Training Vs. Teaching

The Bible tells me that I could have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.
While that is absolutely true, it also brings to mind the contrast to that verse: There could be no greater tragedy than for my children to reject Christ and walk in darkness.
As a parent, I want to do everything I can to ensure that my children will choose Jesus and spend their eternity worshiping him with me in glory.
It is possible to have a well-trained child who grows up to be an evil person. You can have kids who are polite, use good grammar, get along well with each other, work hard, and are respectful towards you, yet never choose to have a personal relationship with Jesus.
It is a pretty fiction to believe that only Christians can train their children well. The truth is that you will find well-trained Buddhists, Hindus, Animists, and Communists all over the world.
I know that sounds shocking, but if we want our kids to consistently follow Christ, we need to understand that there is a natural disconnect between training and teaching. Teaching is about imparting information; training is where that information intersects with action.
Teaching is when you are imparting information, either by written or spoken word, and it does not require that the teacher be capable of acting on the information given.
Training involves an instructor who can, by physically completing a task in the presence of their student, impart “how-to” so they can complete the task on their own.
For example, when my boys were 6 or 8 years old, I taught them to change the oil in our vehicles. First, we sat at the kitchen table (the center for all learning) and I explained why we needed to change the oil. We talked about engine wear and the cost of repair versus maintenance. This didn’t give my boys the necessary skills to change their own oil; rather it conveyed the knowledge of why it's necessary to change the oil.
We then got out the oil pan and wrenches, put the car up on ramps, and crawled under it together in our gravel driveway. I pointed out the different main components of the drivetrain and had them feel how hot the bottom of the engine was. I told them not to touch the exhaust pipe because that would burn them and showed them how to find the oil filter.
In the house they learned the why. In the driveway they learned the how.
It bears noting that if, while you are trying to get the oil filter off, you get frustrated and start cussing, throw your wrench, and yell at your wife, you are also training your boys. I very deliberately do none of those things because I have no desire to see that reflected in my sons.
Training will always have an element of teaching involved in it. The difference is in its emphasis.
The thing about training is that you cannot be an effective instructor without first demonstrating the ability to complete the action on your own.
This is why we call it child training. Whether you're teaching your kids to go potty like a big boy, or drive a car, you must be able to accomplish on your own the task that you are training them to do.
Nearly all the understanding your children will have on a topic like joy or anger will come from watching your response to frustration, not from hearing your lofty dissertation on how they should be joyful while you scream profanity at the traffic in front of you. Your life is the primary teacher from which your children will learn about any given topic. Live it well.
Nowhere is this more exemplified than in the life of Solomon. The very man who declared with wisdom, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it,” raised a hedonistic, idol-worshipping, devil of a princeling.
Solomon's teachings were confirmed by God to be some of the most in-depth wisdom man can garner, but Solomon’s actions were those of a hard-drinking womanizer who built temples to false gods to keep his wives happy.
Solomon's wise instruction meant nothing to his son in the face of Solomon's unwise training on how to do life. By the same token, it is possible for us today to have a well-trained child who grows up to be an evil person.
The Bible tells us that the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. Having household rules that reflect the law of God will train your kids to act in a God-fearing manner. But if you do not teach the why behind those rules, your kids will be very unlikely to follow the same guidelines as adults.
Training never takes place in a vacuum; it has an intentional goal. You are always training for something. If you try training your kids without them understanding the goal, it will often produce bitter fruit. Trust your kids with “the why” behind “the what” you are doing.
At some point in their lives, your kids are going to ask themselves why:
Why should I live in holiness?
Why should I read my Bible?
Why should I honor my parents or go to church?
Make sure that when your kids ask themselves these questions, you have already taught them all of the information they will need for a godly answer.
The entire narrative of Scripture is leading to the historical fulcrum that is the life of Christ. To teach the judgment of God without teaching his benevolent mercy will leave your kids grasping at a law they are incapable of keeping.
As responsible parents we need to teach the entire Bible story—how it all fits together—and our kids should see it reflected in our own lives. The training that your kids receive from you should seamlessly fit with the Scripture that you've been teaching. If your life does not match what you say, both the teaching and the training will be looked at with derision. We must consistently teach, train, and live the truth of the Bible if we want a consistent, godly outcome for our children.
In Revelation chapter 2, Christ writes a letter to the church at Ephesus to critique them for running the church the same way a lot of us run our homes. He tells them that the way they are acting is exemplary, but the why behind their actions is lacking. He tells them they've forgotten their first love.
In many of our homes, the actions look exemplary just like the church at Ephesus, and also, just like that church, we have left our first love. Fortunately, Jesus gives us the antidote to the problem he has identified: Repent and do the first works.
In other words, start acting on the love that Christ has for us and others, and get back to doing the very first thing that he called his bride to do: Go unto all the world and preach the gospel.
Isolating your kids from this world of darkness will not protect them from the darkness. Teaching your kids to be a light in a dark world will mean that wherever they are, light is pushing back the dark.
If we tell our children that God is a God of judgment and mercy, but we never share the gospel with anyone around us, our kids will not trust that we believe what we say.
If we tell our kids to love each other and to love their neighbors but we never show them that we love our neighbors by sharing the gospel with them, our children will either not believe that we love like we say we do, or they will think the gospel is not as important as we say it is.
Our kids need us to take the commandments and stories in the Bible as seriously as we want them to take them.
So, how seriously do you want your children to take God?
Their little hearts are in your hands.