No Greater Joy Ministries » Teens

It’s Time

Debi Pearl — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 02:07:04 +0000

In just a few years, the story on pages 315-318 of the Good & Evil book has been repeated in the lives of millions of people in over 40 different language groups. In America families are buying cases of Good and Evil books and sending them to prisons. Every day we get stacks of letters from prisoners rejoicing that they have been forgiven. Many of these men continue to give the gospel to those behind bars. Today in the Philippines, one such ex-prisoner goes to three schools each week giving the gospel message, showing a gospel film, and then giving out a handful of Good and Evil books. He unashamedly begs for more books, saying he could reach so many more teens if he only had more books available. We sent three church members over to visit him this fall, and they said the Muslim teenagers beg for the books because there is so little printed literature in their language. All three men felt we should make the sacrifice to have more Good and Evil books printed, since this man and his family are pouring out their lives in poor conditions to get the gospel out. “Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much” (Luke 7:47a). Other families are taking Good and Evil to Interstate underpasses in cities like Dallas where new refugees gather to visit each other. People who speak other languages are, for the first time, hearing the wonderful gospel right here in the USA. One such family that goes to these new refugees is reaching so many people, they are frustrated that they have to take precious time out to go to work every day. They wish they could spend all day—every day—giving out Good and Evil books and sharing other literature with these people groups. They are full-time missionaries while being just plain-old folks trying to make a living. Anyone looking for a missionary to support? I would recommend this family. You could offer to have the Good and Evil books printed to reach whatever language group they are working with. Eternal dividends guaranteed. Our ministry could never have gone beyond these hills of Tennessee without help. But God started a ball rolling almost 20 years ago by having Mike, an unknown nobody, write a simple child training book. With one advertisement, we became international authors. You KNOW that was God. Then a few years later we wrote a book on marriage that went viral, and suddenly we had money to use in missions. God reached down to the least of us and gave us a vision of reaching the entire world with his message of salvation. It was a huge task. It took seven years, and the devil fought us every step of the way. But now we are gaining momentum. Prisons are being transformed from bloody repositories of the worst of humanity to places where gospel songs ring from every cell. Entire people groups have the message. In once-closed nations, people who had never heard the name of Jesus are now sitting cross-legged at the doors of their huts, listening to Good and Evil being read while carefully studying the pictures. His name is being proclaimed and glorified. This vision of reaching the world with written missionaries can no longer be sustained by NGJ. It has grown too large. God gave us the command to “Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.” You can make this happen by giving to get a new language in print, by reprinting where there is a need, or by taking the gospel message yourself to someone who has never heard. It’s time to join the fight.

PreparingToBeAHelpMeet.com

Shalom (Pearl) Brand — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 02:04:35 +0000

From a writer on the blog: We just got the Sept/Oct NGJ today. My interest was definitely piqued when I read Shalom’s article. I really did not know what things were like outside of my (rural farming) area. It’s frightening to hear that it is somewhat the same in other places…I know of so many WONDERFUL Christian young ladies in their late 20s who are still waiting for their man to come along, and it makes me think—if these amazing girls are not married, then how would I ever have a chance at finding a husband? I have to say, reading the article was very depressing, mostly because it corroborated what I’ve already seen and didn’t want to admit. I got to thinking—is there any way that we gals can help to remedy this situation? I know that the most important thing is prayer; we must pray for godly men to be raised up, young men who are ready to raise a family. But what else could we do? I also was thinking perhaps I am too picky. Could that be part of the problem? Am I expecting these young men to be spiritual giants while I excuse my own faults? Another thing—if there are no mature young men around us, should we gals then settle for someone we think would be less than ideal? (I’m talking about rational concerns now, not just girlish whims.) I really want to be married someday…I mean REALLY. It is depressing then when I survey this state of affairs! I’m sure most of you girls know how I feel! It is even harder in my area, because there really are not that many men period, let alone “marriage material” guys! (I guess that’s why I should be going to the Texas Shindig!) From Shalom: Hi, girls, I think I need to expand or explain my article “Where Are the Men?” since so many are talking about it on the blog. (By the way, the Preparing blog site will be down for a few weeks while it is being revamped so that married ladies can write on one site and single girls on another.) Anyway, back to the article I wrote. I knew I needed to say something, but I didn’t get my message across completely. I just see so many girls waiting around for Mr. Right, and that is not what God has called young ladies to do. 1 Corinthians 7:34 says, “There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” Yes! God created us to be a help meet to our own husbands, but he also wants those that are unmarried to be actively serving him. Notice he says, “The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord.” Just as the married woman cares for her husband (thinks about what he wants, serves him), the unmarried woman cares for the things of the Lord—thinks about what He wants, and serves Him. Neither instance of caring is a passive, sit-around-the-house-and-contemplate sort of thing. Both types of women are actively working and serving the one whom they care for. Most of the girls I know care more about getting married than they do about serving God. You said, “maybe I am too picky.” I do believe that is true at times, but we all want the best God has for us (check out the “Small Flame” video. My dad writes in the booklet, To Betroth or Not to Betroth, “A person that lives his life by his own best devices and does not get daily guidance from God has no right to expect anything special when it comes to marriage.” If we are not obeying Scripture and actively caring for the things of the Lord, then how do we expect to meet that special man that God has for us? I heard a story last week about a girl who was in Africa ministering. There were only native people around. She was where God wanted her, and do you know what? A fine Christian man came there to minister, not knowing that she was also there, and they soon married. I heard another story not long ago of a young girl who went to work in an orphanage in Mexico and was there for several years with no prospects of marriage. But a young man came to work there, and they were soon married. I believe these ladies are getting God’s best, don’t you? You asked, “What else could we do?” I do think we can do something about the lack of God-fearing men out there. In chapter one of Preparing to Be His Help Meet, Mom (Debi Pearl) wrote about praying—not for you to find a husband, but that God would raise up men to serve him. I know several young men who would make wonderful fathers and great husbands, and who are very hard working, but they are not saved. These men are just good guys, raised by good, hard-working, country parents, but the young men do not know the Lord. There are lots of good guys out there who were not raised in a God-fearing home, but if they were to get saved, they would make a difference in this world. So I want you girls to do two things: (1) Start caring for the things of the Lord, and (2) start praying that God will work in the hearts of young men around the world. If you want to be inspired by a young lady’s walk in serving the Lord, google “Kisses from Katie.” — Shalom

