Preparing oneself to be a help meet is a primary concern of every young girl hoping to become a wife and mother. She wants to be ready to be the best wife ever. I have never heard a young girl say, “When I get married, I am going to nag my husband until he hates me.”
No, we all believe we will be the best when that day finally comes. Then we are married and have one child after another, maybe financial troubles, or a husband that is too busy working to appreciate all our sacrifices. It is easy to forget our former commitment to be a good help meet (properly fitted helper). We are now stuck in the tired doldrums of nagging because we are unhappy with our lot in life. We forget that God created us to honor and respect our husbands, no matter what. We come up with excuses like, “If he would just do this for me or lead his family the way God wants him to, then I would be happy.”
Preparing to be a wife never ends. We must continue to learn and grow into what God has called us to be. We cannot forget to continue to prepare ourselves. I have seen many young girls get married with such joy and excitement, only to have their fantasy fall away a few short months later. Wives are shocked and become unhappy when they realize that he is no longer obsessed with just them as he was during the courting days and early marriage. Their husbands are now obsessed with video games, hunting, sports, some hobby, or just work. But as all of you veteran wives have learned, if you stand by your man, your life with him can become very rewarding.
We have received so many great responses about how you have learned to respond to your husband’s obsessions. I, as a young wife, love to read what you have learned over the years so that I can be more prepared when things come up in my own marriage. My husband is quite obsessed with a great many things. Thankfully, I have always been right there with him to help him with each new adventure. I have to say, it has kept me PREPARING! Here are a few tips from you.
The obsession article inquired, “What’s a lady to do?” It made me think of Proverbs 31. Certainly there is a list of quality counter-obsessions a woman could undertake and still be serving and available when her man comes home with rabbits to clean. In vs. 13, weaving, crocheting, knitting, quilting; vs. 14, meal preparation, trying new recipes, and investigating foreign cuisine; vs. 16, perhaps a new gardening endeavor, a vineyard, an orchard, an herb garden to keep your family healthy; vs. 18, a craft or trade that contributes to the family’s finances or food pantry; vs. 19, spinning, raising fiber, goats, or sheep; vs. 20, community service, church ministry, visiting the widows or those in need; vs. 21, making clothes; vs. 22, keeping herself and the home in order; vs. 24, making and selling garments, crafts, etc.; vs. 26, reading God’s word, developing a Bible study (or writing a book!) and taking time to share it with younger women, taking an online course or researching an area of interest through books or websites; vs. 27, managing all aspects of the home that your husband has entrusted to you, paying bills, keeping the books, following a budget (or developing one!); vs.28, developing relationships with your children by investing time in their interests.
When I read the article entitled “Obsessions” in the latest No Greater Joy magazine, I had to laugh. I have been married for two years exactly as of this week, and I found out pretty quickly once we were married my husband was going to have more obsessions than just me. It’s helpful to know that other men are the same way. I’m going to start by saying that I did not, and sometimes still do not, have the best attitude about his “hobbies.” One of my husband’s greatest qualities is his ability to completely pour himself into anything he does. I have never seen him do a half-hearted job at anything and I admire that. It can be frustrating, however, when I want him to spend time with me and he’s too busy doing his best! The three things I try to do to not get frustrated with his obsessions are:
1. Learn to do it with him and learn to love it.
2. Watch him do it and help him if I can.
3. If I can’t do it with him or watch him do it, I find something productive to do while he’s gone.
If you would like to read more stories like this, ask a question, or share your own story about what you are doing right now to prepare yourself for your future husband, then join the conversation online at PreparingToBeAHelpMeet.com. There, we as wives and young girls can continue to prepare ourselves to be what God has called us to be. I look forward to each of your stories.