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Beware: Book Banned by Pastor

December 15, 2007

Dear Debi,

I have to tell you a crazy story. Keep in mind that we go to a conservative church. Several of the people homeschool and use your child-training literature, including us. I finally got around to ordering Created To Be His Help Meet when my marriage seemed to be falling apart. I had really thought I was honoring God in my relationship toward my husband, yet I felt like I was living in prison, with him as my jailer.

I couldn’t put the book down. It was just so liberating. I finally understood what God meant for me as a wife to be like, and I loved it. My husband REALLY loved it. It is like a fairy tale, it is so good. I was thrilled when my husband handed me $200 and told me to buy a case of the books to give away at church. It was like giving out miracles.


Two Sundays later, our pastor stood in the pulpit and said that he was banning Created To Be His Help Meet from the church members, because it was too divisive. He said if we owned one, we were to throw it away. We were shocked. He has never banned church members from watching X- or R-rated movies. He has never banned anything, so why a simple marriage book?

After church, we asked our pastor what was in the book that was not right. He told us it was not because the book was not Scriptural, but because it was divisive, and therefore not good for the church body. My husband told him our marriage had been almost over, but because I had read Created To Be His Help Meet, we are more in love than we ever were.

Our pastor admitted he had not even read the book, but that several women had come to him insisting that he ban the book because it causes conflict. Are a few women going to decide what the rest of us are ALLOWED to read? If they don’t like it, we will not DEMAND that they read it, so why do they DEMAND that the rest of us not be ALLOWED to read it?

So, now our church is really in an uproar, because a dozen or so couples are wonderfully in love for the first time in their marriage, having already read the book before the BANNING. It is hard to keep our mouths shut. Others want to know how the miracle happened…but our pastor says it is against “the law” of the church…the ONLY law our church has ever had.

This blows our minds.

– A happy wife in Texas

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24 comments on “Beware: Book Banned by Pastor”

  1. Reading the email of the gal who’s church ‘outlawed’ Helpmeet. I am writing to say that I am experiencing very similar results (and my loving ‘Command Man’ encouraged me to email you!) Firstly, I am blessed by the Created to Be His Helpmeet. My husband and I are thanking the Good Lord for the materials. We have by the grace of God a glorious marriage! Additionally, we have been encouraged to ‘come along side’ some troubled couples at our church (by the church counselor~she meets with folks having marriage troubles. Additionally, she and her husband head up/plan the materials for the marriage retreats at our very large church.) We’ve done so in a respectful and loving manner (mainly by inviting them into our home for some hospitality~where we have been able to build a rapport and leading by example. When the conversation (privately and not so privately…swings over to the wife ‘grumbling about how her husband needs to change’…Which by the way it is like clock work, it invariably ALWAYS goes to that level. I am then able to very graciously share my own walk and let the woman in these scenarios hear about how your book ‘Helpmeet’ has really blessed my husband and I tremendously. Then I simply offer the extra copy I have for the dear troubled wife to read (each of these wives has taken the book to read). I additionally ask for her to please pray to the Lord before she reads ‘asking the Lord for wisdom to receive His truths’.

