From a writer on the blog:
We just got the Sept/Oct NGJ today. My interest was definitely piqued when I read Shalom’s article. I really did not know what things were like outside of my (rural farming) area. It’s frightening to hear that it is somewhat the same in other places…I know of so many WONDERFUL Christian young ladies in their late 20s who are still waiting for their man to come along, and it makes me think—if these amazing girls are not married, then how would I ever have a chance at finding a husband? I have to say, reading the article was very depressing, mostly because it corroborated what I’ve already seen and didn’t want to admit.
I got to thinking—is there any way that we gals can help to remedy this situation? I know that the most important thing is prayer; we must pray for godly men to be raised up, young men who are ready to raise a family. But what else could we do?
I also was thinking perhaps I am too picky. Could that be part of the problem? Am I expecting these young men to be spiritual giants while I excuse my own faults?
Another thing—if there are no mature young men around us, should we gals then settle for someone we think would be less than ideal? (I’m talking about rational concerns now, not just girlish whims.)
I really want to be married someday…I mean REALLY. It is depressing then when I survey this state of affairs! I’m sure most of you girls know how I feel! It is even harder in my area, because there really are not that many men period, let alone “marriage material” guys! (I guess that’s why I should be going to the Texas Shindig!)
Hi, girls, I think I need to expand or explain my article “Where Are the Men?” since so many are talking about it on the blog. (By the way, the Preparing blog site will be down for a few weeks while it is being revamped so that married ladies can write on one site and single girls on another.)
Anyway, back to the article I wrote. I knew I needed to say something, but I didn’t get my message across completely. I just see so many girls waiting around for Mr. Right, and that is not what God has called young ladies to do. 1 Corinthians 7:34 says, “There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” Yes! God created us to be a help meet to our own husbands, but he also wants those that are unmarried to be actively serving him. Notice he says, “The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord.” Just as the married woman cares for her husband (thinks about what he wants, serves him), the unmarried woman cares for the things of the Lord—thinks about what He wants, and serves Him. Neither instance of caring is a passive, sit-around-the-house-and-contemplate sort of thing. Both types of women are actively working and serving the one whom they care for. Most of the girls I know care more about getting married than they do about serving God.
You said, “maybe I am too picky.” I do believe that is true at times, but we all want the best God has for us (check out the “Small Flame” video. My dad writes in the booklet, To Betroth or Not to Betroth, “A person that lives his life by his own best devices and does not get daily guidance from God has no right to expect anything special when it comes to marriage.” If we are not obeying Scripture and actively caring for the things of the Lord, then how do we expect to meet that special man that God has for us?
I heard a story last week about a girl who was in Africa ministering. There were only native people around. She was where God wanted her, and do you know what? A fine Christian man came there to minister, not knowing that she was also there, and they soon married. I heard another story not long ago of a young girl who went to work in an orphanage in Mexico and was there for several years with no prospects of marriage. But a young man came to work there, and they were soon married. I believe these ladies are getting God’s best, don’t you?
You asked, “What else could we do?” I do think we can do something about the lack of God-fearing men out there. In chapter one of Preparing to Be His Help Meet, Mom (Debi Pearl) wrote about praying—not for you to find a husband, but that God would raise up men to serve him. I know several young men who would make wonderful fathers and great husbands, and who are very hard working, but they are not saved. These men are just good guys, raised by good, hard-working, country parents, but the young men do not know the Lord. There are lots of good guys out there who were not raised in a God-fearing home, but if they were to get saved, they would make a difference in this world.
So I want you girls to do two things: (1) Start caring for the things of the Lord, and (2) start praying that God will work in the hearts of young men around the world. If you want to be inspired by a young lady’s walk in serving the Lord, google “Kisses from Katie.” — Shalom
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Something I have seen prove true also is: if an unmarried young lady is concerned about getting married just as an 'escape' or a 'distraction' from what God has called her to currently to, her heart may still look for those 'escapes' or 'distractions' as a married woman. And then as a married woman, those things would take her AWAY from her husband. Be vigilant. Guard your hearts!
In my opinion, a woman should be careful with what man he marries. As it is written in (Eph. 5:22-23), the wife is called to submit unto her husband as unto the Lord, as men submit unto the Lord, for the man is the head of the woman, as the Lord is the head of man. Therefore, you should find a man of God, a man not concerned by the things of this world but by the things of the world to come, a man that does not respect person but fears God, a man strong in the Lord, strong in the faith, strong in love, that is willing not only to love you with all selflessness but to give his live for you (Eph. 5:25). The best thing you can do is pray without ceasing for a husband, if you need one, but it is always best to be consecrated as a virgin, but to whom are called. For if you receive a husband it is because the Lord gave him to you, whatever the case your marriage is of God, that is if you walk by God, chosen by Him not by you, so be at ease you have nothing to worry about! God loves his daughters, He will see to it to place you in good hands. The best thing you can do is to pray without ceasing, and to gradually grow in virtue. A man of God will not be after your flesh or outward appearance, though cute and girly attributes do attract us, we will not search therein, because our regenerated heart will be attracted by your virtue to see as the Lord sees and not as other men see. The worst man you could be betrothed to, maybe for your own benefit, is an egotistical man, if a man is all for himself and nothing for God, be assured this man does not know how to love a wife, he will not love you as you need to be loved or satisfy you as you need to be satisfied. Pray without ceasing and God bless your hearts with love!
