Filter by: Products Articles
Filter by:
Do you get our FREE Magazine?

A Little Child Shall Lead Them

April 15, 2006

You Ask, Michael Answers

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Pearl,
I am a teen girl who has a problem. A man in my family took sexual liberties with me that were not his to take. I told my parents and they were sad and a little upset, but did NOTHING. This man is not in jail for hurting me and my parents have not confronted him. I have to pretend that he did not hurt me, by talking to him and even being alone with him. I am very scared and worried. I am not even safe in my own room. I am scared that he will hurt me again, or my little sister.

When I try to tell my parents, they say I am “silly” and “childish.” It try to tell them that next time he might be more bold because he might think I have not told. I say, “He could rape me next time!” but they won’t listen.

Please help! Should my parents confront him? Should we take legal action? I want him punished. He ruined my innocence and purity!

Thank you, Scared


Dear Scared,
Your innocence has been stolen, but not your purity. God does not condemn you for what this evil man has done to you. God does condemn him. Jesus said, “But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea” (Matthew 18:6). As I write this letter to you, I am so hurt and mad that all I can think about is how I would like to get my hands on the filthy pervert who hurt you. I would slap him until he cried and then I would kick him. “Do not I hate them, O LORD, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee? I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies” (Psalm 139:21-22).
Finally I would call the law and see to it that he got at least 20 years in the state penitentiary where he would get some of his own medicine back.

Then I would apologize to you on behalf of all men and assure you that we are not all like that. And I would promise you that God will heal you, and someday you will marry a righteous man who will cherish and protect you.

Yes, you are right. This rotten devil will strike again, if not you, then other children. He feeds on pornography. His soul is twisted. Hell awaits him in the end, but in the mean time, we must protect the children. Yes, he must be exposed to the public. He must be handcuffed and pushed into the back of a squad car. He must be finger printed and thrown into a jail with murderers and rapists. He must stand in a court room and hear the sentence passed against him. He must be given a prison uniform and hear the door close behind him and then turn and face fourteen hundred inmates, many of whom despise child molesters. He will have thousands of nights to remember his sin and understand the seriousness of it. Maybe one day he will walk into the chapel service where I am preaching and he will hear the gospel preached. Perhaps God will have mercy on him and he will repent. God will save him and he will be forgiven and delivered from sin.

But for the present, you must go to your parents and tell them that either they call the law and report him or you are going to do it. Warn them that if you are forced to call the law, they may be incriminated for not doing so themselves. They would be construed to be accomplishes for knowing of the ongoing crime and not taking action to stop it.

Now I want to try to help you understand your parents. It is obvious that the perpetrator is someone in your family, possibly an older brother, an uncle, or perhaps a grandfather. In situations like this, parents are sometimes so shocked that they do not face reality. They just hope that this is the last of it and that it will go away. They know the trauma of everyone finding out that this family member is the most despised of sinners, and of him going to trial and to jail. I am ashamed to tell you, but you need to know: Your parents are cowards. It looks like they care more for their reputations than they do for you, but they are just moral weaklings with no spiritual or moral backbone.

If you give them the ultimatum and they still refuse to act, then tell everyone you meet that this person has accosted you in a sexual way. Tell everybody at church. Call everyone in the family. Denounce him in the home. Denounce him in public. He and your parents are making you bear his sin in silence. Let him bear his own sin in public.

There is “a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate” (Ecc. 3:7-8). It is the time to speak, and it is time to hate. When he has served his time and repented, then it will be time to keep silent and time to forgive.

When he gets to the prison, send us his name and address and we will send him a new Bible and some Bible tapes.

Dear Mike & Debi,
I have been married 25 years to a professing Christian man that has had adulterous affairs and is deep in the sexual bondage addiction. If I do not let him tie me up and have sex once a week he leaves me. I am at wits end. I go to a Baptist Church and that is where I heard of you. I just cannot go to our Pastor about this. I need help. Please give me some godly advice.

My husband left last year (has been back since June) spent all our money, we had to file bankruptcy because he picked up a 22-year-old prostitute that let him tie her up. He gave her everything. I am so confused. I beg God to help him or to take me home. I have even thought of suicide, but I have a great daughter and a beautiful grandson. This would break their hearts. I did bad things in my past. I have repented and I am wondering if God is punishing me with this. I feel so defiled. L

Dear L,
Perversion has no point of fulfillment. Once a man starts o
n the road to porn, and then into the perverse, there will be no point of satisfaction. Sexual perversion is a quest for the bazaar. When the bazaar becomes common it loses its appeal and must be traded in for the more twisted and vile (Titus 1:15). Tying you up is his practice of rape and violence. There can be no love in this behavior. It is an insatiable fantasy for the illicit and forbidden that excites him. Never participate in his evil imagination. It is time to let him leave and not come back. By leaving and by joining himself to another, he has become one flesh with the other person (1 Cor. 6:16). He is no longer one flesh with you, no longer married to you. He has “put you away.” In today’s terminology, you are a divorced woman. You are free from him, (1 Corinthians 7:15, Matthew 19:9).

