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Created for Him?

June 14, 2013
Created for Him?

Were you created to be his help meet…not HIS (Jesus’) help meet but “his” (hubby’s) help meet…helper to a mere fallen man?

If you are a real believer in Christ, if you truly want to serve and honor God, and if you are in awe of God’s Word, then you will know that your marriage oath is indeed sacred. Regardless of your husband’s short comings; regardless of your drive to be God’s helper—ministering as you feel led; regardless of your lack of personal fulfillment in the direction he takes the family, God’s ultimate will for you, the very reason you were created and became part of a union of two, is so you can fill the role as helper to your husband. Your role is not to help by being his mother or his enforcer, or the Holy Spirit convicting him of his sin, but a helper to his vision of life regardless of how small or unfulfilling that vision may be.


When you smile at him as he enters the room…your smile is an honor to God. If you are married to a worthless lump of selfish so and so, your smile may be a sacrifice but that makes it all the more a service to God. Your calling in life is to learn to listen with all joy to him; talk of his projects, plans, ideas, and hopes instead of directing the conversation to your interests and needs and visions. Your life should be dedicated to helping him realize his full potential, or limited potential, as it may be.

The day we take our vows we all think we will be an encouraging, loving wife. If being a superb help meet were easy, everyone would have a wonderful marriage. The odds are against us, because nature is against us, the culture is against us, or our own selfish interests are contrary to God’s interest. Being a God ordained help meet does not come naturally. It is a labor and sacrifice of duty.

We bring to the marriage the many years of negative conditioning. Girls spend years watching their Moms dishonor Dad. The TV, movies, and modern culture are conditioning the next generation of girls to greater dishonor. Romance novels were written by women describing make-believe men who are gloriously sensitive and preposterously masculine. These make-believe characters and story-lines unreasonably warp reality and often cloud what a girl expects of Mr. Regular Joe Husband.

Christian girls come into marriage determined to be the help meet that God defines in his Word, but then we discover that the hubby is not the super-spiritual, romantic hero that he should be. A wall of frustration builds as our plans hit the fan. Our husbands become a bondage that holds us back from what we know we could have been. We become the person we so disliked when we were young girls, looking through the brightly-colored window of hope.

God set the rules into place, obviously for a variety of reasons; many I have yet to learn (and I am old). One very good reason is to maintain order. Someone has to be central and the other a follower. It is too bad that the best and most capable is not the leader, but as in any company or corporation, ability does not a president make. Often second fiddles play the best tunes while the first fiddle gets the credit. Two bosses are a catastrophe, especially if the bosses don’t agree. With confusion comes disorder, lack of appreciation for rule, and then, rebellion (usually the children’s).

God also set the rules into place in order to bring out the best in both the male and female. He did create us. He knows our psyche. He understands what makes us tick, how we can best grow and minister and what will make us conform more into his image, AND, in the end, how we can accomplish the most for eternity. He does see the big picture.

God created men with a NEED. God told us that it was NOT good that man should be alone. God called the woman a “help meet.” Men were created to need a helper, a cheerleader, a listener, a healer, as well as a host of other things that only a good woman can provide. All these are like balm to a man’s soul; they help him grow, make him stronger, better, more loving, and arm him to become all that God desires.

Men are fallen sons of Adam, and as such are totally selfish. As far as I know, most all men are fleshy, given to animal appetites. Some men are so cruel that regardless of what a wife does they still will be cruel. But all unfulfilled men, whether evil or good, are confused. Down in their souls many of these confused men really want to cherish their wives, but they struggle. They struggle because they were created to be honored, obeyed, and to have a help meet that helps them achieve their dreams.

The lack of having a proper help meet affects men in the strangest ways; almost like lack of nutrition or a disease weakens the body, causing organs or limbs to fail; so then, different parts of a man fail when they lack a good help meet. Some men just never mature, thus remain silly boys all their lives. Other men spend their lives frustrated (shows up as anger), which disrupts their ability to follow through with what they start. Often men, who don’t have an encouraging help meet will become despondent, thus will lack any drive to succeed. A great majority of these struggling guys simply lose interest in their wives (and eventually their children).