Go, and Sneer No More

Debi Pearl — Fri, 12 Oct 2012 02:02:24 +0000

Over the last 40-plus years, we have watched couples fall in—and out—of love. In many cases, the ones we were certain would make it did not, and those we thought would surely end in divorce thrived in love. So what’s the secret? There are many dynamics in marriage that make it fail or flourish, but over the years there is one underlying element that has proven to be the deal maker or breaker. I don’t know if it is the cause or the symptom, but it is a certain marker…sitting in the seat of the scornful. A family full of scorn is a family headed for ruin, for scorn is the soul in decay. It is finding fault and deriding the failures of others while believing oneself to be somewhat better. The family piles into the family van to head home from church, and within seconds Mom speaks. “God help us, Mrs. Don’s makeup is so brazen it’s embarrassing.” The children register their mom’s remark while their minds take them back two minutes to when Mom stood by the van laughing and talking with Mrs. Don as if they were best friends. Mrs. Don has often entertained the children and done other nice things for their family, but… Dad interrupts, “That d@# preacher needs to learn to tell time. The deacons have warned him several times, but he doesn’t know when to shut up.” The kids see their mother’s instant disapproval for Daddy using the D-word. They know that mama reeeeally likes the preacher because she calls him every time Daddy does something bad. Something uglier than damn has taken hold of the children—it is called disrespect. And the disrespect in the children’s souls is not confined to the preacher or Mrs. Don; it is becoming a part of their worldview, and it will be directed toward the parents soon enough. Mom thinks her glance of condemnation will clear the air, but instead it further tears down the family. The next time she seeks the preacher’s advice, the children will sneer. Teenage sister is giggling with brother, “Did you see those geeky shoes Sara had on? Man, I would die before I would walk around looking like that. She is such a dork.” Sara is sister’s best friend, or at least she used to be. “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful” (Psalm 1:1). Note the digression from walking to standing to sitting. The practice of scorning quickly becomes a permanent post. As a general rule, the disease of scorning is most prominent in Christians who deem themselves most separate in doctrine and righteousness. Just as none are so obnoxious about diet as the health-food nuts, none are so obnoxious about lifestyle as fundamentalist Bible-believers and elitist homeschoolers who deem themselves above common practitioners. This is bad because being scornful has a huge negative impact throughout life. All that church-going homeschooling parents try to pour into their children will be cancelled out with this one bad habit of scorning. Children who grow up in a family where scorning is common will be molded into a worldview that will shape their choice of spouse, the way they relate in marriage, and the way they raise their children. A young girl who grows up hearing scorning will become a scorning wife. The first time her husband is a jerk—and he will be—she will resort to the lower instincts she has learned and scorn instead of pray and forgive. Her new husband will experience scorn instead of biblically mandated reverence. The equation reads like this: Her scorn = his lack of love. When they come for counsel, she will demand that he love her as Christ loved the church, and he will sheepishly tell us it is hard to love her, and we will know why. How can a man truly love a woman who treats him with disdain and disapproval? The recipe for a good marriage doesn’t include a pinch of scorn. But the husband may have come from a scorning family, so he will have scorned her family before they were married, which makes her feel justified in her contempt toward her husband. This equation reads like this: disrespect breeds disrespect, or scorn brings on deeper scorn. And like Thanksgiving turkey, it becomes a family tradition. One reason scorn, and thus divorce, has skyrocketed is the diminishing of community. People once lived and died around the same group of friends and family. People had to learn to treat their lifetime neighbors with some degree of respect. When you knew a girl might grow up and bear your grandkids, you learned to hold your ridicule if she appeared to be a little dumb. If you thought a boy could grow up and marry your daughter, you didn’t want him labeled too poorly. In that era, self-preservation depended upon the advancement of everyone within the circle. Everybody in the community was important to the community as a whole, and faults were better tolerated for the well-being of all. As a child, I knew of a family that had six daughters. The only thing I can remember about this highly intelligent, correctly religious, successful pastor’s family was the constant run of ridicule that prevailed in his household, usually directed toward a church member for being stupid, ugly, or messy. The pretty girls all married, divorced, remarried, and divorced again. Pastor Dad finally got involved in an affair, bringing his marriage to an end as well. Blessed is the family…that sitteth not in the seat of the scornful. Many of you reading this were raised around a table of scorn. You will most likely marry spouses from families that nit-picked their church members as they drove away from church each week. Or perhaps it was the previous church that they carefully dismembered. The infectious disease of mockery takes its toll. Usually the ridicule will not be harsh and is not meant to be cruel; it takes the form of offhanded remarks said in order to disparage the other. Perhaps the most damaging type of denigration for a child is when he thinks that his parents truly like and respect someone, and then as soon as they get in the car he hears the parents’ disdain for that person. Raining down dishonor on the teacher or preacher who is teaching the child the Bible will cause the child to lose his reverence for God and will surely lead to the child’s rejection of God. It doesn’t matter if the preacher deserves the reviling; is the venting worth the damage done in the heart of your child who heard you give your “spiritual” opinion? This two-faced diet breeds more of the same. Critical spirits don’t have just one home; they migrate and multiply like seed ticks. Wife against husband, husband against wife, and then children against parents; and when sin is conceived, it will keep your teenager from ever developing a healthy fear of God. Without fear of God there will be no wisdom. Fools—that’s what you will be raising. “How long, ye simple ones, will ye love simplicity? and the scorners delight in their scorning, and fools hate knowledge?” (Proverbs 1:22). So in the end, you might save your marriage if you happen to have married someone who doesn’t equal you in sneering, but unless someone else intervenes, your children will bear your sin and pass it on to your grandchildren. The moral of the story: Go, and sneer no more. ~ Debi

