Dear Mr. Pearl (but answered by Debi who knows how crazy a woman can think),
I have read your book Created to Need a Help Meet and it has been very enlightening. However, I am having trouble translating some of that wisdom into action. For instance, in this article you write “relating to your wife with knowledge of her status as the weaker vessel.” I know this is critical, but I don’t know what action to take in response.
Lately, my wife has become very upset with my inability to know what she needs and when she needs it without her having to say something. Now, she knows that I have a mild form of autism and that the way my brain works doesn’t allow me to pick up on nonverbal clues, and that I tend to be very literal in how I speak; and while she outwardly claims to be understanding, our most recent argument revealed that she is very upset about it. She thinks even my most innocuous or kind words and actions toward her are motivated only by selfishness. Nothing could be further from the truth, but I’ve run out of ideas about how to convince her. I honestly don’t know what to do, and I’m beginning to lose hope that I ever will. Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated.
Just a confused young husband
Dear Confused Young Husband,
Females have this thing (especially young, newly married gals)—believing their husbands know exactly how they feel, what they want, and even what they are thinking. These sweet young brides get raging “hurt,” or maybe a better word would be MAD, when their husband is not sensitive to respond to these unknown needs. I know these things because I have counseled a thousand mad gals, and when I was young I too was guilty as charged. Mike was a real stinker!
A man can learn how to forestall such drama by hugging his dear wife at every possible occasion, looking at her with longing even though his mind is still working out a plumbing problem or mechanical issue. Good husbands learn to make happy noises when they are eating what the darling wife has cooked. A proper husband will often be heard telling folks (in her hearing) how amazed he is at what a gift from God he got when he married this wonderful (emotionally challenging) woman. Most girls finally grow up and learn to appreciate their man. It is amazing, but most females eventually come to really believe that men do indeed think differently than females.
So for all you young husbands who are trying to do the right thing, give this to your young wife and say, “Please just love me like I am and know that I am trying to figure out how to be your loving man.” No woman in her right mind could resist such an appeal. BUT, most girls are not in their right mind all the time, so maybe I should say, good luck.