain and contempt. Ignoring her will really make him hot. That first visit home will be his attempt to prove to himself and his girlfriend that his parents are not worth the time. Deep inside there is a desire to be loved and accepted by his family, but his pride motivates him to throw his sin in your face as a test of that love. It will be easy to get rid of him once for all. Just be what you were before he left. You say you have changed? I can offer you indicators of how you will in fact respond when he shows up. If you have been humbled by your loss of a child to the world, and you accept the blame and you no longer have critical feelings toward him but rather a heart that is broken and longing to be restored, you will indeed motivate him to repent and reunite with the family. But if there is bitterness in your heart and the feeling that he has hurt you and the family, you will drive the wedge much deeper and send him back to the swine to feed. If you, like Jesus looking over wayward Jerusalem, weep for your lost child, your tears can wash away his pride and rebellion, but if you, like Satan, are an accuser of the brethren, you will dump a pile on him that will keep him underground until you are old and grey and he drops by unexpectedly to see Mama one last time before she dies. There is hope, but that hope must be in your heart if it is going to become a reality. If you daily pray for your prodigal you cannot daily despise him. You may get just one chance to turn him around, and he will see that opportunity in your eyes and hear it in your tone. Get your heart right today and your words will be right the next time you face your prodigal. “…for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things” (Matthew 12:34–35). When you pray your heart treasures up good things. You will need a heart full of good thoughts when the prodigal comes down the dusty road dragging his baggage. “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things” (Philippians 4:8). Remember the prodigal’s father in Luke 15; he was looking for his son and saw him when he was yet a great way off. Running down the road to receive him with open arms, he commanded the servants to bring the best robe and shoes and a ring for the finger of his returning son. The father killed the special fatted calf and invited all the neighbors to a coming home party where they would share his joy at the returned prodigal. Go, and do thou likewise.

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Homeschool to Blackhawk

Marc Cohen — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 12:15:08 +0000

As I sat at my desk struggling with Saxon algebra ½, wondering what a dangling participle was and fearing the “new” homeschool diet my mom was about to test on us, I certainly didn’t think that a few years later I’d be sitting in an $8 million aircraft learning how to avoid radar- guided missiles. Since most of my friends were homeschooled and didn’t know a fist bump from a frat party, I wasn’t too focused on spending the next four years of my life in the halls of higher learning. But things seemed to change after I finished that stage after high school, where a boy likes to jump off tall things and break bones. Did I really need a degree to start a career? Did McDonald’s really have a retirement package? For those of you who aren’t content with a cubicle or helping your mom knit doilies on your 25th birthday, I may be able to help. I had a desire. I loved flying and everything related to it. God blessed me with parents who drove me to the ends of the earth so I could get that hour in the rusty old airplane or go to that pancake fly-in and meet a “real” pilot. If God’s given you a natural talent for something and a passion to do it, maybe that’s His cue. It’s not always a thundering voice from heaven. I didn’t really know exactly what I wanted to do, but I knew I needed to work hard to get it. I couldn’t rely on an $80,000 piece of paper from the state university telling others I was good at basket weaving. So instead of that, after high school I got a lot of life experience that definitely helped me get to where I am now. I worked many different jobs; I went into the woods for weeks, went on long hikes and figured out where my breaking point was. That’s not something a tenured professor can transfer into your soul. I did everything from teaching flying and delivering boxes for UPS to driving the Amish to market. It wasn’t glorious, but it was valuable, and I had a résumé. I had more than two letters behind my name. So when I looked into flying helicopters for the Army, the “undergraduate degree” required to become an officer didn’t daunt me too much. Only a handful of people are selected, and pilots make up about 0.2% of the entire Army. When it came time for my interview with a colonel and a few majors, I heard it could take up to an hour to impress them. Mine lasted about four minutes. They said they were tired of seeing unemployed history majors with nothing to offer and were always looking for people with real life experience. And it only got easier after that. I finished at the top of my class in boot camp and was an honor graduate in primary flight training and the Blackhawk course. Yes, the vast majority of pilots have degrees, but they also have $60,000 of unpaid student loans and nowhere jobs in their field. I had a passion to fly and to serve our country and a degree didn’t stand in my way. Now, with so many alternatives to traditional college it almost seems pointless to lock yourself into four years of classes you don’t really need, with people who won’t help your career at all. Granted, there are many fields that require a four-plus year degree, but most can be done online or with distance programs that build a degree for you. Distance learning and real life experience are where it’s at. God gives us the dream and desire, but we have to be the owner, coach and cheerleader to get it done. If you haven’t finished high school yet, or you’re in those awkward few years after and you just don’t know what to do, do anything that pushes you to the limit. You have stiff competition with the masses of scholared folk these days, and, as for me, I never regretted taking the jump off the edge. Marc Cohen is the youngest son of Mel and Pat Cohen. Mel serves No Greater Joy as the General Manager.

