I went on a shopping trip with my husband to get a birthday gift for my now-four-year-old son. As we walked through the store, everywhere I looked were layaway signs. Christmas is coming and people are excitedly putting stuff on layaway for the big day. But the sad thing is that there was not one thing in that whole store—no matter the cost—that will be worth a thing 20 years from now. It will soon be just thrown-away trash.

A few weeks ago my husband and I put something on layaway; our little baby boy went to be with Jesus. He was only a couple inches long, yet he was a soul, a life, a baby. One day when we all see Jesus, we will see a multitude of children by his side—yours, mine. They will all be rejoicing that we have walked with the Lord and that we have served their King, the Father to the fatherless.

when children die

When you put something in layaway at a store, you are excited knowing it is there waiting until you can bring it home. It is yours, just in safekeeping. You are not mournful or even sad that it is not with you right now, but excited and maybe a little impatient to see it.

That is how I feel about my baby. He is in safekeeping. I am excited to think that he is waiting for me to come to him. I am excited to know that I have a very special gift waiting for me. I cannot mourn, but rejoice in the knowledge that I have a gift waiting for me in layaway. I am so thankful to the Lord that he is my Father.  My Father has seen fit to give me the best gift of all, a blessing from the Lord, a child, a son, my little Abiel Brand.

In remembrance of my layaway child.

— Shalom