Filter by: Products Articles
Filter by:
Do you get our FREE Magazine?

Impotent Relationship

October 15, 2010
Husband and wife hugging at sunset

This is a companion article toCloistered Fruit

Dear Pearls,

My husband and I have been married 48 years and have six married children. He has never bonded with me and is a workaholic and has hardly anything to do with me. I have come to believe I did or said something in the early weeks of our marriage that offended him and he divorced me emotionally. I have apologized and worked hard at trying to be a godly wife, but I do not think there is one thing I can do or say that will ever win him.

He hired a married woman to help him on our horse ranch 21 years ago. For 18 years I have known they were having an emotional affair, but had no proof and he denied it. I don’t believe the relationship is sexual, for he has been impotent for nearly 20 years.

I have felt for so long that I’m enabling him to continue with no consequences. I’ve considered telling him something like: “I think you kept me in your life just to be your housekeeper, but it’s the other woman you like and want to be with and talk to. Well, I’m no longer your servant. …It is not you I’m rejecting, it is what you are doing. You have been turning to another woman to fill the empty place inside of you. The only thing that will truly fill that empty place is believing what God says, not what you see or feel. I haven’t wanted you to lose the respect of your family, your friends, and your neighbors, but if this emotional affair is going to continue, the truth will come out. (Meaning I’ll ask some of the people who are praying for God to change his heart to accept God and me, to also pray for him to end his emotional affair.)

What does God say about me taking a stand like that? I have great difficulty understanding the difference between being a doormat and submission. I certainly feel like a doormat. Please help me!

Michael Answers:

You must be around seventy years old, and your husband, as well. You have endured this situation for two decades. I understand that you do not want to be a doormat. My advice is, that at seventy, better a doormat with a house and income than a doormat without a door, a bed, or a kitchen table.

The old dog has been impotent in body and you have been impotent in spirit. Seek solace in Christ alone and let your husband and his dear friend be parted by death. If they are bonded as you indicate, nothing will stop it at this age. Exposing him and laying down an ultimatum would be an act of vengeance—a getting back at him for all the years of emptiness you have experienced. And if you do bring pressure to bear, he will just shut down to you even further and find solace in a friend who never criticizes him and who finds him a fascinating person. Often old men have male friends that are closer to them than their wives. They have a camaraderie because they share the same interests and understand each other. This friendship may be of the same nature.

It is possible that after your husband became impotent he lost some of his confidence around you and feels more welcomed in a relationship where he is not expected to perform sexually. Think of them as two old cowboys and you the rancher’s wife. I suggest you ride this horse till it drops. It’s too late to change mounts or to retrain this one.

created-to-need-a-help-meet-675x380

Reflection by Michael

It is too late for this unhappy woman to recover the years the locust have eaten. If she had written me thirty years sooner, I would have made some suggestions that could have led to the creation of a glorious marriage. But what about you? Are you a wife in the position of the “Old Dude’s” wife? (See former article—“Cloistered Fruit”.)

I know, it raises my ire also. I would like to tell the subdued, tired, rejected wife of the husband having the emotional affair with the younger girl to just pack up all the girl’s belongings and throw them out into the street, then call Little Miss’s parents and tell them that their daughter is now homeless. I probably would have told her to do just that if she had asked me. But that would be like telling a discouraged, unathletic boy who has never hit the ball to just go out on the field and hit a home run. Now if the boy had no talent at all but was full of spit and fire, and was kickin’-dirt confident, I would tell him, “You can do it; just hit the ball out of the park.” The broken woman does not have the backbone to take bold action and then see it through with style. A dog with his tail between his legs is wasting his time barking or threatening to bite.

Now if the woman was like my wife, she would throw the girl into the street, pile her luggage on top of her head, let her walk to the nearest phone to call home, and them come back in, bring me to the bedroom and remind me to always milk my own cow and make no room for another heifer.

The reality is that, unless the basis of a good relationship is already established, such bold action will not work. My wife would have confidence in her seductive and persuasive abilities. But when a marriage is filled with years of bitterness and loneliness, and a man has found fulfillment outside the marriage, coercion and forceful action will have the taste of revenge and vindictiveness in it, and it will be met with further rejection. If the wife of Old Dude forced her husband to choose between his “ministry” to the young girl and her, he will choose the young girl. I have seen it happen many, many times. Ultimatums cut both ways. Many women, after seeing the back side of their husband for the last time, have said, “But I didn’t think he would do it! I just wanted him to see how much he has hurt me.” He was hurting, too, and decided not to hurt anymore.

