I will set you on the road to recovery with one good suggestion. Ask your wife for advice and counsel. Welcome her judgments even if you feel she is attacking you. Pretend to be humble and thoughtful. Be patient and ask her to expound further on her concerns. Pause and look enlightened. Nod in appreciation for her wisdom and then modify your actions in some measure based on her suggestion. If unfolding events prove her wrong, be kind and gentle, not gloating or mentioning what is obvious. On the other hand if her counsel and judgment prove to be right, praise her for it and thank her for saving you from error. You will make a new woman out of her. She will get 10 years younger and smile like a kid opening birthday presents. But I warn you, she will get addicted to being happy. She will want to have sex more often and will initiate contact. If you are not up to it, you might want to continue with your “know it all” attitude so she can maintain her coldness as she continues to be your unhappy critic.
Marriage properly ordered is the quickest path to obtaining wisdom, grace, mercy, patience, faith, compassion, and humility—especially humility. If it were not for the constant presence of that other human being in our life we could live in a delusion. In our solitude we could call a half measure a whole, we could believe that mediocre is perfection, that lack of conflict is peace, that distant sympathy is compassion, that sharing with a friend is transparency, and that liberal giving is sacrifice. We could live our entire life alone and be convinced that we were mature and emotionally-balanced. The closeness of marriage creates a friction that either builds a fire that destroys or rounds off the edges and sharpens our spirits. God made marriage not only for the joy it brings but for its ability to expose our weaknesses and remind us of our fallibility. In marriage we go deeper, climb higher, reach further, and develop beyond the perceived limits of our humanity. It is heaven’s incubator were we hatch into eternity. “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” (Proverbs 18:22).
I could ask, “What is your marriage doing for you?” But the more pertinent question is, “What is your marriage doing for your wife?” Is she being perfected or rejected? Are you causing her to aspire to greater things or expire in fatigue? Is she climbing or declining? Loving or loathing? Does she serve you with joy or with a sense of duty? Does she know she is your treasure or does she feel used and abused? Your job as her husband is to cleanse her, not offend her with words of criticism.
If you fail to perfect your wife, you not only fail her, you fail God; you fail the entire human process. You fail the Kingdom of God. Since God chose marriage to illustrate his ministry to the church, to fail in marriage is to defame the ministry of Christ. To fail to sanctify your wife is an opportunity lost for eternity.
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The excerpts were thought producing to me. I have been looking for someone who was able to lay it all out like it should be without beating around the bush. I plan on reading the book. Hoping it is well with you all. Take care. Thank you.
Is this book out yet? I would like to get it. THanks!
Wow. As a woman, wife, just READING this inspired me on the inside to be a better woman. It gave me hope, not expectation in my marriage. It softened my heart. Just imagining these kind things being done for me as a wife brought a sense of peace and excitement and willingness to serve, and I can imagine the way it would encourage any man out there to apply these things in his marriage (or, better yet, learn these now before you get married) to have a glorious marriage. It is my God-given ministry to be a helper to my man, but oh how joyous for two in a marriage to be in tune with the Lord, blessing and building a marriage! What a burden lifted, what a fellowship, what a joy divine!
It seems to be very clearly written and easy to understand. Which is good for guys~ it gets right to the point. No fluff. Who wants fluff anyway? Thank you and Bless you Michael Pearl, for sharing what the Lord has shown you in your walk with Him.
Sounds like a great book. But what do you do if you're not married, and don't see it happening in your future? Are you then unfavorable in the Lord's eyes and nothing more than a wandering neanderthal without reason for life?
Have a look at 1 Corinthians 7v8 and the surrounding passages.
Man and Woman can function independently. Men particularly who didn't have family were able to focus on spreading the gospel or other work unimpeded by distractions.
Marriage is designed to teach us about God, but in the kingdom there will no marriage for those immortalized. Even if you never get married you can still take the lessons from the way God created the family unit and as a result understand more about God and use it to grow as a person. Even if you don't get married you still need to love and respect those around you including women.
I found these excerpts to be very thought provoking. However, I think there is something to be said for the responsibility of the wife in perfecting and sanctifying her husband. These excerpts talk a lot about the husband's responsibility to value, respect, honor, and make his wife generally happy. But, it says nothing about the wife's responsibility to build her husband up, encourage him, love him always, and support him even when she may not agree. These are important points as well. Also, I did not care for the section that downplayed singleness as a viable option. Some are called to singleness for life, others are called for a season of life. Either way, singleness does not make a person less than whole or lacking in any way. It just means that the single person has to rely on God for everything. All in all this was a good read and I appreciated it. I just do not necessarily agree with everything it says.
Krista, check out Debi's book Created to Be His Help Meet for more on a wife's responsibility toward her husband.
Krista, Created to NEED a Help Meet is focussed on the man, and Created to BE a Help Meet is focussed on the woman. Whichever one you're reading, it's going to help whoever is reading it (the one for the wife, or the husband). The books act as if the other book didn't exist, and tell YOU how to act, not how your spouse should act.
Aaron is right, if you want to get more of what the wife should be doing, then check out Created to BE a Help Meet.