to: NGJ Mailbox

Dear Ashley-
I am 18 years old, I work at a local sandwich deli. I enjoy working there, and work with lots of friends from church there. I have a small church group that I really love and am very thankful for. I also have some different hobbies I enjoy doing. Even though I have all these things I’m doing and I feel like I am so blessed and feel like I should be content with what I am doing, I feel antsy, and unsettled like there is something I should be doing, I don’t want to ignore that, and waste an opportunity, if there is something I should be doing. I would love your opinion on what you think girls my age should be doing, I am praying that God will show me through good counsel, I would really appreciate any ideas you might have. Thanks – Jane

Hi Jane!

I am so glad you reached out! I love your joyful attitude and am excited to hear about everything you are engaged in.
It was only a few years ago that I was your age and learning how to navigate all of those things as a young adult for the first time—and it is such a fun place to be for a young woman!
I won’t be able to answer all your questions—I still have similar questions myself sometimes!! But I will share with you what I have learned in the last couple of years through my own experiences.
First, I want to acknowledge that there is sooo much going on at your age, so give yourself some grace! There are many roads open to you right now because there is more life ahead of you than behind you. While that is exciting, it can also feel extremely daunting. What you need to know is that while you have many choices, there isn’t necessarily a “right” or “wrong” one as long as you are obedient to God’s commandments. It is important to remember that God rarely gives one person specific direction for how to spend their life. He gives us time, opportunities, His Word, and for the most part, will leave the day-by-day decisions up to us. He does this so that we can practice living by faith.
Every person has a different calling. My sister got married at 18 and is an amazing wife and mom. I am 21, unmarried, working full-time, and 100% devoted to ministry. Both of us have very full, productive, and righteous lives—but we live them very differently. I am reluctant to tell you exactly what girls your age need to be doing for that reason. Instead, I will tell you what my parents did.
Rather than tell me what I should do with my life, my parents gave me a formula for what a good life could look like and then encouraged me to build habits that would allow me to be successful in whatever I chose to do. One of the most important habits I learned from them is to seek growth and avoid stagnation.
You mentioned you have a few hobbies you enjoy doing, which is amazing! I advise that while you are young and have some free time, develop strengths that are aligned with your interests/talents. Think about what kind of life you want and what kind of person you want to be. If you want to get married in the next 5 years, cultivate a friend group of godly young people. If you want to be involved in ministry, go to church early and stay late, and volunteer for everything. This will open doors for you and reveal what gifts you have, like music, teaching, coordinating, etc.
I reiterate—none of these paths are wrong…they are just different!
As for the part where you feel antsy…I totally relate! I have found that when I have a pressing urge to change something in my life, it is because I either feel unproductive or dissatisfied with my activities.
If I feel unproductive, it’s usually because I am not busy enough. God created people to be in a constant state of growth—especially young people.
Growth requires challenges. Challenges require discomfort.
You may be antsy to do something new because you feel stagnant in your current state. The biggest cure is to get busy doing something meaningful. Say yes to more opportunities, especially if they take you outside of your comfort zone in a safe way. This could mean an internship, a mission trip, sports, or a million other things. Get involved in your community, volunteer for events at your church, or host Bible studies with other Christian girls. Be busy, but with a purpose: serve God, develop skills, and pursue interests that will take you closer to your long-term goals. I can’t tell you what goals you should have, but know that being willing to get outside of your comfort zone will open more doors to you. Make it a habit to continually look for ways you can grow and don’t be content with your current amount of knowledge and experience. In a year, you will be able to look behind you and see clear and significant progress.
You could also be feeling the urge to do something different because you are dissatisfied with your current activities.
God made us with an innate desire to be a part of something that is bigger than ourselves. Even non-believers seek projects or activities that they believe contributes to humanity. As Christians, we know that our responsibility is to fulfill the great commission and love the people around us. I have found that there are sooo many fun activities I enjoy, but nothing satisfies my soul like eternal fruit. If you are not involved in Kingdom work right now, your unsettled feeling might be the Spirit leading you in that direction.
Connect with other believers, help with VBS, Sunday school, and Operation Christmas Child. As you do this, involve other young people to come alongside you.
Know that everything I shared is meant to offer some perspective, not instructions. I offer advice from my experiences, knowing that you might have very different goals than me! I hope everything I shared was encouraging and gave you ideas about the direction you want to take.
As a warning—when you get the feeling that you need to change your life or do something new, recognize it is just that: a feeling. Be sure that when you make decisions, you do it for a purpose. Don’t seek relief or answers for your feelings; seek productive growth that will build your character, give you valuable experiences, and bring you closer to your goals. If you aren’t sure what your long-term goals are, try new things to discover what you love. If necessary, try out different jobs.
Whatever you decide to do, do it all for the glory of God!
I enjoyed answering your letter and I am so excited for you as you begin your journey into adulthood. There are so many lessons to be learned, but it sure is fun along the way!

I pray that God blesses you abundantly and gives you the direction you are seeking.

In Christ,
Ashley Pearl