A reader asks...
A girl has accumulated savings throughout the years as a single gal. What is she to do about the money when she gets married? I am playing the devil’s advocate and considering the husband does not end up behaving as a good and responsible provider (as we have seen many times). Does she give him her hard-earned money? Do they sign a prenuptial agreement? I wonder and wonder and wonder what the Pearls’ opinion is on this.
Debi Answers
This is answered in a practical way. What a girl earns before marriage is her money, but once she is married, what they have is theirs. So for the sake of peace, when she is ready to marry, she either needs to spend it or be prepared to share it. When I married I had a VW Bug that was in great shape, totally paid for, and MINE. He, on the other hand, had an over-sized gas eater and owed money on it. He loved to race my VW around the yard like it was a toy, bouncing and basically pulling it apart inch by inch. I had carefully and meticulously cared for my little car. His abuse irritated me in the worst way, BUT what was his was mine and what was mine was his. My mom told me to suck it up because now I was married, and men often spend money like water and always like to wreck stuff for fun.
LOTS of young men fit into this category, but over time seem to mature. So, the bank account will likely cause trouble unless it is gone or at least gone in the girl’s mind and heart.
I know of two examples where the girls were older and had accumulated a very tidy sum of money before marrying.
Example One knew she was marrying a tight-fisted man (which she admired). She had been tight-fisted all her youth and thus had been stingy with herself, not buying any unnecessary things. Once she knew she was marrying, she told her soon-to-be husband she had some money saved and there were several big-ticket things that she had always wanted. She also told him that she had made a commitment to support a certain missionary for the next year and she was setting aside that amount for them. The rest of her money went into the family bank account. The arrangement worked well for them.
Example Two had a good-sized sum from selling her business that she had started from scratch when she was just a teenager. She talked it over with her soon-to-be husband, and together they decided to use it to buy a nice piece of land. The new husband used the rest of the money to build a house on that land, and a few years later they sold it at a good profit in order to buy a very large wooded parcel. Then they went to the mission field. Many years later their son wanted to go to medical school, so they harvested trees from their land to pay for their son’s education. They still have their land, which is worth a lot more now than it was when they bought it, and it all started with the work of one sweet, young girl. The work the wife did in her youth has blessed the family unto the second generation. That young man married well in more ways than one. She was a Proverbs 31 lady when he married her, and through their years of marriage she has continued to walk in that way. Every time I see their picture, I smile and think, “That boy really got a deal.” He knows it.
A girl who is a spendthrift is NOT a Proverbs 31 lady, and even if her man loves her with all of his being, her lack of control in spending will keep her husband poor and feeling discouraged all his life. Girls, take note not to allow this foolishness into your life.
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What wonderful examples of how these girls’ then couples’ investments and the impact they had.
This article and your story of early marriage made me think of before I married,15 years ago, my husband had a gas ⛽️ guzzler, and I had an older gas sufficient. Well, we had just gotten engaged and he was recently hired with a well paid job but it was a hour commute. So, I suggested we switch vehicles. His jimmy blazer was fun to drive but boy, did I feel it every time I had to stop at a gas ⛽️ station.
Well, I knew my car burned oil and told my husband, then fiancé, that at every fill up at the gas station I would check the oil and add about a cup of oil more or less. I had a 5 quart bottle of oil in the trunk of the car. Well a week or so went by and He calls me after work, to tell me my car is burning oil and that he had to add almost a full quart of oil. I was surprised ? because it had never burn that much oil before. Well, the conversation continued and I found out he had neglected to check the oil every time he put gas in the tank. He had refilled the tank about four times. He checked the oil because he noticed the car was getting warm. He found out I knew a little bit about cars, or at least my car after checking the oil.
Well, we married and he continued to drive, “my car” to work, but it was renamed “the Subaru” instead.
A few months after marriage we were in a automobile accident and the Subaru was destroyed but we had insurance and with the insurance money we were able to purchase a good washer and dryer set, that we needed. A few years past and we sold the washer and dryer and used the money for a down payment for a home ?. This reminds me that money management enabled me to purchase a used car at auction at age 16 for $500, then pay $500 for repairs. The car got me to school and church before marriage and gave my husband a safe and reliable form of transportation to and from work before and after we were married. Saving us money for our wedding and in our married life. And yes, my husband did repairs and maintained the car well after that quart of burned oil.
So, my point, good money management and diligent maintenance of what God has entrusted to you, in what may seem to be the small things in life can have a larger and longer impact than one may realize. And, sucking it up when your man “wrecks stuff” intentionally or unintentionally, may be hard but my Father in Heaven has good things in store for me and my husband takes good care of me. I am blessed abundantly. We have 6 beautiful children and we own our home. Just to touch the top of my mountain of blessings. Lol
And my husband is counting the days until he can purchase me a new washer and dryer set, because he knows I need them, after 9 years with an average of 4 loads per day, it’s time.
Thank you for your family’s ministry. Sharing yourselves, and the love of Jesus, with others has such a tremendous impact on our lives and I thank you, for God’s glory.
Before I got married I used my money to build a good library of children's picture books, dinnerware, pots and pans and cloth diapers. I use everything except the diapers (should have done more research; I sold them and got a different brand once I had kids) every single day