Mail Bag - Wasted Years

Transcription

[intro music]

Debi Pearl:  Papa and I are going to record, so y'all go ahead and shut the door. [door shuts]
Child 1:  Let's play in the tree house!

Child 2:  Yeah, the tree house sounds great.

Child 1:  You're going too fast.

Announcer:  This week from our vintage collection, the Pearls address those wasted years of improper training. Here are their comments on this tough issue.

Michael Pearl:  Then what's your next letter, Deb?

Debi:  "I write with much sadness after researching your website. I feel as hopeless now as I have for many years, as I have been raising rebellious children. The kids are now 12, 15 and 17, and I have been raised ‑‑ and they have been raised exactly the opposite of everything that I have been reading in the Bible and at your site." "I had hoped that I might find something to give me hope that I could make a difference in the lives of my children, that it might not be too late to make changes. I myself am finding it difficult to work on changing the very things that I am supposed to show my children. You say you must become twice the person you want your children to become. Twice the patience, twice the love, twice the discipline, twice the kindness, twice the honesty, twice the 'I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?'"

"How can anyone just suddenly become the opposite of what they are? How ‑‑ and now I feel I've failed one more time, because now I know what I should have done. I'm finding myself unable to learn fast enough to make that much difference."

"My oldest is a sophomore in high school. Has been involved in a relationship with a boy for one and a half years. She began dating before I was saved and understood what God commanded. Going from open socialized parents of the '90s back to believing in God's way has ripped the honest, open relationships that we once had with our daughter. She is now full of lies and rebellion."

"If we begin making demands that she stop seeing this boy, we feel we'll lose her to him as soon as she turns 18. We feel we will once again be failing her if she ends up doing this. My husband and I are quite concerned. We can't agree on what should be done."

"I know praying is the first step, but where do I begin after I pray? How do we begin to discipline our children if they are older ages? I have shown anger for so long. How do I change myself to show love while disciplining? I hope you can give me some ideas, because I really would like to repair the damage that I have done in my children's lives."

Michael:  My first impression is I'm reminded that passage of scripture that says, "Do not be deceived. God is not mocked, for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. He that soweth to the flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption, and he that soweth to the spirit shall of the spirit reap life everlasting." Only in fiction novels can we rewrite the script and make everything come out happy ever after. You know, the facts are ‑‑ even in Christian homes ‑‑ that most families end in tragedies these days. Most people, most Christians ‑‑ more than 50% ‑‑ are ending up in the divorce courts.

And someone did a survey. I've forgotten who it was and where we read it, but the amount of illicit sex and unwed babies is nearly as high among Christian young people as it is among the world.

There comes a time when we look back at what we've sown, and really there's nothing much to do at that point but weep for where we've failed. You just cannot suddenly go in and take charge. The Bible says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he's old, he'll not depart from it."

And you don't have children anymore. You have a young girl going out, probably sleeping with a fellow. You don't have a child. Now she's got an adult body. She's got an adult soul. She may still have a child's emotions in a lot of ways, and she may still possess a child's sense of submission to her drives and her passions, but you're basically dealing with an adult, now.

You said it seems like it's too late to change. How can anyone just change? You said that something about the effect that you couldn't change in time to make a difference. Listen. The kind of change that's required here is needed whether you make a difference or not in the life of your daughter.

In other words, the kind of change we're talking about is a change for the glory of God. The kind of change that's needed here is a change that will please God. A change that's important for eternity. It's that state where you just fall in love with the Lord Jesus Christ to where you enjoy his presence, to where you sing praises to him, to where you come to the throne of grace to receive mercy and grace to help in time of need.

It's where you realize that your sins with your daughter, your mistakes are forgiven you. You may still reap, but God forgives. It's where you realize that in Christ, there is love and acceptance and forgiveness regardless of the pain you may suffer as a result of those past deeds. The first step for your daughter to accept God's forgiveness. The first step for your daughter to realize that she's walking in sin and headed into a place of dismal regret and maybe damnation in the end, is for her to see Christ in you.

For her to look at you and say, "Mother, what has happened to you?", "Mother, why are you singing, you don't usually sing? Why are you happy mother?" "Why are you treating Father differently? Why don't you speak to me with anger and bitterness anymore? Why do you cry and pray for me, why are you reading your Bible. What has happened to you Mother?"

And you'll be able to say to her, "I have come to a place of peace and joy in the Lord Jesus Christ and I realize that I've messed my life up, I've messed yours up, I realize that you're walking a path that will lead to hell. I'm sorry, I failed you, I failed God and I've repented towards God and I'm walking in his presence and in his spirit."
Only then can you woo your daughter. Someone has said you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink and an old farmer responded, if you put salt in their feed you can. In other words, if you shoot the salt to them then they're going to drink.

The Bible says you're the salt of the earth, so if you provide the salt there: I'm not happy where I am, I'm not satisfied with my life the way it is and I want to know what I can do to change it. Until she does that you have no power, you have no control and you have nothing to be angry.

Right now if you approach her, you're probably going to be bitter. Probably you're going to be critical. You're going to be making demands that she submit to you. Actually, you're working the opposite. When you approach her right now, you're working the opposite of pulling her out of her sin, pulling her away.

I think you made the observation that if you were to put pressure on her now you're afraid you'd drive her into the arms of this lover and you're right. That's exactly what you'll do because with this lover she finds acceptance. She finds peace. She finds a fellowship and I imagine that at home now she finds no fellowship at all. She finds no acceptance at all. And there's no acceptance with God.

So here she is, the only place she can go in life to get that bit of water is to this fellow. And until you can provide a better water, a cooler water, a cleaner water, a water that she thirsts to drink after she's not going to give up that dirty water she's drinking right now because it's the only water she knows in life.

What's important here, Mother, is that you become twice the forgiveness, twice the love, twice the discipline. If you had to take charge of your life by your willpower and you had to exercise great control and restraint and undo and remake your whole life, it wouldn't just take a lifetime it would take a thousand lifetimes for you to become all of that and still it wouldn't work. But thank God Christianity is a miracle. It's not you performing for God, it's God performing through and in you.

What's needed here is a spirit‑filled life. What we're suggesting can occur in 15 minutes. You won't be wise in 15 minutes. You won't be disciplined in every area in 15 minutes. But in 15 minutes alone with God where your heart breaks and you surrender to him, God can fill you with his spirit and you will have the love immediately. You'll have the patience, you'll have the joy, you'll have the peace ‑ as much peace as is available on this earth. As much joy as God is joy.

You'll have all that God has and all that God can give and he will fill you with that instantly and immediately. That alone is what your daughter needs and wants. It's not that you be greatly wise or that you be an extremely pious or righteous individual but that you just be a humble individual filled with love and grace and mercy and compassion and peace.

Yes, that's more than you can stand, that's more than you can accomplish. But it's not more than God can accomplish. What God is looking for here is a surrender of your soul to his soul so that he can fill you. It's such an easy step ‑ so hard, so difficult, so out of reach and yet so within reach, so within sight of you.

He says in the book of Romans, chapter 10, he says, "the word is nigh thee even in thy heart and mouth, the word of faith which we preach, that if thou shall call upon the Lord Jesus Christ" something to that effect, thou shall be saved. So the word of God, the word of faith is in your heart, it's in your mouth. God is just waiting for you to surrender, waiting for you to seek him, to seek that filling and he will move on you.

[music]

Announcer:  Thanks for listening. I hope it was a blessing. Don't forget to check out Cane Creek Corner for this week's specials.

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