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Building Trust

December 15, 2009

While Gracie and Laila were sitting at the table, coloring, I saw two-year-old Laila start to color on the table. Stopping only long enough to tell her “no”, I went on to the kitchen sink. My back was turned and I could not see her. Gracie, my four-year-old, spoke up in an accusing sing-song voice, “Mama, Laila is writing on the table again.” I walked to the table and gave Gracie a little pop with the switch. “Don’t tattle-tale on your sister,” I said. “You sound as if you would be pleased for her to get into trouble. Tell her to stop coloring on the table, and if she will not listen, then you can tell me.” I had gone over this with Gracie the day before and explained to her the importance of seeking the best for her little sister.

In the past I have come across people, children and adults alike, that are not trustworthy. You can guarantee that they will take everything you say or do and run straight to Mom, or Pastor, and accuse the brethren. I remember as a child playing with children that were always saying, “I’m gonna tell my mama.” I thought it was mean and untrustworthy of them. And even now as a mother, I do not want my children being the accusers.

We desire to maintain a close enough relationship with our children that they are comfortable telling us everything. And knowing they will one day grow up and become members of society, I do not want to raise tattling adults that no one will trust. I seek to instill wisdom in my children so that they can discern right from wrong. Even at four years of age, I expect them to discern the difference between what Mom really needs to know and what is just tattle-telling.

I have even seen it in husbands and wives, where the wife holds her husband accountable by having their children tattle on him. She might not even know what she is doing, but by listening to her children tell on Daddy, she is rewarding them. She should be teaching them not to talk about things that are none of their business.

A man and his thirteen-year-old son are on their way home and see a car broken down on the side of the road. They stop to help, and it happens that the driver is an attractive woman. That night the son tells Mom about them stopping to help a woman. “Was she good-looking?” “Oh, yeah! Very!” The mother is upset and goes to father and demands, “Why did you not tell me you stopped and helped a lady?” “I forgot about it.” The fight is on.

The Bible says that “The heart of her husband doth safety trust in her.” The wife is not building trust; instead she is becoming the accuser and using her son to get information to hold against her husband. Teach your children to be trustworthy, honest, and not accusers of the brethren so they can become good elders of the church and good wives that deserve their husband’s trust.

I have just scratched the surface of this subject that’s so important to training our kids to be happy, productive adults. I am going to write more about this topic soon. If you have any comments or questions, send them to me at [email protected] and add “Building Trust” in the subject line. I would love to hear from you!


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18 comments on “Building Trust”

  1. Thank you for this article. It gave a very clear answer to a question I have had for quite some time about how to deal with tattling. My daughter is still too young to even talk, but I teach children at our church and tattling and how to deal with it in my own children has long been an issue with me.
    Thank you!

  2. Thank you for addressing this. I've tried to teach my children the difference between telling to help (as in, "Mom, sister is climbing the silo and I'm afraid she'll fall!") and telling to hurt (to get them in trouble). That seems to make good sense to them.

  3. When God gave peter the vision about the sheet coming donw with the various animals, and said to peter kill and eat. And peter said "i have never eaten unclean food". Was that refering to unclean food or was it refering to preaching to the Gentiles.

  4. I appreciate your insight on this matter. We have observed this bad habit in one of our children...your article is timely for us.
    thank you for sharing.

  5. Hi, re first and second resurrections mentioned in Rev20:4-6.....first resurrection is of the martyred Christians during the reign of anti-Christ. They will live and reign with Christ for 1000 yrs. 1Thes 4:16 says that the dead in Christ will rise first at the rapture. If the first resurrection is of the Believers martyred during the reign of anti-Christ, doesn't that logically put the rapture directly following the reign of anti-Christ? Does the phrase in 1 Thes 4:16 speak to the resurrection of the dead in Christ, as I understand it to?

    I'd sure like to know the truth regarding the various doctrines that have separated believers from one another for so long. I think that 1Cor 1:10 still applies to the church today, right?

    I still don't understand where some people come up with the idea that people get saved during the tribulation. Once the Bridegroom has closed the door, does He open it again?

    Also, in Matthew 24:15--- Jesus speaks to His disciples as ..."when "you"...see this or such and such. & pray that "your" flight is not on....

