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Ladies, Do What You Can

by No Greater Joy Ministries

My desire is to respect my husband and be submissive, but I often feel like when I express a need or desire, he doesn’t hear or realize how important it is to me unless I keep bringing it up. Examples would be things like wanting to paint the bathroom, start a garden, visit my parents who live 2 hours away, donate clothing to a charity, or volunteer at my church. Often, when I bring up things like this that I’d like to do, he doesn’t give me an outright “no” but he’s very reluctant to give the go-ahead too. Then, if he does consent, I feel guilty — like I’ve twisted his arm or something. Do I need to be asking permission all the time? People tell me I should just go ahead and do things without waiting for his consent. I feel like I’m viewed as a push-over (and I feel like one myself sometimes), but I really don’t want to overstep my bounds and assert myself in a way that would not honor my husband.

Debi Answers:

Paint your own bathroom. Mike has NEVER painted mine. If you want a garden, then YOU do it. Dig up just a 4 × 4 space for one. Do it by hand. Go visit your parents when he is at work. Donate your own stuff to charity. If he wants to volunteer at church, that is his business. You can volunteer to work while he is gone.

- Debi Pearl

5 comments on “Ladies, Do What You Can”

  1. I ask my husband about some of that stuff too. But it's because he makes and manages the money and we only have one vehicle. If I wanted to serve at church I would need to arrange for him or someone else to watch the kids, so I would need to ask about that too, as we don't know many people well enough to trust with our kids (they are quite young). Things like paint, seeds, and using the vehicle need to be discussed so that we don't overspend or so I'm not using the vehicle when he needs it. But I do a lot around the house without having to ask.

  2. The Bible says; « respect your husband» and to the man; love your wife as I love you.
    No where is the Bible it is written; be submissive. You are on the path to unhappiness and losing your true self. Being married is a partnership= equals.
    Good luck asserting yourself.

    1. Diane is incorrect. Twice the Bible tells wives to submit to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22 and Colossians 3:18). I encourage you to compare everything (even what is on the NGJ Website) with scripture to confirm that it is true.

  3. HI Debi,
    When I read this letter, I took the woman as saying that she is asking if she can do these things but he is not answering her YES or no. By your answer, are you saying that she isn't obligated to ask her husband and that she should just go ahead and move forward with these things on her own? Thanks, Lisa

    1. Hi Lisa,
      It seems that the husband may be reading between the lines, and is reluctant to give the "go-ahead" on some of the projects because he is certain that he will be required to supervise or undertake the project. Debi is not encouraging the woman to overstep her boundaries, but to take charge of her own projects on which her husband has no opinion or does not have a preference.

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