Proverbs 14:1 "Every wise woman buildeth her house; but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands."
1. Do you feel comfortable spending that much money buying that ________?
He begins to doubt his ability to make wise decisions.
2. Are you sure God wants you to work at that job and be away from us all the time?
He wonders about his reasons for working there, even though it is a good job. He remembers he has had opportunity to witness. Yet? He grows unsure of his own leading.
3. Honey, I need to ask you something very important that really tears me up inside, does this activity not grieve your spirit?
The Spirit of God had been prompting him concerning this, but he was trying not to hear; almost he brought the subject up himself last evening, but now she is disappointed with him. He suspects he is not spiritual, but somehow the whole thing makes him angry. He feels pushed.
4. Why don’t you ever want to go with me to ________?
He doesn’t feel comfortable around those people, they seem so artificial, and their kids are whiny jerks. The man talks in a quiet humble way which grates on his nerves, it just seem so “put on,” but his wife doesn’t see it that way. He guesses he must be carnal. Somehow he just doesn’t care anymore.
5. Before we were married you read your Bible; at least you said you did, why don’t you ever read and teach me and the children?
He has a vague memory of enjoying reading and relating to how scared Moses was of the job God gave him, but somewhere he just lost interest. He supposes he is backslidden.
6. Why don’t you spend more time with our sons?
The thrill of having boys has faded. The few times he has disciplined them, his wife talked with him later for being harsh. Maybe he was. He likes being with the men better; anyway, they are mama’s boys. Not that they are sissies, they just have this close, talky, relationship with mama. He feels separated. He’s not that type. He can see the accusation in the boys’ eyes; it is reflected from their mother’s eyes. Same questioning look, which provokes in him the same feelings of condemnation he gets from being around her. He thinks, “I am a real jerk. I wonder if I’m even saved.”
7. Do you ever think of just loving me in the spiritual way instead of the carnal? I am so hungry for some deep spiritual understanding and communication.
Something deep inside him is so dissatisfied, so frustrated that she responds only when she feels right about it. It speaks nothing of his manhood. His soul is sick all the way to its core. He falls asleep dreaming of the woman he met in the store today. God, help his filthy soul.
7. Sweetheart, why won’t you have devotions with us? We want you to lead us in prayer and help us grow spiritual. The Bible says you are our spiritual leader, why, why will you not lead?
He laughs inside himself, “Are you kidding? I can’t do that. I would feel like a total hypocrite. I can’t teach them about something I don’t know. I’m out of here.” He leaves, or works, or watches TV all the same; it is his escape.
8. Why do you think the pastor said that about Charles? Don’t you think it was cruel? Sometimes I wonder if we should go to Church somewhere else.
Angry bile seethes in him as he listens to her tell the story for the fourth time. He silently contemplates, “The pastor’s a jerk. He’s not any better than anyone else. I don’t know what makes him think he’s so righteous.”
9. Poor Charles, it is so sad to see what the preacher’s mean words have done to that family. Don’t you think we should do something about it, like call and let them know we love them and don’t agree with the pastor, because I am so hurt at the pastor myself?
Frustrated at his own failures, and bitterness at others has run its course and is now bearing fruit as he silently surmises: “All those self-religious people make me sick. I don’t care what they do, but they will not do it to me.”
10. Honey, its church time. You need to get dressed. What! are you not going? But you always go to Church? Do you think you should let a silly thing like that business with Charles, keep you from worship? What about the boys? You’ll be a bad influence on them, don’t you care?
11. Jane, I want you to know that without your close, loving friendship, which I turn to everyday, I would never be able to get through this loveless marriage. He is so cold and distant. He doesn’t care about the children. I don’t know how I could have been so deceived into thinking he was a fine Christian man when I married him. Will you ask the girls to pray for him this week at our women’s meeting?
Proverbs 14:1 “Every wise woman buildeth her house; but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”
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I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. 3 John 4
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Who’s The Man?
I am glad that I have read this article-IT IS RIGHT ON! This is actually the 2nd or 3rd time i have read it. I remember the first time I read it was a couple of years ago and my husband read it too and one day he came by me and placed the magazine in front of me and said, "baby, will you read that?" Haha! I don't blame Him. Sadly, I am just now really beginning to see how much i need to focus on MY SINS and support and truly love him with the love of 1 Cor. 13. I am more often looking at him and seeing that he has been the more righteous of us two...time to go build my house
I am glad that I have read this article-IT IS RIGHT ON! This is actually the 2nd or 3rd time i have read it. I remember the first time I read it was a couple of years ago and my husband read it too and one day he came by me and placed the magazine in front of me and said, "baby, will you read that?" Haha! I don't blame Him. Sadly, I am just now really beginning to see how much i need to focus on MY SINS and support and truly love him with the love of 1 Cor. 13. I am more often looking at him and seeing that he has been the more righteous of us two...time to go build my house
I don't know if you guys respond to comments, but I have a question regarding this article. My husband smokes cigars on occasion in the summertime... No problem as far as i'm concerned, but the other day we were having dinner outside on my grandma deck and he brought out cigars for him and my father to have. Our two children under 2 were there, he has never smoked in front of them before and I was actually kind of surprised he was planning on doing so considering the effects of secondhand smoke. I asked him if he thought it was a good idea. He thought about it and decided not to, and my dad as well. I guess what I'm trying to clarify is to what extent are you applying this concept?
