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Do You Believe in Birth Control?

July 15, 2001

Dear Pearls,

I have had 4 babies in the last 2 years. I already had 4 other young children. My husband does not share my conviction on trusting God in the area of how many babies we have. He has been very angry because I refuse any use of birth control.

I feel so alone sometimes. We are under such a strain. I must admit I dread coming together. My body is shot. My 4 older children are strangers to me and very disobedient. I am so weary from being pregnant, nursing or taking care of sick kids that I don’t have anything left to give them. My husband just stays away as much as possible. I don’t even know what I am asking except, help.
M.T.

Deb answers,
The Bible clearly teaches that your husband is your head. He has the rule over you. You are to submit to him, obey him, honor him, and never usurp authority over him. I fear you have not submitted, not obeyed, and not honored. You got your “conviction” someplace other than the Bible. The Bible does not state that it is sin to use natural means to space your children, but it does state it is sin not to obey your husband. He should have the final say in birth control, unless he would employ a method that would abort a fertilized egg. It is your duty to trust God to direct your man.
Instead of your children being a blessing, they are an unwanted burden. To your husband they have become a symbol of your dishonor to him. You suffer, your children don’t have a daddy, and not much of a mother, and your marriage is failing. Go to your husband and tell him you are sorry, and humbly ask him to help you learn to honor him. When he sees your broken submission and willingness to honor his will, he will stop being so angry and, hopefully, begin to take more interest in the children.

A Further Note
I heard a tape from Focus on the Family that dealt with natural family planning. It is excellent. Again, I will stress, as a wife you can gather information on this subject and share it with your husband, but he is the head, and we as wives are clearly told we should submit to our husbands; not begrudgingly, but with thanksgiving. Anyway, the tape was excellent and so simple. It did not teach the difficult and unreliable “count your days plan” or the ridiculous “take your temperature plan.” The plan they suggested works! Trials were done in poor countries with large groups of uneducated women. Up to 98% of these women were able to know when they were fertile, and their husbands were thankful and very willing to be a part of the plan. Women who had never been able to conceive were now able to see that they were only fertile 2 hours each month, thus making conception a much greater possibility. One great benefit of this plan is that it allows women who are nursing to know when they are ovulating, even if they have not yet started a monthly cycle.
The plan teaches you how to quickly, easily, and accurately determine your fertility and mark it on a calendar using a color code. Red is your cycle days; brown, your dry non-fertile days; and white, your wet days which are fertile. It takes moisture for a seed to grow. Yellow is your caution days, which are dry but close to the white day. After listening to the tape, I ordered the book that teaches the plan. It is very simple with lots of pictures, charts, a calendar, and color stickers. For those couples using the plan, it only takes one glance at the colorful calendar to know where you are in your cycle and act accordingly. Your husband can view the calendar before he goes to work in the morning and pace himself accordingly. It is much easier than trying to explain it to him at the last minute. This training is so easy and effective that UCLA and Planned Parenthood have opposed it for years, trying to use the courts to prevent it from being taught.
It appears that this natural, common sense concept was known and understood by women down through the ages, because they lived close to the earth and knew the normal cycle of animals. The last generation has lost touch with nature and the simple knowledge that can ensure strong, healthy families.
For good information on natural family planning, check out these resources:
The cassette tape “Planning Your Family Naturally,” #CS 672, can be ordered from the following ministry for a suggested donation of $7.00:

Focus on the Family
Colorado Springs,
CO 80995
1-800-232-6459
www.family.org

The book “Love and Fertility,” can be ordered for $19.95 plus $4.95 S&H from:

Family of the Americas Foundation
P.O. Box 1170
Dunkirk, MD 20754-1170
1-800-443-3395
www.familyplanning.net
Email: [email protected]

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39 comments on “Do You Believe in Birth Control?”

  1. Randy Alcorn has written a wonderful book called "Does the birth control pill cause abortions?" It's available here http://www.amazon.com/Does-Birth-Control-Cause-Abortions/dp/0970001606 and is very eye-opening. My father-in-law is an ob/gyn and had told me about the abortifacient effects of the pill, but I never felt like I had a way to back it up, so I have been less outspoken about it than I should have been. Randy Alcorn presents loads of research and explains it so well. I have shared this book with friends. It would definitely be worth having your husband read it if he is asking you take the pill.

