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In Search of a Help Meet Clip from Chapter - 3

By Nathan Pearl

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Announcer:  What about an arranged marriage? Observe the predictable result of a reactionary pendulum swing gone too far.

Nathan Pearl:  The 99 percent. Most of my readers are normal Christians, at best, and have never consciously experienced divine guidance. So what about this vast group of lackadaisical Christians whose parents had just barely hung on to their own marriages? Seldom does anyone pray and expect an answer, and the entire family cannot recount one miracle of answered prayer other than Grandma getting well after being hospitalized for three weeks. I would like to see this vast middle group of Christians start their marriage better paired than their parents.

This last generation of Christians has proven that Christian marriages are no better than those rooted in secularism. The young people are raised on Hollywood rather than the old wooden cross. Recreational dating and fornication have been the norm in the Christian church. Churches now have a very large singles class, which is where divorcees go to find another spouse.

The present situation has been alarming to church leaders and parents alike. So about 25 years ago, in reaction to this awful situation, ministers started developing betrothal courtship methods designed to purify the process of coming to marriage.

There was a need and the effort was noble, but like all reactionary swings of the pendulum, it went too far and promised too much. The wheat-bread homeschooling movement has been fertile ground for these exotic betrothal and courtship systems. I am not talking about all betrothal or courtships, just some of the far out, patriarchal, medieval ideas of the divine right of the king/father figure.

Father and Mother get together with Father and Mother and arrange a marriage for Son and Daughter. I think they must have watched Fiddler on the Roof and thought it was biblical. I can't tell you how much tragedy and disappointment has come from that movement, even divorces.

When the system was young it produced great hope and excitement, but as many young people entered into somewhat of an arranged marriage, some of them discovered they were wed to someone they didn't even like. Mama liked him. Daddy said he was spiritual and had a good source of income, but the bride just found him to be a stranger with whom she had nothing in common.

I have received hundreds of sad letters from these betrothal arrangements. Not all is bad. There are some blessed stories as well, but when it goes wrong the miserable sons and daughters blame their parents for their plight.

It is one thing to make your own mistake. It is another thing for someone else to make it for you. When you make your own mistake, you accept the reality and try to make the most of it. When you are the victim of someone else's mistake, you are likely to live in blame and bitterness.

In some of the very tightly controlled churches, they are adamant about their young people marrying within the denomination. Many of these churches have shrunk in numbers and there are not many prospective spouses available. Marrying within the church preserves the numbers. Sometimes the church is more concerned about perpetuating itself than about doing God's will.

Hear me when I say there is no system or fixed chain of command that can prevent you from making a mistake in marriage. God does not surrender his will to the dictates of mortal men. You are fallible. I am fallible. Your parents and pastors are fallible. And so it is, every matchmaker since Adam.

Children, obey your parents

What about the verse, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." (Ephesians 6:1)

If you are a child, then by all means obey them. But then, children don't need help meets. They sit on the floor and color. Furthermore, the passage qualifies the obedience as in the Lord. If parents command you contrary to the Lord, then you are to do as Peter did when the government commanded him to stop preaching in Jesus' name. He said, "We ought to obey God rather than men" (Acts 5:29).

If you are old enough to be married, you are responsible for your own life and you are the one that will reap the results of any decision you make or let others make for you. Blindly obeying does not make right a bad choice. You reap what you sow, even if your daddy told you to sow it.

Daunting, indeed.

If it all seems daunting to you, and if those around you are too carnally focused to get divine leading and you have little confidence in your ability to discover the will of God for yourself, there is still the tried and proven method of careful thought, wisdom and good counsel.

Above all, pray like you have never prayed before. Confess to God your ignorance and formal carnality and ask Him to open and shut doors. Keep the flesh under control and perhaps you can hear the voice of God like you've never heard Him before. Your life depends on it.

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Announcer:  Thank you for listening to this excerpt from In Search of a Help Meet. As always, remember to check out the current specials on our audio books and more.

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