Big Texas Shindig

Shoshanna (Pearl) Easling — Wed, 15 Aug 2012 16:30:28 +0000

Let me give you my perspective on the Texas Shindig. My dad always said he started looking for what he wanted in a help meet when he was seven years old. I think he is serious. He teaches that isolating your children from other good families keeps them from developing a healthy hope in love. Because of this, he was always taking our family to different events (he calls them different ponds full of more fish), so from an early age we could meet good-quality possible future mates. It worked. I met my husband at a bash in New Mexico. It was an extreme sports event of climbing cliffs, caving, camping, and getting to know other like-minded believers who appreciated this lifestyle. As you can see in the picture, it was a smashing success. My sister Shalom met her husband in Tennessee at a young men’s mission conference where she was the cook. Nathan met Zephyr at a missionary conference in Texas. We didn’t go spouse hunting, but we did go where potential spouses might be hanging out. You get the idea? The Texas Shindig is for the entire family. The kids will be thrilled with Bible stories and games. Dad and Mom (Mike and Debi Pearl) will be teaching mamas and daddies how to rekindle their love for each other. Nathan and Shalom will be teaching those in the “searching and preparing” stage of life, and I will be teaching herbs classes. We have also invited a few special guests who will be speaking in their own areas of expertise. Mel from NGJ will be teaching on self-publishing and how to start a home-based business. The Texas Shindig will be a joyful gathering of families growing in the grace of God, and will be an opportunity for your kids to meet their life partners. Bring the kids, your smile, and your musical instruments. We’ll see you there! -Shoshanna Easling Details and Registration!