  2. Randy Alcorn has written a wonderful book called "Does the birth control pill cause abortions?" It's available here http://www.amazon.com/Does-Birth-Control-Cause-Abortions/dp/0970001606 and is very eye-opening. My father-in-law is an ob/gyn and had told me about the abortifacient effects of the pill, but I never felt like I had a way to back it up, so I have been less outspoken about it than I should have been. Randy Alcorn presents loads of research and explains it so well. I have shared this book with friends. It would definitely be worth having your husband read it if he is asking you take the pill.

  3. The method you referred to is very similar to the Billings Ovulation Method; the book can be purchased through Amazon. We are using it to space our children. It is such a blessing and has really brought my husband and I closer. Thank you for the encouragement to use natural methods.

  4. The method you referred to is very similar to the Billings Ovulation Method; the book can be purchased through Amazon. We are using it to space our children. It is such a blessing and has really brought my husband and I closer. Thank you for the encouragement to use natural methods.

  5. The book I've found really helpful is "Taking Charge of Your Fertility". The author has a website with free charts, too. It appeals to my scientific mind, and thoroughly covers normal and slightly abnormal types of cycles. I have to admit, though, my son was born because of a slight "error" in my evaluation of fertility signs, but he has clearly been a blessing from God at a time that in retrospect was best to start our family. He's over 2 and we're just starting to try for the next one. I've never used any birth control except fertility awareness and condoms, and my husband does not feel denied with this system (nor does he have to deal with mood swings from birth control hormones).

  6. The book I've found really helpful is "Taking Charge of Your Fertility". The author has a website with free charts, too. It appeals to my scientific mind, and thoroughly covers normal and slightly abnormal types of cycles. I have to admit, though, my son was born because of a slight "error" in my evaluation of fertility signs, but he has clearly been a blessing from God at a time that in retrospect was best to start our family. He's over 2 and we're just starting to try for the next one. I've never used any birth control except fertility awareness and condoms, and my husband does not feel denied with this system (nor does he have to deal with mood swings from birth control hormones).

  7. Or she could take charge of her own bidily sovereignty and use a reliable scientificly proven method of birth control. If you can't take care of the children you already have and dread having more then DON'T HAVE MORE!

  8. Or she could take charge of her own bidily sovereignty and use a reliable scientificly proven method of birth control. If you can't take care of the children you already have and dread having more then DON'T HAVE MORE!

  9. I personally believe that any form of birth control is sin because it is placing our own will above God's will. God does not need our help in spacing our children out or in how many children we will have. It is always best to leave things in his hands. When we start dictating things by what we want and not what he wants then we will get ourselves in a lot of trouble. Let God decide how many kids you will have and when you will have them. Imagine if Jacob had decided he only wanted two children and it was his decision to make rather than God's decision. Isreal would have looked quite a bit different. There would have been no Judah from which Jesus came or Joseph who was such a fine man of God or Benjamin from whom the Apostle Paul came. If it's God's will for my wife and I to have 8 children and I refuse and stop at 3 then I have rebelled against God's will. He makes no mistakes and he will give us the right number of children in the right timing. I dare not take matters into my own hands and usurp his authority whether that be through natural or unnatural birth control.

  10. I personally believe that any form of birth control is sin because it is placing our own will above God's will. God does not need our help in spacing our children out or in how many children we will have. It is always best to leave things in his hands. When we start dictating things by what we want and not what he wants then we will get ourselves in a lot of trouble. Let God decide how many kids you will have and when you will have them. Imagine if Jacob had decided he only wanted two children and it was his decision to make rather than God's decision. Isreal would have looked quite a bit different. There would have been no Judah from which Jesus came or Joseph who was such a fine man of God or Benjamin from whom the Apostle Paul came. If it's God's will for my wife and I to have 8 children and I refuse and stop at 3 then I have rebelled against God's will. He makes no mistakes and he will give us the right number of children in the right timing. I dare not take matters into my own hands and usurp his authority whether that be through natural or unnatural birth control.

  11. I think some of you are misunderstanding so many things. I am a woman that takes birth control. It is my right to do so as long as my husband does not care. He usually lets me do what I want, so when he does want me to do something, I usually do it. If your husband is angry about all the kids and has told you that he wants you on birth control, then do it. If that is not your desire, do some research and come up with something to "sell" him. He might surprise you if you show a willingness to compromise. Personally 2 kids is enough, but I know that not everyone feels that way.

