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Raising the Three Types of Boys - We Need Your Help!

February 15, 2012

We are going to write a book on the three types of boys—Command, Steady, and Visionary, but we need your help. We need illustrations and questions. We are waiting on you to send in your stories. If you do not want your name used, please put that in your story or change the names to protect the “guilty”. If you are OK with seeing your son’s name in 500,000 books in 15 languages then include it. We are waiting on you. Write to us at [email protected]

9 comments on “Raising the Three Types of Boys - We Need Your Help!”

  1. We have two boys. One command and one steady:) I actually cried when I read your article because for years I have felt like we some how were failing in raising our son. He is 12 years old, our oldest son and our middle child (We have a daughter 14 and a son 10) He argues with us constantly (more me than his father who is a steady). He has the biggest heart out of all three of our children but few people get a chance to see that. Most people enjoy my children and compliment their behavior but are often put off by him and can not tell why. I even had one person tell me when my kids were younger they would watch my other two kids but not him. He had not done anything to them or been in trouble with them. I catch myself being very protective of him and keeping him with me so he doesn't bother other people. I will be excited to read your book and maybe learn how to deal with him the way God made him.

  2. Dear Sis Pearl, I did not get to be raised by my father after the age of 6, because of a divorce. But I did get to see him on Fridays nights usually, he would take me to dinner and a movie. My parents left Moline, Illinois way before I was born, so I never knew my Grandfathers nor any uncles or any male cousins. I did marry in 1962 and Bob & I had 2 girls. So men have always been a mystery to me. My husband of 38 years, Bob, died in 2001. I was a widow for only a short time. My present husband of 10 years is a "command" man and he is like being married to an un-developed teen age man in many ways. I am always puzzeled by his behavior. I often wondered at how unprepared for life he has been and wondered at why his mother did not see to his training. She had passed by the time I met him. About 4 years ago, I met his elder sister and I could see that she was the one who really "raised" him (there were 9 children, both parents worked all the time). Of course, she could not prepare him for his future life, she just somehow favored him. He has the most engaging personality, but character qualities are seriously lacking. So, all in all, I am very grateful for your undertaking in this matter. Does anyone realize what an absolutely great service one renders one's children when they are raised right? Life is in all ways, so much easier on the one raised right and the one they marry and the children that come from their union as well. Fred, himself often seems so puzzeled with his life and his own responses. This note is not exactly what you are requesting, but I will be praying for you to get the input that you need and be successful in this endeavor as this will certainly please The Lord Jesus Christ, from Whom all Blessings Come. Love In Jesus Name, Your Sister Joan Taylor

  3. I have three children. In spite of me, my two girls have grown up to be beautiful young ladies that love and serve the Lord.

    My son is 14. His dad does not live at home (you would approve this). My son and I are very active in a great church. If anyone in the church asks him to do anything - he does it happily. He has a winning personality. He loves to make people laugh. His dad is Mr. Visionary 100%. As I read Created to Be His Help Meet, it was as though Debi knew my husband - WOW! I can't figure out what my son is though. I've seen him lead! He most definitely can jump in and lead, and happy to do it. I've seen him follow - he is very impressionable. He is only 14, so either it is hard to see a Mr. Visionary in someone so young or that is not him. His only visions were of owning a dirt bike, then he got one, now he has visions of owning a jeep. 🙂 As for Mr. Steady??? I don't know how to see that in a 14-year-old. He does what he does because he is told to. He lives where he lives because he doesn't have a choice.

    His birthday wish this year was for us to go on a trip and stay in a fancy hotel. He mentioned Hilton Head, South Carolina, because that is where his grandma and uncle and aunt live and he knew of a fancy hotel there. Then he mentioned Hawaii...? We went a whole hour-and-a-half away and stayed at the fanciest hotel we could find and his sisters both came and celebrated his birthday with us. He loves his sisters!!! They all have been homeschooled. I believe if he was in public school, I would discover what an impressionable follower he could be. So I hesitate in the Mr. Command man? He loves people, he loves sports, he loves having fun (borderline of fun vs. foolishness, from a boring mom's point of view). 🙂

    So, I look forward to hearing other moms’ thoughts about their sons. If it is okay. I will post again as I watch him on purpose. 🙂

    Thank you so much for all you do to help us with Godly wisdom as we raise our kids to love and serve our Saviour!

    • Dawn
  4. Dear Mrs.Pearl,
    Im very excited to read this book! To tell my situation is like telling 2 years of my life in full. I have a 2 year old, and from reading your books, i've been looking at him and seeing what type he will be. I know its probly hard to see it now, im actually seeing alot of command man, and a little bit of visionary and even less of steady! But im excited to see what he will turn out to be when he is older. When he was younger, he used to not want to go in the nursery, and used to be real "clingy". Now, its like his most favorite place in the world. He would strut in and go straight to the cars. (Which is his absolute favorite toy.) He is my most favorite person in the world, though raising him is a challenge. I wish i could sit down and tell you everything and get your advice. Thanks for all the books!

  5. I'm writing for the second time. My son, John is 14 and I am clueless what type of boy he is out of steady and command. As I watch him interact with kids of any age - he leads. He is always very much the one in charge. As he responds to me, his mom, I can see where if he was not the child, he would very happily take charge! I'm still trying to figure out how to see Mr. Steady in a child. I really can't wait to read your book.

  6. I can't wait for this book I have 1 girl and 5 boys. And wow are they bossy, creative, hard working,.and
    amazing . Sometimes I wish they got along with each other a bit better they are all so oppinionated:-)
    But I love them dearly and wouldn't trade them or our wild house just find the strong ideas they have about everything... You should see their impression of girls fixing their mascara it'.s a hoot ! Watch out girls they do not care for the made-up kind. Anyway I 'll be praying for you

  7. I have 4 boys and I often struggle with the type of mothering each boy need as they are all so very different. I'm looking forward to reading this book! Praying for God to use this just as He has all other things He's lead me to read of yours! Thanks for you willingness to share your wisdom! We all appreciate it more than you know.

  8. I raised 3 boys. The first 2 were very intelligent; they were highly visual and auditory and kinesthetic in their learning styles. The 3rd boy was highly kinesthetic, but not strong in auditory and visual learning styles. He required much different parenting and teaching. He was motivated in much different ways; his needs and talents were entirely different. My first 2 boys were my only experience with children. Recognizing he was different from his first few months, I gave him much more latitude and relaxed expectations, allowing him more time to develop his ability to meet expectations the other 2 had achieved at an earlier ages. He has consistently achieved and matured 2 to 3 years behind the others. Because he was #3, he did not get as much individual attention as the others before him. So this has slowed down his development toward maturity. At 19 yrs he is in no hurry to get his drivers license; much of his development is comparable to a child of 15. I see this as a developmental issue, not a character issue.

    Sometimes he was not responsive to my commands.; even defiant. Making the consequences more severe would not have changed his heart. He needed time and patience; so I gave him time and patience his heart. Mourning the loss of his father in divorce was a confusing issue for him. He has since become much more respectful and obedient.

    The Pearls' methods are to be used with common sense. One size does not fit all. I applied them according to the individual needs and abilities of each particular child. I believe this is what the Pearls' are intending.

  9. By the way, I homeschooled all 4 of my children while I was at home with my husband, and continued this after separation and divorce. They rarely saw their father during the separation and divorce because of being in different states.