    Well, the other similarity I share with the gal who’s pastor banned Helpmeet~is that I received a call from our church’s ‘counselor’~the same gal who referred these troubled couples to us. She stated the following: (I believe the grumbling wife I shared the book with must’ve ‘grumbled’ about Helpmeet too!) That
    “I needed to be cautioned that this book is not ‘of God’.”
    “It is not Scripturally based” And that I should use my Bible as a reference when I am reading any book”. *Note: I found it ironic and disturbing that she would say this (because as you know ~Mrs. Pearl, you have us ladies digging into the Word of God at a deep level of study and prayer unlike any previous ‘study’ I ever participated in… The Church ‘counselor’ then proceeded to share with me that her daughter years ago asked her to do a study together of you guessed it…Helpmeet. How awesome to do this as a Mother Daughter! She shared with me that she ‘had a weird feeling when reading the book’ and had to tell her daughter half way thru the study that she ‘just could not and would not continue this study’. (How sad. And how concerning that she has been exposed to the book and still didn’t make the connection of Bible study included in it!)
    When I respectfully and gently mentioned that I have my KJV right there with me as I read and study. She proceeded to tell me that that is basically an ineffective version of the Word of God. She recommended: ‘The New Century Bible’. I’ve never heard of this (but did a little research on it and it appears to be a very disturbing ‘version’.) Some reviews call it a ‘Feminists Bible’, a Gender Neutral Bible and witholds important portions of verses. The conversation turned to her letting me know that sharing this book was like me ‘being Job’s friends who were not spreading the truths of God’ and ‘they were only forgiven as a result of Job praying for them’. When I hung up I wept. Not for my ego, but for the sadness in my heart I felt for the counselor, our church and the marriages that are being destroyed by the lies of the enemy. My heart is so heavy even 3 days after the call because you see…I both my husband and I have suffered the devastating effects of ‘ruined marriages’ as a result of the enemies attacks. We have divorces from our pasts (when neither had the Lord). We have ‘carnage’ that includes heartbroken ‘ex spouses’, saddened ‘ex-inlaws’, consequences of the kid’s lives being ripped in many directions due to self centered decisions of divorce. All that said, by the incredible love and grace of our Almighty redeemer, Jesus Christ we now have a clear picture of our mistakes and a real life relationship with Him and a marriage the way in which HE designed it. Our children know and love our Lord…Our wounds are healed (we are so fortunate that our Lord brought us together after such dumb lives before HIM!)..and we know our Lord wants us to take the horrific experiences and share in a loving way…HIS ways.
    I remembered after this call…back a year ago when I had the opportunity to ‘lead a women’s Bible Study’ at our Church. I was told I had the ‘choice’ of what book to use…When I naturally, shared it would be the ‘Created to Be His Helpmeet’~I got a ‘No, the ladies in the church will not take the class~it’s just to controversial’. My reply was ‘well if only 1 lady takes it, I would consider it worth it!’ I was then told ‘It will offend too many ladies’ and I was not allowed to do it.
    I also recall a comment last year when our Pastor’s wife mentioned in passing to me that the Helpmeet’ book is ‘a little too traditional and old fashioned’.

    The ‘counselor’ suggested I take a more popular Bible study by ‘Beth Moore’…something like that would be more acceptable. Naturally, you can figure out that these are the ‘popular Bible study’s’ that the church offers (‘tickling of the ears’~so Scripture refers!) I’ve had my fill of those (I think of the Scripture reference to being a baby with milk!) Well, I’ve asked the Lord for ‘Wisdom’ and I believe He has been providing it!

    I am standing firm on the Lords plan for man and wife. I know He is bigger than the attacks of the enemy. I shouldn’t and am not surprised by the ‘rebellion’ against this study. Your book warns us gals. I couldn’t help but remember one of your points (Mrs. Pearl) where you mentioned something like… ‘ask how their marriages are going’.
    When I reflect on that question it hit me. The counselor who is ‘cautioning me not to share this book’~has a marriage in which it appears that she is ‘in charge’…aka she’s in the role of the financial provider, the spiritual leader of her household, etc.,.

    I will continue to pray for her and her husband. And for the ‘Truth of the Lord’ to be spread to hurting couples.

    I would dearly love to hear back from you~My husband and I are truly thankful for your materials (we have both read the ‘Train up Your Child’ and really appreciate it’!).

    It’s such a travesty that the Church is opposed to the Truth of the Lord for a Glorious marriage. No wonder there are so many stinkin’ divorces. UGH!

    If you have time my husband and I would love to hear back from you~We are praying about how to best/whether to address this with the church and it’s leadership.

    Lords Blessing to you!
    Signed a 45 year old Saved, FORMER ‘blind to the Truth of God’, odious, corporate executive who was living in the lie of ‘have it all’ from the enemies rule book…Previously empty~bitter, non feminine, feminist…NOW prudent, good, joyful, thankful, gentle, lovely, feminine~ HELPMEET to my loving, Godly, strong, Command Man (who by the way takes care of me (his Queen!)…setting the Godly example for our lovely daughter thru the Grace of our God~I am sooo Thankful for His redemption. I am awe of God’s sweet Grace!
    Thanks for sharing HIM with us wives! Wendy

  2. I am stunned to read such things. I have often found it strange for a church to ban a book, as I have a brother who cannot read a long list of helpful books. I will be in prayer over this issue and for all involved. May God bless the mouths of those who address this issue in any way. May God shut the mouth of Satan as well.
    My mother and I have been taking about how to empower our spouse through confidence in his abilities. We have noticed how our society immasculates men on a regular basis, especially in the mainstream media. So many media men are unintelligent, incapable and not at all good examples, while the women take charge and are smart, level-headed and well equipped to do the job at hand. It is sad to see men being cut down in the roles they were designed for.
    May God bless you all.