How does a man explain to his wife that he just wishes she would listen to him talk about his dreams and hopes, and even wants her to enjoy hearing about his rash ideas? Men can’t describe what is missing in their lives. It’s a feeling, a deep river of need that has nothing to do with the physical. They yearn for someone, even something, and when it is not found in their woman…well, the man seeks fulfillment from success, other people, or entertainment. There will come a time that he will no longer look to his help meet to meet this God-given need. This will naturally result in him losing interest in the one person who was created to meet this need. This lack of interest in a wife can show itself in the man spending long hours at work, being involved in other activities and/or it even reveals itself in the husband having a lack of sexual interest in his wife. Much like the body needs vitamins, minerals, and exercise to grow strong and healthy, a man’s soul was made to need a help meet that provides soul nourishment called encouragement.

created-to-need-a-help-meet-290x3601God set the marriage pattern for the good of the man and the woman. When a man’s soul needs are met through his woman, he will NEED her to stay content. His need for her will cause him to hunger for her attention. He will seek her out as his friend. He will want to please her. He will cherish her. He will desire to please her in intimate ways. It is in his best interest to take care of her because she is so necessary to his soul. It is the way of a maid to her man.

A help meet is not first a cook, cleaner, or even a mother. A help meet’s first ministry is to her husband, how she may PLEASE her man. If cooking healthy, being a super-neat housewife, or even being involved in a ministry (even if it is where people are REALLY getting saved) interferes in ANY way with your first, and foremost ministry of pleasing your man, then you are not pleasing God.

So, go back again and read Created to Be His Help Meet. Look up all the verses and mark them in your Bible with a special color. Ask God to make you into the woman he wants you to be. Drop all your extra outside activities that have made you too busy to remember your first love. PLEASE don’t say, “Tried that already and it didn’t work.” You should obey God because he is God.

A big portion of our ministry has been trying to fix—sometimes futilely—that which is so badly broken that it is like trying to put humpty dumpty back together again. Most women say divorce happens to them unexpectedly. They come in one day and their “godly” husband has packed his bags and left. At first, the wife is almost relieved he is gone because the underlying tension is over, but then, long nights, emotionally disturbed kids, tension between family members, and then single life really sets in. Being alone is not all that it is cracked up to be. Wolves are looking for lonely women with cute kids and you will soon find yourself so tired of being alone that you will consider a man, some other woman rejected, who is half the man of the husband you once scorned.

Being alone is an ugly phrase, a dishonor to God. It will not matter how poorly everyone thinks of your husband for leaving you for another woman…being alone is not what you want. Being alone starts while you are married. It is you slowly shutting the door; no welcoming smile, no meal prepared for him when he comes home from work, no encouraging word, off-handedly listening to his ideas and dreams; too busy rushing to ministry, games, classes, or whatever keeps you from being his soul mate.

…continued in Mike’s article, “Marriage Is God’s Finishing School

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10 comments on “Created for Him?”

  1. This is why we need God's grace. An elderly woman ill with Parkinsons who married a "beast" of a man may find herself alone despite all appearances of pleasing her man. The man may still not come-around. We all need God's grace and his eternal love.

  2. well, not sure that my English will be correct (I'm French), but I just could not read this and stay silent.
    What about considering the fact that in Genesis 1 God created the human being "male and female He created them"... and then in Genesis 2 the Bible relates us how God makes the 'Ezer kenegdo', that in hebrew means 'an help before him'? An help in a true partnership and not a servant?
    What about just considering how God is a God of Relationship and partnership, and that the Holy Trinity is all about relationship and mutual honour? What about the fact that God made us as He is... and then we realize that He couldn't make a unique human being, and that we only reflects Him in our relationshps and intimacy?
    What about treating each other with mutual respect and honour, regarding that there is "no Jew, no Greek, no male no female", but that my wife/my husband is also one of th beloved daughter/son of God?

    What about pouring true love into the Relationship, including telling your husband the truth, and sometimes make him face his lacks? True love includes telling the truth, true love does not implies obedience. Submission is all but obedience, they are as different as copying a painting is creative art. Submission does not implies that you have to forget who you are, what you need and what is good and bad. And as a wife, my submission toward my husband has to be considered in a global context where as christians we are supposed to submit to each other.
    Submission may implies that sometimes I will follow my husband's decisions even I would have taken another pathway, but it does not implies that I should stay silent if my man want t talk!

    And could you please quote one verse in the Scriptures to prove that being a wife is the first mission of a Christian woman? I basically would have said that as each chrisitan, my first mission is to serve the Lord, mission that includes being a support for my man.

    Once again, sorry for the mistakes I surey ade writing all this in englsh. And may our God be honoured.

