Good Marriage vs. Godly Marriage

Our culture is such that the closer you get to Christ, the more absurd you look to the modern unbeliever. That contrast is never more striking than when it comes to the topic of marriage.

It is the difference between a good marriage and a godly one.

Often when someone gets a book on marriage, their first thought is, “If I can put into practice a series of actions, then I'll be able to fix my marriage and live happily ever after.” The problem with this notion is that the biblical worldview has no expectation of “happily ever after” on this planet. The expectation is obedience to God because he is God and we are not.

Just imagine if you were to write a modern self-help book to Eve while she was still in the garden. What would that even look like?

If you were able to express to her the toil-of-life she has in front of her if she chooses to eat the fruit, no matter how appropriately you articulate the pros and cons, she would never be able to comprehend a future so at odds with everything she has experienced. How would you explain the pain she would feel from one of her sons killing the other one in a fit of jealousy if she had never known what it was like to love a child? Or the pain of loss when a loved one dies? As you list the pros and cons, the best thing you could do is give her a false sense of security that she has a grip on the consequences of her actions.

No, she does not need more information because she does not need to decide what is best. God already told her everything she needed to know. You see, more knowledge won’t help; more faith will.

In contrast, the biblical worldview self-help book to Eve would read something like this: God said don't eat the fruit.

A worldly culture would ask, “How would I be happier if I don't eat the fruit? What is knowledge and how do I get it without eating the fruit? Does God really understand that I need that knowledge? I mean, when he made the garden, mankind didn’t even exist. Culture has moved on from those archaic times!”

The Christian worldview answers all those questions like this: “God said don't eat the fruit.”

Satan comes along and asks, “Has God surely said . . .?”

The Christian worldview says, “Let me check the Bible . . . Yep, God said don't eat the fruit.”

But let’s just pretend for a second that Eve did receive a self-help book. After due consideration, she decided it was in their best interest not to eat the fruit. Instead, she came home and told Adam, “I decided not to eat the fruit so that we will be happier.” The problem is not her current action, the problem is the motivation behind the action. She is not acting so that she will be holier, she is acting so she will be happier.

Every day she considers her happiness to see if her happy meter has gone up, but she can't tell that it has. She begins to question the validity of the fundamentalists who claim that you should be obedient to God simply because he said so. She begins to question if maybe she and her children wouldn't be happier if she just ate the fruit. After all, with more knowledge, she could better guide her family with wisdom. So, technically, she’d be helping God! Okay, maybe just a bite.

In the end, the self-help book wouldn’t help her at all because the issue wasn’t the information. The issue had always been her faith in God. When God tells us to do something, we ought to do it because he is God. That’s the only explanation we need.

Let’s move on from Eve and into more personal territory: you.

The Bible says “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” What if the husband says, “In that case, will she love me back? If I love her biblically then she'll submit to me biblically, right?”

Well, let’s see what the Bible says: “Husbands, love your wives.”

You cannot comprehend the forces at work or the consequences of disobedience to the commandment of God. But that is okay because you don’t have to. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church. Trust and obey.

Understand that we are not obedient because it will make us happy. We are obedient because he is our Lord and we are the sheep of his pasture. I can give you a thousand reasons why obedience to the Word of God will make you happy, will fulfill you, will give you a better marriage, and will give you a more abundant life. But none of those things matter.

Husband, take up your cross and follow Jesus by loving your wife.

Wife, take up your cross and submit yourself unto your own husband regardless of the outcome. Stop looking for a loophole or a way out. What God has joined together let no one, including you, put asunder.

I'm not saying that it is wrong to look for fulfillment or joy in your life. My life is certainly full of fulfillment and joy, and I hope that for each of my children; but that's not the motivating factor for my actions in my marriage or my walk with Christ. If he is my Lord, and he is, if he is the author of the faith to which I ascribe, and he is, then it is my responsibility to let go of the outcome and cling to the Creator.

“Forgetting those things which are behind . . . I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”

He has called me to love my wife, not just in emotion but in action, the same way that he loves the church. He called me to give myself for her regardless of her response to that act of grace toward her from me. If that doesn't work and she's still intractable, then he's called me to love those that despitefully use me. And if she does not respond to that act of love that I pour out on her behalf day after day and year after year, then he's called me to love my enemies and do good to her.

I understand that this is a narrow-minded worldview. But narrow is the way that leads to life, and few there be that find it. It is for this reason that I wouldn't ask everyone to have a godly marriage.

Only godly people should pursue a godly marriage.

The idea is that you yield your body a living sacrifice unto God, holy and acceptable because you believe that is the minimum of your reasonable service. It isn't so that your life is more fulfilling, but because it is no longer your life. It belongs to him who lives in you, and your pursuit is toward him because his is the kingdom, and the glory, and the power.

If you desire to have a godly marriage, he left written instructions for you to follow. Not a good marriage, but a godly marriage. The pursuit is not to apprehend peace and happiness; the pursuit is to apprehend holiness.

The fact is that most people will create some amalgamation of humanism and Christianity that works for them and makes them feel good about their responsibility to God. The Bible says, “Broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat.” Rebellion against the commandments of God is as old as humans, and the consequence of that rebellion is no less dire today than it was in the garden.

Friend, if you want to walk with God in the morning while the dew is on the grass, it starts with obedience today. Not because you understand why you should not eat the fruit, but because you understand that the one who told you not to eat it loves you. He is certainly worth obeying.

That is faith, and the rewards are infinite.