Asked & Answered - Brother in Christ

QUESTION:

Dear Pearls,
I want to begin by thanking you for all of your guides on living biblically and according to God’s will. They have helped a couple who has recently come to the Lord, who both came from broken divorced homes. With no real example of a good marriage, and no good example of how to raise our kids to know the Lord. We ask for wisdom all the time because it can be incredibly difficult to understand the right way to handle a situation without being self-righteous or judgmental/condemning. I, the father, want so badly to teach my children how to make godly choices, but I myself have only just begun to know there is such a thing. I want my kids to know the love Christ has shone in our hearts and to protect them from the childhood I had. I have read many examples you have given on teaching your children about sin. How should I deal with sins of the unsaved grandparents? Or other family members for that matter? We have given them the gospel, but it has been totally rejected. My mother has lived with her boyfriend for 7 plus years. We only came to the Lord three years ago and we never seen it as an issue until our eyes were open to it. Recently, she has been pushing for my 6-year-old son to call him “Grandpa”, but it doesn't sit right with me. He is really nice, and has honestly been a good grandpa figure, and helped my wife and I out greatly. My first thought is how can he be Grandpa if he isn't married in? I don't want to be insulting to him, but I'm so tired of all the sin that was normalized for me growing up, that anytime I see it, I want my kids to know what it is, and how damaging it is, lest they fall into the traps my wife and I did and be carried away by the enemy. I don't want any sin to be "normal" for them. I'm willing to stand against sin, having been through the wringer myself, I just need to know how to do it properly and with grace.
~Thank you

ANSWER:

Dear Brother in Christ,
Thank you for taking the time to write to us and we are so happy to hear of your walk of faith!
As soon as I read your e-mail I couldn't help but think of 2 Peter 1. It seems you have accomplished verse 4 - you are looking to accomplish five through 7 – and in verse 8 Peter says that the goal is not only attainable, but fruitful!
2 Peter 1:4 Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
5 And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; 6 And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; 7 And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.
8 For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
I understand that you feel like you are starting your walk of faith later in life, and that somehow puts you at a disadvantage.
I don't think that's true.
While there are certainly habits and difficulties that you will have to deal with, if you look at the people who Christ chose to spend time with, it was not the ones who were brought up in the temple that got things right, it was the ones to whom much was forgiven. Remember the woman that washed Christ’s feet with her hair? Many around Christ didn't understand why she would do that, but Jesus said wherever the story of his life went, the story of her sacrifice on his behalf would also go.
Trust that the Spirit that now resides in you will complete His perfect work in you. Walk in faith and add to that faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, godliness, brotherly kindness, and charity.
The real crux of the question that you're asking me is the dividing line between godliness and charity.
Fortunately, the Bible has a great answer for us!
1 Corinthians 5:9 I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators: 10 Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world. 11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.
In other words, Paul says when we are dealing with a non-believer, we should not expect them to act like a Christian. If my wife and I took our kids to a Christian’s house who's living in fornication, our kids will begin to expect that that is an acceptable way of doing life. If instead, I take my kids to someone's house that is not a believer and in sin, we're going as missionaries to the world, and we are separate from that lifestyle.
I would use that as a platform to teach my children the value of righteousness in our lives. I would have a conversation on a regular basis before we go to their house emphasizing my desire for them to understand the goodness of God and be changed by that. I would be careful to explain to my kids that we are not better than Grandma and her boyfriend, we're just saved by the grace of God and we long for Grandma to experience that grace as well. My emphasis would not be on the fornication but on the lack of faith in Christ. I would tie that faith to obedience to the Word of God, and let my kids know that we don't live that way because we're Christians and we follow Christ.
Every trip to Grandma's house would end with us at home talking about our opportunity to share Christ’s love with Grandma and her boyfriend. I would say things like, “Man, I love Grandma, she was such a good mom; I hope she comes to love Jesus before she dies because I do not want her to go to hell!”
I would ask the kids if they got the chance to tell Grandma how much Jesus loves her. We would then have a time of prayer for our home and for opportunities and boldness to share Christ.
It is a fine line to walk, but handled correctly, you are not exposing your kids to sin, you're exposing your kids to the mission field and sharing with them a passion to share Christ.
As to what name to call her boyfriend, that's up to you. In Hawaii, where we spent several years, the honorable title for an older lady was “auntie”, whether she was related or not. There is no biblical mandate for a title; it is a cultural issue, and you must prayerfully make that decision. I will say that my wife and I purposed when our kids were young to recognize that they are our first responsibility, and that social niceties come in a distant second.
Finally, don't give up hope. It might take years, but the love of God is attractive. Display it, walk it, and enjoy it in the presence of your family.
Acts 16:31 And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house. 32 And they spake unto him the word of the Lord, and to all that were in his house.
May God bless your walk of faith,

Nathan Pearl