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Poor Miss Loveless & Her Sister

Debi Pearl — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 11:15:41 +0000

Question:

Dear Mrs. Debi, I love your new book, Preparing to Be a Help Meet. I was deeply affected by the phrase, “I can think of nothing I want more than someone to truly love me.” I am a 27-year-old homeschooled girl. My older sister and I have no reason to believe marriage is in sight. Mom is a wonderful person, but still believes it is her total responsibility to guide and protect us as if we were still children. This might be fine and good, but the years have passed and Mom is so much in our faces and controlling toward the few Possibilities that have come our way that if things continue status quo I suspect we will remain old maids. Mom doesn’t see this as bad. “After all,” she says, “it is better to remain a vessel for God than to marry an unrighteous man.” That is easy for her to say. Mom’s spiritual talk is her way of reminding us what a loser Dad is. Dad is a long way from being the Apostle Paul, but then Mom is no ministering angel toward him. That is another subject and their problem…unless mine and my sister’s loveless and childless fate is perpetuated by their sin. My question is this: What can we do? Are we really rebellious when we want to be adults making our own decisions? Can a saved parent hold a grown child back from having a life that God would freely give? What does the Bible say? If we are free, then how do we find these Possibilities? Or have them find us? ~Just call me Miss Loveless

Answer:

Dear Miss Loveless and her Loveless Sister, What a sad state you find yourself in. Maybe a little Bible information will shed some light on your plight. God clearly reveals the age when one becomes an autonomous adult. Is this the age of accountability? It is far more than that. The phrase “twenty years old and upward” appears 132 times in the Scripture. God gives twenty years old as being the beginning of a man’s independent responsibilities toward Him in worship: Exodus 30:14, “Every one that passeth among them that are numbered, from twenty years old and above, shall give an offering unto the LORD.” The twenty-year-old was no longer covered by his family’s sacrifice. In Numbers chapters 1–3, God says many times, “number the names of every male from twenty years old and upward, all that were able to go forth to war:” It is most significant that when a man reached the age of twenty, he was counted as an independent family separate from his father. Number 1:18 says, “And they assembled all the congregation together on the first day of the second month, and they declared their pedigrees after their families, by house of their fathers, according to the number of the names, from twenty-years-old and upward by their polls.” You will note all these Old Testament passages refer to a man’s age, not a female’s. Some will argue that females have no independent standing before God, that they must relate to God and society in subjection to a man—either their father or a husband. In the New Testament we find no such rigid cultural standards. God clarified this point through his dealings with Mary. The Holy Ghost approached Mary about becoming the mother of Jesus without going through either her parents or her betrothed husband. And she made her decision on her own. Furthermore, overly protective parents are handicapping their adult children spiritually, physically, and emotionally. Young adults need to be tested so they can gain wisdom. A parent’s instruction concerning life is not sufficient; there comes a time when we must stand alone before God in regard to the choices we make if we are to grow to maturity before God. Some will fail; some will be wounded; but that is life. It is God’s testing ground to prove who and what we are. When our adult children leave home and grow into wise sons and daughters of the living God, sacrificing their life for righteousness, it brings great glory to God. A cloistered adult kid is a glory only to a needy parent. You as a single woman, far past the age of twenty, will stand before God for your own decisions. (Of course, everyone living in the house should follow house rules.) How can you safeguard yourself against making unwise decisions? We all think we are wise, but it is so easy to be deceived. A wise daughter should continue to seek her parents’ counsel as well as the counsel of any and all wise people in her life, especially concerning the most important decision of your life. Proverbs 12:15 says, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.” Then Proverbs 11:14 says, “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.” But know that the final decisions are yours to live with. Now your second question: How can you meet Possibilities? You can ask your dad, an older brother, a man in the Church who walks upright and is happily wed, or your pastor to introduce you to young men who might need a wife. Men know what men are “up to” better than females, so it is wise to meet a “Possibility” through a man who regards your well-being as important. Even if your mom and dad were divorced, I would think your dad would be the first place to seek help. Dads naturally tend to be protective of their own flesh and blood, so even if he doesn’t live righteously, he will want your husband to be a good man. It is possible that your dad would soberly take on the task. Usually dads, even lost ones, are more emotionally-balanced than moms who often thrive on controlling in an invasive way. When I asked the local men their thoughts on approaching a parent concerning getting to know a girl for marriage, they agreed that having to approach a girl’s father would be scary, but having to deal with the older woman about her daughters would be humiliating. They all agreed that they would give up pursuing a good woman as a possible wife to avoid being under the scrutiny (authority) of the girl’s mom. Be ready for an emotional storm. Kindly let Mom know of your decision to act autonomously as a grown woman. Chances are she will see you choosing your dad over her and it will stir up an old personal hurt. She might tell some ugly stories, but in every bad marriage there are two sides, and both are usually greatly exaggerated. Refuse to listen, as she will regret the telling later. Be patient, wise, discerning, and reassuring toward her. Now, if Dad or another trusted man does help find you a husband, I want you to know this important detail. You are your mother’s daughter. She loves you and has given her life for you. Honor her. Give her space and let her be a part of your new family. Also, remember that she, as a woman in sourness toward her husband, is probably judgmental toward men in general, and thus a lingering spirit of criticism will most likely be an evil stronghold in your own life. Start now reading all the stories in the Old Testament of men God chose to use as his messengers. Learning how God loved and dealt with different people brings you to know the mind of God; this will renew your mind. There were Adam, Samson, David, Jonah, and Solomon. Become acquainted with these men of God. See their ups and downs. Read the story of the prophet Elijah who had a nervous breakdown; of Ezekiel who had strange visions, and laid on his side and ate dung while prophesying; Jeremiah the weeping prophet; and a crowd of other eccentric men God chose to honor as his special men. If you are really blessed you will marry one of the sons of Adam, and you will be judgmental toward him because he will be a jerk. But sweetie, so are you; only you will not see the beam in your own eye. Be sure to read Created to Be His Help Meet when you find yourself irritated with your man. Don’t let what happened to your mama happen to you and your daughters. If we are not ever vigilant, sin has a way of being passed down through the generations. It is a robber of love, joy, and peace—and marriages. In the end, a Possibility is just that: a Possibility. You will need to seek God’s will and have peace that this is the man you want to honor and obey all the days of your life, and the one you want to be the daddy to your children. It is a sobering thought. Once you are put to the test you might start agreeing with your mom and decide to stay single. But you need the opportunity to decide. God tells us his will in I Timothy 5:14: “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.” The Scripture also says, “There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:34a). I would encourage you to pour your life into the ministry until such time God blesses you with a man. Read Preparing to Be a Help Meet. Some naysayers will point out that this verse says women, not girls. We already covered the age of an adult found in the Old Testament (20 years old). What does “younger” refer to? Twenty? Twenty-five? Thirty? Well, younger is definitely not older. Keep in mind that the best, safest and healthiest childbearing age is from twenty to thirty. May God’s blessing be on you and your sister, and may both of you soon have someone to truly love you. Friend, Debi

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Preparing to Be a Help Meet—NEW BOOK!