The Bible doesn’t tell a wife what to do in this case, because under Mosaic law, he would be put to death. The Bible assumes that no man would be allowed to live who committed theses sins.

You share no blame for his sin. It is his alone. If you allow him to return after being with other women, you are at high risk for AIDS.

After accepting the divorce he has pressed upon you, you may want to spend the rest of your days praying for his salvation and deliverance from sin. It would indeed bring glory to God if you should pray him into repentance.


Leave a Reply

6 comments on “A Little Child Shall Lead Them”

  1. I am married to a Godly man, who for 13 yrs. loved and cherished his family. He was a minister for the last 10 yrs. We were in a ministry and the leadership was wrong biblically. My husband was counciled to leave the church because they were un-responsive to what the Bible taught. My husband instead tried to (his is a mr. visionary man) prove his point and was ultimatly fired. He bottled up everything and worked two jobs to support us, we have three children ages 13, 5, &4. He did that for 6 months. He then got hired on at a nother church and we moved. But soon after he exploded in anger at me, claiming he felt God calling him out of ministry. This was against everything I saw and our goal in life. I was wrong… I know that now but at the time I thought I was encouraging him to stick it out and this church is not that church. He became secretive and distant. He no longer showed affection to me. He stopped reading and praying. I was trying to bring him back to God. I now know that was God’s job not mine. This continued for most of a year. Then 3 weeks ago, at my wits end I went and talked with our home preacher and his wife. He had tried to talk to my husband and my husband had said all the right answers. The preachers wife gave me your book Created to Be His Help Meet. I began reading each chapter and God revealed how un submissive I have been. I was about to tell my husband that when on New Years eve he annouced that he was leaving me, the kids, his job and that he knows he is no longer with God. I was too late. My husband is a very intellectual man. He know scripture and docturn. But he was broken when we came and satan has grabbed him. He is very very lost. It has only been 4 days. And I guess I need to know what do I do. I want my husband back… I love him… I am choosing to love him. I want to be the help meet that he needs. I don’t know how to respond to him when he comes to get the kids… Should I be sad and crying (that is what I am), Should I smile, like the one letter in your book was and flirt with him. He has moved in to an apartment with another woman, though claims to be staying in the spare bedroom and that no sexual relations has happened. I am lost at what to do and how to win him back. Any advice would help… I don’t want to give up.

  2. Dear Mike and Debbie,
    My husband and I just celebrated our 7yr anniversary. I am very confused right now. I have always felt my husband was the better christian by far than I. I am a second generation christian so I know to do right but sometimes slip. My husband on the other hand comes from no church background or spiritual discernment growing up yet seemed to be a great man of faith I would have never questioned his salvation. Well this weekend my husband went to a church meeting and when he came back he told me he finally got in and had accepted Jesus as his savior. He then went on to tell me that he had a confession to make and that 4 years ago when he was out of town he had kissed another woman I was floored when I asked how it could come to that he said he was feeling jealous and he had decided to leave me. That was a worse blow to me than the fact he kissed someone else. I never knew or felt we had any issues in our marrige I thought everything was wonderful. He never shared his feelings to me. Anyway I guess I have a few questions. How can I be more observant to my husband so this never happens again? Also it was just a kiss but the fact that he planned to leave me ( we had a 2 yr old son and I was pregnant with our daughter) is extremly hard for me to get over the devil keeps throwing it in my face I feel as if I have lost my security and trust and my heart is broken how can I get over this feeling I feel as if it is self pity and I should get over it and move on it was so long ago. What is the best method to forgive and forget in this sort of situation? Will I regain the security and trust in my husband? Thanks you

