My wife has read your help meet book and we have listened to your DVD. However I still find it hard to fall deeper in love with her.

She has asked me to read it so that I will know were her heart is, so I have been reading it, not getting through it as fast as I would like, but getting there. To the point: she gets angry with me about every thing that goes wrong. I just got a new job. I work 4 to midnight and go to school in the mornings till 11. I tell her that I love her but there are times when she will say, “I don’t see how,” when this or that happens or goes wrong. I love on her and try to at night, but nothing. It used to not be like this, but we have 6 kids and I hate hearing, “Everybody wants something from me.” Well I’m left in the cold. I love making love to her and she has all of my heart. There are times when I want to say, “That’s it.” She will ask my input on stuff, and when I say what I feel, it doesn’t agree with hers. Then I get the cold shoulder. It’s been like this for about 3 months. Every thing happens in 3’s? Am I being selfish and just a kid? Please give me some guidance.

Michael answers:

You ask if you are “being selfish and just a kid” when you find yourself unloving and cold toward a woman who is acting unlovely. When we are hurt it is very difficult to swallow rejection and do our duty to continuing loving. You are not being a kid; you are being a natural human. But God asks us husbands to be more than human. He asks us to love our wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it (Ephesians 5). You are to go to God and find the grace to become your wife’s savior. She feels your rejection of her rejection and the cycle continues to spiral. Love is not just a feeling; it is a series of daily acts. It is doing what the other persons needs. You can “sanctify and cleanse” your wife if you are willing to eat mud while discovering what makes her hurt and coming to her aid.