Dear Pearls,

I have had 4 babies in the last 2 years. I already had 4 other young children. My husband does not share my conviction on trusting God in the area of how many babies we have. He has been very angry because I refuse any use of birth control.

I feel so alone sometimes. We are under such a strain. I must admit I dread coming together. My body is shot. My 4 older children are strangers to me and very disobedient. I am so weary from being pregnant, nursing or taking care of sick kids that I don’t have anything left to give them. My husband just stays away as much as possible. I don’t even know what I am asking except, help.

Deb answers,
The Bible clearly teaches that your husband is your head. He has the rule over you. You are to submit to him, obey him, honor him, and never usurp authority over him. I fear you have not submitted, not obeyed, and not honored. You got your “conviction” someplace other than the Bible. The Bible does not state that it is sin to use natural means to space your children, but it does state it is sin not to obey your husband. He should have the final say in birth control, unless he would employ a method that would abort a fertilized egg. It is your duty to trust God to direct your man.
Instead of your children being a blessing, they are an unwanted burden. To your husband they have become a symbol of your dishonor to him. You suffer, your children don’t have a daddy, and not much of a mother, and your marriage is failing. Go to your husband and tell him you are sorry, and humbly ask him to help you learn to honor him. When he sees your broken submission and willingness to honor his will, he will stop being so angry and, hopefully, begin to take more interest in the children.

A Further Note
I heard a tape from Focus on the Family that dealt with natural family planning. It is excellent. Again, I will stress, as a wife you can gather information on this subject and share it with your husband, but he is the head, and we as wives are clearly told we should submit to our husbands; not begrudgingly, but with thanksgiving. Anyway, the tape was excellent and so simple. It did not teach the difficult and unreliable “count your days plan” or the ridiculous “take your temperature plan.” The plan they suggested works! Trials were done in poor countries with large groups of uneducated women. Up to 98% of these women were able to know when they were fertile, and their husbands were thankful and very willing to be a part of the plan. Women who had never been able to conceive were now able to see that they were only fertile 2 hours each month, thus making conception a much greater possibility. One great benefit of this plan is that it allows women who are nursing to know when they are ovulating, even if they have not yet started a monthly cycle.
The plan teaches you how to quickly, easily, and accurately determine your fertility and mark it on a calendar using a color code. Red is your cycle days; brown, your dry non-fertile days; and white, your wet days which are fertile. It takes moisture for a seed to grow. Yellow is your caution days, which are dry but close to the white day. After listening to the tape, I ordered the book that teaches the plan. It is very simple with lots of pictures, charts, a calendar, and color stickers. For those couples using the plan, it only takes one glance at the colorful calendar to know where you are in your cycle and act accordingly. Your husband can view the calendar before he goes to work in the morning and pace himself accordingly. It is much easier than trying to explain it to him at the last minute. This training is so easy and effective that UCLA and Planned Parenthood have opposed it for years, trying to use the courts to prevent it from being taught.
It appears that this natural, common sense concept was known and understood by women down through the ages, because they lived close to the earth and knew the normal cycle of animals. The last generation has lost touch with nature and the simple knowledge that can ensure strong, healthy families.
For good information on natural family planning, check out these resources:
The cassette tape “Planning Your Family Naturally,” #CS 672, can be ordered from the following ministry for a suggested donation of $7.00:

Focus on the Family
Colorado Springs,
CO 80995

The book “Love and Fertility,” can be ordered for $19.95 plus $4.95 S&H from:

Family of the Americas Foundation
P.O. Box 1170
Dunkirk, MD 20754-1170
Email: [email protected]