  12. I think some of you are misunderstanding so many things. I am a woman that takes birth control. It is my right to do so as long as my husband does not care. He usually lets me do what I want, so when he does want me to do something, I usually do it. If your husband is angry about all the kids and has told you that he wants you on birth control, then do it. If that is not your desire, do some research and come up with something to "sell" him. He might surprise you if you show a willingness to compromise. Personally 2 kids is enough, but I know that not everyone feels that way.

  13. "Your husband rules over you." That is a direct misquote of Genesis 3:16. Gen 3 is a curse that God is giving Eve as a result of Adam's sin. By NO means are we to just lay down and live under the curse of sin, that completely discredits the sanctifying work of Jesus on the cross. Nowhere else in the Bible are men to Rule over their wives. Lead, yes, rule no. When the two become one flesh they come into agreement and make decisions together, very much in the way God our Father comes into agreement with Jesus and the Holy Spirit. "Rule" is law and we no longer live under law, but Grace. Thank you Jesus!

  14. "Your husband rules over you." That is a direct misquote of Genesis 3:16. Gen 3 is a curse that God is giving Eve as a result of Adam's sin. By NO means are we to just lay down and live under the curse of sin, that completely discredits the sanctifying work of Jesus on the cross. Nowhere else in the Bible are men to Rule over their wives. Lead, yes, rule no. When the two become one flesh they come into agreement and make decisions together, very much in the way God our Father comes into agreement with Jesus and the Holy Spirit. "Rule" is law and we no longer live under law, but Grace. Thank you Jesus!

  15. We have 8 children, age 14 and under. We tried NFP after our 4th was born, and conceived 2 more even while taking great care to follow all the instructions and chart regularly. We then proceeded to use a barrier method when we weren't sure of my fertility, and had 2 more children.
    And now...I have been using a diaphragm with a spermicide very consistently since our last child was born because we agreed we should really try not to conceive, and just found out we are expecting our 9th. Was this our plan? No, but both my husband and I feel like the Lord has allowed these "birth control blunders" for His purposes, and in a way we grow closer each time I tell him "I'm late." It is as if the fruit of our union has overcome the obstacles placed in front of it!
    We struggle financially, infuriate my family every time I conceive, and have every reason to be upset in the natural, but I have learned after all these years that we CAN control how we react to our "emotions". I didn't always know this, and would become an emotional mess every time I found out I was expecting against my will. I even wanted to have my tubes tied, but my husband said No, so I submitted. I can't even imagine my life now without the precious little boys that followed!
    Perhaps we are both able to be joyful together because we were mutually trying to avoid a pregnancy using non-abortive methods, yet realize that God ultimately has dominion over life and death.

  16. We have 8 children, age 14 and under. We tried NFP after our 4th was born, and conceived 2 more even while taking great care to follow all the instructions and chart regularly. We then proceeded to use a barrier method when we weren't sure of my fertility, and had 2 more children.
    And now...I have been using a diaphragm with a spermicide very consistently since our last child was born because we agreed we should really try not to conceive, and just found out we are expecting our 9th. Was this our plan? No, but both my husband and I feel like the Lord has allowed these "birth control blunders" for His purposes, and in a way we grow closer each time I tell him "I'm late." It is as if the fruit of our union has overcome the obstacles placed in front of it!
    We struggle financially, infuriate my family every time I conceive, and have every reason to be upset in the natural, but I have learned after all these years that we CAN control how we react to our "emotions". I didn't always know this, and would become an emotional mess every time I found out I was expecting against my will. I even wanted to have my tubes tied, but my husband said No, so I submitted. I can't even imagine my life now without the precious little boys that followed!
    Perhaps we are both able to be joyful together because we were mutually trying to avoid a pregnancy using non-abortive methods, yet realize that God ultimately has dominion over life and death.

  17. I was curious about your beliefs about birth control since you only have five children. Thank you for your thoughts on the subject.

    I feel so sad for this woman because she has a much bigger problem than needing birth control. She obviously needs to get her family under control and be close to Christ so she will have joy in her life. I hope that someone came alongside her to help her learn how to love her husband and her children.

  18. I was curious about your beliefs about birth control since you only have five children. Thank you for your thoughts on the subject.

    I feel so sad for this woman because she has a much bigger problem than needing birth control. She obviously needs to get her family under control and be close to Christ so she will have joy in her life. I hope that someone came alongside her to help her learn how to love her husband and her children.

  19. We enjoy Bible Questions wth Michael Pearl. We homeschool and wish Mr. Pearl would do small Bible lessons like this for the homeschool kids and families to watch each day. Again thank you for all the work you do. God Bless.