What then can a woman in this situation do to restore her marriage and win her husband’s heart? Become lovely and useful. Men are interested in more than physical intimacy. I have seen men leave a beautiful babe for a homely woman. What does the rancher derive from his relationship with his employee that is not furnished at home? Understanding, common perspective, shared experiences doing things they both love, and respect as human beings. I say to all spurned wives, you cannot receive love and respect by demanding it and laying down ultimatums. To add to the equation a threat to tell the kids, or make it public at church, or “ask everybody to pray” will drive a bigger wedge between you and probably end all chances for reconciliation.

helpmeet-480x270

What can a woman do? Whatever your husband is doing. Enjoy it, appreciate it, get involved, if you can; if you can’t be involved, be a sympathetic ear and a cheerleader. Don’t drive your husband with carefully placed criticism; motivate him with sincere praise and admiration.

I will say it again. To win your husband’s heart, become lovely. You can be fat or skinny and still be lovely. You can be young or old, smart or dumb, but you must be lovely if you want to be loved. Don’t assume you have rights as a wife. Earn your place in his heart and he will be faithful to you. Men don’t fish in another lake if the fish are still biting in the one they’re familiar with.

Men, it’s your turn

Are you like Old Dude? Mister, your role is entirely different from your wife’s. God holds you responsible on a higher level. He has given you a more sacred trust, placing your wife under your authority. You are entrusted with a precious gift, and it is your job to be her savior and sanctifier. God never gave any man a perfect woman, except Adam, and he failed to protect her against temptation. If your wife is not all she should be, gently mold her into the woman she can be. Never share your feelings, hopes, and dreams with another woman. Never allow yourself to have needs met by another woman. Never “share” with another woman the personal pains you experience in your marriage. You are playing with fire if you do.

The Bible says that a man should leave his father and mother and “cleave” unto his wife (Genesis 2:24; Mark 10:7). That word cleave means to stick together as one. We are told that believers “cleave unto the Lord” (Acts 11:23). If you cleave to your wife like a mouse to a sticky trap there will never be room for another. If you are a man of ideas and your wife is a dummy, gently educate her. If you are a socialite and she is a homebody, patiently introduce her to your world, expressing how thankful you are to have her support. If you are a lawyer, discuss cases with her and get her opinion. When she comes up with a good idea, let her know that her ideas are valued. Brag on her publicly in front of your associates. If you enrich her life, she will enrich yours. Never allow your life to run off and leave her behind. Cleave to her; wrap her in your life and stick together through thick and thin—even if it is her thick waist and your thin wallet.

 

Leave a Reply

34 comments on “Impotent Relationship”

  1. This woman states she believes her husband "emotionally divorced" her in the early weeks of her marriage. If this has been the state of their relationship for 48 years, I honestly doubt becoming "lovely" is going to change this man's bitter resentment toward his wife. He sounds like the type of person who holds deep grudges. Personally I think life is too short to be so petty, but I know there are many people who exaggerate small offenses and will not let them go. There is a book and dvd program titled "Real Love" by a man named Greg Baer, which I would recommend to her. It would be best if she could view the dvd workshops with her husband, if he would cooperate in that at least. There also was book published in the early 20th century by a woman named Florence Scovel Shinn: "The Game of Life and How to Play It", which describes a similar situation. In chapter 7 she talks about a woman she knew who had a cheating husband. Mrs. Shinn advised her to give him "perfect, unselfish love, demanding nothing in return, do not criticise or condemn and bless him wherever he is." I think that is good advice, since any attempt to "win" his affection back by being more attractive is likely to result in continuing frustration...

  2. This woman states she believes her husband "emotionally divorced" her in the early weeks of her marriage. If this has been the state of their relationship for 48 years, I honestly doubt becoming "lovely" is going to change this man's bitter resentment toward his wife. He sounds like the type of person who holds deep grudges. Personally I think life is too short to be so petty, but I know there are many people who exaggerate small offenses and will not let them go. There is a book and dvd program titled "Real Love" by a man named Greg Baer, which I would recommend to her. It would be best if she could view the dvd workshops with her husband, if he would cooperate in that at least. There also was book published in the early 20th century by a woman named Florence Scovel Shinn: "The Game of Life and How to Play It", which describes a similar situation. In chapter 7 she talks about a woman she knew who had a cheating husband. Mrs. Shinn advised her to give him "perfect, unselfish love, demanding nothing in return, do not criticise or condemn and bless him wherever he is." I think that is good advice, since any attempt to "win" his affection back by being more attractive is likely to result in continuing frustration...