Don’t Give Up on the Prodigal

Michael Pearl — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 20:21:48 +0000

The promise is clear: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” And the promise is certain. But I know many of you have older children who have departed from the way you intended them to go. You have questioned, “Is the promise really true, or is it like divine healing—rare and only available to those who have great faith?” Or you may question yourself, “Where did I go wrong? I took them to church and provided a godly example, but an evil outside influence slithered in and stole away my child’s virtue and integrity. How could I have foreseen the threat and stopped it?” Then again, you may be of the sad number whose child descended into a state of rebellion and turned on you, accusing you of hypocrisy, and screaming, “If you are a Christian, I don’t want to be one.” This is not going to be another article where I rebuke you for your hypocrisy. I have done that enough, and it is too late to undo the damage done to the wayward prodigal. But I do want to encourage you to not quit; don’t give up on the errant one. Sometimes getting out from under parents’ roof is the path to repentance. It doesn’t take long for 20-year-olds to discover that the world is full of hypocrisy and darkness—worse than what they found at home. “As if a man did flee from a lion, and a bear met him; or went into the house, and leaned his hand on the wall, and a serpent bit him” (Amos 5:19). There were good times at home, and in times of loneliness and need he will remember them. Just like you, he will have doubts about himself and wonder if he made the right choice. He will mature and learn that humanity is indeed frail and that “every man at his best state is altogether vanity” (Psalm 39:5). Life will force him to discover his own weaknesses and hypocrisy. He will fail to live up to his purist’s values and judge himself to be no better than you. If he did indeed have a time in his youth when he respected his parents and honored their God, a time when life was sweet and carefree, he will look back with fondness and decry his loss. In his pain he will go back in his memory and wish for those days again. In his mind, the good memories will conflict with his more recent memories of your constant criticism and dissatisfaction. The lack of fulfillment he experienced in the home after he got to be a “problem child” will overshadow everything for a while, but when he “begins to be in want” (Luke 15:14) and seeks help from his friends, and they send him “into the field to feed swine,” and no one loves him like Mama did when he was young, he will come to himself, swallow his pride, and come home—not to stay, but to be loved and appreciated, to be with people who care. Now you will play a part in his recovery. First I am going to tell you how to guarantee that he not only keeps feeding the swine but eats with them and eventually lies down to stay with them. It is the easiest thing you could ever do. It is all about attitude. Just make sure that in any contact you have with him, let him know how wrong he is and indicate you think he is shiftless and worthless. Or better still, point out how he has embarrassed the family and let him see that you are ashamed of him. It will help if when he comes to visit, his hair is purple and orange and he has lots of piercings and tattoos. Look thoroughly disgusted and offended. If he brings a girlfriend home, one that looks like she is a nine-time reject, be sure to treat her with disdain and contempt. Ignoring her will really make him hot. That first visit home will be his attempt to prove to himself and his girlfriend that his parents are not worth the time. Deep inside there is a desire to be loved and accepted by his family, but his pride motivates him to throw his sin in your face as a test of that love. It will be easy to get rid of him once for all. Just be what you were before he left. You say you have changed? I can offer you indicators of how you will in fact respond when he shows up. If you have been humbled by your loss of a child to the world, and you accept the blame and you no longer have critical feelings toward him but rather a heart that is broken and longing to be restored, you will indeed motivate him to repent and reunite with the family. But if there is bitterness in your heart and the feeling that he has hurt you and the family, you will drive the wedge much deeper and send him back to the swine to feed. If you, like Jesus looking over wayward Jerusalem, weep for your lost child, your tears can wash away his pride and rebellion, but if you, like Satan, are an accuser of the brethren, you will dump a pile on him that will keep him underground until you are old and grey and he drops by unexpectedly to see Mama one last time before she dies. There is hope, but that hope must be in your heart if it is going to become a reality. If you daily pray for your prodigal you cannot daily despise him. You may get just one chance to turn him around, and he will see that opportunity in your eyes and hear it in your tone. Get your heart right today and your words will be right the next time you face your prodigal. “…for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things” (Matthew 12:34–35). When you pray your heart treasures up good things. You will need a heart full of good thoughts when the prodigal comes down the dusty road dragging his baggage. “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things” (Philippians 4:8). Remember the prodigal’s father in Luke 15; he was looking for his son and saw him when he was yet a great way off. Running down the road to receive him with open arms, he commanded the servants to bring the best robe and shoes and a ring for the finger of his returning son. The father killed the special fatted calf and invited all the neighbors to a coming home party where they would share his joy at the returned prodigal. Go, and do thou likewise.

Wisdom

Shalom (Pearl) Brand — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 11:10:05 +0000

We all know that it is not good to call our friends mean names, or take toys away from them, or push them down. But did you know that sometimes you can make them sad by just bragging about yourself? “I can read so good. Can you read?” “I have a nice, big, new bike; your bike is kind of old, isn’t it?” “The picture I colored is so nice. Is that the best you can do on your picture?” “I get to go swimming every day; too bad you can’t.” It is best not to talk about things that could make others feel bad. You need wisdom to know when to talk and when to keep your mouth shut. God tells us to just ask and he will give us wisdom. It is important to get wisdom when you are young so that when you are older you can teach your own children. —Shalom Brand