Debi Pearl — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 12:10:01 +0000

Nearly every wife will confess that the first year or two of married life was…how shall I say it…a frustrating learning experience. Most girls spend plenty of time planning for their wedding, but make no preparation for the weeks and years to follow. Many wives are provoked to bitterness during the first year and never get over it. All this could so easily be avoided with simple instruction. It was with good reason God said let the aged women teach the younger. Trial and error is not the best teacher when it comes to marriage. It is much less painful to learn beforehand what God has to say about your role as a help meet to that special man God will bring into your life. It is the older women who have experienced the joys of a good marriage whom God has appointed to pass along his instructions. That is what I have done in this new book Preparing to Be a Help Meet. Preparing to Be a Help Meet contains six sweet love stories written by wives sharing their experiences about how God taught them to be the help meets they are today. Three of the stories are from wives that have been married over 40 years. Three stories are by new brides who, before marriage, were trained to be the help meet God intended. All the love stories are beautiful, and will show you how wonderful it is to walk together in God’s light. In addition to the six personal testimonies, this book is full of short stories from a wide range of cultural backgrounds. Funny tales, ideas of how to gain a good man’s attention, and even a tragic testimony all teach important lessons. You will meet “Grabbers” and “Hidden Flowers”, and discover how to avoid being either. The chapter on “Antsy Babes” will remind you why patience is so important. You will be warned as you read stories of how texting, emailing and other forms of cyberspace have destroyed many budding relationships and even marriages. An important part of this book is instruction on preparing for your future by saving money, developing skills, gathering information on cooking, health, and many other topics. Girls will see how one wise young woman planned her wedding God’s way. Along the way the reader will learn what to pack in her Heavenly Hope Chest. A shy girl—Hidden Flower—who has never had a man interested in her, will learn how to become visible to godly men. Brassy girls—Grabbers—will be shown a mirror so they will see how good men view pushy females. Impatient girls—Antsy Babes—will learn patience. Girls will be instructed on how young men seek out a wife and what they are looking for in a possible mate. They will discover what turns young men away and what causes a young man to consider a girl. In the last chapter, several men speak up to say what they really appreciate in their wives. And, of course, several single, wife-hunting males speak out here and there to give their opinion of what I have written. On a more sober note, the age-old question, “How do I know if this man is the will of God for me?” will be answered through Scripture, wisdom, and example. As I was finishing the manuscript, three young women read and evaluated Preparing to Be a Help Meet. They all said the book was captivating and that they would be better daughters and wives for having read it. Several married women who read the rough manuscript said of this new book that any lady that enjoyed Created to Be His Help Meet will LOVE Preparing to Be a Help Meet and they will learn as much from it as they did from Created. As the author, I believe the girl or married woman who reads Preparing to Be a Help Meet will close the book knowing that God answers prayer, that He wants to bless her and that marriage God’s way is indeed glorious. At the back of the book, my daughter Shalom Pearl Brand put together an extensive Teacher’s Guide. Shalom and Kristen Leonard taught a girls’ Preparing to Be a Help Meet class last winter using the book’s draft as it was being written. Through the teaching of the Word the girls grew into righteous young women. Some of the girls said they just didn’t understand that God meant for them to start being a Proverbs 31 female NOW, training to be a help meet before becoming one. Shalom used the notes from her class to put together the Teacher’s Guide. It has ice breakers to get the girls laughing and talking, questions from the chapter they are studying, verses to look up to see what God requires, and challenges to obey God. Anyone with a heart to do so could use these step by step directions to teach a Help Meet class for singles or married ladies. Even a young man reading this book can come to better understand how girls think and how better to approach a girl for marriage. So if any of you young men are wondering how…read and see! Move over, Created…here comes Preparing to Be a Help Meet.

Update

Preparing to Be a Help Meet is available for purchase from our web store as a book, or on audio as an MP3 CD or digital download. You can also order the book from NGJ by calling our toll-free order line 1-866-292-9936 (M–F, 8 am–5 pm CST). In August 2010, we launched a new website where all of you married and unmarried women can discuss the book and ask questions. Visit the official Preparing to Be a Help Meet website and join in the conversation!

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What I Want in a Guy!

A Young Woman — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 11:15:28 +0000

These experiences have helped me figure out who I am today, and have been instrumental in showing me what I need in a husband. When I was 17, my cousins and friends, who are a few years older than I, all started getting married. So I naturally thought, “Well, I guess I should get married, too, because it seems to be the next step in life.” But the guy I would have married then and the guy I would marry now are two completely different types of men. I didn’t even know myself yet, much less what I should look for in a man. I think, as homeschoolers, we are raised with the idea that marriage is the next important step in the school of life. I believe that attitude limits a person. I want to do something significant with my life, including learning all I have a capacity to comprehend, all for the purpose of making an eternal difference. I encourage girls to think: What are your dreams, what do you want to do, what do you want to know? Get out and do something, whether it’s starting a business (which could include homemaking skills), or buying a piece of land. Go help out a missionary for six months. It will give you a whole new outlook on life and an appreciation for missionaries! It will grow you, give you more confidence, and help you figure out what you need in a husband. Every man is attracted to a woman who’s busy with abundant life, someone who is on the front side of making things happen. Years ago I was chatting with a married couple who are good friends of mine, and who know me well. They helped me to figure out what I, personally, needed in a man. I wrote a list that day of five things I most need in a man! 1. I know that I need a Strong Leader who’s not going to let me shove him around. I want someone who is going to stand up and be the man! 2. Yet I need someone who is Open-minded, who will listen to all my crazy theories about life! 3. He needs to be Passionate, so that whatever he does, he does it with a fire under his boots! 4. I want him to be Spontaneous, full of zeal about life, and not afraid to jump into an adventure. I am a very enthusiastic person, and I love to do things on the spur of the moment. I want to marry someone I can jump on board with! 5. And I must have a man who Loves and Honors God and is already actively serving the Lord and has a deep-seated vision for life.

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