  3. Yes!!!! I wholeheartedly agree. Being married is a beautiful and sacred union worth working for and fighting for if we must. I love my husband and have no intentions of letting any other woman, young or not, win his affections in any way! Thanks for a great article.

  4. Yes!!!! I wholeheartedly agree. Being married is a beautiful and sacred union worth working for and fighting for if we must. I love my husband and have no intentions of letting any other woman, young or not, win his affections in any way! Thanks for a great article.

  5. "Become lovely and useful. Men are interested in more than physical intimacy." While I'm not sure your second statement corresponds to reality, I would like to understand more about HOW to become more lovely and useful. Are these two separate things? Does becoming more lovely look like sincere praise and being involved in his interests? What if his interests are too physically challenging for ladies? How can we compete with "the guys" for that closeness in relationship? What does becoming more useful look like?
    Thank you for your advice!

  6. "Become lovely and useful. Men are interested in more than physical intimacy." While I'm not sure your second statement corresponds to reality, I would like to understand more about HOW to become more lovely and useful. Are these two separate things? Does becoming more lovely look like sincere praise and being involved in his interests? What if his interests are too physically challenging for ladies? How can we compete with "the guys" for that closeness in relationship? What does becoming more useful look like?
    Thank you for your advice!

  7. VERY good advice:) To bad most people these days tend to follow temptation and think the grass is greener. Not only do they ruin the life of the spouse but also the WHOLE family.

  8. VERY good advice:) To bad most people these days tend to follow temptation and think the grass is greener. Not only do they ruin the life of the spouse but also the WHOLE family.

  9. "submit unto your husbands as unto the Lord". Most of the women are looking through this with the wrong lens. " How can I become more lovely and useful?" "I can't win him back" Stop trying and start obeying Gods word "Submit to your husbands as unto the Lord....AS UNTO THE LORD! Stop looking at your sinful husband and start doing everything to bring delight to your maker. Know even the nicest of husbands will be difficult to get along with at times. Don't do it for them do it hartily for the Lord and let your husband reap the sweet fruit. How to be useful....get creative and have fun you know your husband his likes and dislikes. Even if he remains a sourpuss for ever this will be a more pleasurable route for you.
    Stop trusting your hurt feelings and start trusting this Powerful, Almighty God you claim to believe in...start obeying him.

  10. "submit unto your husbands as unto the Lord". Most of the women are looking through this with the wrong lens. " How can I become more lovely and useful?" "I can't win him back" Stop trying and start obeying Gods word "Submit to your husbands as unto the Lord....AS UNTO THE LORD! Stop looking at your sinful husband and start doing everything to bring delight to your maker. Know even the nicest of husbands will be difficult to get along with at times. Don't do it for them do it hartily for the Lord and let your husband reap the sweet fruit. How to be useful....get creative and have fun you know your husband his likes and dislikes. Even if he remains a sourpuss for ever this will be a more pleasurable route for you.
    Stop trusting your hurt feelings and start trusting this Powerful, Almighty God you claim to believe in...start obeying him.

  11. The issue is not the man's "emotional affair" with another woman. We don't even know if that is happening. We don't know if it is a "younger woman" at all, since the writer doesn't say.

    This man is not treating his wife as Christ loves the church. He is violating the sacred commands of the Word.

    This man has always been unkind to his wife.

    She is deeply unhappy.

    It is never too late to start over, my dear. It is highly unlikely that you will be without a home or food. Don't let Mr. Pearl's fearmongering about that stop you from doing what you need to do. You will never find happiness with this man--you've tried for half a century. I highly doubt that you did anything in the early years to merit this treatment. You are just married to a highly troubled man.

    Ask yourself--how would Mr. Pearl have responded if you had had an emotional affair with a man for 48 years, and treated your husband with coldness during that time? He would have castigated you severely. Yet he says very little about your husband's *terrible*, cruel treatment of you.

    I understand you may not want to divorce for religious reasons. But do you have a daughter or son who would help you get on your feet, if you chose to separate from your husband?