Learning to Become a Multi-Colored Girl

Debi Pearl — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 11:00:31 +0000

A Call for All Young Women A lot has happened since the books Created to Be His Help Meet and Preparing to Be a Help Meet were published. Created has been translated into eight or ten languages and there have been thousands of Created and Preparing classes all over the world. We have received many letters from ladies and girls sharing what they have learned. Our most active blog is PreparingToBeAHelpMeet.com with girls and married ladies sharing what God has taught them. Through the letters and the blogs I have learned much that has helped me in addressing your needs. Here are a few examples. Men were created in God’s image. God breathed the breath of life straight into Adam. It is mind-boggling to think that mere man is in God’s own image. In effect, man is in the likeness of God. God feels, he thinks, and he loves just as does his creation. Just as Eve was created to meet a need in Adam, so we meet a need in God. That is strange to me. We all know that God is three persons, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We learned in Created to Be His Help Meet that, as men were created in God’s image, so each man predominantly expresses one of the three aspects of God’s image. As Adam was created in God’s image, Eve was created in Adam’s image. God could have shaped two clay figures and breathed life into both, but he chose to take the woman from the man’s own flesh and bone. I have come to see that tiered process as very significant, making it consistent with nature that the woman should be the helper in the chain of command. God did not create women as he did men, strongly fixed in one type or another. Being created in the image of man, we are more muted and flexible in our types. If a woman were a strong Command type married to Mr. Steady, that would cause terrible conflict in the marital relationship. If we were to attach colors to the three types, Command men would be red, the Steady man would be blue, and the Visionary would be yellow. Few men are a 100% pure type/color. Most men are one type with just a touch of another type to mellow him out. But this article is not about men, but rather about us girls and our adaptability of color. The woman was called to be her man’s helper, to fashion herself to be what he needs her to be. It is quite a calling. In order to do this a woman needs to be a kaleidoscope, a full array of color. One woman might be strong in red, but she also has all the other colors so that she can blend her life into that of her man. God provides us with all that we need to fulfill our calling. For example, at this time in my life as a Help Meet I am required to be a writer, office director, web planner, wife, grandmother and, last, but certainly not least, a country woman. If I had to give myself a color or type at this time in my life it would be a bright orange: half red, half yellow. I have been put into a role that requires leadership and creativity. As I was growing up my color was blue (servant) so I have had to adapt quite a bit. If I had married a different man I would likely not be a writer, an office director, web planner or a country woman. How different my life would have been! I might have married a factory worker who lived in the city. I could have lived my whole life in a rented apartment, worked as a domestic for extra income, and had just two children. I would have still loved the Lord because that is who I am, a lover of God. Most everything else in my life would have been different; what I learned, how I dressed, what I enjoyed, and where I went. I think that I would have grown potted plants full of herbs and salads on my balcony. My color would have been green, mostly blue but some yellow so that I might raise children strong in spirit. It would have been easy for me to have married a committed Southern Baptist minister. My color would have been purple, part blue to serve but part red to lead. It is a queenly color, as Baptists like their pastors’ wives to have dignity. I would have worn simple conservative suits, stockings, and slight heels, kept my hair done prim and proper, and my nails clean and painted. I would have been a Sunday School teacher, planned Vacation Bible Schools, and promoted my husband in his calling. I would have been a lover of God, because I love him. But I would have been a different lady, certainly not the country woman I am today. But then, I might have married an Amish-type-man, living plain, dressing plain, and speaking German. I would have never touched a computer, but spent my life having 12 children and working the land. You would never know me as me, but I would still be me, only I would be meshing into the man to whom I was a helper. I would still be a lover of God, because I love him, and in loving him I would have put forth an effort to honor God by honoring and reverencing my husband, as God has written in Ephesians 5:33, “…and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands” (1 Peter 3:1). When a girl marries a man she becomes a new person. She becomes his bride, his woman, his helper. It is God’s will that her life be fashioned to help him. If a girl comes into marriage knowing that she is equipped and appointed to be this one new person, then she can adapt and find fulfillment in her new self-expression. This past week the local Preparing class invited two older mothers to share their experiences in marriage. It was quite sobering, and some of the girls came away from class unnerved by the burdens of marriage. What the mothers wanted to convey to the girls was, “Learn now while you are young to honor your husbands. Learn patience to continue in your role as a Help Meet, and commit yourself to God now while you are young so you can avoid some of our trials and errors as we struggle to find our way.” Today’s culture, our own selfishness, and our lack of knowing God’s Word all play a part in making marriages miserable. What you learn as a young unmarried woman can change your life more completely than you can imagine. If you are wise you will learn to become a many-colored girl. Don’t say to yourself, “I am a Go-to Girl and not a Servant.” Rather say, “I am learning to be anything I need to be. I want to be a servant, I need to learn to lead and teach, and I will learn to be creative because my husband may need me to be all of these.” Practice being flexible in your likes and dislikes, how you feel about things, and what you hope to accomplish. Start striving to shape your life to help others, and hide God’s Words in your heart concerning becoming a wife. Lastly, make a written commitment to honor the man God provides for you. Choose a life’s verse that you write down on the cover of your Bible, one that goes along with your commitment. All these things will shape you for your coming marriage, enabling you to avoid the many pitfalls that entangle so many. Making yourself ready for any eventuality in your future marriage demands much practice if you want a glorious marriage.

