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Sobering Issues - Modesty

June 15, 2006

A woman who does not believe a young man struggles daily against visual temptation is simple.

Dear Debi,

I have truly enjoyed your book Created to Be His Help Meet. It has been a blessing to me and many of my friends. I have given it to many ladies, and some have questions about the way you put things. Some ladies take exception to the story of the lady who wears the tight skirt and the man’s reaction. They say, “She makes it sound like Lydia (Bathsheba) is responsible for his actions. Why didn’t the young man go for counselling? I don’t believe a normal young man has a constant, day to day sexual struggle against visual temptation. They don’t have to regardless of how a girl is dressed. This sounds too much like, “If you dress like that, you are just asking to be raped.”

My husband downloads your messages, and he and his boss listen to them at work. He loves his job.

~ Leslie


A woman who does not believe a young man struggles daily against visual temptation is simple. Go look up “simple” in a KJV Bible to see what God thinks of “simple” people. I’ll go ahead and explain from my perspective, of once being sunk in the mire of visual temptation. A man’s eyes are drawn to pleasing shapes: the curves of a Corvette (the 1971 Stingray being my favorite), the flowing stream as it goes around a bend, or the hips revealed by a tight clothes, tight enough to reveal whether the “lines” are there or not.

As a saved family man, I must adhere to the Bible command to entreat or regard “the younger [women] as sisters, with all purity” (1 Timothy 5:2), even if those sisters are dressed in a way that catches my eye. If I give in to the temptations based on what I see, I am guilty of sinning. However, you women who think you are absolved from responsibility in this area are wrong. Why make it difficult for me and your brothers? Why not love me as a brother in Christ and dress in a way that does not make me conscious of what I used to do and be? Mike has commented in the past about alcoholics who get saved. He admonishes them to stay away from places like bars, because the flesh has been conditioned to enjoy alcohol’s powers.

science of addiction

Likewise, as a former porn reader, porn movie viewer who liked self-gratification to satisfy his wild drive, I don’t want to see those curves. I keep my eyes up. My wife edits magazines we get (like Popular Mechanics) which have those kinds of pictures, before I or my sons get to look at them, and that’s the way I want it.

I tell my boys about the dangers of a woman who dresses like “Lydia.” My son, 6 years old, sees women in public and observes how they dress. “Daddy, is that a ‘strange lady’?” He’s referring to the “strange woman” of Proverbs 7. I answer, “I don’t know if she is, but she certainly dresses like one.” And we have seen them at “church.” Do you want my son to look at you and think of you as a “strange lady”? How about your daughter, would my sons think she is strange? My sons won’t marry a woman who doesn’t respect a man’s propensity to visual temptation. They’ll marry a woman who reveals herself to them and them only.

My daughters won’t dress like a strange woman either. Mine, at only 9 years old, knows that she should keep her body from a man’s eyes, reserving it for her future husband. In the grocery store one day, when my daughter was wearing a skirt that flowed around her ankles, she heard another little girl (dressed in shorts) point to my daughter and comment to her own mother, “Look, Mom, she’s beautiful!” Why not dress beautifully rather than like a slut? You should get out of your ignorance before your dinner guest looks at you or your daughter then visits the bathroom. Well, that’s probably already happened.

— A friend of the ministry

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13 comments on “Sobering Issues - Modesty”

  1. What a good article! I am a mother to three little girls and one only has to read the news to know the danger out there to them. Not to mention, I do not want them to think they should dress provocatively to attract attention! Loved this article!

  2. She is absolutely right. I have a 9-month-old daughter, and I am definitely aiming for modesty. My daughters are to be "pure virgins" when they grow up, and also love the Lord with all their heart, soul and mind. -Irma

  3. I completely agree with this article as well, and I would also submit that even other women are uncomfortable with a woman who flaunts her body and is careless about how she dresses. There are many things that go on in the spirit that we cannot see, and to act as if this is not happening is exactly what the author states, SIMPLE! Think about why women started wearing pants in the first place, and the consequences that men, women, and children have had to face as a result of that rebellion. A person dresses to play a part. Our clothes are our uniform, so to speak. When I was lost in sin, I dressed the part. When I decided to give my life to Jesus, the first thing I changed was my dress code. Over the years the Holy Spirit has been convicting me of the way that I dress, even though I gave up the skimpy clothes,because there is power in it. Just as there was power over men when I dressed like a slut, and was indulging those spiritual forces who so many years ago convinced women that their bodies were objects instead of a temple of the Holy Spirit, there is power in my modesty, and leaving my body for my husbands eyes only. When I chose to stop wearing tight jeans, shirts, and the latest fashion that our culture has decided that I should wear, and chose to take back what God created me to be, which is a modest woman of virtue, who doesn't need the world's approval, only the approval of my Heavenly Father,and my husband. Things began to change in my own spirit, my husband's spirit, and my four boys' spirits. My words became softer, I felt more beautiful, It was easier for me to respond with reverence and respect to my husband. Basically everything that I struggled with as far as being a godly wife and mother was made much easier because I broke free from the world's standards for a woman by trading in my jeans for a skirt. The world's standards are all about the physical, her clothes, her hair cut, her make-up, her home. I was able to completely put on God's standards unhindered. I had to let this last thing go. My husband's heart is softened to me now, my children more easily revere their dad, because the gender lines are very distinct, and the act of my submission to him in my dress has changed the atmosphere of the spirit in my home. Think about it ladies! Men wouldn't be caught dead wearing a dress or skirt. Not too many years ago women wouldn't have been caught dead in pants. Take pride in your femininity and embrace who God made you to be. You will never regret it!