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Well, I find this whole topic is missing the point. According to the Bible a husband and wife should be as one flesh, so if they are honest and sharing everything she wouldn't have to ask questions. They would both discuss a situation together and then he would make a decision. He is the head. And the feelings you speak of that he may have he would share with her and she with him. This article seems to be telling us that a wife shouldn't be honest about her feelings with her husband. And at what point in a godly relationship should respectful honesty not be a part? Not in the Bible I read.
For some reason my subscription to No Greater Joy quit coming. Could you please start sending it again?
Thank you very much,
Christina Watson
Sorry, but men just aren't as complicated as you're making them out to be. I know, I am one. Very few men overanalyze in the way you are describing. We're really pretty simple creatures like that. Just have an open, honest conversation with us and we'll be happy to help get the situation resolved. I'm not sure why you labor under the assumption that all men are oppressive, repressed, sulky bullies. One last thing: This guy is a jerk and the wife is tearing the house down? Really?
Amen, Jason!!!
I am so glad to hear you say that. This feels like all the weight is on the wife's shoulders. I was reading this whole thing thinking, "so I should just try to be a fly on the wall and not say anything even respectfully negative because that might hurt his ego and make him spiral out of control? What SHOULD I do?" I guess just pray hard?
I'm sorry, it just feels like telling the copilot of a plane, "If the pilot starts to stray off course or pulls out sleeping pills, don't say anything or do anything or you will make him crash."
Aren't we a team? Maybe it isn't so much the questions asked, but the spirit behind the questions. When Mary asked "How can this be?" she was blessed because it was a statement of trust and wonder. When Zechariah asked "How can this be?" he was punished because he was questioning the truth of what he was told.
I agree that a woman's spirit should always be respectful and willing to trust and obey, but to say that we should never express concern or confide in our husband when we feel sad or upset about anything, is really putting us as wives in a prison of our own bodies. If we can't be honest with our husbands, who can we talk to? Not our friends either I guess, judging by the last point... What a lonely life... For both husband and wife.
Now, let me just say that I was raised in ATI, with all these teachings engrained in me from a very young age. It wasn't until I got married myself that my HUSBAND began to show me how free my life could be with real trust and real love. Perfect love casts out fear. A wife who is afraid to say the "wrong" thing and so never says anything, is not experiencing love as God meant for her to.
My husband was the first person who ever told me I had a *right* to cry and a *right* to be disappointed sometimes. I was taught growing up that I HAD no rights.
He even told me he never wants to walk into a room and find me crying by myself if he has had no indication I was even sad. He WANTS to know. *glows with gratitude*
He says I'm his copilot, and even gets upset when I saw a problem and didn't tell him about it. He says, "I'm only human. That's why God gave me you."
Yes, yes, yes. Kaytie! I see so many women suffer because men don't understand what your blessed husband seems to get. Marriage is teamwork, not a dictatorship. Working together in love grants so many rewards for both husband and wife!
I totally agree with you altho there is something to be said about how a woman shares her heart with her husband can encourage or discourage him.
Women do you realize the power you wield over us husbands if you would just do it God's way? Do you realize the power you have to work in our lives to HELP form us into the mighty men we are to be? Do you realize the power you have to make us view you as the damsel we will protect, love and adore and slay any dragon that will threaten you?....if only you would use that power Gods way.
I agree George! Women rule the world because of that power if only we wielded our strength with love be and selflessness. But telling women they shouldn't share their concerns isn't helpful either. There is a subtle art to being a woman and sadly too many women have no idea how to wield their power. Either we are weak and cowering in a corner helpless and victimized or crazed man haters. Women need to find that middle ground that so characterized the early pioneers, Viking warrior women, ans the like. Soft when needed tough when needed. Be patient with us, culture has messed us up.
I think some of the controversy surrounding this post over the years is cleared away when you consider the differences between types of men and ask yourself what kind of man you are married to. Not all men are going to respond in exactly the same way to this woman's words and actions. My husband happens to be the type described in this story. He tends to get withdrawn and angry.
So i was very convicted about the way I am tearing down my own home by trying to play the holy spirit in his life and manipulating him and also feeding his anger and bitterness with my gossip.
So some men would not react to the woman's behavior exactly like my husband does, but the self-righteous motivation behind what we wives do and say (or the thoughtlessness!) will always effect our husbands for the worse. *No matter how we do it.*
Couples should be able to talk through things together, yes, but no man is ever made a better man because his wife manipulated him to be one!
As soon as I read this article I apologized to my husband for the way I had just moments earlier, questioned his motives for the way we were spending our day. I subtly hinted that maybe he was just after money and that's why he didn't spend the day with me like we had planned. But when I dug deeper.... I realized that I wasn't at all concerned about his motives, I was just hurt/mad because he changed our plans.
There are so many ways I could've approached this man that might have reached his heart and brought about a great conversation..... Making him feel less than a man and less than spiritual and less than ME was Not one of them.
.................
Thanks Mrs. Pearl. I appreciate your wisdom!