Angry Children

Michael Pearl — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 11:25:32 +0000

What causes children to be angry, and how can parents address this issue? We can best understand anger in children by understanding the source of our own anger. Children get angry for the same reasons adults do. The little ones do appear to have more of a problem with anger than do adults, but only because the young ones have not yet developed the self-serving art of covering their feelings and appearing proper to others. Most of us have too much pride to display our anger publicly, so we express anger through punishing silences or quiet, biting words. Innuendos designed to marginalize others are the polished art of anger. We try to castigate while maintaining the appearance of emotional aloofness, the object being to provoke the detested party to react in self-incriminating ways, openly confirming our assessment of their faults. Anger has several roots, which we will discuss in the future online, but the tap-root of all anger is frustration at failing to manage our environment for our own pleasure. I have seen no less than a thousand men express anger at inanimate objects and curse things that do not have ears because they were frustrated in their efforts to accomplish something with a “stubborn” tool. How many times have we observed toddlers cry out in anger at their failure to manipulate an object to their satisfaction? A ten-year-old slams a ball glove on the ground after failing to catch the ball. Or he yells in anger, “That stupid old bicycle won’t work right.” And there is the anger directed at others when a child fails to manage others to his own pleasure. A child explodes, “But you promised you would take me to the ball game today.” A ten-year-old girl angrily cries, “Somebody has been in my room and touched my stuff.” A fifteen-year-old girl whines in anger, “Why can’t I have a cell phone; all my friends do!” And ultimately, the words we never want to hear, “I just hate you; why did I have to have parents like you?” What is wrong with her parents? They have frustrated her efforts to “express herself,” to experience life as she thinks best. Anger is the bulldozer of the frustrated soul. If an angry man were honest, you would hear him say, “Get out of my way; you are preventing me from realizing immediate gratification.” Angry drivers are a prime example of the fruit of frustration. Anger runs even deeper. It becomes an IED—improvised explosive device. “You have hurt me; I will hurt you back in the only way that is available to me.” “I will shout at you as my enemy, and you will see the murder in my heart and be afraid. You will back down and give me my way, for ‘I am the master of my fate and captain of my soul.’” Be it a skinhead in prison or the two-year-old son of a stable family, anger emanates from the human race like odor from a skunk. When you see anger in your children, you are seeing the theology of depravity up close in all of its pervading ugliness. But children do not inherit Adam’s anger. There is no need, for they are quite capable of inventing it in a vacuum. Some are more angry than others. Children range from very angry to hardly angry at all. Some children spend their early years in calm congeniality, and then all of a sudden turn angry. Others express lots of anger in their early years from birth to three or four years old, and then calm down and become peaceful and passive. What is going on that creates these variables? Can we as parents control the process, thwart the growth of anger, and instill a godly self-control and forgiveness in our children? The answer is a resounding “Yes.” As a parent you must anticipate the needs of your children and be proactive in equipping them to face life’s challenges with the kind of character it takes to endure with grace the potential frustrations of everyday life. How? First, by example. If you bypass this one, nothing else will work. If you have occasional angry outbursts, your children will catch it like the flu. It does no good to say you are sorry, other than they may learn to apologize after each of their own outbursts. You have not dealt with the anger; you have just made the point that it needs to be followed with an apology. More is caught than taught. Assuming you are setting a proper example, the next step is to not leave your child in a social vacuum where she must face her frustrations unguided. For example, I saw a small child cry out in anger because she couldn’t put her coat on properly. She was frustrated. If you simply spank her for her anger or rebuke her, you will only increase the frustration and it will soon develop into a habit of angry impatience. You can prevent this inclination by patiently training her in the art of putting on a coat. When you see the anger, slow down in your hurry to get out the door and show her that you are going to patiently be there while she finds the other sleeve. If she is capable of this contortionist’s feat but overly anxious and impatient with herself, show her step by step how it is to be done, and smile all the while. You are teaching her that the things that frustrate us can be conquered with patience and persistence. In the child’s mind, this translates into a principle that will apply in the face of any frustration. If a ten-year-old is angry at his bicycle because it won’t work right, take time to show him how to make it work properly. Get out the tools and make adjustments, or teach him how to adjust his riding technique, as the need may be. Some anger is justified, but it is a slippery slope. I recently observed one of my grandkids sitting in front of an easel, studiously painting a picture. At three years old she is very serious about her artwork and quite patient with the process. But she burst out in anger when a visiting kid deliberately and physically halted her painting. I could see that she just wanted to be left alone so she could paint. Her anger was understandable but unacceptable. Now her mother could have rebuked her for being angry, but that would have introduced another element that would have broadened her anger to include her mother and the cruel, insensitive world in general. The budding artist was not trying to enforce her will upon others or manipulate others to her pleasure. She had created an environment that she wanted to maintain, and others had trespassed. What she needed was what we all need when someone comes onto our property and abuses our possessions—the law, an enforcer. A society becomes angry, giving way to revolution when the law no longer protects it and it feels there is no other recourse to achieve justice. It is driven mad with the frustration of injustice. So, seeing the event unfold, I said to my busy daughter who didn’t see what took place, “They are disturbing her painting; they should play someplace else and leave her alone.” The three-year-old had already returned to her canvas and was deep in concentration, working tediously. Anger is a natural human emotion and not necessarily evil in itself. The apostle Paul said, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26). Justified anger should fade quickly with the removal of the provocation. Do not entertain the grievance overnight. If the anger