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Young Adults & Marriage - Part 6

By Michael Pearl

Transcription

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Announcer:  What about arranged marriage? Here are some cautionary tales.

Michael Pearl:  Now, I'm satisfied with the spouses that all of my kids chose. I'm delighted; they've got good marriages and are raising some great grandkids, and stuff like that.

Now you see, the reason they were able to make the right choices when I could not have made those choices for them is because they were schooled in knowing human nature, knowing people, judging characteristics of other people and what was of value in this world. They looked for those things that were of value. They could see it from a different perspective than I could, but they ended up making a good choice for themselves.

It's one of the most insane things in the world, for you to choose the spouse for your kid. We get so many letters from people . . .

A girl wrote the other day and she said, I mean, she grew up, she really loved this fellow, and he loved her. They didn't have anything going, but they were in the same circle.

They wanted to get married, and so finally they got old enough and the fellow approached the parents and said, "I'd like to marry your daughter." The parents said, "Well, we've prayed about it, and we don't think so. We don't think you're the right one," because he wasn't charismatic or rich or gifted or talented or whatever. So they said, "No."

Well, a couple of years went by and that fellow drifted on off. A fellow came to the church one day that was handsome and smooth and capable and very spiritually minded. He was around there about six months and he approached them and said, "I'd like to maybe consider your daughter." They looked at each other and prayed about it and said, "Oh, yes. You definitely can."

He began to get to know the family and within about six months they were married. Would you come here and tell . . . I don't remember the exact details and I want to be precise. How did that turn out?

Debi Pearl:  Terrible. The guy was just a snow guy. He was into pornography. He was into a lot of junk that he'd picked up from pornography, and of course she told me in the letter, she said, "I was homeschooled and taught to honor and obey my parents all my life. All I wanted to do was honor them, and I trusted that if they made the choice, and they felt led of God, then it's got to be the one." She said she still had some feelings for the other fellow, but she put them down because she knew that she wanted God's will.

Once she married this guy—I mean he's into heavy pornography—I don't exactly know how to say it publicly, but he was not a normal fellow. She has just lived a life of hell for . . .

Michael:  He wanted queer sex.

Debi:  Three years. Three years. She's saying, "Well, what do I do? I'm all mixed up. Why did God do this to me?" So I wrote back, God didn't do it to her. It was her parents.

Michael:  We have others that have been paired up by their parents. One girl, her husband had never copulated with her in how many years? Three years they've been married. He wasn't interested. Several letters like that, she said. Some of them the guys just play with themselves; they don't need a wife, really.

They get in a circle, and the parents put them together, and they continue to play with themselves and leave the wife alone. These are homeschoolers, all raised together in the same circle, but they're spiritually minded, nice guys, and the parents think they're great.

Do you know that a daughter who's spent some time will figure those things out before you will? She'll sense things, if you raised her right, that you won’t sense. She will know something's not right there.

I'd be scared to death to actually be making the choices, based on the parentage and the outward appearance and the shallow things that I would see, what I would see in a girl or in a guy.

Debi:  As well as the mama.

Michael:  The mama's the one that does the arrangement. It's the mother that cancels the thing. It's usually the mother who says, "I just don't have peace from the Lord." We're getting a lot of letters from homeschoolers that married through the betrothal thing, or through arranged marriages, that are having very, very bad marriages. We seldom get one from arranged marriage, parent-designed marriage, that's good.

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Announcer:  Thanks for listening. We hope this helps or encourages you in some way today. As always, remember to check out our ever-changing specials.

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