    People can always find a way to earn a living, even at 70. It's not that hard to get a job at Target. Perhaps it would help if you found a source of income and then separated. In any event, please don't blame yourself for what are your husband's failures. He is the one who is cruel to you. You sound like you have tried your best with him. You deserved better.

    My mother divorced a man like you describe when she was 56. The last 17 years of her life were the happiest she ever had (and she supported herself just fine!)

  12. The issue is not the man's "emotional affair" with another woman. We don't even know if that is happening. We don't know if it is a "younger woman" at all, since the writer doesn't say.

    This man is not treating his wife as Christ loves the church. He is violating the sacred commands of the Word.

    This man has always been unkind to his wife.

    She is deeply unhappy.

    It is never too late to start over, my dear. It is highly unlikely that you will be without a home or food. Don't let Mr. Pearl's fearmongering about that stop you from doing what you need to do. You will never find happiness with this man--you've tried for half a century. I highly doubt that you did anything in the early years to merit this treatment. You are just married to a highly troubled man.

    Ask yourself--how would Mr. Pearl have responded if you had had an emotional affair with a man for 48 years, and treated your husband with coldness during that time? He would have castigated you severely. Yet he says very little about your husband's *terrible*, cruel treatment of you.

    I understand you may not want to divorce for religious reasons. But do you have a daughter or son who would help you get on your feet, if you chose to separate from your husband?

    People can always find a way to earn a living, even at 70. It's not that hard to get a job at Target. Perhaps it would help if you found a source of income and then separated. In any event, please don't blame yourself for what are your husband's failures. He is the one who is cruel to you. You sound like you have tried your best with him. You deserved better.

    My mother divorced a man like you describe when she was 56. The last 17 years of her life were the happiest she ever had (and she supported herself just fine!)

  13. @ Janine: "You deserve better?" If you know and believe the Scriptures, then you know that this is not biblically-sound advice. What we all deserve is nothing more than the wages of sin.

    Furthermore, if Christ suffered at the hands of those he came to DIE FOR (SAVE), how can we expect any better treatment, from a friend, enemy, or yes, even a spouse.

    Those who are mistreated are commanded by Jesus to love them, bless them, do good to them, pray for them. Many who lack understanding of Scripture would find this illogical, unreasonable, ridiculous, backwards. But it is in this kind of long-suffering that we can demonstrate to others God's way of loving (how He loves us). That is, loving even when it hurts. It's a wonderful opportunity to share in the sufferings of Christ, who became as a servant, humble, obedient to the point of death.

    Escaping hardships is not always an option, but when it is an option, this doesn't mean it's the best one. Since she is called to reverence, obey, and submit to him (without any conditions given), why not rather encourage her to do as Paul suggests in Romans 12, and rejoice in hope and be patient in tribulation?

  14. @ Janine: "You deserve better?" If you know and believe the Scriptures, then you know that this is not biblically-sound advice. What we all deserve is nothing more than the wages of sin.

    Furthermore, if Christ suffered at the hands of those he came to DIE FOR (SAVE), how can we expect any better treatment, from a friend, enemy, or yes, even a spouse.

    Those who are mistreated are commanded by Jesus to love them, bless them, do good to them, pray for them. Many who lack understanding of Scripture would find this illogical, unreasonable, ridiculous, backwards. But it is in this kind of long-suffering that we can demonstrate to others God's way of loving (how He loves us). That is, loving even when it hurts. It's a wonderful opportunity to share in the sufferings of Christ, who became as a servant, humble, obedient to the point of death.

    Escaping hardships is not always an option, but when it is an option, this doesn't mean it's the best one. Since she is called to reverence, obey, and submit to him (without any conditions given), why not rather encourage her to do as Paul suggests in Romans 12, and rejoice in hope and be patient in tribulation?

  15. It's True ! It's True! Being useful, stacking firewood, hiking out to look for deer sign, making his lunch, bringing his dinner plate already dished up. He didn't marry you for your body only. He wants a soul mate not just a bed warmer or else he wouldn't have gotten married in the first place. I am learning football. Technically I really am not that into it but he has fun with it and I want to be in every part of his life. You can't leave me out! Years ago he confessed to a lust problem and I cried out that God would give me the desire and ability to fullfill his every desire/need. Even though my husband told me that his sin was not due to a lack in sex I still cried out to be fullfilling so that there could be no excuse on my part. Guess what ladies God did it! I have been able to be a part of my husbands victory, & support when he is weak instead of being his condemnation.
    If you feel left out get busy doing life with him. Get into his world and quit waiting for him to come into yours. Would you really be this uninterested & uninvolved if you were still dating/courting?
    I can't say it enough It's True. Stop the cycle now before you end up old, emotionally alone and mentally divorced.