lingers until nightfall it is no longer a natural reaction to injustice; it is simmering wrath. Did you know that Jesus was angry? Read Mark 3:1–6. When Jesus was confronted with the blind man on the Sabbath, he saw the religious leaders watching him “whether he would heal him on the sabbath day; that they might accuse him” Jesus “looked round about on them with anger, being grieved for the hardness of their hearts, he saith unto the man, Stretch forth thine hand. And he stretched it out: and his hand was restored whole as the other.” His frustration at their resistance and unbelief turned to an act of healing rather than aggressive words or actions. Anger is a motivator, but in the heart of a self-indulgent sinner it can lead to sinful pride and retaliation. When anger becomes a habit, taking on the characteristics of a temperament, it has become a black art of the Devil. That is what we want to prevent in our children. The three-year-old’s anger at being thwarted in her private efforts to paint was natural, but if the injustice were allowed to continue her festering anger would become an ugly character trait. At this point a wise parent will step in and control the circumstances, as did my daughter. She told the five other children that they should play somewhere else and leave Laila to her painting. This three-year-old will appreciate living in a society controlled by the rule of law where individual rights are respected. Her spirit will be quieted by the justice that is enforced, and she will “not let the sun go down” on her wrath. However, if Mother had left the children to themselves, anarchy would have ensued. Laila would have lost it and fought to gain control of her environment. If she prevailed, it would have confirmed to her the power of anger and aggression. If she had failed and the other children prevailed to stymie her art work, she would have grown even more angry and hostile, acting in retaliation, maybe even striking the other kids or screaming insults. All that is unholy would break loose, and Laila would have looked like the “bad girl” while the others just stood around innocently grinning, leaving Laila to be rebuked and spanked for her out-of-control anger. If this situation had been allowed to reach this point, there would have been no way to untangle the knots of anger that would have formed in her little soul. No amount of spanking would have rooted out her feelings of injustice. A parent cannot wait until a volcano blows the side of the mountain out and then try to put the lava back in the hole. Just last week I attended my grandson Laife’s third birthday party. The house was full of cousins and friends. One of the games was pin the tail on the donkey, played while blindfolded of course. Laife was the first to give it a try. When he pulled the blindfold off and found that the tail was hanging in the air a long way from the donkey, he rushed over to correct his mistake. He is a perfectionist and likes everything in order. That tail hanging in the air was totally out of order. When he tried to re-pin it, we all laughed, and his mother placed it back were he had placed it while blindfolded. He said no and struggled to get hold of it so he could give the poor donkey his tail. When his mother laughingly resisted, trying to explain that there was a prize for the one who got closest, he just fell on the floor and wept his frustration and anger. His mother was wise and let him return the severed tail to the humiliated donkey. Most of the kids were older than he and understood the need to change the rules to accommodate his perspective. To have resisted him here and spanked him for his crying would not have appeared just to his little mind and would have left him with budding seeds of distrust and anger. Spankings are reserved for rebellion and meanness. Spankings are for evil hearts and indifferent spirits, to get their attention and cause them to respect the lawgiver. A child should know he deserves a spanking before you give him one, otherwise it creates anger. “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged” (Colossians 3:21). The time to inoculate your children against the human tendency to impatient anger is when they are six months old and four years old. Think about life as playing a team sport. If you throw someone into a basketball game who doesn’t know the rules and hand him the ball, telling him it is his, he be will shocked when someone runs up and takes it out of his hands. When he moves toward the goal, he will be shocked that the referee takes it away from him on a charge of “traveling.” When he tries to throw the ball through the basket, people jump up and grab it before it can go in. What a frustrating game! Get used to it. That’s life. Here is the key, a principle you must understand and apply: Children need to be taught the rules and trained to navigate the court and disciplined in mind and body before they are exposed to the challenges of the game. Never allow your young children, even as young as six months, to become unconquerably frustrated with the ball and the court of life. If you instill competence and confidence in young children, they will accept the difficulties as an opportunity to show their mettle rather than as an obstacle to their success. When a child wants to please and impress others and is unable to perform properly, he will get angry. The anger may look like anger or it may look like self-loathing, but they are the same. Aggression against others is obvious anger. Aggression against self can be quiet and inward. You are the cure. Do not fail to train a child to do all that life requires so he feels good about himself and his abilities. Show approval of him as a person so that he doesn’t become anxious to perform at a level that will earn approval. Provide an example that communicates that it is all right to experience temporary setbacks, for they just make the victory sweeter. Teach your children to be competent in many areas. This begins with manipulating blocks of wood, assembling things, stacking cardboard boxes and cutting doors and windows. It continues with teaching them to dress themselves, cook, clean the house, and eventually do outside chores, and it graduates into skills that most men do not possess, such as repairing automobiles, tuning pianos, programming computers, music, art, science, entrepreneurship, and the possibilities are endless. People who are succeeding don’t get angry. It is the hungry and hopeless peasants who stay angry and eventually revolt, assuaging their frustrations with a guillotine. If you order your home in a way that clearly communicates to your children that there is justice and mercy in the world, that their rights and dignity are protected by the rule of law, you will eliminate the anger that springs from the frustration of societal injustice. There are additional reasons for anger beyond frustration with one’s inability to control the environment and the actions of others. We will discuss them on our website and will email the remainder of the article to those of you who are signed up to receive our weekly email notifications. If you do not have access to a computer, go to your local library and you can print the rest of the article on anger. Angry Children, Part 2