  3. Oh my goodness, I can relate to the happy wife in Texas. In my case, I wasn’t reading the “Created” book, but another one that revealed Scriptures differently than we hear at church. Our pastor said the exact same thing, word for word. Interesting that the Scriptures themselves are divisive, yet we don’t throw them out. Or are they next?
    We are at home now, with my husband leading us, so we can keep the 7th day Sabbath (the 4th commandment). We need to obey God, not man.

    Bev W.

  4. I can relate to this topic, only I was the 1 the Pastor was forbidding other Mothers to talk to. I had sent out an email to Mothers in a Mom’s group I had joined at the church of a Christian school I had my daughter enrolled at for Kindergarten. I had copied/pasted an article called “Christian Men Who Hate Women”, which described religious masogynists. I did not include any links to where the article came from. The article described my husband exactly word for word. I asked the women to pray specifically for me in regards to that article. The Pastor accused me of giving those women links to ‘feminist’ websites! He told them that he forbids them from contacting me whether it’s thru email, phone, snail mail, in person, & that they’re to forward all emails I send them to him, so that he can deal w/me on his own. I met w/him in his office, w/his wife & they were very cold & aloof towards me. They then gave me #’s for non-Christian organizations to call, & recommended I go to a domestic violence shelter, as there’s nothing they’re able to do for me. He then told me that he forbids me from contacting those women, I’m not allowed to call them, nor email them, nor speak to them face to face & that he’s informed them of the same. I told him that he’s not my father, he’s a pastor & that I have a Father, my Heavenly Father, & I’m to be obedient to Him & His Word, & that he, as my Pastor, has no right telling me who I, or anyone else for that matter, can speak to. After that, I was treated as if I had the black plague. Even my children, who were then 5 & 2yrs old, were mistreated by the Pastor’s daughter, who forbid her daughter from speaking to mine. & the straw that broke the camel’s back happened at a Sunday lunch fellowship outside, when I needed help getting my children’s food, not 1 person helped us, when I asked them. & then when the Pastor & his wife were going around to each table, speaking to their guests, they totally ignored me & my children. That was the last time I ever went back to their Sunday services. & when my daughter graduated from Kindergarten, I removed her from that school, which overcharged us, but allowed children from Kenya to attend thru a scholarship program, which wasn’t available to my children. I had had it w/church after that, & didn’t attend for a whole year, but I had studied at home, by the guidance of the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit). I now go to a Messianic Fellowship & prayerfully believe that this is where I’m to stay until Yeshua haMashiach comes back! I have such a deep hunger for the meat of the Word, & am filled w/the joy of Adonai! I’m also very thankful to haShem & blessed that HE led me to your site, as my questions are being answer thru your site! Baruch haShem!

  5. Anyone who is in a church or any other organization that does not allow you freedom to read or speak or relate to others at your own discretion needs to leave that. God gave us freedom of choice, a will, and he expects us to use it and allow others the same. It’s called love. It is frightening to me that in this day there are some who would willingly submit to having their freedom taken away. satan is the author of control. The Helpmeet book is not advocating letting anyone control you unrighteously, it is you CHOOSING to allow the other person to lead-NOT CONTROL-in a relationship that is centered in Christ. You still retain your freedom to do what is necessary should that leadership go against God’s will.
    My friend called the book, “The book I love to hate” and we laughed because it IS extrememly difficult to CHOOSE to allow another person to lead when you feel they have lead abusively or non-righteously in the past (when you were weak and vulnerable). But the Lord is drawing a group of us in our area to know we have to submit to turn things around to God’s way. It’s the only workable answer.
    Thank you Debi for following God and sharing that walk.

  6. WOW I am absolutely speechless that churches would react in this manner to this book. But really I shouldn’t be surprised; it seems these modern churches are run and operated by women who are mislead by spirits the likes of Juanita Bynum and the like.
    Your book is A BLESSING to those that can receive it and understand it.
    I may not yet be strong enough to do everything in the book but that doesn’t mean I think the book is wrong — it is I that must grow stronger in implementing it’s practices!
    That book goes right along with scripture and makes perfect sense for the order of The Most High and His Son.
    Blessings upon you and your husband, Sis. Pearl. Y’all have been given something that the rest of us NEED if we are going to get through being married in the Western World alive!!!