  16. It's True ! It's True! Being useful, stacking firewood, hiking out to look for deer sign, making his lunch, bringing his dinner plate already dished up. He didn't marry you for your body only. He wants a soul mate not just a bed warmer or else he wouldn't have gotten married in the first place. I am learning football. Technically I really am not that into it but he has fun with it and I want to be in every part of his life. You can't leave me out! Years ago he confessed to a lust problem and I cried out that God would give me the desire and ability to fullfill his every desire/need. Even though my husband told me that his sin was not due to a lack in sex I still cried out to be fullfilling so that there could be no excuse on my part. Guess what ladies God did it! I have been able to be a part of my husbands victory, & support when he is weak instead of being his condemnation.
    If you feel left out get busy doing life with him. Get into his world and quit waiting for him to come into yours. Would you really be this uninterested & uninvolved if you were still dating/courting?
    I can't say it enough It's True. Stop the cycle now before you end up old, emotionally alone and mentally divorced.

  17. Sounds like all these years you haven't really had a husband at all. He is there but he isn't yours and isn't treating you like a wife. Not trying to be cruel just stating what seems like your reality. It has been so long, I can't believe one could stand it for this long. At this point pray, pray, pray and give him over to God to deal with. Try to live YOUR life and do what you want to do with it. There is no need to be a door mat to a man that won't be a husband to you. I'm not saying leave him, or stop making him supper. You would probably cook anyway so who cares if he eats it right? Just go about your life loving and serving God humbly and serve your husband but painful as it is (and I know it is) don't try to fix him, change him, or be a big part of anything. Try to enjoy serving and living and loving God. Find other friends just to be friends with (females). Maybe buy your dear husband a book on being a good husband or The Love Dare for yourself or something. Maybe approach the woman? I think I would, long ago. Do something about it but don't say "HEY CHANGE YOU MESSED UP". Sounds like he wouldn't care much right now anyway. Do the best you can and do it for God. Find joy elsewhere. Go to God with your pain. There is nowhere else to go and nowhere better. He can heal you.

  18. Sounds like all these years you haven't really had a husband at all. He is there but he isn't yours and isn't treating you like a wife. Not trying to be cruel just stating what seems like your reality. It has been so long, I can't believe one could stand it for this long. At this point pray, pray, pray and give him over to God to deal with. Try to live YOUR life and do what you want to do with it. There is no need to be a door mat to a man that won't be a husband to you. I'm not saying leave him, or stop making him supper. You would probably cook anyway so who cares if he eats it right? Just go about your life loving and serving God humbly and serve your husband but painful as it is (and I know it is) don't try to fix him, change him, or be a big part of anything. Try to enjoy serving and living and loving God. Find other friends just to be friends with (females). Maybe buy your dear husband a book on being a good husband or The Love Dare for yourself or something. Maybe approach the woman? I think I would, long ago. Do something about it but don't say "HEY CHANGE YOU MESSED UP". Sounds like he wouldn't care much right now anyway. Do the best you can and do it for God. Find joy elsewhere. Go to God with your pain. There is nowhere else to go and nowhere better. He can heal you.

  19. My dear Sister,
    You are not how your husband treats you. You are a glorious daughter of the King of the universe. Claim your identity in Christ and make God your (emotional) husband. God promises to meet all your needs in Christ Jesus. Trust Him, spend time with Him, love Him, rest in Him, and let Him heal your soul. Choose to enjoy the good things in your life; your home, your children, your interests, serving others, etc. Determine to be joyful no matter your circumstances. Find fulfillment in friendships with other Godly women, family members, and trusted friends. Spend time doing things you enjoy. Serve your husband as you would the Lord; with faithfulness and a loyal heart. Pray for your husband and the other woman. No matter the reason your husband divorced you emotionally, he is responsible for missing out on what God intended for him to have in marriage and be assured, one day he will stand before God and give an account of how he cared for the woman God gave him to love, cherish and take care of. Right now it seems like he's the one enjoying life and getting the better deal relationally, but he is still in sin. God will deal with that. You could spend the rest of your life trying to win his heart and it is possible, that in your greatest effort, he will not change and you will somehow feel you have failed. The truth is, he has proven he has a selfish, faithless heart, and only the Lord can penetrate that. I don't believe every husband can be won over; but you cannot go wrong treating him with respect and honor. It's ok to give him what he doesn't "deserve" because one day the Lord will give him what he does deserve. Never talk bad about him. Accept him and make your life complete in other relationships remembering you are also the bride of Christ. God bless you and keep you for your remaining years. You are loved, thought about, and prayed for. Together in Christ, Angie