The Job of a Lifetime

Nathan Pearl — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 11:15:50 +0000

Did you know that God gave each believer a life-long job? That’s right! Christ said in Mark 16:15, “And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.” We have a mission. Male or female, child or grandparent, YOU have a mission. What are you going to do about it? God tells us the story of a life-long job he had for a man named Moses: being a leader to millions of people. One day Moses was walking on a hill with his father-in-law’s sheep when he saw a burning bush that just kept burning. This was curious. Moses stopped to take a look, and suddenly the voice of God came out of the bush and told Moses that it was God speaking to him, so he needed to take his shoes off and listen carefully. “I have surely seen the affliction of my people which are in Egypt, and have heard their cry by reason of their taskmasters; for I know their sorrows; And I am come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians...Come now therefore, and I will send thee unto Pharaoh, that thou mayest bring forth my people the children of Israel out of Egypt.” Even though this was the voice of God speaking to him through a bush, the only thing Moses could say was, “I can’t do that! I stutter; I can’t be a speaker. You must have the wrong guy.” Three different times God spoke to Moses of his lifetime job, and each time Moses had an excuse for why he was not the right choice. Finally Moses accepted his mission and did all the LORD told him to do. God needed a man who had a heart to love and honor him. He needed a man who would turn to God in prayer, asking what he should do. Moses could use others to help him, but the leadership of Israel needed to be from a man who would seek God’s face. Fast forward thousands of years to the time when Jesus was giving all those who love him his final instructions: “Thus it is written, and thus it behoved Christ to suffer, and to rise from the dead the third day: And that repentance and remission of sins should be preached in his name among all nations, beginning at Jerusalem” (Luke 24:46-47). Jesus has given all of us lifetime jobs. Jesus, the beloved Son of God, suffered the indignity of death to redeem us. Then he gave us our job of a lifetime, “TELL everyone about Jesus.” It is not about your abilities. It is about your willingness.

ESP Training—Explain, Show, Practice!

Kim Doebler — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 12:35:14 +0000

We’ve had a lot of fun learning self-control by practicing sitting still without moving for specific amounts of time. Start with 15 seconds, set each child on their own blanket and instruct them to look straight ahead and to not move. The first time you can count the 15 seconds out loud so they can hear their progress. Each time you practice increase the time until they can sit for four minutes without moving. Once four minutes is reached then add different temptations to try to get them to turn and look or move. Some examples are: stand behind the children and crinkle a candy wrapper or pretend to greet someone at the door. Have fun with it. It is amazing for a child to learn they do not have to look every time they hear something interesting or they don’t have to burst into laughter when someone acts silly in front of them. These practiced exercises will come back to help your child when they want to turn around in church or in a class and someone is acting like a goof. Knowing they possess the ability to practice self-control will benefit them in such times of temptation. Excerpts from Kim S. Doebler’s book ESP Character Training. Available for $14.99 at: ESPCharacterTraining.weebly.com or ESP Character Training, PO 247, Lake Tomahawk, WI 54539 ESP Training, Explain, Show & Practice by Kim S. Doebler, Learning Self-Control. — Kim Doebler