  3. By saying that physical sex with someone other than a spouse equals a divorce, you are also saying that the sex act alone equals marriage. If God never gave up on adulterous Israel, and Hosea never gave up on his unrepentant adulterous wife and Jesus said even one lustful thought equals adultery, than what marriage is safe? I do believe Matthew 5:32 shows the marriage is not dissolved by cheating, but adds a 3rd person in the mix even if the marriage stays together, that 3rd party is permanently a part of their history nomatter how they wish it to be forgotten. Matthew 19:9 and 5:32 show that the act of divorce causes both spouses to commit adultery, unless they first commit adultery before the divorce, and Jesus made it clear all have fallen short of the glory of marriage purity since thoughts count too. Reminds me of Romans. All humans have committed adultery according to Jesus, married or not if thoughts count too. That is why He was so hated as there are those Christians who think that a single person can lust and fornicate all they want if they are not married, but Jesus calls that adultery too because they are worshipping pleasure, not God. You have taken Matthew 19:9 out of context. Only when I told my husband of absolute unconditional commitment did he stop talking about divorce and ask me to renew our wedding vows publicly, even publicly committing to stop looking at porn. He knows that he won’t find any other woman our kids will approve of that is willing, though imperfectly, to give him unconditional love and respect, for life nomatter what. He knows that those who approve of divorce by marrying him if I am still paperwise single, would just as easily divorce him if they got bored or frustrated with him. Adultery does not cancel a marriage spiritually, but remarriage to someone else does. I do believe God marries people and there are those who are legally joined that have sex and they have never made lifelong unconditional promises of commitment and loyalty. I believe they are not married, but just fornicating, committing adultery as Jesus defined it, nomatter what the paperwork says or how many kids they have. Let’s say a woman has sex with her husband and another man every day for week. Does she “marry” each of them back and forth and whoever is last is her current husband? I say it is whoever the God approved promises were made to. The book of Hosea makes no sense if what you say is true. God never gives up on adulterous Israel and pursues another people group because they became idol worshippers. Can Christians who sin undo their salvation by sin or idolatry. I say the Bible says if you can’t lose your salvation by sin, you can’t lose your marriage covenant by sin, since marriage represents Jesus relationship with the Church. Can’t earn it, can’t lose it, very attractive to lost spouses. Undeserved commitment leaves them scratching their heads. No lost person would offer it. Hearing of some of these situations as a lost person got me interested in church. Why? How? No reason but grace and power from God. The unmerciful servant type gives up on a marriage for adultery. Besides, where do you draw the line? Kissing, groping, all kinds of touching except what would cause a pregnancy? Ask the wife of a mentally unfaithful husband or vice versa, whose spouse is always physically faithful, if she feels he is not committing adultery. There’s my book on unlimited forgiveness. I received it and Jesus wants me to love others as He loved and forgave me. I AM supportive of separation and involving authorities as necessary, but never a Christian to not wholeheartedly seek reconciliation until death or their spouse remarrying. Trust God before starting a romance in the first place, and they won’t have to deal with such a spouse. If it’s too late, teach your kids to recognize someone without God’s loyal love in their heart. It is pretty easy, as easy as paleontologists recognizing fossils in a pile of rocks from a distance. It takes training that any 8 year old can comprehend and trust. Scare tactics work real well along with promises of blessings. We have plenty of scare tactics live in our own family and town and grocery store magazine covers to prove I speak the truth, that came from God not me anyway. Plenty of OT stories too. I am like the writer in Proverbs 31 who was not always a Proverbs 31 woman. Bathsheba was warning Solomon about women like she used to be. Men with an anger problem can be spotted a mile away, long before a romance begins. Willingness to be buddies with the opposite gender rather than just professional emotionally distant friends is a clue. Willing to be alone with a woman is another. That kind of boy will grow up to trust in female friends when his marriage is unfulfilling since he already knows how and is willing to get close emotionally with many females, yet another reason not to like public school or most private schools and youth groups. And it can go both ways with the wife being the disloyal angry one of course. I’m not picking on just guys.

  4. P.S. Commentaries on your SwordSearcher software indicate that 1 Cor. 7:15 means if the unbelieving give an ultimatum for her to renounce her Christian faith for him to stay, then let him leave and she is free to remarry. 1 Cor. 7:39 says a woman is bound to him as long as he live, not as long as he is physically faithful to her, living together or not. 1 Cor 7:11 says they are living apart and few men in that situation stay physically faithful if they believe their marriage is emotionally over, yet the wife is commanded to reconcile with him and no mention is made of his faithfulness or hers as a condition of reconciliation.

  5. Dear Mr & Mrs Pearl,
    My husband and I are pastoring a church in our local community. I’ve just read your book on created to his helpmeet and totally wants to live by it. I’ve seen that not living by those principles can have devastating effects on your marriage. My husband is “Mr command” thank you for that revelation. My husband had an affair many years ago and it took us years to recover from that. After that experience God took me on a journey on how to be the wife that he intended to be and its very much in line with your book. I have not fully arrived it and i’m still a work in progress.Our marriage eventually recovered My problem is that I’ve overheard my husband speaking very sexual on his computer the other night. I confronted him on it. He swore that he is not having an affair. I didn’t believe him. After many fights he confessed to me that he has an sexual dysfunction problem and he was to embrassed to talk to me about. He told me that he joined up with the men’s health clinic and he was role playing as they advice him to do. He was very emotional and embrassed as he shared it with me . I could see the geniuness in him about sexual dysfunction issue. I asked him to let me view his e-mails and his cellphone as i didn’t believe him and he refused and he told me that is his privacy. How can i trust him. I don’t believe that he was role playing. He swore that he is not having an affair and that he is not viewing any porn either. What do I do? How can i still be the wife that you write about knowing all this. I’m very hurt and confused. Is right for a married man to have privacy in this way? Am i blind to the reality? Is he having another affair? I’ve prayed and ask God to bring out the truth. Until then what do I do? I desperately wants to do the right thing
    Please advise me what to do.

  6. My mother in law is killing our relationship. I don,t think my husband will stand up for us at all. She has even gone to telling us she will only allow us two children. Why are there no articles on how to handle parents against everything from homeschooling to how many children to have? I am ready to ask my husband who matters more. This women can’t be pleased. I can see that it is very hard for my husband. Why is he still trying to please her ? His first wife left because of this women. I didn’t know that then. It is very clear now. She is sucking the life out of our relationship. Any suggestions?