The Nature of Marriage

In the last few months, I have been privileged to officiate three, Christian marriages. Every single one of them was totally different from the other; different music, different food, different dress styles, and different people. But despite these outward differences, the outcome was just the same: a Christian covenant between God, husband, and wife. When I was getting ready for these weddings, I grappled with expressing the nature of marriage as succinctly as possible—nobody likes a long-winded preacher at a wedding—and I was blessed by that exercise. I hope you will be too as I share some of my outlines.

I want to begin by emphasizing that the sacred covenant of marriage was the first institution given to us by God, and it is what every other human relationship stems from. It should be entered into reverently, soberly, and in the presence of community that will rejoice with the new couple and support them on this journey of a lifetime.
Christian weddings are not civil unions, and they bear almost no resemblance to the common worldly practice that mimics a Christian wedding. As Christians, even if we were married outside of the church or before we got saved, we understand that as followers of Christ, our marriage is now sanctified by our Creator, and he is the Lord of it. Christian marriage was instituted by God, first in the garden of Eden and later reaffirmed by Christ in the New Testament. It is a commitment between one man and one woman who recognizes Jesus as their Lord, and it first recognizes our responsibility to our Creator rather than our rights as his creation. The scripture tells us, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” Colossians 3:18-19 In other words, there are certain attitudes and actions that do not fit into a Christian marriage. The one who wrote the contract is God—we just have the privilege of signing it with our beloved spouse. There will be all kinds of reasons to stop being submissive or start being bitter…but if you're part of the Christian covenant of marriage, you've agreed to God's principles, not your own.
The Christian covenant of marriage is a limiting covenant. In essence, we are binding ourselves by the law of God to be restricted to love and do life with just this one other person until death. However, this restriction doesn't keep us from experiencing all the love and joy in the world. Rather, it is a gateway to all the love and grace that God has for us in this life.
It is in the commitment—the narrowing of our choices and the expression of faith—that makes this union so sacred. The most precious thing anyone could ever give you is their entire life. As you stand on the altar and exchange irrevocable vows that you can break but never take back, you are promising to one another the entirety of the rest of your life! What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Mark 10:9
When God instituted the covenant of marriage, it wasn't just for us but for his only Son. When Jesus picked his Bride, he did not—and in fact could not—pick a peer because he is peerless. He picked us while we were yet sinners…broken, dirty and scarred by the sin that we so eagerly engaged with. And yet, rather than looking at us with derision, he looked at us with love and determined that by his love and grace, he would woo us to himself and make us into a glorious Bride, without spot or blemish or any such thing.

When we enter into the godly union of marriage, we are accepting God-given roles that have been put in place for us with the express purpose of mirroring our relationship with Christ. You are no longer simply a man and simply a woman; you are Husband and Wife. God intentionally designed these positions different from each other—not to create strife and tension, but rather, harmony. Often, spouses try to rebel against the roles that God gave them, and what should be harmonious and sweet becomes a battlefield of love. It is when both Husband and Wife choose to submit their will to the higher Authority and fulfill their roles as God intended that true harmony is achieved.

Husband

So, Husband: when you get married, you are choosing your bride. When you feel hurt by something your wife has said or done, remember that Jesus loves you just as you are and you are to love her with that same fervor.
You are to present to yourself the Wife that you desire by washing her with your words, by building her up, and showing her with your eyes and your actions that the gift she has given you of her life is more precious than any gift you have received on this earth. Always keep in your mind that it is not your right to receive her love and comfort, but your responsibility to gift your love and comfort to your beloved bride.
Don't be arrogant or puffed up when you are right and she is wrong. Our standard-bearer is none other than Jesus Christ who hung on the cross and said to the ones who crucified him and then laughed at his pain, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do”.

Wife

And you, Wife: life is full of heartaches and hurdles. When you make the choice to enter into the Christian covenant of marriage, you are committing to overcome those heartaches and hurdles with your husband as your leader. God bears witness to that promise, and it is in recognition of God's authority that you choose to submit your life to the one that He has called to lead your marriage.
In order to lead your family with wisdom, your husband is going to need your counsel and comfort. There will be days that you feel like your husband is fundamentally broken and incapable of understanding your heart.
Don't worry, he is. That is why he so desperately needs you.
You are the other half to the equation that completes the image of God in your marriage.
You don't need to fix your husband; that is not possible. You just need to complete him. Sometimes, as you follow his leadership, you won't understand why he does things the way he does; and that's okay.
Jesus, in his time of temptation did not say “I don't want the bread”. He said, “Man shall not live by bread alone”.

God has called you to submit yourself to your own husband as unto the Lord in everything.
You will have people around you who will be happy to tell you to blaze your own trail and quit following your cantankerous husband. But just like Christ in his hour of temptation, determine in your own heart to submit your life to the Lord, and by extension to your husband.
Let your words and actions show him that the gift he has committed to you—the rest of his life—is precious to you. And then show him beyond a shadow of a doubt that his heart will safely rest with you all the days of his life.
I know that marriage isn't easy.
But then again, it was never intended to be easy: it was intended to be sanctifying.
Wives, as you struggle to love your cantankerous husband and submit to his leadership, you are building “faith muscles” that you will use for all of eternity in service of your beloved Savior.
And Husbands, as you struggle to love and lay down your life for a woman that you would rather just be bitter against, understand that you are exercising the charity that God has called the greatest principle in your Christian walk.

In conclusion, I will say this: whether you are single, just getting married this year, or you are nearing your third decade of marriage, the following applies to you: love the Lord with all of your heart, hold fast to the high calling of Jesus Christ, walk daily in truth and integrity, and let the fruit that flows from that be a sweet smelling savor to your Father. Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice. Philippians 4:4