  4. My relationship with God and my husband have changed after reading Created to be his help meet. I agree with Angela in every word she says. God convicted me on my clothing and yes I love my skirts now and less if any make up and jewelry. I was a women that had to have the latest and greatest cloths and hairstyle. Now I spend my time thinking about not how I can please the world but, how and what can I do to please my God. When I look at my skirt it always reminds me of my Heavenly Father. I love being a women. My husband has changed as well. He is more loving and caring. I think you Debi but, most of all I think God for giving you the book.

  5. Very well put. We as women often confuse our desire to be pretty with our desire to be attractive. The first is I believe a God given instinct, to be our husband's crown of glory (which according to the Scripture is to be modestly "covered", by the way). The second is very corrupted, if it is aimed at anyone but our husband and that in private - not public.
    And let's admit it to ourselves, ladies, we also want to be pretty to get attention. And if we don't get it naturally, we are sometimes subconsciously willing to go to great lengths, to get that attention and feel prettier than the other ladies out there. In doing that, we often compromise the line between pretty and seductive. It took me a long time to understand this concept, even though I was by no means dressing provocatively by today's standards.
    Modesty is by no means a verdict that, we have to wear old, drab, and ill-fitting clothing, or look ugly. That is a common misunderstanding. We are allowed to look pretty, but not immodest. Instead, I urge the women readers to really search their hearts before the Lord to show us, what His standards would be. Find beauty, without compromising yourself, respect for your husband, and most importantly, the Lord.
    If you ask the godly men in your lives, you will be surprised, what you will hear. A lot of men are afraid of saying the truth, because they don't want to be embarrassed, they don't want to be labeled as sex addicts for their healthy God-given instincts, or they don't want to get into struggles with us, ladies, who are likely to accuse them of being controlling of our liberties.
    Which reminds me of the commendable stand taken by Kylie Bisutti, a Victoria's Secret model, who will no longer model underwear because of modesty. She is on a very good path, but in the interview, she gave, she is still wearing a low-cut, cleavage-revealing dress... Only time will tell, how far she will be willing to take her faithfulness to the Lord and let Him reveal to her, what is His standard of clothing. She is on a good path for now...
    In conclusion: It is very hard for us ladies to find balance in today's culture. So, I urge you again to search your heart before the Lord and come up with clothing that is truly beautiful, colorful, and even fashionable, but very strictly modest. It may be challenging, since there isn't much out there in the stores, that will fit the description. Well, let's look harder. Let's get creative. Let's even learn to sew, if we need to.

  6. Frankly, I found that last paragraph incredibly offensive. While there is merit the arguments made, I feel as if the author reduced himself to an immature and inappropriate level with the final sniping line. The only purpose it served was to create an unequal bias and flush out emotions that are not even relevant to the circumstance at hand. I expected better from anything published on this site.

  7. I agree with below commentator, that last paragraph was inappropriate and graphic, and frankly what gives your site the right to publish vulgar statements but our comments are reviewed and censored for "sarcasm". Hypocrite, much? While i agree women should take responsibility for how they dress, if a guy has to "go to the bathroom" only after seeing a womans knees in a skirt too short and saw that she had "lines", well he must have a very unsatisfied wife. I have had many male friends.of the "secular" world and most would laugh at the PCC girls walking around in ankle length skirts and would make comments that it takes much more than exposed legs and arms to make them want to pursue a girl sexually.

  8. Does anyone have a pattern for the dresses shown in the picture? I am in need of modest dress/top patterns for me (and my girls when they get bigger) but am having a hard time finding anything as feminine as these dresses. Thank you in advance!

    1. Danielle, I dress modestly and I have ordered clothes from You can either order by your size or by your measurements. Also, for a nominal fee ($7.50) they will customize the neckline, sleeves, length of the dresses. And most of the dresses have pockets! The styles are a wink to the dresses of the '50. And the prints/styles are cute and flattering. They often have sales. Their customer service is superb. Hope you find something you like!

  9. Thank you for this article, I completely agree. But I have to say nothing frustrates me more than other ladies who say they dress modestly but they leave their long creamy arms bare, load on the makeup, and wear sandals which allow me to see their feet and or toes (I know not everyone agrees with me on this but some people fetishise feet!!). My epiphany came when I realised nothing feels freer that when I'm wearing a long nightgown - so comfy, not cinched in at the waist (which defeats the entire point). If God made me feel most comfortable like this, why on earth would I contort my body into tight, clingy outfits? Straps digging in, sleeves tight under my arms, tight skirts which don't even allow me to move my legs properly! Modesty doesn't mean you can't enjoy lovely fabrics, prints, colours etc. either! I actually sew nearly all my own clothes because the only things I can find to buy are the dresses Muslim women wear - perfect coverage, the perfect pattern, but so black and boring! I don't want men to think sinful thoughts just because they look at me. Imagine what it must do to sons when they see their mothers like this! My body is for my husband, every curve, every bit of skin. I (and he) would not want anyone to touch my skin or curves, so why put them on display???!

  10. I think this is a wonderful article. I dont really get depressed, but I do become ungrateful and entitled. In comparison to many people on this planet I live an incredibly blessed life. Love the visual reminder.