    Your book has certainly made an impression in THIS house. And even if I can’t get my wife-friends to listen to it at all — I praise Yahweh El Shaddai for MY household being blessed to read your book and receive that which Yahweh had for US!!!

    Thank you Thank you and Thank you!

  7. Wow. I haven’t read the book but would like to and can’t believe that pastors are banning the book. In all honesty, I’d be looking for a new church, one that focuses on the husband leading the household and the wife striving to be a Proverbs 31 woman, and yes, being your husband’s helpmeet! The ladies in our small church strive to do just that and have a whole Bible study around it. I hope the ladies with the difficulties have found your answer and peace in the situation!

  8. Thank you, thank you! I am nou married for 38 years & for the 1st time in my married life I am happy & see a future because Helpmeet taught me how to handle situations that in the past got me frustrated, etc. My husband is not born again yet, but the way Help M has changed me , he is busy changing like I cannot describe! We have wonderful conversations, there is unity between us, he is starting to generate a good income that never happened before – he is 64 years young. I look forward to the next 40 years with him! I live in South Africa & one of our pastors wives is helping a group of women to work thru Help M. We have various groups busy with Help M. Even my married daughter is in our group & I thank Father that He let His ancient paths be made known to so many women. It is actually so easy to implement it in my everyday life – I have no worries anymore – I made my husband (whether saved or not) the king, priest & prophet of our home & he is starting to become it without me trying to change him!!!!! I honour & worship You Almighty Father.
    Bless you Debi

  9. Wow! My husband is a Pastor and he doesn’t ban anything. He will preach on modesty in dress or the TSA naked scanners and groping in the airports and recommend a boycott as we do, but he knows he has no power to force anybody to do anything, it has to be their choice! Anything other than that is Preacher worship.

  10. While I agree absolutely – no literature should be banned for any reason to any adult that wishes to procure it – I DO find it somewhat ironic that proponents of the book find it frightening that ‘in this day there are some who would willingly submit to having their freedom taken away’, when that is essentially exactly the what the book seems to advocate: The completely and absolute submission of a wife to her husband.

    I really don’t see the distinction between allowing someone to ‘lead’ vs. ‘control’. They both amount to the same thing: Taking over one person’s decision making power.

    Personally, having lived in the third world, having seen patriarchy at its most fundamental, at its most ugly, I believe I have seen the impact that such an ideology can have on women, if the men are a little less gentle, a little less kind, a little less ‘Christian’ than they ought to be.

    It’s absolutely horrible.

  11. Too many times I have seen posts on a very specific but unnamed “Christian” mothers forum where they almost demand members go to videos by the Pearls be voted down (without being watched) and they brag about burning books (without even ever having read them!) They are VERY anti-disciple and utterly anti-man in many ways and have even verbally attacked other members for daring to call men heads of the family or admit even the smallest form of submission. These groups may seem nice on the outside of it but it’s members are sometimes the epitome of atheism. I am almost never surprised that Mr. Pearls videos have tons of dislikes even when it’s something I know in my heart to be good.

  12. Please look carefully at the way she uses scripture. She uses it out of context. This book has a lot of harmful things in it. As with all books there are some good things. The biggest thing to remember is that we are all made in the image of God and we are to be first bearers of His image before we are wives and mothers. Of course, we reflect that no matter what our role in life is. If all focus on this and practice His presence in everything we do each day our marriages will be ones that reflect to the world that God is with us. Happily married for 37 years!

    1. It is a common false allegation that scripture is being taken out of context, but then no examples are given. The same is true about claims that the book is harmful. There are countless testimonies of God restoring the marriages of women who made the choice to practice what is in Created. There are also many marriages like yours Beth, where couples found happiness in marriage without the book.

  13. Wow, how very sad.I guess they would have to ban the Bible to since that is divisive to some people.Shame on that pastor for not teaching on Gods Word for wives.If he had then this book would not be what he calls divisive. May we love God’s Word and way’s more then anything else. I have read and love to be encouraged by The Helpmeet book.