    There's only one way to rightly divide it and that's what the Church on earth needs to promote as its' doctrine. We've become too politically correct with regards to doctrinal differences.

    What do you think?
    Can those who truly seek Christ and His truth be brought to unity of doctrine while living in this sin-soaked world?

    I pray so. As I understand it, so did Jesus in John 17:21.

    God's blessings on you and yours.


  6. whoa, nellie!

    Look at Gen 4:16.

    "Then Cain went out from the presence of the Lord and dwelt in the land of Nod on the east of Eden."
    17 "and Cain knew his wife.............

    Isn't Eden an area?
    Wherever it is, Nod is on the west of it, and that's where Cain lived.....Is Cain from another planet?

    Just like if I lived in Tennesee and said, "Westward in California, there live many alien life-forms.", it's clear that I'm speaking of someplace west of my current position, called Californication.

    You're scarin' me here. Lotsa' my relatives are Mormon and talk about other planets and such.......I don't know that I've ever heard another Christian preacher referring to Eden as a planet.

    Hep me out.

  7. Hi Chris, I believe the marters are mainly Jews for the church
    has been raptured. So the dead in Christ is all those who have died in faith before the rapture. The Church is enjoying the dinner feast with the lord for we are not appointed to His wrathe. The best resourse I have ever read regarding these issues is the Eight Kingdoms by Micheal Pearl. I believe a lot of confusion regarding the times of end time events in the word is not understanding the Kingdom of heaven and the Kingdom of God Parables in the 4 gospels. Jesus address both Kingdoms with different vital information. Things become very clear when understnading this. I am not part of this ministry just a believer sharing that God cleared up a lot of misunderstandig I had regarding the rapture and the coming of the Lord and who He is addressing in the word. Check out that book, you will be blessed.

  8. I have to agree regarding the book "Eight Kingdoms". Very well written and conclusive. This book opened my eyes regarding many topics I, and many others, were and are confused about.

  9. I've worked in a daycare for a couple years and we always tell the kids "Only tell if someone is bleeding or going to get hurt." Kids are smart. And they do it.

  10. I love this article! I also used to work in a daycare, and previously lead the Children's Ministry at our church, on top of babysitting regularly- so I have heard my fair share of tattle-tales! My line has always been- "You worry about you." Meaning that explain to them that if they are doing what they know they should be doing, and they know no one is in danger of being hurt, that is all they need to worrt about. I cannot tell you how many times a child has run to me, almost in tears even, because someone took something they had been playing with (or something similar); to which I simply respond: "Did you try asking her if you could please have it back?" Only to see a stunned look come across their face, and hear "Ummm, no." Of course, 9 out of 10 times they run back to their offender and once they ask for the toy they promptly recieve it back- to their astonishment! It's amazing to me that it seems that no one has ever taught them to simply, ask for the item to be returned. It does make sense though, when you consider the adults that behave this way, if they would only attempt to solve their "concerns," by communicating openly with others, how much less deception and false acusations there would be!

  11. The English word "rapture" is not in the Bible. However, "rapture" comes from the Latin verb "rapere" (to catch up, carry away) which was used in Latin renditions of 1 Thes 4:17 to translate "harpagesometha" (the exact form found there of the Greek verb "harpazo"). In the KJV "harpagesometha" is translated "shall be caught up". Thus, "rapture", in its meaning of "being caught up or away", is found in 1 Thes 4:17.

  12. Thank you so much, Mr. Pearl, for simply explaining things about the rapture and the end times in a way that anyone can understand. I feel so much better just knowing that God doesn't expect us to fully know all the details! I am most relieved to finally have someone show me plainly that the rapture and the second coming of Christ are not the same thing! I don't know a lot about end-time events, such as the issues brought up by "Chris" in the first comment, but I don't think it matters, since all I need to be concerned about is that I am God's child and will go to be with Him in the rapture, and we'll find out the rest when we need to, in God's time!
    1 Thess. 4:16-18 "For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore comfort one another with these words."

  13. It's a very good concept, and I would really like to be able to know how to deal with it.
    "I am going to write more about this topic soon." Where can I read the rest of it?