  20. We enjoy Bible Questions wth Michael Pearl. We homeschool and wish Mr. Pearl would do small Bible lessons like this for the homeschool kids and families to watch each day. Again thank you for all the work you do. God Bless.

  21. Thanks Michael. I have used several items from your site to also home teach my children. Today we used this one for our devotion time and discussion. Thank you.

  22. Thanks Michael. I have used several items from your site to also home teach my children. Today we used this one for our devotion time and discussion. Thank you.

  23. There is only one God and three persons in one. But when the Holy Spirit manifest himself, he is God himself. The Same for Jesus and our Father who is present himself in everthing-the creation & the universe... They cann't be separated! there is no three gods, that's polytheism..Catholic NEVER say there is three gods. WE belive in the Holy Trinity. ONE and only one God... It is hard for some one to understand, but once God help you to DISCERN, you get it.

    love your web...
    Bella

  24. There is only one God and three persons in one. But when the Holy Spirit manifest himself, he is God himself. The Same for Jesus and our Father who is present himself in everthing-the creation & the universe... They cann't be separated! there is no three gods, that's polytheism..Catholic NEVER say there is three gods. WE belive in the Holy Trinity. ONE and only one God... It is hard for some one to understand, but once God help you to DISCERN, you get it.

    love your web...
    Bella

  25. If I have been rebaptized in Jesus' name, after having been previously baptized by pouring, is baptism in Jesus name inferior to, same as, or better than baptizing in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost? I just wish to know if God cares or has a preference, Note, I have already read your booklet "Baptism In Jesus' Name a while ago.

  26. If I have been rebaptized in Jesus' name, after having been previously baptized by pouring, is baptism in Jesus name inferior to, same as, or better than baptizing in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost? I just wish to know if God cares or has a preference, Note, I have already read your booklet "Baptism In Jesus' Name a while ago.

  27. I use a fertility tracker that I ordered on Amazon and I love it. I paid a total of $32 and it works AS long as you keep track. Every morning before you eat or drink you spit on the scope and wait 10 min. The look through the scope. If you see ferns your fertile so don't be intimate if no ferns do whatever. We bought this after our fourth child and it has worked great. I am now expecting our 5th baby and it was our choice. We believe God controls our family size but this is actually my 8th pregnancy since we have been married 7 yrs. I needed a break for a little bit. I also nurse on demand but I am so fertile that I start ovulating six wks after a baby is born. The fertility tracker is called Ovulite. All you do is test your spit and YOU can reuse it. Of course you must talk to your husband first.

  28. I use a fertility tracker that I ordered on Amazon and I love it. I paid a total of $32 and it works AS long as you keep track. Every morning before you eat or drink you spit on the scope and wait 10 min. The look through the scope. If you see ferns your fertile so don't be intimate if no ferns do whatever. We bought this after our fourth child and it has worked great. I am now expecting our 5th baby and it was our choice. We believe God controls our family size but this is actually my 8th pregnancy since we have been married 7 yrs. I needed a break for a little bit. I also nurse on demand but I am so fertile that I start ovulating six wks after a baby is born. The fertility tracker is called Ovulite. All you do is test your spit and YOU can reuse it. Of course you must talk to your husband first.

  29. I found something called Lady Comp.

    It is between $400 and $500 new but you can find them on amazon, eBay and craigslist for less than $300. (I got a smokin' deal on one for $135 on eBay)

    It uses software to tell you if you can become pregnant, are "likely" to become pregnant or cannot become pregnant. It is easy to use, is not a chemical or even an herb (just a machine). It is 99.3% effective consistently which is good for lady's with non regular cycles. It just knows your body and tells you if you are fertile!!!

    I thought some of you might be interested in this.

  30. My dilemma is this, is having tubes tied a barrier method or a method that doesn't abort a fertilized egg? I am on birth control pills now and really want to come off of them, but my husband says our 14 year old is all we will have so I have to do something. I mentioned the diaphram and he said no, also no to condoms and rhythm method or natural family planning. Pretty much my options as far as he is concerned is birth control pills or having tubes tied. What are your thoughts?

  31. […] Perhaps this rhetoric is not surprising for DeMoss, who once compared the feminist mindset to “that of an ostrich that tramples their children.” Nevertheless, her books and radio show are popular — and her ideas about birth control are echoed by leaders of groups who take a radically conservative approach to family life, such as the Quiverfull movement and homeschooling leaders like Doug Phillips and Debi Pearl. […]