I am a joyfully married woman of 8 years and 3 months! I am 26 years old and the mother of 5 (including one in the making) and I have dwelt on this same topic because I think back to my own days before marriage and how it happened so quick for me (married at 18) I also have several nieces who are and are becoming of marriage age and I wonder for them and they wonder too. Here are some very good things to commit to and that is I really believe that the Almighty will lead you to your partner no doubt if you will wait on Him completely and I mean wait, be willing to be a single woman for years if not your life if that be His will and keep praying about it and pour out your heart about it to Him and in the mean time keep yourself busy serving Him and preparing to be the bride of His Son. He is fully capable of leading you to your husband. How about this, your future husband may be a man who has recently left the world and has a ways to go in his spiritual growth yet the help of a unconditionally loving wife (you) would supercharge his growth greatly and help him become a great man...he may not have it even near together but here is what you look for...the repentant heart...the man who will stop at nothing to become a man of the Almighty Creator...a man with that mindset can and will become a great man and even more so with the help of a loving helping wife by his side....I married such a man and wow you should see how far he has come in 8 years (he was formerly in a rock band and doing all kinds of wickedness and finding himself in all kinds of hurt and pain and when there was no where left to turn he finally heard the calling of our Father and he has never turned back). My husband is becoming greater and greater each day. SO what I say is, you could be one who gets a wonderful man properly trained and brought up by his parents or you could be one who receives a man who has been damaged by the deception of satan and this world yet hears the call of his Heavenly Father and goes after Him with his heart on fire... are you the sort of woman who could help such a man who could love such a man? The virtuous men are hard to find these days but there are plenty of hurting men in need of repair...never-the-less, this is why we must pray and wait because the Almighty would have to prepare the right timing and bless the whole situation or it will be doomed....so another question is, are we strong enough women to be helpers to the many broken men out there who are also desperate for their helper to come along? To step up and be the women that the Most High calls us to be (O, the forgotten art of true and righteous womanhood....)
A Proclamation To All Young Men Of Godly Character:
We, young ladies of this generation, wish to honor and glorify God through our lives and families. Our goals to honor our husbands, raise our children in the Lord, and reach out to lost souls around us, will remain unreached without your help. Without your leadership, your wisdom, your strength, we will fail to be and do all that we could. Without you,we will continue to do our best, praying and working, but some of us will lose heart, and our churches, the already weak morality of our country, will decline, along with our hope for our homes and families.
You must stand and be the men that others failed to be. We pray for your strength and wisdom, for your protection from all that you will face. GO REAL MEN, GO!!
Shalom, thanks so much for this follow up article. It explained your original point - I agree with you! And I really enjoyed meeting you at the Shindig!
I've been adult and single now for over ten years, and I want to back up Shalom by saying I have seen the need for the same things. Single gals need to be active and not put off life. The book "Did I Kiss Marriage Good Bye?" by C. McCulley really helped me with this. A good question I ask myself is: What should my life to look like when I am 40? I hope I'm married by the time I am 40, but if I'm not I really do want to be serving Christ fully and living a responsible life... and still excited and hopeful about marriage!
Secondly - yes! We single gals need to unselfishly pray for this generation of men. After all, we are the most logical group to be praying - we probably think about them more than anyone else does!
I also see a need for confident, busy single gals to be open about wanting to get married. Not to start sounding desperate, but to make hope for marriage part of our identity and a natural part of our conversation. Many girls tend to hide saying anything about it when talking to guys. I only started working on this after a guy friend told me I needed to!
Ultimately, I believe that those with the most power to bring godly husbands into young women's lives are other godly men. The main issue at hand is a lack of godly single men. Manhood is taught best by other men. Valuing marriage and how to prepare to be a husband and father is taught best by men to men.
Fathers, elders, pastors, brothers, grandfathers, male friends - all our brothers in Christ - I am so deeply grateful for how you are disciplining other men to courageously follow Christ! I see it and I bless you and I pray for your work. I humbly plead with you to continue to do so as much as possible.
Amen Shalom, I am another woman who found her husband while on home assignment from the mission field for one year. I met him the first time I attended my new church at the time. I was the only woman in a Sunday School class of nine single men. (How often does that happen!?) After looking around the room I decided I would like to get to know one in particular. God chose him well. He has been my faithful, godly husband now for 20 years. I am convinced that waiting on God's timing while ministering and pleasing God is crucial for every young lady who wants to have a godly husband. I was 30 when We got married but he was definitely worth the wait! God is good. By the way I began praying for my future spouse when I was sixteen. I have been praying for my children' s future spouses since they were born.
Just wanted to take the time to send this to you as a way of saying thank you for all of the posts that are on Facebook. I also have read a the books on marriage. I'm still single at this point in my life, but I love your explanation about serving God while waiting. If I do not marry, that is fine as it gives me time to study God's Word with fewer distraction so that I can learn to serve better. Thank you all so very much for your teaching.