  20. My dear Sister,
    You are not how your husband treats you. You are a glorious daughter of the King of the universe. Claim your identity in Christ and make God your (emotional) husband. God promises to meet all your needs in Christ Jesus. Trust Him, spend time with Him, love Him, rest in Him, and let Him heal your soul. Choose to enjoy the good things in your life; your home, your children, your interests, serving others, etc. Determine to be joyful no matter your circumstances. Find fulfillment in friendships with other Godly women, family members, and trusted friends. Spend time doing things you enjoy. Serve your husband as you would the Lord; with faithfulness and a loyal heart. Pray for your husband and the other woman. No matter the reason your husband divorced you emotionally, he is responsible for missing out on what God intended for him to have in marriage and be assured, one day he will stand before God and give an account of how he cared for the woman God gave him to love, cherish and take care of. Right now it seems like he's the one enjoying life and getting the better deal relationally, but he is still in sin. God will deal with that. You could spend the rest of your life trying to win his heart and it is possible, that in your greatest effort, he will not change and you will somehow feel you have failed. The truth is, he has proven he has a selfish, faithless heart, and only the Lord can penetrate that. I don't believe every husband can be won over; but you cannot go wrong treating him with respect and honor. It's ok to give him what he doesn't "deserve" because one day the Lord will give him what he does deserve. Never talk bad about him. Accept him and make your life complete in other relationships remembering you are also the bride of Christ. God bless you and keep you for your remaining years. You are loved, thought about, and prayed for. Together in Christ, Angie

  21. "If you are a man of ideas and your wife is a dummy, gently educate her". Mr. Pearl, what Godly man would think of his wife as a dummy? It sounds so demeaning. Humorous perhaps, but demeaning.
    A scriptural question- "There are definite scriptures on dealing with sin in other believers, ( Matthew 18, and I Corinthians 5:9-11). Are spouses exempt? How should a spouse deal with sexual, or idolatrous sin in their loved one?

  22. "If you are a man of ideas and your wife is a dummy, gently educate her". Mr. Pearl, what Godly man would think of his wife as a dummy? It sounds so demeaning. Humorous perhaps, but demeaning.
    A scriptural question- "There are definite scriptures on dealing with sin in other believers, ( Matthew 18, and I Corinthians 5:9-11). Are spouses exempt? How should a spouse deal with sexual, or idolatrous sin in their loved one?

  23. I like Angie's comments above. While my husband is not emotionally divorced from me, I struggle so with doing what is right. I am so weak and have not been able to get past all the years of hurt. How do you do that? I want so much to be obedient to my King and know that I must submit to my husband but how do I just act like everything is just hunky dory? How do I act like I want to be intimate with a man that has ignored my emotional needs for so many years? I really need some help in this area, please. I know that I must do this, but I don't want it to be fake so that he sees through it. I want to really do what is right. Please help me.

  24. I like Angie's comments above. While my husband is not emotionally divorced from me, I struggle so with doing what is right. I am so weak and have not been able to get past all the years of hurt. How do you do that? I want so much to be obedient to my King and know that I must submit to my husband but how do I just act like everything is just hunky dory? How do I act like I want to be intimate with a man that has ignored my emotional needs for so many years? I really need some help in this area, please. I know that I must do this, but I don't want it to be fake so that he sees through it. I want to really do what is right. Please help me.

  25. I liked this article and most everything I read of your materials. Question: You write,
    "My wife would have confidence in her seductive and persuasive abilities." That is something I do not have. How does a woman who has majored on being chaste and non-sensual get confidence in being seductive? I am fully into Deb's Help Meet book, by the way. My husband is a happy man! Thanks.

  26. I liked this article and most everything I read of your materials. Question: You write,
    "My wife would have confidence in her seductive and persuasive abilities." That is something I do not have. How does a woman who has majored on being chaste and non-sensual get confidence in being seductive? I am fully into Deb's Help Meet book, by the way. My husband is a happy man! Thanks.