  14. Sorry to hear that but if the book is based on the bible and is in line with the bible then the verse comes to mind I would rather obey God than man. The pastor can’t tell you what to do that’s your choice unless it is against the word of God I would keep reading it

  15. We live in Mexico City. We attended a very conservative (homeschooling, no TV, no wine, or any kind of alcohol beverage, no movies, no newspapers, no “bad” Christian books, no music other than hymns… But also no joy, no sincerity, no right to think for ourselves… almost all the children were involved in worldly activities or some kind of immorality, causing much suffering to their parents) and also controlling and abusive church, so we stopped attending the meetings. The pastors of that church banned Created to be his help meet, but I find it truly Scriptural and don’t think that a pastor has the right to ban our thinking right. The reason is that in that church, the pastor is the wife’s authority, even if obeying the pastor will be dishonoring, leaving or disobey your husband. They separated a lot of families because the husband did not obey the pastor’s will, so they told the wives to divorce and go away to prevent the “sinner” to get in touch with the children. They have hid some woman and their children, not allowing them to tell where they are, even to their own families (mom, dad and siblings). I suppose they banned it because it makes clear that a wife’s authority is her husband.

  16. I have to say I would question a Pastor that would say nothing to X or R rated movies and ban a book that seems to help marriages!! Something is wrong there.JMO

  17. I found this book to be wonderful advice and really enjoy all of their work as a ministry. I am surprised mostly that these seemingly liberal churches are the ones with the issue because, if anything, i have found this book to be less conservative than I am.

  18. A few months ago I left a Church that banned any books from the Pearls one year ago. In retrospect there are Churches – my husband put it this way ” if they can not grow upwards (to Jesus) they grow in their width ( making own rules) to justify their own existance.” Mine was a quite extreme example and I do not know if it applies on your Church, but I found out that Churches who have not the slightest Problem to encourage splitting families have often the same mechanism on how they operate:
    My husband – a typical King-type – gave me some good thoughts to think about: Men in general feel protective about their wife, children, Family. So if he senses spiritual abuse or sth threatens the marriage he wants to defend his Family. This is one of the reasons why men are likely more in trouble in certain Church Groups. Now, here comes the point: If there is tension in a marriage due to the Church or Churchleaders, why do they rather ban a helping book or at the most give some shallow marriage counselling with pointing out to be obedient to the church (quoting Matthew 10:37 f) because for them obedience to their organization = obedience to Jesus …?
    While at the same time you are threatened if you leave or do otherwise *you gonna be lost, *your children will go to hell, *your life will be miserable without the church.
    I tell you why there are Church Groups out there who have no Problem at all to seperate a father from a Family: Because it secures them at least the woman and the children as working-cattle. As Long as (“the worthless, rebellious..”) father is out it is easier to control wife and children, pressure them to stay by threats or “love-bombing” etc. and putting the husband down. A book that actually helps to restore a marriage and the love between husband and wife is a threat to them! It takes away their control. Because now the wife could appreciate her husband, see what he is actually doing for the Family, respect and love for each other would grow.
    I came to the conclusion anybody who has the slightest amount of respect and love towards God would not do this (splitting up) to others people marriages and to their children. There may be differences that from time to time come up, but as Christians we should always try to seek a conversation, counsel, improvement and peace than bashing and putting down others.

  19. I got quite a bit out of Created to Be His Help Meet, not just from the marriage aspect of it. I like the idea of meal planning and taking care of minor household repairs (some repairs should be left to the professionals).

    As for the pastor banning the book, the only woman that he is Biblically allowed to enforce the ban is his own wife. He is his wife’s head, not every married woman’s head.

  20. [email protected]

    Your pastor has shown himself to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Banning a book for being “divisive” even though he tells you that “…it was not because the book was not Scriptural…” and that he has not even read the book should tell you everything you need to know about him. He is not fit for church leadership and should be removed from the pulpit and expelled from the congregation at the earliest opportunity.

  21. Hi! I hope you’re still reviewing these comments, this seems to be an old post.
    As someone who stumbled across your website while looking for something quite different, I’m intrigued by this post. I’ll preface by saying that I haven’t read your book nor much of your website, but it seems like I’m the kind of person who would really dislike it (agnostic, feminist, all of that non-traditional stuff). But I believe that you should be free to read whatever books help you personally the most, so I’m really disappointed that these book bannings happened!