    1. You compare the marriage relationship to the holy trinity, yet you fail to notice that the Word of God does not. The marriage relationship of a man and wife is compared to the marriage relationship of Christ and the church. So you have erred on that point. And since you have erred on that starting point, much of what follows is error as well. You can not start with error and expect to end up in truth. The issue is the marriage relationship as Created and established by God. This is not about our place in Christ. In Christ, salvation is equal for all. But in roles, there are differences. God created the woman to be a helper sufficient for her husband. After the fall into sin, God commanded that the wife be in subjection to her husband even as Paul preaches in Ephesians. This is not a demeaning of the woman as being less important, it is a matter of God ordained roles and responsibilities. It is about establishing order in the family. As the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands. That is the Word of God. So tell me, when does the church have equality with Christ? The church is the wife, Christ is bridegroom. Meditate on this and let Gods word be you guide. As a husband lives to be the Christ to his wife, not seeking his own needs, but his wife's, and the wife, seeking to honor, worship and submit to her husband as his "church", it will draw the two towards each other. This is God's design. But, I suppose modern Christianity has a better philosophy, better and new ideas based on partial points of scripture and denying the whole counsel of God to make marriages better. We have strayed so far from Gods truth, we can't recognize it when it shines so brightly before us. We are so engrossed with ourselves and our "modern" ideas, we don't have time to stop and listen to the whole counsel of scripture. The modern churches are not what they should be, not even close.

  3. "A help meet is not first a cook, cleaner, or even a mother. A help meet’s first ministry is to her husband, how she may PLEASE her man. If cooking healthy, being a super-neat housewife, or even being involved in a ministry (even if it is where people are REALLY getting saved) interferes in ANY way with your first, and foremost ministry of pleasing your man, then you are not pleasing God."

    absolutely correct

    i was beginning to wonder if there were ANY women left in the Western World who still were obedient to the LORD -- and to their husbands, despite their faults as fallen human beings

    don't let ANYONE talk you out of your obedience, Pearl, and be assured that it does please God, and serves as a desperately needed medicine to our times and nations, willful and full of rationalizations for plain rebellion

    keep up the good work

  4. Greetings In the Matchless Name Jesus Christ,
    I am so grateful that I stumbled upon this website NO GREATER JOY MINISTRIES. I read about this ministry and I know without a doubt that this is God Centered. I would like to know how I can sign up for emails to receive articles from you all. I am saved by grace and I am striving to live my life for Christ. I am not perfect and won't be until I am called home to God's Paradise, but in the meantime I want God's will for my life at this appointed time. I am so overjoyed, for what God has showed me through your ministry and this website. Thanks Again for your obedience and reaching out to the whole world, Your Sister In Christ, Xenia founder of Words From Wise Women Ministry "Each One Teach One Through the Truth of Our Testimony So that Others will know with Confidence That there is Hope for Their Situation"
    Bless You Bunches

  5. Amen! This lesson is never taught, in some demographics the opposite is both taught and expected. Thank you for words of encouragement to a wife and mother who believes this scriptural message with all her heart, but is living as a stranger in a strange land.

    Rom. 3:3-4
    For what if some did not believe? shall their unbelief make the faith of God without effect? 4 God forbid: yea, let God be true, but every man a liar; as it is written, That thou mightest be justified in thy sayings, and mightest overcome when thou art judged.

    The Word is the Word regardless of the beliefs of popular culture, experiences, or emotions.

    His ways are not or ways nor His thoughts our thoughts.

  6. It's a miracle of God's grace that my husband hasn't left me yet. I have benefited from his nature more than anything I have brought to this marriage. I have belittled him, criticized him, ranted and raved at him, disrespected him in front of the children and the final thing that really has threatened to extinguish any love he might have left for me is ignoring him.

    I started doing that a few years ago as I was tired of trying to tell him my worries and needs and not getting any response or effort. I determined that it was because he didn't care and so, in return, I didn't care anymore either. I learned to turn away from him with my conversation and attention and I stopped confiding or even looking at him much of the time. Well, that really hurt him. Happy now? Absolutely not. I am the most wicked and vile of women to hurt such a good, kind and loyal husband such as him. Any faults of his, any failings of his to not talk to me or listen to me were not intentional acts of hostility like mine were. I made a decision to act in a hateful way and I killed his love for me.

    And now? Now our marriage is broken. Now the things we used to take for granted, the intimacy, the affection, are dead. I do not know if they will ever return. We've been married for nearly 25 years and I have finally broken my own heart too, through pride and anger. May God have mercy upon me. I pray for a miracle now.

    Please don't do what I have done! It's a living hell on earth.